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BiTriMama last won the day on May 18

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About BiTriMama

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    Triathlon, hiking, backpacking, camping, surfing, the outdoors in general, furthering my education, running, trail running, skiing, travel
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    Swingers, Sideways, Kissing Jessica Stein

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  1. I think most men, whether they want to actualize it or not, fantasize about two women together. Like you've been doing, being honest with him that that's not on the table is important. Open and honest communication is important for BOTH of you, and that has to go both ways. I think I've mentioned it before, but there's a book called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Eaton that both of you should read before you consider meeting anyone. It will help you two with some of the stuff you probably haven't considered, and give you some food for thought. It can help keep all involved from a lot of the potential hurt, and it can help you two deal with jealousy. I agree about not sacrificing what you really want in order to make him happy. You would only resent him later. I made that mistake. My ex-husband (ex for reasons not associated with all this) told me he would give me a one-time pass, but that wasn't what I wanted. I, like you, needed an emotional connection. He wasn't okay with that without being involved. I compromised, and we sought out a triad arrangement, which was like a bandaid. Our relationship came to a head during that time, and I told him I needed to be able to seek out something on my own. But he sabotaged it every time I had the opportunity to actually meet someone. Our marriage failed for many reasons, not the least of which was how controlling he was. He used the whole situation to manipulate me even more than he already did. One thing I think many of us make the mistake of thinking is that we will always be the same people we were when we got married. We change, and our partners change. We learn more about ourselves and our desires and needs change over time, and sometimes those align, but sometimes they don't. Hopefully your husband will continue to be supportive with this and let you do things the way you need to to be happy and fulfilled. I don't think you're off your rocker at all. This will be tough to navigate, but it can be done with all parties coming out on top. Reading that book will be very helpful for you.
  2. I am moving this post to the Married forum where it will get more views. If you look around, you'll see there are a lot of posts about trying to find women and how to go about it. Try using the search tool at the top to search key words. The married forum will have several of these kinds of posts. Welcome to the site!
  3. I think it says something more about the people you're around than you. Like Hungry said, everyone else there was doing the same thing you were, let's be real. Maybe these "friends" of yours are adjusting to you liking women, but their passive-aggressive mocking comments eat away at you, understandably, and that's not a way to treat a friend, especially when YOU are still adjusting to being into women. Somehow, when we come out, it seems to open the door (in some people's minds) to comments about who we're into and our sex lives and interests in ways that aren't true about heterosexual relationships. You already know my thoughts about the whole therapist thing.
  4. I think the attraction to each gender is very different, and of course, that experience differs from person to person, but if someone is capable of being attracted to one woman, they are capable for being attracted to another woman down the road, even if those attractions are few and far between.
  5. She never said that it was easier. She said that some can't face being gay when they're married to a man. It's a scary thing to really face if that's the case. I think that's why so many women do finally come out in their 30s, 40s, and 50s and leave their marriages eventually. They've been struggling with it for so long and can't do it anymore. It's not about anything being easier, and it's certainly not the case with everyone. But it is definitely the case for some.
  6. I think there are a lot of women here that fear liking women better than men once they have tried it, and I wouldn't be surprised if it were true. When I was married, I'd had a couple of early experiences with a woman, and then been out as gay, but struck out a lot with women, so opened back up to men. I knew I liked women better when I got married. Aiming for one of each was definitely the compromise with myself for making the choice to be with a man. I wouldn't have ever felt okay leaving him because I'm gay, as I knew that going in.
  7. My first threesome was with a couple back in the days of AOL. The guy and I had chatted online, and I met him and his fiancee at the time. We clicked and discussed boundaries (EVERYONE is entitled to boundaries and desires), set another date to meet, and there it was. We hooked up once after that, but that was it. It was something I was looking for, as I was curious if I was into women, and I felt better having a guy there for whatever reason. The next time around, it was my husband and me searching for a girlfriend. We'd met a few women here and there, but we met a woman on OKCupid. I don't remember if it was her or my ex-husband who initiated contact, but I remember her saying on her profile she was interested in couples and identified as poly. We met with her and that went well, and we fooled around that night. We dated for 6 months with many threesomes in that time. Again, we discussed boundaries early on, and eventually we chipped away at those as trust built. I think it's REALLY important to discuss boundaries ahead of time. It will save everyone jealousy and headaches in the end. If you haven't already, I recommend reading The Ethical Slut. It's a great book about polyamory, and it will spark some good conversations, even if poly isn't necessarily your thing.
  8. You guys will find ways to squeeze it in. As with all things in parenting, you're learning, and this is one area where you're still learning!
  9. There are apps like Her, OKCupid and Tinder, and there are a lot of women in your kind of circumstances (married or attached and looking for a woman on the side). Those are free if you don't upgrade, which isn't a feature that's necessary. Be on the look out for fakes, as they are more prevalent on free sites and apps, but if you're smart about it, you can suss them out before things go too far. The craving can be strong. There are tons of posts here about that exact thing. It can be a huge struggle with your inner self.
  10. I remember a lot of sex in the living room at that stage, as my son slept in our bed. Babies wake up (toddlers and school-age, too). It happens. You'll get more comfortable with it over time, and just get back to it once you've settled down the little one, assuming not a ton of time has passed. I saw your other post about wanting a woman as well. Yeah, that happens. And it's okay. Is your husband on board with that?
  11. Be honest about your experience and your situation. There are some women who feel more comfortable with another newbie, some women who would rather have someone with more experience, and everything in between. Being upfront will be appreciated. Are you on any dating sites? Reaching out socially to women at all?
  12. Of course it's okay! It's normal! I'd be more concerned (as an OB nurse) if you didn't. How long ago did you have your baby? Congratulations, BTW! Masturbation is totally normal as well. Do what makes you feel good, and go with your desires! A lot of women also struggle with wanting more than simply their husbands when they have children. Children may complicate matters some, but ultimately, you are still a sexual being.
  13. Welcome blondie! This is a great place for sorting this stuff out. If you haven't already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works, especially the rules thread (tagged below). Poke around and don't be afraid to shout out!
  14. With the newest update, it is also possible to follow a topic where the text box is. At the bottom of the text box, to the left, is a spot to switch on and off "Notify me of replies." You can follow a topic with that, if you are posting a response. Otherwise, you can still follow it at the top as stated above.