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BiTriMama last won the day on December 14 2018

BiTriMama had the most liked content!

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About BiTriMama

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    Ladylike as Fuck
  • Birthday 03/03/1980

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    Triathlon, hiking, backpacking, camping, surfing, the outdoors in general, furthering my education, running, trail running, skiing, travel
  • Favourite Film
    Swingers, Sideways, Kissing Jessica Stein

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  1. Are you also single? If not, you might consider another attached woman. if you are single, keep trying the apps. You never know when that one person will come in. I hadn’t logged into POF in a couple of months when I got a message from the woman I now live with and plan to marry! What are your settings on your profiles? Do you have it set that you’re interested in men and women, or only women? Be clear on your profile that you’re not interested in couples (though some will still ignore that). Put pics of you doing the things that interest you. My girl had that she’s into camping, and had pics of her being outside, and I liked that about her (and we do a lot of outdoorsy stuff together).
  2. BiTriMama

    Over-weight and Struggling

    It really depends on the person. My GF and I are both pretty overweight (I’m working on it myself), and my ex-GF was very slender. You just never know. Put yourself out there on all the apps, and see what happens. I hadn’t logged into POF for months when I got a message from the woman I now live with. So I say cast a wide net!
  3. BiTriMama

    Just saying hi

    Welcome! This is a great place for support, and there are threads with advice for finding a third, meeting a woman, dating sites, etc. Good luck with your journey!
  4. BiTriMama

    New to this and confused!

    I think a lot of us can relate on some level, especially those of us who have been married to men but feel a stronger pull toward women. You’re right, it’s not easy to determine the right course with your marriage. Even in the best of circumstances, someone gets hurt, and detangling finances and other entanglements is tough. Kids make it 1000x harder. I stayed married because of my son for a long time. In my case, my husband was quite abusive (though I didn’t recognize just how abusive until I’d left). I’d fallen out of love with him years before, but I still cared for him, and it tore me apart to leave. It was absolutely the best decision for me, in my case, and now I have an amazing girlfriend that I plan to marry. My son, who is 10 (he was 6 when I left) still wishes his parents were together, but logically he understands why I left. My thinking is that now he has the opportunity to see what a loving, respectful relationship really looks like.
  5. BiTriMama

    Searching for the "ideal"

    I can completely relate to being able to love more than one person, but struggling to balance two relationships. This is a big reason my attempts at polyamory have failed. When I was married, I found I just wanted her, not both. I stayed and tried to make the marriage work, but it failed for other reasons. Then, the same woman and I ended up together for a year, and we kept it open, as she identified as poly, but again, the balance was a struggle, and she couldn’t adhere to our agreements (I think the NRE was strong). When she refused to either do what she’d agreed to or end things with the guy, I ended them when her. I learned from these that I am definitely monogamous, and won’t be open to another arrangement again. Luckily, my girl now is the same way (and ironically, she had a similar experience with a poly woman around the same time I did, which further solidified her position with monogamy). So I’d say my ideal is a monogamous lesbian relationship, which I have now. The woman I am with is incredible, and we are a great match.
  6. Most are more for social purposes, not necessarily for dating, though some women do attend hoping to meet someone to date. It's just nice to connect with other women who can relate to specific life experiences and feelings, especially in-person.
  7. Each group will have its own culture. You’re wise to reach out to the organizer, and hopefully she can help answer this for you. Don’t be afraid to wear your ring. Plenty of gay women wear them, too! I’d say try out the group, be warm and friendly and HONEST, and if they can’t accept you for you with that, then that’s on them. If you go in there already behaving like you’re going to be shunned, then chances are you will be.
  8. If she wants to do things she can’t tell her husband, then that’s cheating. I suspect he would sure think it is. Maybe a woman can’t offer the same things a man can; but on that same note, a woman can offer things a man can’t. My girlfriend makes me feel so much more complete than my ex-husband EVER did. Believe me, what she and I have fucking counts. Imagine if your husband went and fell for a man, slept with him, developed feelings, and didn’t get your consent first. Would you consider that cheating, or is it somehow less valid because it’s with a guy? Would you be less affected by it? Less hurt and angry and broken? It sounds like she’s trying to justify this in her mind, much like @caliwoman said above.
  9. EXACTLY. I think this sometimes skews our perspective.
  10. BiTriMama


    Absolutely. I had a couple of threesomes when I was younger, and met with a few couples I decided I wasn’t into, but I always said I could never do it within the context of my own relationship. I felt like it was too risky. It’s definitely a different dynamic. It was really weird to see my husband kissing, let alone fucking, another woman when I was married, but in my case, I was ultimately more jealous of him than her, that he was the primary person doing things with her in those moments. But then, I am gay, so there’s that. They’re two very different things, being a third and being in the primary relationship, and it’s understandable that you would feel okay with one and not the other. You never know where time might take you, though. In my own case, I’ve been there, done that, realized I am inherently monogamous, so no more threesomes for me.
  11. I don’t think gender is part of it. If it goes against your agreements with your SO, it’s cheating.
  12. I went 15 years without it before I met my ex-GF, and that was a major struggle. When I came out as gay and stopped dating men, I had a two year dry spell (it had been about 7 years since I'd been with a woman, and the two years were with no one, and it never worked out with any women) that got me so lonely I opened back up to men (and met my ex-husband).
  13. BiTriMama

    Support groups for Him

    He may want to check out poly groups on meetup.com. I know there's one here where I live, and many more out there.
  14. I think there are a lot of things at play here. On the surface, I think it's normal for him to not want you to be with this woman. You've already shown him that you will violate your agreements with this woman, so that's what she represents to him. It will constantly remind him that you cheated on him with her (and you CAN still cheat within a poly relationship by not sticking to your agreements). It's very common when people open things up to agree not to see people you've cheated with for this very reason. Below that surface, there is the fact that your marriage is already hanging by a thread, and that he is not mentally healthy. This is a very common place for people to be when they explore polyamory as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage, and is often the fear of other women you might meet- that they'll get caught up in the drama. He's probably doing this in a hostage situation- do this or the marriage is over. That's not the best reason for this, though not an uncommon one. Just be aware that if you do pursue someone, it will likely bring out a very ugly side of him, and you've already seen a lot of his ugly side lately. Sometimes a guy will give a green light with trepidation, and will make so many limits that it's prohibitive of actually being able to meet a flesh-and-blood human, like she can't be local, she can't be anyone you know already or be connected to anyone you know, she has to disappear after you fool around, she can't have a name with a vowel in it, etc. It becomes unrealistic and not feasible to meet someone, outside of a sex worker, that meets the criteria.
  15. BiTriMama

    Anyone try Fetlife (app)?

    Top/bottom dynamics isn't only a BDSM thing. Tops basically do things to bottoms, to keep it really simple. For example, in gay male relationships, a top would be the one to give, anal sex, and the bottom would receive. With women, some women are strictly one or the other, though it's less common than with gay men. Some women don't want to give oral or wear a strap-on, for example, but enjoy receiving ("pillow princesses"). It's still pretty vanilla terminology, and isn't as relevant among lesbians, though it's important to talk about what you are and are not into (some don't like penetration, some love tribbing/scissoring, some don't, etc). What's "vanilla" is very subjective, and would still require a conversation. Dom/sub would be more BDSM, and may or may not correlate to top/bottom dynamics. Most people think of whips and chains with BDSM, but there's a lot more to it; a lot of it is mental. Which can be incredibly hot!