BiTriMama

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BiTriMama last won the day on November 28

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About BiTriMama

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    Ladylike as Fuck
  • Birthday 03/03/1980

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  • Location
    California
  • Interests
    Triathlon, hiking, backpacking, camping, surfing, the outdoors in general, furthering my education, running, trail running, skiing, travel
  • Favourite Film
    Swingers, Sideways, Kissing Jessica Stein

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  1. Welcome to the site! If you haven’t already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. As you’ve already figured out, we’re all about support, rather than hook ups and the like, and we work hard to keep this a safe space for situations exactly like your own. This can be a confusing time. Allow yourself the time to sort out your feelings, and utilize this site as you need it. Talk to your friends about your feelings, too. It can be helpful to hear how other people knew and about their journeys. Even if you do determine that you’re bi, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do anything about it, but identifying yourself for who you are and getting to know yourself that much better is helpful. Rarely is this a linear path, and you’ll see that all over this site!
  2. I worked at Victoria's Secret for 5 years, and I have to admit, there were times I wanted to do something like this! More than a few times, a woman would be trying something on and would ask me if something worked or if I thought her boyfriend would like whatever she was wearing, and I'd have to wear by best poker face, and would be like, "Mm hmm, yyyyyyyup." Nice story!!
  3. I agree. When I was on dating sites, I found it annoying when people were only looking for friends. It's like, do you understand the point of this site?? At least some of them have it in their profile, so I knew not to waste my time with them. I was NOT looking for friends. I did become good friends with one woman, one of my best friends now, through OKCupid. We met to date, but she realized she wasn't really in a good place for it (still very hung up on an ex-GF), and probably also realized she wasn't ready to date someone with a kid.
  4. I think they both probably got frustrated with me not picking up on the more subtle signs! LOL Both of them tend to be pretty blunt in general. The first and I had history, and there was palpable sexual chemistry, but I wasn't sure if that was only on my end until she said something, so it was an easy yes when she did. The second tends to be way more shy at first, and it was only our second date when she expressed her interest, kind of going from zero to sixty in the process. She tried a few flirty comments (I wasn't as sure yet how I felt about her), but I wasn't really biting. Then she came right out with it. Ultimately I gave her a shot, and I am really glad I did.
  5. Have you and your husband hashed out all of this between the two of you? I would start there. How involved is he okay with you being with someone else? Next, if you're not 100% sure you're bisexual (FYI, rarely are women curious, only to discover it's not something that interests them), be honest about that, and take it SLOW. Go out a few times, and see how you feel about her. When you're ready, kiss her. Take it one step at a time. I agree about not putting it out there that you're looking for something serious and looking for someone to be involved with your kids. Take it one step at a time, and go with where the chemistry takes you. DEFINITELY take time before she meets your kids. They really do get attached to your significant others, and it can be very unsettling for them if there's a revolving door of women in your life, or even just the occasional woman who's in and out of your life. I know that my son and my GF's daughter would be crushed if we broke up. My girl FaceTimed with me yesterday while driving with her daughter, and her daughter was like, "I wanna talk to her!!" and nearly tore the phone out of her mom's hand to talk to me. I also agree about being honest about being married. Be upfront. As someone who was recently single and looking, I would have felt duped had someone been *surprise* married. Definitely a deal breaker. And I agree that keeping your expectations low about the first (second, fifth) woman you meet is wise. Like dating in any circumstance, rarely do you meet The One right out of the gate. It usually takes sifting through a few potential candidates to find someone you're compatible with. The right woman/women will not be put off by you being upfront. It's an admirable quality that will take you far in your relationships in general. I would HIGHLY recommend reading The Ethical Slut by Dossie Eaton or Opening Up by Tristan Taormino before you start searching for women. You might also look to see if there are any poly munches in your area. That can be a great way to meet women who might be in to this, and others who have been there. When I was married, my husband insisted on being a part of it, and didn't allow us any time without him, which I didn't like, but it was my compromise to try to make it work (hint, it didn't). I would have MUCH preferred something like what you're talking about. Later, when I was in a relationship with a bisexual poly woman, she had casual relationships with men until one wasn't casual, and it overtook our relationship rather quickly, enough so that it ended our relationship. You have to be careful about that NRE, or new relationship energy. It can be very overwhelming and intoxicating, and woman/woman relationships are INTENSE. Don't let your husband fall by the wayside.
  6. Maybe she's one of those women who are just super flirtatious. I fucking hate that. I always misinterpret that, too. It's kind of attention-seeking, IMO, and tends to mess with the rest of us (sorry to offend anyone here who tends to be flirtatious).
  7. I haven't yet done it in a car, but it is absolutely my favorite thing to do. I wish my girl was more into receiving, but I get to do it sometimes, and I can't get enough when I do! The first time ever was when I was 18, and it was 15 more years before I got to do it again. That first memory got me through A LOT of man sex over the years! LOL Imagining going down on a woman is generally my go-to when I'm trying to get off.
  8. You'll leave when you're ready to leave. I live in an expensive area as well. I will say, I am able to be a better mom to my son now being free of my abusive ex. I think you may be right about her friend cheating with her, from what you're saying. I doubt you're misreading the signals, if they are as you've described them. And her keeping you away from her husband... I wonder if he might become suspicious or detect the chemistry if he sees you two together? Is she coming over without the kids there? I still agree that yes, she's saying you should have permission to cheat in your circumstances. A lot of abusive men tend to be pretty self-centered in general, and that carries over into the bedroom. I know my ex was quite selfish and did whatever worked for him with little regard for what worked for me.
  9. This was what I was going to suggest. Take the two issues separately. Use this as the fire under your butt to move the divorce timeline up. What has you holding off a few years on that? I left a very abusive marriage about 3 years ago. It wasn't easy, but boy was it worth it. I left in spite of the fact that I couldn't afford to do it. I had been trying to get a job since before I had made the decision to leave, and my ex had sabotaged every job interview along the way. I ended up with an amazing job offer a week after I left him. Things have a way of working out. You're welcome to message me if you want to ask me anything. I have posted a lot about that and dating women. I agree with the above comments that she's interested. I will say that a lot of people SAY they are happy without it necessarily being true. Who knows, maybe she and her husband ARE happy, but they have a companionate marriage. You never know what's happening behind closed doors. The text, I would have to see more of the context under which it came, but yes, it sounds like she doesn't think you're in a healthy marriage and you deserve better. And giving you permission to cheat. She says men, who know what she really means. I think the questions about your sister and LGBT stuff have definitely been about feeling you out. Definitey be careful about drinking too much around her, or letting her drink too much. Like @Hungry said, she could easily use that excuse if anything is said or done and then be dismissive about it, which could leave you hurt and broken. But you could do a girls night out, and maybe have a drink or two (limit it to that), and get to talking, and see where it goes!
  10. There are several posts about this in the Salon forum. Here's the most recent one:
  11. I think the best way I can't explain the sensation is waves of intense pleasure, almost like a really strong sneeze, but better, and several times. Then your genitals become extremely sensitive, like you can't touch them. One thing I would recommend is, if you can have the house to yourself on a day that you're kind of wound up and turned on, lay in bed, grab some lube, and just start slowly touching all over. Experiment with different sensations, different ways to touch yourself in different places. Try circles one way, then the other. Up and down, side to side. Rub your inner lips around your vagina, as your clit actually extends down that way internally. Feel them swell up under your fingers. Try pulling back the clitoral hood by pulling the skin upward from the front (mons) to expose the head of your clit more, and see how that feels as you get more aroused. Just enjoy the sensations, and let your mind enjoy dirty thoughts, wherever they may take you. Don't even focus on the orgasm part of things yet. Just explore the sensations, and feel how your body responds to certain thoughts. Some may get you more excited than others, and a significant amount of this is mental. It may be that those uncomfortable times were either a move that didn't feel good, or you getting close to orgasm. Sometimes there are almost like "warning shocks" that can hit when you're getting close or on the right track, and they can be intense. Like, a shock with every stroke of the finger or tongue. Experiment with intensity, too. And allow it to build up. I know I like it to start fairly gently, then get more intense as I get more aroused. Try adding a dildo or fingers inside as you get more excited, and try different angles and speeds with that. Try smooth ones and bumpy ones. We're all different! You can also try this with your partner, and make the whole night about you and being patient with you. You'll need to be good at verbalizing what you want and don't want for this to work, and he has to be very patient and totally focused on you and your desires. If he's not good at that, then don't include him in this. You don't want to have any pressure, and he needs to not expect to get to fuck you at the end of this, because that will put pressure on trying to hurry. Of the two choices, I would strongly recommend trying this stuff alone.
  12. I have borderline traits, and I struggle with paralyzing fear of rejection and self-worth related to that as well. I have the emotional roller coaster as well, and I have to keep myself in check with that. I HATE when my partner falls asleep on me without saying goodnight. I end up taking it personally, though it's unlikely that is actually the case. My brain can start spiraling with thoughts that are pretty irrational. Luckily it's rare with my GF, and she ends up snuggling up to me, and it's hard to feel rejected when she does that! It's important to share with him the kinds of things that trigger you as they come up. Like this. And just say to him, "I realize that it's not rational, but the way my brain works, this kind of thing sets me off and really upsets me." You're right, he will probably feel really bad, but be gentle, and be clear with him that you're trying to help him avoid triggering you by accident. Things will come up over time, and communicating with him what sets you off will help you two have a happier life together. My girlfriend used to get scarcastic with some stuff, and would take it too far, enough so that I would get really upset, almost in tears. Once she realized how it affected me, she stopped doing it. Sometimes out of habit, she will start, and I will have to say to her, "If you're playing around, please tell me now." And she will, and it stops. I hope you're seeing a therapist with all this, especially if you're newly diagnosed. A couple of good books to check out are I Hate You, Don't Leave Me by Kreisman and Straus, and The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by McKay, Wood and Brantley. You can learn to retrain your brain, and you can work with your fiancé to find ways through the ways your brain wants to mess with you. It's easy to feel rejected over something totally unintentional and not about you at all, so communication is critical. I hope that helps!
  13. Laying on the couch with my girl, who is using my laptop to Christmas shop.
  14. There was on the old format, but it went away several months ago during a major update/overhaul. We hope to have it back at some point, but our admin has been busy with other life stuff and it hasn't been a major priority. I'm sure there will be a big announcement when/if it returns.
  15. I totally agree that you have a whole other adolescence when you open up to a new gender. It's a very different experience and skill set! I don't think you need to have a lot of sex with someone to know if there's a connection. My GF and I started out casual. Neither of us were really looking for a relationship when we met, just kind of open to "whatever". So we started out more sexual (though there were a couple of dates before then and an established connection). We slept together twice, then she made a move that really stood out to me (too long to get into here) and showed me that she was someone different from anyone I was used to. She started asking "theoretical" questions about developing feelings. Within a couple of days (and no additional sex), we abandoned the whole "casual" thing, as we both admitted we had feelings and were starting to fall for one another. The more I have gotten to know her, and the more she has shown her vulnerability, the more I have fallen for her, and the more attracted to her I am. I think each couple is different how sex impacts the connection, as each connection is different, as are the people in each couple, but if that's generally how you operate, then that's generally how you operate.