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Everything posted by BiTriMama

  1. Good for you!! I’m glad you had a gratifying experience!!! <3
  2. Hello, I have split your post into its own topic. It’s important not to start your own topic within someone else’s thread. Please read the site rules in How Our Forum Works. If you read through the forums, you’ll see that there are several posts that address exactly this question.
  3. Many of us have been in abusive relationships, and it seems each day there's a new thread or post about someone who thinks they might be, so I thought it might be helpful to put a few things together in one place. Whether you're in an abusive relationship, recently freed yourself from one, watching someone you love in one, or something else, this thread can offer something for you. It is and will likely continue to be a work in progress. I invite all members who have some experience with abuse and/or links to resources to post with the hopes of helping other members find health and happiness. I will link some of the threads already on the site with stories of abuse so that they might help others. Please hare how you experienced the signs of abuse, how they affected you mentally, what kept you from leaving, how you got out, and anything else you feel might be relevant and helpful to others. Remember that abuse isn't always physical, and doesn't always become physical. Abuse can be emotional, narcissistic, financial, psychological, sexual, etc. It can include shaming, gaslighting, isolation, violation of boundaries, making you feel trapped, invalidation, minimizing, feeling like you need to walk on eggshells, and many other unhealthy behaviors. Rarely is it all bad, either, which adds to the confusion. In the beginning, it is often fairy tale wonderful, and even as the relationship continues, we catch glimpses of this, just enough to give us hope that things might improve someday. Few would stay with someone who treated them badly 100% of the time, but many of us have stayed even being treated poorly 90% of the time. NO ONE deserves to be treated like this. I will also include some definitions and links as I build up this post. I can add helpful resources to the original post as they come up. Many of the links below are on very helpful sites with lots of other posts, so feel free to click around. Please feel free to create your own threads with questions, as this post is more dedicated to answers and resources. *********************************************************************************** Characteristics of an abusive relationship Excerpt: The relationship may be abusive if one of the partners: Withholds affection or approval as a form of punishment. Criticizes and shouts at their partner, or calls them mean, negative, and hurtful names. Ignores their partner's feelings and insults their beliefs, ideas, and/or values. Lies to their partner to manipulate and control their thoughts. Insists their partner look a certain way. Humiliates their partner in public. Keeps their partner from seeing and having contact with friends and family. Prevents their partner from communicating with others or restricts their means of communication, such as taking away their phone or computer. Withholds resources such as money or transportation. Makes their partner feel guilty if they spend time with other people, thereby isolating them. Puts their partner in dangerous situations, such as driving recklessly, driving under the influence, or abandoning them. Displays violent and threatening behavior, like throwing objects, or hitting, punching, or slapping their partner. Locks their partner out of the house, or traps them in a room. Rapes or sexually assaults their partner, or threatens to do so. Threatens to commit suicide if their partners leaves or confide in someone about the abuse they are facing. Threatens to hurt their partner or their loved ones, including themselves. Threatens to kill their partner if they leave or confide in someone about the abuse they are facing. A person may also be in an abusive relationship if they: Experience fear in their partner's presence, or fear of what they may do to them. Want to leave the relationship but feel as though they cannot. Believe they deserve to be harmed or punished by their partner. Feel guilty or feel like everything is their fault. Are afraid of being alone with their partner. Signs you're in a toxic relationship General info about abusive relationships Narcissistic abuse Signs you've been abused by a narcissist Gaslighting: manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Signs you're being gaslighted More about gaslighting Isolation Financial abuse Financial abuse from Women's Law MANY helpful links on this site- click around!!! Signs of a sexually abusive relationship Physical and sexual abuse Getting the courage to leave Recovering emotionally Unspoken Secrets about Life After Abuse Rules of No Contact Hoovering and No Contact Gray Rock Additional sites with many helpful articles and links: One Mom's Battle: about divorcing a narcissist, especially if you have kids National Domestic Violence Hotline Darkness to Light child sexual abuse Luke 17:3 Ministries Christian-based abuse resources, excellent even if you are not Christian Out of the Fog info and forum about personality disorders Books you may find helpful: Divorcing a Narcissist series by Tina Swithin In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George Simon Jr. PhD Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD and Randi Kreger BIFF Response by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. *************************************************************** ShyBi Threads:
  4. I know I didn’t see it until I got out. I just felt like he was controlling. I can remember learning about abusive relationships in nursing school, going, “Isn’t a lot of this normal?” My friend was like, “Uh, no.”
  5. Welcome! It’s great that your husband is so supportive! Luckily there are lots of avenues out there for finding women (this is a support site only). It sounds like you’re well on your way! Good to hear he didn’t freak out when there was an actual flesh-and-blood woman- sometimes the reality is too much after being okay with things in theory. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts.
  6. Welcome! I’m glad to hear your boyfriend is supportive, at least. That makes a huge difference. It’s so hard when those around you don’t understand. You’re doing things right if your daughter feels safe coming out like this. Biphobia is real! This is a wonderful place for support and camaraderie. You’ll find a lot of site help and the rules in How Our Forum Works. Dive into the forums and check the place out!
  7. Welcome! Have you talked with your husband about any of this at all? Even if you don't mention your crush, it would be good to open the dialog about your sexuality (don't push him about HIS sexuality). Do you want to be able to pursue other relationships within your marriage? It's not outside the realm of possibilities, though it's not the right arrangement for everyone. There are TONS of posts on this site about that. Be careful, if you do open things up a bit, about pursuing someone at work. That can get messy fast! But it's nice that she's sparked this part of you again.
  8. There are tons of thread about dealing with the desire for a woman while married to a man, just do some searching. The Married forum has a lot of those.
  9. Welcome! I’ve split your post into its own thread. It’s important not to hijack a thread with your own topic. Please check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. I’ve edited down your post as well to keep it within the rules. I would recommend reading through those before going too much further on the site. It’s always important to get to know the rules and culture of a forum prior to posting. Welcome!
  10. I would recommend reading several posts within this forum (How Our Forum Works), such as the site rules, chatbox guidelines, and anything else that stands out to you. Then read through posts in other forums, and get a sense of the culture and who people are before you post a bunch. Then post when you’re ready.
  11. Don’t wait too long to meet! The sooner, the better!!
  12. Keep searching. The right one’s out there. You never know. You know my girl and I kinda had a rocky start, but you see how good we are now. And we started out as a more physical/casual thing...
  13. Is this the same chick you were talking about before?? I agree, more red flags, girl!
  14. Monogamy all the way. I’ve done the poly/open thing, and I’ve learned it’s not for me. I feel really satisfied with someone who is as inherently monogamous as I am.
  15. There’s always that one that throws you off your game in the best possible way! My girl stops me from my overthinking tailspins and just balances me out in a way I’ve never known. Her approach with me just makes me fall that much more for her every time. I get it!
  16. Do what feels right for you. At least you’re not letting him distract you from what you ultimately want, and you got that charge and flattery of someone like this being into you! Good luck with your search for a woman. I will say, be open to the possibilities. I probably wouldn’t have given my GF a chance, had I not been open to someone outside of my “type.” She is INCREDIBLE, and I will probably marry her. She snuck up on me when I least expected it. So ultimately, my advice is to stay open and put yourself out there.
  17. Welcome to the site! This is a wonderful support forum, rather than a dating site. There are posts within the site about various dating sites, if you dig around a bit. Please see How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. I have edited down your post a little to keep it within the terms of service. I hope you enjoy the site!
  18. Welcome to the site! If you haven't already, please check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. It's tough to have that craving when you're married, and even harder when you feel like you're alone in this. I hope you find a little comfort in knowing that's not the case!
  19. Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. That's heartbreaking, and I can only imagine how hard it's been for you. I hope your family is coming together during this and I hope the memorial went beautifully.
  20. Looking forward to a few days of being off the grid, camping with my girl <3

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Hungry


      Hope it's everything you hope for and more! :)

    3. BiTriMama


      We had an incredible time.  It makes me look forward to more times like it!

    4. BenedettaC


      Good for you! :D I love camping, but my partner isn't into it (although she has promised to try 'glamping' - i.e. the more luxurious variety - at some point)...

  21. So much nope! I only have a minute, but she sounds like someone who has “high standards”-ed herself into being single forever. No one will ever be good enough for her. And how dare YOU reject HER. Yup, another narcissist (or similar brand of crazy).
  22. Yes to all of this! It took me awhile to realize that my "appreciation" for some girls was actually attraction, especially after growing up in a very conservative environment without any LGBT role models. It's funny, we share a property with some other folks, and one of our neighbors is, like, model hot (and is super nice). When he walks around without his shirt on, both my GF and I take notice! LOL But we both have ZERO desire for the dick (and are monogamous).
  23. It sounds like his insecurity setting in. Are there any organizations in India that are support for those with LGBT loved ones? In the US, there is one called PFLAG. It might be a good thing for him to get a bit of input from others with different perspectives. When I identified as bi, and was dating men, it was never a question for me- I was monogamous (until I was married, and my husband at the time brought up other options). Regardless of sexual identity, some of us are monogamous, some poly, and some in between. More bisexual people are open, probably, but that doesn't mean ALL are. Ultimately, he's either going to believe you or he's not. It's up to you, but it's going to be exhausting having to "prove" yourself every day if he doesn't let this go, and it's not fair to you. There is a certain element of trust and faith that we have to accept when we get married, and he cannot hold against you his own hang ups. Make sure you work this stuff out before you end up married. Good luck!
  24. That's pretty cool! The first thing that came to mind before reading it was that bisexuality is a spectrum, but you have that included. It might be good to talk about the fact that some people aren't stationary along the spectrum, that some people slide around a bit. You've addressed polyamory and monogamy, but maybe touch on the spectrum of open relationships, "monogamish", and the like. Women who are married to men but maybe have a girlfriend who is also married, that kind of thing. Or who have the odd threesome or one-off with someone the opposite gender from their primary partner. I love that you've included links to resources and communities, and encourage seeking out others to feel less alone. I think that's key when coming out. It might be good to define some of the other identities that tend to get lumped with bi, such as pansexual, homoromantic, etc. I think it's a wonderful project! Love it!
  25. Welcome! If you haven't already, please check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. Then dive into the forums!