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Everything posted by BiTriMama

  1. Welcome to the site! As stated above, this is a support site only and not for meeting women, but it’s a great place to connect with women who understand. You’re very fortunate to have a supportive husband!
  2. I agree about asking her to hang out. It’s too easy to misinterpret signals when we really want them to be signals. Being in another environment will help, and you can make a more overt move or statement outside of work. You’ll see a different side of her. As scary as it is, you’ll probably need to be pretty clear about what you want in order to get an answer.
  3. Welcome to the site! If you haven’t already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. It’s great that you’ve started coming out! That’s awesome!! It’ll make it easier to date women, too. You might consider referring people to PFLAG if they think this is a phase. I will say that my bisexuality was a long phase- on the way to gaytown. And it takes awhile to feel accepted as such, especially if you’ve grown up in a homophobic environment. Often they also don’t realize that if you happen to be dating a guy, that doesn’t mean you’re not bi anymore, this is just who you’re dating. You do you, and keep being honest about who you are. They’ll figure it out eventually.
  4. I'm sorry to see you go! You've been a staple around here for a long time, and we've had some good conversations between us. Thanks for lending an ear when I've needed it. You've grown and matured so much over the years I've seen you here, and it's been beautiful to watch. I hope your path moving forward is a positive one!
  5. My girlfriend is almost 7 years younger than me (I'll be 38 next month), and that was weird for me for a bit. She seems to like older women, in general, based on her history, though it's been a mix. My last GF before her was a couple of years younger, but not much. For me, age is a small factor. Maturity is WAY more important, and she and I are on the same page about a lot (nearly all!) of the important things. That matters so much more than her being the same age as me. She did make a funny comment to me last week. My mom is staying with us right now for a few weeks while her new home gets situated, and my girl said, "It's okay if you look like your mom when you're that age." LOL Good thing, because I look a lot like my mom!
  6. Welcome to the site! Please check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts if you haven't already. I think many of us were used for sex by a guy somewhere early on. I know my first boyfriend broke it off with me for not putting out (when I was 15). Some guys are just scum, but the same can be said for women! How fortunate you are to know this stuff about you so young. You'll find a lot of members here who realized it after they'd already married men and started families. I was 18 when I realized I was into women, and 25 when I came out as gay (only to then end up married to an abusive man for 7 years, then leave him). We all have our journeys, and as you poke through the forums, I think you'll find a lot of interesting stories and relatable situations.
  7. Hi!

    Welcome! This is a fun cozy little community with lots of love and support for one another. If you haven't yet, please check out How Our Forum Works for the site rules and other helpful posts. it's nice to have a place to be able to talk about what's REALLY going on with some anonymity (though that's never a guarantee!). Since everything else seems to be linked to Facebook, and most of us don't care to have our extended families know EVERYTHING about us, it's nice to have something a bit more separate!
  8. Welcome, Jenna! This is a wonderful support site, and many of us have been in your situation or similar. If you haven't already, be sure to check out How Out Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. It's awesome that your husband is so supportive! Good luck on your journey together!
  9. Welcome to the site! This can be a great place for support, but no, it's not as active as, say, a large Facebook group. That would probably be the next closest thing to what you're looking for. For some direction on this site, check out How Our Forum Works, where there are many threads, including the site rules, with some great guidance. Relationships with women can be really intense and can take you by surprise when you least expect it! Limerence is a very powerful force, and it's good to recognize it for what it is. I think most of us have landed in relationships we realized were WAY wrong for us once that initial excitement wore off! But it sounds like it helped you learn about yourself, and that alone is a great gift.
  10. shybi

    I think it’s important to consider what new members think, too, because it takes having new people joining for the site to stay alive. Just as there are active veteran members, there are active new members, and we need to be able to draw new members in. I totally agree that an admin team would be great, hopefully with a mix of strengths. Since we ALL have lives outside this site, I have to imagine it’s a lot for any one person to manage at this point. Like what @wolfbigrl88 said, part of what I love about this site is being able to help others who are struggling. Over the years we’ve seen several members just blossom and come out of bad situations or just realize who they really are and grow to be okay with that and eventually meet the right woman. This is a tight knit community, one that I can’t imagine would be matched anywhere else for this subject matter, and certainly not as welcoming of new members. At this point, @la-femme, what would be helpful from us to keep things going and to take some of the load off your plate?
  11. shybi

    To answer your question to me, I personally would be happy to help step up duties, as moderator hands are tied in many ways, and I know that everything that needs to happen is a lot to fall on any one person's plate. A couple of the other moderators have been in here and there, but I think lately I'm the only one who's been in consistently. I know the others have had some life stuff happening. It would be nice to be able to add more moderators, but I don't have that power. If I had the know-how and the funds to do it, I'd love to keep the site up and figure out how to divide up the work among other regulars. There IS a Facebook group, but it's very rarely used. I think most members want to keep this site separate from their FB presence, so that's where we have an additional hurdle to clear.
  12. shybi

    I am definitely NOT good at handling the back-of-house, technical stuff with this. I do think that a required fee would keep many, if not most, members from ever joining, at the risk of their husbands seeing the charge. But I also agree that ads may also risk privacy. Having a place to donate, like we once had, might help some, though I realize donations were always sporadic. Many public WiFi networks block this site for adult content. I’m not sure if there isn’t a way to circumvent that, as I’m sure that reduces traffic some. Keeping things fresh, like activating the chatroom again, would help keep traffic going, IMO. This site certainly means a lot to me, like it does to many of us. Here’s hoping for the best.
  13. Welcome to the site! Your situation is just the kind of thing that’s why this site exists. It’s so important to have support and to not feel alone with this. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. I’m sorry to hear your husband isn’t more supportive. Often that’s out of fear that this somehow makes you more likely to leave. Hopefully in time, you two can find some common ground on this.
  14. I found it to be a lot like Tinder, and more fakes/scammers than real women. I did meet a couple of women from there who I had first dates with. A lot of fakes who said they’re in the military (which was easy to determine was fake with a few questions, since I’m a veteran). Those ones generall eventually ask for money. I reported them before it ever got to that.
  15. First, welcome to the site! At least here you get a bit more anonymity! If you haven't already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. Even in larger areas, it's easy to end up coming across women who run in close circles. I live near San Francisco, and it's hard to find a lesbian who hasn't already dated/slept with a friend somewhere along the way! I got SO lucky that my girlfriend moved here from another area! We basically have no connection other than to each other. Around here, it's hard to keep anything a secret. I come from a small town myself, so I get where you're coming from!
  16. Welcome back! It’s so liberating when you can just be out and be yourself. Your dating history has little to do with what you really want. I dated men primarily for a long time just because it was easier. Now I exclusively date women. Assumptions are dangerous!
  17. Welcome to the site! I think you’ve experienced what many do, that mistaken thing of trying to check something like this off of an imaginary list and pretend that will do the job. But it’s kind of like saying that about sex in general, or many other things in life. You can’t control your sexuality. How does your husband feel about it? If you haven’t already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts.
  18. It sounds like maybe you and M are finding comfort in each other and your connections to your husband, and this is one way you're both processing your grief, and that's okay! I would guess that the first time you DO fool around with your couple, it will be emotional for all of you, and you'll feel the void of your husband not being there. Again, that's okay. You can all talk about it in advance, and even during. Sometimes grief sex like that can bring you closer and be very intimate. It's a very different dynamic. If you all can get over this hump (pardon the pun), I think eventually you'll find a new normal that's the three of you. Do they know that you're sleeping with M? Don't be afraid to cross the bridge into sex with them. They will probably treat you like you're fragile, so if that's not what you want, talk to them about it beforehand. Lots of communication. As mentioned above, everyone grieves differently. I think probably for those of us for whom sex is a means of intimacy, it's natural that the sex drive goes up when you're craving comfort and affection to heal. Plus, with how things were sexually in your life when you lost him so suddenly, and how much connection you've experienced through that kind of intimacy, it all makes sense in my mind. There's no one "right" way to grieve. You have to go through your own journey. Sending you big hugs! I'm glad you have people around you that you can lean on.
  19. Welcome to the site! This is a wonderfully supportive community, which it sounds like you've figured out! If you haven't already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts. How great that your SO is supportive! Are you planning to pursue women while you're together?
  20. You might check out the HRC store online- I have a tee shirt that says Mighty Gay. I love it! Recently I was at a restaurant, and our server had on a bracelet with a few rainbow beads on it. I complimented it and told him I was family, too. He was like, You're the first person ever to notice it! Some of the fakes can be more deceptive. Anyone saying they're in the military and deploying is 100% fake. I learned over time to try to meet sooner than later (and I totally agree about nudes). Anyone scared off by actually meeting wasn't worth my time. And yeah, a sorority would be like a smorgasbord!
  21. Tinder - very "hook-up-y", and even more based on looks than most other apps/sites. If you're not traditionally hot, it will be hard to get a lot of matches. Very much like the old "Hot or Not" site. Plenty of Fish - Hard to navigate, IMO. Luckily, my GF somehow managed to find me and shoot me a message! Need to have a paid membership to see much of someone's profile. Craigslist - occasional diamond in the rough, but mostly very explicit hook up ads. Be prepared for guys and couples who don't care that you explicitly said you're ONLY looking for women. OKCupid - continues to be a good app/site, and has been around for quite awhile now. Fetlife - specific to fetishes, can look people up based on fetish. Good way to find a unicorn and learn about kink and swinger events and communities. Meetup - good for interests of all kinds, including LGBT. Good way to explore. Don't limit yourself to LGBT stuff! You never know who might also share your love of knitting!
  22. You'll get there! That's the peril of being the "passable" gay girl- everyone assumes you're straight. With time, you'll find your way into your own identity more and more. You may also find yourself morphing some with different partners. My more feminine partner drew out my more butch side, and my GF now brings out my more femme side, though I still generally wear men's clothing. We are each our own! Some people still can't figure me out until I say something. It's hard to find a lot of lesbian hang outs anymore. With the evolution of online dating, most people meet that way, and there are several apps and sites for that. Just be cognizant of the fakes out there (we have threads about that here).
  23. I'm not sure why it would be unusual. Many women are out who are bisexual. There's often no need to stay closeted. When I was married, I still brought it up if it was relevant to the conversation. I've never been quiet about my sexual orientation, but I also don't blast it all over.
  24. Relationships are relationships, regardless of gender, but pursuing women is definitely different from dating men! That was my problem (still is a struggle for me). Luckily I've dated a couple of women who made their intentions with me ABUNDANTLY clear, leaving no room for misinterpretation. The dynamic between two women is definitely different, and while there aren't a ton of generalizations one can safely make, I will say I like how much more egalitarian same-sex relationships are. You can really make them your own. We're already queer, why not queer up the relationship? For example, my GF is quite butch, but she also has some very feminine traits about her, and I adore that! My last GF was pretty femme, but many of her thought patterns are like men I've known. I know I'm a mix of masculine and feminine traits. I think most of us are, but queer relationships make that a little less linear. It's less obvious who's going to fill what role, the way you can see it in an opposite-sex relationship. I can understand wanting to understand this all better yourself before shouting it from your family's rooftops. When you're ready, you'll know. You can also look up PFLAG in your area, which is a great resource for them.
  25. Again, I think you're looking for broad generalizations, and that's dangerous thinking. Some bi women are happier with men, some with women, most it's more individual. As far as male love versus female love, again, too generalized (and frankly, makes it sound like women will put up with anything). I have certainly met women who aren't into the kind of love described as the way a woman loves here, and vice versa. My girlfriend is incredibly protective of me, very verbal about her feelings toward me, and is really big on pulling her weight financially. But she also possesses many of the other qualities you listed. Again, it's just very individual. I think maybe it'll be easier for you when things aren't as theoretical as they are right now, with there still being so much time before you and your girl are together. You'll learn more about how it feels once you two are in the same place at the same time, and that will be your experience and yours alone. How you two relate to each other will be different from how you might relate to another person. Each relationship is different.