BiTriMama

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Everything posted by BiTriMama

  1. Good for you, @Gemini82! I know this is hard, but it’s so important to live your truth. There are several members here who have done this, and I think it’s a lot of men’s worst fears when their wife comes out to them. It’s a very real risk. But your sexuality isn’t something you have a choice about. You’re also showing your daughter about living her truth and not putting the feelings of others ahead of her own, which many women don’t learn for a long time. And you’re right- the girl who changed it all for you will always hold a special place in your heart.
  2. Click on your screen name on the top right. Click on "Profile." Click on "Edit Profile", located on your cover photo. Please feel free to post profile-related questions here!
  3. First, welcome! This is a wonderful support site, and you’ll find a lot of women who can relate to your situation. Have you considered meeting another married woman in a similar situation? I think the natural initial thought is a single woman, but not many single women are looking for this kind of arrangement. However, TONS of married women are, and they have the same priorities. As you get into the forums here, you’ll find lots of posts about this topic. I’d also recommend reading through the site rules and other helpful posts in How Our Forum Works.
  4. Welcome! If you haven’t yet, check out How Our Forum Works, where you’ll find the site rules and other helpful posts. That’ll help get you familiar with the site. Does your husband know about your feelings? This is a wonderful community, and you’ll find many women here can relate to your situation.
  5. I am SO much happier now having left. I’m with an amazing woman who treats me well and I actually have say over my own life! You’ll do what you can, as far as the kids go. But don’t wait to tell them. My son was 6, and we told him together the next day. At that point, things were still amicable. It wasn’t until about 6 weeks later, when my ex realized I wasn’t coming back, that he got really nasty with me, and that’s been his MO ever since. I’d told my mom and a few close friends beforehand, and they all supported my choice to leave (as none of them liked him). I stayed with my mom when I left, so I’d needed to make those arrangements ahead of time.
  6. Do you know anyone who’s had her boobs done, and you like how they look? Ask! Ask around, ask your doc, ask nurse friends (I’m a nurse and I work for surgeons- I have lots of people I ask about surgeons!). Your hairdresser? Counsin? Ask!
  7. strap-on

    I love this harness: https://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/p/1-5-BM-0303/sportsheets/velvet-harness?lref=Cat|catalog70002_gv162||15|c|0|-relevance|toy_category|0 My girl prefers one of the RodeOh ones. I find I don’t have as good of control wearing it as I do with the other one. Experiment and see what works for your bodies! I find what works varies depending on the person.
  8. Now that you’re talking about divorce, I would recommend reading a series of books called Divorcing A Narcissist by Tina Swithin. I am almost 4 years into my divorce from a narcissist. It’s a wild ride. Feel free to reach out if you need someone who gets it.
  9. Oh wow, you decided to do it! Good for you!!!! I know this is scary on many fronts. This will probably shock them, but reassure them that you’re both still there for them. Answer any questions they have kindly and honestly. Don’t ever speak ill of one another to the kids. Keep it simple and clear and don’t leave room for hopes that you’ll get back together. Sending you strength and good wishes through all this!!
  10. I keep forgetting it got merged into the singles forum with the last update. Here you go! And look up “gaslighting” in particular. You mentioned questioning your own memory- gaslighting is a specific tactic to make you question yourself.
  11. Maybe others who are better at making the first move than I am can weigh in, but I would suggest being honest with her about how you feel, and that there’s a part of you that longs for what you had.
  12. It’s understandable you’d want to cling to the hope that he will change. Marriage is a commitment few of us take lightly. However, when your partner refuses to treat you with respect (to love and to honor, right?), and they choose instead to be abusive, whether overt or covert (my ex was the latter), you absolutely do not have to stand for that. I have a post in the relationship forum about abusive relationships I’d recommend reading. My ex used to make me feel guilty and ashamed all the time, like anything I did for my own happiness or that wasn’t completely centered around him was selfish and not worthwhile. He would talk me out of taking jobs because he didn’t want me to be able to support myself. He isolated me from my friends and family. By the time I left him, I was a shell of a person. I was angry and felt like I’d completely lost myself. The best thing I ever did for myself (and my son) was leave. Now I’m in an awesome relationship with an amazing woman who treats me really well. I couldn’t have imagined this kind of happiness. I don’t have to be scared to tell her bad news or to pursue my dreams. She has my back. We talk through our disagreements and listen to one another’s perspectives. We support each other through life’s challenges and when one of us is down in life. It really CAN be that way, without the drama and the constantly walking on eggshells and questioning your own experiences and thoughts. She understands my scars (she has some, too), and she’s patient with me when I’m triggered or feeling insecure. I know it’s easier said than done. It took me years to leave, because I didn’t want my son to go through that, and I wanted to believe I could make it work. But he refused to do his part. He would come to me with these big promises and he would be good for a few months, but sure enough, those old behaviors would creep back in, and we were back where we’d started. I don’t envy your situation, but I wish you the best. <3
  13. Any chance your friend would be into sparking things back up? Might not hurt to suggest it! ;)
  14. Welcome! I’m definitely one of those women who has a hard time talking to a woman I’m attracted to. I feel socially awkward, in general, so that doesn’t help. I’m also really good at reading into things I shouldn’t, and totally missing signals when they’re there. The women I’ve dated have had to be extremely explicit about their interest in me!
  15. I agree that time apart is probably best. Otherwise, you’re left longing for her. What’s keeping you in your marriage? In my experience, abusers don’t change, and once a relationship has a certain dynamic, it’s nearly impossible to break. Do you feel like you’d be happier with a woman, in general? What would be your ideal, assuming nothing changes with your husband, as far as his behavior/lack of desire for a poly relationship?
  16. First, welcome! This is a wonderful place for support, and you'll find many members who can relate to that angst you describe. If you haven't already, please check out How Our Forum Works for the site rules and other helpful posts. Next, I'm sorry to hear of your break up. Don't rush into anything with anyone, or feel like you need to have all the answers now about your sexuality. Give yourself time to process both of these. Relationships with women are very different from men, in my experience. First, there's accepting that you want something that's outside the "norm" in the first place. Then there's meeting women. Women aren't generally aggressive the way men are, and the approach is WAY different. You generally will need to be more forward with women than you have been with men. The dynamic once you're dating someone is different, too. You don't follow the same gender roles. There's more back and forth, and it tends to be a bit more egalitarian (part of what I love about it!). Have you thought about, once you've grieved your recent break up, seeking out a support group? It might be a good step to help with wrapping your head around this. You might also choose a friend to talk to. Saying these things out loud is very powerful (just as I'm sure typing all this for the first time was).
  17. Welcome! This is a wonderful support site (not a dating site, FYI). If you haven’t already, please check out the site rules and other helpful posts in How Our Forum Works.
  18. Different perspectives and discrimination are two different things, and denying someone's right to their own identity is one element of discrimination. Simple as that. A couple of examples of genders outside the binary: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-history-of-indias-third-gender-movement_us_58334db5e4b099512f841fd0 http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/third-gender-native-american-tribes This is more anecdotal: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/9-things-people-get-wrong-about-being-non-binary
  19. This world has always included those who fall in between the two gender binary. Maybe you don't view it as a third gender, but gender really is more of a spectrum in some ways. Most people tend to fall on one end or the other, even if they don't ascribe to gender norms. For example, my GF is quite butch, and people sometimes mistake her for a guy, but she very much identifies as a girl. However, not everyone so easily identifies with one gender, or is born with clearly binary genitals (or chromosomes), and to deny that those people exist, or to suggest that their gender identity is invalid is patently transphobic. Please tread lightly with this, as we are a trans-inclusive site, and that includes people who identify as neither male nor female. We do have members who have discussed feeling like they were born in a body that doesn't match who they are, but they also don't necessarily feel like they should have male "parts," either. We have members who have transitioned from male to female as well. I realize that this is a discussion forum and a debate-worthy topic, but I will advise you to be careful about expressing exclusionary perspectives here. You can read about our policy on transphobia in our site rules in How Our Forum Works.
  20. Welcome! This is a support site and not a dating site, but there are a lot of threads about how to find women. Many members are in your same situation, so we understand the struggle. Please check out the site rules in How Our Forum Works.
  21. Welcome, Nita! I will say it was a surprise to me, too, that straight women don’t do this. I mean, hello, women are mega sexy!! I always thought I just “admired” certain women. Who knew I’d actually been having crushes all this time! You’ll find many women here who can relate. This is a great place for support. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts.
  22. Welcome to the site! This is a wonderful support forum. Please be sure to check out How Our Forum Works for the site rules and other helpful posts. Then dive into the forums, which is where the action is!
  23. Ultimately, it's a question only you can answer for yourself. I think most of us (in the general population) are somewhere along the bi spectrum, even if closer to one end or the other. Rarely do we lie right in the middle. I identify as gay, but I spent years dating men, and married to one. I would imagine sex with a woman while with a man in order to get off (in my head, it was a threesome). But with a woman, I never have to imagine anyone but the person I'm with. I knew when I was married that if/WHEN I left, it would be women only moving forward. I had no desire other men, but I longed for a woman. Being with a woman is so much more gratifying for me, and it just feels right. My attraction to women is SO different from my attraction to men. I still might find a guy attractive, but even if I was single, I wouldn't want to DO anything about it. The more I look back on growing up, the more signs I realize I missed along the way. But I grew up in a small conservative town in a Christian family where that wasn't even a possibility in my head. It wasn't until I got out and had a friend who was bi that it even dawned on me that I might have a sexual/romantic interest in women (not for my friend, but in general). I'd always felt like ANY attraction to men meant you were straight. I just "admired" certain women. Boy was I wrong!
  24. Try not to let yourself get too down about it. It will happen in time. Any progress on moving to a new area? Going on a year now since I met my girl online. You never know!
  25. Welcome to the site! If you haven’t already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works for the site rules and other helpful posts. If you have a desire to be with women AND men, it sounds like you’re probably bisexual. But ultimately, it’s something you can only answer for yourself. Would your boyfriend be open to you experimenting to figure this stuff out? Does he know you’re having these thoughts?