Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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About Yogagirl34

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  • Birthday 05/25/1972

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  • Music
    I LOVE tastes run the gamut from the Beatles to Stones to blues
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    yoga, being outdoors as much as possible, hiking, Zumba dance, exercise, wine tasting (love red wine), cooking/foodie (especially healthy, fresh non-GMO, organic food!), reading and writing poetry, movies/film (especially documentaries), theatre, travelling --always ready for new adventured
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    lavender and tropical, fruity scents
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    The Great Gatsby
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    Mad Men
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  1. Emerald, I would like to share my experiences with you to hopefully educate you and other married women and share my perspective as the third party as a single woman. First, I complety understand that this is all new to you and is confusing and exciting but when you bring another woman into the mix, whether it is just you being with the woman and/or if your husband is involved, it is important that everyone, including the other woman, is on the same page so no one gets hurt. I do not mean to sound harsh but I just ended contact with a married woman. I am single and I was her first sexual experience. She led me on about her feelings for me and she was desperate to have sex with a woman. Your story sounds very similar to her story--admitting to her husband she was bisexual, her husband picking out both men and women (they led a poly lifestyle and she also slept with men), etc. I am sure you would not intentionally hurt anyone, but I highly suggest that you either seek out another married woman or if you do connect with single women, be very clear about your intentions. If it is just a one time sexual, physical experimentation with her, be very honest and direct with her, and make sure the boundaries are very clear before you meet. Also, please take your time to get to know the woman as a person. Even if it is just for sex, be respectful and take her feelings into consideration too. There is a thread in the Singles Ladies section that details my experiences. It was a very hurtful situation and she used me. She was desperate to have sex with a woman for the first time and sadly, I knew her for a long time and thought I could trust her. I am sharing my experiences to help make married bicurious women aware of the other side of the story. I know it is both a confusing and exciting time but to put it bluntly, the other woman who is involved is not just playing the supporting role/object of desire in your ideal first time female fantasy. Not to say there aren't women out there who do not mind playing that role, but "the other women," especially single women, are the ones who usually get kicked to the curb after the married woman gets her first time kicks. Or that has been my experience and I know other women on Shy have felt used and disrespected after getting involved with married women. I have learned my lessons and am proceeding with caution in the future. I am sure you are a very nice person and do not mean any disrespect to you or your husband, but being with a woman sexually goes far beyond just the fantasy. It can get complicated and messy. Also, make sure that the woman you meet, especially if you are looking online, is not a hot, crazy mess. I do not mean to sound negative or to discourage you from being intimate with a woman, but I think many curious women who fantasize about an ideal first time situation with a woman, especially married women, are so eager to experience the fantasy that they do not always carefully take into consideration the other woman's feelings and how she fits into the bigger picture.
  2. I can relate in many ways to your story. I just cut off contact with a married woman who led me on emotionally and played head games with me. It is not fun and it hurts when it feels like the other person used you for selfish reasons and not cool that she toyed with your emotions. The best advice I can offer is to cut off immediate contact and block her number, email address etc. Making a clean break was the healthiest choice I could make. You deserve to be happy and to be with someone who will treat you with respect and kindness. Hang in there and remember you are not alone! Sending virtual hugs!
  3. Love this topic!! Yoga is all about mindfulness and being fully aware and present in the moment so this makes perfect sense to me. My orgasms are very strong, especially after feeling relaxed and very present/grounded after my yoga class or a deep meditation practice. As humans, our egos quickly disconnect us and distract us from the present moment.. When we are mindful and fully in the moment, it is far easier to really go deeper, really tune in and feel our body, energy vibrations, sensations, and emotions.
  4. So true @BiTriMama
  5. I am not a big fan of labels or putting people into boxes either. Try not to let their comments bother you. A gay male friend told me once, oh lesbians would love you. No idea what that meant but I am attracted to the person. The crazy train has left the building ha! Just going to live my life and have fun!.
  6. Good luck. Not to sound like a downer but I have encountered men on some of those sites posing as women so please be careful. I told a few of these men who wrote me thatvthey were idiots ha!--women are not stupid and they gave themselves away fairly easily. Luckily, the few dates I had were with actual women but people can be weird and predatory/stalkerish on dating sites so please be safe and cautious.
  7. I feel like sending this to the married woman I just ended confact with. She could stand to read and memorize your very wise and practical advice,. Great tips @DIYQueen
  8. You're welcome. Just listen to your gut and do what feels comfy for you. I have had my own ups and downs with women but after this last situation, I am getting very clear now about what I want and do not want.
  9. That is another good point you bring up--about jealousy. It was not so much her husband, but the fact she was having sex with other men. I told her it bothered me and right there was the huge red flag and was not comfortable. I am all for women exploring their sexuality and I am a very open-minded person, and no judgement at all but it does not appeal to me and am not involved in the poly, open lifestyle so it was difficult for me to understand why she wanted other male sex partners, besides her husband. Not to make excuses, and I am totally owning up to my bad decisions with her, but I felt a connection with her and took a chance because she told me she had feelings for me. But I honestly think she just told me what she thought I wanted to hear. She is very insecure, very overweight, not in good health (on all levels), and not to toot my own horn, but I am very self-confident, am in good shape and take care of myself both physically and mentally. She was an energy vampire and I think I was a big ego boost for her. But what does that say about me? I am not a desperate person but I really settled and I deserve a lot more.
  10. Absolutely, Katy. As I prefaced before, this is not a slam on all married women. Also, as I mentioned to HeartChakra this went far beyond her marital status. It all comes down to trust, open communication, honesty, and maturity. I also do not want my past experiences to sour potential new friendships and will be proceeding with more caution in the future. When emotions are involved, it can be tough.
  11. I appreciate everyone's feedback so your question is not rude. I have had issues with single women too. I was very hesitant and she knew that from the beginning, and to be perfectly honest, I did not listen to my gut instinct and this also went far beyond just her marital status. She had major mental health issues and was very emotionally immature with poor/stunted interpersonal and communication skills. I actually think she may be borderline Aspbergers. I have two sisters with special needs so I am very familar with behaviors and signs pointing to the autistic spectrum..but that is another topic altogether. I do not want to throw all married women under the bus and each person and situation are different. I am still learning as I go. I have not had tons of experience with women and have not seriously dated a woman either.
  12. I just want to find chemistry with a sane, mature woman who is not a crazy train wreck? Is that soooo wrong?!!!! Ha!
  13. I am not married but wanted to weigh in from the single perspective and someone who just ended a wishy washy situation with a married woman and I was her first time. It is extremely hurtful and completely unfair to lead someone on emotionally. I have a thread in the Singles thread that details what happened. No matter if you are married, single, FWB, curious, etc. just be honest with her and do not use the other person for your own sexual experimentation. And please, please, to the married and committed women out there, check yourself before you wreck yourself and your marriage. If you tell your partner you plan to be intimate with a woman, you all need to be on the same page. It can be very confusing and even after being sexually intimate with women, I still am learning as I go. Even if you aren't sure of your feelings, it really helps to share emotions and communicate with each other.. Set boundaries and be explicitly clear as to what you both want or do not want, and if you are not on the same page, as others mentioned, someone gets hurt in the end. I know my advice may come across as harsh, but no one deserves to be treated as an afterthought or fed paltry emotional crumbs. After being on the receiving end (and have been with a few married women) I speak from first-hand experience. Be direct and talk it all out out before you are sexual with each other.
  14. I had an abdominal hysterectomy 4 years ago due to large fibroids and BiTriMama is right on target with her advice. Luckily, my ovaries were fine. However, after my hysterectomy surgery I jumped into perimenopause and I have been on HRT for the past few years. My OBGYN thinks it is just my age (in my 40s) and not related to my hysterectomy. Although, I tend to disagree and still think taking out my uterus wacked out my hormones and body in general and kickstarted my bad hot flashes, crashing fatigue, etc. I have been through hell and back with my hormones and even saw an endocrinologist to rule out thyroid and adrenal issues but luckily no problems there. The HRT really helps especially with moods and hot flashes. Yes, you definitely want to keep your ovaries for the very reasons TriMama described above. I have a friend who had one ovary removed and she seems to be doing fine with her hormones. Despite the fact that my ovaries are being ornery, my OBGYN said it is far better to have ovaries that are still producing some estrogen as opposed to having no ovaries at all. If you have any questions, please let me know. I went through a lot emotionally and physically, and went to a therapist after my hysterectomy because I got really depressed and while I never had a burning desire to have kids, it was really tough to deal with the fact that I would never be able to have kids or even have that choice to even get pregnant. Even if you have kids, some women still go through a grieving period. I am just getting back to feeling healthy and happy in the past few years. I worked with a health coach, lost 30 lbs last year and am in good shape. But having a hysterectomy gave me such a better quality of life free from pain and no more periods!
  15. I absolutely agree. Even though I have always been a sexual person and had a lot of fun with ex BFs in my college days /20s and my 30s, I felt more confident in my own skin, especially my body image and self-esteem, in my 40s. I am dealing with fluctuating hormones but I also feel more in tune with my sexual energy and my body. Yoga and dance also help too.