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Found 31 results

  1. Today 3:29 PM Hi there! I'm new here, realized I was fluid when a new friend shared her attraction to me about 18 months ago. I've always been checking out women's bodies, just didn't know I was fluid. Tried to share with my husband but he freaked. Meantime, I fell deeply in love with this amazing, beautiful friend. His freak out put an end to any convo. Not due what to do, but I want her in my life. So I'm here to learn about other journeys, especially telling husbands and having that special woman in my life.
  2. Hi guys! So, a few weeks ago, I kinda accidentally came out to my mom. I'd been agonizing over whether I should tell my parents about my bisexuality, and a part of me was like, "It's really none of their business, why should I bother?" while the OTHER part was thinking, "If I don't talk to someone other than my friends about the way I'm feeling, I just might explode." I wasn't intending on telling my mom about this just yet, until I made an off-hand lesbian joke, and she basically went, "lol, are you trying to tell me something?" And when I didn't answer and just awkwardly laughed, she kinda suspected. So we had an awkward, five minute ""conversation"" about it, in which she basically told me that I was "still figuring myself out," and implied that she really didn't believe me when I said I felt some attraction to girls. That was where it ended, and it's been weeks since we talked about it again. I'm not sure if she mentioned it to my dad, but I doubt he knows anything. Should I try to bring this up again, or should I just let it go at this point? A part of me wants to try and breach the subject again, because I feel like I didn't "properly" come out to my mom, and didn't ever mention it to my dad. Should I like, sit them down or something and have a real discussion about it? Or should I just not bother? Anyone have any advice to help a teenage girl out here?
  3. I had a very interesting convo with my husband this morning and I'd like to share what he thinks that we should do after telling our husbands our desire to be in a relationship with woman or even just to explore. He said, "the wife has to check how his husband is coping about her sexuality and her want to explore this part of her. It's not just telling him what she wants and leave him to deal with it. She has to help him to cope with it through constant communication (like what we're doing). She has to make sure that there are no miscommunication. It's not easy for me, but I also need help from my wife to reassure me. There's no certainty but at least I am not left alone to deal with it." We all have different husbands and your husband may not be as open-minded as mine. However, I thought it'd be useful for anyone to have an idea knowing my husband's point of view based in his own experience.
  4. This started as a comment on someone's post but I feel like it's a big enough a Bi Thing to be worth a blog post! One of the things people say to us when we come out is "oh, you're just going through a phase". And it's a silencing thing, to get us to shut up about something they maybe don't like hearing or discussing. Or something they say just because it's the only thing they know as received wisdom about being bisexual and they haven't thought it through any further. Either way it's like being patted on the head and told to shush our silly little heads. Now, one of the things we used to say and write on placards when I was first out and involved with my local bi youth group was "it's not a phase!" Only I have to admit: sometimes it is. I've known people who for instance when I first met them were lesbians, had a time of identifying as bi, but these days if you asked them they'd most likely say they were straight. Other mixtures other ways round - straight to bi to straight again, bi to lesbian to bi again, or all round the houses like the slow bus that stops everywhere in a loop round your town. I was comparing life stories with a trans friend the other day about how they'd collected the full set of calling themself gay, bi and straight in two genders. Pokemon sexuality! The thing is though: people who are bisexual for the whole of their lives are bisexual for the whole of their lives. People who are bisexual for only part of their lives are bisexual for that part of their life. And if you're "only" bi for months or years or decades, where your head and heart are at that time are totally real. Those crushes? Real crushes. Those kisses? Real kisses. Those orgasms? Ho yus, And how. Ahem. Where was I? Dismissing it as "just a phase"? Well, being a teenager is a phase but it doesn't stop you being a mardy git for a few years. Being pregnant is a phase - a year from now you won't be! - but a plan of just ignoring it and pretending it's not really happening isn't a good idea. Some of us are bi the whole of our lives, for some people it's a phase - yet if it's a phase so is whatever comes before and whatever comes after and no-one dismisses those as "just phases". "It's just a phase"? "Well, maybe it will turn out to be a phase, but it's the truth about who and where I am right now."
  5. The past week has been rough. Yesterday was the 3 month anniversary of my husband's death, my mind has been everywhere, I had a dream that really shook me, and I've felt exceptionally alone. One of my husband's long time best friends, N, (who he dated in Junior high before she realized she was a lesbian.. She also works for my mom now) has been checking up on me every few days, and i had a really good,much needed talk with her about everything on my mind. Talking with her has pretty much kept me sane the past few days, she knew my husband for most of his life and she's completely non-judgemental. I told her about our situation with my girl and her husband, and how my husband's death has affected us, emotionally and sexually. I told her pretty much everything actually. She mentioned that my mom and sister wondered about my girl, considering she was so attached to me throughout the arrangements and the physical lack of distance between us, holding hands, arms frequently around each other, etc. My family is very Republican, religious, etc. Having a lesbian employee who pushes every boundary they have has helped open them up and become more accepting and question why they have certain values imposed by the church rather than thinking for themselves. I'm still uncomfortable with my parents knowing I'm bisexual and that my husband and I weren't monogamous. Though I'm thinking they may be onto me after N told me they'd mentioned something about my girl. Fantastic. N casually mentioned my (previously) teetotaling dad likes whiskey, which blew my mind. I texted my sister for verification and she confirmed that my parents now drink every so often (doesn't sound like a big deal unless you're familiar with the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, even a drop of alcohol is of the devil). I said "all those years of hiding liquor and wine bottles when we knew they were dropping by, now this?" Sister said "they knew you drank, Ambrosia. They know you smoke too. They don't care, all they care about is you being happy and healthy. I feel like i can tell them anything" i told her i knew they know now that i smoke and drink, and i feel like i can tell them most things but not all. She asked me what sort of things? Not pills/hard drugs or anything, right? I told her definitely not, i barely take aspirin let alone pills or hard drugs. So, i told her I'm not straight. And H and I weren't monogamous. She asked, "are you and (my girl, she's G from now on) a thing?" I told her we used to be. She asked what happened, and i told her H died and the remaining three of us didn't know if or how we should proceed. She said "So you like dudes and girls?" So i told her the entire situation, our dynamic before he died, the bits of the night he died that I've always omitted because i didn't want to admit to anyone that we were in something deeper than just two couples hanging out. She took it much differently than i expected. She didn't treat me like I was a freak. She told me how sorry she was that I lost both H and my sexual relationship with G through all of this, empathized with me on how hard it must be to be dealing with such a complicated and heartbreaking situation while also living with G and her husband. She asked questions, what my relationship is like with G's husband (dear friends who don't sexually engage directly but aren't afraid of being naked in front of each other and love the same woman in different ways), if we ever traded opposite-sex partners (we didn't), if H ever slept with other women (we looked, but never found one), if I think the 3 of us will continue (we've discussed the possibility). I feel lighter. Accepted. Honest. I also admitted I've been casually hooking up with M, simply because my sex drive has been out of this world. She didn't judge me for that either. She listened and made me feel validated as i explained to her all of my feelings on the situation and how fucked up it is being 30 and diving into the single world for the first time in my adult life, especially since I'm on the opposite side of a deep, meaningful relationship that ended in death and have no interest in finding another, unlike a lot of singles who are hooking up with the intent of finding a partner. She validated my lack of desire to be with anyone romantically ever again, and assured me that i could be fulfilled without romance as long as I have meaningful friendships (which i have so many). Most people don't do that when i tell them I don't ever want a serious relationship again. They tell me I'll change my mind, I'll meet someone, the right person will come along despite my being adamant that I'm just not interested in coupling up and settling down again. I appreciated her willingness to listen to my wishes and not try to convince me otherwise. Today has been cathartic, after a super difficult and emotional week.
  6. Seriously, I'm so giddy and into this newfound part of me that I want to tell everyone, even though I know I really don't. It hasn't even been 3 weeks, so I'm in the butterflies in the stomach, order all the books, unicorn pins and bi colors stickers, rah rah stage, at least internally. It is not necessary or wise for me to come out widely. My life isn't being rearranged, just my person ( no big whoop). Can you give me your wisdom and experiences? Gracias.
  7. I found this story and video about a girl coming out as bi. Cute, encouraging and maybe a little over the top? https://www.google.co.za/amp/mashable.com/2017/11/28/elle-mills-coming-out.amp
  8. okay. So I have been reading many posts and a lot of them are super honest. So I guess I should be honest too: 1. I feel guilty about wanting to explore my bisexuality. When I was in college I had sex with a few women. Most of those women were bi-curious and said that they felt comfortable exploring with me, but expressed that they did not want anything more than just a sexual experience. Any time I tried to talk to a lesbian it was as if they sensed that I wasn't "fully" committed to women and I was overlooked (BUT it could also be that they just weren't interested in me which is totally fine too; totally not blaming anyone just saying how I felt). In grad school had a chance to date a woman, but I got super shy and let her go because I just couldn't believe that it was happening (total self sabotage). 2. I am at a cross roads. My life is in one hand is totally awesome and carefree ( surrounded by family I love, paid enough to pay bills and have adventures, a caring partner), but on the other hand I am totally in limbo (sent out law school applications and waiting to see if I am accepted anywhere, my partner and I are in the midst of breaking up even though he is SUPER caring). So my life is in limbo and I decided that exploring my bisexuality would be the best thing to do. But because of the break up I am feeling hella anxious; mainly because we were engaged and set up to get married and now we are not. So, I was trying to formulate this plan in my head of traditional marriage, but since this break up thing is happening I feel as if my expectations have been shattered. I never really wanted the marriage. I was doing it because he really wanted it. What I did like, though, was the stability of the relationship. However whenever I brought up bisexuality he was very opening to hearing about it, but he made it clear that he doesn't like to "share". So, this was a big deciding factor in my life too. But because no one in my family knows about this or really any of my friends, it is hard to feel as if it is okay to not be okay with never being intimate with a woman again. Does that make sense? 3. what is coming out for bisexuality anyway? I tell my sister and her kids all the time that love can come from men or women. I think she gets the idea that I like both men and women, but I have never officially stated it. So overall, the guilt I feel is also intertwined with self doubt. I am scared to leave this caring partner because what does the world outside of this almost future relationship look like? Is exploring this side of me worth it? Is it one of those blind faith things? My other worry is that if I don't explore it I will continue to just get older and I will end up regretting it because I really don't want to live a life where I am not intimate with a woman on some level. My question is if you have ever felt guilty for having these feelings? It may be because I am "in" my 30's now, but between the unknowns of furthering my education, my relationship with this dude, and how my bisexuality effects my romantic choices, I feel like a ball of crazy.
  9. So in my creative writing club I kind of came out to two of my club members, because I said that one of my characters in my novel is coming out, so basically the way I came out was that I asked them "do I write the character story through my experience coming out to some of the people in my lives? or do I do it from someone else? because my situation is different than most people living in the west" and so they asked me how different is it and I replied that for me I don't have much experience being around people and yet I still have these feelings. I didn't go into much detail because there were other people around and we were running out of time, but anyways they told me that it's a good idea to involve some part of my journey into the character, but I also have to listen to others as well. Anyways it turns out the two people that I spoke to our actually LGBT+ members as well and for some weird reason knowing that made me feel regret because I still don't know if my feelings are true and I do remember telling them this but I'm not sure if they heard me, not about the regret part, and I don't understand why I feel this way because at the same time so feel happy that did I this.
  10. So, I wasn't aware that yesterday was National Coming Out day until part way through. My dh sent me a text saying "It's National Coming Out Day...no pressure." Well, I actually got to come out to my two brothers weekend before last, kind of unexpectedly. My youngest brother came out to us as gender fluid and told us that he has been experimenting with cross dressing and went to Pride in drag. It was such a brave thing for him to share with us, and I felt compelled to open up as well. It was beautiful. Yesterday, I decided to come out to a small group of women that I'm close with online through a parenting forum. That was really good, and there was lots of support and me too'ing. Anyway, I'm so distracted today with thoughts of coming out more widely and what that would mean for people's perceptions of me, my husband, etc. Especially in our church community. I have some wonderful friends that I can process this with irl, thankfully, but there are others I'm more worried about being real with. I'm also super distracted with thoughts about the woman I've been crushing on for 10 months. She's married and lives a couple of states away, so I have no idea if it could ever go anywhere, but I still think about being honest with her about my feelings for her, whether they are reciprocated or not. Anyone else come out to anyone yesterday? Anyone have any thoughts about baring feelings to a crush?
  11. I fall between being bisexual/demisexual/sapio. When I was 19 I came out to one of my closest friends but never felt the need/urge to come out to anyone else. Growing up I thought I just admired other women in a girl crush kind of way and didn't get sexual urges when I kissed my girl friends, like I did with guys. It was only until my late teens when I actually recognised how much I liked this girl at my college - even one of the guys in my class noticed I did and playfully pointed it out. I liked another girl in my class too but we were friends. I still didn't quite understand my sexuality like I do now. I don't really discuss who I like with my friends/family. I only really discuss briefly whether I've had a date but ive always been a private person in that retrospect. I actually find having to tell people who I'm dating and why rather exhausting. Hetero people can date the opposite sex and not have to be questioned about it beyond who the person is and what they do. Where as for an LGBTQ+ person it's like we have to prepare for a Ted talk and Q&A... "is the other person gay or bi" "why have you hidden this from me" "so are you gay now" etc. I just want to be like Illana from Broad City. Unapologetically dating whoever she wants and not having any questions asked. Just being her!
  12. Hey Ya'll Ok, so I've been struggling with accepting this. I imagine that what I have to say isn't unique but I definitely need some help. I'm from SF, I'm active in church, 22, musician....and I'm bi, there I said it. No surprises here considering I'm on shybi. I just wanted to get suggestions, advice, tips, a little tlc because I'm new to all of this. I sort of separated my questions so you can respond to what you wish. Acceptance/Coming out So far I've only come out to 3 of my friends whom all identify as either straight or questioning asexuals. All 3 of them were so cool about it and don't treat me any differently, it's so refreshing. I'd like to come out to my family but as much as I know they love me, I know even my attraction with no action would be wrong to them. They'd see me as a completely different person and I don't know if I can handle that. Advice for Christian bi's growing up in Christian families? I have a group of friends who are a mixed bunch in race, sexuality, gender and I know they wouldn't care much. I'm afraid that my reputation as a Christian would now somehow be tainted by the fact that I'm attracted to more than just men. The thought terrifies me of overwhelming rejection, I've seen every gay, or lesbian family member be in one way or another ostracized or made fun of. I literally just want to be the same me and date whomever I'm attracted to. Why the heck is that so wrong? Dating: Ok, now for the good stuff lol. I've never dated, I'm a virgin, never even had my first kiss. I'm talking to a really awesome person on okcupid and have been getting a lot of mutual likes from other women as well. More for what I can say in real life (or I'm just oblivious?) I really want to ask this girl out but one, I'm terrified. So, help? My fears and concerns are this; What if I'm outed by someone that I know while on a date, is it fair to the other person to date them when you're not completely out, what if there's no physical attraction upon meeting each other (ahhh), what if she's turned off by my inexperience, what are some good first date ideas, what are some good rules of thumb for dating women, how do you know if a girl is into you? First kiss tips? These are all questions that I'd ask my siblings, since they don't know about this shybi part of me, well I guess ya'll are my tentative shybi siblings. So please teach me your ways lol. That's all for now, lol send help, Baby bi signing out -UnicornKween
  13. Ladies for those who havent read my first couple of posts, I'm about to get married and my dilemma was to tell or not to tell my future husband I'm bisexual. Only a close friend knows the real me but after listening to some wise words on here and I want to be honest, I am going to tell my partner who I really am and have been for over 30yrs. I'm now trying to find the right moment, I know there never is one, but I feel now that I want to scream it out loud. This is having only told my friend a few months ago and kept it all to myself for most of my life. I never thought i would ever get to this point! Did anyone else feel like this? I'm sure you did, I just need someone to tell me, some confirmation. Thank you Ladies x
  14. *Side note: This entry is old but new information is placed at the bottom. Please read! It's good!* I'm feeling quite vulnerable and exposed because I just watched this TED talk that called me out on my bullshit. Lol! I'm so glad that Confused1203 posted this in a thread: Coming out of your closet. I never realized that I was holding a metaphorical grenade (if you watch the video, you'll understand). So many times I've tried to explain myself away to people who really didn't deserve or need to hear an explanation on why I live the way I choose to live. I need to start living and stop worrying about what others think. Yes, it is easier said than done, but if I don't put in effort, I'll still stay cramped in the closet. Yes I'm out to almost all of the important people in my life, but not everyone. I really want to be out as an Agnostic with ALL my family members. I'm out at work...or at least I think I am. I won't be ashamed if someone asks me, "Hey, are you Christian?" because everyone assumes that we're all Christian. I was, but I've long since changed my religious views to Agnosticism. Sometimes it goes into Atheism, but then I actually have done enough research to conclude that I am indeed not an Atheist. There is nothing wrong with Atheism either. I just know I'm not. It's one of those things where I don't announce it, but it just comes out when we're on topics that require the response that I'm Agnostic. When I do comment on the fact that I don't believe as they've assumed I believe, it opens up how they really feel about me. There is a woman at work that I really feel she has no idea I'm Agnostic and she tends to say things that I feel are quite interesting and to the point where I think she doesn't want to believe that I'm not Christian. It probably has to do with how I tell her I'm meditating in my room across from her and she hesitates right after with her words on whatever topic she wanted to continue on with next, but I won't be afraid of disclosing that with her. I just don't feel it necessary to just bust down the door and scream at the top of my lungs that I'm Agnostic. It was difficult to tell my mother. She felt like she'd done me wrong as a parent. I immediately told her that it wasn't true. When I assured my mother that this was completely my decision, she finally calmed down. That was the first closet I came out of and you know, if the question arose in my family of my religious point of view, I will proudly state that I'm an Agnostic. The only thing I've done wrong was not be true to myself and essentially hide my true self. That is the only crime I've committed. *Update as of 4/30/2016* I've come out another closet with my close friend since college who I respect and value. I totally misjudged her and she turned out to be ok with me as a Bisexual and as polyamorus. I was so relieved that as we parted after our luncheon, I went straight to the cafe down the street to tell you ladies this stuff! I wrote it on another blog. I'm just so happy that I could figuratively run down the street butt naked screaming "I'm free!!" He he he! This was a pretty big grenade that I was holding and it turned out that I didn't need to make a big deal out of it. When she told me that she would love me no matter what, I was so happy. I truly got closer to my friend I'd known for years. I really love her and respect her more now than I ever have. Even though we have different religious views and thoughts on things, and even though she's conservative, and I'm a bit more liberal, she and I are still best friends. I swear. I am so glad we met! So setting off grenades is a good thing! Lol! I swear, you need to watch this video. I cried because it hit home. I feel so much better and more evolved as a human being than I've ever felt before. Namaste, Bella
  15. Has anyone had experiences where friends act differently (i.e. territorial, angry, negative, or selfish) after coming out. Things progressed so quickly (and wonderfully) with me and my new and first partner that we are now a couple (both of us are divorced now). Since discovering my partner and I loved each other, we decided to start disclosing to our closest female friends (no family yet). My partner has more friends that she confides in about her personal life (especially about sex) than I do, which is cool. The thing that I am finding kind of weird is that each of our friends have responded in different ways to us coming out and lifestyle changes we decided to make (i.e. divorces). Some have been happy and supportive, and some have been........... very selfish to say the least since we decided to come out and express our love for one another. I have had my best friend basically impose her religious views (I am agnostic at this stage of life) as well as imposed "limitations" for what she can tolerate in the way of my partner and I expressing affection (which really pissed me off) when she is around us, which so far has only been once. While I understand many people are homophobic or not used to being around same sex couples....................it bothers me that some women claim they want their friends to be happy, yet they prevent them from doing so fully due to their own selfishness, I feel like our friendship is very valuable (been friends for 15+ years), but when friends begin to infringe upon other areas of my happiness (i.e sexual/intimate relationships) they are unable or incapable of fulfilling..............it's a problem in my eyes. These friends have crossed a line! Currently, we all (me, my partner, and some of our friends) can't be together...........can't show affection..............can't travel together....................can't go off and spend time alone with my partner because some of our friends get mad that they've been left alone..............can't talk or text my partner because we are seen as being unavailable- time going to another woman is a problem. If it was a guy......I don't believe I would have the same issue. Privacy, consideration, respect, and welcome would come with the new guy. WTF???????????? Is it a cultural thing? Idk Have any of you had issues with friends being negative about you coming out as bi-or lesbian after being? What did you do about it? Were you forced to choose between your friend and your lover/partner? Did you accommodate the friends' shenanigans, or did you put her in her place? Thanks in advance for your suggestions and stories............... trying to grasp why is it different
  16. Coming out later in life to older parents? Those of you who have come out later in life did you decide to come out to your parents or not? Just curious. I am out to everyone except family and don't know if I'll ever tell them.
  17. It all started several months ago when my kids started to ask it my best friend was my wife. They are pre-teens so they are smart-honor students actually so really smart! We get together often and my husband gets jealous. That is what started it. Today my daughter asked me why the paintings I do are always of women? I told her I think women are beautiful. She said "Why are they always naked?" I corrected her, "Only some are naked" and she responded with a "Oh Why?" This is a very inquisitive girl grilling me you see. I responded with the truth "Women in their natural state are incredibly beautiful and I adore painting them." She was satisfied with that and walked off. I have wanted to tell my kids that I am bisexual so many times but stiffed myself to save my marriage. My husband would not respond positively if I told him I wanted to love a woman. P.S. I am in love with her. My friend-she doesn't know yet but when I am with her it is getting harder to not tell her.
  18. Hello, I'm new here and just wanted to speak to some like minded people about sexuality, love etc. I've recently had this epiphany that I'm bisexual and although I know my parents will be absolutely accepting, I feel like the reason I'm not coming out yet is that I'm having trouble accepting it myself, even though I have some friends that are gay/bi and I love them all the same. I also had my heartbroken last year, so despite the fact that I'm in a better place mentally than I once was, I still have a couple of self-esteem issues which I'm working on. Since my late teens, I've been very selective about the men I date. I've not had sex in years and I'm in my mid-twenties right now. Part of the reason is that I wasn't dating for a while and when I did, I was really picky and would turn down going all the way. Generally, because there was no strong emotional connection. and because I like to think I'm rather intuitive. I also seem to be picky about women too. Obviously, personality means the most when it comes to both sexes but physically I seem to prefer very masculine men and then artsy feminine women.
  19. Hello everyone! It’s nice to meet everyone. Like the title says, I’m new here, but I’m not new to being attracted to women- I have known this pretty much my whole life. I never acted on it, at first because my family would not approve. And then because I’m awkward and wasn’t too sure women would be okay with this “I have no experience whatsoever,” vibe I’ve got going. I am in a committed relationship and we’re very much in love- I feel fortunate that I was able to share this with him. He knows I’m here, and that this is a space where I can talk about it. His only request was that I didn’t sign up for a dating app/website without talking to him- I think that’s fair. I’ve got quite a bit of learning to do, and we’re not in a hurry to decide what, if anything, we want to do. Thanks for listening! See ya’ll around. (There goes any hope of hiding my location LMAO)
  20. Part of my journey of self-acceptance has been realizing some feelings that I've kept suppressed for years. I was thinking about my college days, and I was hit with a moment of clarity: I was in love with my best friend in college and I only realized and accepted this recently! (Like, 10 years later)... It makes so much sense now. I kind of feel like telling her this but I'm afraid it will be weird and awkward. We've kind of drifted apart and went our separate ways since college, she's halfway around the world and I am married. Oh, and I would have to come out to her, obviously (I'm not OUT, just out to my spouse). She is an LGBTQ ally and activist, so I don't think I have to worry about a homophobic reaction. Just maybe a "why are you telling me this now" reaction. Have you ever confessed to a former crush?
  21. Hi, new here and felt like this might be a place to reach out for some answers. Within the last few months I've accepted I'm bisexual. That sounds weird considering it's not something I've fought or have felt like I've needed to suppress. I don't know why I'm scared to admit it to my friends or family though. There isn't a single person I can think of that would think anything different of me (I actually think my bf's reaction would be along the lines of, "yea and...") but just the thought of saying it out loud makes my heart race. I feel like I'm still unsure even though it just makes sense. I have hooked up a girl and kissed a few but I'm just kind of a sexual person who likes experimenting. Since I never wanted to date a girl or had real feelings or anything, I just assumed it was all in good fun. Now, I'm open to a relationship with a girl. When it comes to actually having a relationship with a person, I've always said the personality is the biggest factor. It's how we get along and interact, and the sex, that's important duh! It's not like I met someone who changed my mind on this, I've just been doing a lot of self reflection and this has been something on my mind constantly over the last year or so not to mention fantasizing about being with a woman has become so much more satisfying than thinking of my usual Chris Pratt I guess I'm just kind of seeking advice, guidance, reassurance. Very appreciative of your time and input.
  22. I came out on Facebook today to all my friends (hid family): On the last day of Pride Month I would like my friends to know, I am Bi as can be and it has always been so. I hid it away until just last year when my obsession with Holtzmann made it undeniably clear. To some of you this is big news, and to others there have always been clues. I want to thank those who will stand by me no matter what, and those who will not, don't let the door hit your butt.
  23. There are days where you just need to vent a little, This evening is one of those times for me. I was with my children's father for 15 years and married to him for almost 10. The first time I ever kissed a girl I was around 19 and it was a friend when we were drinking (as I'm sure is the story for a lot of people). It awakened something in me that I think was laying dormant in my mind since I was a little girl. Maybe I wasn't completely straight.. Thus began my journey of discovery. I'd only then (and still now) been in straight relationships living my life as a cis/straight female. I had 2 children, got married, had fantasies that recurred with primarily women. I had long talks with my husband about it. We eventually explored that side of my identity on two very drunken nights with two separate friends that he and I trusted greatly. And while I had no sexual attraction toward these two women (it was too awkward and we were too close of friends so the chemistry wasn't there for me), I found that it was not just some bicuriosity. I was (and AM) bisexual. Attracted to women more so than men. I never thought in a million years that I'd have an opportunity to really, truly explore that side of myself. Until last November when my marriage fell apart and we decided to get a divorce. Suddenly I was a single BI woman! And oddly enough it wasn't something that struck me one day. It was my 2 kids talking to each other. My daughter (13 at the time) said something about wondering what the next guy I'm with would be like. Without hesitating or skipping a beat my then 11 year old son says, "Why do you just assume it's going to be a guy? Mommy likes women just ass much! Maybe she'll date a girl next. You don't know and don't get to decide that for her!" WOW, just WOW! My mind was absolutely blown! For my children to be so accepting told me that I'd done something right in the way that I raised them. But it also brought something up for me that I hadn't considered till that point. What IF the next person I'm with is a woman? I felt my heart flutter. Finally I could explore a part of myself that had been laying in wait and dormant for far too many years. My closest friends, a couple siblings, and my mother knew (along with my children) that I am in fact bisexual. And now for the first time I really get to live that part of my identity out in the open. I updated my info on Facebook to being interested in men AND women. I joined multiple groups. And best of all, my children and I made signs and we walked together in my hometowns very first ever Pride March! I had finally come out to the rest of the world and it felt incredible. And then tonight happened. I was messaged by someone from one of those groups and after some very inappropriate comments, I discover that this person is a straight male who gets off on the idea of two lesbians. Initially he assumed I was straight like him. He started asking me if I like sucking. And after realizing I'm bi and after telling him point blank that right now I'm ONLY interested in women, he drops the bombshell. He isn't a member of that group as a "supporter" per se. Just as a pervert looking to get his kicks. What is with these trolls?
  24. I have been meaning to write a new blog for a while and update things a bit haha My life has changed in so many ways since I first found this site and most of it for the better. The most obvious reason being I found a girl and fell in love. I suppose I should start at the beginning. I am from a very small rural community that is conservative to the core. Not settling down and having babies is just not how things are done here. Struggling with feeling attractions to girls wasn't the norm. See I was rejected for years. Never got asked out. Never got hit on. Finally dated a few guys after high school and it wasn't much. It was then I met my first gf. I was so starved for affection and attention that it didn't matter what hell she put me through because it was better than the alternative. This went on for a couple years until something terrible happened to me (I do not wish to add details). It cost me my job/career, what social circle I had and nearly took my sanity. I was immediately put on antidepressants and a mild sedative. With what I'd experienced the doctors thought it best to protect me from myself that way. About 6 months later I made the choice to stop it. I was shell of myself and I hated it. For me feeling nothing at all was worse than feeling bad. Throughout this time my gf stayed with me but her behavior didn't change. It was only at that point I realized that it was a toxic relationship. That I was only hurting myself by holding onto someone like her. Someone who wanted to use me for money and stability but couldn't be bothered to be faithful or even say a kind word most days. So I ended it. After that I started to pull my life back together. A close friend of mine started to show a romantic interest. I knew she was bi and she knew about me. She listened and supported me. She helped me through difficult times and even dropped the L word. Turns out she only wanted me for my body. This all left me with a bad taste for relationships. At that point I wanted to be alone. I found a job and moved nearly 800 miles away. I worked hard and played harder. I did things just for myself. I went on a vacation for the first time in my life. I went skydiving and zip lining. I ran obstacle races and went dancing til the clubs shut down. And I did it all without a relationship. I found a sense of peace. I was starting to feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. Then there was the issue of my sexuality. Only my one brother (also bi as it turns out) knew about me. I was in a position where I could maybe explore my feelings and be a happier more open person. That's when I found shy's. Being able to read these forums and discuss topics that relate to so many things in my life was fantastic. It made me feel like I wasn't alone in how I dealt with my feelings. Then I met Rocky... I was in the chatroom. No different than any other time. Except this night she was there. She was witty and funny and a riot to talk to. I decided to take a peek at her profile and be her friend. I thought she was an absolutely gorgeous and wonderful woman. A delightful soul that I very much enjoyed being around and chatting with. One day she put up a post. She said she felt useless and miserable. I reached out in a pm. I'd stood in those shoes before and I knew it's a dreadful place to be. So we began to talk and we've never stopped. My reaching out blossomed into something incredible. I'd been single for years at this point and I wasn't looking for it but I found love. My dad's health had taken a turn and work was starting to dry up so I moved back home. That was almost 3 and a half years ago now. Since then my relationship with Rocky has grown. She has met most of my family and we have become engaged. To my family we were "friends" but It was during this past Christmas holiday while she was here that my mom decided to clear the air so to speak. She flat out asked if Rocky's family knew we were in an intimate relationship. It was an awkward discussion to say the least but now it's all out there. Most of my family know and are just fine with it. My one brother and dad are homophobic. At this point my my brother knows and had a meltdown when my mom accepted me without batting an eye. My dad does not nor do most friends and other family members. Being in such a small town makes it difficult but I prefer my private life to remain just that. Private. To end this I would like to thank whoever reads all this to get to this point. I know it is long winded. Throughout my journey I have had this safe space to express myself. A place where I don't have to hide who I am and who I love. This site is an amazing source of support and I truely hope that those who are looking for it can find it here as I have. T
  25. Hello Family, It's been a long time since I've been here. A lot has happened in my life. I met a beautiful woman (here), and since the first time we made love..........things have happened fast. Nothing that we initially decided upon in the relationship rules has stood. We had a friend/lover (aka friends with benefits) kind of relationship that changed pretty much within the first 30 days to something much more than we ever anticipated. We have changed so much, but I am happy to be in this place right now. It hasn't been without bumps, bruises, and some drama.............but we are still here. I noted a few things about my journey about going from being bi-curious to bi-sexual and married, to bi-sexual and in a committed relationship with a bi partner. Hopefully my "Mid-Life Kink" experiences will inspire others. . Life Changes I am in love with my partner, and we have come out to a few of our close associates. We both have divorced, at different times and for different reasons (she initiated hers, my husband initiated mines).........I have moved in the short-term to another state (our already long distance relationship is longer...but we are putting in the work to make it work for us). I cut my hair...........new life, new hairstyle. Transition Transitioning and being bi (having been heterosexual, married, and have adult kids) is kind of difficult. I feel strange, but free. Deciding who to tell about my new partner, when to tell, and how much to tell is something I've never had to worry about before. As a free-spirit, open-being...........I have a hard time trying to explain to people about who I am now because of the homophobic rhetoric and cultural issues. Evolution I am evolving each day. Learning about my new beautiful partner. Learning how to share my life with a woman. Learning how to love and be loved by a woman (which feels so good I must say). We have so many things in common. She is a great lover and friend. Loyal and dedicated. I feel blessed to have someone so kind, thoughtful and most importantly is keenly aware of what this woman needs. It is so much different from being with a man............or a bad partner. I feel as though I am evolving into who I should become at this stage in life. I am sad that I didn't learn this about myself until I turned 45 years old. No matter the age, it is never too late to learn, change, and evolve. I am planning to live my best life now..........with her. Navigation It's been a very long time since I've dated. Having to get to know a person (and be vulnerable so that my partner can learn me) is challenging at times. I (we) have rolled up our sleeves and committed to doing the work. Learning how to communicate with each other, reading body language, listening for tone changes..................it feel so natural. Again, not like having to guess what's on a man's mind, what did he mean by his actions, etc? It's night and day...........but still the newness of navigating "woman speak" is new and an adventure to say the least. I am glad I have a patient, respectful lover and partner who is as vested in us as I am. Imperfectly Perfect It means just what it says. We are two imperfect people, attempting to have an imperfect relationship.............and that's PERFECT! Imperfect bodies (middle-aged women will know what I mean), imperfect lives, imperfect characteristics. We are flawed. We know it, we appreciate it, and we respect these things about ourselves. We live day to day, and we don't place any undue expectations on each other or the relationship. We are able to live our lives, learn about each other, and cultivate the relationship. Stop looking for perfect, it does not exist. Perfect for you does............go find it. Sex The sex is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is AWESOME!!! We try new things, we sext, we have the some of the same "risque" desires which is so liberating. No boring...........conventional, missionary sex! We are spontaneous and we both like that. We are hitting on all cylinders in the sex department. I discovered her honey hole..............and I haven't looked back. Can't stop...............won't stop! Middle-aged sex is the best sex of my life! Friendships Since we have come out to some of our friends...........we have received mixed reviews. Some long time friends are happy..........understood how miserable we each were, and approve of our happiness. One or two of our friends (hers) are confused.......are more concerned about marriage facades, children unable to bounce back from divorced parents..............financial implications rather than emotional well-being. Then we have long-time friends who are territorial about another female taking her place, wanting to know how they and their friendship is going to fit into this new relationship situation. My bestie imposed physical contact preferences so that "she" wouldn't be uncomfortable. Who does that? Another friend of my partner is jealous because now my partner isn't as "fun" and "available" (the friends' words) as she used to be. As long as she and her friend were able to vent about how horrible their marriages were, it was fine. Now that my partner is deciding to take a risk and do something with her personal life (besides wallow in misery), her friend is can't deal anymore. Each one of us (my partner and I) had a friend that was kind of upset because we weren't sexually attracted to them.........go freakin figure! While the good coming out situations were good, the bad situations were (and still are) really taxing and draining to both of us. If I have rules, then she too has rules. If her friends are unhappy, which makes her unhappy, then I too shall be unhappy. I had no clue women could be so bitchy and territorial when their friends come out as Bi or lesbian. These situations have really opened my eyes to how selfish, mean, and territorial some women can be to their bi-curious and bi-sexual friends. Still learning how to navigate these minefields. but we aren't letting anything deter us. You'd figure at mid-life you'd be done with childish shenanigans.............the actions of people never ceases to amaze me. Communication I have learned how vital communication is again. After being in a long marriage where I wasn't able to share my feelings, I am in one where I can share any thought I choose. I am finding out how important communication is, especially in a long distance relationship. Communicating throughout the day maintains our emotional and mental connections, even when physical connections/intimacy isn't possible. I value and treasure my communication channels with my new love. If it ever changes,,,,,,,,,,I will know there is a dead cat on the line! At this point in my life, I've learned that communication is vital for relationship sustainability. Stop talking, the relationship dies. Period. And lastly, Vulnerability I have had to learn to be vulnerable. Having been a foster kid...........I had learned to detach and not show feelings or emotions. It was a coping mechanism. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. With my new partner, I decided even before finding her.............I wanted a partner that I could trust. One that I could be vulnerable to and with. I have had a few moments that I had to allow myself to be vulnerable to my partner. She was right there for me. Supportive all the way, all awhile understanding how different and hard it was for me. I appreciated that about her.....and it made me love her even more. It's going to be a long road, and a slow road, But I am happy to be on it. She has a good spirit, and the right spirit. I know deep down I made the right decision. At this stage in my life I have withheld my feelings and emotions, cared for others and been neglected. I now what I have so missed. I am happy thus far with myself. Again, I don't have any expectations, I just know what I need. I am pleased with the results. I hope those older women here on Shybi are able to find and enjoy this other side that has been dormant for so long. Live, laugh, and love. Take a risk, and don't beat yourselves up if you make the wrong choice. This is a great place to learn and teach. You are not the only one feeling the way you feel. Congratulations for taking steps to achieve your happiness! Middle-age doesn't have to mean death........................it could be new life. Best Wishes, DIY Queen