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Found 81 results

  1. 5 days ago I had an experience with an older woman and it was one of the best experiences of my life. The issue is, up until we were kissing I had never had any attraction toward women, and now it's all I can notice/think about. I guess I want to know if it is a long process to discover the depth of your attraction after your first experience, or is it fairly consistent to what you were attracted to in its immediate aftermath. If any older women can talk to me about how I could meet older women that might be able to guide me. The lady I was with was a tour guide and now I am back to having no one, I don't even know how I could find an older women interested in women, let alone one that might teach me. If this is too personal you can message me, I don't mind verifying myself to have a real discussion with you.
  2. Hello all I'm new to the site. I've been in relationships with guys for years but haven't been able to fall for one since I was 18 (turning 25 in a few weeks), I was beginning to think I was mentally broken being that in just can't seem to connect with anyone. Despite this I nearly settled for a dull relationship, thinking that the gooey feelings would eventually happen (#spoilers it didn't). After it ended I got asked out by several guys, I wound up getting with a guy whom I'd been friends with for years and had a crush on in college, still the gooey feels aren't happening and I feel somewhat a knob for going out with him. A couple of months ago I became familiar with a woman (very cute btw) who was a regular at my place of work. She's a mutual friend of my colleague and expressed a romantic interest in me. I totally chickened out and failed to get her number when my colleague offered it but haven't been able to stop thinking about her since. I've had a growing attraction toward women over the last 2 years but having been in relationships over most of that time I'd been pretty close minded about trying to see if a female connection would be better for me. Now I've moved to another area, some 250 miles away, the guy I'm dating doesn't know what he wants and I see this going nowhere, I feel more attracted to women than ever and have no idea how to deal with it. Anyone here had a similar situation or advice on how to sort out this mess I have made my life??
  3. I have had a hard time posting anything... I'm trying to be positive and focus on the good in my life (which is really hard right now). I guess some things might be better in my marriage, but everything that we talk about is surface things. He is completely disregarding anything that I have brought to his attention. I'm tired of living a lie. He's of the opinion that anything that I have brought up is that it will change. My attraction to women has been completely ignored. In the midst of arguments, he has threatened to out me to my coworkers and family. Our last argument (about a week ago) threw my trust out the window. I have self-esteem issues, and it doesn't help them any when he calls me fat and ugly as well as saying sex with me is terrible. What I don't get, I'm the one that doesn't get much out of it anymore. I finally realized that I'm no longer fantasizing about him. I'm being blamed for him being ousted from his job. (The head pastor came up to visit one night and suggested that he go ahead and resign.) He can't understand that working my two jobs, and driving him 3-4 times a week, is really taking a toll on me. It doesn't help that his parents won't help with his transportation, so I'm the sole mode. I'm giving up any time to take to myself or visit with my family. Since he works in a church, my Sundays are taken up all the time. The good thing in my life is that I saw my crush again. I can't get her out of my mind. I have no idea what to do... :resent:
  4. I can't help but wonder where everything went wrong. My plan was to work and live in Asia. To learn multiple languages. To fall in love with an expat. To work hard to build a meaningful life. To write and draw in my spare time. To adopt children who needs a home. To own a white puppy named Yuki and a black kitten named Luna.... When did my life become so boring and monotonous? Why am I working 7 days a week to make ends meet? Why am I in a heterosexual relationship with a religious guy who couldn't care less about seeing the world and who has zero interest in adopting children? Why am I living with my parents? Why am I drowning in student loan debt? Why can't I make new friends? When did my future become everything I don't want it to be?
  5. So my friend and I have a history of telling each other about the sex we have had with our male partners. Lately, I’ve noticed a shift in the details of what we talk aboit it being more explicit. For example, she goes in detail about her body and how she felt when having an orgasm, how many times she orgasmed, etc. and different sex toys she thinks I should use. She has once told me that she felt sex was “overrated” and she felt it wasn’t a necessity in her relationship with her male partner, yet when we taking about it, she gets very explicit and it almost feels she’s purposefully trying to turn me on, but I’m too shy to let her know that. I also have mentioned some explicit things about my sex experiences with my male partner, but I’m wondering is this a sign that she’s also into me as I am to her? Am I over thinking this whole situation? My last topic (Help! I think I’m in love with my best friend) explains our history. I’m just so confused about all of this and I’m so scared of ruining the years of friendship we’ve had.
  6. Hello! I'm so glad to have stumbled upon this site after randomly typing my feelings and thoughts into google and hoping for the best! I am 27, turning 28 next month, female who I guess has always been bi-sexual but have primarily been with men, so I by default would usually say I am straight. I recently ended a 1.5 yr relationship due to the fact that I literally couldn't have sex with my partner. For a long time now (potentially all my life but I truly cannot remember) I have had to think about women to climax. For all kinds of sex, penetrative and other. When I masturbate it is always about women. This I remember has been constant since I begun to masturbate around 14/15. I think I could count a number of times I have masturbated over men on one hand. The obvious response is, you're a lesbian! HOWEVER! I have never had any romantic feelings towards any women, in fact, I try to, but I don't. I fall in love with men, and I find them physically attractive. For example, if I'm checking people out, its always men, and too very 'manly' men, big beards, broad shoulder, rough looking. I look at womens bodies and try to look at them in that way and feel that feeling but I don't. Also, I have never had any awkward sexual relationships or feelings with girls throughout the teenage years. I made out with many, but it was very casual and never went further than that, and I didn't really want it to and felt like I couldn't. So, another thing I have read is you can be hetero-romantic but bi-sexual. However, adding more complication... I am a very 'selfish lover.' I love love love receiving all kinds of sexual favors, but I hate giving. I don't find penis's disgusting, but they don't really turn me on at all. And Im not really motivated to get one off, unless Im getting something too. I really don't like giving head AT ALL. Since about 16 I have had problems with sex, and cried a lot during and afterward. I've had a lot of supportive boyfriends, and then also a lot of traumatic one-night stand experiences. I study gender in international relations and know a lot of details about the horrendous things that happen to women all over the world, and also due to my own and friends experiences of the gender dynamic in the world with females as subordinates. This I believe impacts a lot on my ability to be open and free sexually as I feel subordinate and as soon as a guy has sex with me I have lost power, as he has 'fucked' me. So I have a lot of problems with penetration, and I think this is where the problem with oral sex comes in. I cannot do anything which is seemly 'pornographic' or 'degrading to women' (please understand my use of inverted commas, I know these things are fine and non-degrading for a lot of people.) such as give head, doggy style, anal or cumming on the body. At the same time, I am turned on by public sex and rough play, but I find it shame-inducing. Eventually, me and my boyfriend broke up, as we both agree I have to explore the lesbian side of my sexuality. However, my concern is how to go about it when I'm not attracted to women in the day/night, if I go to a bar, club, dating site etc. Or if anyone has any advice to give, that would be amazing! I know its a lot in one go.. But its all kind of related and feels like its imploding inside of me! Thanks and I look forward to getting involved
  7. Hello everyone. I’d like to see what everyone thinks about my situation. I’ll make the story as short as I can. My best friend and I have been close friends since the ages of about 13 (me) and 14(her). We were tight as glue growing up, we would have sleep overs at each others homes, go on different outings together, and practically be attached at the hip. Over time, I started to have feelings for her other than the normal “best friend.” There would be small signs of what I considered flirting between us like playing in each others hair, sitting on each others lap, cuddling together when we slept over, extremely touchy, etc. I just felt that there was so much sexual tension all those years, but I didn’t really know how to go about it. About 4 years after we met, I was about 17 years old, and I couldn’t handle not expressing to her how I really felt so I told her through text. I told her that I had had a crush on her for a while and liked her more than a friend. Her reaction was that she had also felt this way, but never was able to tell me for reasons I don’t remember. Side note: at this time her family had moved to a different state, so at that point, we were keeping in touch via phone/long distance. So after she told me about how she felt, we ended up having phone sex. At least twice. I don’t know how it started but it happened. After that, we never brought it up again. Our friendship still continued and fast forward to now, we’re in our mid twenties and still considered “best friends.” We are both in relationships with men and she has children. We see each other in person about a few times every other year, but still keep in close touch via phone, FaceTime, etc. The feelings we expressed in the past to each other has never came back up again. I recently saw her in person again and for some reason, all I’ve been thinking about is her and it’s driving me nuts! Part of me wants to mention the past and how we felt about each other, but the other part of me is afraid. I’ve never felt this way about a female, ever. I have normally considered myself a heterosexual female, but now I don’t know. Maybe bicurious? How should I approach her about the past? Should I express to her again how I feel about her? Do you think she really felt the same way towards me? Any suggestions?
  8. Hi there ladies, great to be here! I’m a newbie to this forum and hope to chat to some great women! So I have a story to share about a friend of mine who I’m completely and utterly confused about! There’s quite a lot to tell so will try to keep it as brief as possible. So I’ve known this friend for almost three years now and to be honest it’s taken quite some time and effort to get closer to her as she’s quite an introverted “to herself” kind of person who is also very hard to read. However, I would like to think I have gotten through her hard shell to some degree and she’s a very sweet and loving person. I think it’s important to provide background information here about her as it might shape a better opinion about her and to get a clearer picture of her. English is not her main language so she struggles to really express herself. Having said that, she’s not a fan of texting over the phone, though she does try. She’s also very wrapped up in her work and hardly has any time for socialising and going out. She’s also not a party animal and not a fan of drinking. She will have a drink here and there but that’s it. I have tried to make proper plans with her but she’s always busy with her work which is very demanding. When I do see her it’s at her place of work as it’s a restaurant. Closed off as she may sound, she really is a beautiful person inside and out. I’ve always thought highly of her and regard her as someone very special in my life. She has told me I’m her only friend, her best friend! But it’s become frustrating for me as I feel that I haven’t experienced the real her. So many questions are going through my mind. So here’s where my story really begins... When I first met her, I felt like a little school girl, super shy, anxious and fidgety. It was an innocent crush which has developed into something way more. We both are in relationships with men. My guy knows everything and he’s cool with who I am. He’s tried giving me advice all this time but it hasn’t really helped. Over time, I noticed her becoming way more open with me. I can tell that she feels more comfortable with me. It’s clear she doesn’t just trust anyone and let them in. So my main question is if she’s into me and if her feelings are mutual. Her behaviour is the most intriguing and makes me wonder...I’m going to break it down like this: 1. There’s prolonged intense eye contact – something which is not normal in my mind between friends. People who have looked at me like that have always been interested but I’m not sure about her. These looks will either be from across the room or right next to me while we chat. I have also noticed her look at my boobs several times. She will see me looking at her and then quickly look away. 2. Warm enthusiastic and sometimes cheeky smiles – she often smiles after these locked gazes. 3. Lots and lots of touching, everywhere! From my hands, arms, shoulders to all over my back as well as slapping my ass a few times. I feel that she finds excuses to touch me. I’ve noticed she will rest her arm/hand right in front of me while seated at a table. Our hands will brush and she doesn’t flinch or move away. She often high fives me and then interlocks her fingers with mine. She will then hold my hand for a few seconds before I pull away (not because I don’t like it, I love it! I just get anxious). She also pokes my side and stomach. Twice she has placed her hand on my upper back and her hand will slowly run down to my ass. The touching is all in public and it’s subtle but I feel it packs a punch! 4. We interchange cheek kisses which is typical to her culture. But she has kissed my forehead and then, she leaned in and kissed my neck the once...I just froze! That has never ever happened to me. 5. She loves to tease me and be playful. Sometimes she will drop unexpected sexual jokes which have always surprised me. I’ve also noticed sometimes when we talk over the phone her voice will go deep and she will talk slowly. It sounds flirty! 6. She seems curious about homosexuality / bisexuality – while she has professed that she’s straight she seems all too fixated on homosexuality / bisexuality. I suspect she has tried to fish for what my sexuality is by asking in a certain way. She doesn’t know I’m bi. 7. She often talks about her being sexy or hot to me and I find myself saying, well yes you are! She then just smiles. I have told her she's attractive and I can see she enjoys it. 8. She’s soooo jealous! She questions about who she sees me hanging out with and who I talk to. Also the once we spoke about a female celebrity who I met in person and who I admire and she didn’t seem too impressed, saying she didn’t like them. 9. She has said she loves me just so randomly in conversation. Also she often asks if I miss her or tells me that she misses me. She has also said, I hope you miss me? You better! I could go on and on ... The above is the summed up version of what’s going on. From all of this I’m so confused! Everyone who knows about this all think that she’s into me but I’m too afraid to ask her! What does everyone else think?
  9. Hi, Recently had my first experience going down on a woman, and loved it. Ever since, when my male partner goes down on me I often get envious, wanting to do what he's doing, but to a woman and not to him, and wishing I could do so. Have always had an ambivalent relationship with the male body, especially the male genitalia. Aesthetically, the latter is not very pleasing to me, though it is sexually exciting and arousing to me, yet it triggers feelings of disgust and repulsion very easily, consistently, and quickly. I know I do have sexual trauma related to experiences with men, including involving the male genitalia. But ever since I started having sexual experiences with men - even when it was just making out, before I even started having penis-in-vagina sex with men - I've almost always, while having a sexual encounter with a man (even one that does not involve penis-in-vagina sex), felt either disappointed in their man pecs and/or penis or wishing they had breasts and female genitalia. It's strange because there have been many men I've felt very turned on by and have enjoyed sexual encounters with (despite the difficulties that sexual trauma presents in such encounters), and yet my mind gets confused, thinking silently, "Something is wrong, there's supposed to be a hole here, and there's this thing in the way," or, "But, there's something missing on his chest..." I don't know why I've always had these feelings ever since I started being sexual with guys. I had my first sexual experience with a woman shortly after I had my first sexual experience with a guy (the latter of which didn't involve penis-in-vagina sex), and it, along with the few other sexual experiences I've had so far with women, was something I really liked. I really want to have sex with women - a lot, often. I'm feeling ambivalent about sex with men, and I don't know how much of it has to do with aversion that's related to unresolved sexual trauma associated with men and how much of it has to do with a possibility that I may just enjoy sex with women more than I enjoy sex with men. It's scary to think if the latter possibly being true, because there have been men I've had sexual and romantic relations with whom I've really loved and had deep romantic and sentimental feelings for. It just has never felt quite right in the department of sex with men, even with men I've really loved deeply. It's been awkward because I often find myself wanting to just lay back and not do anything to a guy, just let myself be pleasured, and then when a guy wants me to do something sexual to him, I'm almost always like (at least silently to myself in my head - I almost never let on to a guy about these thoughts), "Uh... hmm... Let me think about that... Do I really have to?" I often just feel bored by a man's body even if the guy turns me on and I think his body's beautiful / hot. A woman's body, on the other hand, I've discovered; is like a playground to me. I love it, and in sexual encounters I've had with women I find myself wanting to touch their breasts, rub my sex against theirs, etc. and wondering if it's OK for me to do so, hoping they don't mind, because it feels so good and I want to do it so bad. In other words, I find myself initiating sexual activities in sex with women, because I want to, because I've been longing for it for so long. And with men it's like I feel like it's my duty, my obligation, to seem like I feel interested, to seem like I want his body or want to do things to his body. It's painful to love someone and want to pleasure them sexually because you love them but have a hard time dealing with what's "down there" on him or feel that my desire to deal with that is very fluctuating and can change in a flash, let alone to feel in general like I don't want to be very actively (as opposed to passively) sexual with him.. This is even more distressing given the fact that I have also loved women and wanted a relationship with a woman. I keep asking myself whether I'd be happier with a woman, but I feel like I'd miss men, too. It's just very distressing to feel like what I'd really want to ask a man I love is, "Can we have an open relationship so that I can have sex and romantic relationships with women, and can I not have to do anything with your dick if I don't want to, and can I stop doing something to your dick even you're in the middle of being about to come?" Like, is that really fair to ask??? That sounds unrealistic to ask of anybody! Has anybody had any similar experiences or feelings? What have you concluded for yourself, and what have you done about it? Thanks.
  10. I have always had an open mind about sexuality although I personally have considered myself to be straight. I feel as though I can comfortably recognize and appreciate the beauty in all people regardless of race, gender, creed or whatever identity someone may associate with. But now I find myself struggling to understand my attraction for another woman. (Women?) I am 30 years old. I married young and divorced after 5 years because he didn't want children. I didnt want them either at the time but I couldn't stay knowing children would never be an option. I decided this was a deal breaker for me. After a few years of being single I met a great guy who I love and have been with for 3 years now. We live together and have talked about wanting children in the future but it's never been a need for us. I'd say I am content, happy enough although there is room for improvement. We're a bit distant now that I recently started a new career which I absolutely love. I've found my calling! The only... issue is that I have developed an almost overwhelming attraction for my female boss. I just can't figure out why her, why now or how to let it go. And for my career, for my own sanity-- I NEED to understand what's happening (and how to proceed). My boss is a stud which blind sided me so bad because I tend to notice women who are generally way more femme. And again, I've always been able to say to myself, "Oh okay, she's cute/pretty," regardless of the "type" of woman that person is. But with my boss.... I've never been more attracted to someone before, male or female. It's that sort of feeling you hear other people talk about, what you read in books or watch in movies yet I've never really felt for myself. It's that breathless, all consuming, heavy sort of feeling anytime I'm around her or think about her. I catch myself unable to focus on her words because I'm too busy trying to control my attraction for her. Or resisting the urge to position myself closer so I can inhale the scent of her. I feel absolutely pathetic. And it doesn't feel strictly physical which makes it even worse. In a nutshell, my position at work has allowed me to become close with my boss so now I'm finding that I am starting to be attracted to her on a personal level as well. One example is that my 7 year old niece came by to visit me at work. My boss was so great with her that I felt a longing for children of my own that I have never felt with my ex or boyfriend. Seeing her with my niece just put this attraction to a whole new level. Seeing my boss with her girlfriend is like a tug of war. On one end I completely respect commitment and monogamy for myself and towards her relationship but on the other hand I find myself being absolutely jealous of my boss's gf or irritated that we are both not single. Now I'm questioning everything about myself. I'm trying to figure out if this is just some power trip attraction, if I'm lonely or unhappy or if I truly am bisexual. Part of me thinks I might already know the answer... I have another coworker who is also a stud and has the same style as my boss. It's not the same breath taking attraction like I have for my boss but I catch myself seriously checking her out now also!!! Plus, this coworker is a little touchy feely which I am experiencing more guilty pleasure over. (It's nothing inappropriate, but I get flirtatious vibes from her). Am I reading this wrong? Am I projecting what I feel on her now because my boss is more off limits then my single coworker?? I've never experimented with women before. Never felt as though I missed out but now I wonder if I am. What I'd really like advice on Is whether or not it's too late for me explore? Am I just unhappy with my bf and looking for excitement? And most importantly -- how can I become okay with how I feel about my boss? Better yet, how can I get rid of these feelings??? One last note to this post that is turning into a novel-- I work at at huge fitness club. So eye candy everywhere. But I don't notice the fit men or women. Not how i notice my boss. Crap, and now my coworker. But it's like comparing an ocean to a stream. ***And I'm currently wanting to drown myself in said ocean*** I'm begging anyone who reads this for any sort of input or advice. Please and thank you in advance.♡
  11. Overwhelemed and underprilidged. I remember when I saw her, for the first time. She walzed across the room. She had long brown hair and she was just back from Cairns. She was a doctor. But she was opposite to all of the other doctors. Calm and cool with this tendency to float unnoticed. But I noticed. It was the first time id noticed. And there are so many days that I wish that I never noticed. But I did. And that was the beginning of the end really. The last time my head would be clear forever. ...I would love to share more of my story. But is this the best place for it or a forum? Or should I blog? Help! I am new to shybi...
  12. This is gonna be a long one... So, the past couple of days, my mind has been reeling. Saturday night, we went to a local show with two other couples whom we've been close friends with for a while, and three other girl friends (one being my neighbor). One of those couples is my long-time crush and her boyfriend. The first time I met her, I was smitten by her, and the second time, I found out she's bi (but she was just beginning to date her now boyfriend so I never made a move). Over the past 3 years, we've flirted off and on (I've posted about several of those times before), and on occasion I've thought that maybe she returned the attraction, but ultimately I would just get frustrated with how nothing seemed to be going anywhere, and give up. Until the next time we flirted, and I was stuck all over again. I'm still not sure if it will go anywhere further, but Saturday was a start. Husband and I got to the show, and she was already rather drunk and giggly. We sat and chatted while we smoked for a while, then I went inside to watch some of the show. After a while, all of us wandered out back to the patio to smoke, and husband was cuddling on a couch with her boyfriend (a usual occurrence), and she was sitting on a bench with the another girl, so there was no place for me to sit. So she told me to sit on her lap. I sat down, and she started rubbing my back. We all talked and laughed, there was a group of about 9 of us. I don't remember the context, but at one point her boyfriend told me that he was gonna take my husband. So i told him "okay, but then I get your girlfriend!" And she said "yeah, if you get each other, then we get each other". After a while, she pulled me in closer, and would occasionally kiss my shoulder, then my cheek, then my head, play with my hair, etc. As we all talked, I'd turn and kiss her cheek too. The cheek/head kissing became more frequent and we were basically going back and forth kissing each other's cheeks. At one point, our lips touched slightly, and my heart jumped a bit. I figured it was an accident. Then... nope, not an accident. She went straight for my lips the next time. So dropped my half-burnt cigarette and turned my head toward her (as I'm sprawled over her lap, my legs extended forward in an awkward and slightly uncomfortable position, but i wasn't about to move and let this stop due to mild discomfort), and kissed her, directly and deliberately. This turned into a full on makeout session. We kissed, lips, face, neck, as we stroked each other's hair and held each other's faces. Eventually, her hand slowly descended to my waistline as she lightly stroked my side and stomach. My shirt came up a little, and she found skin. Then i felt her fingers slip into the waistline of my leggings and she grazed my hip bone and lower abdomen gently. I was dying, and i felt a sigh escape from my mouth. Eventually I turned and faced her, still making out. I felt her hand make it's way to my left breast, and she timidly groped it. I put my hand on hers and squeezed her hand onto it firmly, letting her know I was digging the way she was touching me. At one point, I remember stopping and whispering in her ear "I've been wanting this for so long.." and she giggled and pulled my mouth to hers again. A few minutes later she whispered "I think this is a few years overdue.." and I agreed. I really wasn't paying attention to what all was going on around us, and I didn't care. I hadn't tasted these lips in over 2 years, and even then, it was the outcome of her drunk boyfriend telling us to kiss, not just something that happened on its own. I do know that the girl from the third couple was sitting next to us, and her friend was sitting on her lap, I think they were making out too, but I'm not sure. I could hear her boyfriend and my husband and everyone else talking and laughing, but I didn't care what they were saying. The next thing I knew, her boyfriend was inviting us back to their place to continue. So we broke from the makeout session and made our way to the bar. There was a bench adjacent to the end of the bar, and she sat down on it, and pulled me back onto her lap, and the kissing continued. Her boyfriend got us all shots, and after taking them, and discussing going back to their place we continued kissing. It's like we couldn't all get our shit together long enough to actually leave. At one point, as i was sitting on her lap, with her stroking my body, he asked me if I was going to fuck his girlfriend. I remembered we had our neighbor who'd ridden with us, and I figured she'd probably want to go home rather than hang out at a house with a couple of people, while 4 others were in the other room having sex. I got bold, and said "if not tonight, then soon". And she and i resumed kissing. Finally the entire group joined us at the bar, and we closed our tabs and hung around for a bit. Then he said "okay, are we gonna go back to our place so you can fuck my girlfriend, or what?" (I might add, this is the same guy who I didn't think would be okay with me making a move on her, so it took me 3 years to do so... 3 years of wishing he'd let me be the exception to his "no fucking anyone else" rule, and ask of a sudden HE'S PUSHING FOR IT). So we stood up, and she and i continued to kiss as everyone else shuffled out the door. She laced her fingers between mine, and we walked out together holding hands. It felt amazing. We kissed goodbye, intensely, and they walked to their house as we drove our neighbor home. I literally have no idea where the other couple and their friend went, but for some reason i assumed they were going back to their own house for some sexy time of their own. When we got home, i was literally yelling to my husband that WE HAVE TO GO, NOW! So we said our goodbyes to our neighbor and went to my crush and her boyfriend's house. This is where it all fell apart. We got there maybe 30-40 minutes after leaving the bar. They had a few minute walk, so they got there significantly before we did. There's a no-knocking policy when we go to each other's houses, because we're just that close (we even have a key, which came in handy a bit later). So husband and I walked in, and she was passed out on her bed. Damnit. So we walked to the back of the house, and her boyfriend was puking his brains out outside. Soooo, I knew nothing was happening that night. We took care of him, got him water, tied his hair back, and helped him puke as much as he could. Then we walked him into their bedroom and put him to bed with a trashcan beside the bed. I walked over to her side of the bed and kissed her shoulder,and told her goodnight. She stirred a bit. Then we walked out the front door, and locked it, assuming everyone who lived there was inside (MISTAKE!). We sat on the porch for a minute, having a cigarette, when her boyfriend's sister walked up. We'd locked the doorknob, which can only be unlocked from the inside. So she was locked out. Luckily, the back door takes the same key, so husband jumped the privacy fence and got in the back, and let her in the front. Meanwhile, his sister told me that on the walk home, he saw a party and wanted to go, even though they didn't know anyone (it's a college town and they live in a predominately student neighborhood). The girls got annoyed and just kept walking, and when they got back, my crush was so mad at him, and drunk and sad that she just laid down to go to bed. Apparently he still got home before we got there, so that's the situation we walked into. I had to work yesterday, and husband, her boyfriend, dude from the other couple, and the drummer from the band we went to see the night before had their own band practice yesterday afternoon at my crush's house. I HATE the weekends I work, because band practice is the one definite day I get to just veg out with her and talk, watch tv, and occasionally nurse hangovers, and I only get to enjoy that every other Sunday, since I work a 2-week rotating schedule where one week I have weekends off, the next I work all weekend. I wanted so bad to be able to go there yesterday and see if any talk of the night before came up, or if possibly the kissing/cuddling continued. She texted yesterday morning and apologized for falling asleep and that it was because she was sad/mad at boyfriend for trying to go to a random college party (we're older than college age haha) and said she'd had a really great time at the show. Soooo did I. Yesterday afternoon when my husband came to pick me up from work, he told me that he, my crush, and her boyfriend were talking, and her boyfriend told her "so, you seemed to be getting pretty handsy with Mrs [Ambrosia]... do you remember that?". Husband said she giggled, blushed, said "well.. no, yes, I don't know, shut up, okay yes.." and giggled some more. Apparently he felt the need to prove it to her, and threw his phone over to her to show her a text I'd sent him that said "dude, not gonna lie, I've been wet all day. She kept sliding her fingers into my pants and grazing my hip and stomach and groping my boob". I was mildly mortified temporarily, and he was instantly regretful and apologized for breaking my trust. He explained that he and her boyfriend at this point are on the same page, and are pushing for something to happen between us, and that's why he showed her, but immediately after he did, he regretted it. I was mad at first, then I was like... fuck it. I asked how she responded to the text, and he said she giggled a lot, and seemed happy about it. So at this point, I'm glad he showed her. I sure as hell probably wouldn't have gotten up the nerve to tell her that the way she was touching me made me want her so badly. She made all of the first moves, she knows I love being intimate with women, so why shouldn't she know that she'd made me wet when she was putting her fingers into my pants, stroking the skin just inches from my pussy? Comments about the two of us fucking were flying around all night, she heard me say that I'd fuck her if I got the chance. I'm pretty sure this 3 year old cat is out of the bag at this point. So who knows where it will go from here. It could be the beginning of something amazing, or it could make the friendship weird. Or it could change nothing. I really don't think it will hurt our relationship. She knows I've messed around with other friends, and those friendships are still strong. My mind is floating. I don't want to text her yet, because I don't want to be overbearing. But I'm dying to see her. I want to talk about it. For 3 years, I've wanted this. I've wanted to kiss her, and more, but I've always been afraid of pissing her boyfriend off by breaking his trust, or that I was misreading signals and would freak her out if I made a move. But she did it all for me, and I'm like.. 99.9% certain that I probably have his blessing. In addition, I realized last night that this happened exactly a week after I'd told her about my other friend telling me she and her boyfriend were into group sex, and that I was possibly going to take her up on that. Whether that was coincidence, or deliberate, I don't know. Did telling her possibly get her mind thinking that if we'd be up for it with another couple, that we'd be up for it with them too? Jesus, my head is in the clouds.
  13. The good old saying "home is where the heart is" right? I recently immigrated so my heart is still at my home, and then from an intimacy perspective, all this thinking of women whilst married-the saying leaves my heart confused and it prompted me to write this poem with a double meaning. If this gets read, I hope you enjoy. You may not have immigrated but hoping you can relate to the conflict of the heart... "Home is where the heart is": I wish somebody could climb into my mind, To understand my pain and confusion inside, To help guide me on the right way, Do I leap forward or best I stay? My foundation has crumbled, My soul is not strong, Confusion reigns, I don't know where I belong, Backwards and forwards, Feels like it will never end, I long for peace, To feel whole again... The noise, the chaos-it must go away I ask again-should I stay? How will I know if this is home? This is the problem-it's unknown. I wish I had a crystal ball, Something to guide me and tell me all. The devil you know or the devil you don't- The devil I want but the devil I won't... And I ask where happiness begins and where it ends- What is real and what is pretend? Follow head or heart, How will I know? Do I stay or do I go? This never-ending cycle of anxiety and pain- I need the answer to feel whole again...
  14. Just thoughts I am confused I believed I must be bisexual, after 1 occasion, as much as women are absolutely sexy all are, I am confused.
  15. 2017 has been a whirlwind of a year for me. I don't know if it has been good or bad. Let me start at the beginning so that you have some background information. I was raised in a very conservative Christian household, very sheltered and naïve. I've never been allowed to be independent growing up and went from my parents house to living with my husband. The summer after I graduated I first heard the term lesbian. That was the summer that I really started questioning myself. I a crush or two with the counselors that I worked with but I didn't have a clue what those feelings really meant. At the end of that summer I met my future husband. We dated for 2 years and he knew that I was possibly bisexual before we got married in 2002. It wasn't until I found Shybi that I could understand and come to terms with my feelings. By this time I had been married for 6 years. My coming out process was difficult since there were only a few people that supported me. Most of my family to this day still consider it "MY PROBLEM." Ever since I came out I longed to be with a woman. I didn't want a one night stand. I wanted a woman whom I could connect with mentally, physically, and emotionally, It took me 8 years to find her, but it was well worth the wait. On our first meet I was only expecting to walk away as friends, someone who could relate to me. Instead I found someone whom I've really connected with. We are both married, but she has a son and I have no children of my own. I have been married for 15 years and she has been married for 7 years. This really has complicated our relationships with each other and our husbands. We have been dating each other since Jan and as of this month we have mutually decided to just be friends with benefits until we can work a few things out like our own personal struggles and our marriage. Ever since I met her I have really been questioning my orientation again. Am I bisexual or am I a lesbian that is married to a man? I know very contradicting. I am so confused. Looking back at my childhood I've had crushes on different women in my life from a teacher, to a few friends. I was never really boy crazy and can count the men that I have dated on one hand, including my husband. I was sexually abused by two different men in my family and my father who was rarely around was both mentally and emotionally abusive. The thought of a man touching me or me having to touch them has become a big turn off for me. I don't feel attracted to men anymore. I still get turned on most of the time with my husband. I don't know if it just because my body has been programmed over the years to respond to him since I am comfortable being around him. In order for me to get any relief I still think of my experiences with my friend even with him. The more I digest my experience and my attraction between both men and women. I am starting to believe that I am actually gay not bisexual.. If I am gay then what does that mean to my marriage. He is a wonderful guy who doesn't deserve to be treated badly. He has stuck with me through all the tough times, especially through my coming out process. I was so confused and angry during that time of my life. He is allowing me to spend time with my friend and giving me space to figure myself out. He even accepts that I am not straight and supports me through everything All I can think about is her. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her if our paths would ever meet like that, but in order to do that we would both have to divorce our husbands. My fwb doesn't want me to leave my husband for her. I feel like I am drowning. I am confused with everything fighting my internal struggles with my orientation and me debating whether I should stay in my marriage.
  16. Hello, I'm new here and just wanted to speak to some like minded people about sexuality, love etc. I've recently had this epiphany that I'm bisexual and although I know my parents will be absolutely accepting, I feel like the reason I'm not coming out yet is that I'm having trouble accepting it myself, even though I have some friends that are gay/bi and I love them all the same. I also had my heartbroken last year, so despite the fact that I'm in a better place mentally than I once was, I still have a couple of self-esteem issues which I'm working on. Since my late teens, I've been very selective about the men I date. I've not had sex in years and I'm in my mid-twenties right now. Part of the reason is that I wasn't dating for a while and when I did, I was really picky and would turn down going all the way. Generally, because there was no strong emotional connection. and because I like to think I'm rather intuitive. I also seem to be picky about women too. Obviously, personality means the most when it comes to both sexes but physically I seem to prefer very masculine men and then artsy feminine women.
  17. Any advice would be appreciated... As I've written before, I've had a crush on a friend for over 3 years, nearly 4 at this point. I'm not sure if what i was perceiving was actual flirting, or just me wishing it was and projecting my feelings. But since we met, there have been too many instances to ignore where something suggestive has been said about us, or between us, or something has happened. It always seemed like she'd warm up and act flirty for a while, then suddenly cool down. About a year ago, I'd pretty much gotten over my feelings for her, and it stayed that way for several months. Then on NYE this year, she held my hand on the ride home from the party. It sort of resparked my interest, but I was still unsure. I'd been talking to another lady friend of mine about a potential fwb situation, because we're both basically lesbians who fell in love with men who accept and support our sexuality. I'd told my crush about that. Then a month later at a bar, she drunkenly began making out with me, passionately, for a long time, and we almost went back to her house to have sex. It was possibly the most aggressive makeout session I've had with a woman ever. We didn't talk about it for several months, and I got the feeling she didn't remember it, and didn't necessarily mean for it to happen. Our friendship had grown quite a bit, and i was enjoying that, while simultaneously struggling to push my feelings aside and forget what had happened (and what almost happened) between us. I took her out for her birthday in May, and we split a bottle of wine and had an additional glass each, then went to the park to walk around. I don't remember what brought it up, but she mentioned the time we made out, and told me I was really good at it. She then told me that after we made out, she and her fiance had discussed the possibility of she and I having sex, but that she didn't want to have anyone watch (neither do i) and her fiance insisted on being there if it were to happen. *grrrr* She also made certain to let me know she wouldn't feel weird at all about me seeing her naked, just my husband. I failed to mention that it had crossed my mind (a few hundred times) and that my husband and I have discussed it too, and honestly, there was a lot more i wish i would have said but i was in too much shock to think straight. There was a point at the park where i felt such a strong pull to lean in and kiss her, but i was too afraid of how she'd respond. Looking back, i kind of wish i had. I was in a good place for a while, thinking she might want what i want too, and i was willing to be patient and hope that somehow we could all discuss it and figure out a solution. If nothing else, intimacy had at least crossed her mind, which i took as a good sign. One night, about a month ago, she and her fiance came out to the bar i work at while we were just hanging out, and a coworker mentioned how close she was sitting to me, and that it seemed to him that her body language communicated that she reciprocated whatever i was feeling about her. She came over a couple of weeks ago with a bottle of wine, and gave me a little makeup lesson, then she, her fiance, my husband and I went to a work event with her fiance's coworkers at a brewery, then back to their house for a bit. Everything seemed fine then too. Then suddenly, she seems like she's completely gone cold the past couple of weeks. She barely responds to texts (she's always been bad at that anyway), she hasn't initiated any contact or asked to hang out, barely acknowledged my birthday last week and as far as i know, she and her fiance ignored my husband's invitation to come out to celebrate (which only added to the mountain of disappointment i was already experiencing about my birthday), and didn't seem too excited about canoeing a few days after my birthday (though we did try, but the river was too high so we settled for hanging out at a little man-made beach). I don't even feel like we're as close of friends as we were a month ago. I can't think of anything i might have done to upset her, unless she somehow figured out i was crushing on her, and is weirded out by it (although, I'm fairly certain the only way she could have is if she read some of my posts here, which is unlikely, but still possible as she is bisexual also). And I don't want to just ask her and come across as needy and obsessive if I'm just overthinking things. I'm just sick of being confused, sick of the (seemingly) hot and cold, sick of wanting something i probably can't have. I just want to find someone to take my mind off of her. I don't want to keep holding on to something i might be imagining. But if there's a chance, i do want it. What should i do? I'm not good at just cutting off my feelings, and i don't want to lose her friendship by pulling myself back too much (though i have decided I'm going to stop trying to initiate seeing her until she indicates she wants to hang out). I'm just so frustrated. How do you stop wanting someone? Why are there so many mixed signals?
  18. My gf and I have been together for 6 months now. Ever since she and I have been together. I feel like the orientation that identify with is changing. It's to the point where I feel going through the process of coming out again, not only to myself, but to my husband and my family. It's almost to the point where I dont want him to touch me. I prefer her touch. I don't know if its NRE or the fact I'm truly gay. If I'm really gay then I feel like I'm living a lie. I feel trapped. Has anyone experienced this?
  19. My fiancee and I have been discussing and even searching for a female to give me the chance to have that experience finally. I have told him time and again that with me being as shy as I am, that I'm not sure how comfortable I would be with him being there. One minute he tells me he doesn't have to be there (he claims he doesn't want any involvement, just to watch) but when we find someone that is interested and they don't want him to be there, he gets an attitude about it and tells me to do whatever I want. But if I respond back to the person, he gets even more of an attitude. Now he is suggesting we invite a couple over for ff and then the guys could go with their own partners, no swapping involved. I tried explaining to him that if I am not sure I'd be comfortable with him being there to watch, there is no way I would be okay with another guy being added in. He just doesn't seem to care. And now his thing is that I can either stop or tell him to leave if I am too uncomfortable. I have tried telling him that would ruin the entire experience for me. He just keeps repeating that he thinks I would be so into it and enjoy it so much that I wouldn't be phased by him being there. It's getting really old having this same discussion with him. So last night, I told him I was done, that I didn't want to look for anyone anymore and that I would just forget about it like I did years ago. Now I know I won't just forget about it, but I would have to push it to the back of mind. It's at that point where it is something I know I want but I just don't want the headache that comes with it. He is insistent that we are not forgetting it, that we will find someone to try it with and that I will be okay with it. I feel like he is just trying to push it to get something he wants out of it. If I say I am done with it and that I don't want to bother anymore because he is making it harder than it should be, he should at least respect that. I've been chatting with one girl that actually seems interested and said she may be open to him watching but she's not sure about at first because she is really shy and new to this as well. So we decided that talking and getting to know each other better first would be the ideal way to start. He started in about how she isn't okay with him being there so it's whatever I want but that he really wants to be there. He just won't stop pushing and I don't think it's worth it anymore. But is it really worth pushing who I really am to the back of my mind again and go back to hiding how I feel about it just to avoid the arguments and the headache? I just wish that he would understand that for me, this isn't something where I want to be putting on a show for him or anyone else. Especially the first time. I mean, I could be open to having him watch later on but as it is, I will be nervous and with it being the first time, I really think it should be a one on one thing.
  20. Hi Could use some input on this situation . Over a year ago I met a woman on a dating site. Prior to her I was just basically doing a one nighter here and there because I was not really finding that someone that I wanted to try more with . I had been single for awhile after my divorce . I dont jump from one relationship to another . Usually for me big connections with others span years apart. Anyway we were both physically attracted to eachother along with having many things in common. I finally thought this may be someone could actually like dating. We lived a hour away so only could really get together on weekends. She has a son and I am kinda a gym rat and would be at the gym most weekend nights. A couple of weeks later when her son was gone to his Dads...I stayed over. The sexual part was amazing for both of us. Totally clicked there. Now here is where it starts. The next day was a snow storm and I wanted to get going not knowing how long it would take to get home. I also needed to visit my elderly mother that day which she knew. I had to park away from her house because her so called crazy ex could still drive by and she didnt want to cause any issues. She said she was done with her for months but she still would bother her. So she dropped me at my car location...I said good bye and started scrapping snow off my windshield. She was sitting there and I motioned her to leave. ( The intention was for her to get home it was crappy out) First red flag and I did not do anything was that when I got home I all of a sudden get a text about how rude I was sending her away...It was disrespectful especially after having sex the night before. Then she went on a rant about disrespecting her house with my shoes on . I was just taken aback on how mean she got or over blown . I apologized about my shoes and tried to explain I didnt send her away in a mean way ...I wanted her to be safe. It was just the way it all went down that I said to myself ..WTF. I always try to be caring for others...and do not understand why she just could not of said I hurt her ect. Instead she lashed out . She said sorry it was just old stuff from her past relationship. As we started dating per say she would get annoyed because I didnt text all day ..(I am at work)...Had to call and talk everyday and if I wasnt available would get pissed . Why did I stay...because I figured she was working out shit still from her past ...We had many good times together...and sex was great. Also it is so hard for me to find companionship where I live because there are not alot of gay or bi women with my interests that I can find here. The next issue then was I was supposedly cheating on her anytime I was not with her. I tried to assure her that is not me , but this was constant ...We went on a cruise Oct with a womens travel group ...And apparently I cheated then also. I finally had to walk away for awhile ...We got back together one day and decided to just date . Ok here is my issue. I know I am not who she needs ...she needs or wants someone there at all times ...whether thru texting phone all weekend ect. I want to be with her in many ways ...but have other interests as far as the gym , friends my mom ect. I am not one to date or sleep with multiple women. She on the other hand always bragged about her younger years doing so. The last couple weeks things seemed different so I asked was she dating others ? She got pissed and said she doesnt like being questioned . I said ok ...and she finally admitted she was. She also said I need to own up to my cheating on the ship ( which I didnt) and other things she went off about . I cant see myself dating her anymore because when I date its only one person . I don't want to be just a sex toy for her when her others are not around . But the problem is I am bummed that the one person in many years I tried to take a chance with turned out to be this . I feel like I said lets date (again because I knew I could not meet her criteria) And she is doing that and now it bothers me. Maybe I am just feeling like I am going to be lonely again for that companionship. Should I just say screw it and start dating others and keep her on the side like she is me for good sexual pleasure or let go and grow from the experience ? I think I know the answer but could use others input please.
  21. For the past three years I've had a crush on one of my co-workers that's just grown stronger over the years. She and I have confided a lot in each other over this time, including our rocky relationships with our husbands. The past year we've flirted. A lot. I finally got the nerve to tell her I have feelings for her and all she could say was how "cute" it was and how she had no idea. She still flirts with me, but any time it gets close to being anything physical, she freezes up and says how she feels "so bad" for me that she's straight and is married. She'll tell me all the time how she regrets marrying her husband and how she wishes she would have been able to try different things before she settled down. She came close to kissing me about a month ago but again, froze up, and left the situation. A few weekends ago we were supposed to go out dancing and drinking. We were supposed to meet up at work and she was gonna drive us from there, and she stood me up and went with some of her friends instead. I'm fine with it if she doesn't want me. It hurts but I can get past it. I just get so confused with her. She acts so flirty so I roll with it, and then it's like a switch flips and she's completely different. I don't want to push things and lose her as a friend, but this is new to me, too. It's scary for me, too. My friends who know us and know the situation think she's just being a bitch to me and playing with my emotions to get something out of it or to get me to do things at work for her, but I don't see it as that. Am I just blinded by my infatuation with her? She and I have definitely had our ups and downs but I have never felt this much chemistry with someone before. Sometimes I just feel like I'm a creep or something by how I feel about her, and I just don't want to be a creep or weird or anything. Any thoughts?
  22. I started talking to a girl from my work place and shes friends with a few people who know my ex girlfriend out of work. I have always thought shes super hot and spoke to her once at work and then when she was on holiday I got drunk and messaged her and she replied and we had a good chat and a bit of a flirt. She maintained she was straight. Me and my ex had only recently split up and she found out and kicked off. Over the next few days we messaged non stop from morning until night. We talked about hanging out. Then randomly I got a message the next day from her saying we shouldn't speak anymore explaining that shes 110% straight, and that she doesn't think it's appropriate to spend time just us two or go for food but okay if we're with other people. She didn't want to cause any drama for anybody with my ex being involved. The next time we were in work it was just us two for about 4 hours so we had a proper laugh and then we just kinda continued to message after and we talked a lot about sexuality and sex and flirted a lot. It's so confusing. We arranged to spend time together that I'd make us some food and she'd come stay at mine and watch a film. She said she wishes she was gay but she likes men only and apologised for it. She also said that she likes me, and when I asked her to explain what she meant she said that I'm lovely and hilarious and kind and sweet and that I have everything but she is not gay and cannot have sex with me. I'm really starting to fall for her and I don't know whether to take the subtle signs as she may still be interested and carry on pursuing this or should I be taking what she says and backing off. I'm really confused as she's done stuff before with girls and the signs are so mixed and back and forth. I don't speak to any of my other strictly platonic friends from the moment I wake up until the moment I got to sleep.
  23. I'm a typical tomboy have been all my life and I knew that I felt different to alot of people,wasn't sure if gay or straight but now I know I'm bisexual,anyway a few years ago I got a new neighbour lovely woman we got on so well she said she felt the same as me so we explored it alittle deeper and enjoyed it,it happened a few more times but then she went cold on me saying that she didn't think she could stay with a woman,we have stayed friends since but I can't get her out of my mind,it really hurt me when she pulled away but can't stand not being with her,I don't know what to do next,this is the first time I've felt like this or acted upon it,we both find it hard talking about our feelings but need answers please help.
  24. Ok so I met this girl and my husband knows about her. The thing is he thinks I'm in love with her even though I've told him that I'm not. So now I'm questioning my feelings for both of them for some reason. He's the one constant person who has always been there for me. I know I love him and I know I love her. But I'm not sure if I'm in love or if it even matters anymore. I just feel lost. Any help is appreciated.
  25. Hey, collective wisdom of the ShyBi hive mind! I'd really like some feedback, if any of you feel so inclined... I have been out as a bi woman for about six years now; I've dated a couple of women, we kissed and cuddled but didn't go any further than that. All my other previous partners have been men, but I haven't dated a guy since I broke up with my last ex seven years ago. Since I came out as bi I've experienced some biphobia, and been to BiCon (which was fab). I've also experienced fluctuations in my attraction to different genders: sometimes I feel more drawn to women, sometimes I feel more drawn to men. I have a bit of a thing for androgynous folk: especially dark-haired women with short hair. Anyhow... There is a woman I've known for a few years now, through a professional network we both belong too (a pretty laid-back and groovy professional network, of creative folk). When I first met her she was attracted to me: I was just coming out as bi, and though I really liked her as a person I didn't feel physically attracted to her (i.e. there didn't feel like there was 'chemistry' between us). We talked this through and she was cool with it. Since then we've kept in touch, and see each other fairly regularly (once or twice a year). Now the situation is that I am planning to move to the part of the UK she lives in, so we're likely to be seeing a lot more of each other. We met up recently and spent an evening hanging out together, going out for some food and then just talking about books and TV series and life etc back at her place (she lives in a shared house with 4 other people). We get on really well, have a similar sense of humour and it's pretty easy to talk about stuff. She's a lovely person. The reason I'm posting this, is that I'm feeling kinda confused about my own feelings... And how I should go forwards from this point. A couple of months ago I had seriously warm fuzzies about the wishful thought that maybe our friendship might possibly now develop into something more than friendship (i.e. a relationship); but after seeing her the last time, I reconsidered: because I was hoping I would feel some stronger physical attraction to her when I saw her... and that just didn't happen. We did talk about dating other people, and at one point (when I was talking about one woman I'd dated) I said, "I think maybe I wasn't in a great headspace then, I probably wasn't ready to do the whole being with somebody thing." And my friend asked, "Well, are you now?"; and I replied, "Oh yeah!" It's really nice when we hug (the network we belong to is a pretty huggy bunch of folk) and I sometimes fantasize about cuddling with her and curling up together... But I'm not sure if I'm just projecting my feelings of just wanting to be with someone onto her. And I seriously don't want to muck up what's developing into a good friendship. Has anyone else had confused feelings about physical attraction, or has struggled to work out if you want a friendship or an actual relationship? I always used to think that attraction was simple - like, BAM, I fancy you, and take it from there... But it feels more complicated than that now for me. And does feeling unsure about physical attraction indicate that you shouldn't even go there? I think I've got some baggage from previous experiences (well, ain't we all), so I'm kinda lacking in confidence in this area. I find it hard to trust my own feelings/attractions sometimes (because in the past they've occasionally led me into relationships or situations which weren't great for me). My key thought is: I want to be honest and open about how I'm feeling with someone. So is it best if I continue with exploring the friendship, and just wait and see if other feelings develop at some later point? I feel a bit anxious about the situation because I don't want to lose the friendship. I also don't want to inadvertently create any expectations on her part (which even as I write this, I realise sounds like a bit of an ego trip). Nyarghhh... I'm probably overthinking this. Just wanted to get it out of the echo chamber of my head, and see what others might think.