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Found 59 results

  1. So to keep a long story short, a few days ago I confessed my love to a best friend, and this crush had been something that was building up for years. I was super nervous about it, but I did it, and I'm proud of myself for that. And it turns out that he had been having similar feelings, but he didn't know how to bring them up in conversation. He basically said he'd sleep on it, and talk to me more about the situation the next morning. So, that following morning, I receive a long text, in which he tells me that at this moment in his life, he's not ready for a relationship, because he needs to work on his own self love and identity issues. It's important to mention that he is a trans man, and that he is mid-transition, and has a lot of gender dysphoria issues in his mind right now. In the text he also said how even though he has dated friends in the past, none of them are like me, which makes this even more difficult because he's so afraid to rush into a relationship again and possibly hurt me in the process. I basically told him how I was understanding of his situation and would never want to force him into something when he was not 100% comfortable with himself there. I also made a point to express how I didn't think there would be much of an issue between us if we were to date, and things wouldn't be ruined if things didn't work out. But again, I told him I respected him and would give him space to figure himself out, and we basically left it at that. It's been a few days since that interaction, and while we talk normally like the best buddies we've always been, I feel like I'm stuck and lost. I want to wait for him to see if maybe he'll come to eventually want something with me, but also I have no idea when that time would be, and I am afraid of sitting in limbo just waiting around for someone who may in fact have already subtly rejected me, and then when he finally is accepting of his body, won't actually be interested in me at all in the end. Some friends have told me to start moving on, but I genuinely don't want to yet. I know it's probably a bad idea, but I want to stick around and see how this plays out. Do you think it's bad to wait for a little while and see what happens? On top of that, we haven't talked about the issue since, and now I feel like there's just this weight hanging over top of us begging to be addressed, but neither one of us will say it. Should I bring the topic up again and press, or would that be too pushy? I apologize for the long post. I just feel so down about this, how it didn't work out like I was planning it in my head. Any and all advice is appreciated. Edit: I've also never had a crush on anyone before this person, and the idea of dating and being in love in general is such a new playing field for me. That could be a reason why I am overthinking this so hard. I don't know.
  2. I don't watch much TV and I don't read women's magazines. The last time I read one in a doctor's surgery I didn't about 3/4 of the people in it. So bearing that in mind, who do you like? And can you include a pic or preferably a clip of them in their best scene if they're an actor, or they're best vid if they're a musician etc, 'cos I like a celeb that does more than look pretty. It might be a nice way to expand our viewing pleasure... ;)
  3. Hi all, I have been experiencing this intense crush for a lady for the last few months that has not only reconnected me with my true sexuality but also given me the motivation and the stamina to keep pursuing my own happiness and being open and honest about who I am. She's single and has never mentioned any love interests to me, male or female, so I'm pretty much in the dark about her orientation. We seem to be building up quite a nice friendship: she's caring, and wise and intelligent and wonderful to be around. As I'm married, I have kept my feelings secret and I'm ready for this to keep being a platonic relationship for the time being but I have found myself thinking whether she likes me back in a romantic way by analysing how she acts around me ( yeah, pretty much the same guessing game as when I was a teenager, haha). Things like paying attention to the way she moves, body language, eye contact, although much of that analysis is by nature inconclusive, as I just cannot be bothered to spoil our times together by just studying her behaviour ( sod that! I treasure those meetings too much!). Truth is that deep down I just "know" she is attracted to me. To what extent I do not know, but I just can "feel" it. My question to you, ladies, is: have you ever been sure someone likes you back just because you feel that undeniable spark, that perfect connection? Can we trust the gut feeling? I'd love to hear your stories!
  4. I'm so glad I found this site. I signed up yesterday and have mostly been reading through different posts. I feel like this is the right place for me at this precise moment. I feel safe. I have always felt attracted to both men and women for as long as I can remember. As early as pre-school days I would say, but it wasn't until I was 21 that I had my first experience with a woman. Although I knew I had done the right thing by giving in to my instinct and following my heart's desire, I felt an instant tidal wave of shame afterwards and I don't even know why as I have been raised by a very understanding and open minded family. From then on, I have had several different experiences with extraordinary women I have fallen for ( love has always been present and I have never got involved with a lady without having developed romantic feelings towards her). The shame gave way to acceptance eventually, however I kept being secretive about it as the relationships never lasted long enough for me to gather the courage to come out to my family ( my friends were always fully aware) and I met and fell in love with my current husband 10 years ago. My sexual preferences were never openly discussed with him at the beginning as I believed at the time that meeting him was the end of an era, or a phase. I did not feel attracted to any woman - or any other man- since I met him and I have always been faithful. Although never mentioned, I hinted many times that I had previous experiences with women and, although he has never told me, I can feel he is also bisexual and has never acted upon it. Our marriage is not perfect but it's good enough for us. We have a deep emotional connection although the physical side of things has been quite neglected for the past 11 months. A few months ago, I developed a crush of massive proportions for a female coworker who I had never thought about before in that sort of way. I had always liked her at a professional level and thought she was an interesting person who I'd like to know more about until one day she came to my office to talk about a project and her hand accidentally touched mine over the computer's mouse...I blushed intensely- I could feel the heat in my cheeks!-I realised I couldn't stop preening , touching my hair and stuttering in her presence! I had never felt so socially awkward before. The revelation that I was emotionally and sexually attracted to her came to me as hard as a hammer hit as this is the first time in over 10 years that I have to acknowledge my latent bisexuality but now things are different because I'm married and committed. The feelings for her have grown exponentially during this past few months. She's made me realise- without even knowing it- that I cannot deny who I am anymore. I need to gather some courage and speak out and finally decide which kind of life I want to lead. Do I believe this could be another phase? Unlikely... She is a single woman and I don't think she realises the nature of my feelings for her and I don't know if I want to act upon them yet without having cleared my mind before and decided whether to come out officially to my husband or not. I believe she's straight but she's never hinted it or mentioned any boyfriends or male love interests in the horizon ( she hasn't mentioned girlfriends either, though...). We are quite friendly with each other and there's a definite energy between us. A kind of a palpable warmth. Call it spark or chemistry... All I know is that I feel almost "drunk" with desire when I see her , my stomach becomes a cage full of butterflies wanting to escape and I feel like my heart could explode every time she smiles at me... I don't even have to physically see her to trigger all these crazy, marvellous feelings: sometimes seeing her name on an email does it for me! I honestly don't know where this could lead... it's early days of my re-discovery journey. But even if nothing ever happens and we stay friends I will always be thankful to her for "reminding" me who I truly am and made me realise that's it's never too late to re-direct one's life, if need be.
  5. I'm 6 months in after my husband died. I still miss him so much, but I feel like I'm making good progress on healing, acceptance, and pulling my life together. I still have a long, long way to go, but I feel like I'm getting there. I've even recently started considering going back to school to get into crisis intervention and/or counseling victims of traumatic experiences. Anyway. About two months after his death, my sex drive skyrocketed. It's always been high, but I've always had the ability to have sex anytime I wanted because he was available. Then I went two months without and I almost went insane. I started hooking up with a close friend/former coworker/current neighbor, and from the very beginning, we were super clear on what it is: just friends having sex. It's worked out surprisingly well. He lives out of town about 5 days a week, and when he's in town, he usually stays over one of the nights. It's not great sex, but it's comfortable and fun. No romantic feelings, no complications, we can get done having sex and roll over and talk about the other people we're sleeping with absolutely zero jealousy. He actually thanked me a week or so ago for being the only girl he's hooked up with casually without things getting weird. Anyway. I was with my husband for over a decade, and while slept with about 3 women over that time period, I'd never had a "sleeping around" period until recently. So I met a guy online who seemed fairly cute and nice, and we met up and went out, again, with the strict rule that it was just sex. Long story short, the date was pretty bad, but the sex was hands-down the worst I've ever had in my life. Like, not just disappointing, but actively horrible. I ended up leaving in the middle of it (as he was passed out drunk on the toilet) and went to the bar I work at to play pool and shake off the bad experience. I ran into a guy I'd seen around town for the past couple of years, but I barely knew. We have mutual friends, but always kind of ran in different circles. We'd ended up in random pool games together for a couple of weeks prior, and he came back to a friend's house with a group of us one night to hang out, but nothing was really going on. Honestly, I sort of thought he was gay, because despite being extremely attractive I'd never seen him out with girls and the majority of his friends are gay, including his roommate. Then, this night happened. We hung out, played pool, and I got a little more drunk than I intended to, but needed to get home because the bars were closing and there weren't any ubers available. He offered to let me hang out at his house to sober up a bit before I drove the rest of the way home. So I went over, smoked a little with him and his roommate, watched some TV, and his roommate went to bed. Then he started to get a little closer, cuddled up a bit, and suddenly his hand was down the front of my dress. I remember thinking "Ohh, okay. This is happening? I'm in." We ended up having sex on his couch for like an hour and a half. It wasn't mind-blowing, but it was pretty good.. definitely better than the experience I had earlier that night. Unlike the first guy (who kept asking to take the condom off), he was sweet, respectful, and even supplied the condom so I wasn't using my own. So we smoked a cigarette and I went home. He texted a few days later and asked what i was up to, told him i was at the bar picking up the keys for work tomorrow and having a beer. He said he was thinking about going, and i told him i wouldn't be out late, but if he wanted to come by for a game, I'd challenge him. Didn't go home with him that night, but he texted a few hours later to thank me for playing pool on a Tuesday. So that Friday night, I was out with friends for karaoke at the bar I work at. He walked in and my stomach kinda fluttered. He walked over, hugged me, asked if I wanted to play pool. During our game, it was my turn to sing a sing with a friend, so we went up there and he followed, sat on the stage behind us as we sang, then we went back to our game. When the night started slowing down and he was getting ready to leave, he came over to me and said "my roommate wants to smoke with you again if you wanna come over". I'm thinking "riiiight, your roommate wants to smoke with me", so I said I might. Didn't want to tell him face-to-face that I was on my period. After he left, he texted and said they'd be up for a while. I texted him back and said "Cool! So, here's the thing. I can't like... have the night go the way it did last time, not sure if that's even what you had in mind. Next week, totally, if that's what you want, buuut I'm currently kinda.. decommissioned". He responded with "hahahahaha it's fine. Just come over and smoke". I told him okay, and sorry that was weird, he said it wasn't weird, and he didn't care about that anyway. So I went over, hung out with him and his roommate, then roommate went to bed. He cuddled up to me again, laid behind me on the couch with my head kind of resting on his leg, stroking me a little. Then I felt he was rock hard, which made my mind kind of explode. I started rubbing him through his pants, and finally sat up and got a condom. Told him I could only go down on him because I'm bleeding. So i started on him, he was rubbing my legs and finally my crotch while I was going down on him, and finally I stopped and told him he was driving me crazy. He giggled and asked why, I told him because the way he was touching me was making me want him but I couldn't. He said it didn't bother him to have sex while I'm bleeding. So I was like, it's gonna make a mess... he said "it's a dark couch". That round was MIND-BLOWING. He was so animalistic. At one point he was on top of me, his body weight holding me down (he's over 6' easily and more muscular than I'm used to, I'm 5'1" and very petite), his hand around my neck pinning me down gently but firmly. Holy shit. I don't even know how long we went for, but it was fantastic. When we finished up, we hopped in the shower, i replaced my tampon, and I left. Couldn't find my cigarettes once I got to my car, so I texted to ask if they were inside. He said they weren't, but I could have his. I told him I'd stop for more on the way home, but if i could just steal one, so he brought one out to me. A few days later I had just moved into my new place downtown, about 2 blocks from where I work. I definitely wanted to break the new place in right, so I texted him and told him I was out with friends playing pool if he wanted to join. He was at the other bar playing, and told me to come there for a game. He was only going to be there for one more drink, and his roommate rode with him. So i went over, and when his roommate was ready to leave, he decided to drop them off and come back. Played another game, then asked if he wanted to come back to my place. That boy.... we'd both get off, we'd cuddle and talk for a bit, and he'd be ready to go again in like 15 minutes. We went for like 3 rounds, at it until the sun started coming up. So I was really, really enjoying the sex. But still firmly believing it was JUST sex. He came over a few more times after the bar over the next couple of weeks, it was kind of turning into beer, pool, sex kind of thing. He knew my husband had passed just a few months before, and he made the comment once during one of our mid-sex cuddle breaks that he hadn't been in a relationship in like 5 years (i don't remember what brought that up). So the risk of feelings and stuff hadn't even crossed my mind. About a month after we'd started hanging out, a mutual friend of ours (who bartends at the other bar) pulled me aside and told me I should be careful with him, he's a nice guy but he tends to be a little narcissistic. I assured him we weren't getting emotionally attached, we were just hooking up, so I'd be okay. A few days later, pretty boy started seeming a little flaky. He'd still sometimes come over, but started declining my invites more frequently. He texted me one day shortly before I was getting off work and asked what i was doing. Told him I was working and he asked when I got off. I told him, then asked what he was doing later and he didn't respond. Later, i asked if he fell asleep and he said he did. Then, we went for about 2 weeks without sleeping together. Over that time, he'd declined coming back with me about 3 times consecutively but he was still pretty flirty while we were out, still occasionally texting to see what I was doing. So the day after the third time, I texted him and asked if we were done fucking, and that he won't offend me if he says yes, I just don't want to keep trying to get him into bed if he doesn't want to. He responded and said "no no, I just had to work early today". So i left it at that, and maybe 4 or 5 days later, asked him once more to come back. He said he was too drunk. So I never invited him again. So that went on for about two weeks. Then one Wednesday night, I was out by myself after an 11 hour day of work, and I had to open the next morning too. He showed up, had ridden with his roommate who was only planning on having one quick beer and then leaving. He told me he was going to stay longer than his roommate, and he'd just get an uber home. So his roommate left, and we continued to play, finished our beers and had a cigarette outside. He asked if i wanted to go to the bar I work at, and i told him they were probably closed, so he said he'd run over and check (the bars are about 2-3 blocks apart). He started walking away, then turned around and walked back to me, kissed me, and went to check my bar. The kiss threw me for a loop, we'd never kissed outside of sex, and he hadn't seemed interested in sleeping with me in about 2 weeks. He came back, said the bar was closed and that he'd called an uber. So i waited with him, and when his ride arrived, he hugged me goodbye, said "wait, i need to touch your boob a little bit" and cupped my boob in his hand. So i grabbed at his crotch, we made weird flirty faces at each other, and he left. In hindsight, i halfway feel like he was trying to get me to ask him back, but I'm not sure. The next night, his roommate came out without him. I was with a guy friend of mine, and towards the end of the night the bar was basically empty. Roommate was hitting on a dude I'd never seen before, and finally the guy said "well, I'm straight", and roommate said "well then this isn't gonna work out". I was drunk, horny, and seriously believing pretty boy was playing mind games with me, with the flirting, declining sex, and randomly kissing me out of the blue. So i sort of set my sights on this stranger. The four of us stood outside for a while talking, and apparently I was missing some creeper vibes from this guy that roommate and my dude friend had already picked up on. I don't even remember what I said, but apparently it was something to the effect of "I'm just trying to get dick tonight". I just remember my dude friend throwing up his arms and saying "I'm out" and starting to walk away. Then roommate looked at me with this *look* and said "(Ambrosia), do you need a ride home?" (Again, i live 2 blocks from the bar). I started realizing what was going on, and i told him sure. I didn't want the stranger to follow me home. So roommate took me home. The next night, I went out and both pretty boy and his roommate were there. Pretty boy saw me and started theatrically flirting with my (unavailable) girl friend, which was super out of character. So i brushed it off and went inside to play pool. We needed a 4th, so my friend told me to go ask pretty boy to join. When he answered, he had a sort of pissed off/closed off tone and said "I think I'm done playing pool for the night". Then 20 minutes later he was racking up a game with another guy. I could tell he was purposefully ignoring me and being super cold, so i hung back mostly and had fun with my friends. I'd occasionally go up and poke him or make faces at him, which he awkwardly returned. He did hug me goodbye that night. So the next day, it sort of hit me. His behavior towards me from Wednesday to Friday was like night and day. His roommate had to have told him the stupid thing I did. Over the next week or so, he kind of warmed up to me, but he's still fairly distant. I still can't tell if he was trying to play me, or if I was accidently playing him by making assumptions that he was just fucking with me. But I sort of realized then that I'd really been enjoying his company, and obviously I'm very physically/sexually attracted to him. I basically fucked up. Over the next week, I was trying to get the opportunity to ask him about him being obviously upset at me, but there was always someone around. Finally, I got the chance but i kind of wasted my opportunity to let him know I definitely knew something was up, basically just said "so, you were upset with me last weekend, why?" As I assumed he would, he denied being upset. I was too nervous to press the issue and tell him I'm not blind, he was definitely treating me differently, and just said "okay. Sure." And left it at that. Since I don't even know what i said to the stranger in front of his roommate, i didn't know how to even ask if it had to do with that. But I'm sure it did. About a week later, we kissed goodbye out of the blue again. Then he was gone for some training or something with the National Guard for a week (his roommate mentioned where he was while he was gone, in addition to talking him up and saying how talented and great he was). I've seen him two or three times since he got back, he still initiates pool games, but he's seemed fairly distant and distracted. I can't decide if he actually kind of liked me and I fucked it up, or if he really is a narcissist who thought I might be a good target. I really hate that we didn't lay out on the table what it was from the beginning, like I did with my neighbor. Because now I think I actually kind of have some sort of feelings for him, and there was no platform to even bring up the fact that things sort of changed on my end and I'm interested in getting to know him better. And since his interest seems to be waning, I don't know how to non-awkwardly bring it up. I don't want to jump right into a relationship with this guy, but I wish I could go back to when things were kind of fresh and let him know that if he's into it, I'd like to get to know him outside of casual sex and running into each other at the bar. I want to know his thoughts on things, because I'm kind of in a limbo right now. I'd like to continue things, but I don't know if he does, and since we haven't slept together in over a month, it kind of feels awkward to randomly bring it up again. And if he's not into it, I could easily get over it but I don't want to just assume and pass up on something I've enjoyed. How do I ask him if he really was over it when he said he wasn't, or if I did something to make him think I was over it?
  6. So i've known this girl a while but never hooked up or anything when she lived in the same city. Always fancied her. She had to move home and now lives in the USA (I'm in the UK). We speak all the time that we are both awake. I send her videos and pics all the time and we flirt a bit too. I've talked about flying over there or seeing her when she's back as she has family here but I'm worried I've read too much in to it and she's just being friendly and I don't know how to bring up with her I have feelings for her ane would want to see if it would progress without it freaking her out! Please help LL xxx
  7. Since so many of you have unrequited crushes thought you might have an insight into what's happened to me. I'm in a weird numb emotional state at the moment and wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation. I've been in love / madly infatuated with my straight (bi-curious maybe) friend for well over 5 years. We became good friends but she wasn't interested in anything more. I accepted that and settled for a very one-sided friendship. I would do most of the organising of get togethers and I put far more into 'us' than she ever did. I could never bare the thought of not having her in my life so I was willing to always do more for her. Guess I was like a love sick puppy. Now after many years of this set-up I've finally come to realise just how unhealthy this relationship is. And although there is still some attraction there I have fallen out of infatuation with her. Its like everything I admired and thought about her has just dropped away and instead of thinking she is this amazing Goddess of a woman I now see her for what she is, flawed like the rest of us ! In fact she has treated me quite poorly on many an occasion, but I always forgave. She is doesn't have the qualities that make a friend and its taken me this long to come out of an all encompassing 'spell'. It has to be for the best that this has ended, as it has been very emotionally exhausting. But I am left feeling anxious and very lost. I've cried a lot, felt angry and now just a bit confused. I should be feeling liberated, right ? What's going on. ?
  8. So, I've got this massive crush on one of my female work colleagues and it's driving me a bit around the bend as I am shit at decoding where she's at or even if she's interested. I have no idea what her orientation is. It's never been discussed. We've been working at the same place for about three years but it's only the last year and a half that we've been working together and only the last six months very closely due to what we work with. I've been bi-curious for a long time and I am not very experienced in this at all, as I've mainly dated men. And up until very recently I've never thought og this woman in any other way as a colleague and I noticed she always said hello to me as she was nearby, even if I didn't see her. Then about a month ago she asked me to helper with the new printer set up and we did that over her phone, and as if in a movie our fingers touched and it was like lightening. I know is sounds awfully cliche but it was just something about that touch. Afterwards, all I could think of was that touch and the crush just grew I guess. And it's still growing. Since then I've spent more time with her as requirements of our jobs and it's become treasured time. Then this week we've been spending even more time together due to work and it's just her and me in her office. There I am sitting there smiling like an idiot, with a schoolgirl kinda crush, even though the topic is quite serious. I have to keep myself from just smiling from looking at her. And what I am curious about is if she's in any way interested in me like I am interested in her? I know I am usually quite closed off and I have a big fat armour on, not letting anyone get to close. But with her I've been lowering it a bit and seing if she gives me anything. But I am very bad at signals reading, even with guys I am terrible. But I have learned that she's a bit like me with the armour, she's told me that much. And when she's around where I work she usually checks to see if I'm there, even if she doesn't say anything. But most times she stops by to chat. However, last night we were working late on a case together and when we left I told her I had a date, with another colleague of ours, a woman. I said it in a jokeing manner as this other colleague is married and very straight (which she knows) and we were just going out to catch dinner and a show. And then I snapped her a photograph of us leg flirting with a silly "it's such a nice date" line, which was of course just bs as my friend and I were being silly about it, but I didn't tell my crush this. We do send each other a lot of snaps and she is usually very quick to reply, however this she didn't comment on. (She also usually comments on other things that I get up to). And today as we had another meeting scheduled she didn't ask about it at all. When we're in her office and talking I usually sit at the side and she often asks me to come around to sit next to her and every now and then our feet will touch and she's not pulling away. She seems comfortable with the touch. She even asked me to stop by her office before I left for the day, which I did. Then there's this thing that might be a tell, I don't know. We usually park in the same place but the other day she parked at another lot and today I parked there and she parked where I previously parked, thus missing each other. When she found out she said "Are you serious? Why would you do that?" Which I'd like to interpret as a sign as we've missed each other two times, but then I could be reading too much into it. We're getting quite giggly and we both joke a lot and I feel like we're on the same wavelength but I am really bad at sniffing her intentions out. And since we work together this could potentially be bad. So, should I just leave it with that I have a crush on her? Or should I try and find out what she feels?
  9. And, how old were you? Here name was Carrie & I was nine. I'm now 46.
  10. Kate McKinnon and puppies! As if I couldn't love her any more than I already do!
  11. Anyone has a crush on anyone from Shybi? You don't have to tell us who it is, just yes or a no would suffice
  12. Hi ladies, I need some advice here So basically I have a crush on a woman. She's hot as hell and I'm pretty sure she's into girls too, but also I'm a complete chicken when it comes to making the 1st move. Not just with women, with guys too, but its much less of a problem with guys... anyway I'm getting a little off topic here. Back to my situation... to complicate matters, we work for the same company, tho we don't see each other all to often and rarely work together. And one more little wrinkle - we work with kids (!!!) I'm always very professional at work. I would never try to make a move on her at work or anything like that. And did I mention I'm also a complete chicken? The signals I'm getting from her seem to say she's kind of into me too... you know, smiling, dreamy eye contact, going out of her way to touch me or brush up against me, compliments on what I'm wearing... things like that. Even tho I'm a total chicken, I'm pretty good at spotting the signs of attraction ;) I've actually invited Ms Crush to hang after work several times. She's refused my offers way more times than she's accepted, but she has taken me up on it a few times. I'm just paralyzed with fear or whatever it is, and I'm completely unable to make a move when I'm around her. So my questions for you are: 1. Is going after her a terrible idea, with the work relationship and all? 2. Do u have any tips for gathering up enough courage to make the 1st move? Any handy dandy pickup lines you like to use? I'm not a big drinker, so liquid courage isn't really an option for me. One more thing I should probably mention is that I'm not really all that experienced with women. The furthest I've gone with a lady is a hot and steamy makeout session, but that's about it. It's not really what's holding me back in this situation tho. I'm sure if I ever got into an intimate setting with her I'd figure out what to do real quick ;) It's my crippling shyness that's the problem. Thanks for your advice!!!
  13. Stunning don't you agree?
  14. I've written about my crush for several years now, and also about how things have progressed between us. We had a lot of sexual tension between us for a few years, and finally it broke about 2 months ago when she and I started sleeping together (husbands involved). It's been fantastic, and has oddly strengthened my friendship with her (and her husband) as well as my relationship with my husband and his friendships with them. We're together hanging out more than ever (not just for sex.. that's actually only happened a handful of times) and it just feels... right. Comfortable. Exciting. Almost feels like we're dating, but that conversation hasn't been had yet (not sure if it ever will), which I'm okay with for now, i don't want to go too fast. My husband did tell me on Sunday "you realize, you kind of have a girlfriend now.." i told him that's not how it is, it hasn't been discussed, and he replied, "that may be the case, but you clearly like each other and spend a lot of time together and even sleep together.. that's kind of a girlfriend". Anyway. My dilemma. We had a Halloween party at their house Saturday night. After everyone but the 4 of us left, things got hot and heavy. Like... extremely hot.. I've been wet thinking about it since. I finally got my cuddles (the previous times, husband and i ended up going home rather than staying with them), and a *mind-blowing* round 2 when we all woke up Sunday morning. The way she held onto my face and body, and the expressions on hers... dear God. I need a cold shower. One issue we'd had in the past was the guys feeling left out of the action because she and I were so into exploring each other that we sort of got distracted by each other. It was new (still kind of is), exciting, and soooo... hot. Conversations were had, and she and I decided we needed to make it a priority to involve them more. Which we did this past Saturday night/Sunday morning. Husband and I were giddy all day Sunday talking about how amazing it was, she and I kissed goodbye as we left (husband said it was adorable to watch haha), and when I texted her afterward, she gave positive feedback from both of them. Then suddenly Sunday night (nearly 24 hours after the first round), husband got upset. In an effort to include everyone, I'd sort of taken charge and positioned everyone. I had her husband sitting against the headboard and her on top of him, reverse cowgirl style while I was going down on her and my husband was behind me doggy style (sorry for being so graphic haha). A couple of times, her husband slipped out of her, so i pushed him back in and continued on her (though the last time, he told me "nope, that thing just made a mess, it can't go back in, i don't want any babies"... not sure how i missed that happening haha). Anyway. Despite being completely into everything in the moment, my husband suddenly got upset and asked me if I went down on her husband too. I told him no, just her, the only contact i actually had with his dick was when he slipped out and i pushed him back in. He didn't believe me, so I told him to ask (HH-her husband). (MH-my husband) texted (HH) and said something to the effect of "hey, no heartburn if so, but when (Ambrosia) was going down on (crush), did you get licked too?" (HH) responded and told him exactly what I told him, and that was pretty much that, other than the fact that he was still bothered that he wasn't told ahead of time that it would be happening and he thought it was a bad idea because it's a potential way to get an accidental dick in the mouth (which, swapping penetration is outside of our current boundaries so that would technically be a violation, i do agree with that), though he did say he's okay with that particular position in the future, however I'm going to avoid it unless we all explicitly discuss and determine that amount of closeness is acceptable. Anyway. I went over to their house yesterday, and there just seemed to be tension in the air. Might have been my imagination, or even my negative energy from our argument throwing things off, because when speaking did happen, it was friendly and comfortable and basically normal. We just didn't talk much. Partially because discussions about sexytime between us usually go between (MH) and me, (HH) and her, then her and me, and (MH) and (HH). If one of the four of us is missing from the conversation (like MH was yesterday) we don't generally discuss anything too heavy unless it's one-on-one between couples, girls, or boys (though i did send HH an apology text last time for hogging her and leaving them out, which went over well and left me feeling good about things). I can't really describe it, but things just felt off. I want to open some dialogue with her about things, just in general. Obviously HH knows about MH's upset, so I'm assuming she does too. I want to be clear with her that i want open communication between us all and basically encourage her to let me know if anything is on her mind or bothers her. I began a bit of a rough draft of a text (i want to do it in writing, because i can be more concise and make sure I don't leave anything out), and i want to know if it sounds alright. Like, is it inflammatory, awkward, presumptuous, stupid? Is there anything i could phrase differently? Anyway, here's what i have so far: Hey. I just wanted to check in with you. Sorry if this is weird. There was a bit of a misunderstanding with (MH) about when I was going down on you while (HH) was inside you.. he was afraid I was going down on him too (which obviously, I wasn't and wouldn't). That's pretty much been talked through and taken care of on our end, but I clearly made him uncomfortable by doing something that hadn't been explicitly agreed upon. I want to make sure I haven't, nor do I ever cross boundaries with any of you. I really enjoy you, and the weird friendship thing we've developed, and I never want to do anything to hurt you (or the boys). I guess I don't even completely know what I'm asking or saying, other than how are you feeling, and please let me know if anything ever bothers you, I will do everything I can to make you feel comfortable. We're in a delicate (yet, at least from my perspective, exciting and satisfying) situation, and because of that I want to be able to communicate openly and honestly to avoid any potential hurt or confusion to you, (MH), or (HH). Does that sounds okay? Too clingy, emotional? Not emotional enough? Too forward, not forward enough? How would you feel in her place, assuming she at least likes me as a friend and enjoys sleeping with me (though i hope it's a bit deeper than that, it is for me). I really, really like her. Like, more than I'm comfortable admitting. I wanna hold onto whatever this is for as long as i can, so i want to be able to open up communication. Any advice or insight?
  15. Hmm..I apologize for how long this post is..I need to get this off my chest....well about 5 months ago, I met this woman at work and being my usual helpful self I went out of my way to help another co-worker and the manager (subbing in from another store) complimented me and went out of her way to praise me. At the time we just formed this bond! She was the coolest manager ever!! No crush cause she was a manager and a temporary one at that. She left and I put it from my mind. A month later she came back and we worked together a lot! Spent endless time talking during down periods. She was a hard worker and best manager ever, so I respected her! Then we start flirting, naughty comments about being wet and hinting hard that I was attracted to her. She would stand close to me, touching her arm against me. I would get super jealous if anyone flirted with her and even told a perverted co-worker that she was mine and to leave her alone! Lol. Everyone said she didn't swing that way but I just knew. She stayed for 3 months total! About a month ago on her second to last day before she return to her store 2hrs away, I was off and I went up to the store at close per her wish to hang with her. We spent from 11pm till 3am talking in the parking lot. Deep conversation, about her life and past female partners! She poured it all out and I felt such an intimacy. Unfortunately, i didn't have a phone and hubby was worried, so he came to check on me. :( And that ended our night. Next day, at work she kept our meeting a secret. Now she has been gone for a while, I got her number and we text. Nothing as intimate cause she busy. But we check in with each other. I cannot get her out of my mind. I craved her like no one else. And we are both tomboyish which adds to her appeal. She's sexy, built like me, same mind set. She is so much like me! It's so frustrating cause I'm desperate to know what she tastes like and feels like! Should I just give up, and let it go? Try harder? What is a sign that it's not going anywhere ever?
  16. Hello Girls, I’m reaching out to you in the hopes that you will be able to help me out on a little something that’s been wearing heavy on my mind. I discovered this forum a handful of days ago and I’ve been avidly reading lots of posts in the hope that I could find an answer to what’s been gnawing at me. And I found so much tales and experiences, it has motivated me into writing here, from the other side of bi-curious experiences. Buckle up, ladies, this might be a long one. To give a little bit of context, I’m a bi girl, happily married to a woman (3 years married, 10 years together) and in an open-relationship. I’m 26, fully out and comfortable. I’ve been crushing on my sort of coworker (I know, I know, always a terrible idea…!) for 3-4 years, but I never made a move (until recently) because she’s engaged to a lovely man that became my boss - 3 kids, the happy, straight little family. In late fall last year, I had to move to her office with her team, and that’s when the crush started getting a little out of control. Now, I’m a shameless flirt. As I said, I’m comfortable with who I am and my love-life situation, so I decided that I would start flirting with my crush, see if I could get her to react in any way. If she didn’t react, it’d prove me that she is indeed straight/not interested and I’d be able to put it to rest. If she did respond to my flirting, then… We’d see! So I got to know the girl even more (she’s gorgeous, funny, mature and brilliant, just a little quirky and riddled with self-esteem issues that I only got to learn about the more I reached out to her), and we got to talking. She would sometimes smile in a way that made me think she could’ve been interested and, the more we interacted, the more she started asking about my experience with girls, how it works in an open relationship, how she might be curious to be with a girl but it would have to be a “spur of the moment” kind of experience, otherwise her brain would get in the way. Signals everywhere, but in such a subtle way I couldn’t really be sure. And I’m not one to tip toe around something and be contempt with half measures or “maybes”. Except, we saw each other at work every day, her sweetie was my boss, so the whole “want vs should” always had me flacking at the last minute and stopping me from making a big move that would clear things up. And I was not looking for a relationship, really, I don’t even think I wanted to sleep with her at that point. I was just desperately crushing on her and wanted to kiss her, touch her. Nothing planned, I just… Wanted to let it out, that I was attracted to her. So anyway. One night (thanks tequila!!), I texted her that I had flacked again and was on the verge of asking her for a kiss. Her reaction was… Surprising. She was absolutely taken aback. All this time, she had never noticed my attempts at seducing her (and I’m a pretty effective flirter – not to say that I am outright vulgar, but I know how to make a girl swoon), she’d never seenherself as attractive or beautiful or anything, so the fact that someone would see her like this really surprised her. She didn’t say she wasn’t interested, but didn’t say she was either (she’s very careful this way, not wanting to commit but not wanting to close the door either). So I kept on flirting with her, making my intentions clear that I wanted her. We started exchanging messages often, almost every night after work while still being appropriate at work. Some pictures were exchanged (again, thanks tequila!!), and things got a little… Hot. She was curious. She wanted to know what I’d feel like, how a kiss would be like, but things gotta blew up at work (totally unrelated to us), my boss/her fiancé was not so gently nudged out the door, and she told me she couldn’t let herself entertain the thought of us, not while her boy was feeling so bad, not if it would cause her to want something she might never have. I understood, and we decided to slow things down until her boy could feel good enough to be approached with the idea that she could maybe possibly get with me for a kiss. It was still a kiss at this point cause she’s never been with a girl before (stray kisses at parties some years ago but never more) and, as mentioned before, she’s got some self-esteem issues. “But keep your plan in your back pocket”, she told me. So I did. A month after I told her I wanted to kiss her, there was a corporate party. The full week before that, we’d been a little more distant and careful, not wanting things to escalate since she couldn’t promise me anything would happen and didn’t want to lead me on. So it really surprised me when, during the party, glass of wine in hand, she started touching me, one hand on my hip and her tipsy smile wide and flirty. I’d be sitting talking to someone and she’d walk off the dancefloor and sit on my chair, plastered against me. She was happy, flirty, touchy, and generally driving me absolutely nuts. We were drinking the same thing so we decided to share one glass of wine, we did shots, we danced, touched – after the second time of her cute butt finding its way onto my chair, I could not try to be appropriate that much anymore, so I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her fully against me while her hand glided above my shoulder and around my neck. She made comments of how weird it was to see me dancing with a man, sent cutting looks to the people who would come talk to me, always finding an excuse to interrupt and get a little too close, whispering in my ear whatever excuse she had found to get me to herself. I never claimed to have a lot of self-control, but I really tried that night. And failed. At one point, she came to me, dancing, eyes shining and being so fucking pretty, I pulled her close and told her to follow me, no questions asked. She did follow me, to the bathroom (at a work party!!!). I got her into a stall and the look on her face was priceless. She was intimidated, aroused, big blues looking up at me and making me want her even more. So I kissed her. Soft and slow, I kissed her. And she kissed me back instantly. After a handful of kisses, I took her hands – that she had kept nicely along her body the whole time – and brought them to my hips. For the next fifteen minutes or so, we kissed, we sighed, we touched, we pushed and we pulled and it was amazing. I kept reminding myself that we were in a bathroom and that I needed to pace myself; she deserved a real first time with a girl, not a quick, drunken fuck in a bathroom. Eventually my wife texted me, telling me that she had our stuff and that the party was over (!!!). Got out of the bathroom, the lights were on and the party room was empty. We got our things. Got out. She’d always been kinda hesitant, wondering what would happen if we had no chemistry. Well it wasn’t the case. We have mad chemistry. Real life kinda caught up with us after that night. It’s been 8 months since we kissed. We still talk, things got pretty intense – feeling-wise – and we slowed things down to almost a stop (her boy never really fantasized about having a threesome, but said he might like to watch. But then the crush and me talked a lot and he started getting a little passive-aggressive, telling her that she should just fuck me already, or that maybe she was cheating on him with me. So we put some distance between us). Her boy still doesn’t know we kissed, she hasn’t brought it up to him that she might want to hook-up with me (after that makeout session, we knew we wanted to sleep together, even if it was just a one-time thing, we knew we were deeply attracted to each other). I really like the girl, I really really do. She ticks so many of my boxes, she’s so gentle, so hot, so soft, I just want to kiss her again, have her again, even for just a night. But I don’t think that’s the way we’re headed. I think I have to let her go. So there, that’s why I’m here. So you guys can tell me that it’s not meant to be, that she will probably never talk to her fiancé about getting with me. Or, if you think you might have insight on a situation like this and have some suggestions… This is not healthy and I know it, and she knows it too. We want each other a whole lot, but can’t get together “right now”, though I’m starting to think that right now is turning into “never”. I’m changing location in a couple of months, we won’t be seeing each other every day anymore. Maybe it’s time I accept that it’s not gonna happen and move on? What do you guys think? Thanks for reading my little novel
  17. Tonight was so weird. So was last night, kinda. I definitely learned feelings definitely play into how much i enjoy sex. Started out a normal bar night (i.e. only beer), husband mentioned that he got butter shots served to him in a stripper's cleavage once , that lead me and some girl friends to decide to serve each other that way too (crush wasn't even there btw, different friend group/setting). Sooo we did.. i took from a girl I've made out with on occasion before, and she took from me. It's always been just fun, pretty sure she's a straight girl who makes out with girls while drunk and that's never bothered me because i have zero feelings for her beyond friendship, but she's fun to kiss (though I've avoided kissing her since i started sleeping with my real crush.. because it just feels weird with other women after having "her"). Another lady friend and some random girl traded boob shots too. It was fine, fun, relatively innocent amongst us all. Anyway... apparently the random girl that traded with other friend is bi and in an open relationship. Assuming her husband is straight and she's not. Her name is J. She's extremely sweet and very cute. We all started talking, I immediately told her husband i wasn't looking for another dude, he was cool with it (seriously.. all of my poly friends/acquaintances are straight.. except one or two.. which makes couples hard because they wanna hetero hook up and we both are only into women...) Didn't mention my girl, because it's not a relationship and though I'd love to say "nah, sorry, got a girl", I can't because we're just fucking+great friends right now and it would be weird to insinuate it was more than it is. Probably. I don't know. But rando girl latched onto me, and through some coercion on her part, i ended up in the (super empty and dark) back of the bar with her, she and i finger fucking each other. P.S I WORK HERE, OKAY??? I finger fucked a random girl at my place of employment (don't worry, I'm on the tame end of what all has happened/still happens there, if no one else has gotten in trouble, i definitely won't...). Mildly paranoid someone is gonna find out and tell bossman-owner (very unlikely, btw, boss is out of the loop and anyone who would somehow find anything out could give 2 shits/already know I'm bi, and wouldn't tell because they don't care/support me/know not to tell boss anything because it's more trouble for the messanger because boss is just weird). Anyway. The whole time, it felt wrong and i didn't enjoy it. Couldn't even get turned on, though she was attractive. She seemed super into it, but the whole time my brain was saying "this isn't [crush], this isn't right". I was literally waiting for it to end the whole time. I should have enjoyed it (IT WAS A WOMAN), been ecstatic and wrapped up in it. But i wasn't, and though i don't really regret it, I feel sad, kind of. I feel like i lead rando girl to believe I was more into her than i am (though i really didn't lead her to believe anything, she came on strong and i just went with it, never promised anything), and i also went against what i wanted.. i honestly don't think i want any girl but my lady crush anymore. And even though crush and i aren't exclusive or dating, or even anything with a label meaning I'm supposed to only fuck her and no one else with a vagina (we're both married to men, and there has been no true DTR).... i don't want to tell her. I feel like I've betrayed her, though there's nothing specific to betray, since we haven't defined anything, we haven't pledged to be exclusive, she's not "with me".. we're not in a relationship. I just wish we were... Other weird part. While that was going on, husband was making out with a person in drag. Now, that's happened a few times before (husband's definitely not a 0 on the Kinsey Scale.. he admits to being higher) and he seemed to be having a good time. Then he flipped. Started treating her like shit, telling her to get away. That's never happened before. He's never suddenly volatile against anyone he's been intimate with, regardless of gender, and again.. he's made out with cis men and trans women and men in drag. But it made me feel horrible for V (person in question), though she insisted she understood and knew how to deal with and understand his erratic personality type. He was drunk... he's also been diagnosed with a mental illness, so that often plays in. On the way home, in his drunken stupor, he mentioned that since we both did things we didn't enjoy, it probably was a sign that we should just stick with crush and her husband as far as these things go. I'm 1000% in agreement, at least on my end. I feel horrible that husband lead someone on, and then turned on her. I also feel horrible that I thought i might be into something, literally made a girl cum, then ended up disinterested the entire time and don't really wanna do it again. What the hell did i do?? Unfortunately, they both have our numbers, and I'm gonna need to gently explain to them before it gets out of hand (mostly with the chick i messed around with.. V is aware husband is weirding out already). I just want my lady right now. I don't want an unfamiliar chick. Like has happened before.. i can still smell her on me. But it's not the right smell. It's not the right girl. J doesn't give me those crazy, over-the-moon feelings like my girl does. Another part that's annoying..... last night, i insinuated to the girl (M) who newly runs karaoke at my bar that we weren't mono.. and she expressed interest in husband. Like, after he went inside to pee when we were out smoking, she told me how lucky i am because he's so smart and funny and hot. And i was like... "yeah... *inside brain says "tell her she can fuck him if she wants, BUT WAIT i don't know if he's interested so maybe don't do that until you ask him.."* Mind you, he was drunk, so oblivious to the fact she was into him. Told Sober Him today that M's crushing on him, and he said he'd be into it. Asked me if I'd want to... told him maybe, but probably not but don't let that stop him, I'm totally fine with it. But like... she was hinting to him LAST NIGHT that she thinks he's attractive, and he blew it off because he was drunk (ahem: difficult to handle). Anyway. Not that big of a deal, i just know he's wanted something else but thinks I'm the only person on earth who finds him attractive (dude is legit hot, like David Tennant and Jude Law had a love child kinda hot, even hetero men around here admit he's pretty... doesn't know it and has super low self esteem). We opened up because I'm bi, and needed something he couldn't give, and that evolved. But i got my girl.. i hope.. the only one i want right now. But it's also for him, and i don't want him to restrict himself (except within our boundaries) when he could be experiencing things too. He has needs i can't/don't feel comfortable with fulfilling too, and i wish he'd see that as long as we're communicating, I'm okay with him exploring too. I just feel like he doesn't believe me when i tell him that, but i don't feel like I've given him any reason to not belive me. Ughhhh sorry about vomiting my brain all over this post... the past two days have been weird, and i just wanna cuddle my husband and my girl at the same time (while her H cuddles her)... is it a fucking full moon??
  18. This weekend has been amazing. My crush no longer has a fiance, she has a husband! i was her maid of honor and my husband officiated it. It was small, but so intimate and so so so much fun. I'm over the moon for them and still feel high on the excitement! Thursday night we went out and had a joint bachelor/bachelorette party for them at the bar i work at since her best friend was finally in town and the only other bridesmaid that's above legal drinking age wasn't available for the weekend she and i celebrated. I wasn't exactly sure if she'd told her about the stuff that's happened between us (she moved away before any of it happened), so i was kind of unsure of how affectionate i could be. We all went outside to smoke and she, my husband, and i all squeezed onto a bench with me between them. Husband had his arm halfway around me with his hand resting on the shoulder closest to him, and eventually she started to put her arm around me until she felt his hand, so she pulled back and put her hand on my other shoulder. Then when he got up and went inside, she put it all the way around me, and we stayed like that basically all night. Even when one of us would get up to go to the bathroom or something, when we'd come back, her arm went right back around me. Until she noticed i was wearing the super soft robe i got when we were together one time, and she started stroking my leg.. but then i put my arm around her and kind of rubbed her waist, while she continued to stroke my leg. We left and went to a friend's house eventually to continue to hang out (it was about a 3 block walk) and she slipped her arm through mine and found my hand. We held hands the rest of the walk until we got upstairs.. so i was kinda thinking maybe she told her best friend, but i wasn't sure. In hind-sight, i wish I'd kissed her on the walk to my friend's house.. So then, the wedding on Saturday. It was SO great. Possibly one of the most fun weddings I've gone to, but i might be biased because I'm so excited about the whole ordeal. It was at her hisbands parents' house, and i absolutely love his parents (we go there for the 4th of July every year.. awesome little property right by the river with a wooded area in the lot next to them, and they're the coolest, sweetest people who definitely know how to throw a party). Anyway, after her family left and we got most of the reception area cleaned up, we all stuck around and partied a little more on their front porch. At one point, she, her best friend and i were the only ones on the porch, when her husband came out for some reason. I don't remember what brought it up, but he said something about the first night we'd slept together. I don't remember what at it was. But he said "you know, this night" and started scissoring his fingers together. She and i laughed and were like "that's not EXACTLY how that night went.." (there was no scissoring involved, only oral and fingering). He said "whatever, it was that night, you know what i mean" and scissored his fingers together again and went inside. In front of her best friend. Sooo, I'm pretty sure she told her, because best friend didn't bat an eye at anything that happened or was said either night. Haha. Anyway, we continued to kind of reference that night for a few minutes, i don't remember exactly all that was said. But she made the statement about people falling asleep during it. I told her "oh, that was the second time and it was only [her husband] who fell asleep, and that's why we stopped". She said "i kinda fell asleep the first time too," and i told her "yeah, but that was when all the stuff was done, we all cuddled up and started to fall asleep. Until my dog started barking his brains out and [my husband] got frustrated and wanted to go home. Ughh i did not want to get up and go home, i just wanted to fall asleep there". She said "yeah, that sucked. I just wanted to cuddle and fall asleep together. Oh well, it's just growing pains". Which gave me butterflies. She wants to finish by cuddling and falling asleep together too.. that's what I'm dying for. And i took the "growing pains" statement as reiteration that she's into whatever is going on between us, and wants it to continue and progress (god, i can't wait to see how it progresses...). I also thought it was an interesting choice of words, because her husband had used that phrase after i sent him an apology text for basically hogging her and leaving the guys out the last time we all slept together.. he said something to the effect of "it's all new and there will be growing pains, but i like how it's going and progressing, and I'm excited to see how it continues to progress". Guys.. i think she kind of likes me. Like, ever since we started being physical, I've been afraid I'm just an experience, someone to fulfill her bisexual desires and that maybe anyone she was somewhat attracted to could stand in my place. But I'm really thinking she likes me specifically, and maybe in some weird way more than just sexually.. to some degree like i feel about her. I'm not in love with her by any means, but i love her. I'm extremely drawn to her on a emotional/friendship level, and she makes me so wet i can't think straight sometimes. And our husbands are completely fine with it. Seriously, is this even real life? Sorry. Just needed to get that out there and see if i could get some other opinions. Am i reading too far into things?
  19. It has been about a month since my whole world turned upside down and since I joined Shy ( See "What is going on" topic for back story.) After crushing pretty hard on a friend I had for 3 years (who also happens to be my son's, friend's mom), I told her. Butterflies, nerves and all. I had a good enough read on the type of person she was and was willing to take the risk despite both of us being in hetero marriages and identifying as straight. What has ensued since has been the most amazing fairytail there is which clearly has me questioning everything. But also accepting that our sexuality can be fluid and that my 38yo self is different than my 21 yo self. Even tho we are both married with kids and my husband knows that we are exploring, the emotional and physical connection has become so intense. It is very hard to disguise my cloud 9 aura whenever she is near me. All of the elements we felt that were missing in our marriages are being fulfilled with each other and it is overwhelming, but incrediblely fulfilling. Our moods instantly shift to happy/giddy when in each other's company and it is a feeling I can't imagine ending. Physically...this is something my wildest dreams couldn't have conjoured up. Every little touch,graze, kiss, gaze sends electric to my core...a feeling I haven't felt in forever (if ever). It has changed from a want to a need. Our encounters have differed in intensity some have been sensual & romantic and others lustful - they are all good. I wish I had a crystal ball to predict what will be, but for now it feels like heaven. I hope this doesn't come crashing down on me...just don't know what reality is or should be anymore..
  20. When she does something nice for me and I say thank you and with a wink she says "gotta keep my girl happy". That is the moment I turn into a puddle. And the moment I want to grab her and kiss the shit out of her. But she keeps telling me how straight she is. When will she get it? That straight people don't look at each other like we do?! And that just because you enjoy a man doesn't mean there is no room for grey areas. She is killing me in the most delicious of ways and I am asking for more!! Ugh.
  21. How do you guys deal with trying to get over a crush that you know won't work out? Especially when it's on your friend? A while ago I posted asking for advice about how to tell my friend I was interested in her. Long story short, she didn't return my feelings and she is straight. That happened about three months ago. It's okay though. We're still friends and nothing has changed about the dynamic of our relationship, which is a relief. Actually, my feelings for her have faded in terms of physically and mentally reacting to her--thinking about her all the time, not being able to eat or sleep sometimes (yes, I liked her that much!), etc. Those reactions don't happen anymore. I think I've calmed down a lot because I know there's no chance she could ever like me back. I still notice her beauty etc, but I don't feel a strong desire to be with her anymore. But that's not the crush I'm trying to get over (just figured I'd provide an update on that situation). This crush is on someone different. We'll call her Nora, who I've known for a couple months. We're friends. We lived together while we were both studying abroad in the same place. This crush isn't nearly as intense as my previous one was. I do think about Nora a lot. But the main issue is that my interactions with her tend to steer my mood in different directions depending on how well these interactions go. It's unsettling. This situation never happened with my previous crush. For example, a while back we were talking and she randomly mentioned she was scared about having to find a job after graduation. I asked her what she meant and she pulled away, saying I didn't have to "dig deep." Which bothered me, because why bring up something like that and then say you don't want to talk about it? I got over it quickly, realizing she isn't obligated to tell me more about stuff like that just because she mentions it. But the next day we had a Skype call with one of our other study abroad roommates (who I'll call Sam) and the entire time she was passive-aggressive and made it clear she didn't want to be there. It was frustrating and saddening. For the entire next week after this event I was feeling down. I replayed everything over and over again and was generally paranoid about the state of our friendship. I wondered if I did anything wrong, if I should stop trying to reach out to her, if she really wanted to be my friend, etc. Then one day she messaged me and we had a great conversation and suddenly life was great. No person has never affected my mood this much. Then yesterday, she messaged me about wanting to attend a comedy special at our university. I got super excited because I thought it was a chance to hang out with her one-on-one, which almost never happens. But then she told me she invited Sam to come with us and instantly I was sad. Not because I dislike Sam--I'm closer to Sam than I am to Nora, actually--but because I wanted to hang out with just Nora, you know? Plus, Nora proactively makes one-on-one plans with Sam all the time, but never does so with me. Which hurts. I don't mind them hanging out one-on-one with each other, but Nora, why not me (Sam and I hang out one-on-one all the time)? Nora doesn't know I'm bi. She actually came close to asking me once but changed her mind at the last second and asked me something else. She may have suspicions about me being bi though, because I've openly voiced my attraction to some female celebrities. And when we lived together, she would nervously tell me not to look at her while she was changing. Which I wasn't doing in the first place--I don't check out anyone while they're changing, even if I find them attractive, that's an invasion of privacy. But that's an example of why I think she may have her suspicions about me. I kinda think she doesn't want to spend one-on-one time with me because she suspects I may like her or try to flirt with her. I do like her, but I try not to flirt with her anymore, because I respect friendship boundaries. I used to flirt with her because it was fun and because I didn't think there was any harm in it. Or that she would even notice. But now I've changed my mind--she may be noticing and it could be making her uncomfortable. I also don't want to flirt with her anymore because I'm trying to get over her. Plus, I'm 99% sure she's straight and I don't want to read into any interactions that may suggest otherwise, because I did that last time and it turned out the girl wasn't into me. I don't want to make the same mistake again. So these are all of my feelings about this girl at the moment. Hopefully the examples illustrate the reasons why I want to get over her--I think about her way too much when there's no way we'll ever be a thing. Any ideas about how to move on? It's really challenging so far, especially because I want to stay friends. Has anyone ever managed to get over a crush--or a crush on a friend--without being rejected by them?
  22. So I haven't been on here for a while. I think things are sort of petering out in a way but I am quite frustrated in the way it happened. Or in things left unexplained. For those following, in March my friend and I spent the day together. Ended up a little inebriated and held hands for about an hour. It felt very intense in a way. Like we just kept gripping each other's hands tighter, fingers intertwined. I got the feeling she might've wanted me to kiss her when I parted ways with her that afternoon but knows. Previously there was a lot of touching at work. A lot of back scratches, pats and hugs, anytime she was upset she would literally come to me for hugs. Far so more than I would ever have expected from a friend and far more than I would ever give a friend. We are openly bi with each other. Well she is overall but I am certainly not and I trusted her with that information on the day we held hands. When we first became friends she was calling me, messaging or texting. Would initiate plans, discuss getting together. We would be at work and she would mention during conversation that we need to do something soon. Well we certainly did something, and since then it seems her interest has waned. But that day it most certainly was there. I felt it. And I know I wasn't imagining things. She is involved with someone casually (male) but she was also dating him and one other man casually when we had our little get together. So I don't see where that much has changed as far as that aspect of things. She has stopped confiding in me. No more touches, no more hugs. She never talks about getting together and when I have tried to get her to go to lunch or do other things with me she just shows very little interest. We actually have gone to lunch a couple of times and gotten together one time since that other day. . . she seemed to have a great time and was telling me "I just love you " in regards to something we were laughing about . So she's definitely still friendly/warm to me but I have to initiate and practically nag her to do anything and so it is not worth it. She's also made a couple of remarks about herself just not being a very nice person. Which I am starting to see as far as her other relationships/friendships go. She doesn't seem to stay close to anyone or keep anyone in her life. It's like one of these people who has hundreds and hundreds of "friends" but none of them are kept very close. If I message her I frequently don't hear back at all. So I have stopped for the most part. I've even felt a little angered at times. There was one night I was having an awful time at home and my husband and I were fighting. I messaged her just the way you would message a friend to tell her I was having a rotten time. I knew she saw the message because Facebook shows you when something has been read, but she never even responded. I am pretty sad about the whole thing, if not only because I was attracted to her I really did like her as a friend and wanted her in my life, but if someone won't make themselves present in your life what can you do about it?? This may seem like a silly analogy because nothing that extreme really happened, but it felt to me almost similar to a one night stand where one person is way more emotionally invested in the situation and the other person basically stamps on their heart and walks off like nothing happened. Part of me is like "how dare she act like nothing happened between us that day? It most certainly did." And frankly she was the one that started this whole thing with acting overtly friendly and flirtatious with me at work. Had she not done this I don't think I ever would've taken notice.
  23. Just watched night match for the U.S Open tennis tourney. OMG I have such a crush on Maria Sharapova. She was wearing the cutest black tennis dress, it was perfect . She looked so glorious and OH MY GOD, those long luscious legs are soooooo sexy. How I'd love to be able to kiss my way all the way up those legs to where they meet. . So it got me wondering , who are the other female athletes that you all are crushing on?
  24. This is gonna be a long one... So, the past couple of days, my mind has been reeling. Saturday night, we went to a local show with two other couples whom we've been close friends with for a while, and three other girl friends (one being my neighbor). One of those couples is my long-time crush and her boyfriend. The first time I met her, I was smitten by her, and the second time, I found out she's bi (but she was just beginning to date her now boyfriend so I never made a move). Over the past 3 years, we've flirted off and on (I've posted about several of those times before), and on occasion I've thought that maybe she returned the attraction, but ultimately I would just get frustrated with how nothing seemed to be going anywhere, and give up. Until the next time we flirted, and I was stuck all over again. I'm still not sure if it will go anywhere further, but Saturday was a start. Husband and I got to the show, and she was already rather drunk and giggly. We sat and chatted while we smoked for a while, then I went inside to watch some of the show. After a while, all of us wandered out back to the patio to smoke, and husband was cuddling on a couch with her boyfriend (a usual occurrence), and she was sitting on a bench with the another girl, so there was no place for me to sit. So she told me to sit on her lap. I sat down, and she started rubbing my back. We all talked and laughed, there was a group of about 9 of us. I don't remember the context, but at one point her boyfriend told me that he was gonna take my husband. So i told him "okay, but then I get your girlfriend!" And she said "yeah, if you get each other, then we get each other". After a while, she pulled me in closer, and would occasionally kiss my shoulder, then my cheek, then my head, play with my hair, etc. As we all talked, I'd turn and kiss her cheek too. The cheek/head kissing became more frequent and we were basically going back and forth kissing each other's cheeks. At one point, our lips touched slightly, and my heart jumped a bit. I figured it was an accident. Then... nope, not an accident. She went straight for my lips the next time. So dropped my half-burnt cigarette and turned my head toward her (as I'm sprawled over her lap, my legs extended forward in an awkward and slightly uncomfortable position, but i wasn't about to move and let this stop due to mild discomfort), and kissed her, directly and deliberately. This turned into a full on makeout session. We kissed, lips, face, neck, as we stroked each other's hair and held each other's faces. Eventually, her hand slowly descended to my waistline as she lightly stroked my side and stomach. My shirt came up a little, and she found skin. Then i felt her fingers slip into the waistline of my leggings and she grazed my hip bone and lower abdomen gently. I was dying, and i felt a sigh escape from my mouth. Eventually I turned and faced her, still making out. I felt her hand make it's way to my left breast, and she timidly groped it. I put my hand on hers and squeezed her hand onto it firmly, letting her know I was digging the way she was touching me. At one point, I remember stopping and whispering in her ear "I've been wanting this for so long.." and she giggled and pulled my mouth to hers again. A few minutes later she whispered "I think this is a few years overdue.." and I agreed. I really wasn't paying attention to what all was going on around us, and I didn't care. I hadn't tasted these lips in over 2 years, and even then, it was the outcome of her drunk boyfriend telling us to kiss, not just something that happened on its own. I do know that the girl from the third couple was sitting next to us, and her friend was sitting on her lap, I think they were making out too, but I'm not sure. I could hear her boyfriend and my husband and everyone else talking and laughing, but I didn't care what they were saying. The next thing I knew, her boyfriend was inviting us back to their place to continue. So we broke from the makeout session and made our way to the bar. There was a bench adjacent to the end of the bar, and she sat down on it, and pulled me back onto her lap, and the kissing continued. Her boyfriend got us all shots, and after taking them, and discussing going back to their place we continued kissing. It's like we couldn't all get our shit together long enough to actually leave. At one point, as i was sitting on her lap, with her stroking my body, he asked me if I was going to fuck his girlfriend. I remembered we had our neighbor who'd ridden with us, and I figured she'd probably want to go home rather than hang out at a house with a couple of people, while 4 others were in the other room having sex. I got bold, and said "if not tonight, then soon". And she and i resumed kissing. Finally the entire group joined us at the bar, and we closed our tabs and hung around for a bit. Then he said "okay, are we gonna go back to our place so you can fuck my girlfriend, or what?" (I might add, this is the same guy who I didn't think would be okay with me making a move on her, so it took me 3 years to do so... 3 years of wishing he'd let me be the exception to his "no fucking anyone else" rule, and ask of a sudden HE'S PUSHING FOR IT). So we stood up, and she and i continued to kiss as everyone else shuffled out the door. She laced her fingers between mine, and we walked out together holding hands. It felt amazing. We kissed goodbye, intensely, and they walked to their house as we drove our neighbor home. I literally have no idea where the other couple and their friend went, but for some reason i assumed they were going back to their own house for some sexy time of their own. When we got home, i was literally yelling to my husband that WE HAVE TO GO, NOW! So we said our goodbyes to our neighbor and went to my crush and her boyfriend's house. This is where it all fell apart. We got there maybe 30-40 minutes after leaving the bar. They had a few minute walk, so they got there significantly before we did. There's a no-knocking policy when we go to each other's houses, because we're just that close (we even have a key, which came in handy a bit later). So husband and I walked in, and she was passed out on her bed. Damnit. So we walked to the back of the house, and her boyfriend was puking his brains out outside. Soooo, I knew nothing was happening that night. We took care of him, got him water, tied his hair back, and helped him puke as much as he could. Then we walked him into their bedroom and put him to bed with a trashcan beside the bed. I walked over to her side of the bed and kissed her shoulder,and told her goodnight. She stirred a bit. Then we walked out the front door, and locked it, assuming everyone who lived there was inside (MISTAKE!). We sat on the porch for a minute, having a cigarette, when her boyfriend's sister walked up. We'd locked the doorknob, which can only be unlocked from the inside. So she was locked out. Luckily, the back door takes the same key, so husband jumped the privacy fence and got in the back, and let her in the front. Meanwhile, his sister told me that on the walk home, he saw a party and wanted to go, even though they didn't know anyone (it's a college town and they live in a predominately student neighborhood). The girls got annoyed and just kept walking, and when they got back, my crush was so mad at him, and drunk and sad that she just laid down to go to bed. Apparently he still got home before we got there, so that's the situation we walked into. I had to work yesterday, and husband, her boyfriend, dude from the other couple, and the drummer from the band we went to see the night before had their own band practice yesterday afternoon at my crush's house. I HATE the weekends I work, because band practice is the one definite day I get to just veg out with her and talk, watch tv, and occasionally nurse hangovers, and I only get to enjoy that every other Sunday, since I work a 2-week rotating schedule where one week I have weekends off, the next I work all weekend. I wanted so bad to be able to go there yesterday and see if any talk of the night before came up, or if possibly the kissing/cuddling continued. She texted yesterday morning and apologized for falling asleep and that it was because she was sad/mad at boyfriend for trying to go to a random college party (we're older than college age haha) and said she'd had a really great time at the show. Soooo did I. Yesterday afternoon when my husband came to pick me up from work, he told me that he, my crush, and her boyfriend were talking, and her boyfriend told her "so, you seemed to be getting pretty handsy with Mrs [Ambrosia]... do you remember that?". Husband said she giggled, blushed, said "well.. no, yes, I don't know, shut up, okay yes.." and giggled some more. Apparently he felt the need to prove it to her, and threw his phone over to her to show her a text I'd sent him that said "dude, not gonna lie, I've been wet all day. She kept sliding her fingers into my pants and grazing my hip and stomach and groping my boob". I was mildly mortified temporarily, and he was instantly regretful and apologized for breaking my trust. He explained that he and her boyfriend at this point are on the same page, and are pushing for something to happen between us, and that's why he showed her, but immediately after he did, he regretted it. I was mad at first, then I was like... fuck it. I asked how she responded to the text, and he said she giggled a lot, and seemed happy about it. So at this point, I'm glad he showed her. I sure as hell probably wouldn't have gotten up the nerve to tell her that the way she was touching me made me want her so badly. She made all of the first moves, she knows I love being intimate with women, so why shouldn't she know that she'd made me wet when she was putting her fingers into my pants, stroking the skin just inches from my pussy? Comments about the two of us fucking were flying around all night, she heard me say that I'd fuck her if I got the chance. I'm pretty sure this 3 year old cat is out of the bag at this point. So who knows where it will go from here. It could be the beginning of something amazing, or it could make the friendship weird. Or it could change nothing. I really don't think it will hurt our relationship. She knows I've messed around with other friends, and those friendships are still strong. My mind is floating. I don't want to text her yet, because I don't want to be overbearing. But I'm dying to see her. I want to talk about it. For 3 years, I've wanted this. I've wanted to kiss her, and more, but I've always been afraid of pissing her boyfriend off by breaking his trust, or that I was misreading signals and would freak her out if I made a move. But she did it all for me, and I'm like.. 99.9% certain that I probably have his blessing. In addition, I realized last night that this happened exactly a week after I'd told her about my other friend telling me she and her boyfriend were into group sex, and that I was possibly going to take her up on that. Whether that was coincidence, or deliberate, I don't know. Did telling her possibly get her mind thinking that if we'd be up for it with another couple, that we'd be up for it with them too? Jesus, my head is in the clouds.
  25. This is a strange problem to have.. haha. So, my long-time crush/close friend and i have recently started banging (FINALLY). The catch... she and her fiance were pretty new to even considering stuff like this, and he (hopefully for now,maybe later) isn't okay with one-on-one stuff (unless he'll eventually be involved). Anyway, we've done it twice, and the first time my husband felt like he was being ignored because she and i were all over each other (but hello, we pulled you in to begin with, so maybe take initiative in whatever way you can rather than expecting two people who have wanted each other for a while and finally got it to not be all over each other.. anyway....). He and i discussed it, she and i discussed it, and they discussed it, and she and i both want to try to include them more. Husband did feel more involved this past time.. i tried to make sure i payed attention to him. Pretty sure I still failed, but he's totally at peace with what's been happening now. As far as he's said/acted. So that's good. Never thought I'd say this before experiencing it, but i enjoy having the guys with us.. i feel emotionally closer to all of them, even though I'm not sexually attracted nor physically involved with fiance. I'm emotionally attached to both of them (well, all three including my husband) and sleeping with them has strengthened the feelings i have towards them. I just feel like i need to get the newness out of the way, enjoy only her, then bring them in. But how do you address that? Without coming across as "yeah, so i wanna take your fiance from you for a while and have my way with her" (which i guess is what want ugh this is really weird). I sent him a tipsy text shortly after we left their house last night, haven't heard back yet (they go to bed super early on weeknights so he probably hasn't gotten it) : [Fiance's name] ! Hello. Awkward apologies that i never thought I'd be sending... I'm sorry for basically hogging [crush] last night/this morning. It's all super new, and i keep getting wrapped up and not paying attention and I'm sorry. We value your friendships a lot, and i really don't wanna cause problems or jealousy between any of us. [Husband] and i had discussed guidelines for situations like this a long time ago, so we're pretty much on the same page about how things go, but i want to make certain to never overstep your comfort level. Also, awkward statement i never thought I'd make.. i enjoy having you boys involved, and I'd like to be better about it in the future. Also, thank you for being open enough to even be okay with it.. most guys aren't so understanding and secure, and i think that's really cool about both you and [husband]. I'm into his fiance, and I'm pretty sure she's into me beyond just fucking. But i don't ever want to leave my husband for her, nor would i ever want them to split up. Their happiness together makes me even happier. How do you explain this to a hetero man, committed to a bi woman? How do you make them feel welcomed into the magnetic sexual connection we have together? I love them all, each in different ways and don't want to hurt any of them. Anyway. How do we make this work? How can we involve them more? How can i explain myself, that it's new and exciting for she and i, that we need to push through the newness and excitement of finally sleeping with her to get to an even place? I think we need a group talk... but i wouldn't know how to bring it up or what to say.