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Found 8 results

  1. So..... I found out that my husband has been texting and flirting pretty hard core with other women.... I think it's best for us to get divorced. We're better friends than lovers. I don't want to go bankrupt or lose him completely, though. How do I go through with getting a divorce? Any suggests on ending it amicably? I just found so the texts and I feel so sick. .. how do i even bring it up with him?
  2. I came across this article which reckons only 17% of marriages last over three years after a spouse comes out as gay or bisexual. I'm in a bi group and this seems to be accurate among the ladies I know, even those with husbands who were initially fantastically supportive. I think the quality/happiness of a marriage should also be considered, not just if you end up together or not. Also, the divorce rate for heterosexual couples isn't zero, so one person being bi isn't ever the only factor in a divorce. Do do you think this is accurate? Do statistics like these even matter? According to the Straight Spouse Network, it is estimated that there are up to 2 million mixed orientation couples. According to Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network, "When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce; the remaining third try to make their marriages work. A half of these couples divorce, while half of them (17% of the total) stay together for three or more years." The Family Pride Coalition compiled the following statistics: 20 percent of all gay men in America are in a heterosexual marriage. 50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children. 40 percent of all lesbians in America are married to a male partner. 75 percent of all lesbians have children.
  3. Anyone else going through or have been through a divorce that would like to share their experience? I've been going through a dragged out one for over a year now, getting down to the final stages with property. I'm the one who initiated it because I no longer wish to be with men, and it's not fair to him. I have the kids nearly full-time, even though the court says we each have 50/50 while he still lives in the house (which should be changing quick). I work very hard (not my dream jobs) but have many financial fears, and also just keeping it all together. Would love friends now to to discuss this emotionally taxing topic with, either here or in a pm. Thank you.
  4. I'm 24 and currently in the process of divorcing my husband (whom I love very much but it just isn't working) I'm bi curious but only my husband and my best friend know. I want to meet women like me but I have no idea where to start, and a huge fear of coming out.
  5. Hello Family, It's been a long time since I've been here. A lot has happened in my life. I met a beautiful woman (here), and since the first time we made love..........things have happened fast. Nothing that we initially decided upon in the relationship rules has stood. We had a friend/lover (aka friends with benefits) kind of relationship that changed pretty much within the first 30 days to something much more than we ever anticipated. We have changed so much, but I am happy to be in this place right now. It hasn't been without bumps, bruises, and some drama.............but we are still here. I noted a few things about my journey about going from being bi-curious to bi-sexual and married, to bi-sexual and in a committed relationship with a bi partner. Hopefully my "Mid-Life Kink" experiences will inspire others. . Life Changes I am in love with my partner, and we have come out to a few of our close associates. We both have divorced, at different times and for different reasons (she initiated hers, my husband initiated mines).........I have moved in the short-term to another state (our already long distance relationship is longer...but we are putting in the work to make it work for us). I cut my hair...........new life, new hairstyle. Transition Transitioning and being bi (having been heterosexual, married, and have adult kids) is kind of difficult. I feel strange, but free. Deciding who to tell about my new partner, when to tell, and how much to tell is something I've never had to worry about before. As a free-spirit, open-being...........I have a hard time trying to explain to people about who I am now because of the homophobic rhetoric and cultural issues. Evolution I am evolving each day. Learning about my new beautiful partner. Learning how to share my life with a woman. Learning how to love and be loved by a woman (which feels so good I must say). We have so many things in common. She is a great lover and friend. Loyal and dedicated. I feel blessed to have someone so kind, thoughtful and most importantly is keenly aware of what this woman needs. It is so much different from being with a man............or a bad partner. I feel as though I am evolving into who I should become at this stage in life. I am sad that I didn't learn this about myself until I turned 45 years old. No matter the age, it is never too late to learn, change, and evolve. I am planning to live my best life now..........with her. Navigation It's been a very long time since I've dated. Having to get to know a person (and be vulnerable so that my partner can learn me) is challenging at times. I (we) have rolled up our sleeves and committed to doing the work. Learning how to communicate with each other, reading body language, listening for tone changes..................it feel so natural. Again, not like having to guess what's on a man's mind, what did he mean by his actions, etc? It's night and day...........but still the newness of navigating "woman speak" is new and an adventure to say the least. I am glad I have a patient, respectful lover and partner who is as vested in us as I am. Imperfectly Perfect It means just what it says. We are two imperfect people, attempting to have an imperfect relationship.............and that's PERFECT! Imperfect bodies (middle-aged women will know what I mean), imperfect lives, imperfect characteristics. We are flawed. We know it, we appreciate it, and we respect these things about ourselves. We live day to day, and we don't place any undue expectations on each other or the relationship. We are able to live our lives, learn about each other, and cultivate the relationship. Stop looking for perfect, it does not exist. Perfect for you does............go find it. Sex The sex is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is AWESOME!!! We try new things, we sext, we have the some of the same "risque" desires which is so liberating. No boring...........conventional, missionary sex! We are spontaneous and we both like that. We are hitting on all cylinders in the sex department. I discovered her honey hole..............and I haven't looked back. Can't stop...............won't stop! Middle-aged sex is the best sex of my life! Friendships Since we have come out to some of our friends...........we have received mixed reviews. Some long time friends are happy..........understood how miserable we each were, and approve of our happiness. One or two of our friends (hers) are confused.......are more concerned about marriage facades, children unable to bounce back from divorced parents..............financial implications rather than emotional well-being. Then we have long-time friends who are territorial about another female taking her place, wanting to know how they and their friendship is going to fit into this new relationship situation. My bestie imposed physical contact preferences so that "she" wouldn't be uncomfortable. Who does that? Another friend of my partner is jealous because now my partner isn't as "fun" and "available" (the friends' words) as she used to be. As long as she and her friend were able to vent about how horrible their marriages were, it was fine. Now that my partner is deciding to take a risk and do something with her personal life (besides wallow in misery), her friend is can't deal anymore. Each one of us (my partner and I) had a friend that was kind of upset because we weren't sexually attracted to them.........go freakin figure! While the good coming out situations were good, the bad situations were (and still are) really taxing and draining to both of us. If I have rules, then she too has rules. If her friends are unhappy, which makes her unhappy, then I too shall be unhappy. I had no clue women could be so bitchy and territorial when their friends come out as Bi or lesbian. These situations have really opened my eyes to how selfish, mean, and territorial some women can be to their bi-curious and bi-sexual friends. Still learning how to navigate these minefields. but we aren't letting anything deter us. You'd figure at mid-life you'd be done with childish shenanigans.............the actions of people never ceases to amaze me. Communication I have learned how vital communication is again. After being in a long marriage where I wasn't able to share my feelings, I am in one where I can share any thought I choose. I am finding out how important communication is, especially in a long distance relationship. Communicating throughout the day maintains our emotional and mental connections, even when physical connections/intimacy isn't possible. I value and treasure my communication channels with my new love. If it ever changes,,,,,,,,,,I will know there is a dead cat on the line! At this point in my life, I've learned that communication is vital for relationship sustainability. Stop talking, the relationship dies. Period. And lastly, Vulnerability I have had to learn to be vulnerable. Having been a foster kid...........I had learned to detach and not show feelings or emotions. It was a coping mechanism. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. With my new partner, I decided even before finding her.............I wanted a partner that I could trust. One that I could be vulnerable to and with. I have had a few moments that I had to allow myself to be vulnerable to my partner. She was right there for me. Supportive all the way, all awhile understanding how different and hard it was for me. I appreciated that about her.....and it made me love her even more. It's going to be a long road, and a slow road, But I am happy to be on it. She has a good spirit, and the right spirit. I know deep down I made the right decision. At this stage in my life I have withheld my feelings and emotions, cared for others and been neglected. I now what I have so missed. I am happy thus far with myself. Again, I don't have any expectations, I just know what I need. I am pleased with the results. I hope those older women here on Shybi are able to find and enjoy this other side that has been dormant for so long. Live, laugh, and love. Take a risk, and don't beat yourselves up if you make the wrong choice. This is a great place to learn and teach. You are not the only one feeling the way you feel. Congratulations for taking steps to achieve your happiness! Middle-age doesn't have to mean death........................it could be new life. Best Wishes, DIY Queen
  6. So, after months of not really having anything more than a few nibbles on various sites, I found a woman whose conversation I really like. We "met" online on Monday and haven't stopped talking since. For the past two nights, we've been on the phone for hours, last night being a nearly four hour long conversation. She's not my exact type, per se, but there's a feeling of a connection there. I think about her often during the day and can't wait for her texts. She's about 2.5 hours away from me, in San Diego, and coincidentally we'll be there for a week next month. I really dig her. My husband is not too happy. After giving me "permission" to speak to other women in a more than friend way, he's now freaking out. Throughout the week I've attempted to be honest with him, to which he replies, "I don't want to hear it right now." Okay. Fine. Then last night, she wanted to chat. It was around 9pm, I don't have kids and my husband is knocking out already at that time to get up early in the morning, but last night, he was still semi-awake. She and I talked from 9pm-1am, with me being in the living room. At one point he must have gotten up and overhead our conversation. Now, he agreed to let me talk to a woman in a sexual way, if I must, but that meeting a woman would require much more talking before he'd give me "permission" to do so. Around 1am, he gets up and leaves the house to throw the trash and check on his car. He NEVER does that. Then, as I go to bed and he's not talking to me, he clings to the edge of his side of the bed to create an obvious distance from me. Throughout the night, he arbitrarily repeats things he must have overheard me saying, "The ball is in your court." I guess I said that to her about possibly hanging out? She and I have agreed to at least a friendship though, nothing more. He muttered some other things but I was drifting to sleep, mainly happily hungover from still talking to her. Then first thing morning as he was leaving, he said, "Guess you're making plans to shoot pool with her or go hang out a comedy club" and some other things I was too sleepy to pay attention to, but as he was walking out of the house, he mentioned getting a divorce. I'm...at a loss. Apart of me still feels awful, like I'm being selfish (for wanting to be w/a woman while married). Like I want my cake and eat it, too. He, however, did agree that I can TALK to a women in a more than friend way, going into a sexual nature. That's not how she and I were talking. He also agreed if I wanted to meet anyone, he'd consider it. Just last week he asked me, "Are you talking to these women to try and see if you want to hook-up with them or to confirm you're bi?" And he said it in a very loving, reassuring tone that he's on board for all of this. Now this? And there's apart of me that doesn't care. He's too back and forth and I'm tired of it. I'm honest w/him, it's not like we have kids and I'm taking time away from them, and I've been talking to her while he's asleep so it doesn't take time away from him, but all I can think about is how much I enjoy talking to her. I guess I'm just venting. I really don't know how to react to him, now. Not sure if I'll hear from him all day. I think I'm sure I'll hear the divorce word dropped again.
  7. My husband left me about 6 months ago... and the pain still seems so fresh! Just when I think I'm getting better something comes along and slams me backwards! I didn't see it coming, and to be honest I can't even recognize him right now because he's just so angry and fighting his own painful demons... I know I can't save him ~ I'm actually moving 500 miles away from home in a month so he can finish getting our house ready for sale and I can get some space... and getting ready to leave makes everything seem so final! I've known him for almost 30 years and the thought of moving on without him with me is unbearable. How do I make it through this? How do I move on without the person I love?
  8. So I'm separating from my husband and divorcing. He's all over the place. He's either crying or hates me. He's having a very hard time letting go and I understand that, but I can't stay around just to please him. We'll be miserable (like we've been). I've been out of work and literally not one dollar to my name...I accept I got myself in this spot, relying on my husband and I'll have to learn the lessons to never be put in this position again. Today, I asked my mom if I could sleep at my parents place for two nights while I get my place ready with my relatives. She said, "Well, your dad is on vacation and you can be loud. You ain't quiet. I don't think it would be very comfortable for him." I damn nearly started crying. My parents have always told me "you're too this or you're too that." Usually, it's that I make them uncomfortable because I'm loud and laugh too loudly or something. I love my parents, but I find myself trying to appease them by acting accordingly in their home. And this means taking myself down a notch, so as to not offend them or be judged/criticized in anyway. I find myself in the same types of relationships w/women: lowering myself to suit them, trying to appease them and win their love. For the most part, I choose emotionally unavailable women. I don't know what to think about my parents. I found myself holding back tears and once I got back to my place, I collapsed on the floor and cried. Their daughter is going through the hardest time in her life. Ending a marriage, no job, panic and anxiety attacks(last week had to circle around the hospital for 30 minutes so I could calm down and not think I was dying) and questioning her sexuality (which I'm still not comfortable with). Telling me that I'd make them uncomfortable brought back flashbacks of when as a small kid, they'd kick me out of bed and just cuddle with my brother. I made them uncomfortable by taking up room in their bed (they said). I'd slink off crying to myself and weep softly so they couldn't hear me, while they laughed with my little bro. Later, I grew up and learned to cry in the shower, never bringing attention to myself...if I were to get caught crying, it would be a barrage of questions as to why and then criticized and judged for the answer. I don't know how to feel about this. They aren't responsible for me. I'm 35 and have made my choices and now need to get myself out of the predicament... but everyone in my life tells me my parents treat me poorly. I don't know what to think or feel. Am I asking too much?" Last week, I got in trouble for telling my nephew I wasn't going to buy him a laptop for Christmas. In the mean time, my brother (the father of this nephew) dumped all 4 of his kids to live w/my parents because they couldn't care for them anymore. My bro and his wife smoke weed around the kids, buy food for themselves while the kids get top ramen, splurged the $17,000 they rec'd (illegally) in a tax refund and scam the welfare dept and on and on and on...my bro and his wife came to visit their kids for about an hour or two over the weekend and my dad actually went to go pick them up (the car they splurged that $17K with is now in the process of being repo'd and reported as stolen) and took them out to eat, brought them back to the house to visit the kids (while my bro played video games) and then took them home. Not a word. Yet, I have to tiptoe around my parents and please them with my personality or I will get ostracized or ignored as a punishment. I mean, my dad and I got into an argument because I couldn't buy my nephew a laptop and he called me an inconsistent aunt I'm big on manners and if I have tried to get my nieces and nephews to say "Please and thank you", my dad will tell them, "You don't need to say that to her." If I try talking to my mom about personal matters, my dad barks at her about something. I can't get 5 minutes with her. Even then, my mom rarely asks about me. She dumps on me about her own issues (mainly about my bro and dad) for hours on end- literally- and will maybe ask ONCE about me. Last month at a lunch, my grandma and aunt went with my mom and I. My mom talked about herself the entire time. At the end, my Aunt looked at me and said, "I'm sorry honey, we never once asked about all you're going through. How did that make you feel?" I almost cried at the table. She threw me off. Someone asking about me in a sincere way, confuses me. I didn't know how to answer and I told her, "Ummm...I think I'm gonna cry." My mom just kinda sat there. Is it me? Is it my family? I don't know what's fair. Am I being fair to them? Expecting too much out of them? I know I keep picking the same emotionally unavailable women. I pick stronger women to help "take care of me." I think I want them to take care of me, because my mom never defended me against my dad. My dad raised me like the boy, although I'm feminine, and he'd argue with me even at a young age and my mom would just sit there. She still does that to do this day. Mainly defending him. Gosh. I'm upset. After she told me that today, that I'm too loud and it would make my dad uncomfortable, I came back to my place and collapsed on the floor and cried. The relative I'm moving in with said she's glad to have me and I've never been a burden. Everyone else says this too. I try not to put anyone out and respect everyone's feelings. It feels like the only people who feel this way...are my parents.