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Found 7 results

  1. I came across this article which reckons only 17% of marriages last over three years after a spouse comes out as gay or bisexual. I'm in a bi group and this seems to be accurate among the ladies I know, even those with husbands who were initially fantastically supportive. I think the quality/happiness of a marriage should also be considered, not just if you end up together or not. Also, the divorce rate for heterosexual couples isn't zero, so one person being bi isn't ever the only factor in a divorce. Do do you think this is accurate? Do statistics like these even matter? According to the Straight Spouse Network, it is estimated that there are up to 2 million mixed orientation couples. According to Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network, "When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce; the remaining third try to make their marriages work. A half of these couples divorce, while half of them (17% of the total) stay together for three or more years." The Family Pride Coalition compiled the following statistics: 20 percent of all gay men in America are in a heterosexual marriage. 50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children. 40 percent of all lesbians in America are married to a male partner. 75 percent of all lesbians have children.
  2. I'm on the brink of divorce for two really good reasons, yet I find myself frozen in this moment, afraid to take next steps. Reason #1: Husband is narcissistic, has anger issues, and is emotionally abusive. His anger resulted in his making threats, which I do not believe he'd execute, but you never know. I have enabled him to plaxe blame on me, and I struggle to change the dynamic between us. Despite really good therapy, we need more progress here. Reason #2: After telling same husband that I am fluid and curious, and wanting to be with a woman, husband states he will never ever be ok with me exploring. This is not ok with me. I cling to a hope/fantasy that he will magically see the value in letting me explore this part of me. I must be delusional, or living in some dream place. But here is where I am! This should be a no-brainer, but I just can't seem to get past this moment. Maybe it's the nearly 30 years of marriage, and otherwise good life, and the realization that I could just be alone, maybe forever.. If you've been here, how did you push through? What advice do you have to get me un-stuck? I would really like to move forward, but only in a direction I want to go in, if that makes sense. There are more details, so let me know if you want more background info. Thank you!
  3. Hello! I'm getting close to three years now of a dragged out divorce. My husband and I still live together (separate rooms for years) and are finally in agreement to most things. He has a job where he is only at the house on the weekends and it's been this way for our entire 18 year marriage. The house has been on the market for a few months with only one contingency offer we both refuse. Right now our home is way out in the country on 10 acres, and with work and our kids school, plus after school stuff we'd like to live closer to town. He's already been prequalified to buy another home, but I'm not sure I can get qualified now as I've been a self-employed contractor for years, and now down to just one contract. Working like that for me has allowed me to work around the kids schedule, and raise them pretty much alone all their lives, as they mainly get to see him only on the weekends. The price of homes and rent has shot up through the roof here where we live so I'm a bit worried for me and the kids. I'm looking for more work and looking into graduate school for the next two years so I can get a job teaching secondary school. I'm sort of thinking about suggesting that my soon to be ex husband and I invest in a property with two small houses, a granny unit, or even a condo with separate living arrangements just to make it more financially feasible for me to live until I get a better job. The pros would be that it save me money, he wouldn't have to pay child support as he'd be paying most of the mortgage, it be easier for the kids to see him, and our pets could stay together. The cons are that I'm still depending on him when I'd rather not, I wish I could be totally on my own but doing this I wouldn't be, and I'm also a bit concerned about dating. We both date, so not sure how awkward that be. I'd also want to know how another woman or potential partner for me would feel about having my ex live on the same property as me. How would you feel if you started seeing a woman in my shoes? Would it seem awkward or uncomfortable knowing that she is still friends with her ex and they co-own property together for the sake of kids and to save money? I've heard of other couples who get along well even after divorce living like this. It's not like a poly thing, and I don't want it to be viewed like this. It's just a temporary convenience. What do you think?
  4. So..... I found out that my husband has been texting and flirting pretty hard core with other women.... I think it's best for us to get divorced. We're better friends than lovers. I don't want to go bankrupt or lose him completely, though. How do I go through with getting a divorce? Any suggests on ending it amicably? I just found so the texts and I feel so sick. .. how do i even bring it up with him?
  5. Anyone else going through or have been through a divorce that would like to share their experience? I've been going through a dragged out one for over a year now, getting down to the final stages with property. I'm the one who initiated it because I no longer wish to be with men, and it's not fair to him. I have the kids nearly full-time, even though the court says we each have 50/50 while he still lives in the house (which should be changing quick). I work very hard (not my dream jobs) but have many financial fears, and also just keeping it all together. Would love friends now to to discuss this emotionally taxing topic with, either here or in a pm. Thank you.
  6. I'm 24 and currently in the process of divorcing my husband (whom I love very much but it just isn't working) I'm bi curious but only my husband and my best friend know. I want to meet women like me but I have no idea where to start, and a huge fear of coming out.
  7. Hello Family, It's been a long time since I've been here. A lot has happened in my life. I met a beautiful woman (here), and since the first time we made love..........things have happened fast. Nothing that we initially decided upon in the relationship rules has stood. We had a friend/lover (aka friends with benefits) kind of relationship that changed pretty much within the first 30 days to something much more than we ever anticipated. We have changed so much, but I am happy to be in this place right now. It hasn't been without bumps, bruises, and some drama.............but we are still here. I noted a few things about my journey about going from being bi-curious to bi-sexual and married, to bi-sexual and in a committed relationship with a bi partner. Hopefully my "Mid-Life Kink" experiences will inspire others. . Life Changes I am in love with my partner, and we have come out to a few of our close associates. We both have divorced, at different times and for different reasons (she initiated hers, my husband initiated mines).........I have moved in the short-term to another state (our already long distance relationship is longer...but we are putting in the work to make it work for us). I cut my hair...........new life, new hairstyle. Transition Transitioning and being bi (having been heterosexual, married, and have adult kids) is kind of difficult. I feel strange, but free. Deciding who to tell about my new partner, when to tell, and how much to tell is something I've never had to worry about before. As a free-spirit, open-being...........I have a hard time trying to explain to people about who I am now because of the homophobic rhetoric and cultural issues. Evolution I am evolving each day. Learning about my new beautiful partner. Learning how to share my life with a woman. Learning how to love and be loved by a woman (which feels so good I must say). We have so many things in common. She is a great lover and friend. Loyal and dedicated. I feel blessed to have someone so kind, thoughtful and most importantly is keenly aware of what this woman needs. It is so much different from being with a man............or a bad partner. I feel as though I am evolving into who I should become at this stage in life. I am sad that I didn't learn this about myself until I turned 45 years old. No matter the age, it is never too late to learn, change, and evolve. I am planning to live my best life now..........with her. Navigation It's been a very long time since I've dated. Having to get to know a person (and be vulnerable so that my partner can learn me) is challenging at times. I (we) have rolled up our sleeves and committed to doing the work. Learning how to communicate with each other, reading body language, listening for tone changes..................it feel so natural. Again, not like having to guess what's on a man's mind, what did he mean by his actions, etc? It's night and day...........but still the newness of navigating "woman speak" is new and an adventure to say the least. I am glad I have a patient, respectful lover and partner who is as vested in us as I am. Imperfectly Perfect It means just what it says. We are two imperfect people, attempting to have an imperfect relationship.............and that's PERFECT! Imperfect bodies (middle-aged women will know what I mean), imperfect lives, imperfect characteristics. We are flawed. We know it, we appreciate it, and we respect these things about ourselves. We live day to day, and we don't place any undue expectations on each other or the relationship. We are able to live our lives, learn about each other, and cultivate the relationship. Stop looking for perfect, it does not exist. Perfect for you does............go find it. Sex The sex is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is AWESOME!!! We try new things, we sext, we have the some of the same "risque" desires which is so liberating. No boring...........conventional, missionary sex! We are spontaneous and we both like that. We are hitting on all cylinders in the sex department. I discovered her honey hole..............and I haven't looked back. Can't stop...............won't stop! Middle-aged sex is the best sex of my life! Friendships Since we have come out to some of our friends...........we have received mixed reviews. Some long time friends are happy..........understood how miserable we each were, and approve of our happiness. One or two of our friends (hers) are confused.......are more concerned about marriage facades, children unable to bounce back from divorced parents..............financial implications rather than emotional well-being. Then we have long-time friends who are territorial about another female taking her place, wanting to know how they and their friendship is going to fit into this new relationship situation. My bestie imposed physical contact preferences so that "she" wouldn't be uncomfortable. Who does that? Another friend of my partner is jealous because now my partner isn't as "fun" and "available" (the friends' words) as she used to be. As long as she and her friend were able to vent about how horrible their marriages were, it was fine. Now that my partner is deciding to take a risk and do something with her personal life (besides wallow in misery), her friend is can't deal anymore. Each one of us (my partner and I) had a friend that was kind of upset because we weren't sexually attracted to them.........go freakin figure! While the good coming out situations were good, the bad situations were (and still are) really taxing and draining to both of us. If I have rules, then she too has rules. If her friends are unhappy, which makes her unhappy, then I too shall be unhappy. I had no clue women could be so bitchy and territorial when their friends come out as Bi or lesbian. These situations have really opened my eyes to how selfish, mean, and territorial some women can be to their bi-curious and bi-sexual friends. Still learning how to navigate these minefields. but we aren't letting anything deter us. You'd figure at mid-life you'd be done with childish shenanigans.............the actions of people never ceases to amaze me. Communication I have learned how vital communication is again. After being in a long marriage where I wasn't able to share my feelings, I am in one where I can share any thought I choose. I am finding out how important communication is, especially in a long distance relationship. Communicating throughout the day maintains our emotional and mental connections, even when physical connections/intimacy isn't possible. I value and treasure my communication channels with my new love. If it ever changes,,,,,,,,,,I will know there is a dead cat on the line! At this point in my life, I've learned that communication is vital for relationship sustainability. Stop talking, the relationship dies. Period. And lastly, Vulnerability I have had to learn to be vulnerable. Having been a foster kid...........I had learned to detach and not show feelings or emotions. It was a coping mechanism. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. With my new partner, I decided even before finding her.............I wanted a partner that I could trust. One that I could be vulnerable to and with. I have had a few moments that I had to allow myself to be vulnerable to my partner. She was right there for me. Supportive all the way, all awhile understanding how different and hard it was for me. I appreciated that about her.....and it made me love her even more. It's going to be a long road, and a slow road, But I am happy to be on it. She has a good spirit, and the right spirit. I know deep down I made the right decision. At this stage in my life I have withheld my feelings and emotions, cared for others and been neglected. I now what I have so missed. I am happy thus far with myself. Again, I don't have any expectations, I just know what I need. I am pleased with the results. I hope those older women here on Shybi are able to find and enjoy this other side that has been dormant for so long. Live, laugh, and love. Take a risk, and don't beat yourselves up if you make the wrong choice. This is a great place to learn and teach. You are not the only one feeling the way you feel. Congratulations for taking steps to achieve your happiness! Middle-age doesn't have to mean death........................it could be new life. Best Wishes, DIY Queen