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Found 21 results

  1. Hiya! I've just joined and hoping to meet wonderful friends, make bonds and have fun and hopefully not to be too shy for too long.... I am married and not sure if my husband suspects but before he came along I would fantasise over women and occasionally watch female porn. Its hard to explain but I didnt know if there was something wrong with me but over cocktails with uni friends years ago I admitted this. No surprise I dont see thar friend anymore, I mean really? Sorry if this all sounds bad but though I am friends with hubby, I am not in love with him. He would die for me but I already know I want a divorce and he knows that much. I'm bored as hell and we dont have that special bond I would like and know can have with a female. This isn't about sex..he is well endowed and could please any woman I guess but there's just no fire and conversation is dull! Recently I cut my hair quite short. Its just made me feel sexy and liberated. I felt I needed a change in my life as a busy person, this was the start. Thinking life's too short to be miserable!? I'm not afraid..in London I noticed other females that check me out. I'm just a bit shy off what to do next??
  2. How do you guys deal with trying to get over a crush that you know won't work out? Especially when it's on your friend? A while ago I posted asking for advice about how to tell my friend I was interested in her. Long story short, she didn't return my feelings and she is straight. That happened about three months ago. It's okay though. We're still friends and nothing has changed about the dynamic of our relationship, which is a relief. Actually, my feelings for her have faded in terms of physically and mentally reacting to her--thinking about her all the time, not being able to eat or sleep sometimes (yes, I liked her that much!), etc. Those reactions don't happen anymore. I think I've calmed down a lot because I know there's no chance she could ever like me back. I still notice her beauty etc, but I don't feel a strong desire to be with her anymore. But that's not the crush I'm trying to get over (just figured I'd provide an update on that situation). This crush is on someone different. We'll call her Nora, who I've known for a couple months. We're friends. We lived together while we were both studying abroad in the same place. This crush isn't nearly as intense as my previous one was. I do think about Nora a lot. But the main issue is that my interactions with her tend to steer my mood in different directions depending on how well these interactions go. It's unsettling. This situation never happened with my previous crush. For example, a while back we were talking and she randomly mentioned she was scared about having to find a job after graduation. I asked her what she meant and she pulled away, saying I didn't have to "dig deep." Which bothered me, because why bring up something like that and then say you don't want to talk about it? I got over it quickly, realizing she isn't obligated to tell me more about stuff like that just because she mentions it. But the next day we had a Skype call with one of our other study abroad roommates (who I'll call Sam) and the entire time she was passive-aggressive and made it clear she didn't want to be there. It was frustrating and saddening. For the entire next week after this event I was feeling down. I replayed everything over and over again and was generally paranoid about the state of our friendship. I wondered if I did anything wrong, if I should stop trying to reach out to her, if she really wanted to be my friend, etc. Then one day she messaged me and we had a great conversation and suddenly life was great. No person has never affected my mood this much. Then yesterday, she messaged me about wanting to attend a comedy special at our university. I got super excited because I thought it was a chance to hang out with her one-on-one, which almost never happens. But then she told me she invited Sam to come with us and instantly I was sad. Not because I dislike Sam--I'm closer to Sam than I am to Nora, actually--but because I wanted to hang out with just Nora, you know? Plus, Nora proactively makes one-on-one plans with Sam all the time, but never does so with me. Which hurts. I don't mind them hanging out one-on-one with each other, but Nora, why not me (Sam and I hang out one-on-one all the time)? Nora doesn't know I'm bi. She actually came close to asking me once but changed her mind at the last second and asked me something else. She may have suspicions about me being bi though, because I've openly voiced my attraction to some female celebrities. And when we lived together, she would nervously tell me not to look at her while she was changing. Which I wasn't doing in the first place--I don't check out anyone while they're changing, even if I find them attractive, that's an invasion of privacy. But that's an example of why I think she may have her suspicions about me. I kinda think she doesn't want to spend one-on-one time with me because she suspects I may like her or try to flirt with her. I do like her, but I try not to flirt with her anymore, because I respect friendship boundaries. I used to flirt with her because it was fun and because I didn't think there was any harm in it. Or that she would even notice. But now I've changed my mind--she may be noticing and it could be making her uncomfortable. I also don't want to flirt with her anymore because I'm trying to get over her. Plus, I'm 99% sure she's straight and I don't want to read into any interactions that may suggest otherwise, because I did that last time and it turned out the girl wasn't into me. I don't want to make the same mistake again. So these are all of my feelings about this girl at the moment. Hopefully the examples illustrate the reasons why I want to get over her--I think about her way too much when there's no way we'll ever be a thing. Any ideas about how to move on? It's really challenging so far, especially because I want to stay friends. Has anyone ever managed to get over a crush--or a crush on a friend--without being rejected by them?
  3. If I don't phone, text or email you, please know you're still in my mind & heart. Which is why I can't contact you. It would hurt too much. It might lessen in time, but, I don't know if it will ever completely go away. If you reach out to me (which I hope that you will), I may not answer or get back with you. Believe me, I want to, more than anything. I'm keeping all of the messages. Even if they seem to be deleted, I saved them elsewhere. Right now, I don't have my phone on much & I'm not checking my email. The phone would probably be the best place,though, when you want to get a hold of me.
  4. About this girl, again. I've had a crush for over 3.5 years, off and on. I've lately been on an "off" streak with her though. Anyway, several months ago, I started disclosing that husband and I aren't monogamous and that I'd discussed doing "stuff" with another coupled friend of mine who also likes women more, but is in a relationship with a man. A few weeks later my crush held my hand on a car ride home, and a couple weeks after that she drunkenly made out with me (I've told that story so many times, even I'm getting sick of hearing it haha). We went several months without discussing it, i thought she didn't remember it, and then one day out of the blue she blindsighted me by bringing it up, told me i was a good kisser, and that she and her fiance had discussed she and i sleeping together, but ultimately he wants to be there and she would rather be alone if we were together. I almost kissed her that day but got scared (of overstepping boundaries/making her fiance mad since there was no definitive agreement on physical touch) and didn't do it, which I'm not sure if I regret or not. Topic dropped, haven't spoken of it since. A couple of months have gone by, and my feelings have (temporarily, I'm guessing) waned. We went out together a few afternoons ago, and talked about just random innocent stuff. I was telling her about one of my best friends who used to claim asexual to avoid being hit on, who I believed was actually asexual until she told me she wasn't. Anyway, i was telling her a random thing about this friend, and how she had a crush on a girl and a guy who look like they could be twins. She said "they should all just be in a polyamorous relationship". Then later at her house, her fiance was youtubing Neil Patrick Harris videos, and she mentioned NPH is her fiance's man crush. He jokingly said she gave him a pass with NPH. She said "we could just be in a polyamorous relationship with him, but he isn't interested in my type (since he's gay)" to which i quickly just stated "hey, it's not always a triad, you can have a V or many other variations". Anyway, nothing too major, i just thought it was funny that she'd brought up poly twice in one day. I'm not thinking too far into it, because as i said, she hasn't been on my mind much lately, but it tickled my brain and made me wonder if poly relationships had been on her mind (not with me specifically) because it's an odd thing to refer to twice in a day when she never has before,or if it was just a random thing. I make weird connections and notice when a topic has been mentioned multiple times whether it's pointless or not, so that might be it. I dunno. Just musing.
  5. About 10 months ago, i made friends with a girl who walked into my bar while i was working. She'd just moved here from out of state and was exploring the city and stumbled upon the place. I thought i caught a "not straight" vibe from her right off, but that day I soon heard her make a remark about how she's not into women, but she'd spend $2 to see boobs (in response to one of our bar regulars saying he'd bought someone a $2 beer to see her boobs), so i pushed any thought i might have out of my head. She's not into women. Then found out a few days later that she was my new neighbor, and we've been super close ever since. She might be my best lady friend right now, actually. She's always loudly proclaimed she was asexual, so I completely believe(d) that. She's always being hit on, by men and women alike, and she's always politely and jokingly deflected any advance. Like, always. She's been on a couple of dates, but never got very excited about them, and always ended anything very quickly. I've never made any advance, by the way, and I often end up running any creeper hitting on her off of i can tell she isn't into it. . Anyway. She's always been very affectionate... it's in her personality. She's that way with almost anyone, if she's friends with them. So it's not just directed at me. She'll always slap my ass, hug me, kiss my cheek, tell me she's gonna fight my husband to the death for me, we're gonna get married, etc. It's all joking. But lately I'm starting to think she's not totally straight/asexual. I say this because... a few weeks ago, one of the bar regulars (a woman) who always hits on her was hugging her goodbye, and sneak kissed her on the lips. Neighbor girl looked shocked/not exactly happy, and said she was not expecting that, while Regular Chick said that was exactly what she intended to do. Which angered me a bit, because Neighbor has turned Regular down multiple times when she's made sexual advances (Regular girl has also informed me that she WILL have sex with me, despite me telling her im not interested... it's a weird scenario, she's very aggressive), and i don't think it's okay for ANYONE to go against someone else's wishes/boundaries, regardless of gender. Again, I'm very protective of Neighbor and get really mad if she's made uncomfortable. Anyway. About a week later, we were drunk and Neighbor was telling me goodbye, and kissed me directly on the lips. Which shocked me (not in a bad way, that's just never happened), but i brushed it off. Then about a week after that, she and i were ordering shots and I was sitting on a barstool with my legs tucked up and my ass kinda in the air, leaning over the bar to order. She slapped my ass, told me how fine it was, and asked me why i "gotta make her question her sexuality" and she's "supposed to be asexual, that's what she tells everyone". And that she's gonna steal me away from my husband. She and my husband are very close also, by the way, so that sort of joking isn't uncommon. I basically brushed that off too, because joking about being in love with me is a thing she does. Anyway, last night, we were out again, and we all got a little crazy. I was flirting super hard all night with my new coworker's girlfriend (who I'm kinda starting to crush on a little bit). I honestly don't remember at all what lead up to this, other than the fact that she was about to leave.... but Neighbor grabbed my face and kissed me again, only this time it wasn't a quick peck, she actually used a little bit of tongue, and made it last for a few seconds. I'm sure we said our goodbyes and "i love you"s afterward, then she left. But i can't completely remember. Is she really asexual/straight? Like, really? I'm not asking because I'm necessarily interested (only because i don't allow myself to have feelings for unavailable people, and when someone states a sexual orientation that indicates i don't fit into their scope of attraction, i take their word..... had i originally not heard her say she wasn't into women/is asexual, I probably would have been somewhat interested). I know most women don't do those things unless they have a reason, but you'd have to know this girl. She's a wildcard. Freespirited, boundary-less, humorous, and outside of social norms. And i don't think she's trying to play head games with me. I know she loves me and wouldn't play games. I've never given her any reason to believe she could, and even if i had, i don't think she would. She's very aware of my bisexuality (I've introduced her to my crush, and afterward she told me my crush was a beautiful woman and she can see why I'm so enamored by her). Is she curious and just comfortable enough with me to feel safe exploring those feelings? Is she really asexual? I know she can have feelings for men because she's had a crush and went on a date (which didn't work out), but I'm guessing that's more emotional than physical, so still within the realm of asexuality. I'm not reeling over this, not like i would had it been my crush saying/doing all of these things. And I'm not curious enough to ask her what's up, because that would probably be weird. I'm just confused and trying to figure it all out. I'm unsure of whether I'd want anything to come of it too, simply because i love that woman to death and would never want to ruin our relationship. She's just really suddenly giving me a "not asexual/straight" vibe again, for the first time since the first i met her and I'm trying to figure it out.
  6. Any advice would be appreciated... As I've written before, I've had a crush on a friend for over 3 years, nearly 4 at this point. I'm not sure if what i was perceiving was actual flirting, or just me wishing it was and projecting my feelings. But since we met, there have been too many instances to ignore where something suggestive has been said about us, or between us, or something has happened. It always seemed like she'd warm up and act flirty for a while, then suddenly cool down. About a year ago, I'd pretty much gotten over my feelings for her, and it stayed that way for several months. Then on NYE this year, she held my hand on the ride home from the party. It sort of resparked my interest, but I was still unsure. I'd been talking to another lady friend of mine about a potential fwb situation, because we're both basically lesbians who fell in love with men who accept and support our sexuality. I'd told my crush about that. Then a month later at a bar, she drunkenly began making out with me, passionately, for a long time, and we almost went back to her house to have sex. It was possibly the most aggressive makeout session I've had with a woman ever. We didn't talk about it for several months, and I got the feeling she didn't remember it, and didn't necessarily mean for it to happen. Our friendship had grown quite a bit, and i was enjoying that, while simultaneously struggling to push my feelings aside and forget what had happened (and what almost happened) between us. I took her out for her birthday in May, and we split a bottle of wine and had an additional glass each, then went to the park to walk around. I don't remember what brought it up, but she mentioned the time we made out, and told me I was really good at it. She then told me that after we made out, she and her fiance had discussed the possibility of she and I having sex, but that she didn't want to have anyone watch (neither do i) and her fiance insisted on being there if it were to happen. *grrrr* She also made certain to let me know she wouldn't feel weird at all about me seeing her naked, just my husband. I failed to mention that it had crossed my mind (a few hundred times) and that my husband and I have discussed it too, and honestly, there was a lot more i wish i would have said but i was in too much shock to think straight. There was a point at the park where i felt such a strong pull to lean in and kiss her, but i was too afraid of how she'd respond. Looking back, i kind of wish i had. I was in a good place for a while, thinking she might want what i want too, and i was willing to be patient and hope that somehow we could all discuss it and figure out a solution. If nothing else, intimacy had at least crossed her mind, which i took as a good sign. One night, about a month ago, she and her fiance came out to the bar i work at while we were just hanging out, and a coworker mentioned how close she was sitting to me, and that it seemed to him that her body language communicated that she reciprocated whatever i was feeling about her. She came over a couple of weeks ago with a bottle of wine, and gave me a little makeup lesson, then she, her fiance, my husband and I went to a work event with her fiance's coworkers at a brewery, then back to their house for a bit. Everything seemed fine then too. Then suddenly, she seems like she's completely gone cold the past couple of weeks. She barely responds to texts (she's always been bad at that anyway), she hasn't initiated any contact or asked to hang out, barely acknowledged my birthday last week and as far as i know, she and her fiance ignored my husband's invitation to come out to celebrate (which only added to the mountain of disappointment i was already experiencing about my birthday), and didn't seem too excited about canoeing a few days after my birthday (though we did try, but the river was too high so we settled for hanging out at a little man-made beach). I don't even feel like we're as close of friends as we were a month ago. I can't think of anything i might have done to upset her, unless she somehow figured out i was crushing on her, and is weirded out by it (although, I'm fairly certain the only way she could have is if she read some of my posts here, which is unlikely, but still possible as she is bisexual also). And I don't want to just ask her and come across as needy and obsessive if I'm just overthinking things. I'm just sick of being confused, sick of the (seemingly) hot and cold, sick of wanting something i probably can't have. I just want to find someone to take my mind off of her. I don't want to keep holding on to something i might be imagining. But if there's a chance, i do want it. What should i do? I'm not good at just cutting off my feelings, and i don't want to lose her friendship by pulling myself back too much (though i have decided I'm going to stop trying to initiate seeing her until she indicates she wants to hang out). I'm just so frustrated. How do you stop wanting someone? Why are there so many mixed signals?
  7. How long did it take to get over the woman who "turned" you? LOL. More accurately coined as your trigger crush; the person who blew you out of the water and left you questioning (if you have one). I love my hubby. I do not want to hurt him, but my feelings for her far outweigh anything I have felt for him. Perhaps it's just the crush talking there. I know it's not fair to him to still be pining after her. So, my question is how long did it take you to get over your trigger crush?
  8. Hey guys! So I know that some of you have seen my last post about me possibly having a girlfriend a few months ago. I was too excited then and wasn't exactly thinking clearly, but here's the deal. The friend from 8th grade that I told you guys I saw again on a dating site listed as bisexual... she and I have made ways to hang out more lately. She's very fun to hang out with, but for the most part, she's horribly immature. She has a huge crush on me, which I was overjoyed about, but it's partly because she's desperate. She's almost 31 and has had little to no romantic relationships ever in life, she's a virgin, lives with her mom, and she has no kids. I'm not saying all this to judge her or bash her, but I have realized that the fact that she's desperate to experience love is obvious and a little... overwhelming for me. To be honest, I don't see myself being with her romantically. She's not my type intellectually. She acts a lot like a 12 year old in public and makes mistakes that in my opinion, shouldn't even be made at her age. I can only enjoy being with her as a FRIEND, but she's still overly excited about doing more with me. She talks about us kissing, going to spas, and dating. (meeting her fam, etc) Perhaps it's the fact that we talk about sex a lot through online chat and share some other freaky things sometimes, but either way, I only ever got horny around her that first time was because like I said, it was new and exciting to even be around her again after so many years. Since then, I haven't gotten that way around her because I am beginning to see her true colors. I'm also finding out that she's nowhere near interested in being polyamorous with me and the hubby, which can only mean that her intentions for being with me aren't pure and honest. She secretly wants to fool around with just me, hoping that somehow, I'll fall for her only and leave my marriage. I have told her quite frequently that I'm not leaving the marriage to pursue a woman, but she acts as if it's a joke sometimes. So as of now, I don't think her intentions are where they should be... the same way mine probably weren't in the beginning, either. I need to figure out how to eventually let her down without hurting her too much. She's very shy and frail in her emotions. Maybe it's partly my fault because I led her on too much at first. I'll admit it. Hey, I jumped the gun too quick. But now, I need to woman up and let her know that I can't be sexual with her just for kicks. I take my relationships seriously and I take sex seriously. I don't want to do something with her that I'll regret because if I do, she'll definitely be way too emotionally attached to me and I won't be able to get rid of her. That being said, I don't want to hurt her too much when the time comes where she starts coming onto me strong. How do I do this? Any help is appreciated. Thanks!
  9. Just had our third meet with the same girl in the last two weeks and it keeps getting better. If I knew threesomes were as good as this I would of started a LONG time ago haha
  10. I found this forum a week ago and have been addicted. A lot of similar stories to mine. Finally decided to join. I've known and been ok but not really out about being bi for about 15 years now. Since that time had a super painful awkward crush on a very close long distance friend and it went horrible when she finally called me out on it and I fessed up. It's been almost 10 years since then and I am still not completely over her. Never believed in soul mates until I met her. I still think she felt similarly but was even more sheltered and could not reciprocate. I was also going crazy with emotions and probably pushed her away with too much. We had a nice chat about 5 years ago basically apologizing to each other for how it all went down and admitting that we've had a lot more experience since. I have gotten married to a man and had a kid since. Love my husband very much, amazing sex, love our family dynamic. We've talked in general about bisexuality and I've been pretty open about believing I only fall in love with individuals and male/female doesnt matter to me at all. I don't fall very often either. Maybe once a year or two. Since being married there was one woman I got close to and she was open about being bi, but it was close to the time of her moving so nothing ever happened but I am pretty sure she knew how I felt. Still talk on the phone from time to time with her. So this brings us to the present. A few years ago we moved to a new city. Met these new friends who share my one super passionate hobby and are a couple. Took it pretty slow at first, but eventually got very close to the wife. We text/ talk daily, hang out multiple times a week now. I realized I was crushing about 6-7 months ago. I am not normally a touchy feely person but was wanting to be close to her all the time. She is relatively new here too and her husband works a lot so I think she is lonely. They have no kids but are supposedly trying. Sometimes I wonder if she lets me lean into her all the time because she doesn't want to lose her closest friend here or if she actually reciprocates. A few months ago we were watching a movie in my bed ( have no idea how I was able to casually talk her into that, but we've done that a bunch of times!!!!) and I made some comment about some sexually fluid character and she asked if I think I could like both guys and girls. And I said I pretty much identify that way and gave some vague description of the soul mate girl crush, making it seem like more of a romantic relationship than it really was. She said she's been asked to be in a threesome 'by a very aggressive friend 'before but was not interested. We've gone on a weekend away together and shared a room where I was sure something was going to happen and I made small moves but she was sick and not feeling well and nothing ever happened although we still had a great time. So a few days ago she texts me that she's been listening to a playlist I made for our trip (all girl musicians) and that she's been noticing all these 'pairs of awesome looking women' I was at a party and had A little to drink so I got brave and wrote back 'are you turning gay?' And she says maybe. She says she is not into swinging but believes in the kinsey scale. I wrote back a couple of flirty things but she had plans with the hubby that night. The next morning I was mortified, but she seemed even more eager to hang out and we spent most of the weekend together. Monday she invited me to lunch. Yesterday she came by our house and hubby and I went to get drinks with her. Our arms must have bumped 50 times during the walk and whenever she handed me something her hand would linger way past what is normal. Am I reading too much into it? I can never gauge. Should I say something? Should I make a move? I have never initiated anything in my life. I have no idea how to do it. Should I tell hubby first before I do? I don't want to lose him, but I do want to pursue this. I can't get anything done at work. It's driving me crazy... Help?
  11. Before you were fully comfortable being bi, how would you have reacted to a close female friend telling you they like you? A friend you never thought of in that way. I am trying to think back to what i would have done. I think early on i would have been confused and scared, just like i was when boys told me they liked me. And probably ran away. Later on when i was just figuring it out not sure what i would have done. Maybe said i was flattered but don't feel the same way. Maybe been curious. Not sure. Now i can't think of a single friend i wouldnt give it a try with if they felt strongly about me even if i never thought of them that way. My thoughts on sex and emotions have evolved massively over the years.
  12. I am feeling quite lost right now. One of my best friends has suddenly stopped replying to my messages completely. I know she's okay because she is still posting things on FB. I would just let things go but it came kind of out of the blue. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding and organised my hen party. I last saw her at her birthday party where she danced with me and chatted to me a lot. My question is - should I try to contact her again or give up? I have been a bit dull and ill recently and she is quite lively and likes going out. I have been on a very high dose of anti-psychotics and anti-depressants for OCD and depression and I didn't tell her about it because I didn't want anyone to know. But it has affected my behaviour and made me quite languid and slow. I also have occasionally said things which are out of character which may have stopped her wanting to be friends. Nothing terrible, just a little odd and oversharing which is not like me. I don't really know what I would say if I contacted her. I guess I would tell her that I'd been ill but I wouldn't want to sound like an apology or as begging her to remain friends as that would be weird. Thanks for reading this. Any advice would be much appreciated.
  13. More to follow, just had to share. She is awesome, the friendship developed slowly, so happy! I have someone to meet and chat with. I wouldn't have had the courage to do this without all the support and conversations on here with all you wonderful people. Thank you!
  14. I've been thinking about this moment recently and thought I'd share. It was kind of sort of my first time. Only because the real first time happened the night before. Thankfully the friend I was "experimenting" with understood we needed a first time do over. We were both about 14 or 15 at the time, and very curious about each others bodies. I was staying at my friends house for the weekend one summer, and it was a summer I won't forget. I'm not sure what we were. Maybe we were just horny teens just wanting to figure out these urges. One night we were feeling very frisky. We got tipsy on some of her parent's Miller Lights and decided it would be a fun idea to strip down and run nude along side the road. She lived in the country so maybe two cars passed us(now that I'm older I know how stupid and unsafe that was). It was very exciting for both of us. After 10 minutes we went inside and crawled into her bed and decided to play with each others bodies. We touched, licked, and scissored each other, but at the end we found ourselves a little disappointed. Maybe we were doing something wrong? It didn't feel right in some way. We ended up falling asleep thinking that would be the end of it. The next day we woke up, ate our breakfast , and tried to get past the slight awkward feeling from the night before. Her parents left for work later that day and we decided to swim in her above ground pool. After jumping in we talked about the feeling of striping up and down the road the night before and that was getting us both excited. We took off our swimsuits and started off like we did the night before. It was a beautiful sunny day. We were outside for the world to see. We started the same touching like from the night before, but I decided to change it up. I had her get on a raft, found her clit, and started going to town. I was getting so wet from the situation and I could tell she was enjoying it a lot more than the night before. I licked her until she came. She was moaning so loud I thought her neighbors down the road might hear, but I didn't care. After thinking we were done she pinned me to the edge of the pool and started to rub my clit. She rubbed me with one hand and had her fingers inside me with her other. She was kissing and biting my neck. I don't remember ever coming before that moment and it was so intense. That was an amazing moment, but unfortunately it was the last time I did anything with her. We ended up going to two different schools and our friendship ended. I will never forget that moment though, and I'd like to think she still thinks about it too.
  15. I've posted a topic about this months ago. and I haven't updated it since.... so here it all is. Over the summer I re-connected with an old friend from high school who i haven't really seen in 7 years. Back then we were never really close but we did talk from time to time. She sent me a message recently to do a logo for her health coaching business she wants to start up. She saw a logo that I had recently done for a mutual friend and wanted to reach out to me. So I did the logo for her and she fell in love with it. She asked if I wanted to grab drinks with her in the near future and catch up on things. So a week later we grabbed food and drinks and she mostly talked about her crazy past with her ex-boyfriends and abusive relationships and her mother's passing away from cancer. She had a lot going on and doesn't have much friends or family. she told me she was seeking therapy but can't afford it. At the time, she was in a relationship with a guy she's been with for a year. . and they seem supportive of each other. In general she seems like a very strong person with all the things that she's gone through. She's changed a bit since high school. She's very passionate about what she does regarding her health coaching and I really love that she's all about finding balance. However I feel like she's still trying to find her balance. She revealed to me that night we hung out that she's also bisexual and has had her experiences although she hasn't been in a relationship with another female. When I told her that I wasn't straight she seemed to glow a little. After that night of hanging out she started to text more than I expected she would. I'd get early morning texts like "good morning gorgeous." and asking what I was up to for the rest of the day. She started complaining that her current relationship isn't working out for her. She felt like there wasn't enough spark and passion between them. So eventually she ended up breaking up with him. From there on out we hit it off. But I was still very cautious about the whole situation. It all just seemed to happen so quickly. And I would have never in a million years expect to be in a position like this with her - someone I overlooked in high school. One night she invited me over for "wine and dine" and things got very intimate between us. I knew what her intentions were. She wanted to have me stay the night...Which I ended up doing. We were both drunk. And there was no way I was gonna drive home drunk. So that night i laid on her lap and she gave me a head massage. I couldn't exactly tell you what we were talking about. The whole conversation was slurred. I was drifting away like a feather in air. Until she asked if I needed to get rest and offered a spot on her bed. An offer I obviously took without hesitation. She let me borrow clothes for the night. And as i climbed into her bed she grabbed me by the face... as if we were going to kiss. But being the little pussy I am, I let the opportunity slip. I was nervous and drunk and tired and sick. We cuddled and caressed each other. Until we both passed out. That was about as far as it went. But i was pretty content with it. although maybe she wasn't... the next morning she seemed to be acting weird and distant. i wanted to ask her what she was thinking about everything but instead I waited til I got home to confront the issue. and in her response she said: continued, With all that said. I was pretty understanding of it all. But the only issue i had with this is that...we were already in it at this point. and even after this conversation we continued treating each other as if we were actually in a relationship. She'd joke about marriage, and cooking me dinners, letting me take naps on her. It was still going for us. and I was convinced we would end up together. Until about 2-3 weeks later I started noticing her becoming more distant. and I couldn't understand why. She would still hang out with me but the flirting was kept at a minimal. Out of no where a new person came into the picture. She started hanging out with this random guy. She told me he was a friend of hers. But i knew that she was interested in him. Every time we'd go out he was there. I've never been more upset in my life. I took a week of vacation and by the time I had come back to new york they were officially in a relationship. in just one week. what hurt was that she defintely knew it hurt me. But she continued to post pictures of the two of them on social media. it was really all so upsetting. It's like she contradicted herself about not wanting to get into a relationship so soon after her break up. After a few weeks of not talking she ended up sending me a long apologetic text message: This was a surprise. I wasn't expecting an apology from her. But she was honest and I took it as is and we remained friends. although it was difficult and still is. Occasionally we'd hang and she would always be the one to initiate conversation through text. The thing is she'd continue to say things to me that none of my best friends would even say to me. Like "Hi beautiful have a great morning and day." and she even brings up jokes like "I'd only let you eat my box" or "we should've just wifed each other." It's super hard to explain because it's always in the moment. but I get this gut feeling that there are still some feelings there from both of us. She's hot and cold with me. and I can't figure her out. she clearly loves her new boyfriend and she's just about always posting something about him on social media every week. saying how perfect he is and what not. unfortunately but i question why she still sends me pictures of herself knowing I had feelings for her. It's just weird to me. the other day we were talking about plans for my birthday which she couldn't make and was feeling bummed about. and during the conversation we had through text she posted this image on her facebook
  16. So I have made a new group of friends in the last few months and I realised at the beginning I liked one of them not sure if she now's but she has told one of my other friends she likes me and another that she is not interested.a few weeks ago she told me she isn't ready for a relationship at the minute. I'm not sure what to do I feel like I should be there for her but feel awkward because I still like her.
  17. It's been awhile since I've posted. Time for an update. Short recap: I hooked up with a close friend about 6 months ago after months of scrutinizing her behavior and trying to figure out if our attraction was mutual. Apparently, it was. We hooked up a few times and then it stopped. She told me she would feel more comfortable if our hook-ups included a guy. Both of us are involved in relationships with men. I was heartbroken and things were awkward for awhile. She avoided being alone with me and I eventually accepted our status of platonic friends. She and I have remained friends. Very close friends. The attraction is definitely still there. She sent me a nude pic of herself recently, under the guise of sharing a screenshot of text messages with her boyfriend. I'm pretty sure that's not something you do with platonic friends. She says and does little things that tell me she still feels some kind of way, and I can't shake my feelings for her. Last night, we hung out with a group of friends at my house. The eye contact and little smiles between me and her made my insides churn. As everyone was leaving, she hung behind a little and I wondered if she'd find an excuse to stay behind after they left. She didn't. But I also didn't give any hints that I'd be open to that. I quietly shut the door as they all left and didn't make eye contact with her as she walked to her car, even though she was watching me. I'm terrified of rejection, again. Plus, it should really be her who re-initiates sexual contact. It really sucks because I crave sex with her. She is my heroin, for sure.
  18. I need some good gal pals. My best one (who I've known for nine years), moved back to MI with her husband, to take care of her parents. We stay in touch, but, I miss being able to spend time with her. It would be great to find someone that lives nearby again. No matter where they're at, someone who is intelligent, with a broad sense of humor, kind hearted, creative, supportive, understanding, giving, affectionate. They'd be getting all of that back & more. Also, very important, someone who is willing to put the time, effort & care into a friendship. It seems so difficult to find that these days. I think I do & then it turns out to be something else entirely. I'm not necessarily seeking that here. Just expressing a wish.
  19. To make a long story short, my best friend and I had a little something going on. We would kiss and make out and cuddle and that kind of stuff. Nothing further, which was fine with me. This went on for about two years. Her boyfriend was abusive and I started to stand up to him. One night he tried to attack her in front of a lot of people. It got out of hand. Bc of this it broke us apart. We didn't speak for 15.5 months. Last month I send her a text and didn't expect a reply. Well she did and we reconnected. Picked up right where we left off. My feelings are as strong for her as they were at one time. But they are still very much there and I do truly love her with all my heart. I believe she has feelings for me as well. She tells me that she does and that she missed me so much. She has said she is sorry at least a 100 times. Sounds like the perfect situation right? I wish! The boyfriend still hates me (she claims he hasn't touched her since). No idea if he has or not. We had just agreed that we would spend time at my house and meet up for lunch and stuff for a little bit. She has a pool and this summer we would go to her house and her boyfriend could just eat lunch at work instead of coming home. I am getting a pool this summer but it won't be til mid summer which I just found out. I said so I guess we will just be at your house until my pool is done. She said "yeah that isn't happening". Apparently something happened and he is I guess forbiding me to come over. I don't really know. I didn't ask questions. But it is her house, her everything. Once again she is allowing him to control her. We have barely been friends again for a month and this is happening. I'm hurt. I'm numb. As much as we want to be friends, I'm just not sure I can do this. She is going to stay at my house too late one day or send a text that was me at for me to him or something. Then she is going to tell me she can no longer be friends and never speak to me again. I can't go through that again. It literally took a whole year for me to be ok with it the last time. My heart was crushed, stomped on and put me through hell. I can't do that again. This woman I truly believe is my person. We get each other, we love each other. But for whatever reason she chooses him over me. I know and realize this. But what do I do? Just walk away? Or try and come up with a way for us to see each other during the weekdays (neither of us work). I'm at such a lost as to what to do. I feel numb and feel as though once again I can't breathe. It's hurts so much.
  20. I read here and there that some of us are rather bi..in the closet yet. That s my case. So so far i just told my bff that has moved to another coutry. I told her there is this co worker of mine and the thing is i ve got to like her more than the normal way. She went LMAO.she definitely thinks it s wrong, that it s just some phase, but also loves the whole situation and wants to experiment it too. For the moment i don t feel any need to tell my family or any other friends, will telling them be worth any relief i could feel from coming out. Could you sgare your iwn experience
  21. So, I hugely fancy my friend/boss, who at any mention of girl on girl action claims its 'just wrong'. I'd like to know if any of you ladies have managed to have relations with females just like my crush? What happened? How did you do it? What was it like? ;-)