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Found 26 results

  1. I came across this article which reckons only 17% of marriages last over three years after a spouse comes out as gay or bisexual. I'm in a bi group and this seems to be accurate among the ladies I know, even those with husbands who were initially fantastically supportive. I think the quality/happiness of a marriage should also be considered, not just if you end up together or not. Also, the divorce rate for heterosexual couples isn't zero, so one person being bi isn't ever the only factor in a divorce. Do do you think this is accurate? Do statistics like these even matter? According to the Straight Spouse Network, it is estimated that there are up to 2 million mixed orientation couples. According to Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network, "When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce; the remaining third try to make their marriages work. A half of these couples divorce, while half of them (17% of the total) stay together for three or more years." The Family Pride Coalition compiled the following statistics: 20 percent of all gay men in America are in a heterosexual marriage. 50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children. 40 percent of all lesbians in America are married to a male partner. 75 percent of all lesbians have children.
  2. This isn't something I've really discussed with other people. I'm sure everyone is different when it comes to songs & the people in their lives. I know, often, couples will have, what they consider, their song. I also have ones that, when I hear them, remind me of certain people. Interestingly, a few of those I attached to people I wasn't in love. I suppose, at the time anyway, they had held a sort of significance in my life. My husband & my song is, All I Ask of You from Phantom of the Opera. Going on, 19 years together & that song still touches me. I'll even get teary over it sometimes. We did get to see the musical when it had it's long run in San Francisco. There's a song that I've been familiar with for many years. It was part of the soundtrack of a movie we watched the other day. When I heard it, I knew it was meant for a special someone. I will give it it's own post. It's called, The Concrete and the Clay.
  3. Not posted on forums for ages and boy have things changed. As I said before after discussing my bisexuality with my hubby turns out he's bi too so we set out to explore together. We joined a swingers site and found other bi couples. We have met one other couple. The guys played and the girls played. Great fun! I've also had a night away with my bff which resulted in us getting it on unexpectedly. She has always flirted but I was never sure how to take it. Hubby has found a new BFF too through our swinger site who is also bi and great fun. So all in all a very happy journey so far
  4. So, my husband has been going to counseling which is great, due to a myriad of issues. I told him about my attraction to women about six years ago. He gave me a free pass to be with a woman and try it out, but due to being busy raising two young kids, and work, and dealing with his mental health issues, there isn't much time to figure out where to go to meet people. I signed up on OK Cupid, and had one person that messaged me to meet up, but after my response to her I haven't heard anything. My husband is more if the mind that I am not attracted to men at all, because i'm not constantly wanting sex. Recently, he told me he was frustrated that i haven't found someone to try it out with, and that he suposedlt knows serveral people that would help me out. I personally would rather allow things to develop organically, and meet people doing the things I already do. I need to feel something for a person before I would even go there, and honestly, I wouldn't want to invite more trouble into an already troubled relationship by "hooking up" with a random person. Just like everyone else on here, I really do want to find soneone, but I'm willing to be patient.
  5. Tonight was so weird. So was last night, kinda. I definitely learned feelings definitely play into how much i enjoy sex. Started out a normal bar night (i.e. only beer), husband mentioned that he got butter shots served to him in a stripper's cleavage once , that lead me and some girl friends to decide to serve each other that way too (crush wasn't even there btw, different friend group/setting). Sooo we did.. i took from a girl I've made out with on occasion before, and she took from me. It's always been just fun, pretty sure she's a straight girl who makes out with girls while drunk and that's never bothered me because i have zero feelings for her beyond friendship, but she's fun to kiss (though I've avoided kissing her since i started sleeping with my real crush.. because it just feels weird with other women after having "her"). Another lady friend and some random girl traded boob shots too. It was fine, fun, relatively innocent amongst us all. Anyway... apparently the random girl that traded with other friend is bi and in an open relationship. Assuming her husband is straight and she's not. Her name is J. She's extremely sweet and very cute. We all started talking, I immediately told her husband i wasn't looking for another dude, he was cool with it (seriously.. all of my poly friends/acquaintances are straight.. except one or two.. which makes couples hard because they wanna hetero hook up and we both are only into women...) Didn't mention my girl, because it's not a relationship and though I'd love to say "nah, sorry, got a girl", I can't because we're just fucking+great friends right now and it would be weird to insinuate it was more than it is. Probably. I don't know. But rando girl latched onto me, and through some coercion on her part, i ended up in the (super empty and dark) back of the bar with her, she and i finger fucking each other. P.S I WORK HERE, OKAY??? I finger fucked a random girl at my place of employment (don't worry, I'm on the tame end of what all has happened/still happens there, if no one else has gotten in trouble, i definitely won't...). Mildly paranoid someone is gonna find out and tell bossman-owner (very unlikely, btw, boss is out of the loop and anyone who would somehow find anything out could give 2 shits/already know I'm bi, and wouldn't tell because they don't care/support me/know not to tell boss anything because it's more trouble for the messanger because boss is just weird). Anyway. The whole time, it felt wrong and i didn't enjoy it. Couldn't even get turned on, though she was attractive. She seemed super into it, but the whole time my brain was saying "this isn't [crush], this isn't right". I was literally waiting for it to end the whole time. I should have enjoyed it (IT WAS A WOMAN), been ecstatic and wrapped up in it. But i wasn't, and though i don't really regret it, I feel sad, kind of. I feel like i lead rando girl to believe I was more into her than i am (though i really didn't lead her to believe anything, she came on strong and i just went with it, never promised anything), and i also went against what i wanted.. i honestly don't think i want any girl but my lady crush anymore. And even though crush and i aren't exclusive or dating, or even anything with a label meaning I'm supposed to only fuck her and no one else with a vagina (we're both married to men, and there has been no true DTR).... i don't want to tell her. I feel like I've betrayed her, though there's nothing specific to betray, since we haven't defined anything, we haven't pledged to be exclusive, she's not "with me".. we're not in a relationship. I just wish we were... Other weird part. While that was going on, husband was making out with a person in drag. Now, that's happened a few times before (husband's definitely not a 0 on the Kinsey Scale.. he admits to being higher) and he seemed to be having a good time. Then he flipped. Started treating her like shit, telling her to get away. That's never happened before. He's never suddenly volatile against anyone he's been intimate with, regardless of gender, and again.. he's made out with cis men and trans women and men in drag. But it made me feel horrible for V (person in question), though she insisted she understood and knew how to deal with and understand his erratic personality type. He was drunk... he's also been diagnosed with a mental illness, so that often plays in. On the way home, in his drunken stupor, he mentioned that since we both did things we didn't enjoy, it probably was a sign that we should just stick with crush and her husband as far as these things go. I'm 1000% in agreement, at least on my end. I feel horrible that husband lead someone on, and then turned on her. I also feel horrible that I thought i might be into something, literally made a girl cum, then ended up disinterested the entire time and don't really wanna do it again. What the hell did i do?? Unfortunately, they both have our numbers, and I'm gonna need to gently explain to them before it gets out of hand (mostly with the chick i messed around with.. V is aware husband is weirding out already). I just want my lady right now. I don't want an unfamiliar chick. Like has happened before.. i can still smell her on me. But it's not the right smell. It's not the right girl. J doesn't give me those crazy, over-the-moon feelings like my girl does. Another part that's annoying..... last night, i insinuated to the girl (M) who newly runs karaoke at my bar that we weren't mono.. and she expressed interest in husband. Like, after he went inside to pee when we were out smoking, she told me how lucky i am because he's so smart and funny and hot. And i was like... "yeah... *inside brain says "tell her she can fuck him if she wants, BUT WAIT i don't know if he's interested so maybe don't do that until you ask him.."* Mind you, he was drunk, so oblivious to the fact she was into him. Told Sober Him today that M's crushing on him, and he said he'd be into it. Asked me if I'd want to... told him maybe, but probably not but don't let that stop him, I'm totally fine with it. But like... she was hinting to him LAST NIGHT that she thinks he's attractive, and he blew it off because he was drunk (ahem: difficult to handle). Anyway. Not that big of a deal, i just know he's wanted something else but thinks I'm the only person on earth who finds him attractive (dude is legit hot, like David Tennant and Jude Law had a love child kinda hot, even hetero men around here admit he's pretty... doesn't know it and has super low self esteem). We opened up because I'm bi, and needed something he couldn't give, and that evolved. But i got my girl.. i hope.. the only one i want right now. But it's also for him, and i don't want him to restrict himself (except within our boundaries) when he could be experiencing things too. He has needs i can't/don't feel comfortable with fulfilling too, and i wish he'd see that as long as we're communicating, I'm okay with him exploring too. I just feel like he doesn't believe me when i tell him that, but i don't feel like I've given him any reason to not belive me. Ughhhh sorry about vomiting my brain all over this post... the past two days have been weird, and i just wanna cuddle my husband and my girl at the same time (while her H cuddles her)... is it a fucking full moon??
  6. This weekend has been amazing. My crush no longer has a fiance, she has a husband! i was her maid of honor and my husband officiated it. It was small, but so intimate and so so so much fun. I'm over the moon for them and still feel high on the excitement! Thursday night we went out and had a joint bachelor/bachelorette party for them at the bar i work at since her best friend was finally in town and the only other bridesmaid that's above legal drinking age wasn't available for the weekend she and i celebrated. I wasn't exactly sure if she'd told her about the stuff that's happened between us (she moved away before any of it happened), so i was kind of unsure of how affectionate i could be. We all went outside to smoke and she, my husband, and i all squeezed onto a bench with me between them. Husband had his arm halfway around me with his hand resting on the shoulder closest to him, and eventually she started to put her arm around me until she felt his hand, so she pulled back and put her hand on my other shoulder. Then when he got up and went inside, she put it all the way around me, and we stayed like that basically all night. Even when one of us would get up to go to the bathroom or something, when we'd come back, her arm went right back around me. Until she noticed i was wearing the super soft robe i got when we were together one time, and she started stroking my leg.. but then i put my arm around her and kind of rubbed her waist, while she continued to stroke my leg. We left and went to a friend's house eventually to continue to hang out (it was about a 3 block walk) and she slipped her arm through mine and found my hand. We held hands the rest of the walk until we got upstairs.. so i was kinda thinking maybe she told her best friend, but i wasn't sure. In hind-sight, i wish I'd kissed her on the walk to my friend's house.. So then, the wedding on Saturday. It was SO great. Possibly one of the most fun weddings I've gone to, but i might be biased because I'm so excited about the whole ordeal. It was at her hisbands parents' house, and i absolutely love his parents (we go there for the 4th of July every year.. awesome little property right by the river with a wooded area in the lot next to them, and they're the coolest, sweetest people who definitely know how to throw a party). Anyway, after her family left and we got most of the reception area cleaned up, we all stuck around and partied a little more on their front porch. At one point, she, her best friend and i were the only ones on the porch, when her husband came out for some reason. I don't remember what brought it up, but he said something about the first night we'd slept together. I don't remember what at it was. But he said "you know, this night" and started scissoring his fingers together. She and i laughed and were like "that's not EXACTLY how that night went.." (there was no scissoring involved, only oral and fingering). He said "whatever, it was that night, you know what i mean" and scissored his fingers together again and went inside. In front of her best friend. Sooo, I'm pretty sure she told her, because best friend didn't bat an eye at anything that happened or was said either night. Haha. Anyway, we continued to kind of reference that night for a few minutes, i don't remember exactly all that was said. But she made the statement about people falling asleep during it. I told her "oh, that was the second time and it was only [her husband] who fell asleep, and that's why we stopped". She said "i kinda fell asleep the first time too," and i told her "yeah, but that was when all the stuff was done, we all cuddled up and started to fall asleep. Until my dog started barking his brains out and [my husband] got frustrated and wanted to go home. Ughh i did not want to get up and go home, i just wanted to fall asleep there". She said "yeah, that sucked. I just wanted to cuddle and fall asleep together. Oh well, it's just growing pains". Which gave me butterflies. She wants to finish by cuddling and falling asleep together too.. that's what I'm dying for. And i took the "growing pains" statement as reiteration that she's into whatever is going on between us, and wants it to continue and progress (god, i can't wait to see how it progresses...). I also thought it was an interesting choice of words, because her husband had used that phrase after i sent him an apology text for basically hogging her and leaving the guys out the last time we all slept together.. he said something to the effect of "it's all new and there will be growing pains, but i like how it's going and progressing, and I'm excited to see how it continues to progress". Guys.. i think she kind of likes me. Like, ever since we started being physical, I've been afraid I'm just an experience, someone to fulfill her bisexual desires and that maybe anyone she was somewhat attracted to could stand in my place. But I'm really thinking she likes me specifically, and maybe in some weird way more than just sexually.. to some degree like i feel about her. I'm not in love with her by any means, but i love her. I'm extremely drawn to her on a emotional/friendship level, and she makes me so wet i can't think straight sometimes. And our husbands are completely fine with it. Seriously, is this even real life? Sorry. Just needed to get that out there and see if i could get some other opinions. Am i reading too far into things?
  7. Again! We had discussed it ages ago and I asked him if he remembered. He said "well, um, it's kind of a hard thing to forget!!" and we had a good laugh about that. He is super okay with it and always has been. I'm so relieved & we are just going to take each day as it comes. Go brave little me!
  8. How long did it take to get over the woman who "turned" you? LOL. More accurately coined as your trigger crush; the person who blew you out of the water and left you questioning (if you have one). I love my hubby. I do not want to hurt him, but my feelings for her far outweigh anything I have felt for him. Perhaps it's just the crush talking there. I know it's not fair to him to still be pining after her. So, my question is how long did it take you to get over your trigger crush?
  9. I hope it's not too obnoxious to start a topic with this title. But he really is and I guess if I had to pick who I would get accepted by, my husband or my crush, the husband and the father of my child is a much, much better choice. Last night, we had a little bit to drink at a friend's New Year's Eve party. When we got home we watched a movie which prompted a lot of open discussion of sexuality and I told him everything I've been holding in: Who I was crushing on (he knew!), that I told her and that it may have had something to do with the end of my friendship with her, I told him about shy's and what goes on here and how much it has meant to me. Then we discussed possible out of marriage arrangements and he was totally open to everything and anything. I told him about the ethical slut book that's been recommended on here a lot, he said we should read it. We talked openly about sexual fantasies, and then tried some out last night. They are amazingly complementary for people who never discussed this before. We've been together for over 8 years and this was the most open conversation we ever had! It was amazing and mind blowing. This is by far the best new year's I've ever had. And I know I am sooo sooo lucky to have found someone so open minded and so well matched to me. Thank you ladies of shy's for being a part of this whole journey for me. And happy new year!
  10. Friday night was one of my crushes's birthday, so we went out with her and her boyfriend. We went to our local gay bar first, where she got very drunk, we did karaoke, and i got some lovely kisses and ass gropes before she and her boyfriend left (if you've seen my other posts, this is the friend who has asked me if i want to fool around). Husband and I stayed for a little longer before heading over to the bar that I work at and seeing some other friends. We have a close gay male friend (call him D) who is ALWAYS joke flirting with my husband and many of our other guy friends, which totally doesn't bother my husband like it might some straight men. My husband has even let him grope him through his jeans, and on occasion will allow a little kiss. All because it's all in good fun, right? Anyway, the other night, he got a little tipsy, and when we walked over to my bar and started talking to our friends, D was one of them. We were all laughing, joking, being ridiculous, when somehow, husband and D started making out. Like, actual making out, and husband seemed to kinda enjoy it? Of course, everyone started cheering them on, laughing etc. As I'm standing there, legs crossed because I'm feeling some sort of feeling between my legs haha. This isn't actually terribly out of the ordinary, my husband has never expressed interest in men (has always said he's definitely straight, but would be okay with certain amounts of touching with a guy) Anyway, the night progressed, we went home, went to bed, and I had to work the next day, as did my husband. About an hour after we'd left the house, he sent me a text saying he'd just remembered making out with D, and that he was a surprisingly good kisser. Then there was discussion of the road conditions, what to do for dinner, etc. Then about a half hour later, he sent another: "Also just got confirmation, apparently there was a point where my dick when into D's mouth last night for a brief second". I responded "Hahaha what? When? Not in front of people, i hope?" He said in the bathroom, and sent a screen shot of his conversation with D. Husband said to him "okay, i definitely remember they're was a grab in the bathroom, but other than that, I'm not sure", to which D responded "i put my mouth around it for a quick second, that was it". Husband responded with "lol okay, not gonna lie, the only thing i find strange about all of this is the fact that i could tell that my dick had been sucked. Apparently that's my superpower". WHAT. I'm at work, husband, and now my panties are soaked! After he sent the screenshot to me, he followed up by saying: "I sent him a message earlier saying that I remembered making out but my dick also felt like it had been sucked and wanted to double-check LOL" then "....so yeah. that's the story of how I discovered that I'm not necessarily bi, but really don't care lol". I've wondered for a bit what his tendencies towards men might mean.. any physical contact he has with men is generally under the pretense of joking around, shock value, and/or being somewhat intoxicated. But that's a WHOLE lot more than what most straight guys would be comfortable with. He's always said he wasn't bi, but once admitted he's probably only 75% straight. He's said he could never take a dick up the ass, but if anything, he MIGHT be able to give it. And in all of our friends' homoerotic joking and pretending to be in love with each other, he always states that he's the top. He and one of my other crushes's boyfriend frequently disappear from gatherings into a closet, the bathroom, wherever and reappear wearing each other's clothes, hair messed up, pants unzipped, shirts on inside out, etc. Obviously joking that they'd been fucking. He kissed a queen at a drag show once, and allowed 3 or 4 guys to all put their hands down his pants (also while drunk). All of this, in the context of joking. And now he's actually had his dick in another guy's mouth. I'm not convinced, because i like to trust what he says, and being that I'm bi, i don't think he'd feel the need to lie to me. However, i remember how i felt before i knew/accepted my bisexuality. I believed I was straight, but I would make out with women "for fun" or whatever. I'd joke that if anything ever happened to him, I'd be a lesbian (which is no longer a joke, and in fact, absolute reality.. i never plan on being with another man for the rest of my life, whether or not he's with me). I'd enjoy kissing women "because they were good at it" and it was different and exciting, but it was really that I enjoyed it because I'm attracted to women, and that part of me was buried at that point. In my experience of accepting I'm bi, my actions and reasons were very similar to what i see from him now. But of course everyone's experience is different. Honestly, I've wished he were bi for a while. Between the fact that our dynamic would be a bit more evenly balanced, and the fact that for the past year or two, dude-on-dude gets me ALLLL hot and bothered, I've hoped that his actions were an indicator that he might not be as straight as he thinks. Is he really just that free and open, or could he be beginning his own path to bisexuality?
  11. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage on almost all accounts. Like, our friends are constantly asking how we have such a perfect relationship. He's loving, understanding, loyal, and supportive. The one area that's horrible is when we fight. Of course all couples fight, but the intensity the past few months has really started to take its toll. We don't argue or even disagree often- maybe a couple of times a month- and we rarely if ever fight about typical couple topics, like finances, jealousy, housework, etc. It's always a minor misunderstanding during a benign conversation, or when he's sleeping through 15 alarms and should be on his way out the door and I'm trying to wake him up. For years, he's made excuses to not seek counseling, but everything culminated the Saturday before Halloween. I was bartending until 4 am, and he was at the bar I work at for the Halloween party we hold. He got trashed, which he normally doesn't do. He didn't even remember having more than a sip of whiskey (literal fighting juice for him) but some of my friends said they saw him do several shots. Which is why he was trashed and blacked out and forgot the shots along with the rest of the night. Anyway, I took him home after we closed up, and he passed out in the passenger seat. Since it was somewhat cold that night, i didn't want to leave him in the car, so i tried carrying him inside (bad idea when the drunk person is a foot taller than you). He lost it. To make a long story short, he did something he's never done, and tried to strangle me. Chased me around the house, pinned me down several times. Smashed my phone, tried to take my house key and threw me outside. Luckily he'd dropped his personal phone in the car earlier, and I'd picked it up to bring it inside, so i had a phone to call for help. He had his work phone. So i called the police, and after going back and forth with them about letting them in to arrest him and not allowing me to even crash at my neighbors because it was too close to home (i knew he was passed out again at that point), i called my coworker that I'd just finished working with and asked to sleep on his couch, which he let me do. I'd like to reiterate that he's NEVER hurt me physically before. I never thought he would or even could. Anyway, the next morning, he called his personal phone several times from his work phone, but since i didn't know what frame of mind he was in, i ignored them. Finally he texted me and asked what happened, and if i was okay. I told him I wasn't okay, but I was alive, and the short version, that he tried to strangle me, and he responded by telling me to call the cops and have him arrested. I told him i already spoke to the cops, and that at most, he would have a court date if the city decided to press charges (which they did, so now i get to deal with this whole situation again). He asked to speak to me, and i told him only in a public place, which he understood completely. My coworker lives upstairs from the bar i work at, so we decided to meet in the parking lot. I sat and cried for a while with my other coworker, who lives down the hall from where i stayed (i originally called her, but she was asleep), then headed down to talk to him. I'd only seen him cry one other time before this incident. He's broken down in tears several times since, while thinking about this. We talked, i told him the whole story, because the only thing he remembered was a phone smashing and he thought it was a dream until he rolled over and tried to cuddle up to me and i wasn't there, then he walked out of the bedroom and saw the mess. He told me he wanted to get help immediately. And he did. He did all of the footwork to get us into counseling, his excuses of not having the time or money were thrown aside, and we've been seeing someone weekly ever since. Things have improved, but we still can't push past the screaming and yelling. This morning I was trying to wake him up and he freaked out on me again. Not physically, just yelling. Telling me I used a shitty tone (i don't remember my tone being shitty.. loud, maybe, since he was sleeping like a rock, but i could be wrong). I kept responding in quiet tones to try to bring him back down, but it didn't work. He left, yelling me he hopes he dies today. Which kills me. He drives a long distance each day for work, and one of my biggest fears is finding out he's been in an accident. Doubly so when I'm fearing that angery words might be the last things he says to me. I don't know what to do. We haven't gotten to the point in therapy about fighting fairly. That will be next week. But we've discussed that we need to work on it. I'm just afraid that he won't try. Today, when i was nearly whispering while he was yelling makes me think that. I even told him we need to be rational and not scream at each other. He didn't care. I just don't know what to do. Everything in our marriage is perfect, except for the fact that we just can't fight in a productive way.
  12. So, after months of not really having anything more than a few nibbles on various sites, I found a woman whose conversation I really like. We "met" online on Monday and haven't stopped talking since. For the past two nights, we've been on the phone for hours, last night being a nearly four hour long conversation. She's not my exact type, per se, but there's a feeling of a connection there. I think about her often during the day and can't wait for her texts. She's about 2.5 hours away from me, in San Diego, and coincidentally we'll be there for a week next month. I really dig her. My husband is not too happy. After giving me "permission" to speak to other women in a more than friend way, he's now freaking out. Throughout the week I've attempted to be honest with him, to which he replies, "I don't want to hear it right now." Okay. Fine. Then last night, she wanted to chat. It was around 9pm, I don't have kids and my husband is knocking out already at that time to get up early in the morning, but last night, he was still semi-awake. She and I talked from 9pm-1am, with me being in the living room. At one point he must have gotten up and overhead our conversation. Now, he agreed to let me talk to a woman in a sexual way, if I must, but that meeting a woman would require much more talking before he'd give me "permission" to do so. Around 1am, he gets up and leaves the house to throw the trash and check on his car. He NEVER does that. Then, as I go to bed and he's not talking to me, he clings to the edge of his side of the bed to create an obvious distance from me. Throughout the night, he arbitrarily repeats things he must have overheard me saying, "The ball is in your court." I guess I said that to her about possibly hanging out? She and I have agreed to at least a friendship though, nothing more. He muttered some other things but I was drifting to sleep, mainly happily hungover from still talking to her. Then first thing morning as he was leaving, he said, "Guess you're making plans to shoot pool with her or go hang out a comedy club" and some other things I was too sleepy to pay attention to, but as he was walking out of the house, he mentioned getting a divorce. I'm...at a loss. Apart of me still feels awful, like I'm being selfish (for wanting to be w/a woman while married). Like I want my cake and eat it, too. He, however, did agree that I can TALK to a women in a more than friend way, going into a sexual nature. That's not how she and I were talking. He also agreed if I wanted to meet anyone, he'd consider it. Just last week he asked me, "Are you talking to these women to try and see if you want to hook-up with them or to confirm you're bi?" And he said it in a very loving, reassuring tone that he's on board for all of this. Now this? And there's apart of me that doesn't care. He's too back and forth and I'm tired of it. I'm honest w/him, it's not like we have kids and I'm taking time away from them, and I've been talking to her while he's asleep so it doesn't take time away from him, but all I can think about is how much I enjoy talking to her. I guess I'm just venting. I really don't know how to react to him, now. Not sure if I'll hear from him all day. I think I'm sure I'll hear the divorce word dropped again.
  13. So i have been spending quite a lot time on this site and my husband is starting to complain that he feels a little bit neglected. So i know now not to get carried away with the site when he is arround. But i am interested to know how you find balance between doing things to satisfy your craving and investing in your current relationship. What have you found that works well/ doesn't work?
  14. Hello ladies, Sorry for those of you who have wasted time reading this thread, but the decision of my friend I was mentioning in this thread (the thread was not about me) is a deletion of this thread. She would prefer no whatsoever connection in relation with Shy from now on. So, I will edit this change now, as I do not believe I am entitled to delete the whole thread by myself? I contacted a moderator, Lilac_lover, to ask her advice on that. If anybody knows if I can delete a thread by myself, please let me know! Sorry about that!
  15. This is my first time posting on here (just joined) so bare with me please. 2 years ago my husband told me he was curious and wanted to try things with a guy. Initially I handled it horribly. I wanted him to tell me he was kidding. I felt like I lost my husband of 10 years and my heart crumbled. This year we started talking about it and I opened up more to the idea. I told him I wanted him to try and see what he thought. He is deployed right now and in a shockingly short amount of time after we talked, he found someone and tried it out. He said it was horribly awkward and at first said he never wanted to repeat that again but as the days pass he is realizing he might try again to see if it was just first time awkwardness. I have found that I am super ok with this now and it's actually been kind of a turn on to talk about his experience. But part of me is convinced I will lose him now which I cannot emotionally handle. He is very committed to me though and I know he loves me more than anything and prefers our sex life to anything else. He would give everything on the side up if he thought he could lose me. Now I have found myself wanting to experiment. When I was super young I had some fun with a close friend that I have always thought about since but I am so scared to actually put myself out there and try now. I am not confident in my body at all anymore and I fear rejection. I'm worried that he will continue to have an easy time going out and playing, and I am not able to try at all, it will cause jealousy and many more issues. He has also mentioned trying threesomes (with a guy or girl either one) but said if I didn't want to it's totally ok. I just can't handle him with a girl without me. Is anyone else in my boat? How have things worked out for you? I don't think I can emotionally handle an open relationship. I think it's ok for him to have guys from time to time (no boyfriend) and for me to have a girl from time to time but being open to everything terrifies me!! HELP!!
  16. Brief story about me: 34 yo female, married for over a decade, no kids. I had emotionally intense female friendships as a teenager, thought it was just a phase, and chose to suppress my desires. It has been the women in my life who have always broken my heart and taken years to get over. Last year, at 33, my dental hygienist (female) stared at and touched me inappropriately. I remember thinking I felt as if I was getting molested, but it didn't feel good and it didnt feel bad. It tingled. I became infatuated with her, eventually reached out to her on facebook, and we became friends. It was the most torturous and agonizing friendship I have ever been in. She was hot-and-cold, push-and-pull, and I never knew where I stood with her. Over a year ago, I came clean with my "platonic" feelings towards her. I was so knee-deep in denial. A year later, that friendship has ended (ended last year) and she came back, after 8 months of silence, when she accidentally text messaged me. Then all the damn feelings came back. Long story short, this has allowed me to open up to my husband that I need to be with a woman. This is an ache for me; a longing for a connection that I just cannot describe. For years, I thought I as over-emotional with women and that it was strictly platonic. After three months of fighting after I came out to my husband that my attraction to this former friend was more than platonic and after many, many, many fights, arguments, and threats tossed both ways in the heat of the moment...he has given his blessing to me "talking" to local-ish women online for friendship and maybe, x-rated conversation. This allows me to dip my toes in the water, taking this one step at a time. We take it day by day. At first he was really freaked out, like I was going to meet a woman online and then meet her the next week for sex, but alas, that is (sadly) not the case. And the sex isn't what this is about to me, primarily. It's a feeling of a connection, a bond I've yet to have with a man. Can anyone give me any tips on how to progress into this? I have talked to a few women, but I've noticed I get my hopes up very quickly, then crash and burn when they don't meet my expectations or things go awry. Plus, this is all online. I have severe apprehension of the other person I'm talking to. I'm so new to all of this. Any tips or words of wisdom?
  17. I'm a tad bit frustrated. My husband has known I'm bi since day 1 in high school (although I've never been with a lady since us being together) he has said he's ok with me having a lady friend. A lot of people don't know I'm bi because my mother step dad grandmother ect is against it. Well I thought my husband was more accepting/understanding than he actually is apparently .., we were talking about gay rights and he said he doesn't care to talk about it and he doesn't care because gays have more rights than blacks, when they (gay people) choose to be gay and wernt born gay.... It fusterates me becaus of course I'm bi. I've known I've liked women since kindergarten... I know I haven't chosen to like women. I just do... I feel like he doesn't approve of gay or something. He doesn't consider me part gay because it's me but it makes me feel uncomfortable his reaction to things in the lgbt community
  18. For those of you who have been following along with my progress, this is a big thing. My bisexuality has reared its head pretty strongly recently. I met a lesbian who I connected with and we made out at a bar, I still have feelings for a coworker of mine who sends me a lot of flirtatious signals, and im married. It's complicated to say the least. I told my husband that I made out with a lesbian but I ended up downplaying the whole thing to him. I skewed it to make it sound more like she misread my signals. But I made a point of saying I didn't hate it. This was about a week ago. Then I heard of a girl younger than me who was an acquaintance was killed in a freak accident and it was so tragic. It made me want to live my truth. Also, I had every intention of never talking to the bar lesbian again, but I broke down and texted her. We've been in communication since and I plan on telling her of my complicated situation today. So last night it felt like the right time. DH and I had each had about a glass and a half of wine. Relaxed enough to tell him without being drunk. I invited him to shower with me. We usually shower together (usually no hanky panky) and it has always been a sacred place for us. I was very quiet in the shower and kept hugging him when he asked me if everything was ok. While still hugging, I told him that I was attracted to women too. He was initially very supportive. I was crying. I told him I love him, he's my priority, but this has been something bubbling under the surface for years and it's never going away. I kept saying I was sorry for complicating our marriage. He kept saying I have nothing to be sorry for. Then he asked me if I plan on acting on it. I said I didn't know but I want his support before I do. The shower ended, few words were spoken. He went into the office to play a computer game. I asked him if he was ok and he said yes. He asked me the same. I said yes. We went to bed. Here's where it takes a turn: I woke up to him trying to cuddle (we don't usually cuddle when we sleep) so I went with it. He was very restless and I asked him if he was ok. He said he kept having bad dreams. He kept cuddling closer. Then he blurted out "do you still want to be married?" I said "of course I do. Do you?" He said "I always have" and I said "me too." More restless cuddling. Then he blurts out "are you still attracted to me?" I tell him yes very much so. More cuddling. Few hours later he blurts out "do I still turn you on?" "Yes of course" I said. Then it gets weird. Cuddling turned to sex. Good sex at that. Part of me felt like he was trying to show off like "why would you want something different than me when I can get you off like this?" And I didn't question anything. This is how he's working through it and I realize it will be a process. It wasn't until after we finished that we slept soundly. This morning he went to work late. I know he hardly slept. For those of you who have been through this, has this been similar to your experience? What should I expect to happen next? As for my tangled webs, like I said, I plan on telling the girl I made out with at the bar that I can't see her again. There's too much going on. As for my coworker, that's a whole story but it's absolutely moving towards something happening with us. She has a boyfriend though so she may be in a similar place of not wanting to act on our feelings quite yet.
  19. So I'm just curious for those of You who are married or partnered but also have a girlfriend or are seeing someone of the same sex. How does it work for You? does Your husband know? Do people around You know? Are their any rules?
  20. Just a rant cuz if I keep it inside any longer I may self destruct. It's my birthday next Friday. Had a horrid week including my oven exploding which scared the hell out of me and my dog, so rather looking like I won't be making a birthday cake or dinner... Anyway Tonight my husband starts talking to me about birthday plans. At first it's nice Let's get a room The one we had a few years ago with the juccuzi in the room... At his encouragement I tell him what is like. I literally spell out what I like as far as sex positions, toys, candles and everything Next thing I know he is saying he randomly recives a text from the chick we had s 3some with on my last birthday. I did not like that 3some. For graphic reasons I'm just sober enough to realize may not be forum appropriate so I won't elaborate He knows this. He says he just wants this for me and I say no. Very clearly no submissive grey area No Next thing I know he had it arranged that not only will she be joining us but I'm supposed to give her a massage. Yeah, I'm a massage therapist And really love sensual But fuck I said no! He did not even acknowledge it. No means nothing
  21. So I've posted on here a few times over the last couple years that I've been struggling to tell my husband about my complicated sexual feelings towards women. My husband and I have only ever been intimate with each other which has put our sex life on a pedestal. He is not very sexual by nature. He doesn't have any interest in strip clubs, porn, threesomes. He's just very vanilla in bed. His favorite thing is boobs. And I luckily have great ones so he's just happy with me. It's sweet and I never have to worry about him being unfaithful. And I love him very much. We have been married for 3 years, together for 9 since we were 19. And we have been friends practically forever. However, I only started seriously questioning my sexuality when I was about 23. I have never been with a girl. I've drunkenly made out with friends but nothing big. I'm scared shitless to tell my husband. I love him so much and I don't want to hurt him. Whenever we have ever had issues in the bedroom (usually revolving around my insatiable sexual appetite) he immediately turns on himself and gets down in the dumps and feels not good enough. I don't want him to feel that way. I want to be able to tell him and maybe someday have his blessing to experiment but I don't know how to tell him. I wish just this once my husband was more like other guys who like the idea of girls with girls. But I fear he would just see a girl as a threat. When we first started dating I asked him if he would ever date a bisexual girl and he said no because he would feel threatened by everyone in the world instead of just half the population. Granted, we were very young then and our relationship feels rock solid now. But I keep hearing those words echo in my head. Another thing is we are considering starting a family in a year or so. I feel like I need to tell him/act on my impulses with women before that happens. Im not getting any younger. Might as well live my truth now. Any and all advice appreciated!
  22. My husband and ive been married for 7 years and we have 2 children. I just realized lately that ive been hold back this side of myself back. But since ive come out to him he thinks by me bing Bi he gets all the threesomes he wants, and it pisses me off. I want to be with another woman that will give me feelings he doesnt give me. Without him and if and only if she wanted to have a threesome we would than talk about it. Ive never been with a another woman but i know in my heart that i want to be kissed in all the right places and touched softly like ive never been touched. And loved like ive never been loved. But i feel like if i tell him this than he'll leave me.
  23. So I know a lot of people in my life thinks its crazy to want a wife and husband, others say it selfish. I got blessed with a husband who understands my wants in life and respects my views for life. I've just found it just as hard to find a girl who is just as understanding...
  24. Hello everyone! Hope you all had a great holiday. With Holidays, comes a bit of drama. Earlier in December, my husband found out about me and a friend (who is now since deceased) in which we hooked up. Because of this, it's felt like I've been on probation, or house arrest. My friend had a new years party, and eventually this turns into a make-out party. My husband I attended, but, I removed myself from the situation as my friends, who were girls were all kissing eachother. One woman, who is openly bisexual grabbed my crotch, and maybe my boob as well. I felt super shy around her, but I really want to get to know her. I felt like I have missed out on all this, because my husband, my probation officer attended. This resulted in me getting a bit bent out of shape, and would have been fine just doing my own thing. I ruined my husband's good time at my friend's party. I had to explain to him that I was trying to respect him, because he has never allowed me to be with other women, and since he got so upset over another man (cause in my eyes, its equal) that I never bothered. He now tells me that he does accept me for me, and that he would allow me to be with another woman, however, he wants to be apart of it, but in the same breath tells me that he wants to be "the only man for me". Why don't I get the same courtesy? On the flip side, because I was so tremendously shy, I missed out on all this girl fun. I wasn't really asked to be apart of it either, and I guess that part hurts. The host of the party knows how I feel about things, but you know how it goes, "you're like a sister" bullshit. It's really exhausting. I just want to cry for a million years. In the upside, I am glad that I have worked my husband to a point where he accepts me, but, I'm confused about how that should involve him.
  25. This has been a tough week but I seem to have come out the other side ok, I have given myself a stiff talking to and am now determined , I can do this. I have been seeing my gf for 14 months now. This was someone I was not going to fall in love with…she knew that. We met , we talked, we fooled around, everything was fun and light hearted, at least for me it was, I knew she felt differently about our relationship but it seemed to work. I was always very considerate of her feelings and I certainly would never take advantage and was always very respectful, I knew how it felt to be on the other side of the one way relationship and I really liked this woman, I would never hurt her. We met every 6 weeks or so and had a really good time, enjoyed each others company and would always try to make a special occasion of the meeting. As time went on, each day we would text and then we discovered the delights of skyping. For those who have discovered similar delights I need say no more ;) but this skyping has opened up the relationship so much that we actually talk for hours…hours !! Ive never spoken to anyone as much as I have to her. She knows everything about me, there has never been anyone who knows as much as she and Im not much of a big talker about myself, it takes me a while to think about how I feel and put it into words. She doesn't rush me, she knows I will talk when I need to. I have never felt anything like it in my life before, the feeling of safety and calmness. The inevitable has happened…I have fallen deeply in love with her, the whole tummy turning, tingling in love with her. This wasn't part of the plan, and the longer we remain together the more I love her. This week all I have wanted seems very insignificant to the want I have for her. I want the whole thing with her, the rest of my life with her. Like a lot of you ladies here I am also married and I am not leaving him. (He knows about our relationship but not about how deep our feelings are) For a lot of medical reasons we haven't been sleeping together for many years and its not a problem (in fact its a bonus ) but I can not leave him, he is my friend and I can't hurt him. So all this week I have been tormenting myself really, wanting something I can't have. So today I woke up in a much more positive frame of mind, I will be happy with what I have which is an incredible lot, a woman who loves me unconditionally and whom I love unconditionally. A beautiful woman with the soul of someone who has been here before, who soothes me and excites me like no one else has ever done before. I love you P xxx