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Found 43 results

  1. So I'm a squirter but I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. I hate that it's uncontrollable and messy but I usually come much harder when I squirt. It probably happens during 5% of my orgasms but there are sometimes moves I can do that will increase the odds of it happening. So I know this is something that they simulate in porn and I think guys usually like it? My husband is just whatever about it. He isn't bothered by it but it doesn't turn him on any more than usual. Although I think he gets a certain sense of satisfaction when there's "proof" that I had a very good orgasm. I'm interested to see if you ladies squirt or if this is common or uncommon. I have very limited sexual experience when it comes to numbers of partners so I just don't know. In the lesbian world is this looked at as gross? Or hot? Or just ok? I'm thinking of sleeping with a woman for the first time and this is one of my anxieties.
  2. The lesbian pioneers who fooled Spain's Catholic Church An interesting article on the BBC News site, concerning a new film project.
  3. http://www.allthetests.com/quiz30/quiz/1336960634/Are-You-Lesbian-Bisexual-Bi-Curious-or-Straight I got 46% Bisexual, 46% Lesbian and 8% straight Not surprised by the answer considering I rate myself between a 4 and a 5 on the Kinsey scale
  4. What are your fav love scenes in tv and movies? This is one of my favourite kissing/love scenes. From the movie Elena undone Easy to get undone watching this https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DZHKznWabwj4&ved=0ahUKEwiG5qvr3N_YAhUGoJQKHRYdAVYQtwIIJTAA&usg=AOvVaw3Wu6moKY6SRj-2rPW5DZuF Shane and Carmen scene from the L word. In english https://youtu.be/LJfUIXaaKIk Found it in spanish https://tune.pk/video/4382514/shane-and-carmen-season-2-hot The same scene with a song https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DZHKznWabwj4&ved=0ahUKEwiG5qvr3N_YAhUGoJQKHRYdAVYQtwIIJTAA&usg=AOvVaw3Wu6moKY6SRj-2rPW5DZuF
  5. Hi ladies, my name is Alyssa. I've been lurking on the site for a minute but decided to finally introduce myself. I'm 23 and I live in Jacksonville, FL. I recently made the decision at the start of the new year to start dating women exclusively. I'm super excited, but also very nervous about taking this step in my life. I've come out to a couple of my close friends but haven't yet told any family members. I've felt attraction for other women for about seven years, since I was a junior in high school. I've tried rationalizing it away and thinking it was just a phase or something but as time has gone on my desire for women has become almost a hunger. My senior year in college I started attending some LGBT events and made a lot of new friends but thought maybe it was just a curiosity I needed to scratch. But for the past year or so, I think about women all the time. With Valentine's Day coming up, I'm a little sad I don't have that special lady to spend it with and that's part of the reason I decided to introduce myself now to just fellowship with like-minded ladies who may be experiencing something similar. I'm really glad to be here and I look forward to meeting some great new people. XOXO, Alyssa
  6. There is actually an app and a book called lesbian kama sutra. I came across this article and found it quite interesting. 100 positions with great cartoon illustrations. How many have you tried? https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://sex.sofeminine.co.uk/relationships/album961435/lesbian-kama-sutra-100-sex-positions-for-women-0.html&ved=2ahUKEwimyNfQyt_YAhVFpJQKHePTBBcQFjAAegQIEBAB&usg=AOvVaw2V4bGgR55X1jL81CiB3uXZ https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.lesbiannews.com/your-lesbian-kama-sutra-positions/&ved=2ahUKEwimyNfQyt_YAhVFpJQKHePTBBcQFjAMegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw3acIjkXhN4rqnOiHkHTrLo Being of indian background i am obviously an expert in all this just kidding. Some of these positions would definitely require some yoga, pilates etc
  7. I've only squirted once, with a male, it took all night of intercourse, felt really scary, then I gushed..... Havnt been able to do so again. Would love to be able to. Anyone have any tips?
  8. I've been on here a little over a year and It's been an amazing journey of self discovery. It also made me curious about the range of different ways that people who use this site identify. Unfortunately it only lets me ask 3 questions at a time so i couldn't ask more... I clicked for it to be anonymous so no worries on that. Curious what people pick...
  9. I squirmed in my seat and tried to push the intense need to the back of my mind. This auditorium is full of people...calm yourself, Lily. I thought to myself. I tried to shift my focus back to the guest speaker on stage. My company had spent some insane amount on this motivational speaker to feed us the same line of bullshit that we've heard since middle school. All I knew was that my ass and back were going to be sore tomorrow from these seats. I heard him ramble something about teamwork but I couldn't focus on a word he was saying. I caught a whiff of her perfume and turned to look at her. She was looking intently at her phone in her lap, clearly ignoring the speaker. Her black dress had been knee length, but it rose up a few inches when she sat and she had one leg crossed over the other which made it sit about mid-thigh. He blonde hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders and because it was warm in the building, she had slipped her jean jacket off shortly after the program began. I tried not to be obvious since we were surrounded by about 400 other employees, but I could stare at her all day and not get tired of it. Katie was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on…and I was fairly sure she was 100% straight. Just then, she turned her head enough to look out of the corner of her eye at me. I hurriedly turned my focus to the speaker and felt my face redden as she turned to look at me. I glanced back over and noticed that her dress seemed to have risen up a little more, and I could have sworn I saw a smirk on her face when she noticed me looking yet again. I felt the wetness between my thighs growing as I thought of how amazing it would be to gently kiss her soft tanned legs up to her inner thighs. I pictured her moaning and running her nails down my shoulders while I sucked on her perky pink nipples. I licked my lips as I started wondering how it would feel to kiss and suck on her velvety soft lips. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to find a bathroom and get some relief before I exploded. I decided to go to the bathroom furthest from the auditorium to avoid having someone walk in and hear me. I went in the bigger stall and hung my purse up on the hook, not bothering to lock the door since it stayed closed on its own. I stepped out of my heels and kicked them to the side while I yanked my pencil skirt up around my waist. I leaned back against the wall and slipped my hand into my black lace panties. Katie turns me on so damn much, my panties are soaked. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back as I circled my clit with my middle finger and started gently rubbing it back and forth. I pictured Katie laying on a bed underneath me as I kissed my way down her belly and buried my head in those gorgeous thighs. I could feel my pleasure starting to build and I couldn’t help the small moan that escaped my lips. I thought I heard a noise, so I opened my eyes and almost fell over when I saw someone standing in front of me. Katie. I froze as my eyes met her own heated gaze. She had pushed the stall door open and was watching me touch myself while she rubbed her nipples through the cotton fabric of her dress. “So,” She said in a breathy voice “I guess now I have my answer.” She slowly moved closer to me until she was standing directly in front of me. “What do you mean? Answer to what?” I asked her, hoping we were thinking along the same lines. Katie smirked slyly at me and dropped her jacked on the floor with my shoes. “Well, I’d say that you responding this way to that little tease I gave you earlier means that you want me as badly as I want you.” She tousled her blonde curls and her scent filled my nose. I couldn’t help it, I lurched forward and grabbed her face in my hands and kissed her wildly, longingly, passionately. I turned her so that her back was against the wall and I moved my hands up into her hair. Katie ran her hands up my back and untucked my satin blouse before sliding it up over my head. I wiggled my skirt back down and she unzipped it and pushed it the rest of the way down. I pulled Katie forward a little and searched Katie’s back for her zipper. I undid it in on swift motion and let her dress fall to the floor. Katie had the most stunning body I had ever seen. She had full breasts, a round voluptuous ass, thick thighs, and curves for days. She had a beautiful tan complexion complete with stunning blue eyes, blonde hair, and very kissable lips. Her pink bra and panties damn near did me in because she just looked so amazing in them. My eyes met hers and I saw the same hunger and carnal desire in hers as I knew she did in mine. I wish I had known months ago that she wanted me this badly. Katie stepped out of the stall long enough to walk across the bathroom and lock the door so no one else could come in. “Now then, Lily,” she said and she placed her hands on her hips and grinned at me. “I want you to know that I’ve fantasized about this day for months and I know you have too.” She dropped her arms and slowly started sauntering towards me. My throat went dry all of a sudden and all I could do was nod my head to let her know she was right. “Mhmm, that’s what I thought. Tell me something, Lily, have you ever touched yourself while thinking about pleasuring me?” Katie was standing in front of me now and smiling seductively at me. I nodded yes and she smiled even bigger. “Me too, Lily, I’ve wanted you for so long and I never thought you’d feel the same way.” Her voice quieted to a whisper and her mouth was inches from mine as she finished her sentence. I felt her hands slip around my waist and pull me to her as she kissed me softly. I pulled her tighter to me and deepened the kiss. Katie’s hands slid up and unclasped my bra before sliding it down my arms. I did the same to Katie and I immediately began kneading her breasts in my hands. I broke our kiss and turned so Katie’s back was against the wall. I leaned down and flicked one of her nipples back and forth with my tongue before sucking on it. I nibbled gently and felt Katie put one of her hands in my hair and I heard a slight whimper escape her lips. I moved up to kiss her neck and trailed teasing kisses down her collarbone, chest, stomach, and abdomen. I kneeled in front of her and slowly started pulling her pink panties down her legs. “Let me show you how much I’ve thought about what I want to do to you.” I smiled up at her and saw that desire still in her eyes. I tossed her panties over to our pile of clothes and I moved her legs apart. Then I lifted one of her legs and placed it over my shoulder. I kissed her thighs teasingly and stopped right when I got to her glistening wet pussy. I paused for a moment before gently tasting her wetness. She gasped and placed her hand back on my head. I swirled my tongue in circles around her throbbing clitoris as her grip on my hair tightened. I smiled against her pussy and slowly inserted two fingers inside of her. Fuck, she’s so wet for me. Katie tasted amazing, just as I had imagined. I moved my fingers in and out of her slowly. “Ohh fuck, Lily, you’re so good. I love your mouth on me. Fuck me harder, Lily” Katie said in between labored breaths as she began grinding on my face. I adjusted my fingers to hit her g-spot and started moving them faster as I resumed flicking her swollen clit with my tongue. “Lily…oh my god…you’re going to…make me come….so hard….don’t stop.” Katie bucked her hips in time with my fingers thrusting into her and kept her hold on my hair tight. I felt her tighten around my fingers and I felt her legs start to quiver. I looked up while I continues my assault with my tongue. Damn, she looks so beautiful when she’s coming undone like this. I thought to myself. I removed my fingers and sucked the sweet wetness off of them. Katie tugged my hair upwards and I stood and kissed her hungrily. Without a word, Katie moved the clothes pile and pulled me down to her on the floor. I laid on my back and used the clothes as pillows. I had only been on the floor for a moment before Katie was yanking my panties off and positioning my legs. She dove immediately in between my thighs and buried her face in me. Katie’s licks were teasing and slow, and she rolled one of my nipples in between her thumb and index finger while she did it. I moaned lightly and Katie sat up and smiled at me mischievously. She scooted closer and straddled me sideways so that our legs were sort of in an X. She rocked back and forth and moved her hips, grinding her wet pussy into mine. “Oh my god, Katie, you feel so good…fuck.” I said as I arched my back up slightly. Katie moved faster and faster as I felt my orgasm build. We were both panting and I could see beads of sweat glistening on her forehead. She ground harder against me and my orgasm ripped through me. I covered my mouth to keep quiet as Katie continued to ride me. “Katie, that was-“ I started but was cut off by Katie putting a finger over my mouth. “Oh I’m not quite done with you, Lily. There’s one thing that I just can’t go without.” I looked at her curiously as she reached over into her purse and produced a pink strap on. I smiled with excitement as she put it on and leaned over me. She kissed me passionately and used one hand to gently move the head of the dildo along my folds to moisten it a little. I bit her lip gently and when she pulled back and started kissing my neck, I whimpered a little. “Katie, please, I want you to fuck me.” She sat up and eased into me with gentle thrusts and I played with my nipples in anticipation of another mind-blowing orgasm. “Katie…harder…fuck me harder...” I moaned as quietly as possible. She intensified her thrusts and took her thumb down to my clit and moved it around in slow circles. I bit my lip and she moved faster in and out of me. I bucked my hips to meet her thrusts and she rubbed my clit harder and faster. This time my orgasm hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t help calling out her name. Thankfully, she put her hand over my mouth just before we heard a knock on the bathroom door. “Excuse me, anyone in there? Cleaning crew needs in.” I gasped with wide eyes and Katie replied back to the male voice. “Just a second, we just had some, uh, feminine difficulties.” She pulled out of me and we hurriedly stuffed our undergarments into her bag with the strap on. I yanked my clothes and heels on alongside Katie and we slid into our heels and jackets before attempting to fix our hair. We unlocked the door and made our way back into the auditorium where the speaker was just finishing up. I tried to hide my flustered expression when my phone vibrated in my purse. I picked it up and clicked the messages open. One new message from Katie? I opened her message and felt my face turn bright red at the content. “You and me at your place later. I need more of you, plus I have your bra and panties in my bag. This is going to be fun.” I smiled and looked over at Katie who had an equally big grin on her face. My thighs were still slick from our bathroom adventure, but the excitement of continuing it this evening made me even wetter. Fun is an understatement…tonight is going to be amazing. Maybe this conference wasn’t such a waste after all. The End! **I apologize for any typos or anything, I didn’t get as much time to edit this as I would have liked. If you have any suggestions or feedback, please leave a comment or something! Thanks!**
  10. I practically wrote a book to post, and then it errored out when I hit submit... of course. So here's the shortened version (because I'm not writing it again). Basically I'm new on here. Basically I've been with my husband for five and a half years. I've been struggling with my sexuality for most of those years and unsure if it's 1. because I've always been more attracted to women (only had female crushes and fantasized about breasts while not being able to find something attractive about men); and growing up in Catholic schools made those thoughts ones that get locked up and thrown away. Or 2. maybe my bad past with my husband has made it so my body no longer responds to a man (temporary or permanent). Or 3. maybe because my husband begs for sex constantly and half the time I give in just to make him happy, I'm so sick of it don't want him to touch me? Or maybe 4. I'm just always going to want what I can't or don't have. I have one female friend where the chemistry is intense between us. One little comment or picture from her sends me wild. Her kisses are so soft and almost orgasmic. Her touch leaves me begging for more. While I can't stand kissing my husband. It's gross and hurts my face. Him touching me does nothing for me and i just want to be left alone. When he's taking his meds, life is great, almost perfect other than the sex. And neither of us want to give up the relationship. But I hate the sex. And the kisses. And I can't give him the compliments he wants. And I know all of that upsets him deeply. He thinks he's not attractive and that I want other men (even though he knows I'm bi). He's hinted that he thinks I prefer women, but I think both of us are too afraid to bring it up. An open relationship is out of the question, because he doesn't share. And making any of his fears a reality would ruin my marriage. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. BTW, yes that was the shortened version lol
  11. I'm taking the time to figure out my bisexuality but something has weighed heavy on my mind. Is it a struggle for lesbians to engage in something with a women who has never had experience being with other women? I'm asking because if I ever get the courage to try and put myself out there or feel out vibes, I'm wondering if it would save me more rejection if I stuck to finding connections with bisexual women instead? At least to start off? I don't know, I think I'm just feeling a little embarrassed that I'm 30 and have never had any experience dating women. I'm afraid that it's going to be a turn off for women who know exactly what they want. Plus I'm attracted to women who are strictly lesbian so I feel very conflicted about even trying. I know I can't predict who will break my heart, but are there any expectations I can set so that rejection won't damage me so bad that I force myself to be straight? Should I prepare myself for lesbians to be out of my league because I'm so new at this?
  12. Hey everyone I am 19 and just come out as bisexual 6 months ago. I have become really accepting of my sexuality, and so from that end everything is good. I have no problems at all attracting males, so far this semester I have been asked out by about 6 guys. However, I don't really bother with them because at the moment I feel much more attracted to women. However, because I dress feminine (even though I have a more masculine, strong personality) I often think that people will just assume I am straight. I really have a crush on this girl (I only like femme, not butch) who I have been told is bi, but I feel nervous approaching girls because girls "flirt" with each other all the time ... How do any of you handle this issue? I was thinking of just telling the girl how beautiful she was and maybe using any excuse for some physical contact (nothing creepy).
  13. Gerda Wegener (1886-1940) was a Danish illustrator and painter who is best known for her erotica which often depicted sex between women. When one looks beyond the explicit sexual content one can see a significant body of work that focuses on other aspects of feminine pleasure - music, dance, fashion, romance, and companionship. Gerda and her husband Einar Wegener (also an artist) were the subject of a recent motion picture The Danish Girl (2015). Alicia Amanda Vikander, who portrayed Gerda, won the Academy award for Best Supporting Actress. (The explicit images start near the end of the post.) A self portrait Gerda with her husband Einar Wegener (later Lili Elbe)
  14. I'm confused by what a previous gf said to me the other day - she doesn't class herself as bi or lesbian and isn't attracted to any girl apart from me..and said she never finds any girl attractive at all..!!?? To which I replied you must be bi she's adamant she's not.. even though I can tell you now she is (lol) ;) The older I get the more interested I am in women (blush) How do you see yourself ? Do you find the older you get the more you yearn for it ?
  15. So I did it last night. I read this letter out loud to my husband during a counseling session. I thought long and hard about this. Doing deep reflections of our time together, my feelings ever since age 8 which suppressed throughout life....Ripped the band-aid off. Hella hard to read it as several times I almost broke down as much as it hurt him to hear. It's best for the both of us, in time.... Where do I start? I wrote this not knowing if I’m going to share. Maybe I’ll read all of it or just parts. First of all I took my vows seriously. I’ve loved you in my own way. When I said “I do” I didn’t know who I fully was then. If I would have, I wouldn’t have said yes. I wouldn’t have put you through all this. Realizing the domino effect, not just on you but the children, your parents/sisters and extended family & friends. I don’t take the decision lightly by any means. Thinking about it long and hard for the past few weeks. The moment I realized I loved Maria how I saw my love for you more clearly become defined throughout the prior months. The love I have for you didn’t compare. It’s not easy to say let alone hear. I connected with her on a much deeper level, emotionally and spiritually. I’m a deep-seated spiritual person, at the core. But I adjusted who I was to make you happy and not to have you uncomfortable. I put your needs before mine for the past 12 years. I craved the emotional connection which you didn’t want to or couldn’t give me. It’s just who you are I don’t fault you for that. But I need someone who I can have those deep talks and bare my soul to. When I kiss women it’s electric I feel tingles filter throughout my body, always had. With any guy I never felt that way. But my mind was conformed with “I am to be with a man.” So that’s the part I played for as long as my mind could push the limits. But I simply can’t anymore. I crash into reality. I still love and care for you but not in a way that you think you love me. I remember our conversation on July 23rd when I first shared the seriousness of the issues. I asked you “why do you love me?” and you replied with because I accepted you for who you are (skin) and put aside my religious beliefs. We worked for while but we never had that “on fire” connection as when I do when I’m with a woman. Same old cliché “it’s not you, it’s me” in this case it really is. I’m a lesbian. As much as I fought to deny it all my life. I’m wired to love and connect with women on all levels of mind, body and soul. It’s the simple truth. I sometimes forced myself to have sex with you because I want to make you happy, my biblical wifely duties. Went out with several guys but never felt that “spark” as I do when I’m with a woman. It hurts physically and hurts emotionally to know it’s not there. It doesn’t make me love you and the children any less. But it’s true. I’ve put my needs before the family time and time again. Rarely complaining. There comes a time where when do my feeling and needs matter? The time is now. I will disclose just a few key points of hurtful moments and example of how we just aren’t right for each other. But I don’t want to dwell on the negatives because you truly are a good man and husband. You deserve someone who lights your fire, having more things in common and just don’t live to “get along.” You deserve better than me. Despite our hard times in life I felt it drew us further away. The loss of Joshua as primary example; we emotionally disconnected. I wanted to be close to you. So many times I wanted to cry in your arms, instead you gave me “space” and I cried in the shower or held it in because I had to be strong for the family. The medical incident where I lost ½ my blood, you didn’t express any concerns over losing me (that I remember). I was so weak after "coming to" (surgery) yet I had to speak on the phone to make arrangements for someone to care for Mikey. Now don’t get me wrong I am aware that you carried my load during the bed rest months but I felt you did it grumbling which cause me more stress because not only did I feel like a failure I had to be one bed rest but also that I was an inconvenience to you – unhappy with me as a wife, not good enough. When I disclosed my sexual assault from college you dismissed it as “you don’t look effected” or asking “how drunk were you?” I never felt so emotionally alone that evening. You went to the basement to work on your computer work. I understand that you were slightly upset that I wasn’t technically your first but you were my first consensual first. Home you should feel safe. To be who you truly are. I don’t feel that way. We’ve tried, been through much in life. I don’t feel loved and appreciated. How we fought on our anniversary night, me point blank telling you what I needed twice and you decline to fulfill it. You barely touched me for so long I got use to it (did without) and now I don’t want your touch when you want to touch me. I’m not mad but I accept that this is how things are and it’s just a vicious cycle of me saying what the issue and things adjust for a couple weeks to a month then revert to the old ways. I’m no saint but tried my best in expressing my love a gratitude in the little things even if it couldn’t be sexual as you wanted it– baked goods, foot rubs, favorite meals, little notes in your daily packed lunch, taking the kids out or watching them so you can rest (which you have done the same), surprise birthday parties for you, mowing the yard so it’s one less thing for you to do, arranging date nights. There were one or two times I mowed for you but you complained that I didn’t do it right…. Not bragging but pointing out I’ve tried to the best of my abilities despite grief and depression always having the family first before me. I have so much to give of myself and finally saying it’s time for my needs to be met. First that love has to come from within me. You are who you are and I am who I am. I need to find myself, to be appreciated and loved for who I truly am. It hurts me to say this but I feel there is no “us” to fight for. I feel we are roommates. What started out as me sleeping on the couch because Mikey kept waking you up and it made you cranky so I was out there so I would tend to him while you get your rest. Then I grew comfortable with it also due to the fact of my sex drive and you getting frustrated I wanted it so much. I retreated, gave in to what you wanted. You wanted separate bank accounts; we have separate car loans, etc. (not that it is a bad thing to have some separation but felt like further driving us apart). Where’s “us”? *Mikey is our 6 year old son No turning back now....
  16. I'm curious as to how many women out there that 1st came out as bi-sexual only later to come out for the 2nd time as lesbian? Is this common? Is it just a matter of self-acceptance due to either society or religious conformity? I fall into this category as I came out August last year as bi, then last month as lesbian. Is it still okay to be part of this forum?
  17. PDF D/l link - https://ufile.io/5xjuw Reunion: An Erotic Lesbian Love Story By Eva Masters Adult Rated 4.57/5 based on 14 reviews Fifteen years has not been enough time for Jessie to get over losing Kiera, her first love. Worse yet, Kiera had never even known Jessie, her best friend, was in love with her. Now both friends have returned to their home town for a class reunion. Can a late night encounter in a dark hotel room rekindle the flame that was never quite extinguished?
  18. I began to realize my attraction to other women around 8 years ago. I got a huge crush on a classmate of mine when I was going to community college. I thought since I have had experiences with both men and woman, and would consider a relationship with either gender, I thought I was bi. I was able to form a relationship with a woman I met online which went from friendship to my first real romance. We dated for 3 years but after so many complications, I ended it. It will be 3 years this fall since the break-up and I have played around with dating apps and even got a few in person dates and all of these dates were with women. I began reflecting on my past experiences with both men and women. I came to the revelation that my feelings and relationships with women were much more intense than the feelings I had for men. My first real love was my ex-girlfriend. I did date a guy when I was 20 before my lady crush but I think what I liked about the relationship was the fact that he was the first man that took a real romantic interest in me. I went along with it because I thought in time I would grow to love him. Things ended abruptly with him because he ended things by just not calling me anymore. In retrospect, I did things when boys/men because it is something that most people expect women to do. I am also of Jamaican descent which means that my mother has echoed some very homophobic views towards me. She hates the fact that I like women and when she finds out that I am not bi and just a full blown lesbian, I know my relationship with her will be in major jeopardy. As of now, I have only told a handful of friends about my change in labels, They have all been supportive. I am so glad I figured out all this stuff before I ended up marrying some dude just appease my family and society. I just turned 30 so I still have plenty of time to be able to form the kind of life I want for myself which is a big lesbian stereotype. I want to find love with an amazing woman, get married, have children and adopt all the cats. If anyone has any advice for me going forward that would be cool. If not, thanks for reading my story. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
  19. I went to the strip club last week and I got a second set of dances from a very beautiful gal. She takes me back to a recliner and she proceeds to get on all fours, facing away from me, her ass near my lap. Her butt is perfection and it's her staple body part, lol. Long legs, gorgeous thighs, and that butt made in Heaven. She begins to spank herself in front of me and looks back at me and I'm pretty sure I'm either biting my lip or licking my lips when I see her staring at me...and I become completely uncomfortable. I dart my eyes anywhere but her ass...to the side, the ceiling, to anything other than what is right in front of me. She begins to crawl towards me and starts gliding her hands up my jeans and puts her face in between my legs. I feel really vulnerable and uncomfortable, so I sit up and she tells me to lie back and relax. I'm consistently fighting her. She's either yanking me where she wants me or asking me to maneuver so she can get a good angle on me. I realized after that, I still feel much guilt and shame. I didn't want her watching me while I looked at her in "that way." Which is silly, I know, because she's a dancer and she gets paid to perform her routine. I felt bad for her, having to be on top of me (because she's prob straight). I feel bad for her having to watch me get turned on, because at some points, it's difficult to restrain myself Does anyone else STILL struggle with guilt and shame? I've been at this for over a year and thought this aspect would be put to be already.
  20. OK, 99.999% of the "lesbian" porn out there is totally geared toward men. I have a VERY hard time watching porn with women that clearly are straight but getting paid to eat pussy. Anyone have any suggestions of films that are made for women who like women?
  21. There are days where you just need to vent a little, This evening is one of those times for me. I was with my children's father for 15 years and married to him for almost 10. The first time I ever kissed a girl I was around 19 and it was a friend when we were drinking (as I'm sure is the story for a lot of people). It awakened something in me that I think was laying dormant in my mind since I was a little girl. Maybe I wasn't completely straight.. Thus began my journey of discovery. I'd only then (and still now) been in straight relationships living my life as a cis/straight female. I had 2 children, got married, had fantasies that recurred with primarily women. I had long talks with my husband about it. We eventually explored that side of my identity on two very drunken nights with two separate friends that he and I trusted greatly. And while I had no sexual attraction toward these two women (it was too awkward and we were too close of friends so the chemistry wasn't there for me), I found that it was not just some bicuriosity. I was (and AM) bisexual. Attracted to women more so than men. I never thought in a million years that I'd have an opportunity to really, truly explore that side of myself. Until last November when my marriage fell apart and we decided to get a divorce. Suddenly I was a single BI woman! And oddly enough it wasn't something that struck me one day. It was my 2 kids talking to each other. My daughter (13 at the time) said something about wondering what the next guy I'm with would be like. Without hesitating or skipping a beat my then 11 year old son says, "Why do you just assume it's going to be a guy? Mommy likes women just ass much! Maybe she'll date a girl next. You don't know and don't get to decide that for her!" WOW, just WOW! My mind was absolutely blown! For my children to be so accepting told me that I'd done something right in the way that I raised them. But it also brought something up for me that I hadn't considered till that point. What IF the next person I'm with is a woman? I felt my heart flutter. Finally I could explore a part of myself that had been laying in wait and dormant for far too many years. My closest friends, a couple siblings, and my mother knew (along with my children) that I am in fact bisexual. And now for the first time I really get to live that part of my identity out in the open. I updated my info on Facebook to being interested in men AND women. I joined multiple groups. And best of all, my children and I made signs and we walked together in my hometowns very first ever Pride March! I had finally come out to the rest of the world and it felt incredible. And then tonight happened. I was messaged by someone from one of those groups and after some very inappropriate comments, I discover that this person is a straight male who gets off on the idea of two lesbians. Initially he assumed I was straight like him. He started asking me if I like sucking. And after realizing I'm bi and after telling him point blank that right now I'm ONLY interested in women, he drops the bombshell. He isn't a member of that group as a "supporter" per se. Just as a pervert looking to get his kicks. What is with these trolls?
  22. So, a few years ago now when I first became a moderator here I decided to write a blog explaining my life to date, my journey if you will. A little background on the woman who'd become your new mod. But, after deciding to leave shybi shortly after, I deleted that blog along with my profile before I left. Looking back at that now it seems kinda foolish, mostly because I didn't back up a copy before I erased it, and because of that here I sit at my keyboard once again. At the moment I'm trying to remember what I shared, but my memory isn't my best feature so I guess I'm starting this from scratch. So here goes... This will likely be my only blog, like an extension of my profile if you will. Just to let you all know who I am and why I'm here. Maybe I can help some of you with my story in the process. I'm not one to overshare usually, not with strangers anyway, but I do like to use my experiences in life in order to help others, so I'll try to do this without going into too much detail. My story began like a lot of women here, growing up I always felt different to the other girls. I was very close in age to my sister and cousin and so the 3 of us were brought up like siblings and spent most days together. When they'd have dolls and pretty dresses, I'd have cars, climb trees and get dirty. Now I don't want to sound like your typical uneducated idiot who believes girls should have dolls and boys should have cars, I believe in giving children whatever toy most interests them, there's no girl or boy toys in my house, but at that young age it made me feel like I was different because I wasn't your "typical girl" like them. As I got older they started to discover make up, and do each other's hair, and I'd be out playing sports and not giving a crap about how I looked. All my friends were boys, I did try and make friends with girls but I just didn't feel comfortable being around them because they didn't like what I liked. It wasn't until I was 12 that I finally became best friends with a girl. She was nothing like me, she loved make up, and boys (something I'd never even thought about). We would spend a lot of time in her room listening to music which was something we both loved, and talking about whatever pop star we had a crush on. I didn't really notice boys at that point, but I went along with it because I wanted her to like me. We did everything together, we were always together, then I started to develop feelings, for her. At that point I told myself it was wrong, that it wasn't how things were meant to be. In the end I became really jealous every time she spoke to any other girls, and maybe that became more and more obvious to her, then after a while we were no longer friends anymore. I was devastated. Told myself I'd not let that happen again and went back to making friends with boys until my late teens. I think this was the realisation for me that I was different, but because I felt it was wrong I hid it from everyone and tried to push it down inside me hoping if I ignored it long enough it would go away. I was 19 before I got into my first serious relationship with a man. I never really trusted them to be honest, things had happened in my past that made me very wary of them, and so it wasn't easy for me to even talk to them never mind trust them. We met over the phone, we started texting on some chat function our phones had back then. It was 2003 and not a lot of people I knew had the internet, nor did we have the flash phones we have these days. He was very sweet and kind, he told me his story, I told him mine, we connected in a way I never had with anyone else and we met after talking for 11 months. He travelled around 200 miles to come see me where I live, he met my family and was the perfect gentleman. Everyone loved him. I had an inkling back then that even though he was this wonderful amazing man that loved me no matter what, that something just wasn't right about us. I put it down to my anxiety and having little experience with relationships. I'd struggled many years with health issues, which I told him all about, he understood when I told him about my depression and anxiety issues, because he himself had them too. But when it came to my physical health issues it was a new thing for him. But he surprised me, he was completely understanding, accepting, and patient. You see I've had a genetic connective tissue disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome since birth, you hear about it a lot more these days but back then it was unheard of. I suffered with daily joint dislocations and pain, not to mention all the other wonderfully gruesome stuff that comes along with it. It didn't phase him, he was there during surgeries, hospital appointments, medication trials, he saw me go through some of the worst years of my life. He was also the first person I told about my attraction to women, again it didn't phase him at all. He was completely understanding of my admission that I was bicurious, which is essentially what it was back then, and told me that as long as I was always honest with him and never unfaithful, he had no problems with this. That's when things started to turn kinda pear shaped in my eyes. He kinda gave me that acceptance that I'd always looked for, and I started to notice women a lot more after that. I would often comment on a beautiful woman when I was with him and he'd laugh and agree. Then it progressed, once again I made a female best friend. I was new to the internet and we kinda met online, we spent many years being the best of friends, telling each other everything, sharing stuff that girls share with their besties, but we never actually met which I think helped me avoid temptation. It took a while to develop but I started to have feelings for her. So I went to my boyfriend and told him, he made the odd joke here and there and referred to us as "the lesbians" when in our company. We'd just laugh it off, sometimes I would make a comment that was maybe overstepping for him but because she would respond to it, in a jokey fashion, he seemed okay with it. I crushed on that girl for so many years, but like the previous friend we drifted apart. She moved on with her life, got a boyfriend, and we just stopped talking as much as we used to. I was so sad, it was like I'd ended a romantic relationship. My boyfriend could see it too, he tried his best to even help us reconnect but it never happened and so I just moved on with my life too. Had a big surgery after that and he was my rock through the recovery, learning to do things as simple as walking again, but as always was very understanding and patient. He asked me to marry him shortly after, and I said yes. Fast forward to the day I joined shybi, it was 2011 and myself and my fiancé had been together for almost 8 years. We were happy enough I guess, things never did seem right but I thought maybe it was because we'd been together a long time and relationships do change over long periods of time. I didn't talk to him anymore about my feelings for women, I kept it all bottled up inside and hoped it would go away, after all I was engaged now and so what did it matter. But the years took their toll on me and I found myself more and more unhappy. Then I found this place. I was randomly looking online, searching the terms "bicurious" and "bisexual" and I guess trying to understand it. That's when I came across this place. It was like an Aladdin's cave I must admit, I was incredibly keen, ask any of the old mods here what I was like haha. It was like I'd finally found a place I could be me. I didn't want to come over as depressing, nor did i want anyone to know of my disabilities, and so I decided to create a persona, and that is when "Rocky" was born. I was a huge flirt, I think I hit on every girl who showed an interest in me. I posted all over the forums too, I had finally found a place full of women like me. I wasn't here to find someone, I wasn't here to hook up or date, I was simply here to be myself without judgement. Even if I did come across as trouble, and got in trouble a few times, I loved every second of it. I think the ladies here started to get to know me too, they saw through my mask and discovered that underneath it all I was actually a really kind, caring and understanding individual. People would come to me with their problems and I'd always do my best to help out. I became a permanent fixture here after only a few weeks and I'd never been happier. Now I don't suppose she'll mind me talking about it here, I won't give names or details, but after only a few weeks it happened again. I met someone. We flirted, we talked, we got to know each other, and we soon realised we were very alike. Our lives similar in creepy ways, our hobbies and interests were mirrored in each other, even our boyfriends looked alike, and we soon realised we could tell each other everything. We became the best of friends, we knew there was more there and we often discussed it in detail, but in the end we knew that nothing would ever happen because we both wouldn't leave our partners, and mine wasn't open to anything outside the relationship. Not to mention she was American and I never thought there was a chance we'd ever meet. But we became best friends, and our boyfriends became friends too, and then our families, after a while it was like we'd always been in each others lives. But deep down my feelings for her clouded my judgement and I made foolish mistakes that cost me her friendship, and my relationship, on multiple occasions. I shared with her how I couldn't hide who I was anymore, and she supported me in whatever I wanted to do. So I told my boyfriend that it had happened yet again, but this time it was different. I wanted more, I'd overstepped boundaries, I essentially betrayed him and went behind his back, not in a physical way but emotionally. He was crushed. We talked a lot after that, I think I was finally able to get across to him that this wasn't just a curiosity, but this was me, and had been me this whole time. He told me he'd forgive me, that we could make it work if I was more open and honest with him, but I wasn't to seek out a woman again because he couldn't handle that betrayal again. I agreed at that stage, I told myself I couldn't lose him even though at that stage I realised that maybe I'd become more dependant on him than anything. I told myself no one would want me the way I was and he did. Why throw that away? Guess what, you guessed it! It happened again. But this time it was different. After being here for a while I decided to leave shys, I continued my friendship with the girl above outside of shys, and even though I've put her through a ton of shit over the years I'm pleased to say we're still friends. But I couldn't stand being here anymore. I could see all these women talking about their experiences, their girlfriends, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I got on with my life and tried to forget about the place. Then one night, I got into a conversation with my friend from here about our relationship, it was always kinda odd, and people would often ask us if we were dating we were so close, but I felt I could still talk to her about my feelings. That night we talked about how my feelings were still all over the place, that even though I'd gotten over this crush with her, I still wanted to be with a woman. I was miserable and I didn't know what else to do. We talked about it a lot and she told me she'd support whatever I chose to do, and with that, I decided to come back here one night and see if my old friends were still around. I logged into chat on December 5th 2013, I was approaching my 30th birthday that month, and my 10 year anniversary with my fiancé. I didn't recognise anyone at first, then a few familiar faces popped in and it was like I'd never left, and there she was. I'd noticed that all the girls in the room were flirty and outgoing and so my old persona sneaked back in pretty quickly, I started to flirt with everyone in the room I think, I'd been gone a while and I was like a kid in a candy store I guess. But she stood out, to this day I still don't know why her name caught my eye. Something about her just drew me in and I found myself wanting to know more about her. She was the quietest in the room, not really talking much, and maybe that's what intrigued me a little, she wasn't falling victim to my charms like everyone else haha. I tried my hardest to get her attention but she didn't really respond. Then I asked a question, so where is everyone here from? Everyone replied, and then she did, Michigan here.... My first thought was oh no not another one You see the girl I mentioned above was also from Michigan and I made some stupid joke about how I had a thing for women from Michigan. She laughed and went back to being quiet. I did my usual stupid chat stuff, flirted, virtually dancing with the others, think I virtually stripped at one point, but she never said a thing. So I decided I was gonna send her a PM. The reason I had for messaging her was a stupid one, and was all I could come up with, but it got her attention. We chatted for a little after that and then went back to the main room where she started to join in a little more. After the night was over I left her a "Hey you" kinda message on her profile and she responded. From that moment I knew this wasn't your average attraction, after all I had no idea what she even looked like. For the first time I was drawn to a woman before I'd even laid eyes on her. This was a different kind of connection. We talked on and off numerous times after that night. I'd log on to see if she was there and when she wasn't I'd log out again. She wasn't around for a little while after that and I found myself asking around to see if anyone knew where she'd gone. No one knew. Then one day she came back, I didn't ask where she'd gone or what she was doing, I just told her I was glad she was back. I got a little forward after that and asked her for a photo, at this point I was already hooked and I told myself I didn't really care what she looked like because we'd connected in other ways. She told me she didn't share her photos here but she'd pm me one. I was so nervous, what if she wasn't what I usually go for? what if that would be a problem? I loved her personality already, and as much as I don't care about looks, I felt that some kind of attraction had to be there. I opened her message and saw her, she was adorable. I told her right away, I think it made me even more keen to pursue her. But I played it cool this time, I wasn't about to ruin this. Then one day in January of 2014 I made a status, a status that was seated in my depressive nature, she responded in a caring concerned way and told me if I ever needed to talk to message her. She told me later she never thought I'd take her up on the offer and was pleasantly surprised when I did. We got talking, not much, just bits here and there but in private. I showed her my weird bendy joints, mostly I was curious about how she'd react. It didn't phase her, at all, she'd worked in the medical field and anything of that nature didn't scare her off, she seemed more intrigued than anything. So I made the choice to ask if she'd like to chat outside of shys, she was like... Sure! Where? And I said how about WhatsApp? Here's my number, add me, I'll be there. She told me later that she didn't think I was serious, that a girl like me would give her the time of day, that she tried to call my bluff and she was shocked when she found out I was being serious. And that's how Tbare and I began. Outside of shys we became inseparable, we talked every day, we'd call each other, skype, and those feelings I had for her only grew. This was unlike anything I'd ever felt before and at that point I knew, I was gonna have to come clean yet again and tell my fiancé. Only this time I wasn't sure what I was gonna do. This time I couldn't just cut ties and apologise, this time I couldn't push it deep down and forget. I was in love, and it kinda felt like the first time. My boyfriend slowly saw my relationship with her develop over time. He told me of his concerns but I just shrugged them off and said everything was fine. He knew it wasn't. I knew it wasn't. Then one night she told me something on the phone, some bad news, and I broke down in tears. I was genuinely sad for her, I was a mess when my boyfriend walked in and saw me sitting there in a puddle of tears. He had no idea what was wrong and just hugged me in silence. Eventually he asked what was upsetting me so much, and I flat out told him that this girl was going through something and I wanted to be there for her, the fact that I was stuck here and I wanted to be there with her was making me miserable. I didn't want her to be alone. I loved her. I think that was the night we both realised we were over, we were distant after that. I guess we went through a separation, he said he needed time to think before we sat down and talked about it. I saw this as an opportunity to spend more time with her and that was when I knew that my relationship with him was over. Shortly after this the woman who I loved most, my grandmother, my best friend, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. 6 weeks to 2 months they told us at the hospital. As I was the only one not working in my family I stepped up, I was gonna take care of her like she had done me when I was a kid growing up with so many problems. I gave it my all, I was on 24hr call, feeding, toileting, changing, I saw my nana go from the strong independent woman I admired and loved turn into a shell. It broke my heart. I was there for everything, good and bad, we got to spend the most amazing 6 weeks together. But they were also the most heart breaking of my entire life to date. I didn't want to put her through the knowledge that my relationship was over, she'd loved this man like her own grandson for over a decade, they were the best of friends. He was heartbroken when he found out, but agreed we would keep up appearances while she was still with us. He visited her when he could, he'd hold her hand and talk to her for hours, he'd hold bowls under her while she puked up whatever meds they gave her that day, he helped me take care of this amazing lady and for that I will always be grateful to him. During the 2 months my nana was sick I decided to introduce her to T, I kept thinking she isn't gonna get to meet this amazing person I want to share my life with. They had to know each other. So I told her all about her, her life, her family, our friendship, she was always so intrigued about her and always asked about her and how she was doing. Then they spoke on the phone one night while I left them to go do dishes, I came back to hear them both in fits of laughter. They got along well. Then she stopped laughing and said to her, I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it but you're a very beautiful girl, and I'd love nothing more than if you were my 5th granddaughter. That was exactly what I wanted to hear, even though I never really knew if she knew (She asked me on several occasions why myself and my boyfriend had split up, and I kept saying we hadn't) I always told myself that she did and she accepted her and us. Even if she didn't, or wouldn't have, it didn't matter after that. My nana loved me and nothing would have gotten in the way of that. I was there when she took her last breath, I held her hand and told her I loved her. Was the hardest thing I've ever done. T was there for me every day, talking to me, listening to me, sometimes just hearing me cry for hours on end. She gave me the reassurance and the strength to get through it all. She was my rock and I couldn't have done it all without her. On the day my nana died my fiancé showed up to see her, but it was too late for him to say goodbye. I reached out to hug him and he pulled away. I asked him if I could please have a hug, that's all I wanted, he eventually obliged but instantly pulled away. I asked if we could talk, he said it was too late and that I'd made my choice. I guess I just wanted a chance to make a clean break, to talk it all out and say what needed to be said. But he wasn't up to listening, and to be honest I don't blame him. To this day I feel guilt ridden over the whole thing, he was a good man, and I'm not the type of person to hurt anyone. I care too much to ever hurt someone. Yet here I was hurting the one person who'd been there for me for over a decade, no matter what. I wish I could go back sometimes, not to change where I am now, but to change how it happened. I'd have the decency to tell him straight. The last thing he said to me was, we all make mistakes in life, that he has made his fair share too, but we made these mistakes to learn from them. That he hoped that what had happened meant that I'd learn from it and never do it again. I promised him that. He walked away after that and we didn't speak for a long time. It's been 3 years now and we're finally in a good place, we can talk and be friends to an extent, and we still help each other out when we can. I truly hope that he finds someone who is worthy of his love, because like I tell everyone still, they don't make a lot of men like him anymore. My relationship with T only blossomed after that. I went to visit her 4 times in America, which was terrifying as Id never flown before. The first time was in the fall for 2 weeks, second time in the summer for almost a month, the third time again the following summer for almost a month, where she got down on one knee and asked me to be her wife, and then last but not least the fourth time for a month over the Christmas and New Years holidays. We struggle with the distance like any other couple in a LDR, but we make it work. We just had our 3 year anniversary and we couldn't be happier. I have truly found my soulmate, the person I want to spend my entire life with. But at the same time I found myself, which was the most important thing in all of this. We continue to grow as a couple every day and our love for each other has never failed, and it's been tested so many times. I know that she is my happy ending, and I will always do my best to progress forward and get closer to the day we can be together permanently. My family love her and have accepted my relationship with her, although it took some time, and her family love and accept us just the same. We're always gonna encounter people who think we shouldn't be together, and sadly we've known of a few, but the most important ones, and their opinions, are the only ones that matter to us. I thank this place every day for her, she is my reason for all that I do. I fight harder, I achieve more, and I never give up, because of her. She has had such a profound impact on my life, and I have never loved anyone like I love her. She makes me happier than I've ever been, and I hope that I can always make her proud of me as we go through life together. She is my reason for getting up every day and fighting the hand I've been dealt, and I like to think the support, love, and adoration that I have for her has made her more accepting of who she is, and how far she's come, because she is truly an amazing, strong and beautiful woman, and I couldn't be luckier in life than to have her by my side. So I guess I wanna finish this blog (If you've gotten this far) with this, don't be someone you aren't. Don't portray yourself to be anything less than the amazing, unique, individual that you are. We are all blessed with this ability to see the beauty in people, no matter the gender. I think that's a pretty amazing ability to have. So why hide it. I know there are women out there who can't be open and honest to everyone they know, and that we live in a world where this is seen as something wrong in the eyes of many, but never hide it completely. I tried and it ended in disaster. It wasn't until I accepted who I was and embraced it that I was finally able to be happy. Even if the only place you can be open is here, be open, be proud, and never, ever, see it as a curse. I hope not only I, but others who read this, can learn from my mistakes and go on to use this as a way to make their life better. Rocky x
  23. I love me some Brokeback Mountain. LOL. I know it's gay men, but I remember being fascinated with it even before I knew I was bisexual. Other than that, I love Carol and Imagine Me and You. Any others? Favorite scenes? Hot scenes?
  24. This episode murdered me. All of it. Especially the love lost between Bill and Heather. OH MY GOD Also... somewhat like Waters of Mars? Like.. same "monster", totally different resolution? But still. I'm super excited about a lesbian companion.
  25. I've been married for about 10 years and I've never been with a woman... Bi never REALLY felt like the right labe. Although I do prefer "solo-sex," "asexual" doesn't feel right either. But is that preference because I'm asexual or is that because I'm a lesbian in a straight relationship? They say you don't need to be with someone sexually to know your sexuality, but to me it seems like it would be helpful. Oh well.