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Found 136 results

  1. I just wanted to make a short introduction. Glad I stumbled upon this website. Was being a little douche-y and browsing the forums for a few days before mustering up enough courage to actually sign up. Even though, one can be as anonymous as one wants on here, I am still feeling a bit nervous and cautious. Been married for 14 years with two beautiful children. Absolutely in love with my husband. Feel extremely grateful for my life and all that I've been provided. However, just like a lot of ladies on here (remember stalky me was reading up on you guys?!), I have always felt attraction towards other women since forever. I had casually mentioned that to my husband when we were dating and he had made comments like, "oh too bad, you missed your chance" and "let's have a threesome!" We both knew that was just a lighthearted banter going nowhere. Plus, we are not that adventurous. Over the years, we'd talk about who we found attractive and agreed we had the same type! Again, this was all just talk. He is a pretty straight vanilla guy who just happens to be open minded enough to have chats like that. Him and I have an incredible relationship, he is my best friend and our greatest strength is healthy communication. Well, I had a very honest conversation about wanting to have an experience with a woman before I turned 40. Like a goober, I was hoping he'd give me his blessings and maybe even help coordinate! In reality, that conversation got quite intense and I think at that point, he may have realized that I was serious about it ...I had always been serious about it. He basically said that his biggest fear was that I'd leave him for a woman and he will be devastated. That broke my heart. And I kept reassuring him that, that wasn't going to happen. I have told him several times and I've meant every bit of it, that he is all the man I need or want and what I am curious about is something he can't give me. Our last conversation on this topic ended with him saying that he would like me to be happy and we have one life to live so if I want to experiment, I'd have to do it in secret. He wouldn't be able to be ok with it. I don't want to hurt him but I also agree with him that I should be able to experience what I think will bring me joy. I have found certain people attractive off and on throughout my life. I am finding it to be true more so now than before. I have never been with a woman before but I have a very strong feeling that I will love it provided the stars are aligned and the chemistry is there. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I can't see myself being the initiator. I am hoping it'll all happen organically. That's the only way I can justify it with minimal amount of guilt. Guilt. That's another topic for another day. Sigh. I have NEVER admitted to being bicurious to anyone other than my husband so writing this post has been terrifying as well as liberating. Thanks for reading and thanks for allowing me to be part of this community. I promise to keep my douchery to a minimum! Cheers.
  2. This is a strange problem to have.. haha. So, my long-time crush/close friend and i have recently started banging (FINALLY). The catch... she and her fiance were pretty new to even considering stuff like this, and he (hopefully for now,maybe later) isn't okay with one-on-one stuff (unless he'll eventually be involved). Anyway, we've done it twice, and the first time my husband felt like he was being ignored because she and i were all over each other (but hello, we pulled you in to begin with, so maybe take initiative in whatever way you can rather than expecting two people who have wanted each other for a while and finally got it to not be all over each other.. anyway....). He and i discussed it, she and i discussed it, and they discussed it, and she and i both want to try to include them more. Husband did feel more involved this past time.. i tried to make sure i payed attention to him. Pretty sure I still failed, but he's totally at peace with what's been happening now. As far as he's said/acted. So that's good. Never thought I'd say this before experiencing it, but i enjoy having the guys with us.. i feel emotionally closer to all of them, even though I'm not sexually attracted nor physically involved with fiance. I'm emotionally attached to both of them (well, all three including my husband) and sleeping with them has strengthened the feelings i have towards them. I just feel like i need to get the newness out of the way, enjoy only her, then bring them in. But how do you address that? Without coming across as "yeah, so i wanna take your fiance from you for a while and have my way with her" (which i guess is what want ugh this is really weird). I sent him a tipsy text shortly after we left their house last night, haven't heard back yet (they go to bed super early on weeknights so he probably hasn't gotten it) : [Fiance's name] ! Hello. Awkward apologies that i never thought I'd be sending... I'm sorry for basically hogging [crush] last night/this morning. It's all super new, and i keep getting wrapped up and not paying attention and I'm sorry. We value your friendships a lot, and i really don't wanna cause problems or jealousy between any of us. John and i had discussed guidelines for situations like this a long time ago, so we're pretty much on the same page about how things go, but i want to make certain to never overstep your comfort level. Also, awkward statement i never thought I'd make.. i enjoy having you boys involved, and I'd like to be better about it in the future. Also, thank you for being open enough to even be okay with it.. most guys aren't so understanding and secure, and i think that's really cool about both you and John. I'm into his fiance, and I'm pretty sure she's into me beyond just fucking. But i don't ever want to leave my husband for her, nor would i ever want them to split up. Their happiness together makes me even happier. How do you explain this to a hetero man, committed to a bi woman? How do you make them feel welcomed, into the connection we have together? I love them all, each in different ways. Anyway. How do we make this work? How can we involve them more? How can i explain myself, that it's new and exciting for she and i, that we need to push through the newness and excitement of finally sleeping with her to get to an even place? I think we need a group talk... but i wouldn't know how to bring it up or what to say.
  3. Hello everyone! I'm so thankful for this site! I really want to thank everyone for their honesty, because it helps me to feel more comfortable. As I was reading through the posts I felt like you were all telling my story, so there's really no need for me to repeat it other than to say. I am also in a marriage to a great guy but want to feel the touch of a woman in my bed and in my life. I have always been attracted to women but have never had the courage to act on getting involved with anyone. I have been friends with someone for almost six years and I have always been attracted to her and over the years my feelings for her have gotten stronger. I have made jokes about her and I running away together but I have never been able to just come out and tell her how I feel. She is married to a very abusive man. Once she came to work beat up pretty bad and said her husband accused her of having an affair with me. I was devastated, at that point I began pulling away from her because I couldn't bear for that to happen again. I guess my question is for @TBD78 how did you approach your friend? I'm turning 50 soon and I have come to a point in my life that I just don't want to live with this emptiness anymore. Anyway, thanks for reading my post and sharing yours. I really needed to get this off my chest....AWWWWE!
  4. Hi all. I am straight married and have always been bi-curious. I have had tame experiences with females and I am looking for more opportunities to explore my curiosity. Where do I start in this situation? My husband has always known about my curiosity so although I haven't told him I'll be actively looking for a lady friend, I know it will likely be received fairly well. Can I find other girls looking for this kind of thing? I want a no-pressure, up-front kind of situation that I know girls are wanting to explore as I have ZERO experience of picking up a girl in a club and never had the pleasure of a girl try to pick me up either lol. Any advice anyone?
  5. Hello Girls, I’m reaching out to you in the hopes that you will be able to help me out on a little something that’s been wearing heavy on my mind. I discovered this forum a handful of days ago and I’ve been avidly reading lots of posts in the hope that I could find an answer to what’s been gnawing at me. And I found so much tales and experiences, it has motivated me into writing here, from the other side of bi-curious experiences. Buckle up, ladies, this might be a long one. To give a little bit of context, I’m a bi girl, happily married to a woman (3 years married, 10 years together) and in an open-relationship. I’m 26, fully out and comfortable. I’ve been crushing on my sort of coworker (I know, I know, always a terrible idea…!) for 3-4 years, but I never made a move (until recently) because she’s engaged to a lovely man that became my boss - 3 kids, the happy, straight little family. In late fall last year, I had to move to her office with her team, and that’s when the crush started getting a little out of control. Now, I’m a shameless flirt. As I said, I’m comfortable with who I am and my love-life situation, so I decided that I would start flirting with my crush, see if I could get her to react in any way. If she didn’t react, it’d prove me that she is indeed straight/not interested and I’d be able to put it to rest. If she did respond to my flirting, then… We’d see! So I got to know the girl even more (she’s gorgeous, funny, mature and brilliant, just a little quirky and riddled with self-esteem issues that I only got to learn about the more I reached out to her), and we got to talking. She would sometimes smile in a way that made me think she could’ve been interested and, the more we interacted, the more she started asking about my experience with girls, how it works in an open relationship, how she might be curious to be with a girl but it would have to be a “spur of the moment” kind of experience, otherwise her brain would get in the way. Signals everywhere, but in such a subtle way I couldn’t really be sure. And I’m not one to tip toe around something and be contempt with half measures or “maybes”. Except, we saw each other at work every day, her sweetie was my boss, so the whole “want vs should” always had me flacking at the last minute and stopping me from making a big move that would clear things up. And I was not looking for a relationship, really, I don’t even think I wanted to sleep with her at that point. I was just desperately crushing on her and wanted to kiss her, touch her. Nothing planned, I just… Wanted to let it out, that I was attracted to her. So anyway. One night (thanks tequila!!), I texted her that I had flacked again and was on the verge of asking her for a kiss. Her reaction was… Surprising. She was absolutely taken aback. All this time, she had never noticed my attempts at seducing her (and I’m a pretty effective flirter – not to say that I am outright vulgar, but I know how to make a girl swoon), she’d never seenherself as attractive or beautiful or anything, so the fact that someone would see her like this really surprised her. She didn’t say she wasn’t interested, but didn’t say she was either (she’s very careful this way, not wanting to commit but not wanting to close the door either). So I kept on flirting with her, making my intentions clear that I wanted her. We started exchanging messages often, almost every night after work while still being appropriate at work. Some pictures were exchanged (again, thanks tequila!!), and things got a little… Hot. She was curious. She wanted to know what I’d feel like, how a kiss would be like, but things gotta blew up at work (totally unrelated to us), my boss/her fiancé was not so gently nudged out the door, and she told me she couldn’t let herself entertain the thought of us, not while her boy was feeling so bad, not if it would cause her to want something she might never have. I understood, and we decided to slow things down until her boy could feel good enough to be approached with the idea that she could maybe possibly get with me for a kiss. It was still a kiss at this point cause she’s never been with a girl before (stray kisses at parties some years ago but never more) and, as mentioned before, she’s got some self-esteem issues. “But keep your plan in your back pocket”, she told me. So I did. A month after I told her I wanted to kiss her, there was a corporate party. The full week before that, we’d been a little more distant and careful, not wanting things to escalate since she couldn’t promise me anything would happen and didn’t want to lead me on. So it really surprised me when, during the party, glass of wine in hand, she started touching me, one hand on my hip and her tipsy smile wide and flirty. I’d be sitting talking to someone and she’d walk off the dancefloor and sit on my chair, plastered against me. She was happy, flirty, touchy, and generally driving me absolutely nuts. We were drinking the same thing so we decided to share one glass of wine, we did shots, we danced, touched – after the second time of her cute butt finding its way onto my chair, I could not try to be appropriate that much anymore, so I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her fully against me while her hand glided above my shoulder and around my neck. She made comments of how weird it was to see me dancing with a man, sent cutting looks to the people who would come talk to me, always finding an excuse to interrupt and get a little too close, whispering in my ear whatever excuse she had found to get me to herself. I never claimed to have a lot of self-control, but I really tried that night. And failed. At one point, she came to me, dancing, eyes shining and being so fucking pretty, I pulled her close and told her to follow me, no questions asked. She did follow me, to the bathroom (at a work party!!!). I got her into a stall and the look on her face was priceless. She was intimidated, aroused, big blues looking up at me and making me want her even more. So I kissed her. Soft and slow, I kissed her. And she kissed me back instantly. After a handful of kisses, I took her hands – that she had kept nicely along her body the whole time – and brought them to my hips. For the next fifteen minutes or so, we kissed, we sighed, we touched, we pushed and we pulled and it was amazing. I kept reminding myself that we were in a bathroom and that I needed to pace myself; she deserved a real first time with a girl, not a quick, drunken fuck in a bathroom. Eventually my wife texted me, telling me that she had our stuff and that the party was over (!!!). Got out of the bathroom, the lights were on and the party room was empty. We got our things. Got out. She’d always been kinda hesitant, wondering what would happen if we had no chemistry. Well it wasn’t the case. We have mad chemistry. Real life kinda caught up with us after that night. It’s been 8 months since we kissed. We still talk, things got pretty intense – feeling-wise – and we slowed things down to almost a stop (her boy never really fantasized about having a threesome, but said he might like to watch. But then the crush and me talked a lot and he started getting a little passive-aggressive, telling her that she should just fuck me already, or that maybe she was cheating on him with me. So we put some distance between us). Her boy still doesn’t know we kissed, she hasn’t brought it up to him that she might want to hook-up with me (after that makeout session, we knew we wanted to sleep together, even if it was just a one-time thing, we knew we were deeply attracted to each other). I really like the girl, I really really do. She ticks so many of my boxes, she’s so gentle, so hot, so soft, I just want to kiss her again, have her again, even for just a night. But I don’t think that’s the way we’re headed. I think I have to let her go. So there, that’s why I’m here. So you guys can tell me that it’s not meant to be, that she will probably never talk to her fiancé about getting with me. Or, if you think you might have insight on a situation like this and have some suggestions… This is not healthy and I know it, and she knows it too. We want each other a whole lot, but can’t get together “right now”, though I’m starting to think that right now is turning into “never”. I’m changing location in a couple of months, we won’t be seeing each other every day anymore. Maybe it’s time I accept that it’s not gonna happen and move on? What do you guys think? Thanks for reading my little novel
  6. Hi all! Married mama in upstate NY! Just hoping to find some guidance on the (new) intense feelings I have been having lately!! So excited to be here!
  7. Despite having numerous girl crushes when I was growing up, I never had the urge to have sex with another woman until I fell for a close friend. I can't help but wonder WHY I feel this way NOW? I'm not particularly happy with my marriage. My husband and I have almost no intimacy and very little connection. Is my desire for her a direct result of craving intimacy that I'm not getting from my husband? If so, why don't I have feelings for another man? Or is my bisexuality something that was always there and I just never had anyone actually awaken it?
  8. Hi there! I just realized I'm bisexual within the past month, and I'm hungry for connecting with other bisexuals in community. I'm 43 and married to an amazing guy for 18 years. We have 3 adopted tweenagers ( one ahead of herself), and a great life. I finally made myself say out loud to myself, "I want to have sex with women and I pretty much always have." When I told my husband, he was surprised, which surprised me. He's known about my curiosity for decades. He's rolling with it so far. Not any planned acting on it for now, but I think he'll be okay with it eventually. I don't want to hurt him. Thanks for letting me join and for having this space. I look forward to getting to know you guys!
  9. So, my husband has been going to counseling which is great, due to a myriad of issues. I told him about my attraction to women about six years ago. He gave me a free pass to be with a woman and try it out, but due to being busy raising two young kids, and work, and dealing with his mental health issues, there isn't much time to figure out where to go to meet people. I signed up on OK Cupid, and had one person that messaged me to meet up, but after my response to her I haven't heard anything. My husband is more if the mind that I am not attracted to men at all, because i'm not constantly wanting sex. Recently, he told me he was frustrated that i haven't found someone to try it out with, and that he suposedlt knows serveral people that would help me out. I personally would rather allow things to develop organically, and meet people doing the things I already do. I need to feel something for a person before I would even go there, and honestly, I wouldn't want to invite more trouble into an already troubled relationship by "hooking up" with a random person. Just like everyone else on here, I really do want to find soneone, but I'm willing to be patient.
  10. I had to share this article, it resonated so much with me and I'm sure it will many of you... http://www.scarymommy.com/i-had-leave-my-marriage-be-happy/
  11. It has been about a month since my whole world turned upside down and since I joined Shy ( See "What is going on" topic for back story.) After crushing pretty hard on a friend I had for 3 years (who also happens to be my son's, friend's mom), I told her. Butterflies, nerves and all. I had a good enough read on the type of person she was and was willing to take the risk despite both of us being in hetero marriages and identifying as straight. What has ensued since has been the most amazing fairytail there is which clearly has me questioning everything. But also accepting that our sexuality can be fluid and that my 38yo self is different than my 21 yo self. Even tho we are both married with kids and my husband knows that we are exploring, the emotional and physical connection has become so intense. It is very hard to disguise my cloud 9 aura whenever she is near me. All of the elements we felt that were missing in our marriages are being fulfilled with each other and it is overwhelming, but incrediblely fulfilling. Our moods instantly shift to happy/giddy when in each other's company and it is a feeling I can't imagine ending. Physically...this is something my wildest dreams couldn't have conjoured up. Every little touch,graze, kiss, gaze sends electric to my core...a feeling I haven't felt in forever (if ever). It has changed from a want to a need. Our encounters have differed in intensity some have been sensual & romantic and others lustful - they are all good. I wish I had a crystal ball to predict what will be, but for now it feels like heaven. I hope this doesn't come crashing down on me...just don't know what reality is or should be anymore..
  12. The good old saying "home is where the heart is" right? I recently immigrated so my heart is still at my home, and then from an intimacy perspective, all this thinking of women whilst married-the saying leaves my heart confused and it prompted me to write this poem with a double meaning. If this gets read, I hope you enjoy. You may not have immigrated but hoping you can relate to the conflict of the heart... "Home is where the heart is": I wish somebody could climb into my mind, To understand my pain and confusion inside, To help guide me on the right way, Do I leap forward or best I stay? My foundation has crumbled, My soul is not strong, Confusion reigns, I don't know where I belong, Backwards and forwards, Feels like it will never end, I long for peace, To feel whole again... The noise, the chaos-it must go away I ask again-should I stay? How will I know if this is home? This is the problem-it's unknown. I wish I had a crystal ball, Something to guide me and tell me all. The devil you know or the devil you don't- The devil I want but the devil I won't... And I ask where happiness begins and where it ends- What is real and what is pretend? Follow head or heart, How will I know? Do I stay or do I go? This never-ending cycle of anxiety and pain- I need the answer to feel whole again...
  13. Please share your experience if you have had a fwb arrangement when you are married. Was this purely physical for you? And what boundaries did you have in place? How long did it last and how did you keep it together.
  14. Hi! Been checking out this forum for a bit and finally ready to join. I'm married for 8 years but partnered for 20 with a wonderf man. Recently accepted that I am very curious and my husband is accepting. Hoping to get some guidence from like minded ladies as I sort this all out.
  15. Oh my goodness. I am so happy I found this site. I have always been attracted to women and have always felt alone about it. I am a strong woman of Christian faith and so the inner struggle is so hard because all I have ever wanted was to experience being intimate with a woman but I feel so conflicted about it. I am a happily married 40yr old with some amazing kids. My hubby knows I am attracted to women and thinks it's hot of course. I have never found a woman with whom I have clicked enough to even desire being with her. I have just fantasized a lot....and watched lesbian porn occasionally. Well...we just moved and don't you know my neighbor is gorgeous inside and out. We became immediate besties. But I have to be honest, all I want to do is make out with her and get my hands on her most amazing breasts. I have had erotic dreams about her. I've told her this, but she has no interest in being with a woman. CRUSHED!!! I am enjoying reading through so many of the posts on this site. To finally have people to talk with about this is amazing. So far only my husband and neighbor know. I've never told anyone else. And I'm so nervous about anyone in my life finding out.
  16. Hi ladies, I just joined a couple of days ago and am so happy to have found a site to meet and chat with ladies like me. I've been married almost 20 years and am trying to figure out if I want to spend the rest of my life in this situation. Looking forward to meeting some like minded ladies and make new friends.
  17. So am in late 40s married (happily- almost perfect) with young children below 10. Always been attracted to women. Decided to look this year. Met in person with 3 women. The first one we were not compatible so we cut off communicating. The second we decided to be friends and still talk, the third Has decided to be just friends says she doesn't want to ruin my family. I am a little bit hurt but do understand and will plan to remain friends. The question( which I know no one can answer for me) what do I do with this long standing attraction. Do I continue looking and run the risk of ruining my family, or do I bury the issue and suffer silently. May be I should just back off for a few months and reevaluate? i had crushes and some petting with straight girlfriends in school and college but not a full blown experience . I would like to hear others experience.
  18. 2017 has been a whirlwind of a year for me. I don't know if it has been good or bad. Let me start at the beginning so that you have some background information. I was raised in a very conservative Christian household, very sheltered and naïve. I've never been allowed to be independent growing up and went from my parents house to living with my husband. The summer after I graduated I first heard the term lesbian. That was the summer that I really started questioning myself. I a crush or two with the counselors that I worked with but I didn't have a clue what those feelings really meant. At the end of that summer I met my future husband. We dated for 2 years and he knew that I was possibly bisexual before we got married in 2002. It wasn't until I found Shybi that I could understand and come to terms with my feelings. By this time I had been married for 6 years. My coming out process was difficult since there were only a few people that supported me. Most of my family to this day still consider it "MY PROBLEM." Ever since I came out I longed to be with a woman. I didn't want a one night stand. I wanted a woman whom I could connect with mentally, physically, and emotionally, It took me 8 years to find her, but it was well worth the wait. On our first meet I was only expecting to walk away as friends, someone who could relate to me. Instead I found someone whom I've really connected with. We are both married, but she has a son and I have no children of my own. I have been married for 15 years and she has been married for 7 years. This really has complicated our relationships with each other and our husbands. We have been dating each other since Jan and as of this month we have mutually decided to just be friends with benefits until we can work a few things out like our own personal struggles and our marriage. Ever since I met her I have really been questioning my orientation again. Am I bisexual or am I a lesbian that is married to a man? I know very contradicting. I am so confused. Looking back at my childhood I've had crushes on different women in my life from a teacher, to a few friends. I was never really boy crazy and can count the men that I have dated on one hand, including my husband. I was sexually abused by two different men in my family and my father who was rarely around was both mentally and emotionally abusive. The thought of a man touching me or me having to touch them has become a big turn off for me. I don't feel attracted to men anymore. I still get turned on most of the time with my husband. I don't know if it just because my body has been programmed over the years to respond to him since I am comfortable being around him. In order for me to get any relief I still think of my experiences with my friend even with him. The more I digest my experience and my attraction between both men and women. I am starting to believe that I am actually gay not bisexual.. If I am gay then what does that mean to my marriage. He is a wonderful guy who doesn't deserve to be treated badly. He has stuck with me through all the tough times, especially through my coming out process. I was so confused and angry during that time of my life. He is allowing me to spend time with my friend and giving me space to figure myself out. He even accepts that I am not straight and supports me through everything All I can think about is her. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her if our paths would ever meet like that, but in order to do that we would both have to divorce our husbands. My fwb doesn't want me to leave my husband for her. I feel like I am drowning. I am confused with everything fighting my internal struggles with my orientation and me debating whether I should stay in my marriage.
  19. I've been on here awhile now reading the forums and all the suggestions about open communication. However, this is NOT an option for me. I had hinted to my husband in the past and he blew it off or joked about threesomes. This time I explicitly told him I wanted to explore with another woman and he responded with a few lovely derogatory terms. The desires and the fantasies about other women are only increasing, and I am afraid trying to ignore it will not be an option much longer. I recently joined a group for polyamorous/bi women that is an hour away, but I am not sure where to go from here. Going to the women's support group means convincing him to watch the kids, and anything more local means posting a picture of my face online that could be seen by non-members (him). Any one have suggestions on balancing needs vs reality when they are complete opposites?
  20. Has anyone tried to reconcile an experience with someone that ended abrubtly when both parties still feel emotional and spiritually connected and incredible desire persists? Some background - two "straight," married, never been with a woman before duo of besties fell for each other. Had a whirlwind emotional and physical relationship for four months that ended abruptly. Spent the next 5 months up, down and all around - keeping all the physical at a hault due to marriage vows. All the while, trying to reconcile what happened, what it meant, what the impact was, how it is or can be defined and finally what the heck is next oh and maintaining a best friendish like relationship that clearly is more then just "friends." So as we both seek answers there feels like a major tug of war going on in our lives. We love our husbands but the physical part /connection is just not there for either of us. Neither of us want to "give up our lives" but we are fighting this so called "tug of war" of emotion and desire. I know there are no easy solutions or solutions that will end up without hurting people.... I don't exactly know what I'm looking for in terms of responses...maybe some advise on how to handle, maybe train my brain differently, just feeling a bit lost...
  21. Hey Everyone! I’m new here, married from the GTA. First off I jus wanna say how cool it is to know there’s a community of like-minded females, and so many of y’all! For me the ultimate ideal scenario would naturally start with friendship. She is also married, mature-minded, intelligent, trustworthy, laid back, a great communicator, sexy with a great sense of humour that also loves to travel. Someone we could do all the typical “girlfriend” type stuff with. Both our husbands would know and be very supportive of us. They’d know one another and occasionally we’d do platonic couple things together cus we’re all chill like that. Our bond would be very tight but never threatening to either marriage. If she was also a mom, although not a deal breaker if she wasn’t, that could be an added level of understanding. It could possibly be more like a GF type over a FWB. My hubby is very supportive and open-minded about my explorative nature. Thru my experiences so far I know there’s potential. I haven’t officially had my “first" physically jus yet…online flings / relationships. I do receive a lot of offers though from lesbians, bi, bi-curious etc. I’m attractive and they fall quick, been told my aura is very strong.
  22. Hi! I'm totally new here. I've been trying to find bisexual/queer friends as I don't really have any in real life (especially when most people in my country stay pretty much in the closet anyway). I even joined some dating sites but it's a hit or miss because I'm not really looking to date as I am in a committed monogamous relationship and polyamory isn't my thing. I don't really know what else to add to my introduction here... ask me questions if you're curious, I guess?
  23. Any advice would be appreciated... As I've written before, I've had a crush on a friend for over 3 years, nearly 4 at this point. I'm not sure if what i was perceiving was actual flirting, or just me wishing it was and projecting my feelings. But since we met, there have been too many instances to ignore where something suggestive has been said about us, or between us, or something has happened. It always seemed like she'd warm up and act flirty for a while, then suddenly cool down. About a year ago, I'd pretty much gotten over my feelings for her, and it stayed that way for several months. Then on NYE this year, she held my hand on the ride home from the party. It sort of resparked my interest, but I was still unsure. I'd been talking to another lady friend of mine about a potential fwb situation, because we're both basically lesbians who fell in love with men who accept and support our sexuality. I'd told my crush about that. Then a month later at a bar, she drunkenly began making out with me, passionately, for a long time, and we almost went back to her house to have sex. It was possibly the most aggressive makeout session I've had with a woman ever. We didn't talk about it for several months, and I got the feeling she didn't remember it, and didn't necessarily mean for it to happen. Our friendship had grown quite a bit, and i was enjoying that, while simultaneously struggling to push my feelings aside and forget what had happened (and what almost happened) between us. I took her out for her birthday in May, and we split a bottle of wine and had an additional glass each, then went to the park to walk around. I don't remember what brought it up, but she mentioned the time we made out, and told me I was really good at it. She then told me that after we made out, she and her fiance had discussed the possibility of she and I having sex, but that she didn't want to have anyone watch (neither do i) and her fiance insisted on being there if it were to happen. *grrrr* She also made certain to let me know she wouldn't feel weird at all about me seeing her naked, just my husband. I failed to mention that it had crossed my mind (a few hundred times) and that my husband and I have discussed it too, and honestly, there was a lot more i wish i would have said but i was in too much shock to think straight. There was a point at the park where i felt such a strong pull to lean in and kiss her, but i was too afraid of how she'd respond. Looking back, i kind of wish i had. I was in a good place for a while, thinking she might want what i want too, and i was willing to be patient and hope that somehow we could all discuss it and figure out a solution. If nothing else, intimacy had at least crossed her mind, which i took as a good sign. One night, about a month ago, she and her fiance came out to the bar i work at while we were just hanging out, and a coworker mentioned how close she was sitting to me, and that it seemed to him that her body language communicated that she reciprocated whatever i was feeling about her. She came over a couple of weeks ago with a bottle of wine, and gave me a little makeup lesson, then she, her fiance, my husband and I went to a work event with her fiance's coworkers at a brewery, then back to their house for a bit. Everything seemed fine then too. Then suddenly, she seems like she's completely gone cold the past couple of weeks. She barely responds to texts (she's always been bad at that anyway), she hasn't initiated any contact or asked to hang out, barely acknowledged my birthday last week and as far as i know, she and her fiance ignored my husband's invitation to come out to celebrate (which only added to the mountain of disappointment i was already experiencing about my birthday), and didn't seem too excited about canoeing a few days after my birthday (though we did try, but the river was too high so we settled for hanging out at a little man-made beach). I don't even feel like we're as close of friends as we were a month ago. I can't think of anything i might have done to upset her, unless she somehow figured out i was crushing on her, and is weirded out by it (although, I'm fairly certain the only way she could have is if she read some of my posts here, which is unlikely, but still possible as she is bisexual also). And I don't want to just ask her and come across as needy and obsessive if I'm just overthinking things. I'm just sick of being confused, sick of the (seemingly) hot and cold, sick of wanting something i probably can't have. I just want to find someone to take my mind off of her. I don't want to keep holding on to something i might be imagining. But if there's a chance, i do want it. What should i do? I'm not good at just cutting off my feelings, and i don't want to lose her friendship by pulling myself back too much (though i have decided I'm going to stop trying to initiate seeing her until she indicates she wants to hang out). I'm just so frustrated. How do you stop wanting someone? Why are there so many mixed signals?
  24. Not posted on forums for ages and boy have things changed. As I said before after discussing my bisexuality with my hubby turns out he's bi too so we set out to explore together. We joined a swingers site and found other bi couples. We have met one other couple. The guys played and the girls played. Great fun! I've also had a night away with my bff which resulted in us getting it on unexpectedly. She has always flirted but I was never sure how to take it. Hubby has found a new BFF too through our swinger site who is also bi and great fun. So all in all a very happy journey so far
  25. My 25th wedding anniversary is around the corner as well as my 50th birthday and I have decided that today is the day I am going to start to figure this all out! My husband and I have talked at length about my desire to be with another woman and he has always said he would be fine with it but I just don't know where or how to start. I don't want his help or really his input because this is not about him and I also don't want his questions about my search because this selfishly is about me. I am not looking to change my status but I am looking to find another woman to build a friendship and more with. I have tried to fill this void by being more adventurous and trying new things in the bedroom but let's face it...we have been together for 28 years and no matter how adventurous we get I am still left with this void... So, today is the day and I would welcome any advice that y'all might have.