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Found 38 results

  1. Well, today I found out that my Girlfriend was already dating a guy before I even got the chance to tell her that I think we should be friends. Wow! I'm not hurt but pissed now. She lead me to believe she was interested in a monogamous relationship with me. She even sat me down to tell me what she was "about." Meaning not dating more than one person at a time. She said she had " been with women" but not had a relationship with one but, that she really vibes with me and that it wasn't about what someone had between their legs for her but, what they felt. But then, when I'd try to ask her out, after we had been intimate, she was always busy. I had started to pick up signs that she wanted out but wasn't woman enough to admit it. So, that's why I ended it. Now she's following me around like a lost puppy, not because she wants me back but, because we work together and she doesn't want me mad or drama at work. She's afraid I'll post the many nude photos of herself that she sent me in the short time we dated. Sigh, I hope most women aren't like her. If they are, I'd rather be alone. 1
  2. Just wondering--what sort of relationship do you hope to have with a woman? Are you looking for something long term--falling in love, marriage even--or do you see yourself involved more casually, in a friends-with-benefits situation or hook-ups and one night stands? Or do you plan to act on your desires for a woman at all? I'm curious where everyone stands on this. For me, I wouldn't say I'm strictly looking for a woman; I'm just open to meeting who I meet. It may be that I meet a guy I really like, and that'd be fine. But I am a bit (ok, a lot) biased toward the hope that I meet a girl. When and if I do, my aim would absolutely be to fall in love and ultimately get married. I want that deep, emotional, soul connection. What about you?
  3. A lot of people like myself like to say that we don't have a type. Honestly, I've been pleasantly surprised by unexpected crushes and like to keep an open mind because of that. As a pretty inexperienced baby bi who is freshly getting into this dating game, mostly online dating I've noticed that although I have an open mind, there are some big Deal Breakers for me. -racist or prefers not to date certain races -smokers. No shade but I've had some really rough experiences being asthmatic, so smoking would really suck -rude or arrogant -no ambition, dreams or goals for their ljfe I feel like there might be more but those are the ones that would get a hard no from me Let's start a conversation, what are your deal breakers/turn offs?
  4. I have two strongly opposing core desires: Freedom and connection. Having been married (and in several relationships) which I felt very controlled, I have a strong desire for freedom, and to do things my way now. In fact when anyone tries to tell me how to do something, or I feel the slightest hint of an attempt of control of me (whether real or imagined) I get triggered. But at the same time I desire connection with another woman, and a future relationship. I guess connection is a really basic need for everyone, but relationships not so much for all. What I want to know is can we still feel free in a relationship? How does it work?
  5. Hey guys! I need some advice on my ongoing situation. To keep it short, there's this girl who I'm basically in love with. She's a year older than me and we work together, but over the past month or so we've become insanely close out of the blue. I've known her for a few years now but we never really used to talk at work or even notice each other much until last month, which was super strange. I have no idea why it happened. At first, i was getting vibes from her and she was definitely flirting with me. We are very touchy with each other and it doesn't feel awkward or weird. One day, she mentioned something about how she used to think she was a lesbian because she could never get any guys in high school or something like that. But other than that, she hasn't ever really verbally confirmed her sexuality. I'm assuming she's straight. She has a boyfriend and they are serious, they've been together for at least three years. I'm bi, and I think she knows. I've talked about having feelings for girls (or a girl) before to her. Lately, my feelings and attraction for her have skyrocketed and it's starting to drive me insane!!! I have no idea what to do or how to proceed. I want to be with her all the time and cuddle and be intimate with her...it's not even necessarily sex. I just want to be close with her all the time, and when I am with her I'm so happy. I miss her so much every second i'm not with her, which is quite a lot. I'm worried if I tell her, it could make things awkward between us and I don't want that because we work together. I think she'd be understanding, but you never know. Especially since she has a boyfriend. She's never ruled out being attracted to women or being willing to experiment before. Basically, I just don't know how to proceed. I'm seeing her again in a few days and I'd like some advice on how I can either talk to her about my feelings without it becoming terribly awkward (we're both in our early 20's). Thank you so much! :-)
  6. Welp, it’s official. I can’t do it. And by that, I mean I’ve been kicked off the ‘fun’ train of exploring sex with strangers. This is technically no surprise; I’ve always been that way. I’m not that type of person who gets a kick out of having flings and sexting random people online that I have no connection with. But since discovering my bisexuality, I have realized even more that I’m truly a demisexual. I have joined the Kik app a while back because I had a couple of women from Cafemom there that needed chat buddies. Of course, they were from sexual type groups, so quite obviously, I knew they’d be some sexual talk involved. I didn’t mind that. What I DIDN’T expect was for them to be so overly fucking horny that they’d actually pressure me into sharing pictures of myself. Nude pictures of myself. I didn’t know how bad it was out there. The groups are full of alternative thinking moms, lesbian moms, and bisexual moms. I didn’t know how serious the sexting world was until I stepped into that arena and got bombarded by ladies private messaging me and trying to get me to show myself. I thought these things would take time. If anything, i thought that this would be a group effort or group pressure. But nope. Some of the ladies talk to me privately and within minutes of meeting them, they’re flashing me a titty pic or their flat asses in a thong. Like I said, obviously, I kind of expected this stuff, even though this was my first time in that sexting world. But I didn’t expect the ladies to show their stuff so soon and beg me to to it also. I mean, literally beg. One lady was seriously fucking coaxing me into showing her an ass pic, even after I told her a couple of times that I wasn’t comfortable with it. Like, damn, why are they so desperate? Isn’t sharing porn pics enough? Apparently, it wasn’t enough. They want to see YOU. Is that supposed to make it seem more genuine? Of course, hubby knew that I was trying out these sexy Kik groups, and he was semi-okay with it as long as I didn’t show any nude pics. But I honestly had no desire to show myself, anyway. I can’t get that intimate with someone until we’ve established a relationship. My mind won’t let me do it. I don’t just throw my naked bits out there to the internet. Who knows if these women are even women at all? Hell, you never know these days. Could be transwomen. Could be men trying to see these pics. I trust nothing. I love talking about sex like anyone else, but I don’t like the feeling of being pressured into showing myself. If I’m not doing it, I’m not doing it. That should be the end of it. But I should have known better. I know this world and how people react sexually. If they’re showing something, they want something in return, even though I never actually asked for any nudes from them. They just… shower one another with it. So for now, I’m in the process of weeding myself out of some of these toxic groups. I can’t deal with the pressure. It’s nice seeing the daily tit, ass, and pussy pics (most of which aren’t even attractive enough for me, sad to say LOL), but I still have some morals. One of which don’t include showing nude pics to goddamn strangers. Only someone who loves me and cares for me deserves to see me naked. And even though I feel like a damn prude for it, I’m a happy prude and I’ll stay that way.
  7. I am curious to know what the women in this forum want from a woman in terms of their bi relationships. Are you looking for casual sexual encounters, an emotional connection too, or a full-blown love affair? There are quite a few posts where people seem to think that they can control the emotional side of things once they begin to have a sexual relationship with a woman, and I'm sure many of us know that this isn't the case. Sex with a woman can be an extremely intense and powerful experience (and downright explosive!), very different from sex with a man (even one you are genuinely in love with), so it isn't to be underestimated. For those of you who are in more than one relationship and/or who are in a relationship with a woman who is involved with someone else, how do you handle jealousy and other emotional complications? I personally find navigating the emotional landscape of two relationships at once very difficult, and have sometimes felt consumed with jealousy about my lover being with her boyfriend/husband, even though I am with someone else too (I know, it's totally hypocritical, but it's very difficult to control this sort of thing...).
  8. Inspiration: This poem came from a situation recently I experienced which, can't be summed up easily, but I will try without going into way too much past history. I have a friend. We had a past, in that we were in love once upon a time, but though emotions were intense through an LDR and I'd even went to visit her a few times, we never really got together due to other complications. Things were sort of open between us, in that we went on our separate ways, dated people, and though it was talked about on numerous occasions about possibly moving in with one another, or trying to step up our relationship it didn't happen for a number of reasons... It goes a little something like this: We met in a chat room years ago. She and I hit it off instantly, but she had multiple interests. Though she was my primary one, I let myself get wrapped up in other people too. And there were offline people I was interested in as well. It may be putting too fine a point on it saying we were teenagers, and we both had other interests, and were likely all over the place emotionally for that fact, still trying to find ourselves by losing ourselves in others. But if she'd have cast aside her other admirers I would have only been with her. Or at least I would like to think so. Being older and hopefully a bit wiser than I was then, I've come to the conclusion that part of the reason that didn't happen, was because neither of us was really ready to handle that kind of commitment in our lives at that time. In any event, we went on to write countless letters to each other, and called all the time. We stayed in near constant contact with each other even though our relationship wasn't clearly defined by labels, we both loved each other very much and knew it, but we went on about our lives... But then came a year in which for varying reasons we lost contact. I had a lot going on in my real life around then, and had gone offline with no internet access for most of it. Eventually I began to go to the library when they started to offer free access, and went back to the old chat room where we had met and she was on. She was happy to see me, still had feelings for me, etc. However she'd met a guy in the chat room while I was gone, they had not only moved in together during that time, but become engaged. I was in shock at the time. Eventually over the years we'd talk about the state of things, and she was sure she wanted me to be with her, but she could never really say in what way. If I would just be a friend and roommate or if she wanted me to be her lover as well as her fiance'. Doubts circulated among all three of us if it would work, and no matter how many times it crept up in our conversations over the years, it would get shot down for one reason or another. I stopped bringing it up eventually because, I got tired of the old wounds it reopened. I had mourned and gotten over her though I still loved her, but that aspect of our relationship I let go of, because I didn't see any conceivable way it could ever happen. Fast forward to a few years ago. She tells me she met and fell in love with another guy online. That he was going to move in with her and her boyfriend (no longer fiance') and that he would be a second boyfriend to her. So whatever, her life, I had mixed feelings about it but I had a boyfriend myself by this point (and had come to the conclusion for myself that she had before me that I had need for multiple people. Although in my case if my boyfriend and I were not together, I'd only be seeking a woman to build a relationship with) so who I was I to judge really? Then we come to just last month. We'd been on and off contact for a while. Then when we do, really get to talk again, she relates to me how boyfriend # 2 left her, and she had broken up with boyfriend # 1. However, she pretty much would have the same exact life with boyfriend # 1 as she'd always had before. Unless she met someone to 'replace' him with she wouldn't leave him. However she brought up the idea, that maybe I (or my boyfriend and I) could fill that niche for her, and be with her in a real relationship. Now that floored me. Because I felt it was a more serious offer from her, but I didn't take it. For one, she wanted to be with me, but she would eventually have to have another man. On the surface of it she's always been more straight, and I'm like her 'exception' to the rule. Whereas I can't fault her for needing someone else (as I have a boyfriend myself, and she's okay with this) it's more the fact that she may very likely put me on the back-burner for the male attention even if she didn't realize it. Another problem I have with it, is I doubt it would be a very equal partnership. She tends to have things more her way than she realize, or uses others as an excuse for her own actions. She's very responsible otherwise, but her priorities can get skewed. It would not work out even though this looks like everything I'd want on the surface, dig deeper and you find the faults...There's so many other reasons I could get into but the thing that trumps all other reasons is I just don't feel that way about her anymore. And that's where this came out of: Out of Turn, Out of Time. So many people seek, what so few can find, ask to gain, when to part with they would mind, Why would you demand, that which you fail to give, Why would you take my hand, then tell me how to live. Why can't you understand, what you seek is in the past, How can you want me, when what you need can't last, I am not her, I can't be who I was then, Those feelings have died, never to rise again. A flower in your garden, without sun cannot bloom, Fighting for affection, would surely seal it's doom, I will not be one among many, though I ask that too, It is only one other I ask also to share with, not everyone like you. The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few, I could never have enough, or be enough for you. Why did you wait until now, to reveal these feelings to me? Thinking I'd always be around, ready to scale your tree? And pluck your forbidden fruit, sours before the taste, Twists to ashes in my mouth, such a bitter waste, Enslaved to pretty promises, I will not take that bait, For all that we are friends, and all that our meeting may have been fate, For anything else, what you offer is far too little, too late.
  9. I think I will endeavor to try to post a little something here everyday. For today I decided to go with a poem. Even though this has been posted elsewhere on this website, I thought it might not hurt to post here. I may occasionally pull relevant things off, to put here off the main website. I wrote this after a failed attempt at a relationship, and a more botched attempt at a friendship to follow after things went bad. She was a fellow Shy, so I'm not going to get into it. But, I think I should put down my inspiration here, because to me that is as important, if not more so than the poetry that it inspires itself...Maybe someday we can talk without the rawness and the pain getting in the way, but for now I doubt it. Though only time will tell... Today Today is a day like no other, It's a day I haven't cried, Haven't felt I died, Because of all the feelings left untried, when my heart hadn't been ripped asunder. Yesterday was like the others, giving too much of myself away, wishing there was someone to say, I'll help you hold your fears at bay, not leave you like all the others. Tomorrow will be a day, just another, Please let it be better than this Let me not long for your kiss, Don't let me imagine such bliss, If I'll never be your lover. Next day, could be like the others, or the start of something new, but with who, if not with you? I'd rather not try just to be blue, Better keep my heart undercover. Then one day, when I'm brave unlike the others, I'll admit that though I love you, You won't come back and we're through, And nothing more will your heart move, So I'll boldly venture out and seek another. But days come and they go, they start and they end, I will always miss you, and wish you were at least my friend, Maybe Fate will take pity, or you'll see I meant no harm, A miracle will grace us, Maybe another times the charm, But I don't hold my breath, when all I want from you, is to be in your life, That's all I ask it's true. But that day, not like the others, I'll run and embrace you, as whatever you'd want me to, labels hardly matter whatever we may do, Just let me be there and show how much I care. Because another day spent without you. is another day lost, another day we could have shared.
  10. I personally don't mind it. But what is your take on that?
  11. Okay here is the situation, I have met a woman who is single and bisexual. She likes me and my husband. My husband is open to me dating women and having relationships with them. He only ask that I am open about how I feel. He believes that communication is all he needs. That being said this woman wants to be our Unicorn. I actually have never written this option out. My question is have any of you had a relationship like this? If you have had this kind of relationship, do you have any advice? She and I have talked about the one rule that would have to be followed. She and I can be intimate without him, but my husband and she cannot. This is because he feels it would be better this way. My husband is okay with this type of relationship, but he wants me to be happy. He has told me it is up to me if I want to go this direction. He would be fine if she and I date only. I want to thank you all in advance for your advice.
  12. So, a few years ago now when I first became a moderator here I decided to write a blog explaining my life to date, my journey if you will. A little background on the woman who'd become your new mod. But, after deciding to leave shybi shortly after, I deleted that blog along with my profile before I left. Looking back at that now it seems kinda foolish, mostly because I didn't back up a copy before I erased it, and because of that here I sit at my keyboard once again. At the moment I'm trying to remember what I shared, but my memory isn't my best feature so I guess I'm starting this from scratch. So here goes... This will likely be my only blog, like an extension of my profile if you will. Just to let you all know who I am and why I'm here. Maybe I can help some of you with my story in the process. I'm not one to overshare usually, not with strangers anyway, but I do like to use my experiences in life in order to help others, so I'll try to do this without going into too much detail. My story began like a lot of women here, growing up I always felt different to the other girls. I was very close in age to my sister and cousin and so the 3 of us were brought up like siblings and spent most days together. When they'd have dolls and pretty dresses, I'd have cars, climb trees and get dirty. Now I don't want to sound like your typical uneducated idiot who believes girls should have dolls and boys should have cars, I believe in giving children whatever toy most interests them, there's no girl or boy toys in my house, but at that young age it made me feel like I was different because I wasn't your "typical girl" like them. As I got older they started to discover make up, and do each other's hair, and I'd be out playing sports and not giving a crap about how I looked. All my friends were boys, I did try and make friends with girls but I just didn't feel comfortable being around them because they didn't like what I liked. It wasn't until I was 12 that I finally became best friends with a girl. She was nothing like me, she loved make up, and boys (something I'd never even thought about). We would spend a lot of time in her room listening to music which was something we both loved, and talking about whatever pop star we had a crush on. I didn't really notice boys at that point, but I went along with it because I wanted her to like me. We did everything together, we were always together, then I started to develop feelings, for her. At that point I told myself it was wrong, that it wasn't how things were meant to be. In the end I became really jealous every time she spoke to any other girls, and maybe that became more and more obvious to her, then after a while we were no longer friends anymore. I was devastated. Told myself I'd not let that happen again and went back to making friends with boys until my late teens. I think this was the realisation for me that I was different, but because I felt it was wrong I hid it from everyone and tried to push it down inside me hoping if I ignored it long enough it would go away. I was 19 before I got into my first serious relationship with a man. I never really trusted them to be honest, things had happened in my past that made me very wary of them, and so it wasn't easy for me to even talk to them never mind trust them. We met over the phone, we started texting on some chat function our phones had back then. It was 2003 and not a lot of people I knew had the internet, nor did we have the flash phones we have these days. He was very sweet and kind, he told me his story, I told him mine, we connected in a way I never had with anyone else and we met after talking for 11 months. He travelled around 200 miles to come see me where I live, he met my family and was the perfect gentleman. Everyone loved him. I had an inkling back then that even though he was this wonderful amazing man that loved me no matter what, that something just wasn't right about us. I put it down to my anxiety and having little experience with relationships. I'd struggled many years with health issues, which I told him all about, he understood when I told him about my depression and anxiety issues, because he himself had them too. But when it came to my physical health issues it was a new thing for him. But he surprised me, he was completely understanding, accepting, and patient. You see I've had a genetic connective tissue disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome since birth, you hear about it a lot more these days but back then it was unheard of. I suffered with daily joint dislocations and pain, not to mention all the other wonderfully gruesome stuff that comes along with it. It didn't phase him, he was there during surgeries, hospital appointments, medication trials, he saw me go through some of the worst years of my life. He was also the first person I told about my attraction to women, again it didn't phase him at all. He was completely understanding of my admission that I was bicurious, which is essentially what it was back then, and told me that as long as I was always honest with him and never unfaithful, he had no problems with this. That's when things started to turn kinda pear shaped in my eyes. He kinda gave me that acceptance that I'd always looked for, and I started to notice women a lot more after that. I would often comment on a beautiful woman when I was with him and he'd laugh and agree. Then it progressed, once again I made a female best friend. I was new to the internet and we kinda met online, we spent many years being the best of friends, telling each other everything, sharing stuff that girls share with their besties, but we never actually met which I think helped me avoid temptation. It took a while to develop but I started to have feelings for her. So I went to my boyfriend and told him, he made the odd joke here and there and referred to us as "the lesbians" when in our company. We'd just laugh it off, sometimes I would make a comment that was maybe overstepping for him but because she would respond to it, in a jokey fashion, he seemed okay with it. I crushed on that girl for so many years, but like the previous friend we drifted apart. She moved on with her life, got a boyfriend, and we just stopped talking as much as we used to. I was so sad, it was like I'd ended a romantic relationship. My boyfriend could see it too, he tried his best to even help us reconnect but it never happened and so I just moved on with my life too. Had a big surgery after that and he was my rock through the recovery, learning to do things as simple as walking again, but as always was very understanding and patient. He asked me to marry him shortly after, and I said yes. Fast forward to the day I joined shybi, it was 2011 and myself and my fiancé had been together for almost 8 years. We were happy enough I guess, things never did seem right but I thought maybe it was because we'd been together a long time and relationships do change over long periods of time. I didn't talk to him anymore about my feelings for women, I kept it all bottled up inside and hoped it would go away, after all I was engaged now and so what did it matter. But the years took their toll on me and I found myself more and more unhappy. Then I found this place. I was randomly looking online, searching the terms "bicurious" and "bisexual" and I guess trying to understand it. That's when I came across this place. It was like an Aladdin's cave I must admit, I was incredibly keen, ask any of the old mods here what I was like haha. It was like I'd finally found a place I could be me. I didn't want to come over as depressing, nor did i want anyone to know of my disabilities, and so I decided to create a persona, and that is when "Rocky" was born. I was a huge flirt, I think I hit on every girl who showed an interest in me. I posted all over the forums too, I had finally found a place full of women like me. I wasn't here to find someone, I wasn't here to hook up or date, I was simply here to be myself without judgement. Even if I did come across as trouble, and got in trouble a few times, I loved every second of it. I think the ladies here started to get to know me too, they saw through my mask and discovered that underneath it all I was actually a really kind, caring and understanding individual. People would come to me with their problems and I'd always do my best to help out. I became a permanent fixture here after only a few weeks and I'd never been happier. Now I don't suppose she'll mind me talking about it here, I won't give names or details, but after only a few weeks it happened again. I met someone. We flirted, we talked, we got to know each other, and we soon realised we were very alike. Our lives similar in creepy ways, our hobbies and interests were mirrored in each other, even our boyfriends looked alike, and we soon realised we could tell each other everything. We became the best of friends, we knew there was more there and we often discussed it in detail, but in the end we knew that nothing would ever happen because we both wouldn't leave our partners, and mine wasn't open to anything outside the relationship. Not to mention she was American and I never thought there was a chance we'd ever meet. But we became best friends, and our boyfriends became friends too, and then our families, after a while it was like we'd always been in each others lives. But deep down my feelings for her clouded my judgement and I made foolish mistakes that cost me her friendship, and my relationship, on multiple occasions. I shared with her how I couldn't hide who I was anymore, and she supported me in whatever I wanted to do. So I told my boyfriend that it had happened yet again, but this time it was different. I wanted more, I'd overstepped boundaries, I essentially betrayed him and went behind his back, not in a physical way but emotionally. He was crushed. We talked a lot after that, I think I was finally able to get across to him that this wasn't just a curiosity, but this was me, and had been me this whole time. He told me he'd forgive me, that we could make it work if I was more open and honest with him, but I wasn't to seek out a woman again because he couldn't handle that betrayal again. I agreed at that stage, I told myself I couldn't lose him even though at that stage I realised that maybe I'd become more dependant on him than anything. I told myself no one would want me the way I was and he did. Why throw that away? Guess what, you guessed it! It happened again. But this time it was different. After being here for a while I decided to leave shys, I continued my friendship with the girl above outside of shys, and even though I've put her through a ton of shit over the years I'm pleased to say we're still friends. But I couldn't stand being here anymore. I could see all these women talking about their experiences, their girlfriends, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I got on with my life and tried to forget about the place. Then one night, I got into a conversation with my friend from here about our relationship, it was always kinda odd, and people would often ask us if we were dating we were so close, but I felt I could still talk to her about my feelings. That night we talked about how my feelings were still all over the place, that even though I'd gotten over this crush with her, I still wanted to be with a woman. I was miserable and I didn't know what else to do. We talked about it a lot and she told me she'd support whatever I chose to do, and with that, I decided to come back here one night and see if my old friends were still around. I logged into chat on December 5th 2013, I was approaching my 30th birthday that month, and my 10 year anniversary with my fiancé. I didn't recognise anyone at first, then a few familiar faces popped in and it was like I'd never left, and there she was. I'd noticed that all the girls in the room were flirty and outgoing and so my old persona sneaked back in pretty quickly, I started to flirt with everyone in the room I think, I'd been gone a while and I was like a kid in a candy store I guess. But she stood out, to this day I still don't know why her name caught my eye. Something about her just drew me in and I found myself wanting to know more about her. She was the quietest in the room, not really talking much, and maybe that's what intrigued me a little, she wasn't falling victim to my charms like everyone else haha. I tried my hardest to get her attention but she didn't really respond. Then I asked a question, so where is everyone here from? Everyone replied, and then she did, Michigan here.... My first thought was oh no not another one You see the girl I mentioned above was also from Michigan and I made some stupid joke about how I had a thing for women from Michigan. She laughed and went back to being quiet. I did my usual stupid chat stuff, flirted, virtually dancing with the others, think I virtually stripped at one point, but she never said a thing. So I decided I was gonna send her a PM. The reason I had for messaging her was a stupid one, and was all I could come up with, but it got her attention. We chatted for a little after that and then went back to the main room where she started to join in a little more. After the night was over I left her a "Hey you" kinda message on her profile and she responded. From that moment I knew this wasn't your average attraction, after all I had no idea what she even looked like. For the first time I was drawn to a woman before I'd even laid eyes on her. This was a different kind of connection. We talked on and off numerous times after that night. I'd log on to see if she was there and when she wasn't I'd log out again. She wasn't around for a little while after that and I found myself asking around to see if anyone knew where she'd gone. No one knew. Then one day she came back, I didn't ask where she'd gone or what she was doing, I just told her I was glad she was back. I got a little forward after that and asked her for a photo, at this point I was already hooked and I told myself I didn't really care what she looked like because we'd connected in other ways. She told me she didn't share her photos here but she'd pm me one. I was so nervous, what if she wasn't what I usually go for? what if that would be a problem? I loved her personality already, and as much as I don't care about looks, I felt that some kind of attraction had to be there. I opened her message and saw her, she was adorable. I told her right away, I think it made me even more keen to pursue her. But I played it cool this time, I wasn't about to ruin this. Then one day in January of 2014 I made a status, a status that was seated in my depressive nature, she responded in a caring concerned way and told me if I ever needed to talk to message her. She told me later she never thought I'd take her up on the offer and was pleasantly surprised when I did. We got talking, not much, just bits here and there but in private. I showed her my weird bendy joints, mostly I was curious about how she'd react. It didn't phase her, at all, she'd worked in the medical field and anything of that nature didn't scare her off, she seemed more intrigued than anything. So I made the choice to ask if she'd like to chat outside of shys, she was like... Sure! Where? And I said how about WhatsApp? Here's my number, add me, I'll be there. She told me later that she didn't think I was serious, that a girl like me would give her the time of day, that she tried to call my bluff and she was shocked when she found out I was being serious. And that's how Tbare and I began. Outside of shys we became inseparable, we talked every day, we'd call each other, skype, and those feelings I had for her only grew. This was unlike anything I'd ever felt before and at that point I knew, I was gonna have to come clean yet again and tell my fiancé. Only this time I wasn't sure what I was gonna do. This time I couldn't just cut ties and apologise, this time I couldn't push it deep down and forget. I was in love, and it kinda felt like the first time. My boyfriend slowly saw my relationship with her develop over time. He told me of his concerns but I just shrugged them off and said everything was fine. He knew it wasn't. I knew it wasn't. Then one night she told me something on the phone, some bad news, and I broke down in tears. I was genuinely sad for her, I was a mess when my boyfriend walked in and saw me sitting there in a puddle of tears. He had no idea what was wrong and just hugged me in silence. Eventually he asked what was upsetting me so much, and I flat out told him that this girl was going through something and I wanted to be there for her, the fact that I was stuck here and I wanted to be there with her was making me miserable. I didn't want her to be alone. I loved her. I think that was the night we both realised we were over, we were distant after that. I guess we went through a separation, he said he needed time to think before we sat down and talked about it. I saw this as an opportunity to spend more time with her and that was when I knew that my relationship with him was over. Shortly after this the woman who I loved most, my grandmother, my best friend, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. 6 weeks to 2 months they told us at the hospital. As I was the only one not working in my family I stepped up, I was gonna take care of her like she had done me when I was a kid growing up with so many problems. I gave it my all, I was on 24hr call, feeding, toileting, changing, I saw my nana go from the strong independent woman I admired and loved turn into a shell. It broke my heart. I was there for everything, good and bad, we got to spend the most amazing 6 weeks together. But they were also the most heart breaking of my entire life to date. I didn't want to put her through the knowledge that my relationship was over, she'd loved this man like her own grandson for over a decade, they were the best of friends. He was heartbroken when he found out, but agreed we would keep up appearances while she was still with us. He visited her when he could, he'd hold her hand and talk to her for hours, he'd hold bowls under her while she puked up whatever meds they gave her that day, he helped me take care of this amazing lady and for that I will always be grateful to him. During the 2 months my nana was sick I decided to introduce her to T, I kept thinking she isn't gonna get to meet this amazing person I want to share my life with. They had to know each other. So I told her all about her, her life, her family, our friendship, she was always so intrigued about her and always asked about her and how she was doing. Then they spoke on the phone one night while I left them to go do dishes, I came back to hear them both in fits of laughter. They got along well. Then she stopped laughing and said to her, I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it but you're a very beautiful girl, and I'd love nothing more than if you were my 5th granddaughter. That was exactly what I wanted to hear, even though I never really knew if she knew (She asked me on several occasions why myself and my boyfriend had split up, and I kept saying we hadn't) I always told myself that she did and she accepted her and us. Even if she didn't, or wouldn't have, it didn't matter after that. My nana loved me and nothing would have gotten in the way of that. I was there when she took her last breath, I held her hand and told her I loved her. Was the hardest thing I've ever done. T was there for me every day, talking to me, listening to me, sometimes just hearing me cry for hours on end. She gave me the reassurance and the strength to get through it all. She was my rock and I couldn't have done it all without her. On the day my nana died my fiancé showed up to see her, but it was too late for him to say goodbye. I reached out to hug him and he pulled away. I asked him if I could please have a hug, that's all I wanted, he eventually obliged but instantly pulled away. I asked if we could talk, he said it was too late and that I'd made my choice. I guess I just wanted a chance to make a clean break, to talk it all out and say what needed to be said. But he wasn't up to listening, and to be honest I don't blame him. To this day I feel guilt ridden over the whole thing, he was a good man, and I'm not the type of person to hurt anyone. I care too much to ever hurt someone. Yet here I was hurting the one person who'd been there for me for over a decade, no matter what. I wish I could go back sometimes, not to change where I am now, but to change how it happened. I'd have the decency to tell him straight. The last thing he said to me was, we all make mistakes in life, that he has made his fair share too, but we made these mistakes to learn from them. That he hoped that what had happened meant that I'd learn from it and never do it again. I promised him that. He walked away after that and we didn't speak for a long time. It's been 3 years now and we're finally in a good place, we can talk and be friends to an extent, and we still help each other out when we can. I truly hope that he finds someone who is worthy of his love, because like I tell everyone still, they don't make a lot of men like him anymore. My relationship with T only blossomed after that. I went to visit her 4 times in America, which was terrifying as Id never flown before. The first time was in the fall for 2 weeks, second time in the summer for almost a month, the third time again the following summer for almost a month, where she got down on one knee and asked me to be her wife, and then last but not least the fourth time for a month over the Christmas and New Years holidays. We struggle with the distance like any other couple in a LDR, but we make it work. We just had our 3 year anniversary and we couldn't be happier. I have truly found my soulmate, the person I want to spend my entire life with. But at the same time I found myself, which was the most important thing in all of this. We continue to grow as a couple every day and our love for each other has never failed, and it's been tested so many times. I know that she is my happy ending, and I will always do my best to progress forward and get closer to the day we can be together permanently. My family love her and have accepted my relationship with her, although it took some time, and her family love and accept us just the same. We're always gonna encounter people who think we shouldn't be together, and sadly we've known of a few, but the most important ones, and their opinions, are the only ones that matter to us. I thank this place every day for her, she is my reason for all that I do. I fight harder, I achieve more, and I never give up, because of her. She has had such a profound impact on my life, and I have never loved anyone like I love her. She makes me happier than I've ever been, and I hope that I can always make her proud of me as we go through life together. She is my reason for getting up every day and fighting the hand I've been dealt, and I like to think the support, love, and adoration that I have for her has made her more accepting of who she is, and how far she's come, because she is truly an amazing, strong and beautiful woman, and I couldn't be luckier in life than to have her by my side. So I guess I wanna finish this blog (If you've gotten this far) with this, don't be someone you aren't. Don't portray yourself to be anything less than the amazing, unique, individual that you are. We are all blessed with this ability to see the beauty in people, no matter the gender. I think that's a pretty amazing ability to have. So why hide it. I know there are women out there who can't be open and honest to everyone they know, and that we live in a world where this is seen as something wrong in the eyes of many, but never hide it completely. I tried and it ended in disaster. It wasn't until I accepted who I was and embraced it that I was finally able to be happy. Even if the only place you can be open is here, be open, be proud, and never, ever, see it as a curse. I hope not only I, but others who read this, can learn from my mistakes and go on to use this as a way to make their life better. Rocky x
  13. Hi Shybi Family!!!!!!! I am sure many women have been in enough relationships regardless of sex (hopefully more than one) to be able to decipher when a person's interactions with us means us good or harm. Today, I'd like to talk about we women being jaded (fooled) by politeness. A politeness so complimentary, nice, so disarming..................it sets you up to be betrayed. I have had been a victim of "politeness," disguised in many forms a few times in my life............by men and women. In terms of men.............it's the general scenarios where you meet some "nice" guy who's good looking, charming, charismatic................saying all the right things to get you. Whether it's to get into your pants or get your hand in marriage...........the guy clearly has an agenda (as you see later in the relationship). After sometime in the relationship you learn this person really isn't nice perhaps. Sometimes you learn the guy is a creep/pervert/sex addict. Sometimes you learn the guy lured you in for nothing more to take his mother' place in being his glorified maid, housekeeper, bed wench. Sometimes you learn the guy simply likes to control people.............you took the bait so you're it. Maybe he has mental health issues. A guy with multiple personalities, maybe he was bipolar or schizophrenic and on his meds when you met him...................polite and kind. He turned into a monster without them. Where oh where did that polite person go you ask yourself many a days. In any event, we end up in bad relationships with men sometimes because of their insincere politeness. Books have been written about men and their shenanigans. But it's the women that I would like to focus on right now. These same scenarios can take place regardless of sex. Politeness is a form of diplomacy..........easily disguised to ensnare an unsuspecting victim for personal gains. I have been straight jacked by some women in my life. I've also seen how we can turn our politeness on and off when it suits our needs. I've seen women use politeness to disarm and conduct absolutely stunning acts of betrayal. Like a high school best friend sleeping with my husband and sharing all of my personal secrets with him...............enabling him to come back and use them against me. Friends all throughout high school and she commits the ultimate betrayal. The same thing happened with another really good friend I helped a lot riding her around town in my car, having her at my home, breaking bread with her, even partying with her. She was nice, kind, mild, not the brightest apple in the barrel....................but she was smart enough, cunning enough, polite enough for me to allow her into my small circle to screw my boyfriend and fuck up my otherwise nice relationship. Nice right! I did all the things I was supposed to be, or so I thought. I was kind to someone that showed kindness. I was polite to people who were polite to me. I shared with people that shared with me...............I thought I had a firm grasp on protecting myself from being betrayed. Stabbed in the back. Pushed from behind by a ride-or-die friend or love. I was wrong. Being jaded by a woman can even be more difficult to get over than a man. We are supposed to have this invisible "sisterhood," regardless of age, sexual orientation, or ethnicity. We know how it feels to be poo poo'd on. We all have the horrible let down stories by friends and loved ones. But as a woman I must admit, being jaded and cut deep by a woman is so much more painful. Because most of us are sensitive, nurturing beings, it's almost inconceivable that a woman you're in love with could: Cheat Be Abusive (Physically, Emotionally, Sexually) Be Deceitful /Deceptive Act Selfishly, or Use Sex and Kindness as Weapons for Behavior Modification Yes my friends...............we women can be some ugly critters at times. If you haven't had the experience yet, count it as a blessing. If you have................I hope you have healed and moved on. I say all this to say that as women, we must be careful to not be jaded by politeness or early expressions of love. Sometimes when someone is being overly polite, there are motives to betray us. When people are about to screw you over, they aren't usually mean which would give us a heads up. They are generally nice to you, to get you to drop your guard before they stick you in your ass with a pitchfork. It's a form of manipulation. For women, it's a manipulation we women have been labeled with since the beginning of time.............back to Adam and Eve (for the religious). So ladies..............as you embark on your lady love journeys, be wise. How do you prevent being jaded by a new love or acquaintance (but can apply to anyone in general): Self-Awareness (Be Aware): Be aware of conversational moods. One minute you have red flags going off all over the place and hairs standing up on the back of your necks. Pay attention to people and their sudden or renewed interest in you. It's likely not you, it could be what you bring to the table. Over-politeness is often difficult to detect when meeting new people, so go with your gut. We women can be mean, vindictive, cruel, selfish, manipulative human beings. We can also be kind, beautiful, caring, compassionate, loving, attentive human beings. As we go throughout our lives experimenting, searching and finding love, and when it's not right for us...........letting go, please be go into (and out of) any and all relationships (casual, committed, or otherwise) with a do no harm perspective. Leave the woman (or women) in your lives better than you found them. Ladies, don't take her kindness for weakness. But the most important take away is to not allow another to disarm you, leaving you open to wounds. Have a wonderful week!
  14. I've had a very rough few days... Something I say pretty often. More so these days. When anyone asks "How are you doing?" "How have you been?" "How's life treating you?" It's sometimes answered in the negative, awful, but mostly in a vague "Yeah fine" kinda way in order to avoid anyone probing for more. I don't see my accomplishments, what I've achieved, how far I've come, how much life has changed for the better, all I see is the darkness. Depression has been a cloud looming over my head for as long as I can remember. I often think if it wasn't for the pain him and I would have parted ways a long time ago. But then there's my BPD too, borderline personality disorder. It's often described as the emotional equivalent to third degree burns. Mix them both together, add chronic pain with no relief, and you get me. A train wreck. Maybe a hot mess is a nice way of putting it. But a mess none the same. Now I'm gonna try and focus on the positive for a moment, otherwise this will become a pity party real quick. The simple things most people go about doing every day, getting out of bed, showering, getting dressed, making something to eat, walking... They're all things I struggle with. If I've done all those things then that day is considered a success, a good day. I say this as I lie on my bed in my PJs, having not eaten because that was too much effort today. But the reason for this is because I was productive the last few days. I went out of my comfort zone and achieved something I never would have thought to ever do. I used my own initiative and progressed forward. So the pain I'm enduring now is partly because I did something good, something worthy of the pain that comes after. But how do you deal with the pain that's there not because you pushed yourself too hard and achieved something, but because this is something you have to deal with most days, something there isn't a magic pill for, or some form of relief, something that causes your mental health to deteriorate. What do you do when the pain is so intense that you feel like the only way to make it stop is to not be here anymore. That's happened to me many times before. This happened last night in fact. No one else was around and I thought to myself, I just want it to stop, who would care if I wasn't here anyway? I wasn't alone though, because I had my other half on the other end of the phone desperately trying to make me see the good things I have, how things aren't always gonna be dark, how bad days happen but we have to pull through them. She told me how she'd left her comfort zone and endured things she never thought she would because they positively affected us and our future. She told me how closer we get every day to being together every day. She stayed awake with me til late making me see that I am worth more than I believe I am. That I am loved, and needed, and appreciated. Even if I don't see it. She told me of how I've touched people's lives in amazing positive ways, including hers. That despite my negative upbringing I have worth and purpose. I reflect back to 2014 today, a particular day in January when I felt so worthless and useless that I made a status here because I hated myself so much, and I needed to vent that anger somewhere. I think about how that status brought into my life the caring wonderful woman above. How my depression and negative feelings brought something positive into my life, and how to this day she continues to be the positive to my negative. So maybe I suffered that day for a reason, maybe I was hurting so bad that it made me reach out in order to find something amazing. Maybe what I'm going through now has a reason, a purpose, maybe it doesn't, but if I don't stick around I'll never find out the answer. I'm often amazed at how kind people are to me, especially here, with their words and gestures. I find myself wondering why. I'm quite a moody, isolated closed off kind of person, who isn't particularly fond of being social. From my long conversation last night with my lady I've discovered something, that no matter how awful I feel, no matter how much I want to close myself off and be that moody awful person, I'm not. I put on a smile and I throw myself head first into people, I reach out and help, I offer my advice, my time, and this makes me see myself in a more positive light. Then this action is returned to me tenfold. But I've only now just seen it. So maybe being me isn't so bad after all, because it makes me a better person to those around me. It makes me, me.
  15. So, long post. I have two questions and I'm pretty sure only you dear ladies might be able to understand/suitably advise here. I apologise if any of this is the wrong topic for here and if so, please tell me and I'll remove/edit it. (Absolutely don't want to upset) 1st is short; do you ever suffer from internalised biphobia? Does it make it hard to actually recognise or accept your feelings when you see a beautiful woman? Example, all the ladies I ever 'looked up to' as 'a role model' (lol) I have come to realise that I was totally crushing on! But now that I know that, I find it really hard to watch them (I'll be honest, 90% are tv show characters) comfortably. I sort of have to forcibly remind myself that it's okay, good even, to enjoy that! 2nd, longer; sticking to my guns. In a nutshell, I only really came out to myself when I got feelings for the lady I thought was my best friend. After telling her my feelings, getting strung along and quite poorly treated, I'm still in love with her and wish there was any way to salvage something. At the same time, I'm trying to move past that. I tried dating sites, etc, but the truth is, what I want is really specific. And what I don't want is very simple. However... I'm coming to see that my feelings are pretty freakin' rare on this subject. While I have no problem with people living however they want to, I myself don't feel right have any kind of sexual relationship outside of marriage/long term commitment. That would be the same if I was staying fully monogamous or if I was in a triad poly relationship of some kind. I want to have a fully committed relationship with a woman before we ever take the plunge. It is REALLY important to me. But... See above. I keep getting told that is not what anyone else would be willing to do, and it's just better to jump right in and see if you match up later, sex is just sex and I should just treat myself if I want it... Ugh. I'm losing my strength to stand up for myself here. Even my friends, who know how I feel, are telling me I should have 'courage' and 'enjoy myself' and just 'go for it'! As if I am choosing my desires because they make me feel horrible?! (Sorry. Sarcasm is my defence mechanism) Please know that I judge no one. You do you, amazing peoples! But this is ME. Anyway, in a moment of frustration, I asked the infamous HER what exactly would be a situation where she would consider something outside of the abusive partnership she's in. Naturally, it's a 'one night stand'. So, I offered the opportunity. I'm pretty sure I only said it as a type of emotional self-harm. I would never be okay going through with it. I don't know what to do with myself now. IF she gave me a time and date, should I go, if only to talk? Or should I tell her right off that she of everyone in the world should know me better than that? Grrrr. I don't know. I'm open to ANY thoughts at the moment. (And questions as well.) I'm utterly torn up and lost. P.S. Yes, hubby knows all of this. I'm crazy blessed to have a guy I can be honest with. But I don't ask him for answers besides his feelings because, obviously, it's my life/choice at the end of the day. Always respect his needs and thoughts, just also always seek outside views.
  16. I have been in an exclusive with a woman since May 1st. We met online in December but didn't want to meet until she was moved out of husband's house. We kept it in the friend zone until mid April when she asked to meet. I was dating other people at the time because I didn't want to rush into anything or get caught up in a fantasy life. We met a few times then late April I fucked up and got a DUI on the way home from the bar. She actually was ok with the DUI as long as it was a one time thing. It was my only charge in 35 years so that wasn't a problem. A few days later she asked me to be exclusive and I wanted to give it a try. Fast foward six months later and I stay there every night and drive 45 mins each way to feed my cats and clean my empty house. My 17 year old created a bachelor pad at my mom's house earlier this year and works after school until 10 pm. I have been very careful to make sure neither of us are dependent on each other. But I feel like I am paying for a place to house my cats and the gas money is adding up. Honestly I feel like this is my forever relationship but if not I can get an apartment if it doesn't work out. She's still getting divorced as it takes ages but he's in a new relationship too. Is six months too early to move in? The waste of money is a partial motive but I basically live there and just need to move the cats over. I want to do this right. Any advice is appreciated.
  17. Dear Kindred Spirits: I have a question. I have been approached by a woman (married) that has expressed interest in pursuing a relationship (long-term)......a FWB so to speak. Both of us are older, professional, educated women. We are also very down to earth (nature girls). Her husband knows and is supportive, and they understand my situation (married & sexless). She is not a novice, and in an open relationship. She is fully aware of my bi-curiosity and that this is only my 2nd encounter (in my life) with a woman. The first was over 20 years ago. We are attracted to each other, and we text and exchange emails regularly. They are always nice, clean, and cordial. My dilemma: I don't know what to say to her............flirting wise. What to say, what not to say. It's my first time......Etiquette things. I'm an over thinker, I know lol. A pro flirting with men, never in my life have I said anything sexual to a woman. Treading new waters here! So, what in the heck do you say to a female you're interested in sexing without seeming, overly aggressive or nasty? I don't want to turn her off......don't wanna be to forward. I feel like I want to say something to break the ice, to let her know how pretty she is, ask questions about sexual desires/needs, but because it's a woman, I don't want sound or act like a man wanting to jump her bones so to speak lol. What did you say your first time? How did you initiate the conversation? How did you know when was the appropriate time to "cross the line? Was it a feeling? Thanks so much in advance!!!!!!!!!!! DIY Queen
  18. Well, it has been floating around my head lately and I need to get it out, is it weird that I am going to be 32 this week and have never had sex? Or been in a relationship? I mean, I have had crushes and close friends that seemed like I had a boyfriend or girlfriend....one of my best friends and I had what we called a friendmance because we were that close and he was gay, but on the outside it looked like we were dating.... It has been many years since I have seen him and to this day, I find myself thinking about him... I have realized that things have changed too much for anything to be like it was and I no longer go on his Facebook to see what he is up to and yet it brings a smile to my face when I think about how close we were or how just hearing a song we used to listen to or see a place we used to go, can bring back so many memories....
  19. Welp, I'm stuck ladies. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm married, but my husband and I are working on opening it up. He's fine with me being with women, and encourages me to find someone who speaks to my heart and who I can have a great relationship with. He's fully supportive. I had this relationship with this younger woman, who wasn't ready. It hurt me a lot, but I was the stupid one. But it sparked something in me, and now I feel this emptiness that I'm trying to fill. I know, I have a husband, and I have a great relationship with him. Some would say I'm being greedy or selfish, but everyone in the equation is fine with what I want and need. But what do I want and need? I've been joining all of these dating sites, and then meeting women... not sleeping with them, or even kissing them, but just trying to see if we're compatible, and in the meanwhile putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable and unnatural. I know I'm pushing too hard, but I feel like I've finally come alive. Like I can be myself. So.. advice for someone on the freak out? I've decided to chill on the search for a bit and let whatever happen happen, but the thing is people see the ring and they're out. So.. what do I do? Please, be gentle.
  20. Ok, it seems more and more married women on this forum are against having a relationship with so called single woman. Well, I really don't get it. I'm single, I'm a mother, I have time consuming commitments. My time, with my responsibilities is doubled as a single woman. I'm doing the job of two parents, two incomes, two house keepers. I just don't get why you married women think all single women are too needy. If anything it's the reverse. A lot of us are single by choice. Because we don't have the time to commit to a full on relationship. Just saying, and sick of us single women being ostrisised. It isn't easy, you go home to your man, we go home to an empty bed. Sick of hearing about single women being too demanding or needy. It's about the person not the relationship status.
  21. I've been dating this woman for a year and it's been a crazy ride. She's the first woman I've totally flipped for and my heart has never felt these kinds of feelings EVER, not even for my ex-husband. I went into this relationship 100%, giving it time, attention, and lots of love. Problem is, she's never been into it in the same way. I've always felt like she had one foot in and one foot out and was always looking for reasons why things wouldn't work. She's been single her entire life except for a one year relationship with another woman about 15 years ago and she's pretty much happy being single, just doing stuff with friends,. I'm the exact opposite. I really like having a life partner, working to build a good relationship, and enjoying a sexually/emotionally intimate relationship with just one person. But it's been a long year for me, always feeling like my heart gets broken because she has her emotional walls up so high and I always feel locked out. I know she's had some abuse in her childhood which it seems to me, she just hasn't dealt with. Her previous relationship ended the same way this one will probably end with her gf telling her "Sex seems forced, and it feels like we're just friends." That's exactly how I feel too. I've wanted this to work so badly, I know I've stuck it out much longer than I probably should have. I just don't know how to transition out of it. I feel like I'll be worse off without her. Even though it's not the relationship I want, at least we have companionship. We do a lot together and enjoy being together. I would really miss that. I know I'd be really lonely too. I'm sure I'd start dating, but I don't feel like I could put the energy into a new relationship anytime soon. So I guess my question is, do I just accept the relationship for what it is and not expect her to be anything more than a casual girlfriend I hang out with? If so, is it best to have an official conversation about it to say "I know you're not interested in a partnership with me, but I"m hoping we can keep being companions for a while." Or Is it better to break it off completely? I'm already cringing at the awkwardness of running into her, or having to drop out of all of the Meetup groups that we're in together so I won't have to see her for a while. Like I said, I'd love to have a long term relationship with her, but she'd have to be willing to work on some things for that to happen and I doubt she'll do that so I feel like we don't have much of a future together. It's more a question of enjoying the next few months with someone I get along really well with. Thanks for the help.
  22. Hi everyone, I'm 32 and apart from dates I've been single for 8 years now, partly due to ill health (depression, anxiety and OCD) for which I was in therapy for years as I recovered, partly because I have unstable employment (I've been on a cycle of self employment/ unemployement for several years), partly due to sexuality confusion and partly because I just never seem to meet available men I find attractive and vice versa. I've tried online dating in the past and met 11 different men over two years. I feel like I've dated a lot of men in my life, more than any of my friends, since the age of 16. I feel like I've dated most of the men that I wanted and none of them were right in the end. I even went on a date with a guy I always liked at school after he separated from his wife, but felt nothing for him on a date. I now usually just feel apathy towards men and dating after years of disappointments have worn away any hope and excitement I used to feel. I've just gradually been thinking lately, maybe I am truly, honestly just meant to be single? I seem to be at my happiest when single. Relationships always make me feel a bit crazy from the first rush of passion to later on feelings of jealousy and anxiety and stress. I've never had a healthy relationship, the men I am attracted to are not usually nice people but it never works when I date nice men I don't find attractive. I don't think I'm interested in being in a relationship with a woman either. I think I just don't like the idea of anyone needing anything from me, if that makes sense. It takes a lot to just keep myself well and I love being able to do the things that make me happy (going for walks, painting, working on my business, going to the gym, visiting galleries, eating healthy food etc) and the thought of some guy coming into my life leaving his hair all around my place, eating meat, wanting to sleep in all day and not wanting to do any of the things I enjoy makes me feel totally apathetic and depressed. I also don't want anyone pressuring me for sex. Or making me hang out with their friends and family all the time. I'm an introvert and love being alone for about 80% of the week. These are all things I've experienced in past relationships and I think the reason I'm happy single is that I don't have to deal with them anymore! I don't think I'm asexual, I do have a sex drive and usually like good looking dominant men but emotionally I can't seem to handle sex well. I get sort of addicted to it and want it all the time and then get depressed and weepy and just want to be alone. I think I have mostly just swtiched off my sex drive because it has only ever caused me emotional pain. Sex for me is usually a small amount of pleasure for months of emotional pain. Strange I know. I just wondered if anyone could relate. Have any of you chosen singledom as a life choice? How do you find people react to you? I find myself feeling a bit at odds with society now and it's hard being surrounded by couples but I partly don't understand everyone's obsession with being coupled up all the time, since I'm not usually happy in a relationship. I think I'd just like some more friends and to continue what I'm doing. The only downside I see of all this is that I think I would like to become a mother one day before it's too late, if I could support the child myself financially, emotionally etc. I think I'd be happy to become a single mum but obviously this is a huge life decision and I'd need to make sure I had a really good support network if I went down this route alone. Thanks for your thoughts!
  23. I have been with both men and women, more men than women. But I have been dating my gf for 9 months now, and I am her first gf but she hasn't dated as much men as I. Anyways, she had hurt me in the beginning of our relationship by talking to a guy... And then her ex bf. We've moved on past it. We're happy, I love her and couldn't imagine myself with anyone else but I have been missing sex with a male... We have a little toy, but she's not into them much. Advice?!
  24. Hi all, very new here, and I was just wondering if any of you had tried swinging as a way to explore your bisexuality? My husband came out as bi recently, and pretty much immediately wanted to try swinging. (I had been out for a few years, but never acted on it.) I was curious and didn't take much convincing. We met two lovely couples that way, and both had experiences with the same sex. (And the opposite sex, too.) It was a lot of fun, and initially, I was really glad it had happened. But I'd be lying if I said we hadn't run into problems as a result of it. Jealousy has pretty much reared its head for both of us, and we agreed to take a break while we re-evaluated things. Our marriage seems solid, but I still feel like doing it again would be playing with fire, even though the husband would probably love to do it again. So I was just wondering if any pf you had experience with swinging, and if so, how did it impact your relationship? How did you navigate all the issues that crop up? And would you do it again? Thanks!
  25. Hello my dears, As it turns out, I am alive. Didn't actually think I'd come back to ShyBi (went on hiatus for quite some time, came back for a hot second, then disappeared again), but I randomly made a reappearance. I'm kind of sad to see that most of my friends here have signed off, quite possibly for good, but I get that. Life happens on and off of the computer screen, and this place was very comforting when I was a wee freshman and sophomore in college, still figuring out things about myself. It's a lovely environment. Oh, by the way, I graduated college It's hard to believe it's been four years [i still don't really believe it, and probably won't until I a) have a job and my own place or b) once the school year starts for everyone else, and not me, for the first time in years]. I must say, I'm proud of myself. I put a lot of work in, made a lot of self-discoveries and friends (including people on here), and got in some practice at being an adult, as well as some time to goof off and do stupid/crazy things (climbing walls, going atop quad buildings to stargaze, and walking in winds so harsh you could lean against them and not fall over). In the meantime, I'm living with my parents. I really wanted to get out of here, have a job, and get my own place by the time graduation came, but that didn't happen. So far, though, it's kind of nice to be home. I don't have a job yet, but I also don't have to pay for rent or food yet, and if I do pay for something, it's usually not much. Job searching, however, is... wow. I've applied to over 100 positions now. Out of the six interviews I've had, only one place made an offer, which was good, but it was only part-time and $9/hour. Definitely something one can't live off of, even when sharing an apartment with people. Another one, which I kind of applied for, but not (since it was hooked up through a friend), was offered to me, but after some deliberation and talk with others, I decided not to take it (part-time for the summer only, and $16/hour. Not bad, especially for a broke college kid, but not for a recent graduate paying for rent, utilities, and groceries). It's a little hard to not feel discouraged after all of this, but I'll keep going at it. I'm really hoping for a writing or library job, but I'm open to other things, so long as it's not a dead end. Let's see, what else... I officially came out to (nearly) everyone via Facebook this past October for Bisexual Visibility Day. I received a lot of love from my friends and some family members online. Unfortunately (or fortunately, since it needed to happen), some of my Facebook relatives have big mouths and are fairly gossipy. My parents, who are not on FB, found out two days later, and lectured me/chewed me out for doing it/saying that. If you've read my past posts about coming out to my mom, I believe this makes it my third time coming out to her. She still didn't believe me. It was my dad's first time hearing it. He didn't speak to me for over a month. It all got straightened out (and by that, I mean arguing and mutually and silently agreeing not to talk about it), but I did become very emotional and suicidal during that time. The suicidal thing still comes to mind, now and again, if I'm being honest, but I'm doing much better now. Also, I have a partner, now. He's a very sweet person, and very kind to me We've been together for over a year. And yes, he knows I'm bisexual, and he's okay with it. However, it seems he doesn't want to share haha. That's alright, since I do care about him deeply. Fortunately, we both want to live in the same city once we have jobs, so we'll still be able to get together and cuddle. The long-distance thing is working for now, but we're both eager to get back in the swing of things, relationship-wise and otherwise. He's also been very supportive over the past year. Through my coming out, through my suicidal emotions, through my bouts of anxiety, my revealing my sexual assault and past abusive situations (well, I haven't chosen to elaborate, yet), and just putting up with my weirdness, stubbornness, and pervertedness :3 He gives me a lot of advice, even though he's only a few months older than me. The latest piece of advice is to open my mind and take into consideration everything I've been taught, but to question things and start forming my own thoughts and concepts (rather than believing everything the teacher's said). He's one heck of a critic and quite the realist, but he's wonderful and he cares, and I hope we stay together for a while. So, what am I doing now? Well, beside looking for jobs, I finally got my license and I'm driving my elders around (and they love it. Hello, Ms. Daisy!). I'm also reading for fun (something that's been nearly lost on me since I began college... because there's so much class reading!), which I'm happy about. Also just trying to write more, and explore more. But since I'm trying to keep the blog I'm maintaining "professional" with clear-cut posts that are critical and kind of activist-y, I'll save my personal thoughts and journal-type stuff for here (and I guess someone likes reading this. My blog here has over 4,000 views! Wow!). But I do hope my ramblings help someone, somehow. Otherwise, I'm just getting my thoughts out, which is still good. I think that's all for now. It's almost 1am here, so I think it's about time I went to bed. I'll be back to write more later. Thanks for reading! Love, Aero~