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caliwoman posted a topic in Share Your Experiences / Let's talk about SexLast night, I went to the strip club (big surprise, lol). I've been on the rec'g end of many dances and have had all types of experiences with them. I was thinking that my discomfort with this last dance was due to my intimacy issues, then I posted about this on a lesbian Facebook page that I'm subscribed to. Their comments surprised me, as some said that they would have felt the stripper (who danced for me) would have violated their boundaries, had they been the one to receive the dance. I've never seen this particular dancer before. I approach her for a dance and she holds my hand, escorting me to a chair unto itself. She sits by me and grazes my hands and arms with her fingertips. She's looking in my eyes and I'm having great trouble holding her gaze... I have this trouble in general. I don't like people staring at me and in some instances, I'm not fond of someone getting too close. The sitting and talking before the dance makes me a bit agitated and I reveal to her that I"m nervous. Usually, the dance begins rather quickly, this time, we sit and wait. Her first question of, "So you're into girls?" throws me for a loop. It's the first time I've ever been asked this; every other dancer has asked me who I'm with at the club: Are you with your friends or by yourself? I stutter at her question, look away, and tell her, "Yes, I'm into women." She tells me she thinks that's sexy and that I'm in good hands. I begin to become nervous and my heart starts to pound; I'm very aware that this is due to my guilt and shame that I still experience over my sexuality. I thought I was well past this by now, so it's frustrating to still experience this. When the song finally starts, she doesn't get up. Instead, she pulls my hands to her inner thigh and has me stroke the area. After a bit of that, she gets on her knees in front of me, looks into my eyes and brushes my hair over my ears and then caresses the sides of my neck. She then takes my hands, wraps them around her neck to do the same. This goes on for a bit before she gets into the actual dance and I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. It's too intimate for me;; it's too slow and it's throwing me off balance. The remainder of the dance alternates between aggressive to slow and passionate. I don't mind the aggressive parts. I'm accustomed to that. She feels me up, lowers her bra ( a tad) and puts her boobs on mine, sticks her hand in my bra to feel my nipples, runs her lips against my neck and fingers me over my jeans... She takes down her outer thong for me and ends over and touches her toes. She grabs my hands repeatedly, placing them back onto her ass when I pull away. it's when she dials it back and goes slower that I have a tough time with. I became frustrated with myself because I chalked it up to my own intimacy issues that I still wrestle with and try to overcome, but after posting on that forum and rec'g a few answers that said they would have felt their boundaries were "violated," did I think that it might not be 100% due to my intimacy crap. But who knows? It's subjective and we each have our own perspective. For anyone who took the time to read this, how would have you felt? Would it have made you uncomfortable or would you have felt perfectly at home?
Had I known how much of a good time I'd have getting my first lap dance...that woulda been one of the first things on the "to do" list when I first came out as bisexual and hadn't had any physical (romantic) contact w/a woman. Oh. My. God. I had been to a strip club here in SoCal for the past two weeks, but didn't have the courage to ask for a dance. Since my ex-husband is the only person I truly trust seeing "this side of me," I had gone w/him, so the strippers really stayed away from us and we used the time to get acclimated to it and take in the scene. This weekend was different. My female friend's boyfriend was celebrating his b-day and a group of 8 of us decided to go and get dinner, visit the strip club, then hit the downtown scene. Well, we didn't get past the strip club experience, it was so fun. My ex had vowed on our last trip there, that we'd get lap dances this time. I was skeptical. We arrive at the club a little earlier than what we had been getting there at and it's packed. We get seated at a reserve table, order our drinks, and take in the show. All of the strippers are called on-stage for line-up, so we can so who's there. They disperse and head towards the crowds of men and stay away from our female dominated table. About 30 min. in, a stripper wanders over and heads towards the b-day boy, but his girlfriend/my friend wasn't having it...she wasn't gonna let him get one, but I yet and point to my ex. "He'll take one!" and he rebuffs her, being as shy as he is. Assuming that I'm his wife/gf, his stripper asks my permission and where I want him to get the dance (at the table or in the private guest area). My friend is insistent that we all watch him get one, but I don't think that's cool, so I tell the stripper to take him to the area for the private dances. She leads him away and two songs (and $60 later), he comes back with a huge grin on his face. She seats him, but he's whispering something to her and he's pointing at one of the strippers that I've had my eye on. They talk for a bit, she leaves, and he smiles. Right as my stripper (Brooke) walks up, he leans over to me and says, "Have a good time." Brooke is a bit confused about who she's giving a lap dance to. I'm feminine as is my female straight friend, but the other ladies there are also gay, but more on the masculine side. I pop up and' she's confused. "What am I doing for you?" I lean in and say, "You're dancing for me tonight." She gets a huge smile on her face and says, "Yessss, I am!" and she guides me to the private area and leads me to the very last seat in the back. I'm nervous, my legs are shaking and being as though I've never had a lap dance before, I kinda don't know what to do, where to put my hands, if I can touch her and so on. She jiggles her butt in my face (this is her go-to move that she also does on stage as the music is cued up) and tells me, "Let's wait until the song is over so you can get an entire dance." Once the music starts, she spreads my legs further apart and sticks her knee in my crotch and starts to dance for me. "You can grab my butt if you want." And I do. She's so soft, smells so good, and is in awesome model shape. She is in the best shape out of all the girls in the club. "I love your tits" she says and runs her hands and down my breasts. One minute later, I peak over her shoulder and I see my female friend's eyes over the partition and then her fist pump in the air, followed by a bunch of hollering. Her hands are all over me, I can't begin to tell you how soft her skin is. I get more and more into it. She begins to moan in my ear and sniff my neck and angles me into a tribbing position. For the next two songs, I'm in absolute heaven. I trace my fingers along her back and hold her close to me. She feels me up a lot and our lips are really close together. It takes all of my restraint from not getting carried away. When my songs are over, she gets up to lead me back, but she stops and says, "Girl, my knees are shaking, I have to sit down." And I take the opportunity to pay her right there. I give her a good tip and she smacks my ass as I walk away. Oh, My. God. Why didn't I do this before when I was really "aching" for it. Minutes later, the club is filled with very feminine women who look like they are on the conservative side and very pretty. I haven't seen this before in the past few weeks. The women are more into what they are seeing than the men. The guys are on their phones, while the ladies are the ones eye fucking the strippers. They're really into it. One gorgeous girl in the audience gets up and begins to grind on another girl in the crowd and everyone is screaming, because they're both very hot. One of the last dances of the night is the stripper who danced for me and she does a really good job. Halfway into her dance and very tipsy, I find myself front stage, competing with other men, throwing dollar bills at her feet. She stands up towards me and blows me a kiss. I'm cracking up laughing, but having a great time. I wanted to tell the girl who was grinding on the other one, that I think she's f'g hot (she screamed bisexual to me, even though she was there with a guy) but that didn't end up happening because after my stripper cleaned up during her dance, that hot chick got into a cat fight with another hot girl where they were both sitting, front row. That kinda ended the night for us, but f-ck, I had so much fun. I hope when we go back it's alive with even more women, because that was awesome (and all of those girls were totally turned on by the strippers, so the odds of approaching one of 'em and exchanging numbers is more in my favor). The end. Lol.
I went to the strip club with my ex-husband and a group of friends last weekend. Had a blast and got my first lap dance (well, back-to-back dances). The aftermath of this is having to hear judgmental comments about how I looked while at the strip club. Being there in that environment is one of the few places where I can be me. Where I can let my hair down and show that side of me. When it comes to women, the only person who I'm very bluntly honest with is my ex-husband; I'm able to talk to him like I write on this forum (that, in itself, is a work in progress- understandably). The comments I've heard after the fact have been the following: You looked like a dog in heat. No offense to the kids on the little yellow school bus, but you looked like one of those children who drool. You were drooling all over her (the stripper who danced for me). You're hooked (on the strip club). You looked so desperate to rush to the stage and make it rain for that chick who danced for you. And things of that nature. I've never had so many comments geared to my romantic life until I expressed my interest in dating women. And I'm a little over it. I almost feel like some people in my life take too much of an interest re: that part of me. They've never spoken this way until now, when my feelings, interactions, and social situations surround my romantic same-sex feelings. I still have residual shame and guilt regarding how I feel, as evidenced by the fact that if I check-out a woman who I'm unsure is bi/gay, remorse inevitably ensues. For me, I don't find it appropriate to look at women unless I know they have an interest in women...that doesn't mean I don't do it, I fight myself w/it all the time because I know that the fall-out will be me, beating myself up for it. I just don't recall anyone saying much about my sexual preferences, before. I know that by opening myself up to this, as with anything, will come comments and judgments, but I've always been this way. So damn frustrating for me, because this has been anything but a walk in the park. I def need to make more bi/gay friends...
Over the weekend, my fiancee and I went to a strip club for the first time. It wasn't a new experience for him (well going with a female was, but not the strip club experience itself). For me, it was the first time ever. It was my idea to go. When we first got there, I was really uncomfortable, just not really sure what to make of it all. After a few drinks, I started to loosen up a bit. He kept insisting that I should get a dance to get the full experience. I wasn't ready until about 5 drinks in and when it was almost the end of the night. One of the dancers had come over and was talking to us checking in to see how our night was going and as she was leaving, she grazed her hand across my shoulders and that was all it took and I was ready for him to approach one of the dancers for the dance. I am really shy by nature so there was just no way I could do it lol. He was standing there talking to the one that I had noticed the most, explaining to her that it was my first time there and if she would grace me with my first dance. She told him that she could definitely take care of me and came walking over, grabbed me by the hand and pulled me to the couch at the other end of the bar. It was a little more private there. My fiancee stayed back at the table and ended up taking a bathroom break and then getting me another drink while I was getting the dance. The dancer first asked me what I was comfortable with and I explained to her that since I hadn't done anything like that before, I wasn't sure so she could just do what she does. She told me that she was taking off the remainder of her clothing (which wasn''t much since it was a nude club) and that I was going to get one of her best dances. She started dancing and I didn't think anything of it aside from enjoying it until I feel her grab my hands and put them on her boobs and hear her telling me that touching is sometimes encouraged. Then I felt her hands on my boobs and she made a comment about how mine are bigger than hers. We ended up joking about it when I told her oh it's mostly the bra and she laughed and said hers is the same way under her clothes lol. She seemed to get really close, so close that I could have easily done what I was wanting to by that time. Once the dance was done, she wanted to do like a double high five and made the comment that we did good lol. She never even asked for the money for the dance so I offered it up before walking away. The fiancee thinks that she may have had some interest because of the way things went. Either way, it was a blast! It actually cleared up a lot of my curiousity and my fiancee said that since then, it's like a weight has been lifted off me and my confidence level seems higher now. It definitely was something that has me wanting to go back just to get out and have some fun. And my fiancee seemed to really like the after effect lol. I halfway expected him to be looking at all the women and me getting a little irritated with it but it turned out that he hardly ever took his eyes off of me, he just watched how I reacted to everything. And I wasn't phased at all with them hanging on him when they did. Definitely a fun experience that I am so glad I decided to have!