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Asch311

Frustrations From Expectations

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i hate that I’m here upset. upset with her and slightly more upset at myself. why did i go there? why did i allow my self to anticipate and expect and ready myself for time with her? by now, i should know that hoping only leads to disappointment. and then an escalating feeling of anger toward her.

Alas, i caused this. i crept into this space. i made visible my desperation to walk (not run) side by side as the hot midday sun bake us and resultingly cause sweat to drip profusely from unwarranted areas. that, i would endure to be able to see her in jogging pants accompanied by that light glow she gets when breaking a sweat. i won’t get that today. our plan did not come to fruition. and so i bathe in frustration.

and more frustration and i see petulance not far from arriving. i mentally slap myself. a wake-the-hell-up kind of slap. and just enough to snap me back. to the reality of my unreciprocated desire for her.

and slowly i come to peace. i’ve scolded myself enough. i realize. i am afforded a chance to practice my self control and let feelings go and be resilient. this practice is allowing me to practice. practice having no expectations. practice the overdue unhinging of attachment to her. practice no expectaions.

Edited by Asch311
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:wub: I know the feeling xx

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Brilliant... been there done that :(

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