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How Do You Feel Being Married To A Guy When You Are Bi?

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Good luck MSR in telling him.I recently told my husband and I was shaking as I did so ! but,he was really,truly okay with it. He has been very supportive.It's such a weight of my shoulders to get it out and say " I'm Bisexual"! .I'm lucky.We have been together 14 years .

 

Just go for it. He may surprise you ?

 

Thanks for the support. How did you start the conversation? If you don't mind me asking.

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Hi MSR. We got into talking about our sexual fantasies one night recently and I just blurted it out that I am bisexual.It just seemed the perfect time to do it. I hadn't planned it .But I think because we were both relaxed (in bed),it was easier.

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I can see being in bed would work, its sort of how I am thinking of telling him. Just need that last bit of courage (this doesn't seem like the right word but it is the only one I can think of).

Hi MSR. We got into talking about our sexual fantasies one night recently and I just blurted it out that I am bisexual.It just seemed the perfect time to do it. I hadn't planned it .But I think because we were both relaxed (in bed),it was easier.

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Thanks for the support. How did you start the conversation? If you don't mind me asking.

 

I was very casually talking about "What if" scenarios. What if I hooked up with a girl? What if I hooked up with a guy? Is kissing cheating? Etc. We were also laying in bed.

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I've been with my husband for 2O years, and recently told him I'm attracted to women, and would like to pursue a relationship with one. He was hesitant, and like a lot of your husbands, had the concern I'd eventually want to leave him. Once he realized this wasn't going to happen, he seemed to accept it. I get the feeling though that he thinks its just a phase. But, my attraction to him ( all men, really) is very low, and I'm definitely more into women lately. I do love him, and would never leave him over this ( we have three kids). If something were to happen though, I probably would seek out out a relationship with another woman. That all being said, sometimes I feel like this isn't fair to him. How much of my attraction is a want vs a need? ( I feel very strongly its a need!) And its tough to deny yourself that.

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I've been with my husband for 2O years, and recently told him I'm attracted to women, and would like to pursue a relationship with one. He was hesitant, and like a lot of your husbands, had the concern I'd eventually want to leave him. Once he realized this wasn't going to happen, he seemed to accept it. I get the feeling though that he thinks its just a phase. But, my attraction to him ( all men, really) is very low, and I'm definitely more into women lately. I do love him, and would never leave him over this ( we have three kids). If something were to happen though, I probably would seek out out a relationship with another woman. That all being said, sometimes I feel like this isn't fair to him. How much of my attraction is a want vs a need? ( I feel very strongly its a need!) And its tough to deny yourself that.

 

My husband just doesn't get me any more, so I'm not surprised he doesn't understand my need to be with a woman. We have two young children together so I don't want to do anything that's going to upset their worlds.

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Hi I am new and literally just joined.

I can't believe what I have just been reading.

It sounds so like me and now I feel I am not alone or an odd ball so to speak.

I have been married 18 years and started going out with him 22 years ago.

I was upfront with him that I liked women as well and he was ok with that.

He managed to convince me I was straight when we were married so I pushed all my confused thoughts out of my head.

For some reason I just can't stop thinking about being with another woman. Luckily I haven't met anyone as I really don't know what I would do.

It doesn't help that with the medications he is on it has caused a problem with our sex life for the last 5 years. It does make it hard but I married him for sickness and health.

I have told him I think about women and they turn me on more than men hence the type of programmes I like to watch. He is ok with this. I can't believe he is understanding which makes it harder. I also have 2 children. They are the ones that come first before any of my feelings. I am not sure how others think on this and I can feel myself getting really red as I type this.

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I just wouldn't know where to start in replying to this.........I've too many words..............Sigh.

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I'm really struggling with how I feel about this now. I like the simplicity of being married to a man and having a family. It is what is expected. It is "normal". I don't have to worry about people treating me like shit because of who I am with. I love my husband. I have a good life. I just can't help being really attracted to women. In the last couple of months it seems like being with a women is all I can think about. I've always had these feelings, but it used to be a lot easier to suppress them. It seems like the older I get the harder it is. I'm thinking about how to tell my husband about all of this. I think he will be okay with it because I have been dropping hints. I just don't know what I would do if he was not cool with it.

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I'm really struggling with how I feel about this now. I like the simplicity of being married to a man and having a family. It is what is expected. It is "normal". I don't have to worry about people treating me like shit because of who I am with. I love my husband. I have a good life. I just can't help being really attracted to women. In the last couple of months it seems like being with a women is all I can think about. I've always had these feelings, but it used to be a lot easier to suppress them. It seems like the older I get the harder it is. I'm thinking about how to tell my husband about all of this. I think he will be okay with it because I have been dropping hints. I just don't know what I would do if he was not cool with it.

 

I totally understand where you're coming from :-/

Life used to be relatively simple didn't it...before we started to 'acknowledge' these feelings we are having towards females.

I'm just the same, since admitting to myself & allowing myself to think/look at women, life seems way more complicated now!

I, like you, have a good life, which I don't want to jeopardise in any way.

But you can't help who you're attracted to can you.

Since being honest with myself for the first time in years, I'm also thinking about women constantly now, & it's just so darn distracting Lol

 

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I totally understand where you're coming from :-/

Life used to be relatively simple didn't it...before we started to 'acknowledge' these feelings we are having towards females.

I'm just the same, since admitting to myself & allowing myself to think/look at women, life seems way more complicated now!

I, like you, have a good life, which I don't want to jeopardise in any way.

But you can't help who you're attracted to can you.

Since being honest with myself for the first time in years, I'm also thinking about women constantly now, & it's just so darn distracting Lol

 

It just shows how different we all are and looking for different things. I never had that 'wondering' stage about women in general... I kind of stumbled into a same sex relationship on the rebound from breaking up with a long-term boyfriend. I did go through agonies about whether I wanted to take it to that level with a woman, but it was initially about her, not women in general. I did start sleeping with her, and though the relationship didn't work out, I'm glad I did, because it awoke things inside me and opened up my sexuality. I still long to be married though, to a loving husband I can love back with all my heart. Please cherish your loving husbands - as an unhappily single woman in her 40s, I wish I was as lucky as you!

 

I tend to connect with a person more than one gender or the other. When I was in my same-sex relationship, I didn't think about men at all, I loved her and I only wanted to have sex with her. If I were to find a lovely man and start a new relationship, I don't think I'll have feelings about other women. I'm struggling with being single though. It's weird that I find casual sex with gay women easier than with men, but in my heart, I still want to meet this imaginary 'knight in shining armour' I'll be able to give my heart to and settle down with. Could I fall in love with another woman? I actually found my same-sex relationship almost too instense... it was too intense to last, maybe it was infatuation, maybe it was the excitement of doing something that still felt 'taboo', but then the strain of coming out to just one family member about it was also too much, and it couldn't really go anywhere. That's why I'd be wary of getting involved with another woman on a more emotional basis. Yet when you fall in love everything goes out of the window, and you never know what the person will be like or whether they'll love you back until you meet them.

 

I hope we all find whatever happiness we're looking for :)

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I love what Helen has to say about cherishing loving husbands. As bad as I want a relationship with a woman, I never want to replace the bond I have with him. Never take love with anyone for granted sweet ladies!

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I've been in a relationship with a man for the last 5 years ( been married before that ) but have known since a teenager I'm bi. I've met a woman so we meet up now and again but we are very discreet about our affair. I won't tell my partner as I know he would want to join in or watch. I know it's not fair what I'm doing 😕

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Wow, it's great to see so many people feel exactly how I feel. I have been married 20 years and I've just come out as bi to my husband. he's known for years that I fancy woman but I had a job to persuade him that I am serious and this isn't just a fantasy that I'm happy to leave in the realm of fantasy. I have two problems. Firstly, he wants to have a threesome. I am not at all interested in this. I ideally would like to explore this part of my sexuality (I've never had a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman) but I think maybe I'm being unfair and this would count as cheating. Secondly, I am completely obsessed with thoughts of exploring romance and sex with a woman. As TaureanGirl said, it's very disctracting!

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Wow, this is amazing! I'm going on 12 years of marriage this fall and am totally happy and committed to my husband and children. My husband is fully supportive of my desire to have a girlfriend, he feels it only cheating if I'm intimate with a guy :)

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Im married ,14 years this month,and I struggle with feeling like a selfish B because he's a great husband,father..and yet I think about women all the time...infact,i really sometimes wonder if I'm Lesbian.If I wasn't married I would only go for women. I love my Husband ,and we do have an agreement that if I meet the right lady,then I can pursue it. BUT,i feel guilty ..a lot !. I find men attractive still,but I just don't wanna have sex with them.Including my Husband. Oh ,the "joys" aye .

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I'm not being flippant and not trying to sound crass, but I love licking and tasting pussy and I love having a big dick in my pussy, and a few months ago, I had both at the same time. I think that I really truly like both men and women equally sexually. That's probably not normal.

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A really good question and It's good reading how other married women handle it. I have a really good marriage,we are very happy and we have three children .But yes,i think about being with a woman all the time ! It makes things difficult.I hear other bi people say they are happy being monogamous but how ??...because honestly,i feel like a piece of me is missing.!? .I have recently admitted to myself I am bi and since then my feelings ( and urges) have gotten stronger.I'm hoping that this just because im new to identifying as bi and that,in time,the feelings will settle down but,I don't know.It feels like emotional cheating when I dream about waking up with a woman in my arms. I feel guilty and an ungrateful bitch because my husband is so good to me.I've told him im bi and his main worry when I told him was i'd leave him for a woman but I assured him I never would and I meant it.I love him too much.

We have discussed open marriage and he seems to be okay with it but,I think the reality for him would be hard.But I am thinking about it seriously.

 

There have been multiple times in my life when I've been with a man and felt like a part of me was missing. I feel that way right now in my life. I've known all my life that I am bisexual, and I'm in my early 30s. I remember realizing, at one point in my early 20s, that I had been subconsciously assuming that my attraction to women would go away, and at that same time I realized that it was not going away. I'm only speaking from my experience, and things may turn out to be different for you down the road. But I wouldn't necessarily just bet on those feelings going away. Just my 2 cents. Listen to your heart, whatever you find to be true for yourself.

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... my need to be myself at the moment is greater than my need for a peaceful life.

 

I love this! More power to you!

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I've been with my husband for 2O years, and recently told him I'm attracted to women, and would like to pursue a relationship with one. He was hesitant, and like a lot of your husbands, had the concern I'd eventually want to leave him. Once he realized this wasn't going to happen, he seemed to accept it. I get the feeling though that he thinks its just a phase. But, my attraction to him ( all men, really) is very low, and I'm definitely more into women lately. I do love him, and would never leave him over this ( we have three kids). If something were to happen though, I probably would seek out out a relationship with another woman. That all being said, sometimes I feel like this isn't fair to him. How much of my attraction is a want vs a need? ( I feel very strongly its a need!) And its tough to deny yourself that.

 

I know what you mean about feeling sometimes like it isn't fair to your committed partner. Sometimes I feel like that, too, about my desire to be with a woman in addition to being with him. I think it's about exploring and negotiating needs and boundaries, e.g. what each person wants to do, is willing to do, and is not willing to do.

 

If you feel that your attraction to women and your desire to start a relationship with a woman is a need, then it is! Needs and wants are felt by the individual who has them, so what one feels they are is probably the best indicator for what they are! :-)

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Wow, it's great to see so many people feel exactly how I feel. I have been married 20 years and I've just come out as bi to my husband. he's known for years that I fancy woman but I had a job to persuade him that I am serious and this isn't just a fantasy that I'm happy to leave in the realm of fantasy. I have two problems. Firstly, he wants to have a threesome. I am not at all interested in this. I ideally would like to explore this part of my sexuality (I've never had a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman) but I think maybe I'm being unfair and this would count as cheating. Secondly, I am completely obsessed with thoughts of exploring romance and sex with a woman. As TaureanGirl said, it's very disctracting!

 

I don't know where the term "cheating" came from to describe infidelity, but it always makes me think of cheating on an exam, which makes me feel like it has nothing to do with infidelity. Well, OK, maybe it's the dishonesty part in both cases. Anyways, I think that if two committed partners are both open about what they want and can come to a consensual agreement about doing something, then that something is not cheating, no matter what the something actually is, and no matter whether it would be considered "cheating" in mainstream society's unwritten book of memes. If you are not at all interested in having a threesome, then the fact that your husband would like to have one does not mean that one needs to or should happen. If your husband would not be OK with you having relations with a woman without him being involved in such relations, then the fact that you would like to have that does not mean that that needs to or should happen. And I'm not saying that you don't deserve to get your needs met. I'm just saying that I think each person putting their cards on the table and expressing what they want, need, and are willing to do and not willing to do, can be helpful in coming to consensual agreements that may work for both people.

 

And I know what you mean about the distraction and obsession. It's pretty divine but also hell!

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I'm not being flippant and not trying to sound crass, but I love licking and tasting pussy and I love having a big dick in my pussy, and a few months ago, I had both at the same time. I think that I really truly like both men and women equally sexually. That's probably not normal.

 

What is normal?

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I am married and my husband knows that I am bisexual. ...

 

He told me he is allright with me having relationships with women. He wants me to be happy and as long as I am open with him about what I am doing it is great. He and I both want to make sure the lines of communication is open.

I have not found a woman as of yet. I will be honest with her when I do find her. I will not leave my husband, but she will be important to me.

 

This is my situation. My husband is very supportive and knew that I was bi before we got married.

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I am currently doing the open marriage/poly thing while married to a man. It's only happened fairly recently. I'm still figuring it out...but to me this is preferable over the years of longing and wondering what it would be like to touch another woman. I definitely still crave him and hetero sex. But I also love being with a woman. Although I enjoy girl sex, what I like the most is the touching, cuddling and feel of another woman's body against mine. I'm happy to get both.

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