GirlsGonna

Self Acceptance

16 posts in this topic

Hey guys! Been a while since I've been on here.

 

So I wanted to talk to you all about an issue that's been bugging me for a really long time now and just get some advice. I've known I'm bisexual for 2-3 years now, however, my issue is I feel horrible with myself for feeling that way. I come from a homophobic family as well so it doesn't help kind of accepting myself. The idea of coming out to my family and friends seems impossible to me. Any advice? Thank you!

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I sympathize. My husband knows. But nobody else in our community does. I live in a conservative area. I would be terrified for anyone here to find out.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why do you need to come out? This is where I'm very different from others here. I'm only interested in me and how I feel. As long as I accept who I am and that I'm comfortable in my own skin that is all that really matters. You can't live your life living up to other people's expectations.

I live in a very conservative area as well and where most people frown upon any kind of homosexuality. If I came out, I get nothing but grief. I could even loose my job. So no thanks. Remember.. "What people don't know, doesn't hurt them."

7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have to agree with the other ladies. I come from a conservative background and its better not to feel obligated to be open to everyone. It's been my experience that some people only ask to make you their principle source of gossip. You're a grown woman and these boundaries are within your right to draw. Throw your energy into making true blue connections and don't worry. Everyone is on a journey in this thing called life, acceptance isn't achieved possibilities are endless.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you have anyone around you that you would feel a bit safe coming out to?

 

At least you have this community to know you are not alone. :)

 

I hope you're able to calm the inner turmoil in time! Maybe a counselor would be good for sorting through these feelings?

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Internalized homophobia can be nasty. I know from experience. But it is learned and it means it can be unlearned. It takes time and effort.

 

If you have a friend, or person you are sure would be ok with you being bi and whom you trust enough, talking to that person might help.

Having supportive friends helped me a lot. They didn't let me get away with my initial self-loathing. Being accepted from them made it easier to accept myself. I knew that they would be ok with my sexuality and that they would support me, but even knowing that, coming out was, at first, super scary.

 

It was already said that you do not have to come out. It is not a duty. It's something you do for your own sake and when you feel ready.

 

Maybe writing more about how you feel might help?

 

Being bisexual is normal, natural and it is ok. It doesn't hurt to mention that ;)

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been there... when i discovered my second nature it was a war inside my head. No this cant be possible. This is not me at all. Well, it took me quite sometimes to actually accept myself and love myself for who I really am. It's a process that takes time, plus...there is nothing wrong with being attracted to girls as well. I know it's easy to say it when you are at peace with yourself but it is actually true.

 

Let it go and don't think about telling anyone if this is still something that bothers you. I don't go around asking my straight (or gay) friends questions about their sex life. It's none of my business after all. Unless they want to talk about it. So why you should tell your preferences? Some people are more private than others and that's perfectly OK.

 

The "issue" here is not with other people but with yourself. Give it time, use this website to feel accepted and to understand that these things are quite common and normal actually. I owe Shys a lot in this regards. It helped me a lot in accepting my sexuality and also act on it so you're on the right track. Good luck :)

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know how you feel. I am slowly coming to terms with the liking women as I to have issues with it. Some days I'm okay with it and then other days I feel guilty. I don't think you need to come out just be yourself and try and take things slowly, as the other ladies have said one good friend to talk to can really help. I know I wouldn't be able to cope without my best friend, she knows everything about me, so I don't have to pretend to be what I'm not and she knows when I'm having a hard time excepting myself. She is the only one who knows because I'm not yet comfortable with myself to tell my husband, one day I will be, but until then I have her and shybi.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well for me is I had to learn to love my self and stop trying to be who everyone wants me to be I tried but I was stress out so he knows and if he can love and accept me because just like them they new me first and I'm the same person I was before I told you . you just have figure out what's best for you and I wish you knothing but the best.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Im seeing a councillor at the moment to work though my feelings and it is helping, i think time will help you to feel more comfortable too. Its easy to say, but try not to focus too much on 'having to come out' for now and jsut focus on you

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with clarey02... Maybe it would be helpful to talk with a therapist? I am currently looking for one right now. Sometimes doing research can help you find ones that are queer friendly. It might be worth it to find someone a little farther away from your hometown too. I struggle with being bi as well. Part of me wants to be completely open but part of me doesn't. I mostly struggle with my feelings for women. It feels like I am cheating sometimes and that freaks me out. Please know that you aren't alone.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey guys! Been a while since I've been on here.

 

So I wanted to talk to you all about an issue that's been bugging me for a really long time now and just get some advice. I've known I'm bisexual for 2-3 years now, however, my issue is I feel horrible with myself for feeling that way. I come from a homophobic family as well so it doesn't help kind of accepting myself. The idea of coming out to my family and friends seems impossible to me. Any advice? Thank you!

I've been there where u are right now. My whole life I've known I like girls and hated myself for it.....it was self loathing at the highest level. It got to the point where I fancied this girl so much (unrequited but that's another story) to the point where I could no longer deny or hide it. I went to counselling which helped a lot and now I accept myself without shame.......took me a while to get here but am happy with myself at long last:)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I completely understand where you are and I am struggling with something similar. I am out to very few people where I live now. Maybe 3-4 people including my husband. I currently live in a small conservative town. I haven't always lived here. I have openly dated women before I moved here. My issue is that I am married to a man and that is all that anyone knows where I am living right now minus those few people. I feel like I am living a lie while I pass as straight everyday. I was raised to love and respect everyone so I don't know the homophobia from those I love, but I hear it everyday from colleagues at work and the clients I work with. I hate that I don't stand up to those people because I am scared of repercussions. I guess my struggle is with accepting this closeted version of myself. I feel like I have gone backwards and that is no fun.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're not alone. I struggle with the same thing. The only person who knows how I feel about women is my very close male friend. My husband doesn't know but I hope to tell him soon. It took me awhile to even accept it for myself. I'm still unsure because I've never done anything with a woman so sometimes I just think I'm curious. I'm the kind of person who wants to experience everything and I don't want to have any regrets. So sometimes I think I just want to try it just to try it. And sometimes I think I'm just legitimately bisexual. Why does this have to be so complicated?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

it doesn't help my situation either figuring out i like girls and by my family standards as well as community/country standards, it's not right to have these kinds of feelings. but i tried to be logical to myself just as much like hey accepting yourself has nothing to do with coming out. they are completely 2 different things. though at times it kinda hurts to realize if you're dating a girl, you can't holla her at every member of your family. though i come out with most/all my friends, so it made it so much easier to live with for a long while. it's like you tie yourself at one end and let loose at the other, so you can breathe. lol. in the end, i just mutter the courage to come out to my parents and those are the ones i need the support the most.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wud like to cum out 2 my partner only so I didn't feel guilty sneaking round behind his back, other than that I don't feel any reason 4 any1 else to know x

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now