abbey_rd

Older Women

178 posts in this topic

@Aphrodite21. The way you write about the situation shows just how considerate you are.

Edited by Shymaybebi
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@Shymaybebi - thanks for your helpful comments!

 

I really never thought I would find myself in this situation in a million years, but life and the human heart move in mysterious ways... (You can say that you would never do a certain thing, but there are so many people in the world, it's guaranteed that at least one of them could make you change your mind and break your rule.) It isn't just a sexual attraction, so that makes it even more daunting, but also very thrilling. I am trying not to over-analyze the situation, in terms of why each of us might be attracted to the other (especially with regard to age-related issues, such as the possibility that I am having a mid-life crisis of some kind, or that she is seeking a maternal figure), but I think it really comes down to two spirits connecting with one another, and so the age issue really doesn't come into it or matter in that regard (although I still worry about the consequences - for example, just of physically being so much older than her, and what that actually means in terms of the future, as I will soon be 55). We all know that life is short, and in my experience, this kind of connection doesn't happen often, so is precious and should be valued for what it is and however long it lasts. Also, I should say that we seem to be strangely familiar to one another, as though we already know one another very well, or have found each other again after having known one another before, so there is a kind of wondrous quality to the attraction. (I suspect that she has never encountered this kind of situation before, and she often looks astonished by it, but also seems exhilarated.)

 

I know what you mean about not underestimating her - when I was in my 20s, I really hated having older people do that to me, and always thought that if I chose to take a risk by embarking on a sexual relationship or love affair with an older person, then it was my decision to do that and deal with the consequences. She is definitely insecure, and I can see, is waiting for a clear indication that I want to take things further, or for me to make the first move (but I think she already knows that I want her). I really don't expect her to be the one to initiate the next step, and I have always been very confident in my sexual/romantic dealings with women, but this is a new dynamic for me, so I am hesitating because I am still struggling with it, and am still not sure if it would be the right thing to do (my heart tells me that it is, but my head keeps on interfering with analysis, and I am finding the intensity of my emotions a bit daunting).

 

I can see that our relationship has wonderful potential, and have a good feeling that things will work out the way they should, but I know that, as the older person, I must take on the responsibility for navigating the course.

 

As far as how things have progressed so far, it is a very erotic, sensual relationship, based on looking, which sometimes feels like full-blown sex (and, I believe, is a form of sex). In my experience, looking between women can be extremely intense, and is something to be savoured. Even when we are talking to one another, we are still looking...it never stops. If things are this hot already, and we haven't even touched one another yet (except casually), I can only imagine what it would be like to take things further.

 

Going slowly is part of the pleasure...

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My sex drive is a lot higher now in my 40s than it was in my twenties----and I am much more adventurous sexually, I think I could keep up pretty well with a young girl, but I don't seek it out.

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Aphrodite21, have you actually talked about these feeling with this younger woman? I mean Body language is all very well and yes some attractions between people are fairly obvious, but maybe this younger woman needs you to clarify what's going on verbally? For me the idea of somebody just lunging at me horrifies me, I would need affirming words, regardless of any age difference.

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@myladylove - Don't worry, I promise not to lunge at her (although I do think she would probably like that!). I am fully aware that this is a very delicate situation, as it is coupled with the process of coming out, and I would not dream of doing anything that would frighten or upset her. We are taking everything very slowly, and getting to know one another better (going out for coffee, lunch, etc.), and will take it from there.

 

There have been a couple of times when it has been very obvious that she wanted me to kiss her, but despite the sincere desire to do so, I decided not to, because it seemed too soon (and then she was clearly disappointed, and a bit upset with me afterward).

 

I am not sure that verbal clarification will be necessary before making a physical move, but if there are indications that it is, I will ask her how she feels, and express how I feel to her.

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This thread could not have come in a better time. I never really thought about age differences because I have friends from all sorts of ages. When it comes to attraction, they are usually 7 years older / younger..not by choice....just be socialising with them and then sometimes that spark just happens. But as many of you have said, it is more about the person than the age number.

 

Recently though, the age difference seem to have matter and the reason just seem to be more societally than my own. I mean if I can get along with anyone no matter the age, why I shouldn't I be attracted to them. I've signed up on HER and have been getting chat request from lovely young ladies. I don't respond because I think surely it's a mistake......thinking why would they be interested? This perspective, I realise, is more of a negative on me really. And I realise that now.

 

Then there is this 26 year old girl at work who has been flirting with me......I reluctantly say flirting as I could say overly friendly but have telling some friends, they are more incline to say flirting. We have been hanging out more a lot more these day. I am beginning to develop a crush and been trying to keep a lid on it. Partially because we work together and that she is way way to young for me.

 

But seeing this thread has changed my outlook. It's been very very helpful. Life is short especially when anything can happen and when there are opportunities to experience something special or wonderful or just positive, it would a shame to turn away due to fears, taboos, societal judgement/values. AND I should give the young ladies more credit in that they know what they are doing when they are pursuing what they want.

 

So am going to answer some chat request, just go with flow and see how this friendship at work develops. :)

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I'm 33 and I tend to find myself attracted to older women and men in the past to be fair, most if my relationships have been with older people and i also tend to become friends with people older than me and I've always been like that!

That said I don't think I would be put off seeing someone just because of their age, if I connect with them then that's enough for me.

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Life is really too short to deny a genuine connection between two people, but I guess it's how you approach it that matters.

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I have always worried about my age. That is part of the reason I have taken the step to experience a relationship with a woman. Afraid that no one would be interested in some one my age. I always thought that it's the younger women who are out there looking and when they can have someone young beautiful a tight body why would they even give me a second look. I do try to stay fit and I do have a young fun attitude. With all that said if a woman younger than me showed any interest I wouldn't dismiss the idea any more as long as there is a connection. I think of myself as a older woman with a young heart and I still have all the needs and desires as younger woman have. So within reason age wouldn't be a factor either way older or younger. This site has helped me realize that!

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@Lizzie1967 - I love what you said about thinking of yourself as an 'older woman with a young heart' and still having 'all the needs and desires younger women have'. I feel that way too, plus I do think that as we grow older the depth of our needs and desires does too, as does our ability to love, and our sexual prowess increases with experience.

 

With regard to the perceptions of young women, being young at heart is attractive, and exuding sexual desire is erotic. Also, as is often said, confidence is sexy, so the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more attractive you will be to younger women (and everyone else!).

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I have always worried about my age. That is part of the reason I have taken the step to experience a relationship with a woman. Afraid that no one would be interested in some one my age. I always thought that it's the younger women who are out there looking and when they can have someone young beautiful a tight body why would they even give me a second look. I do try to stay fit and I do have a young fun attitude. With all that said if a woman younger than me showed any interest I wouldn't dismiss the idea any more as long as there is a connection. I think of myself as a older woman with a young heart and I still have all the needs and desires as younger woman have. So within reason age wouldn't be a factor either way older or younger. This site has helped me realize that!

 

Age is just a number I think, if you connect with someone then go for it! Our needs and desires don't fade as we get older. I'll always be young at heart and it's great that you are too! There is a woman out there for you Lizzie!

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Thank you for this topic. There was an older lady who was hitting on me the other day, didn't know how to react so I just gave her my nr when asked, and she knows I'm new. Don't know what her story is really but I think she has a midlife crises now that she's a widow and got to the big 40. Maybe she just want to feel young again?

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@Malificent - Well, just think, at the age of 40 how much sexual experience she is likely to have (probably around 20 years or so), whether with women, men or both, and how you could benefit from that...

 

I was thinking about this the other day, and realized that I have over 35 years of experience with women - I'm feeling pretty good about that!

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Also, it could be that she wants to feel young again, but there isn't really anything wrong with that, as you will each give the other your own life experience and perspective. While people the same age have shared experience in common, in some ways two people of different ages bring something more to the table, which could be quite exciting and of great value. It's also very hot!

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I agree Lizzie67 I think that's why I tend to go for an older woman but it's also a natural thing, I've always thort a younger girl wud b put off by my body as I'm 47 n had kids n got scars from caesareans n other ops on my belly few stretch marks altho I I look after myself. I've had a few young girls msg me but I also feel it wud b wrong as my eldest child is 30 so to me they r way 2 young n it personally feels wrong 2 me X

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I have always worried about my age. That is part of the reason I have taken the step to experience a relationship with a woman. Afraid that no one would be interested in some one my age. I always thought that it's the younger women who are out there looking and when they can have someone young beautiful a tight body why would they even give me a second look. I do try to stay fit and I do have a young fun attitude. With all that said if a woman younger than me showed any interest I wouldn't dismiss the idea any more as long as there is a connection. I think of myself as a older woman with a young heart and I still have all the needs and desires as younger woman have. So within reason age wouldn't be a factor either way older or younger. This site has helped me realize that!

I agree Lizzie. Im also an older woman with a young heart. I'm a 53 year old teenager. Lol.

I always feel inadequate around younger woman, interior even. Although i prefer a woman a little younger. I have a huge heart but finding someone who is really interested in that is near impossible.

 

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It's not easy getting older because your body changes and you don't feel as good about yourself. Fortunately for netty and I we just love everything about each other. When you find that right person, age doesn't matter as long as you get along well with each other.

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Well, if you had told me last year at this time that I would find myself attracted to a 24-year-old woman I would certainly not have believed you! But, as I said earlier, life does move in mysterious ways, and it does have a way of throwing things that you need/desire your way, including challenges. While I do know some 'older women' (45 - 60) who are totally unconcerned with age, some of whom look amazing and some who aren't that concerned with working out and 'taking care of themselves', I personally wouldn't actively seek a relationship with a much younger woman, and would need to have a genuine connection with such a woman (as I do now) to seriously consider a sexual/romantic relationship (although it's still pretty daunting in various ways). Also, if you consider this kind of situation in terms of its possible longevity, it may be that it will be a 'love affair' rather than a long-term relationship, due to the age disparity, which is fine if you are both able to handle that.

 

I know what you mean about insecurities concerning ageing and physical appearance, and I have a number of scars from various operations, which I now consider to be part of myself (I have been told by my lovers that they are sexy, so I guess that has helped shape my view of them). I recall that Abbey, who started this string, said something similar about scars - and, of course, not only older women have them.

 

Maybe my perspective is a bit different because back in my late 30s I nearly died as the result of a very serious illness, and then took ages to recover, so I know from personal experience not to take life for granted, and now view genuine connections with other people as being very precious and to be taken very seriously. If you look at a human life as a whole, as we tend to end up doing when a loved one dies (and we need to write an obituary), that person has had a limited number of relationships of various kinds (some of which others know nothing about), and that's it - that's their life. Many people end up with all sorts of regrets when they are older, because they were too afraid to act on their desires and pursue a relationship with someone they had feelings for, and that is incredibly sad. (Sorry to get all philosophical!) Also, when I was 20, I had a three-year relationship with a woman twice my age (she was one of my professors at university), so I can see things from the other perspective. I was young, but I still loved her profoundly, and when she ended the relationship, due to the age disparity, it really devastated me. Years later, she apologized for this, and said that, at the time, she thought she was doing it for my own good, but then realized how patronizing and hurtful that was, and that it was actually the wrong thing to do, and she regreted it.

 

Anyway, I'm just trying to say that if you ever do find yourself attracted to someone much younger/older, try to view it with an open mind, and be open to the possibility that it might be right for you and the person you care about. And don't worry about what anyone else thinks - it's your life.

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I am 31 and have only been with woman around my age but I do fantasize about being with older woman a lot. I think it would be such a turn on to be with someone much older.

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Hey, age is just a number, for some a higher number than others but remember there is more experience to go alone with that number ;)

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For me age doesn't completely matter. I find at the moment am attracted to one lady who is older and one who is younger. I admit though I have never been with a women, and a that may change if/when I do get to be with one. Both the ladies I am attracted to though it is there personalities that catch my attention not their age. I don't know if that makes sense.

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I understand, A! I'm 27 and I find myself madly attracted to older women. I find them sexier and I'm drawn towards their experience and their intellect. Somehow, it seems I work differently with men. I like them younger because of their looks but I cannot connect with them intellectually.

 

In general, I think age doesn't matter. An ex-gf was 17 years older than me and it was an amazing experience.

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Hello Abbey! I'm 46 yrs young and still fantasize about being with older women. I find maturity very sexy, Maybe it's the sexual maturity im attracted to? I've never focused on the differences in age or body type, It's the mind that feels the touch. ( My Opinion).

:-)

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I guess I would definitely be drawn into women around my age and older ones. Younger, or much younger, feels difficult to me. But there is not black and white on the matter -chemistry is not only about a number.

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I understand, A! I'm 27 and I find myself madly attracted to older women. I find them sexier and I'm drawn towards their experience and their intellect. Somehow, it seems I work differently with men. I like them younger because of their looks but I cannot connect with them intellectually.

 

In general, I think age doesn't matter. An ex-gf was 17 years older than me and it was an amazing experience.

 

Ahem...I'm 39....just sayin...

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