leafyme

Huge Crush Is Mental Torture.

18 posts in this topic

Hi ladies,

 

I need a bit of advice, I realise you probably hear the same situation/story over and over, but I'd really appreciate suggestions. A bit of background, I'm in my mid 30s, married to an awesome and understanding guy who supports me, we have 1 child. I've never actually been with a woman, I've felt attraction to women for as long as I can remember and have always had crushes, but never an opportunity to explore further.

 

Here's my situation: I've been working part time at my current job for about 6 months, a few weeks after I started I noticed one of the team leads looking at me, and then I continued to notice her looking at me. Needless to say, this piqued my interest and I really started to check her out. I totally developed a massive crush on her. At first we were friendly, I engaged in a bit of conversation (a big deal for me as a total introvert), nothing beyond normal co-worker banter, I just wanted to be near her (she would never really start convos with me though), and we would often catch each other staring. Any time she got anywhere near me I would feel so much lust it was unbearable. I will admit that I internet stalked her for a bit to find out info and discovered that she has a boyfriend (no matter, I'm married with a kid :D).

 

By December 2015 she started to really avoid me, like obvious avoidance. If she saw me coming she wouldn't make eye contact, or she would take another route, one time she actually turned right around and walked the other way. It made me so uncomfortable that I started to avoid her as well. But the staring from a distance continued. I still really wanted her though, and I figured if I continued to catch her looking at me, she must be interested but perhaps a bit freaked out?

 

Fast forward to about a mid February, she's now moved to a different department and she's not avoiding me at all anymore, we nearly bump into each other quite a bit, I catch her looking at me all the time, but from a distance still, and we don't talk AT ALL. I feel really awkward, I'd like to talk to her, even just to say hi, but her previous avoidance has shook my confidence completely.

 

I'm at a point now where I feel like I'm going crazy and wondering if I'm actually imagining things. I think about her way more than I should. All the feelings I have are ready to burst and I really just want to know if she is interested at all. I find it mentally/emotionally exhausting, yet exhilarating every time we make eye contact or when she walks by me. It's torture!

 

Thanks for reading, I hope someone has some advice :)

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I think you should start off slow.. Maybe if you see her, smile and say hi. Keep it short. Always say hi when you see her even if she doesn't respond. She will know that you are interested in talking to her and hopefully she will talk to you.

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It's funny, at the start of every week I make a vow to myself that I will say hello to her and I never do. I think about scenarios where I could ask her what the heck is going on between us. I've even thought about sending her a FB message, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. I'd rather talk in person, if I could find the courage.

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Hi ladies,

 

I need a bit of advice, I realise you probably hear the same situation/story over and over, but I'd really appreciate suggestions. A bit of background, I'm in my mid 30s, married to an awesome and understanding guy who supports me, we have 1 child. I've never actually been with a woman, I've felt attraction to women for as long as I can remember and have always had crushes, but never an opportunity to explore further.

 

Here's my situation: I've been working part time at my current job for about 6 months, a few weeks after I started I noticed one of the team leads looking at me, and then I continued to notice her looking at me. Needless to say, this piqued my interest and I really started to check her out. I totally developed a massive crush on her. At first we were friendly, I engaged in a bit of conversation (a big deal for me as a total introvert), nothing beyond normal co-worker banter, I just wanted to be near her (she would never really start convos with me though), and we would often catch each other staring. Any time she got anywhere near me I would feel so much lust it was unbearable. I will admit that I internet stalked her for a bit to find out info and discovered that she has a boyfriend (no matter, I'm married with a kid :D).

 

By December 2015 she started to really avoid me, like obvious avoidance. If she saw me coming she wouldn't make eye contact, or she would take another route, one time she actually turned right around and walked the other way. It made me so uncomfortable that I started to avoid her as well. But the staring from a distance continued. I still really wanted her though, and I figured if I continued to catch her looking at me, she must be interested but perhaps a bit freaked out?

 

Fast forward to about a mid February, she's now moved to a different department and she's not avoiding me at all anymore, we nearly bump into each other quite a bit, I catch her looking at me all the time, but from a distance still, and we don't talk AT ALL. I feel really awkward, I'd like to talk to her, even just to say hi, but her previous avoidance has shook my confidence completely.

 

I'm at a point now where I feel like I'm going crazy and wondering if I'm actually imagining things. I think about her way more than I should. All the feelings I have are ready to burst and I really just want to know if she is interested at all. I find it mentally/emotionally exhausting, yet exhilarating every time we make eye contact or when she walks by me. It's torture!

 

Thanks for reading, I hope someone has some advice :)

 

I would avoid crushes at work period. Don't eat where you S@#$

 

You could suggest/ see if she wants to go out for a drink after work sometimes. But I would seriously not pursue the crush with a coworker.

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Do you two have friends or at least close co-workers in common? If so, maybe you could invite her and a small group of these mutual friends to go out after work or something. That way you might have a chance to talk to her, and it wouldn't feel suspicious, as she wouldn't be the only one invited...

 

Also, if you are friends on FB, maybe you could try to start to interact with her in small ways, for instance, making a casual comment on one of her posts, 'liking' something she posted etc. As long as it feels natural and not too random and intrusive, of course.

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It's hard to control a crush or who you're attracted to. At this point, I'm not in my career job, only part time at this place to earn a bit of extra cash for the time being, so I'm not overly concerned with how it could affect my work environment. If I was in a permanent career position, I would definitely think twice before pursuing.

 

The Facebook suggestions would be great if I was friends with her on FB. It would be too random and weird to send a friend request, which is why I also haven't sent her a FB message.

 

I think I need to suck it up and do what Cherished suggested, start by saying hi and smiling. Maybe she'll start to reciprocate....

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I totally have gone through exactly one of those situations only we were friends and was very closeted at the time. The minute my crush found out I was into girls it was like a green light for flirting, touching etc on nights out, staring across the room at me in work etc. It wasn't anything weird it was just how she looked at me, must admit I liked it and thought there was something there (she certainly made me thinks so anyway), but one drunken night out I told her in front of work ones that I fancied her(couldn't remember doing it at the time cos was so drunk, I only found out I did it a year later!!!) and things were awkward ever since. We no longer work together and barely keep in touch but she really hurt me and it took me ages to get over it.

That was my experience, hope yours turns out better than mine!

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It's hard to control a crush or who you're attracted to. At this point, I'm not in my career job, only part time at this place to earn a bit of extra cash for the time being, so I'm not overly concerned with how it could affect my work environment. If I was in a permanent career position, I would definitely think twice before pursuing.

 

The Facebook suggestions would be great if I was friends with her on FB. It would be too random and weird to send a friend request, which is why I also haven't sent her a FB message.

 

I think I need to suck it up and do what Cherished suggested, start by saying hi and smiling. Maybe she'll start to reciprocate....

 

 

ok, in that circumstance, then yes, casual chatting would be good. even expressing interest in her personal life. guys do this all the time. ask if she has fun plans for the weekends. lay the groundwork, then suggest meeting for drinks after work

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Hi

 

I dont know sounds like when she had the opportunity to talk to you she avoided you. But when you are away from her she looks at you.

 

Sounds like if she likes you, she would never admit it. Maybe as other have posted ask her to go out, if she cant then maybe she just does

 

not know how to socialize.

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If you are free to pursue something, why not ask her out for a lunch, maybe to try a restaurant nearby you've been wanting to try? I don't think you should make rules like "never date a co-worker." You have to take risks, and where else do you meet people?

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I think it's definitely going to take me some time to work up to asking her for a coffee or a pint. I think Abby96 may be correct that she probably likes me, but won't ever admit it or do anything about it, so she looks from a distance. I'll admit that I kinda feel the same way, it really does terrify me thinking about initiating anything. In hetero situations I never did the asking out, and I've not been in a dating situation for almost 16years!!

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Yes, it is hard to go out on a date.. I had a crush on a women that never went anywhere that is why I think this crush may not either.

 

I think sometimes its hard for someone to admit the same sex attractions, and if it involves work she may have some fear there to.

 

My crush was a work to. I did meet other women who I knew were gay upfront, I was nervous the first time I met another women

 

but after that it was fun. I ended up meeting my girlfriend, 3 years ago to get over my crush.I am going to post something on how

 

to really get over a crush, if they seem to come back into your life to.

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I think it's definitely going to take me some time to work up to asking her for a coffee or a pint. I think Abby96 may be correct that she probably likes me, but won't ever admit it or do anything about it, so she looks from a distance. I'll admit that I kinda feel the same way, it really does terrify me thinking about initiating anything. In hetero situations I never did the asking out, and I've not been in a dating situation for almost 16years!!

Think it's probably true she likes u from a distance, that's the way I always was when it came to liking girls, hoping I would never get close enough and feelings would go away-it never happened!

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*sigh* I think you may be right, this is a crush that may never lead anywhere.... I'll enjoy our stolen glances for now and maybe in the future one of us will get the nerve to acknowledge to the other that there is a mutual attraction. Why does it all have to be so complicated.

 

Today I didn't really see her, which makes for a shitty day. I do look forward to going in to work, and she's the reason why.

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I'm sorry I can't be of much help, but just so you know you are totally not alone on this. I've never even kissed another woman before, just the odd admiration, or so that's what I thought it was at the time. I have a huge crush also on a co worker, actually she's my manager, so i know full well it could never ever go anywhere or ever act on this. Just a case of enjoying the odd glances, the million butterflies in your stomach, the absolute going to mush every time you're near, and struggling to get words out and end up coming out completely wrong! I know where you're coming from, it's mental torture, but the only thing I've figured is keep it to myself, try not to act like a total goon when around her and enjoy the secret excitement of getting to see her every day so it makes going to work that bit more worth while...either way, I hope it works out for you.

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Thanks Lizzietee!

 

I do have a bit of an update! We both ended up at a work related gathering at a restaurant several weeks ago, seated near each other and I managed to say a couple things to her. THEN!!! Another co-worker convinced me to go to a bar afterwards and it turned out to be just myself, her and the other co worker. I drank a lot of beer and I actually danced with them (both being several years younger than me and I'm not really a dancer, haha). I chatted a wee bit over the loud music, but I did get a hug in as I left (the other lady gave me a hug, so I felt it polite to give her one too, highlight of the night!) Since then, we've chatted occasionally at work, and smiled at each other. She did tell me that she's started seeing a guy that she was hanging around (ie;kissing) at the bar though. I can't figure out why she told me, I suspect she doesn't want me to think she kisses random guys at bars. I really hope my facial expression didn't look too disappointed, because I got a bit flustered after she told me and I suspect I sounded pretty stupid. We've definitely still got this weird vibe going on though. I'm holding out hope!!

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