Bi4Bi

Bisexual Seniors ........ Mature Women 55+

41 posts in this topic

As an over 60 bisexual, I wonder how many others find it difficult, having grown up in a less than liberal society where sexual diversity was looked upon as 'deviant, to actually find others of any agenda local, who are willing to openly discuss their sexuality - other than on Shy. I even relate well to younger women and age has never been a factor with me, although i know it is to some.

 

In my case, this is even more difficult because I live in a small tourist town with no local outlet for same sex / bi socialising.

I've sort of accepted that, although I can finally admit to myself that I'm bi, it's unlikely that I'll find someone to share my sexuality with.

 

It's not really even the sexual side of things that I crave, as much as closeness, total trust and just being able to hug, kiss and cuddle, as well as support each other.

 

That's why I think it's great to see so many women on here who find a way to express and enjoy their sexuality - given my time again, what society, family and so on dictated would never be something I'd bother about.

 

I stay positive and I enjoy my sexuality, as well as living in hope that I'll one day find a true friend / lover.

 

I'm not sure how many other older women are on Shy but I do wonder sometimes what their experiences are.

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My feelings too. I'm waiting for you to get those 50 up mate. (Sorry Mods) so i can share a lot of thought with you on this as I'm in a similar situation. Apologies tho as I'm not 55 yet but I'll be 54 in March if that's close enough. There isn't many, or it seems about on Shy's that are over 55. I feel I'm in a void where I'm too old. I've missed my run 15 years ago. I crave the friendship, the kisses and cuddles that's missing in my life so bad at times it just hurts. But then look at my girls and thank the mongol prick of a husband I had as I wouldn't have had them.

 

I sometimes curse the experience I had and wonder Why I was given that as I was living the straight life OK until I fell for her.

I also relate well to younger woman as having my girls late, they have kept me young.

 

My Boss, (who is half my age and is absolutely gorgeous), asked that I should take up extra studies. My answer was NO Too bloody old now. My money goes to my girls as their life is just starting. It's better they get the education rather than me. I get pissed off sometimes as I'm in a small town and meeting someone like me is NEVER. But I wake up of a morning and think, "Fuck ! I'm still here" Oh well I'd better get on with it, the birds are singing, my fridge has food n it, I have NO money but, my bill are paid, what do I have to complain about.

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Bi4Bi, is 49 too young to respond to this post? I find it so difficult to find anyone near my age to discuss being Bi or Bi Curious. At some point, it is hard to relate to someone in their 20's or 30's. Unless we keep it strictly on this subject, there isn't a whole lot to talk about People my age and older were not brought up in an environment to be so open about our "non-traditional" sexual attractions. It would be great to have a section for those 50 (or close) and up section. I read a lot of the titles and just can't make myself think they are substantially important, or can relate to. ("hair down there, make-up etc.)

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Hi Terra

 

Certainly not too young !! I welcome the chance to talk about anything that is meaningful in terms of a bi relationship and bisexuality in general.

I can't message you (yet ;) ) but I'd love to discuss anything you would like.

 

You hit the nail on the head about "non traditional " sexual attractions ! I've experienced that since I was young - in either a religious or social sense. You're young enough to benefit from being able to have the confidence to express your sexuality and any help talking about it is something I'm sure you'd benefit from.

 

I know what you mean about the 'incidentals' - i.e. makeup, hair and so on :)

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My feelings too. I'm waiting for you to get those 50 up mate. (Sorry Mods) so i can share a lot of thought with you on this as I'm in a similar situation. Apologies tho as I'm not 55 yet but I'll be 54 in March if that's close enough. There isn't many, or it seems about on Shy's that are over 55. I feel I'm in a void where I'm too old. I've missed my run 15 years ago. I crave the friendship, the kisses and cuddles that's missing in my life so bad at times it just hurts. But then look at my girls and thank the mongol prick of a husband I had as I wouldn't have had them.

 

I sometimes curse the experience I had and wonder Why I was given that as I was living the straight life OK until I fell for her.

I also relate well to younger woman as having my girls late, they have kept me young.

 

My Boss, (who is half my age and is absolutely gorgeous), asked that I should take up extra studies. My answer was NO Too bloody old now. My money goes to my girls as their life is just starting. It's better they get the education rather than me. I get pissed off sometimes as I'm in a small town and meeting someone like me is NEVER. But I wake up of a morning and think, "Fuck ! I'm still here" Oh well I'd better get on with it, the birds are singing, my fridge has food n it, I have NO money but, my bill are paid, what do I have to complain about.

 

I know how you feel about all this and yes, it seems that there's a lack of women of an older age who are on here. My theory on that is that, because of how restrictive upbringings were years ago, women of that generation still harbour the belief that sexuality, or the expression of it, is somehow 'deviant' and would never admit to it now. Of course it could be that a lot wouldn't have a clue where to start to look, even if they were inclined to, and finding a site like Shy would be nigh on impossible.

 

There's always the other angle - the 'people your age aren't sexual' comment .......... that would never apply to me. I've always been sexual and will continue to be, but, having said that, it gets to a point where you think none of your (my) peers are even on the same planet in regard to sexuality, let alone talking openly about it.

 

I know that there must be so many women who have these feelings and yet have nobody to talk to about them, as well as feeling isolated and lonely because of them, especially when they may live in a rural area. All the obstacles seem to mount up - age, distance, local gossip and lack of outlet etc. However, I refuse to give up on the fact that there are others, just like me, and younger, like Terra, who will, one day, realise their needs being met.

 

Nil desperandum I say !! :)

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This is a very good topic. I'm 45, but many of my friends are older than me, and I feel comfortable in this age group. In the same instance, I see it being difficult at 45 to found a connection. From online dating and hookup sites, to simply going out and meeting women bi and curious is super hard. Not sure how to advice, it's hard. It's also very sad.

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This is a very good topic. I'm 45, but many of my friends are older than me, and I feel comfortable in this age group. In the same instance, I see it being difficult at 45 to found a connection. From online dating and hookup sites, to simply going out and meeting women bi and curious is super hard. Not sure how to advice, it's hard. It's also very sad.

 

Hi DIYQueen

 

Many thanks for your post.

 

Yes, it is hard - and sad too, I agree. In many ways, I find myself quite apart from friends in terms of my ability or wish to discuss my sexuality, or sexuality in general. They all seem to be products of an upbringing or generation that suppressed any exploration regarding sex.

 

I suspect though that there are those who actively think about it, or have thought about it but stay quiet through a fear of judgement, or losing friends.

 

Strangely enough, I have never had any issues in relating to younger women, or they to me. An example would be in dealing with models who were posing for fine art nude studio shoots and who sometimes made me think (some of them at least) that they were giving off subtle vibes. I actually found the whole experience liberating but, even then, family and some friends looked upon it all as 'smut', or 'porn', when, in fact, it was art and done both professionally and legally - i.e. legally binding model releases etc.

 

I loved having naked girls around but, at the same time, I was in a situation that denied any ambiguity sexually etc.

 

I like the fact that a few have commented - and thanks for your sensitive response :)

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Ladies, this thread just goes to show we are here. I remember in high school, teachers would tell us not to be afraid to ask questions. That for every one person who asked,10 others would have the same question. That is what I believe happens here. It is also another reason for me getting back to this site. It is hard to swim up stream by yourself.

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I qualify for this group. I get concerned about women who are younger than my children.. just seems.. er.. not right to me. but I do enjoy younger women.. they seem to enjoy me. More comfortable with someone with similar life experience.

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I qualify for this group. I get concerned about women who are younger than my children.. just seems.. er.. not right to me. but I do enjoy younger women.. they seem to enjoy me. More comfortable with someone with similar life experience.

 

Good point Mayabiya :)

 

I know what you mean about younger ...... I think it depends a lot on how mature they are and not just flirts etc. I find I can tell if I click with anyone younger within a short time of meeting and talking to them - I mean that as in a social sense.

 

Having said that, someone who is 'worldly wise' is more in my line too ....... although some of my friends seem to have led very sheltered lives ! Hence my reluctance to say anything about sexuality - I have a feeling I know what the response would be.

 

I have thought, from time to time, 'Do I really need such shallow, 'plastic people as friends ? ' ............ sigh :scared:

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I posted a reply to this earlier but the site crashed and now it seems to have disappeared.

 

Anyhow I am 62 now and would welcome a section for over 55 bi,s facing all the issues above.

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I posted a reply to this earlier but the site crashed and now it seems to have disappeared.

 

Anyhow I am 62 now and would welcome a section for over 55 bi,s facing all the issues above.

 

Great to hear from you :)

 

I agree, an area where people 55+ are able to discuss issues and support each other would be ideal.

I'm only relatively new here (but loving it !) and I'm yet to reach my 50 posts, but I'm sure, judging by this thread, that there's enough of us wanting a place direct ed at women our age. Everything, regarding age related issues, is unique to those who are 55+ after all.

 

Catch you soon I hope.

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On meeting a man my age, something I nearly did last year, how do I broach the subject of my bisexuality? Do I tell him that 26 years ago I had sex with several women? Does it matter now, am I being dishonest not disclosing this, could a 62 year old man even get his head around this idea. As a woman now living alone due to bereavement of primary partner it often feels like a widower in a similar situation would be my best bet were I looking for companionship. Meeting Lesbian women is almost impossible and there is a feeling that I am too old to express my sexuality now anyway. I conclude that I am better off being alone and single but being labelled is getting in the way of my moving on, making new friends and getting over my loss. To grow old gracefully and in peace without all this hassle harassment and bullying would be nice.

 

 

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On meeting a man my age, something I nearly did last year, how do I broach the subject of my bisexuality? Do I tell him that 26 years ago I had sex with several women? Does it matter now, am I being dishonest not disclosing this, could a 62 year old man even get his head around this idea. As a woman now living alone due to bereavement of primary partner it often feels like a widower in a similar situation would be my best bet were I looking for companionship. Meeting Lesbian women is almost impossible and there is a feeling that I am too old to express my sexuality now anyway. I conclude that I am better off being alone and single but being labelled is getting in the way of my moving on, making new friends and getting over my loss. To grow old gracefully and in peace without all this hassle harassment and bullying would be nice.

 

I think that's a very personal decision to be honest. If I were in a similar position I'd look at whether telling any male I met that I was bisexual, or had had relationships with women, was even relevant, especially if it didn't go any way towards making a new friendship easier.

Having said that, personally, I wouldn't feel guilty about having had relationships with women, it'd be my choice to either share that fact or keep it private.

 

Again, and this is just my personal opinion, I don't think age prevents you expressing your sexuality, however, it may take a different form to some degree - by that I mean more companionship and less full on physical sex. It's hard to get past the grief after a bereavement but I think it's a case of thinking what you really want and not what you think is the path most would follow.

 

Having another woman in my life, as a companion, lover and someone who I knew wanted closeness and a tactile relationship, would be the way I would go and, if that didn't eventuate, I'd accept that it wasn't meant to be.

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I think that's a very personal decision to be honest. If I were in a similar position I'd look at whether telling any male I met that I was bisexual, or had had relationships with women, was even relevant, especially if it didn't go any way towards making a new friendship easier.

Having said that, personally, I wouldn't feel guilty about having had relationships with women, it'd be my choice to either share that fact or keep it private.

 

Again, and this is just my personal opinion, I don't think age prevents you expressing your sexuality, however, it may take a different form to some degree - by that I mean more companionship and less full on physical sex. It's hard to get past the grief after a bereavement but I think it's a case of thinking what you really want and not what you think is the path most would follow.

 

Having another woman in my life, as a companion, lover and someone who I knew wanted closeness and a tactile relationship, would be the way I would go and, if that didn't eventuate, I'd accept that it wasn't meant to be.

 

Ya, Im in one heck of a quandary as to where to go next. I would prefer to keep my past my business but unfortunately have been 'outed' by gossips and bully's. What a big deal they make of it too. So I am bisexual and the fact that you (my neighbours) have never heard of it nor understand it is not my problem. Get over it and leave me alone. Unlikely...(sigh)

 

 

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I think some are putting the cart before the horse on this thread. My sexuality is just part of me so I think it important to keep all the other 'bits' alive and have a life, trying not to concentrate on one aspect of my whole.

 

It is really quite remarkable how many women I meet whilst I am out having a life. In some ways maybe it is easier for me because, being trans, women tend to just expect my sexuality not to be "traditional" (whatever traditional is supposed to be, because gay and bi have been with us since we were apes) and they chat to me about all sorts.

 

If you present as a happy, open, kind of woman, with lots of different things going on, it makes for greater opportunities for connection with others. So, my aviation interest provides me with a very different set of folks thanm say, my musical interests. My scientific interests open me to another set of folk, my work yet another lot. In essence what I am saying is try not to concentrate too much on your sexuality and having a partner. Make yourself interesting and attractive on several levels and women just come out from all over the place to you.

 

Regarding sex? I don't stress it. If it happens it happens, if not, then I am not bothered. I do enjoy the companionship and company aspects of relationships far more than sex and, because I am not looking for sex, I get along with men on a good level too now. I make it clear I am gay but I have some really good male friends a spend a great deal of time around.

 

In short I feel quite complete because I feed all of me and not just little bits of my whole self.

 

Age is not what it was. Life needs living, and we are a long time dead, so don't forget to have a life whilst sorting the other things out :)

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I think some are putting the cart before the horse on this thread. My sexuality is just part of me so I think it important to keep all the other 'bits' alive and have a life, trying not to concentrate on one aspect of my whole.

 

It is really quite remarkable how many women I meet whilst I am out having a life. In some ways maybe it is easier for me because, being trans, women tend to just expect my sexuality not to be "traditional" (whatever traditional is supposed to be, because gay and bi have been with us since we were apes) and they chat to me about all sorts.

 

If you present as a happy, open, kind of woman, with lots of different things going on, it makes for greater opportunities for connection with others. So, my aviation interest provides me with a very different set of folks thanm say, my musical interests. My scientific interests open me to another set of folk, my work yet another lot. In essence what I am saying is try not to concentrate too much on your sexuality and having a partner. Make yourself interesting and attractive on several levels and women just come out from all over the place to you.

 

Regarding sex? I don't stress it. If it happens it happens, if not, then I am not bothered. I do enjoy the companionship and company aspects of relationships far more than sex and, because I am not looking for sex, I get along with men on a good level too now. I make it clear I am gay but I have some really good male friends a spend a great deal of time around.

 

In short I feel quite complete because I feed all of me and not just little bits of my whole self.

 

Age is not what it was. Life needs living, and we are a long time dead, so don't forget to have a life whilst sorting the other things out :)

Great reply Lilac. :) Since New Year, I've been concentrating on my health. Losing a few Kgs, toning up a bit and trying to increase bone density. Thus making me more confident and happy in myself. Confidence does attract people. Life is too short.

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I really loved Lilac's reply here. This is more my struggle in the fact that I want a partner/close friend/lover, more than anything. The more I want it, the more I can't have it. I get Lilac's ideas on Music and interests. It is definitely a way to get out there and make a life. I love guitar and can manage a bit by ear only. Getting lessons in a small town is hard and money is always in short supply for me with 1 girl at UNI and 1 just finished, looking for a job as she has to take a gap year. Living in a small town, there are a lack of interests. No nightclubs, No LBGT of any kind. Unless one fits what is going on, well your out. There's sports, like football (NRL), etc, but not my thing.

I'm in 2 parts, I feel. One part of me wants that connection with a woman, someone who would be my friend. my lover, someone I can depend on and vice versa. I am a happy person. open and easy going and mix easily with younger, older, men or woman. Because I can't get this part of me fulfilled, it leaves me depressed and alone in my head. Here I can vent which helps and has been great for me. The other part, I feel should just be suppressed and locked away in Davie Jones Locker somewhere as It won't happen and get on with my life. I have a lot of living yet. Forget this side of me as it's only dragging me down, spoiling the good part of me. Age does come into it but no necessary over 55. I've felt like this since I was 35.

I'm single and can only imagine how the married ladies feel here. How do others cope with it all.? Mind and heart constantly in turmoil. Motivation is my downfall. To keep my spirits up is a work always in progress. But Lilac has nailed it really, get a life and let it all come itself. Don't force it but don't fight it either. If it's meant to be, then I guess it will.

Edited by Vampire
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I really loved Lilac's reply here. This is more my struggle in the fact that I want a partner/close friend/lover, more than anything. The more I want it, the more I can't have it. I get Lilac's ideas on Music and interests. It is definitely a way to get out there and make a life. I love guitar and can manage a bit by ear only. Getting lessons in a small town is hard and money is always in short supply for me with 1 girl at UNI and 1 just finished, looking for a job as she has to take a gap year. Living in a small town, there are a lack of interests. No nightclubs, No LBGT of any kind.

 

 

You don't need to pay for lessons and LGBT scene can be very hard on bi women :(

 

Youtube has all you need if you want to learn guitar, from tuning to chords to playing whole songs. No need to pay!

 

Once you know other musos and you get to open mic niggts or folk clubs etc the world opens. Playing gospel too if you like church. Just be yourself. What we are meantvto have will come along :)

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Ladies, this thread just goes to show we are here. I remember in high school, teachers would tell us not to be afraid to ask questions. That for every one person who asked,10 others would have the same question. That is what I believe happens here. It is also another reason for me getting back to this site. It is hard to swim up stream by yourself.

 

I love your statement about it's hard to swim up stream by yourself. Indeed it is, and this site is wonderful for this. I love the support and respect shown here.

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I really loved Lilac's reply here. This is more my struggle in the fact that I want a partner/close friend/lover, more than anything. The more I want it, the more I can't have it. I get Lilac's ideas on Music and interests. It is definitely a way to get out there and make a life. I love guitar and can manage a bit by ear only. Getting lessons in a small town is hard and money is always in short supply for me with 1 girl at UNI and 1 just finished, looking for a job as she has to take a gap year. Living in a small town, there are a lack of interests. No nightclubs, No LBGT of any kind. Unless one fits what is going on, well your out. There's sports, like football (NRL), etc, but not my thing.

I'm in 2 parts, I feel. One part of me wants that connection with a woman, someone who would be my friend. my lover, someone I can depend on and vice versa. I am a happy person. open and easy going and mix easily with younger, older, men or woman. Because I can't get this part of me fulfilled, it leaves me depressed and alone in my head. Here I can vent which helps and has been great for me. The other part, I feel should just be suppressed and locked away in Davie Jones Locker somewhere as It won't happen and get on with my life. I have a lot of living yet. Forget this side of me as it's only dragging me down, spoiling the good part of me. Age does come into it but no necessary over 55. I've felt like this since I was 35.

I'm single and can only imagine how the married ladies feel here. How do others cope with it all.? Mind and heart constantly in turmoil. Motivation is my downfall. To keep my spirits up is a work always in progress. But Lilac has nailed it really, get a life and let it all come itself. Don't force it but don't fight it either. If it's meant to be, then I guess it will.

 

I think it's really a case of accepting your sexuality but not letting it be the centre of your life, as in being preoccupied by it as, if it's unfulfilled, and you allow it to be such a focus, it will only lead to feelings of depression or loneliness. I can only speak for myself in as much as I know I'm bisexual, I'd love another woman in my life but, I accept that that may not happen (but I hope it does) and I have lots of other things to occupy me that allow me to feel fulfilled and not dwell on just my sexuality.

 

Having said all that, I can easily understand your feelings and there are times when I wish I had someone, or I feel, for whatever reason, sexual. I try to balance the feelings I have with other things in my life and so, whilst they're part of it, they're not the focus of it.

 

Not sure if I put that well out I hope it makes some sense :)

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Anyhow I am 62 now and would welcome a section for over 55 bi,s facing all the issues above.

 

 

This is a good point - how can a topic heading (i.e. a main heading) be created ? Who would I need to contact to request one being set up ?

I went to 'Contact us' and it just said I wasn't allowed :(

 

Anyone know ? I think it'd be good to have an over 55 area so that various topics could be raised .

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I am about to turn 44 in a few months and... the pool is so small a cigarette butt couldn't even drown in it...

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Hi ladies not sure if right place to ask but how do you all feel about dating younger women?

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Personally, I like the idea - mainly because I can relate to younger women better than my peers :)

 

Having said that, any age is fine with me !

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