TxCamilla

Dating A Married Woman

14 posts in this topic

I met this amazing woman on Shybi and we both have been talking for a few months. We got a chance to meet each other for the first time on Saturday. We both are married and she has a child. We both have been honest with our husbands and they were ok with us meeting. We are committed to our relationships with our husbands and family.

 

I've had crushes on other women but I have never felt the attraction that I do with her. Our limited time together has made me crave for more. I don't regret my feelings that I have for her. Even though we talk when we can, she is all I think about. I know our husbands are jealous of us and our feelings for each other. Her husband has agreed to let us meet once a month for now. Mine is very understanding and know that I have needs to be with a woman. We understand that we can't be together and will respect each other's husbands boundaries.

 

I want to continue building the relationship that I have with her. I want to see what our future together holds.

 

Has anyone been in a situation like ours? How do you juggle the feelings you have for her and your husband? What do you do when you heart is in two places at once and you struggle to get through each day?

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Firstly I'm so happy for you. It's great you have meet someone and your hubbies are OK with it. I can't comment on it as I'm not in this situation but my heart goes out to you as it must be so hard. I feel your pain here and hope you find a solution. Hopefully a beautiful friendship will come of it. We need that in our lives if nothing else. Wishing you Luck and hopefully some ladies here can shed more light on it. :)

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How wonderful that you found someone that you feel so much attraction for! Your situation is very similar to mine, wit the exception that our husbands do not know. While I do not recommend the fact our situation is hidden from our husbands or keeping secrets in marriage, the one positive effect of keeps our relationship private is my hubby isn't jealous or hurt that I share my affection .My g/f is married and has children, I have none. We are both committed to our marriage and families. I have o other man I would ever want to be with than my hubby, she feels the same way as I do. We met 2-3 times a year, as old college friends.. a girls shopping weekend thing. I do love her and think of her every day, even on occasional intimate moments with my hubby ( for which I feel guilty ). We have both said we could never envision nor would want life without our husbands, but if the worst ever did happen we have both said we could be married to each other. There is longing for her but also love for my hubby, at times it is unbearable, torn between the two people I love the most in this world. I try to deal with my inner conflict by compartmentalizing , placing things her box and hubby's box. I am blessed that she feels as I do and we talk, we share everything, about our families, our work, our husbands, she understands me!

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See post below

Edited by TBD78
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TxCamilla - so excited for you (ok and maybe a little jealous). But I did have it (minus all of the transparency with hubbies) so I can speak from experience. I'll start by saying...it's HARD. When you connect with a woman emotionally/physically it (for me) was all consuming. That relationship brought so much joy to me bc of the fact that I was with someone who got me 100%. There was a constant state of happiness and fulfillment.

 

Juggling feelings is especially tricky in a new relationship bc there is the added excitement, chemistry and energy. What I can say is that I very much down played a lot of my emotions to protect my husband and his feelings I never wanted him jealous or to think I had this powerful emotional connection with another person. It's also hard bc not all men can really relate to how women connect emotionally. For me the down play worked. What I can say though is that when my relationship with the woman ended - hiding my sadness was/is hard and continues to be very painful. Not that you should be thinking about that...just shedding light as someone who just experienced both the highs of and lows of a similar scenario. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

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Thank you ladies for being so helpful. I know that my girlfriend and I appreciate it. It is a new relationship and we will continue to see what our future holds.

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So happy for you:) Wish you nothing but the best and I'll be keeping a look out for updates! The feelings are hard! Trying to figure that part out too...good luck!

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The problem with being married and in anothe relationship is that it is very difficult to love equally. One will eventually win out over another. Love changes as people grow and it is near impossible to love two or more equally. Not that it is not successful for some, but I can guaranteee if those in poly relationships we're completely honest they do feel more for one then another.

I wish I had advice but I have none. When I started this journey I thought I wanted a husband witha GF on the side. Turns out that was my "safe" area. My gateway drug I guess. I found it impossible to handle the thought of two relationships. Good luck.

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I keep going back to this quote: If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second, by Johnny Depp

 

Being poly takes work. I have never seen a successful poly relationship, but it can happen. For me, I didn't have the emotional energy to keep the relationship going, she borderd on the demanding side because her physical intimacy needs where higher than mine. We are friends now and there are no regrets, though it certainly was a learning curve for both of us. She decided she was a lesbian, whereas I knew that my heart belonged to my husband.

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How cool, and yes I have kinda......... My partner and I could not and did not tell our spouses, so it was a little different. It was still difficult though. We cultivated our relationship and made it work. We were smitten as well.......totally consumed with one another. This thing and marriage is so complicated. People are different, and they get married to one person............not two or three (for the most part). If you are totally consumed now, just wait until you start having sex and being intimate more frequently. Will screw up our whole life!!!!!!!!!!! At least you two appear to be taking it slow (not by choice), and getting to know one another. Things can get heavy real quick, what happens if it does?

You're playing with fire....................but you only live once. Live before you die. When you stop living, you start dying. Enjoy every moment, every experience, and keep us posted. Most importantly, be safe.

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I'm happy for your happiness! I'm married and we opened our marriage up 5 years ago or so.  It wasn't easy to balance in the beginning and there are still some struggles from time to time.  Open communication is key. Also remember that this is new and exciting for you,  I'm sure you have heard of NRE. In time and once you figure more out about relationship dynamics, the balance should get easier. My gf is divorced so we only have 1 husbands thoughts and feelings to be mindful of, so maybe that makes it easier,  I'm not sure. I hope things work out for you. There will be ups and downs,  but if you are willing to put the work into it,  it can be a beautiful thing!

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updates? Im curious to see how all this is working out for all involved. If nothing else, at least this will be a learning experience. Slow is good.

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I just started semi dating a married guy, so I can share advice in approaching this situation that can apply. We are in different life stages. He has twin toddlers that are very young, take up a lot of time. I'm not married. Here it is very common to have this open relationship situation, so he said that his wife feels they both need freedom. I guess having twin babies is just a lot, intense. He and I have common interests also, so we actually have a basis of friendship and have fun together. After the second date, he said there is a difference between what he wants to happen - be able to have more free time to see me more regularly - versus his reality which is being there to put the kids to bed early most nights, weekends frequently being active with them etc. No harm no foul. It's important for him to have that role.

But it is very clear there is no room for emotional attachment. I talked to another married man who is in an open married for perspective. I said "I should probably not look at this situation for deep emotional attachment" and the guy friend said that for the man, time with me is an escape. So I can't put any kind of burden or expectation on him that I would normally in a dating situation. His life is full of demands. Demands of tyrant twin babies that never let him rest or have free time. So honestly, I probably won't stay in it very long. He is nice company when I do see him, but I am not used to dating someone with so many demands. So I will look for someone who is just more available, all the way around.

I think it applies equally to married women, however, also. Maybe your relationship is just an escape. Navigating open relationships are their own category, and just because people are in open marriages and exploring adventures on the side doesn't mean there is any room, availability, or expectation of anything deeper.

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Update:

My Shy and I have been dating for 6 months now. Everyday my love for her continues to grow. With the LDR it has limited our chance to really date. We talk on the phone during the week day and chat when she is available on the weekends. We have been learning a lot about each other through those daily conversations.

I go see her once an month and get a chance to spend Saturday with her. That day with her is amazing. I feel so free, so alive, I am allowed for that one day to let my self come out of my chains and really be my true self.  She doesn't realize what an beautiful person she is inside and out. I am luck to be able to consider her my friend, partner and lover. I get to see her again on the 24th. I can't wait to see her beautiful face. She is my beautiful Angel.

 

 

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