anonymous94

How To Make Friends As An Adult?

8 posts in this topic

I know you're not supposed to say that you are lonely..but I am. I feel like I'm becoming less of a human. Nothing matters without friends. Not pride certainly. I don't know what to do

 

Maybe I should mention that I am depressed and look too crap to be in public.. My life is a mess

I'm on these hormons that just makes me want to hug people and be super emotional. I cry without tears. When I watch movies.

Edited by anonymous94
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It's definitely difficult as we get older to maintain friendships or make new ones. I'm in a similar situation actually, I have maybe 3 people I consider my real friends outside of that I don't have much and I'd like to meet more also, but I really don't know how to either. Putting yourself out there is a good place to start and this seems a good place to do that :)

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It's not easy when you feel depressed. Some people have to take meds to regulate the chemicals in their bodies to balance them out. As far as the emotional stuff that's understandable and hormones will do that to you.

 

There's an old saying that says, "In order to make friends one must show themselves to be friendly." The best way to get out of depression is to find some things to do that will get you busy and get your mind off of your current situation. Maybe start going for walks, or find something you like to do. I like to do puzzles or go for a nice bike ride sometimes or I go shoot pool. Sometimes you have to refocus your mind and do something that will make you feel good.

 

As far as finding people to hang out with, I don't know what you like to do but there are places where you can meet people, like libraries or grocery stores. I have only a few very close friends and the rest are acquaintances. It does take time to develop close friendships but you have to know where to look or how to see it when it happens.

 

This is a great place to meet people to talk to as well about your feelings and read about things that may interest you or things you might have questions about. Stick around you'll find it's a very friendly and safe place.

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I have the same problem and it's a vicious circle, the more you try and fail the worse you feel and personally I end up exhausted and reluctant to try again. I find I need time out in between to recharge my batteries and think of new ways to get out there. It doesn't help my case that I have unwittingly become the victim of a hate campaign. Haviing a pet helps, it is a connection, a source of communication and they are loyal and consistent unlike a lot of humans.

 

Things that have helped me at least to try, are courses like social skills and assertiveness training. Some of us just don't naturally have these skills and need to learn them. They are fun and interesting to attend and there is always the chance you will click with others there. To be able to admit to yourself that you struggle with this aspect of life is the first step. When you then look further into it and ask for help you will find you are not alone and that others feel like this as well.

 

 

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I think we have become a society that feels much "safer" online. We end up with "friends" that live inside our phones and computers. I see people sitting with friends watching and looking at videos and pictures of what other people are doing, that we get so caught up in others that we forget to live.

 

When I was younger and at home with my kids, I got so caught up in my online life and friends that o forgot that I needed to live a real life. I have also seen it happen in my kids. Rather then living life they are watching others videos of what they are doing. My daughter will try and do chores while watching videos of her favorite you tubers. I see people in restrusants all "together" looking at Facebook and Instagram and not interacting with the people they are with.

 

Depression is an awful thing and while the Internet and virtual world can open us to support groups like these, it can also keep us from forming actually relationships with people and can add to depression.

 

I can remember thinking how I wished my online friends were my friends in real life because all my real life friends sucked, but the reality was that they were good online friends because we were online and neither of us had to make any effort to leave our house to communicate or spend time chatting.

 

My suggestion to you is find something you love and find a group of people with similar interest. Force yourself out of the house. When I was depressed I always felt better once I got out, but getting out of the house was the challenge. Once you make yourself leave and find people with similar interest you will feel better. Maybe find a group for a hobby you have shown interest in but never tried. Maybe find a group of people that makes baby clothes for sick babies, or go volunteer at a homeless shelter. Once you find a way to turn your depression and lack of friends into something else you will find friendship and happiness again. Do not give up!

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I'm sorry Anonymous, I suffer from depression also and understand how debilitating it can be. I've had times I couldn't make myself get out of bed. That said I think you opening up and talking about it is amazing. I know it helped me and I found I wasn't alone a lot of other people had the same feelings I was going thru. I am lucky in that once I finally admitted to it, I found out part of mine is hormonal and can be helped with medication. I know that's not the case for everyone. Please know I do not pretend to know what causes yours, but I do hope you are able to find what you need to help ease the feelings.

 

As for making friends as an adult, I have them same question.

 

Since the above, my family moved and since it seems all my friends are "mom" friends as in the mothers of my child's friends. They are are wonderfully sweet women, and we get along just fine on play dates. They are the people I ask for advice on kids. But that's the boundary. All of our conversations are about kids, we only do things with our kids....

 

Don't get me wrong I adore these ladies, but these are not people I share my innermost thoughts with or confide in. Also, I'm not sure if we'd still be friends if the kids stopped wanting to see each other. I suffer from anxiety so I'm not sure how much of that belief is real or just me? All I know is somehow I'm lonely even with company.

 

So my question is how do you go about finding friendship not tied to the kids when so much of life has to be about the kids?

 

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I don't know if this will help because I have never suffered from depression... but martial arts really opened up a new world to me. I started about a year and a half ago... and the camaraderie is amazing. I have made a few really really great friends, and the challenge to myself mentally and physically has been such a source of growth. A good dojo fosters a sense of family in its members... and leaves you feeling stronger, more confident, and really close to the people with whom you train. I wish i had done it years ago.

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I feel for you all, and am in the same situation. I've been feeling really down recently that I have no close friends. You see films and women always have close girlfriends, who talk about stuff and support each other. Last time I had a close friend like that was 9 years ago before my best friend passed away and I still miss her so much. 

Occasionally I try to 'put myself out there' but I just don't seem to meet any women I really gel with. I try, but noone seems genuinely interested in me and as I'm quite private I struggle to open up, and we both just give up. It does get me down often. Sometimes you just want to feel connected and understood. 

Sorry, that's no help to anyone, but it feels positive to put into words why I feel lonely. 

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