Becky

Husband Has Asked For Threesome/foursome..

22 posts in this topic

I'm new here, hello!

 

So very recently my husband has asked if I would be interested in a three/foursome. He doesn't know I'm.. well whatever I am, but we have talked about fantasies where a woman is involved.

I'm looking for views/advice on threesomes, has anyone done this and it has ruined a relationship?

I'm very interested in theory, but I have a lot of concerns

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Well what are you concerns? Why don't you start by telling him you're interested and that you've always been attracted to women.

 

It's not easy to navigate and I'm not married but I've had group sex with partners involved. If can be a little more specific about your concerns I can give better advice or try anyway.. :lol:

Edited by Hungry
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If that is something you're interested in then start with just talking about it. Talk out any boundaries, expectations, etc. If it comes to the point of actually doing it, make sure you have a good idea about who these other people are. It's best to know what you're in for than to be blindsided by bs that can pop up during/afterwards. Done it once with my hubs and well, imo, it just sucks.

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Thanks for the replies.

I'm concerned by lots of things, what if the other people are disappointed, what if my husband falls for one of the participants, what if I like being with a girl so much that it ruins my relationship...for starters =)

 

I wouldn't go with a girl without my husband knowing, so what if this is the only way I can, it's better than not at all.

Why didn't you like it Katy?

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There are always risks, but there are risks if you don't, too.

 

There is a lot to consider, including the fact that this other woman/couple would have her/their own needs, boundaries and desires. Stay communicative with them, meet a couple of times before to suss out what everyone's expectations and hopes are, to help gauge chemistry, etc.

 

Rarely does something casual like that ruin a relationship all on its own. If the relationship was shaky to begin with, or things go beyond what was previously discussed, that's when problems crop up. Staying open with your communication (you'll find this requires being more open than ever) will help prevent this, but it takes everyone being open and honest, and having the same priorities.

 

There's no way to know if you will find that you prefer being with women other than taking that leap.

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Well "there are always risks, but there are risks if you don't, too" I never thought of it like that, thank you. You're right about it not being able to ruin a relationship on it's own, thankfully I have a very strong relationship, I tend to just think of every single little thing that could go wrong, maybe I should focus on what could go right!

I'll take your advice about communication, I'm thankful for it, and thank goodness for this site =)

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I have similar concerns. I want to be the 3rd person in a threesome but I don't want to harm a marriage.

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Well ladies ... I ain't sharing!!! It's not that I don't want to share my man in a threesome ... I don't want to share my woman when I find her!  Nope! As many years as I have been seeking "the one", when I meet her I want her all to myself. :D

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I'd say be cautious.  Why?  Well apart from the typical things like STD, I'm talking about unconscious/subconscious desires.  You could be opening up wounds that you never knew existed.  It doesn’t matter if your partner falls in love with someone else because just as you can’t change another person, you can’t control them either.  If a person is going to cheat, it doesn’t matter how perfect you are (as a partner).

Everything you do has a consequence.  It's not for me, but if it's for you, then make sure you communicate this.  Even your fears before you enter into any agreement.  And if you have the slightest inkling that it doesn’t feel right, then listen to that feeling.

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Ok been there done that type of thaing when i was a lot younger.

1st thaing is be open and honest with your hubby on what your feeling.

2nd you need to find a girlfriend who is bi or lesbian and become friends with therm 1st b-4 you sleep with them

3rd and only when your comfortable may be introduce the idea with the other 2 and see if it would be a possibility.

Now when we got to step 3 we was all drinking playing games and it took the edge off the whole situation.

It was a little weird the next day but once the newness wares off and you 3 all become good with it can be a fun enjoyable time

 with 3 or 2 people. Theirs a lot a sinarios that can go with this but again it's something you gotta talk to your hubby and other person involved as well.

Good luck

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Thanks for the advice! There are more concerns than I had originally considered, which is exactly what I wanted from this post... well, not more concerns obviously but want to make sure I consider everything. I have a lot to think about for sure! 

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There's also a lot more to actually bringing another person into your relationship married or not. I think a lot of people think, ah we can just go online get to know a few folks and whoever we click with best - we'll be all set!

In truth, once you've found someone it becomes a lot more real, especially for your partner and suddenly you're thrown in the deep end, with a load of emotions you're not used to having be it for the person involved, insecurity, jealousy, fear, vulnerabilty and those are just for starters.

I'm not saying that to scare or deter you from trying, opening up a relationship can be a fulfilling and beautiful thing for all involved, but don't go into it blind and definitely don't fool yourself into thinking it'll all magically fall into place, like any new relationship it takes time and effort and when you've got more than one persons feelings and opinions to consider it can at times seem like you're a world away from the fun and openness you imagined at first. 

I've had good and not so good experiences, the not so good were mostly because they were rushed or one person wasn't really as into it as they thought they would be. 

Take your time!

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Thanks very much Hungry, i certainly haven't thought it through at all yet! I'll definitely take my time. I appreciate your advice. 

A little bit off the original topic, not sure I need to start a new thread though, I told my husband yesterday that I thought I was bisexual, we had a very long conversation and he was really cool about everything. I was happy how it went, but today I feel really weird and wish I hadn't! Not sure really how to explain the feeling so I don't suppose anyone can help with that! =) 

Maybe I need to stop thinking about it for a while

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You could make a new topic but it's actually easier for a lot of members to follow your journey and discussion in one thread. 

It's totally not weird that you feel that way. It takes a lot to open yourself up to someone and once they know, they know. You haven't said anything more yet you feel vulnerable and oddly exposed and feel the need to say something more, to make it feel less awkward. But there's really nothing more to say at this point :P If I'm close, it's cos I've felt like that more than a few times!

Just let it be for awhile, give yourself time to get used to the shift and openness in your relationship - while it's all new and a bit weird, it's great that he was receptive and supportive, try to focus on that.

Edited by Hungry
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Well I couldn't explain how I was feeling but I think you just did! That is pretty much spot on. I feel like I've opened Pandora's box. I'll take your advice (again) and just let it be. I should have got more used to the idea myself first I think, but I guess guess the weirdness passes eventually? 

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You don't know what you don't know, right?  Don't beat yourself up for that.  You will never truly know until you have experienced it.  No one can give you answers but we can give you support.  Follow your heart and intutition.

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I say take your time and be thoughtful, truthful and transparent regarding all of your feelings and concerns. How would you feel if your hubby is enjoying screwing another woman more than he appears to enjoy being with you? What if he spends too much time with one of the women...........will you storm out? Is it going to be all about him and not about you? What if you are so inexperienced, you are unable to give pleasure in the same manner you received pleasuring? Will you be pissed? What are the sexes of the parties desired for the threesome/foursome? Are they going to be random strangers or will you recruit friends? What happens if your husband is jealous because you have found the honey honey more appealing than is pipe? What can he do and not do? What is ok for you to do and not to do? Must you be present for all activities or can activities take place without you being always present? So many things...........so many people to be concerned about? How are you going to treat the third and fourth persons? Most importantly, are you being real about your feelings?

Having a fantasy is one thing..............but when it gets real and things like people feelings, emotions, and just good old general etiquette are involved it gets complicated quickly. Although I have never had the experience, it is a desire of mines, My partner and I have discussed and discovered we are not on the same page and have different feelings about being with different sexes, which led me to believe it wasn't the right time (if ever) to embark on that journey. I love my partner, and I have heard the nightmares of threesomes gone wrong. I am not interested in that in the least. Read about the pros and cons and prior to barking up that tree. Research is key to making wise decisions. Best wishes.

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On 4/30/2017 at 3:17 PM, Becky said:

Thanks very much Hungry, i certainly haven't thought it through at all yet! I'll definitely take my time. I appreciate your advice. 

A little bit off the original topic, not sure I need to start a new thread though, I told my husband yesterday that I thought I was bisexual, we had a very long conversation and he was really cool about everything. I was happy how it went, but today I feel really weird and wish I hadn't! Not sure really how to explain the feeling so I don't suppose anyone can help with that! =) 

Maybe I need to stop thinking about it for a while

Yeah, I can totally relate.  When I started coming out to people as bi, I was at once very happy to receive the support that I did but at the same time felt suddenly naked before them.  It's scary to share a vulnerable part of yourself with others, especially when it's such a precious thing to you.

Then coming out as poly was a whole different can of worms.  A lot of people don't know how to react and act kinda weird, so I get the feeling they're thinking about it a lot.   Maybe you can relate, but I feel like the discomfort from me comes from simply not wanting people to focus on my sexuality.  Yes, I'd like it to be accepted and acknowledged, but soon after that, I'd like it to be unimportant.  I feel like bisexuality gets fetishized a lot, and it just makes me feel uncomfortable.  Think there's any of that going on for you?

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Hi there...been there..and just did this a few days ago with my boyfriend. We had talked very openly about a threesome..his desires, my desires and boundaries. We hooked up with a female friend of his who was married to a friend of his ( a man) but has since divorced and the girl (the one we slept with), is now in a relationship with a woman.

I too was concerned about it hurting our relationship. It DID NOT..it made it stronger..and the sex between the two of us even better than it had been. After we had our threesome, my bf and i had a great conversation about what took place. He was very turned on about how into the girl I was . I did find myself a bit jealous when they were kissing..although this was also a turn on. The jealousy confused me, but i put it behind me and continued to enjoy our evening. After it was done, I did tell my bf about that. He was very reassuring that he was attracted and turned on seeing me with her, but not attracted to her. Yes, he had sex with her , and watching that, for me, was a huge turn on. I know that isn't for everyone, but I would say set boundaries and talk about what if's.

 

I hope this helps. If you have questions or concerns you can message me. All in all it was a great experience. Neither one of us want to sleep with that girl again..nothing against her, she was just not our type for a long term threesome commitment.. We are, however, looking for another girl to help fulfill our fantasy. :-)

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I just recently came out as bi-curious to my husband and he was very supportive of me. I fjnd that to be amazing. I have always found women attractive and i have been turned on by womens personalities and looks. I want to act on it but im scared. He wants to watch but idk if im down for that. I dnt want to make him uncomfortable so i choose to try not to act on it because i will feel more comfortable in a one on one situation with another woman. I find myself thinking about women often but i try to push those feelings to the side like i been doing for years. I sometimes wish i atleast had a girlfriend before getting married but i was afraid of what my family would think of me.

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There is so much I can say on this subject but I just want to caution you on actually going through with it, even if he says he is good with sharing you!  Because once you open the door there is no going back.  That is a door that is hard to close!  Especially if it's something you enjoy, being with a woman.  We are four years in and our marriage has slowly been deteriorating.  We had such a strong bond, married for over 20 years I didn't think anything could wedge between us.  I have been now struggling with my sexuality.  Good luck with whatever u decide to do. 

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On 4/26/2017 at 2:15 AM, luv2camp86 said:

I have similar concerns. I want to be the 3rd person in a threesome but I don't want to harm a marriage.

So where would you go/what would you do if you were trying to find that couple?? We (my husband and I) are looking to add an additional woman so that I can explore my bicuriosity! And I have NO IDEA where I would even start?? 

 

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