25 posts in this topic

We've all been there, I know.  I started talking with yet another "woman" last night that I suspected wasn't who "she" said she was.  Seems like there's a new trend of using pics of active duty military women and creating a profile with that.  

This person doesn't know I am a veteran, and am quite familiar with the military.  Their story didn't add up at all.  When I asked what rank she was, she said 2nd lieutenant (the lowest ranking officer, O-1).  When I asked how long she'd been in (testing), she said 11 years.  I asked if she was prior enlisted, and she didn't even know what that was!  ANYONE actually in the military would know exactly what that means.  Then she "corrected" herself, saying she was actually a lieutenant colonel (O-5).  I was like, hm, it seems weird that you would mix the two up, especially given how far apart they are in paygrade.  Then a quick Google search, and sure enough, nothing matches up.  Every time I end up talking to someone, then do a Google search, Google Image Search, anything, always a fake.  So tired of it.

Before this, it was someone stealing pics from someone who does porn.

Dating is a frustrating enough endeavor, let alone with this BS.  I hate having to Google and suspect everyone, but clearly it's warranted.

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I'm sorry, hopefully you the next lady you chat with is a genuine real person. I love the convienence of the Internet for things, but it's getting to the point I feel I have to second guess everything on it. 

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I google everyone within the first few minutes if possible. I've had people tell me that I'm paranoid but the times I've googled with a hunch, always right. I've only had it twice but I basically messaged them with like I know it's not you.. then continously pressed video call til they broke. 

 Can we just stop and say how dumb and messed up it is to talk to a veteran about the military when clearly they knew not enough to talk about it. You wanna fake being a porn star fine,but don't fake being an active service member, it's actually f***ing disrespectful. 

Sorry, people are assholes and flaky. Honestly it worries me how much people want or think they can hide online, it's not a substitute for being a human being with a personality. Unfortunately it's part and parcel the quicker you get the vetting out the way, the quicker it is to narrow the pool down to people that might want to actually show up in person and genuinely want to get to know others. 

You're a smart woman, stick at it and you'll get there as cliche as that is!

 

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3 minutes ago, Hungry said:

I google everyone within the first few minutes if possible. I've had people tell me that I'm paranoid but the times I've googled with a hunch, always right. I've only had it twice but I basically messaged them with like I know it's not you.. then continously pressed video call til they broke. 

 Can we just stop and say how dumb and messed up it is to talk to a veteran about the military when clearly they knew not enough to talk about it. You wanna fake being a porn star fine,but don't fake being an active service member, it's actually f***ing disrespectful. 

Sorry, people are assholes and flaky. Honestly it worries me how much people want or think they can hide online, it's not a substitute for being a human being with a personality. Unfortunately it's part and parcel the quicker you get the vetting out the way, the quicker it is to narrow the pool down to people that might want to actually show up in person and genuinely want to get to know others. 

You're a smart woman, stick at it and you'll get there as cliche as that is!

 

I'm learning to Google sooner than later, for sure.  I didn't have a chance sooner because I was at work, but it didn't take long once I got home.  I've always been right when I've had a hunch, too.  People who are who they say they are have no qualms about meeting, chatting on the phone, whatever.  They're probably as fed up with the fakes as we are.

I never let on that I was ever in the military (I stopped doing that as soon as I started seeing this trend).  I just asked questions and used verbiage military people would obviously know.

I just reported and blocked this person (actually reported them while we were chatting because I was so sure).  I'm not even dealing with trying to call them out.  Not wasting my time.

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ah, dating is not easy, isn't it? not only dating but the whole pre-dating gets harder and harder nowadays, I think. 

it is difficult to meet a woman and with the number of flakes and fakes it starts to seem like mission impossible

I can't always identify when a woman is fake, probably because I mostly get talked up by men, with them it's easy to see when they are fake (like polished up photos or photos of actors, lol). on the other hand, a person's photos can be real but they can be still dishonest (thinking of my last relationship right now :( I shouldn't)

I hope you will meet an authentic person @BiTriMama Wish it to all those who are looking :)

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I'm sorry that you are dealing with this! Why do people feel the need to lie? Are their lives that boring,  that they feel the need to take on another persona? Hang in there,  one of these times you will get the real deal.  Until then..... unfortunately you have to play detective without the badge. 

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@CuriouslyMarriedWoman wow, I'm so sorry to hear that!   Major betrayal for sure.  I hope things have improved between you two.

I can believe that many are scammers, especially women's profiles.  It's just sad some people have nothing better to do than that.

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1 hour ago, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

It's been a hard year, but our relationship is slowly improving.  The fakes are usually about money.  In my husband's case, he probably sent about 3 thousand dollars.   Despite ALL advice to dump him, and dump him fast, I stayed with him.  Still love him.  And it's a darn good thing he's got a great tongue :;).

I commend you for sticking with your husband and trying to work it out. I've heard that it happens but I often wonder if that many people really fall for it, maybe more than I thought.

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Touch wood never had a fake - 

they have all been great.. be it relationships didn't work out !! 

Don't get to pessimistic there is a lot of decent girls out there 

me for one lol :) 

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Your second sentence gave it all away, and made me smile :)

You followed your instincts.  People will come and go.  Sorry you are meeting these kinds of people.  You get them on FB too.  Have given up counting how many people send friend requests when there is nothing to see on their profile other than the fact they signed up that day!  So I just ignore them.  No point in letting it get to me.  I've had porn stars send requests as well as good looking dudes.  Hey!  They must know I'm bi ;)

Hang in there BTM, all will work out in the end.

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Oh yes those "porn stars" have been coming at me pretty hard lately lol. "Military" not so much but wow so disrespectful! @BiTriMama keep ya head up, there's obviously a lot of wonderful, chill, real women out there. You gonna find her, positive vibes!

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5 hours ago, CuriosiTee said:

Oh yes those "porn stars" have been coming at me pretty hard lately lol. "Military" not so much but wow so disrespectful! @BiTriMama keep ya head up, there's obviously a lot of wonderful, chill, real women out there. You gonna find her, positive vibes!

I had yet another one this morning!  I nearly chewed this person out before reporting them, but decided to just not deal with it and block them.  It's not like anything I say will give them a moral compass.

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@BiTriMama Lol you already know that's the truth!

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Have run into fake military men profiles... apparently common. Reported it to US Army, and since they were fakes and not actually in the Army, their criminal division has no jurisdiction. But they gave me a long list of common traits an reasons. Guys in Africa pose as US service men for scams. They get people talking and then try to hit them up for money. Don't know about the fake military women, but so you know, it's a thing. One of these guys actually sent me death threats and now I get tons of random FB requests from guys with like two pictures which are clearly downloaded from the web, and I do a google image search with them. Don't even start a conversation.

I think probably most military personnel are not going to lead with a military picture of themselves. like you. My college friend who is an army doc doesn't have pictures of herself in military attire on her FB profile. So it should be an automatic flag I guess.

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On 5/4/2017 at 2:03 PM, BiTriMama said:

We've all been there, I know.  I started talking with yet another "woman" last night that I suspected wasn't who "she" said she was.  Seems like there's a new trend of using pics of active duty military women and creating a profile with that.  

This person doesn't know I am a veteran, and am quite familiar with the military.  Their story didn't add up at all.  When I asked what rank she was, she said 2nd lieutenant (the lowest ranking officer, O-1).  When I asked how long she'd been in (testing), she said 11 years.  I asked if she was prior enlisted, and she didn't even know what that was!  ANYONE actually in the military would know exactly what that means.  Then she "corrected" herself, saying she was actually a lieutenant colonel (O-5).  I was like, hm, it seems weird that you would mix the two up, especially given how far apart they are in paygrade.  Then a quick Google search, and sure enough, nothing matches up.  Every time I end up talking to someone, then do a Google search, Google Image Search, anything, always a fake.  So tired of it.

Before this, it was someone stealing pics from someone who does porn.

Dating is a frustrating enough endeavor, let alone with this BS.  I hate having to Google and suspect everyone, but clearly it's warranted.

@BiTriMama ugh the last thing you need!! So sorry this happened to ypu!! Girl, I can sooo relate to the fakes. It is scary! This is exactly WHY I stopped using dating sites years ago to meet both men and women. I actually had this idiotic man pretend he was a woman and who knows what photos he used (really hope they were not his wife). His very sexual messages and the fact he did not hide the very male name in his email address gave him away. I reported him and had some very stronh, colorful words I emailed back to him ha!

I also chatted with this woman who was a pathological liar. She finally messed up and caught her when she did not crop the website link out of the photo. When I called her out on it, she confessed to lying--lied about her entire life so I told her to &%$# off!

The last few guys I met online (this,was years ago) were big liars. One was married and had a GF on the side and had a child with her (while still married!!!) and the other guy said he was divorced but not quite--found out he,was still living with his wife.

That is just terrible and lame to pose as military. I do not understand why people lie because they will eventually get caught. It is crazy. I have become pretty adept at researching people online and as a freelance writer, I have some inside sources and have done background checks. You can never be too careful!!

PS--thank you for your service. Lots of military and vets in my family.

Edited by Yogagirl34
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On 5/10/2017 at 4:51 PM, elliej said:

Have run into fake military men profiles... apparently common. Reported it to US Army, and since they were fakes and not actually in the Army, their criminal division has no jurisdiction. But they gave me a long list of common traits an reasons. Guys in Africa pose as US service men for scams. They get people talking and then try to hit them up for money. Don't know about the fake military women, but so you know, it's a thing. One of these guys actually sent me death threats and now I get tons of random FB requests from guys with like two pictures which are clearly downloaded from the web, and I do a google image search with them. Don't even start a conversation.

I think probably most military personnel are not going to lead with a military picture of themselves. like you. My college friend who is an army doc doesn't have pictures of herself in military attire on her FB profile. So it should be an automatic flag I guess.

That is scary. I actually have family members who are vets and a sibling who is an officer in the military. That makes me angry they are using military profiles to conduct scams ugh!

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On 5/4/2017 at 3:36 PM, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

I hesitate to say this, because it causes me such pain...    I was deeply effected by this kind of thing in another way.  My husband broke my heart last year by joining a dating site.  He fell hook line and sinker for a "romance scam".  I went through months of hell as he texted and emailed and fell in love with this fantasy woman.  Even sent "her" money.  Lied to me too many times to count.  Planned a whole new life with this person, saw a divorce lawyer, etc.  Took him months to finally see that he was being scammed.   I still feel deep pain, a deep sense of betrayal, and rage when I think about it.  (Most days I can successfully put it out of my mind.)  I will never ever cheat on him or join a dating site because I know what a deep betrayal it would be.

They say some sites are up to 60% scammers and fakes.  Women are most often targeted with "military" personnel scams.

Oh wow, I am so sorry that happened to you and sadly, I know many people, especially senior women, have been scammed on online dating sites. Police departments have sent out warnings about the datimg site scams. Another reason I stopped using dating sites--scammers and liars.

Hang in there, hon!!

Edited by Yogagirl34
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Years ago when my  sister in law was online dating she met and dated another "woman", who she later found out was really a man.  

When I use to go on dating sites I found I was also being hit on by trans women, but luckily nothing I ever pursued.  Nothing against the trans folks but  I believe they should be totally clear what they are and not misrepresent themselves as biological women.  I guess that's another topic up for debate though...

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That's awful! Good thing you caught on to her lies quickly. I can't believe people...too many liars out there!

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On 6/11/2017 at 6:06 PM, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

Thank you @Yogagirl34  I appreciate the support.  It was a very painful part of my life.  I don't know if I can ever trust my husband again - at least not the way I used to trust him.  Don't think he realizes how much he hurt me, and how much he took away from me by destroying trust.  I didn't know he could so easily look me in the face and flat out lie over and over again.  I never thought he would hurt me so much.  Part of me will never completely forgive him.

Sending hugs. While I am not married and not in a relationship right now, I have dealt with lying and dishonesty in relationships and it is very hurtful. I have also ended friendships due to people being deceitful. Hope you can work things out. Have you thought about maybe seeing a marriage counselor? Sometimes an objective third party can be a huge help. 

Edited by Yogagirl34
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I don't understand why people feel it necessary lie about who they are. There must be something slightly wrong with people who do that.. just be yourself!

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I think that is just sick! I will never understand people sometimes in general.....wow so sorry that happened to you!

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I am sorry that happened to you.  I agree with some who have mentioned googling the person, although the best way is to do a picture look up.  Looking up the picture, can show if there are multiple social media pages for the person you are looking up.  I also like to voice verify.  The voice verify usually weeds out the men.  I wish people wouldn't be fake.  It is hard enough to meet people.  I wish you the best with next woman!

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This is interesting.  I don't have a lot of experience with dating sites etc.  the question that pops in my head is why?  Do they intend to keep up the facade when dating?  That seems like it would by hard and to what end?  Maybe because I'm not a good liar, but sheesh.....trying to date under false pretenses seems like it wouldn't get you anywhere.  It just seems silly.  Who has that kind of time?  

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I hate the trickery... I've been totally catfished by someone and it isn't the best feeling. You put yourself out there only for it to be something that was fake. It is hard for me to trust people because I'm always afraid it might not be all real.

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