elliej

Fingering

40 posts in this topic

Ok. can we talk about this for a second. There are two complaints here which are slightly related - one for men and one for women. Neither who are doing this correctly...

Men sometimes think if they just thrust harder with their hand it will be more effective. No. It's not. It just bruises the outside of my body and leaves me sore there for days after. It's not fun.

Women. Do you really have an excuse? Women who are with me do not know how to use their fingers. You need to be trying this out on yourself so you figure this out ladies.

When you insert your fingers, you need to focus on the front wall inside the vagina. Just sticking fingers in and out doesn't do anything.

Anyone else care to comment?

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I can't stand the hard thrusting thing either.  I also think moistening fingers first is sometimes forgotten.  It should be gentle and seductive.

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Yes ladies both coming with solid facts! Who actually finds finger thrusting / ramming pleasurable...seriously if the "favour" was returned to those men and apparently some shockingly clueless women :O smh lol!

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49 minutes ago, CuriosiTee said:

Yes ladies both coming with solid facts! Who actually finds finger thrusting / ramming pleasurable...seriously if the "favour" was returned to those men and apparently some shockingly clueless women :O smh lol!

I've never had the ramming effect with women. With women, my issue that they don't do anything with their fingers. That they have no idea where to focus the pressure at the front....

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@elliej Oh with the ramming with woman that's not from my personal experience either, I've just heard from others that some can be rough like that. I hear what you're saying though, and ya I guess it has a lot to do with not taking the time to experiment / explore on yourself, You should always work out your own road map first before trying to tackle someone else's lol. 

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I've read somewhere that once your finger is inside move your finger in a come hither motion.  I told my husband this years ago and OMG:clapping: would love to try it out with my future lady love :wub:

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I think you have to be in tune with what your lady wants and how she responds.  Most of my experiences have been with women who liked a gentle touch. But some of them like it rough!  The first time a woman said to me "slam that pussy" I about fell out of bed.  I will say the come hither fingers on the front wall got her to that point though, if that helps.  

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"To know how to suggest is the great art of teaching" Henry Frederic Amiel

"The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery" Mark van Doren

Perhaps ask them qualifying questions before getting physically intimate?  Such as 'can you finger?'  And if not, then maybe you could teach them?  Or use communication to let them know how you like to be touched because... it is literally different strokes for different folks..

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I agree about asking for what you want.  Most women like the front wall pressure, but some haven't had a lover do it to them (and it's not the same on yourself, at least for me) or may not know somehow.  Even better if you can also put suprapubic pressure (just above the pubic hair line) from the outside to meet your fingers!

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I can't handle the fingers trusted in. Men use their finger as it was a penis but it's different. I love fingers, awesome little things we've been blessed with. More on the outside for me tho or just inside. Just massaging and stimulating. Agree tho, good communication is essential. 

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3 hours ago, BiTriMama said:

I agree about asking for what you want.  Most women like the front wall pressure, but some haven't had a lover do it to them (and it's not the same on yourself, at least for me) or may not know somehow.  Even better if you can also put suprapubic pressure (just above the pubic hair line) from the outside to meet your fingers!

I'm glad someone else realizes this. Plus once they've relaxed and particularly if they're fairly small. Forget your fingers and use your thumb. If you've never done that, practice. You'll have better control and be able to get more depth, more fullness and be able to find the g-spot much more easily.

Even if it's unplanned figure something out, some people need lube. There's nothing wrong with being rough or spreading more as long as you've got three things: 

  1.  Positioning 
  2. Control
  3. Rhythm

Also I've no idea why a guy would be fingering you like that to be honest, especially if that's foreplay it's not looking good for the main events :P If you're not enjoying a woman fingering you.. then do something else! I've asked women to stop before.

 

Edited by Hungry
Thought I'd share and add more more words.
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Regardless communication is always key! :) 

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I guess I have only had two situations where I was really clear the woman was responding. (have had very few female sexual partners) my ex gf enjoyed it so much she said it was the first time she was ever even close to a vaginal orgasm. Then a woman recently also didn't seem to be very experienced. I know my oral performance drover her crazy, but there was also a big difference in her reaction to me fingering her and her efforts with me. So sure everyone is different, but there are clearly some techniques which are more successful than others and if women discovered how that worked on themselves first it would at least provide a basis. Yes, usually the answer is we do something else, but when their inexperience goes to oral too... what can you do? How do you communicate to someone who has no starting point as a basis?

Like with my ex bf his external stimulation with his hands sometimes he would be off the mark and I could just guide his fingers (I read an article that had a tip that you can use your first two fingers in a V to steer him to the clit) and then he could be really effective. He was also better with this than orally. It's hard to communicate when there's nothing to guide or steer.

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20 hours ago, elliej said:

Yes, usually the answer is we do something else, but when their inexperience goes to oral too... what can you do? How do you communicate to someone who has no starting point as a basis?

If there's no other guide to go on and you're both new or it's just not working out. Stop doing whatever it is and start exploring their entire body. It might to not necessarily result in orgasms. But everyone has a least a few other areas of their body that upon stimulation they enjoy or become aroused by. Particularly, if you're not extremely experienced it's invaluable to take the time. Especially if you've waited a long time for the experience, why waste it? 

I assume most of us have two hands and a mouth to work with, so put them to use in ways you haven't before and really open yourself up to all that being intimate has to offer. 

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I like different things every time I have sex.

1. Sometimes I hate fingers other times I can't cum without g-spot stimulation.

2. Sometimes I only want g-spot stimulation to cum and I don't want my clit worked much. 

3. Sometimes I want fingers but I want rectal wall, or posterior, stimulation instead of g-spot stimation.

4. Anal stimulation makes me squirt. It seems to Massage the necessary glands by rubbing through the rectal wall but I'm not always in the mood to do this. 

I let my partner do whatever they feel like or I guide them to what I want and if I don't like what is happening I just say, "I don't think I'm in the mood for that today." My husband understands that my cravings change from day to day. I haven't been with one girl long enough for any one girl to understand me in the same way. 

Edited by FlirtyFriend
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On 5/17/2017 at 11:35 PM, Annalise said:

I've read somewhere that once your finger is inside move your finger in a come hither motion.  I told my husband this years ago and OMG:clapping: would love to try it out with my future lady love :wub:

YES  YES YES,   I love when hubby does this  and my h/f has always been very good with her talents too. . 

images.jpeg

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On 5/17/2017 at 10:35 PM, Annalise said:

I've read somewhere that once your finger is inside move your finger in a come hither motion.  I told my husband this years ago and OMG:clapping: would love to try it out with my future lady love :wub:

Yep that's it! I did a lot of reading before my GF and I had sex and that's exactly what I read, works every time :)

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20 hours ago, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

Does everybody have a g-spot?  I hear about it all the time, but I wonder if I have one.  Never found it (not that I've tried to find it that many times.)  Always disappointed that I can't seem to find it.

There are only a small percentage of woman that can have a g spot orgasm.  I can but it's not something I found on my own and it's pretty far back. You can actually get shots to make it more sensitiv and make orgasms stronger.  I have never done it, I saw it on one of those plastic surgery shows. 

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2 hours ago, Confusedin2013 said:

There are only a small percentage of woman that can have a g spot orgasm.  I can but it's not something I found on my own and it's pretty far back. You can actually get shots to make it more sensitiv and make orgasms stronger.  I have never done it, I saw it on one of those plastic surgery shows. 

I'm not sure bout this. it sounds like a myth.

Sure there are women without certain parts of reproductive systems, but they are the exceptions, not the reverse.
1) Everyone can have one.
2) This is the area where you can squirt from.
3) These orgasms are all about trust and emotional openness.
4) You can have many in a row. 10? 15? Totally doable.
5) They are full-body, ecstatic experiences.

http://kimanami.com/g-spot-orgasms-tips-techniques-stimulate/

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14 hours ago, elliej said:

I'm not sure bout this. it sounds like a myth.

Sure there are women without certain parts of reproductive systems, but they are the exceptions, not the reverse.
1) Everyone can have one.
2) This is the area where you can squirt from.
3) These orgasms are all about trust and emotional openness.
4) You can have many in a row. 10? 15? Totally doable.
5) They are full-body, ecstatic experiences.

http://kimanami.com/g-spot-orgasms-tips-techniques-stimulate/

Yes it can happen however there are only a small percentage of women that can actually achieve it for various reasons.

i recently read a study about "squirting" and 50% of women that "squirt" it is actually urine and the other 50% have actually been able to truly achieve this. 

I guess all that learning I did in school means nothing then? 

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14 hours ago, Confusedin2013 said:

Yes it can happen however there are only a small percentage of women that can actually achieve it for various reasons.

i recently read a study about "squirting" and 50% of women that "squirt" it is actually urine and the other 50% have actually been able to truly achieve this. 

I guess all that learning I did in school means nothing then? 

perhaps only a small % of women spend time to learn what they like, learn about their bodies, and learn how to relax in sex.

But that is a lot different than saying "there are only a small percentage who CAN" since if that is the path toward the result, a very high percentage of women CAN actually reach it.

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Well we can go rounds about this but I won't. the studies I have read state that g spot orgasms are only obtainanable by a small amount of women and that a majority of women must have clitoral stimulation through orgasm. Take that as you wish.

Edited by Confusedin2013
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I just think you're overthinking the whole topic. Even if stimulation of clit can help or combine with g-spot stimulation. Fingering well and stimulating the right area is still involved either way. And this topic is about that.

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here's a study that thin vaginal wall is one reason some women don't enjoy pleasure there. Still probably in the minority. Particularly when a lot of people in this thread have plenty of experience. And many women never do because they believe myths that they can't or don't get any instruction how.

http://www.salon.com/2014/09/16/the_truth_about_the_g_spot_why_its_time_to_put_this_sex_myth_to_bed_partner/

 Lets also remember that "science" once denied that women were capable of pleasure from sex. So I am really not sure why this tangent.

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