Lilminxme2017

Is it possible to only fancy one woman and not be attracted to any other ?

19 posts in this topic

I'm confused by what a previous gf said to me the other day - she doesn't class herself as bi or lesbian and isn't attracted to any girl apart from me..and said she never finds any girl attractive at all..!!?? 

To which I replied you must be bi she's adamant she's not.. even though I can tell you now she is (lol) ;) 

The older I get the more interested I am in women (blush)  How do you see yourself ? Do you find the older you get the more you yearn for it ?

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I'd say attration is non-linear and some people don't like labels.  If I had a friend who said the same thing, I would believe her.  She would have the right to define herself based on her beliefs.  Often it is the external world (society/social norms) who place expectations and labels on people and expect them to fit into a stereotypical box. 

Some people are attracted to one person for whatever reason and have no desire to look at others.  I would categorize myself as being one who is not attracted to women (or men) at this point in time even though I have a husband.  Hence attraction not being linear or simple, purely because we are complex beings.

The older I get the less I yearn for another being because I am happy in my own company and enjoy what I do have in my life as well as being grateful for everything in my life.  Gratitude is important in my eyes.  Helps keep me grounded and empathic towards others who have less.

Edited by HeartChakra
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11 hours ago, Lilminxme2017 said:

The older I get the more interested I am in women (blush)  How do you see yourself ? Do you find the older you get the more you yearn for it ?

I've only been attracted to one woman so far. I think it's more her personality I'm attracted to the most, but I do find her beautiful as well. I'm not sure if it's just her that has me more then curious (as in I actually admitted to myself I like her and want her) then I have with other women. I find other women pretty, but none I never wanted to be with. I also think it has to do with me being older and I'm finally getting to the point that I don't give a fuck what people think of me or who/what I like. I need to make myself happy and not others. Which is rough, because I don't have much self-confidence. It is a struggle to find what I like and not what others told me I should like.

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I say everything and anything is possible!I don't like labels and I don't feel the need to label myself,I  am me.

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That depends on how you feel about her and respect her your always going to meet temptation but if your serious about her even if your mad at each other it should make you think of her and want to be with her so I say yes .

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When I was 17 I fell in love with my best friend.  We had been friends for 9 years. We were very close, but not sexual. She didn't have a clue I was into girls and she wasn't.  We would drive around and talk about everything but that. She would hold my hand and cuddle with me and drive me freaking crazy.  We got an apartment together and she would sleep in my room instead of hers. One night I was rubbing her back and I got so bothered I couldn't handle it I got up and went to my room. After a little bit she came in my room and layed down on top of me and said "are we going to do something about this or not".  It was one of the most amazing nights of my life.  We had a very sexual relationship for 4 years.  In that time I learned that she was not bi or lesbian she just fell for me.  She always said that that was the only place left for are friendship to go.  We are still best friends and I still love her but only as a friend.  She's never wanted or considered being with another woman.  Totally into guys.  So yes this can happen. I think sometimes there is a connection you have with people that has nothing to do with their physical self.

Edited by mollyb
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 I think a lot of women can see clearly they've desired women for some time when they've got a bit of hindsight, whether they've acted on those feelings or not. These seem increase, especially if they've only had heterosexual monogamy in recent years. 

Now me, I'm the reverse. I knew I was bi or something fluid and open to all from a young age. I knew it was there. I knew I could of just left it but I chose to explore. There came a point sexually I have gotten my fill. Where romance and emotions were concerned I saw a lot of women move on and leave their exploration behind because they were never bi, gay etc and I recently I thought of doing the same and I had to really think on it for a bit. 

 The ones that were already married and opened up to only one woman, the connection that rocked their world. I get it totally. If I hadn't of met the first woman I was involved with, I might of been able to admit attractiveness without problem but I don't imagine I would of pursued sex with women.

For some people it's chemistry, always flowing through them -  porn, photos, women at the gym, on the street, they love them just for their form alone. For others, it's just a person happened to come into their life and they enjoyed it but they're fine when it passes. 

 If someone makes you feel good and shows you care and kindness, you've no reason to doubt them. Sometimes there's a connection and the boundaries you thought you had in regards to sexuality don't actually exist in anything more than a label. You really desire your friend? Then stop judging her orientation regardless of what it is. It shouldn't matter, it doesn't matter. If she admits she likes you, embrace that and run with it!

I now desire woman in a way that isn't initially sexual or emotional. More a question of am I really interested enough to look specifically for a woman? 

 

Edited by Hungry
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I think the attraction to each gender is very different, and of course, that experience differs from person to person, but if someone is capable of being attracted to one woman, they are capable for being attracted to another woman down the road, even if those attractions are few and far between.

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I think so if you are really infatuated with one female and not so much with other women. I'm speaking from experience. Although, as of recently, I tend to like multiple women at the same time. 

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I am on the fence with this one.  As I try and figure out my own sexuality (or just accept it's fluid),  I can absolutely relate to the topic.   I had my realization later in life (38), married to a man and it was triggered by one woman.   Hit me like a ton of bricks and I was fortunate enough to explore it bc the feelings were mutual.  While our romantic relationship did not work out, I am still left wondering if I will ever feel attracted to another woman again.   I still feel desire from time to time with this particular woman, but do feel it waning bc we can't be together.  

I do not find myself hungry to meet another lady, or actively seeking someone out.  Not sure if It is bc I only had eyes for one woman, if I'm still healing from that experience, if I just don't have the confidence/vibe/courage to meet someone else or if I'm afraid of what impact it will have on my busy life if I find someone new.

 Right now I am of the mindset that if a woman who I connect with comes along I wouldn't reject the notion of exploring it. 

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On 5/22/2017 at 3:27 AM, mollyb said:

When I was 17 I fell in love with my best friend.  We had been friends for 9 years. We were very close, but not sexual. She didn't have a clue I was into girls and she wasn't.  We would drive around and talk about everything but that. She would hold my hand and cuddle with me and drive me freaking crazy.  We got an apartment together and she would sleep in my room instead of hers. One night I was rubbing her back and I got so bothered I couldn't handle it I got up and went to my room. After a little bit she came in my room and layed down on top of me and said "are we going to do something about this or not".  It was one of the most amazing nights of my life.  We had a very sexual relationship for 4 years.  In that time I learned that she was not bi or lesbian she just fell for me.  She always said that that was the only place left for are friendship to go.  We are still best friends and I still love her but only as a friend.  She's never wanted or considered being with another woman.  Totally into guys.  So yes this can happen. I think sometimes there is a connection you have with people that has nothing to do with their physical self.

I have experienced a variation of this...

My best friend in adolescence, who became my girlfriend for four years, beginning at the age of 14, first identified as bisexual, but later said that I was the only female she was ever attracted to, and the only person she ever fell in love with completely (no holds barred)...

Despite the fact that she was the one who instigated our sexual relationship, she had always struggled with the possibility that she might be gay, and with the possibility of disappointing her parents, even though she had three married siblings who all had children...

She and I both had boyfriends as well as each other, so were actively bisexual in high school...but eventually I could no longer handle her hang-ups and the way she was so conflicted all the time, so ended our relationship, just before college...

I was looking forward to a fresh start... However, she decided to attend the same college as me, and then pulled my number in the dormitory room-mate lottery, which was a strange fateful occurrence that convinced her that we were meant to be together. This resulted in unbearable sexual tension, so that one evening, during the dorm Halloween party, we ended up making out in front of everyone when we were dared to do so as part of a game...which resulted in leaving the party and running down the hallway...and...WHAM!!! That led to another two years together...but she still felt conflicted, which drove me totally crazy, so eventually I ended our relationship...again...and we didn't speak to one another for the remaining two years of college...

She got married right after we graduated, and later told me that she didn't love her husband the way that she had loved me, and that she didn't want to love anyone else that way, which I found very confusing and upsetting at the time, because I just couldn't understand how she could allow societal pressure to influence her life to that extent, and because I felt like she was fucking with my head (and heart)... 

Our romantic and sexual feelings for one another never really dissipated completely, so eventually we found it impossible to be friends at all, and fell out of touch...so I don't know if she ever acted on bisexual impulses again..but I sometimes think of her and wonder about that...

 

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It's all a matter of what a person is attracted to. Some may be attracted to women because they love women in general. Some may love a person strictly based on who that person is on the inside;, how they think, how the act and what makes them tick. It doesn't have to be about physical attraction or an overall category of human. There are so many nuances between one person and another that affixing one label of bi, lesbian or anything else is just not accurate, or even necessary. 

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Haha So my best friend was always with guys and somehow she ended up meeting and falling for a girl.. she said that it was a one off situation for her and that she wouldn't date women again... it was nice we could finally relate to each other but it was a different situation for her 

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With anything else in life, we are free to change our "labels" as we see fit. (Religion, hobbies, careers). Why do we hate labeling our sexual preference so much?  I suspect it has more to do with other people's feelings and reactions than our own. 

Also, having sex with another woman is the LEAST heterosexual thing you can possibly do, so why the need to label it something else? 

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43 minutes ago, 63395 said:

With anything else in life, we are free to change our "labels" as we see fit. (Religion, hobbies, careers). Why do we hate labeling our sexual preference so much?  I suspect it has more to do with other people's feelings and reactions than our own. 

Also, having sex with another woman is the LEAST heterosexual thing you can possibly do, so why the need to label it something else? 

I 100% agree. Way too much emphasis gets placed on labels. We like who we like, isn't that all that matters. 

Edited to say... I'm guilty of it too, I've questioned where I fit in, as far as labels go. But at the end of the day, I don't really care, because it makes absolutely no difference to how I feel

Edited by Cute&Curious
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On 5/25/2017 at 5:56 AM, BenedettaC said:

I have experienced a variation of this...

My best friend in adolescence, who became my girlfriend for four years, beginning at the age of 14, first identified as bisexual, but later said that I was the only female she was ever attracted to, and the only person she ever fell in love with completely (no holds barred)...

Despite the fact that she was the one who instigated our sexual relationship, she had always struggled with the possibility that she might be gay, and with the possibility of disappointing her parents, even though she had three married siblings who all had children...

She and I both had boyfriends as well as each other, so were actively bisexual in high school...but eventually I could no longer handle her hang-ups and the way she was so conflicted all the time, so ended our relationship, just before college...

I was looking forward to a fresh start... However, she decided to attend the same college as me, and then pulled my number in the dormitory room-mate lottery, which was a strange fateful occurrence that convinced her that we were meant to be together. This resulted in unbearable sexual tension, so that one evening, during the dorm Halloween party, we ended up making out in front of everyone when we were dared to do so as part of a game...which resulted in leaving the party and running down the hallway...and...WHAM!!! That led to another two years together...but she still felt conflicted, which drove me totally crazy, so eventually I ended our relationship...again...and we didn't speak to one another for the remaining two years of college...

She got married right after we graduated, and later told me that she didn't love her husband the way that she had loved me, and that she didn't want to love anyone else that way, which I found very confusing and upsetting at the time, because I just couldn't understand how she could allow societal pressure to influence her life to that extent, and because I felt like she was fucking with my head (and heart)... 

Our romantic and sexual feelings for one another never really dissipated completely, so eventually we found it impossible to be friends at all, and fell out of touch...so I don't know if she ever acted on bisexual impulses again..but I sometimes think of her and wonder about that...

 

It's really a shame that your girlfriend broke things off due to societal pressure. Sounds like she would have been happier if she'd stayed with you. But it gave you the freedom to explore the intervening experiences that have made you who you are. So for your sake I'm glad things turned out the way they did.

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5 hours ago, ChemFem said:

It's really a shame that your girlfriend broke things off due to societal pressure. Sounds like she would have been happier if she'd stayed with you. But it gave you the freedom to explore the intervening experiences that have made you who you are. So for your sake I'm glad things turned out the way they did.

It was actually me who finally ended the relationship once and for all, because I could no longer cope with her hang-ups, and also because, sadly, I knew I couldn't trust her... 

I do think that we could have been very happy together as adults if only she could have gotten beyond her personal conflict, but that didn't seem possible, and so I really felt I had no choice but to let go of her, so that we could both get on with our lives...

But I do still love her, and always will, and have a feeling that I will see her again one day. 

 

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Absolutely I think. I'm attracted to the person not the gender.  It's About connection with me and we don't connect to everyone.

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