Ev33

Being bi and in a happy marriage with a man

82 posts in this topic

On 6/15/2017 at 1:02 PM, HeartChakra said:

Yes you can have both.

Can you be happy in your marriage and still be attracted to women?  Yes

Can you be happy in your marriage and be physically intimate with women?  It will depend upon the arrangement between partners.  Meaning, all must be on the same page.

Fantasies are dreams, nothing wrong with them.  Bringing fantasy into reality is where you will find not is all as it seems.

Are you able to discuss your desires with your partner?

Well said.

Would I like to have that experience just once in my life?  Yes.  Will it ever happen?  Not unless my husband is fully aware of it, and is ok with it.

I know what it's like to be betrayed by my husband.  It has irreparably harmed a major part of our relationship in ways that can never be totally healed.   I won't do that to my husband.

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On 15/06/2017 at 5:21 PM, Ev33 said:

I am bisexual.. I have always had an attraction to both men and women. I have never been in a relationship with a woman, other than friendship and some crushes.. which left me crushed.

 I am happily married. I met my husband 6 years ago this month. I was open to a deeper type of relationship at the time and looking to settle down. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we are pretty perfect for each other. - We work together as parents and as a couple which is very important to me. 

So, why do I feel like I still want to be with a woman sexually?  - There are times, when it's an overwhelming sensation.. I can't stop thinking about meeting someone in a similar situation and having a sort of "friends with benefits" - "girlfriend" -  I even have a difficult time describing it.

So can you have both? Can you be happy in your marriage and still be attracted to women? Is this what being truly bisexual really feels like?  A tug of war where you find yourself one day looking at a man and thinking "wow.. he is hot." And then another looking at a woman and think "she is so beautiful or sexy." - although 90% of the time I end of having more sexual fantasies when I see a woman than a man. - Perhaps it's because I haven't been sexually with a woman in so long.. 

- sometimes I just feel a bit lost. 

This is exactly how I feel, apart from the fancying guys (apart from my husband) I rarely see guys I fancy but far too many women turn my head. A tug of war is exactly how it feels. 

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On 2017-6-15 at 6:37 PM, Ev33 said:

@Shy girl11 I wish I had a good answer for that. Sometimes I feel like I have a good grasp on my feelings; other times, I question everything.. 

Part of my hesitatation is the feeling of guilt. I don't want to feel like I'm betraying my marriage or husband and I am nervous about asking his opinion on how he would feel if I met a woman and had a "gf"  

That sums up my current situation too. I have a time and place set to sit and talk with him about it. I'm so nervous

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On June 15, 2017 at 0:43 PM, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

Know how you feel.  Some days I think, oh well, never going to happen, get over it.  Other days, I've thought about it all day long.  Doesn't seem to be an answer.  Don't want to destroy my marriage, but deeply curious.

This is exactly how I feel! Some days I think I'm losing my mind. 

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Yes you definitely can have both! Communication is definitely key especially with the many moving parts in most of our circumstances with this: hubby, kids, the gf. In my case the more we chat and share our feelings about this type of lifestyle, the more at peace and confident we feel moving forward within it as we've both just been so open-minded. I know I'm very blessed to have such a supportive hubby!

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My husband and I nearly split a few years ago and everything your saying was apart of the motivation. The reality though is that I'm not giving up 16 years together to chase potential women. I love him to bits and I'm pretty convinced it's a case of the grass always being greener on the other side. let's say you split from your husband and find the woman of your dreams, what's to say you won't be craving a bit of male companionship at that point? Unless your open to poly relationships you may not be able to have your cake and eat it too. 

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I am right there with you. Happily married but SOOOOO wanting to be with a woman. I don't even know if I'd like it but everything in me says I will. 

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It is totally a push pull for me... I am so thankful to have a husband that is accepting of me... i do have that desire to be with a woman and have her be a part of my desires... I do wonder if I'll ever find someone

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I'm right there with you. I love my husband and our life together, he's everything I've ever wanted. But most days I have this overwhelming desire. I'd love to be with a woman, not just sexually but emotionally as well. I just want to find someone similar to me and love and spoil the heck out of her. However, I don't think with a husband and kids that I can ever experience that without jeopardizing everything I have right now. I try to ignore my desires but it's a constant struggle. 

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This story is so overwhelmingly true for me as well and it seems it is a deep struggle for so many of us.

I have been with only one woman and it was a spiritual experience. I was in a relationship with a man

who was sleeping with another man-it all got a bit messy. I have desired women throughout my

whole marriage and have fallen in love with two women over the past 10 years. I never told them

but the pain of not telling them is tragic. I fantasize myself happy with a woman and want to 

leave my marriage. I wonder if I am a lesbian. I have no desire for men and I am with my husband

because I love him and we have a family together. I do know that when they are gone I will

need to live my truth. Maybe it will happen before. Sorry ladies-I have just returned to the

site after a long hiatus and am glad to finally have a place to be me.

Much love and know you are not alone Ev33 and all the other Bi Goddesses in the post

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When I was married before, I think I desperately craved another woman, because he was so horrible after several years. We ended up opening our marriage for a while, mostly because I wanted to find a potential gf, and because after a while I became so repulsed to even think about having sex with him, that I didn't mind if he went looking elsewhere. He ended up breaking my one rule about it - communication is a must BEFORE any sex happens - so I closed the marriage back up, and ended up leaving him not long after.

With my boyfriend now, we are so deeply in love, and he does everything right. But I've been bi for almost half my life, and it's not going to go away overnight. He knew this about me before we got together, so I think he's known for a while that the possibility of me wanting another woman in the bedroom would eventually come up. We've been together almost 3 years, and that desire has finally come to light. He's open to at least the idea of a threesome, because he feels that he'd rather do that now before we ever get married, since he feels that marriage is sacred. Not going to lie, I could feel my face fall, and tears start to well up in my eyes. I think he realized he may have hurt my feelings a bit, because he quickly told me that although that's how he feels now, that may not be after we do get married. He doesn't want to feel like he's the one responsible for me not truly being who I am. So we'll see how that part goes when we get to that bridge. But for now, he knows my desires. I'm open with him about everything. Again, communication is a must for anything to be successful.

Good luck! :)

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I am there too! I love my husband and family and can't imagine my life any other way....most days. There are other days that I physically crave, sexually, being with another woman. My husband is aware of this and it turns him on. We have talked about having a threesome more times than I can say. I have a friend that has wanted to join us...and I always "Chicken out"  not our of fear of being with another woman, but I know I would get jealous and angry after the fact and fear that it would end my marriage. Anyone else deal with this?

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5 hours ago, luvsxywmn said:

I am there too! I love my husband and family and can't imagine my life any other way....most days. There are other days that I physically crave, sexually, being with another woman. My husband is aware of this and it turns him on. We have talked about having a threesome more times than I can say. I have a friend that has wanted to join us...and I always "Chicken out"  not our of fear of being with another woman, but I know I would get jealous and angry after the fact and fear that it would end my marriage. Anyone else deal with this?

I can identify.  I sometimes have this strong, overwhelming desire to have that closeness with a woman, but I could never do a threesome.  It may sound selfish, but I want to have that experience one on one.  I don't want to watch my husband with another woman, or have him watch me.  A threesome would end the marriage for me.

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29 minutes ago, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

I can identify.  I sometimes have this strong, overwhelming desire to have that closeness with a woman, but I could never do a threesome.  It may sound selfish, but I want to have that experience one on one.  I don't want to watch my husband with another woman, or have him watch me.  A threesome would end the marriage for me.

I don't see that as selfish.  That is exactly how I felt and I asked for it.  My ex gf would not have wanted it any other way, and, her husband felt the same way as mine.  That our g/g relationship was just that, for the women.  Neither husbands questioned anything.  

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2 hours ago, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

 It may sound selfish, but I want to have that experience one on one.  I don't want to watch my husband with another woman, or have him watch me.  A threesome would end the marriage for me.

@CuriouslyMarriedWoman you summed this up perfectly for me- i feel the same way in that I would want it alone for myself first. In terms of a threesome- i think I would only know if I wanted to do that after having a solo experience-enough so that you are completely comfortable with each other sexually so that you don't have the added pressure. It almost feels like a stepladder for me-I only know if I can take the next step on my journey once I've taken the step before.Even joining this site-if you had asked me a year ago if I would join a site, I would have laughed...but here I am in the next step of my journey sharing such intimate thoughts of my desires and fantasies-never in a million years would I have thought I could bring myself to admit this truth! And the best part is I'm loving it! What an amazing site this is-I feel so comfortable to share and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders being able to express all the noise and desire in my mind...

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3 hours ago, Shy_Kat said:

.Even joining this site-if you had asked me a year ago if I would join a site, I would have laughed...but here I am in the next step of my journey sharing such intimate thoughts of my desires and fantasies-never in a million years would I have thought I could bring myself to admit this truth! And the best part is I'm loving it! What an amazing site this is-I feel so comfortable to share and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders being able to express all the noise and desire in my mind...

I agree!  A year ago I would not have joined this site, or allowed myself to admit to any of my desires and fantasies.  It is wonderful to talk with everyone on this site openly.

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On 6/15/2017 at 11:26 AM, Ev33 said:

@HeartChakra 

 I am still having a difficult time opening up some of my deeper desires. - I feel that if i say, "I have been really thinking about meeting a woman, and gaining a friendships which may turn into more, but this isn't about our relationship or how I feel about you. Our relationship and family comes first. Oh and I may not want to share this experience with you.. it's only for me."  - or something more eloquent. 

It is very hard to do. I was talking to a friend about this because i have the same reservations and she said build him up often. Tell him how he turns you on, do special things for him, etc, and he will never doubt your commitment to him. Maybe then it'll be easier for you to open up without fear that he'll feel inadequate. 

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I feel like I can't be with another woman unless my husband is okay with it.  He knows how I feel and what I want.  Maybe expressing my deepness of my desires will convince him to let me explore my bisexuality.  I will not do it without his support.  I love him too much to jeopardize what we have.  I worry though of what will happen as the years wear on with him not trying to be supportive... 

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On 7/28/2017 at 11:55 PM, luvsxywmn said:

I am there too! I love my husband and family and can't imagine my life any other way....most days. There are other days that I physically crave, sexually, being with another woman. My husband is aware of this and it turns him on. We have talked about having a threesome more times than I can say. I have a friend that has wanted to join us...and I always "Chicken out"  not our of fear of being with another woman, but I know I would get jealous and angry after the fact and fear that it would end my marriage. Anyone else deal with this?

YES!!! I would love to have a threesome, but don't want my husband touching her. LOL. I feel like a crazy jealous dummy. He would totally be up for a threesome, but I can't bring myself to it because of that.

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On 6/15/2017 at 0:21 PM, Ev33 said:

I am bisexual.. I have always had an attraction to both men and women. I have never been in a relationship with a woman, other than friendship and some crushes.. which left me crushed.

 I am happily married. I met my husband 6 years ago this month. I was open to a deeper type of relationship at the time and looking to settle down. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we are pretty perfect for each other. - We work together as parents and as a couple which is very important to me. 

So, why do I feel like I still want to be with a woman sexually?  - There are times, when it's an overwhelming sensation.. I can't stop thinking about meeting someone in a similar situation and having a sort of "friends with benefits" - "girlfriend" -  I even have a difficult time describing it.

So can you have both? Can you be happy in your marriage and still be attracted to women? Is this what being truly bisexual really feels like?  A tug of war where you find yourself one day looking at a man and thinking "wow.. he is hot." And then another looking at a woman and think "she is so beautiful or sexy." - although 90% of the time I end of having more sexual fantasies when I see a woman than a man. - Perhaps it's because I haven't been sexually with a woman in so long.. 

- sometimes I just feel a bit lost. 

You hit the nail on the head for me! Describes me perfectly! I kinda knew I was bisexual as a teenager but I never acted on it and my parents were so against that kinda thing that it was pushed to the back burner so to speak. Never really thought much about it again. Got married to a wonderful guy that I love dearly! Had two girls that run our world. Did not hit me again until my then 4 year old met a friend at school. Play dates started and about a year into our extremely close friendship I fell for her. She has feelings for me too which makes things even more complicated. We make out a lot but don't take it any further. I so want to, but she is so against it for some reason. Husband is ok with it I guess. He says he is, but I don't know. The 3 of us are close in general. We do a lot of things together. She goes on family vacations etc. it's really hard sometimes. But I am more attracted to women then men as well. 

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On 6/15/2017 at 0:21 PM, Ev33 said:

I am bisexual.. I have always had an attraction to both men and women. I have never been in a relationship with a woman, other than friendship and some crushes.. which left me crushed.

 I am happily married. I met my husband 6 years ago this month. I was open to a deeper type of relationship at the time and looking to settle down. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we are pretty perfect for each other. - We work together as parents and as a couple which is very important to me. 

So, why do I feel like I still want to be with a woman sexually?  - There are times, when it's an overwhelming sensation.. I can't stop thinking about meeting someone in a similar situation and having a sort of "friends with benefits" - "girlfriend" -  I even have a difficult time describing it.

So can you have both? Can you be happy in your marriage and still be attracted to women? Is this what being truly bisexual really feels like?  A tug of war where you find yourself one day looking at a man and thinking "wow.. he is hot." And then another looking at a woman and think "she is so beautiful or sexy." - although 90% of the time I end of having more sexual fantasies when I see a woman than a man. - Perhaps it's because I haven't been sexually with a woman in so long.. 

- sometimes I just feel a bit lost. 

I'm just exploring these ideas myself. I am 100% in love with my husband and our sex life is phenomenal. While simultaneously I am finding myself SO attracted to women as I am on a journey of spreading self-love and seeing the beauty in all things around me! I would love to have a friend of ours that can hang out with my husband and myself at a concert or out dancing and all of us go home together after a few drinks! (Bc those will be nessecary for my first time!!) No strings attached, just simply enjoying the sexuality of one another!

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On 8/2/2017 at 2:55 PM, amsterrock said:

It is very hard to do. I was talking to a friend about this because i have the same reservations and she said build him up often. Tell him how he turns you on, do special things for him, etc, and he will never doubt your commitment to him. Maybe then it'll be easier for you to open up without fear that he'll feel inadequate. 

That's lovely advice. I have been trying to do that more for my boyfriend lately as he has expressed concern that we are growing distant from each other over the past month. I have been taking him for granted lately so I'm trying to focus on the little things like thanking him for cutting up fruit.

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I can't help but keep nodding to nearly every post I've read on this topic - it's like reading my own thoughts and feeling! 

I too am happily married and hubby is totally up for a threesome (I have no problem with seeing him with another woman,it would actually be a turn on) and I think has hinted that he would be ok with me exploring my attraction to women solo but that's the thing I worry about - he says that now but I worry what would happen if he suddenly turned around and got insecure about it. 

Also, I have grown up with this part of me being completely put on the back burner because it would have been viewed by my family as a deviation but there now is a woman in my life I am super attracted to and even though she is not bi as far as I know she appears to be open minded and I can tell she is attracted too. It's just visible, we always end up near each other, in parties we sort of naturally gravitate to one another and we even drunkenly kisses and it was definitely not all alcohol talking when I say it was amazing and there were sparks flying... 

But... I haven't told my husband yet and I can't help but feel guilty for not telling him but at the same time I haven't figured out yet how to feel about it since that friend is now back to just friends mode. I guess part of me worried too that despite him saying that he is ok with it he might be feeling insecure but then I don't know if I'm just not overthinking everything. Guess this is such a new territory and I'm still coming out from under years of "this is wrong, there's something wrong with me" way of thinking that it's hard to bring it up in a frank conversation. 

 

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I don't do threesomes.  Just not my thing.  My experience with husbands otherwise, is that when they know they tend to get very insecure.  I've spent hours trying to explain that me sleeping with their wife is completely different and they shouldn't try to compare it.  She needs both to feel complete.  She doesn't love me or want me more than them, just differently.  It takes a lot of work for the wife, because she has to make extra effort to make him feel ok with it.  When they are clueless it tends to be the guilt that the wife feels that creates issues.  Challenges either way, but most things in life are challenging.  I think if you want it bad enough you will find a way to make it work.

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1 hour ago, zzz_girl said:

I'm not interested in threesomes either.  To me that just doesn't seem intimate, plus I just don't think I could pay attention to two people at once like that and I think it could lead to jealousy.  For me, I didn't feel it was possible to continue my marriage and also pursue relationships with women, which is why I'm ending my marriage.  I'm also just not attracted to my husband.  I haven't been for a long time.  I don't know if I ever truly was attracted to him, actually.  I feel like I always liked him more as a friend.  I've never fantasized about him.  I never liked kissing him.  I never liked being held by him.  I never was into the sex with him all that much.  We get along really well though.  I think that is way our marriage lasted so long.  We are very similar people and he is great guy.  I felt really bad telling him all this stuff, but I figured it was best for the both of us because he'll have a chance to find someone else again too.  

I think you've made a good choice.  I hope you find what you're looking for.  I ended my marriage because my husband was mentally ill and wouldn't stay on his meds.  When the stress gave me a heart attack at 41, I decided that was it.  I balanced my bisexuality pretty well up to that point.  For now though I'm just more comfortable with women.

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