Ev33

Being bi and in a happy marriage with a man

82 posts in this topic

You ladies with supportive husbands are so, so lucky. I didn't realize until years into my marriage that I wanted (needed, craved) to be with a woman. About a year ago, when I finally kissed a woman for the first time, I couldn't keep it in anymore. I finally just kind of blurted it all out to him, and I honestly didn't think he would think too much of it... but he completely flipped out. Long story short....he considers it cheating, doesn't think he will ever be able to "be okay" with it, is deeply hurt, and is very resentful. We have young children and want to stay married (not just for them; we've been together for ten years and truly love each other) but our marriage has been terribly strained for the past year and a half. Sometimes I think that if I just had his blessing to explore this, then my life would be perfect. Not sure what my point is, other than to say count your blessings & don't take your amazing hubbies for granted! lol

Edited by BellaLuna
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I am going to add my two cents to this topic while I have the opportunity (busy weekend). 

I have been married for 5 years now and hubby knew from the start I was into women. He would help me check out females when we would go out and at first we would just talk. Getting used to the idea while showing him that he is my number one. Any insecurities, I would talk to him and remind him how important he is. Basic fear of getting left for a woman, which is normal male or female in a relationship at some point. 

We even had a threesome which didnt end well cause of the immaturity and mixed feelings on their part. Now I have a huge crush (make juicy post about later) of a temporary manager at work and he pushed me to go hang with her after she got off from work on her last day. Needless to say we talked for 5 hours nonstop. 

Now my husband has opened up to me that he is also bi. And i get to return the accepting supportive behavior that he showed me. 

Main thing is, communication and taking your time. And don't be sneaky, be open! 

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Okay, it seems that my adorable husband is almost there with letting me have a relationship with a woman. He just did an A+ 5 star job going down on me, and then he said, "Just so you know, this is what I was doing. So you don't have to figure everything out. What kind of husband would I be...?

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It’s been so reassuring to read this thread and find that many women feel exactly the same way I do. It makes me appreciate my husband more too as my bisexuality is no problem to him, even though he’s desperate for a threesome or to watch me with another woman (no thank you)!

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20 hours ago, Gemini82 said:

It’s been so reassuring to read this thread and find that many women feel exactly the same way I do. It makes me appreciate my husband more too as my bisexuality is no problem to him, even though he’s desperate for a threesome or to watch me with another woman (no thank you)!

You are lucky he has no problem with who you are. Shows that he loves you and that you have a solid foundation.

Xx

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Yes.  It is possible to have both, but you need the right combo of circumstances for it to truly work.  In my case, my hub knew about my sexual relationship with a close friend.  He was ok with it.  When things with her and I went sour, he even told me he was ok with me finding another gf.  I think he understood (although I didn't directly say it) that I really craved being with a woman.  

IMO, for a woman to be married AND have a successful relationship with a woman on the side, she needs the following:

1.  A woman who is comfortable with her sexuality.

2.  A woman who is either also in a relationship with a man, or is satisfied with not having a full-time commitment.

3.  A male partner who is aware and ok with it all.

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Well I’m happily married and my husband has known from the very beginning. He always says he’d have no problem with me having a sexual relationship with a woman but I wonder if it came to it would it be tricky.

Anyway ... I’ve pretty much been having babies for the past 10 years, my youngest is now 2 (practically raised now :lol:) ... so I’ve kinda had this part of me on ice for that entire time thought I’ve been dipping in and out of here over the years.

I would love to meet a like minded woman ... but very difficult particularly in such a small place like Ireland. Definitely wouldn’t be into a threesome - not for me at all.

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On 6/15/2017 at 0:43 PM, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

Know how you feel.  Some days I think, oh well, never going to happen, get over it.  Other days, I've thought about it all day long.  Doesn't seem to be an answer.  Don't want to destroy my marriage, but deeply curious.

I feel the same way. 

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This is a great post...My marriage has its ups and downs from time to time but I'm not wanting to leave him or our family either...I need a female in my life, someone in a similar situation..i could daydream about it all day.. this perfect ideal situation that probably belongs only in my head at this rate! Haha...I've had a threesome in my very early 20's and drunken one I might add but it wasn't a happy place and I wouldn't go back to that in a million years ... I guess it works for some but it's something I just wouldn't want...I'll carry on with my daydreams xx 

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2 hours ago, Violetta said:

This is a great post...My marriage has its ups and downs from time to time but I'm not wanting to leave him or our family either...I need a female in my life, someone in a similar situation..i could daydream about it all day.. this perfect ideal situation that probably belongs only in my head at this rate! Haha...I've had a threesome in my very early 20's and drunken one I might add but it wasn't a happy place and I wouldn't go back to that in a million years ... I guess it works for some but it's something I just wouldn't want...I'll carry on with my daydreams xx 

I experimented with the threesome thing first, I think you think that’s all it is and maybe it is for some. But for me it’s what made me realise I wanted my lady all to myself despite being married and that’s what I aimed for after that. Each experience teaches us something and we evolve as time goes by. I hope your dream comes true.

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4 minutes ago, myladylove said:

I experimented with the threesome thing first, I think you think that’s all it is and maybe it is for some. But for me it’s what made me realise I wanted my lady all to myself despite being married and that’s what I aimed for after that. Each experience teaches us something and we evolve as time goes by. I hope your dream comes true.

It was one of those things I had to try but to be honest I was more interested in the lady than the guy and they were a couple and it just created huge issues... way too complicated for my liking, anyway, yes I do hope my dreams come true... a girl can only keep wishing x 

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Yes totally possible. Hubby and I have been together for 20 years, married for 17 and Ive been openly bi for 5 years now. It's been a while since I've been with a woman but it hasn't negatively affected us at all. In fact we are closer than ever.

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That's great to hear, @Amora!!

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12 hours ago, Amora said:

Yes totally possible. Hubby and I have been together for 20 years, married for 17 and Ive been openly bi for 5 years now. It's been a while since I've been with a woman but it hasn't negatively affected us at all. In fact we are closer than ever.

I'm happily married too. 29yrs happy and he knows I'm bi. Not done any harm either not that I've managed to find a like minded women yet tho. Still looking and hoping lol xx

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My husband and I are on the brink of divorce over this. I don't think I can go the rest of my life without being with a woman, but he absolutely does not want me seeing anyone else. We're in counseling but I honestly don't see any way to compromise on this. I'm completely miserable. 

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31 minutes ago, BellaLuna said:

My husband and I are on the brink of divorce over this. I don't think I can go the rest of my life without being with a woman, but he absolutely does not want me seeing anyone else. We're in counseling but I honestly don't see any way to compromise on this. I'm completely miserable. 

I know that feeling I just had to get out there and do it. It was with hubbys consent but it wasn’t easy. It’s good that you are going into counselling and can be so honest about what is making you miserable. You never know it might make him change his attitude towards you seeking out what you need. Good luck, let us know the final outcome.

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@BellaLuna if you’re completely miserable, then to find a way to be with a woman (with your husband alongside it not) is the right thing to do. This is obviously a pretty rough time for you, maybe it will be for a while, BUT ‘this too shall pass’. I hope your resolution doesn’t take too long x

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Thank you ladies. :wub:  I do try to remind myself that it could always be worse!  

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On 6/15/2017 at 11:43 AM, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

Know how you feel.  Some days I think, oh well, never going to happen, get over it.  Other days, I've thought about it all day long.  Doesn't seem to be an answer.  Don't want to destroy my marriage, but deeply curious.

I completely understand. I feel the same way. Sometimes I think I make this far too complicated. :blush:

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On 11/24/2017 at 11:50 PM, katieg said:

Well I’m happily married and my husband has known from the very beginning. He always says he’d have no problem with me having a sexual relationship with a woman but I wonder if it came to it would it be tricky.

Anyway ... I’ve pretty much been having babies for the past 10 years, my youngest is now 2 (practically raised now :lol:) ... so I’ve kinda had this part of me on ice for that entire time thought I’ve been dipping in and out of here over the years.

I would love to meet a like minded woman ... but very difficult particularly in such a small place like Ireland. Definitely wouldn’t be into a threesome - not for me at all.

Nice to see another Irish gal on here. It' deffo not easy to find like minded people here is it lol

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On 11/26/2017 at 6:18 PM, Amora said:

Yes totally possible. Hubby and I have been together for 20 years, married for 17 and Ive been openly bi for 5 years now. It's been a while since I've been with a woman but it hasn't negatively affected us at all. In fact we are closer than ever.

You've been intimate with a woman while being married? 

If so, how have those experiences enhanced your marriage/ brought you and your husband closer?

Also, I will probably be posting my story/situation sometime in the coming days. Until then, long story short, my bf knows I'm into women and no longer wants me to explore that. 

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On December 8, 2017 at 1:53 PM, BellaLuna said:

My husband and I are on the brink of divorce over this. I don't think I can go the rest of my life without being with a woman, but he absolutely does not want me seeing anyone else. We're in counseling but I honestly don't see any way to compromise on this. I'm completely miserable. 

This is precisely why I've chosen to not tell my husband I'm bi. It's not the "correct" thing to do, but in my case I feel like it's the kindest to everyone involved. 

I 100% relate to you feeling completely miserable. If there was a pill to make me straight, I'd take two just to be sure. 

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18 hours ago, 63395 said:

This is precisely why I've chosen to not tell my husband I'm bi. It's not the "correct" thing to do, but in my case I feel like it's the kindest to everyone involved. 

I 100% relate to you feeling completely miserable. If there was a pill to make me straight, I'd take two just to be sure. 

If it's truly the kindest to everyone involved then it probably is the right thing to do. I'm sorry to hear it's making you miserable. ((Internet hugs))

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I too am happily married, been together going on 10 years. I have always been open with him about my sexuality. A year ago I confided that I was wanting to sleep with a woman. I have had several sexual experiences with women but have always been interrupted. :( Any ways, he is so supportive. He even went looking for dating apps for me. My issue is that there has to be more than just sex for me to be attracted to someone. I need a friendship, a connection. Plus, either I keep moving to the wrong communities or everyone is keeping it on the DL but I can't seem to find any other ladies that are bi. There are times when I too feel like the desire to be with a woman is going to drive me mad!  

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On 6/15/2017 at 9:21 AM, Ev33 said:

I am bisexual.. I have always had an attraction to both men and women. I have never been in a relationship with a woman, other than friendship and some crushes.. which left me crushed.

 I am happily married. I met my husband 6 years ago this month. I was open to a deeper type of relationship at the time and looking to settle down. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we are pretty perfect for each other. - We work together as parents and as a couple which is very important to me. 

So, why do I feel like I still want to be with a woman sexually?  - There are times, when it's an overwhelming sensation.. I can't stop thinking about meeting someone in a similar situation and having a sort of "friends with benefits" - "girlfriend" -  I even have a difficult time describing it.

So can you have both? Can you be happy in your marriage and still be attracted to women? Is this what being truly bisexual really feels like?  A tug of war where you find yourself one day looking at a man and thinking "wow.. he is hot." And then another looking at a woman and think "she is so beautiful or sexy." - although 90% of the time I end of having more sexual fantasies when I see a woman than a man. - Perhaps it's because I haven't been sexually with a woman in so long.. 

- sometimes I just feel a bit lost. 

I feel the same way. I am happily married. But I find myself thinking about woman and being with a woman makes me feel warm inside. Just to nervous and unsure of myself.

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