Destiny

I'm new! :) I'm also curious: How old were you when you ACCEPTED your bisexuality?

22 posts in this topic

Hello, it is a pleasure to find this site and meet all of you! :wub:

i have been struggling with my battle over denial, but I finally had accepted that I was definitely bisexual at about age 23.

I admit that sometimes I still fight it. It Is like one day I am like: "Hey! All of these guys are soooo good looking! I can't decide which ones I would want to take home with me right this minute!" And then the next day I would say: "Wow, women are so gorgeous. Forget men. I can't stop staring at their breasts, butts, thighs!" .... and then some time after that I would be like "Just kidding! Men are totally hot." --- mentally, I could never choose. I always seem to naturally gravitate to one or the other by the day or week or even months, always alternating depending my my mood and lustful craving.

This is why I was going insane over the years. I questioned if I was straight, gay, bi, in a phase, indecisive or just fucked up. :OI thought I was insane. Still do sometimes. And because of these constant flunctuations, I think I'm more of a non monogamy type. I thought I preferred men more on average because I'm very selective with women apparently. However, for a little while I have been preferring women way more than I could ever imagine romantically and sexually. I feel like ultimately I prefer to have both a male and a female always. I just can't seem to stomach the thought of never having both. I feel greedy and unrealistic. :secret:I feel guilty because I feel like I'm a walking stereotype when I didn't mean to be! Yes, I can practice monogamy. But I don't desire it. Gosh! 

But I digress! I hope to meet new, kind friends here. :lol: It's hard to find others who feel the same way as I do, so it is lonely for me. 

Sorry for my long post, did I scare anyone off yet? :rolleyes:

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Welcome Destiny. I think the more you look around the site and go through some of posts others have written you will find that you are far from alone. Several women here are trying to juggle having both and man and woman in their lives. I just recently accepted that my curiosity towards women is actually more than just that. Everyone here is at different stages in their lives and it's amazing to have so many different view points on situations. I definitely suggest reading through other forums. I also think the Married/Committed and Bi-Curious forum would have some helpful support :) Don't forget to check out How this Forum works section as well.

Again, welcome to the site and hope you have a great day!

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Thank you for welcoming me! And definitely! I will look through those and learn others views as well. I love your input, thank you again :lol:

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Welcome to the site!  Thanks for sharing about yourself!

There are a lot of women here who are trying to sort out how to have both, and to balance those desires, especially because bisexuality rarely stays on the same exact spot along the spectrum, which just adds to the frustration and confusion of this identity.  What would your ideal situation be?  Have you done any reading or had any experience with ethical non-monogamy?  There are a lot of us with experience in this area that can share our experiences (many of them are already posted throughout the site) and can help guide you toward good resources.  The first I always recommend is The Ethical Slut by Dossie Eaton.  I have heard good things about Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, but I have not read that one yet.

This can be quite a struggle, because what's appealing about each gender, on the whole, is so different from the other.  This is a site where you'll find a lot of women who understand that firsthand.  

Poke around the different forums, especially the ones about relationships and being married/committed, because you'll see a lot of posts about how to make this kind of thing work.

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Well Im 19 now and only accepted it this past year. Ive tortured myself for years over being so amorously attracted to girls. Now Im in a realationship with a guy I love very much but I cant shake this desire to be with a girl. Its just so different and Im trying so hard to find a solution. I dont know how I could live without one or the other. In a perfect world I would have a husband and a girlfriend.

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Welcome to the site @Destiny, as stated above, there are plenty of women here who want both as you mentioned. I've often felt guilty for being "greedy", and have pegged myself as a "walking stereotype" as well. But I've learned a lot about myself and about bisexuality since joining this site. For what it's worth I don't think what you're describing makes you greedy, you just know what you want. Monogamy isn't for everyone, and you'll find plenty of women here who have experience with non monogamy. Have a look around the forums, I hope you find what you're looking for

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Thank you, ladies! This really helps me knowing that I am not the only one with these feelings! Greatly appreciated!

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Welcome aboard Destiny! I know that shuffle of desire well, mine have wandered all over the map. There are some constants though which maybe made it easier.

I think there are kind of two questions in your post not one - when you worked out you were bisexual (and that you were OK with it) and when you worked out that, for you, monogamy is probably never gonna work!  They might come along at the same time or either could come first - I've known poly bi people who came to the multiple loving relationship realisation before the "oh, and [this other gender too / these other genders too]" happened. For me the bisexual penny dropped round about my 16th birthday but the poly one, oh my that took a long time... I must have been about 28.

Though where I differ from you and BiTriMama is my experience of it all is a lot more genderblind. If I had one lover I can't imagine only having my eye caught by people of a different gender from them.

 

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I personally accepted my bi-sexuality at age 33 but I grew up in an ultra conservative Christian home, very sheltered. Looking back it started age 8

But after having experiences with 2 other women I'm starting to come to terms with being completely a lesbian.(started to realize it this week) 

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On 6/22/2017 at 6:30 PM, Eyes_opened said:

I personally accepted my bi-sexuality at age 33 but I grew up in an ultra conservative Christian home, very sheltered. Looking back it started age 8

But after having experiences with 2 other women I'm starting to come to terms with being completely a lesbian.(started to realize it this week) 

Can totally identify with what you're saying. Same experience for me. 

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I was almost 43 when I accepted it! AKA about 3 weeks ago! 

I can look back all the way to when I was 9 to see the seeds. In talking with my gay baby sister today, I realized that I never really even knew about bisexuality or thought it was an option. I'm mostly attracted to guys, so when I would think about women, I was scared I was a lesbian. I didn't know there was another way. (There's that bi invisibility for you.) I'm thrilled to be able to claim this label. It gives me clarity and peace. 

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not scared yet @Destiny! I was about 27 when I fully accepted my bisexuality and being open to polyamory. I was in an eight year long relationship at the time, which was becoming increasingly abusive/controlling. Hearing his homophobia helped me realise he didn't really know me, let alone actually love me. Long story short, I left him and I'm glad i found the courage to respect and stay true to myself.

one's sexuality is personal and it appears to be unique. Being open to having more than one significant other, in my view, is about honesty, trust, respect and care. Whether it's a fun fling or a committed relationship, as long as everyone's needs are being considered and no one's getting hurt, enjoy the complexities of many loves!

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Welcome @Destiny!

I was 31, which i think is very late. Looking back, it was so obvious, and I hold a little resentment towards my parents for not helping me discover myself sooner. 

 

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I was in my mid 20's and it wasn't necessarily me that acknowledged it as it was my husband after I was approached at a bar.  After my first encounter it was easy to accept as it seemed natural.

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Welcome to Shybi. This is a great community. These ladies have helped me out a lot. Hope they help you too.

To be honest. I have came out of the closet twice. Once about 6 years after I was married I came out as bisexual. Then this past  January I realized I was gay and have came out to select people. I am now 36. 

I am finally happy knowing who I truly am.

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39 but I think looking back it started happening in my early twenties.  I think I just shut it out for a long time.

Edited by Married&Iknowit
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I "knew" when I had my first experience with another girl at 17. I mean , it just felt right, so natural. but I felt guiltly after every time we got together. . In college , I found others who could relate to how I  was feeling, I learned that there was something called  being Bi..  I came to terms with the  idea that I liked  men and women and that I was Bi by the time I graduated.  So I was 22.

 

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My first sexual experience was with a girl, at about 10 years old, and it wasn't just "practicing kissing" with each other, lol! But it wasn't until my early 20's that I began to accept myself as Bisexual. It is a process of self discovery and acceptance for sure!

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I was 18 when I accepted it, although I'd known as soon as puberty hit that I liked boys and girls. I rationalized it as straight plus lol. Don't worry about the stereotypes too much.

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In my 30's. I don't think I was comfortable saying "I am bisexual" until this summer...at 36.

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On 6/21/2017 at 2:46 PM, Destiny said:

I feel like ultimately I prefer to have both a male and a female always. I just can't seem to stomach the thought of never having both. I feel greedy and unrealistic. :secret:I feel guilty because I feel like I'm a walking stereotype when I didn't mean to be! Yes, I can practice monogamy. But I don't desire it. Gosh! 

You have put it in words!!  Thank you!  I feel this so much and I have no idea what to do about it.  My boyfriend is not a fan.  lol.

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And to answer your question.  I accepted it in college, and then I went into denial again after having boyfriends for so long, but the feelings have resurfaced in the last year and here I am at 27, trying to figure it out all over again :)

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