Ashwini

Any ladies that are involved in an interracial affair with another woman?

35 posts in this topic

I am South Asian. Just curious if anyone here had any affairs with a south asian woman and your perspective about them and how you dealt qith cultural differences or anyone who is involved in an interracial affair.

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I've always found S. Asian women to be very attractive. Men too. I've been married and out of the dating scene so long though opportunities have never come up. 

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15 hours ago, Can I get a do over? said:

I've always found S. Asian women to be very attractive. Men too. I've been married and out of the dating scene so long though opportunities have never come up. 

Thank you for the feedback:)

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I've not had an interracial relationship with a woman, however I have with a man. Honestly, it was no different than any of my other relationships. All people have differences. I've dated people my same race whose upbringing had more differences than mine. In the end, dating is about finding what you have in common and growing that. Race is only an issue if you choose to let it be, and if others have an issue with it, well that's there problem. 

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I agree with Questioning, race is only an issue if you choose to let it be. Yes there will naturally be some differences between you two, however those things can also help to grow, fulfill and colour your relationship in a unique way. I have had interracial relationships with both men and women. Both with their share of joys and difficulties, but so too with my same race. It's all about the individual and their character, not the colour of their skin or ethnic origin. All the best to you!

Edited by CuriosiTee
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All my relationships have been interracial pretty much. Its a very specific question and one that kinda makes my hairs stand up a little cos the first thing that comes to mind is why does it matter?

You are who you are and while its less common in some areas to get racial diversity or see women engaging in same-sex relationships it does happen. Given that the majority of my girlfriends were from areas where any difference from the hetero-norm is not tolerated, it still happens. Funny that, I haven't dated a South Asian woman in years, if you excluded areas towards India, but there was no issue at all. The one I'm thinking back to did have a partner actually, but I've always lived in cities or countries with good expat communities so the women I met didn't have any ideals that were that different from mine.

The thing is not to expect a difference or stereotypes, while you might behave one way to your parents or back in your native country, the rest of your life is your business. :) Just cos you don't hear about it doesn't mean it isn't happening!

Edited by Hungry
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On 10/07/2017 at 3:59 PM, Ashwini said:

I am South Asian. Just curious if anyone here had any affairs with a south asian woman and your perspective about them and how you dealt qith cultural differences or anyone who is involved in an interracial affair.

I've not had an interracial relationship with a woman, but I live in an area where there are a lot of people originally from India - my home city is less than 50% 'white' - although most that I socialise with are second- or third-generation by now. I also do some business in India, and I've met quite a number of Indian women that I've been attracted to! However, I can't deny there are some stereotypes at play, for me the main one being that it would seem a little harder to me to flirt with an Indian lady because it feels like they might be a bit more reticent to 'come out' as bi or lesbian. Mainly because of the whole 'my parents might not be happy about it' thing. Most of the Indians I know are either Hindus or Sikhs, and many come from pretty relaxed families, not at all like the 'strict, uptight, controlling parents' stereotype - but still, there is a feeling of an underlying assumption of heterosexuality. One of my Sikh friends, who is a few years younger than me (so in her early/mid 30s now), said to me once that her parents just did not ever talk about the possibility of one of their kids being gay or bi ... not that they said anything bad, it was just never, ever mentioned, and she grew up not even seeing that as a possibility really. (She is, AFAIK, straight, and happily married to a man!)

 

I've been in an interracial relationship with a man, and in the end the cultural differences were just too big, but he was only in England temporarily anyway, so if we were to be together long-term one of us would have had to uproot big time! (He was from Japan.) So I guess it was geographical differences that were a problem for us, rather than cultural exactly. We didn't even speak each other's languages too well!

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17 hours ago, PolarBear said:

I've not had an interracial relationship with a woman, but I live in an area where there are a lot of people originally from India - my home city is less than 50% 'white' - although most that I socialise with are second- or third-generation by now. I also do some business in India, and I've met quite a number of Indian women that I've been attracted to! However, I can't deny there are some stereotypes at play, for me the main one being that it would seem a little harder to me to flirt with an Indian lady because it feels like they might be a bit more reticent to 'come out' as bi or lesbian. Mainly because of the whole 'my parents might not be happy about it' thing. Most of the Indians I know are either Hindus or Sikhs, and many come from pretty relaxed families, not at all like the 'strict, uptight, controlling parents' stereotype - but still, there is a feeling of an underlying assumption of heterosexuality. One of my Sikh friends, who is a few years younger than me (so in her early/mid 30s now), said to me once that her parents just did not ever talk about the possibility of one of their kids being gay or bi ... not that they said anything bad, it was just never, ever mentioned, and she grew up not even seeing that as a possibility really. (She is, AFAIK, straight, and happily married to a man!)

 

I've been in an interracial relationship with a man, and in the end the cultural differences were just too big, but he was only in England temporarily anyway, so if we were to be together long-term one of us would have had to uproot big time! (He was from Japan.) So I guess it was geographical differences that were a problem for us, rather than cultural exactly. We didn't even speak each other's languages too well!

You are right. South Asian culture women are tend to be a bit conservative when it comes to being bi or lesbian. But they are out there who are bi curious and wanting to keep it discreet from everyone in their family. I m one of them. But again thanks for the great feedback. You are spot on.

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I've had interracial relationships with both men and women. However, our cultures were the same as they were born and/or raised from a very young age in my area. So I didn't experience any cultural differences besides religion. (I am an athiest.) And that has caused problems on their end in many relationships. I support them attending church, praying, believing in whatever and whomever they want to, but they are always much less accepting of me not believing in anything except science.

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1 hour ago, cre8yourf8 said:

I've had interracial relationships with both men and women. However, our cultures were the same as they were born and/or raised from a very young age in my area. So I didn't experience any cultural differences besides religion. (I am an athiest.) And that has caused problems on their end in many relationships. I support them attending church, praying, believing in whatever and whomever they want to, but they are always much less accepting of me not believing in anything except science.

Thanks for the response. I m not religious either. But that is sweet you do attend their religious functions without objecting. Too bad they were less accepting of you just because you are an atheist. 

Edited by Ashwini
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I am East and South/East Asian and every relationship I've had (very few, and so far only men) was/is interracial.  However, I haven't been with South Asians, so I can't really comment specifically on your question.  I never had a racial preference, rather for me it's more about compatible ideals, values, and life goals.

I have heard what you mentioned about South Asian cultures being on the conservative side regarding LGBT relationships.  I think in comparison, East and South/East Asian cultures are more open to female homosexuality and female bisexuality... with some conditions being that they still want women to marry men, bear children, and keep their girlfriends "on the side".  Male homosexuality has a longer way to come in those cultures.

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My gf is of Indian descent but born and raised in America so it's never really been an issue. However my high school boyfriend and former fwb (both male) avoided mentioning their relationship with me to their parents for cultural reasons. They were Cambodian and Pakistani, respectively.

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Im in an interracial marriage. It was difficult for the in-laws to accept me. There s nothing I could do about that short of changing my race. But for us there s no issue. The only adjustment was food, so it's been a learning experience. If there s any differences in our values, we talk about it and agree on what we'd like to pass on to our child. 

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This issue is now on my mind again from a different angle, with regards to a Black friend I am potentially interested in dating (the same person about whom I wrote the status update.) It seems like Asian/white pairings are more socially accepted in the US than Black/white pairings.

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On 10/11/2017 at 11:11 AM, amsterrock said:

Im in an interracial marriage. It was difficult for the in-laws to accept me. There s nothing I could do about that short of changing my race. But for us there s no issue. The only adjustment was food, so it's been a learning experience. If there s any differences in our values, we talk about it and agree on what we'd like to pass on to our child. 

I'm in an interracial marriage as well. We both have no tolerance for discrimination. Before we married, we informed our families that if they could not respect the other's spouse, they would never see us again. Most were cool, after 20 years, everyone is on board. We had to overcome ignorance about different cultures more than anything. We have 3 children and it has not always been easy for them, but they learned how to identify and cherish true friends. The biggest lesson I learned is that ignorance does not equal racism. Many people are open to learn about different cultures and share their own. We just had to figure our how to start the conversation.

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Half-South Asian/European here, based Down Under, only been with European men (one was half Pacific Islander) and one mixed Indian male, I think. (Or maybe he was a Persian, no idea, he was mixed with something!)

No women that I have dated.

Americans really seem hung on up on race compared to Down Under (New Zealand.)

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I'd sleep with an Indian lady, except, well I have a block on sex with chicks at the moment! But yes if I ever do, I would like an Indian girl.

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@bikiwiI think you are correct in noticing that race is still a huge issue in the States. Our country was founded on racism and built on the backs of Black lives suffering to make White folk comfortable and profitable.  After slavery, Black Americans lived under Jim Crow laws. And today there are HUGE inequities in education, access to jobs, how people of color are racially profiled and prosecuted, and portrayed in the media. That is just an extremely abbreviated version of the unjust and inhumane ways people of color have been and continue to be discriminated against in America.  And the icing on the cake is that these things have all happened and are happening within the last 200 years. That is only a few generations.  And rather than opening dialogue and learning what the Black experience has been and is, many if not most, White people (who are still the dominant culture in America) are complicit by pretending to be colorblind and wanting to shut down conversations because it is uncomfortable to look at how utterly complicated this all is.

We will be hung up for sometime, until as @Vettesaid, the dominant culture really starts to wake up and learns how to seek to understand.

I get impassioned about these issues and when that combines with my roots in education...it's a perfect storm to make me really want to talk about stuff :)

 

Edited by Kailee
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You mentioned US history being linked to oppression of African Americans but Australia at least has a similar history with Aboriginal peoples (Idk about New Zealand) I'm not saying this as whataboutism to distract from America's problems but rather to point out that the problem isn't solely restricted to America.

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On 2/10/2018 at 7:14 PM, ChemFem said:

You mentioned US history being linked to oppression of African Americans but Australia at least has a similar history with Aboriginal peoples (Idk about New Zealand) I'm not saying this as whataboutism to distract from America's problems but rather to point out that the problem isn't solely restricted to America.

I am in New Zealand. No slaves here, there is an indigenous population called the Maori, there hasn't been as many issues as in Australia. There was a treaty between the British colonists and the Maori that is the nation's founding document (1840) and this underpins much of history and  NZ governance to this day. New Zealand is a separate country to Australia, though of course we are similar and close by - but it's not like I can walk or drive to Australia - takes three hours to fly and it's much larger in landmass and population!

.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treaty_of_Waitangi

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Government_of_New_Zealand

Today NZ is multicultural,

Here's NZ's second highest govt figure, who is part-Maori the Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters, who will be acting Prime Minister when the Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has her  baby in a few months.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winston_Peters

I don't think I'll be back soon to reply here as I am busy currently but just  thought I'd give some accurate info about NZ.

Edited by bikiwi
typo and more to add
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I had a fling for about 3 weeks with a Syrian Arab girl at uni a few years ago. She was always so frightened that someone would see us, put two and two together and that it would get back to her parents, who would then probably want to kill us both. I remember asking her if 'killing us' was sort of tongue in cheek and she said no. They really would. So basically I told her for our safety we should end our relationship immediately!

Last year I dated a Pakistani guy, muslim, but not particularly religious. His father got in touch with me and told me that 'the family' is extremely unhappy about the son's liaison with me. So when I mentioned that his son is an adult and can make decisions for himself, the father said that this is one decision that the family makes and that I should cease seeing him. Who needs the hassle? I certainly don't. Never saw the guy again.

 

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I am a white American, and dated a black woman from a little carribean country for over a year. Omg did I love her! And her accent. Even now (17 years later) just thinking of how she said my name makes my heart flutter. We were both in college, though not at the same school. Eventually, her parents found out about me and my suspiciously close relationship with their daughter. This news, combined with her passing yet not perfect grades, prompted them to pull her out of school and back to her home country. I was devastated. We spent a year working with LGBT lawyers to find a legal way for her to return to the U.S. on her own. It didn't work out, and eventually we faded into our separate lives. She was doing ok last we spoke. I always wonder what if though.... :(

I've had 2 so-so ffm threesome experiences. One woman was from Barbados and the other Puerto Rican. Both were good friends before and after. Lol I do like many aspects of interracial relationships/friendships! Looks, accents, food, music, culture, family dynamics....I think it's good to see what other ways of living and loving are out there. Unfortunately in this regard, I now live in a small, rural, 99% white American town. We definitely need some variety here to mix it up!

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On 27/01/2018 at 10:41 AM, bikiwi said:

Half-South Asian/European here, based Down Under, only been with European men (one was half Pacific Islander) and one mixed Indian male, I think. (Or maybe he was a Persian, no idea, he was mixed with something!)

No women that I have dated.

Americans really seem hung on up on race compared to Down Under (New Zealand.)

I am of south asian background based in Australia. Would be interesting to hear  your experiences. Nz seems so much more progressive when it comes to racism and lgbt rights. I wonder if the south asian community is more accepting.

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