xxshy-bixx

Abuse, physical & emotional

62 posts in this topic

So I just have a question, if someone has been taking abuse through communication will it eventually turn  physical?  

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My ex hubby was an emotionally and mentally abusive alcoholic. His disease progressed over the years and one day there was a shotgun involved. I don't know what your situation is but please seek help. No one deserves to go through any sort of abuse. I always had that fear that some day things would he physical. It made me a fearful, untrusting person. I'm so glad that part of my life is over and I've healed and moved on. It took a lot of talking, sorting through feelings and therapy. Good luck! You are a worthwhile, beautiful person!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It may not always be that way. It wasn't so in my case, unless you count the time he grabbed my wrists hard enough to leave marks when he found out I was leaving him. I put up with the emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse for nearly 6 years before I finally had enough. He did wave a gun around one time, and I was definitely terrified for my life, but that's the scariest it ever got for me. Either way, regardless of the kind of abuse it is, please get out before it's too late. Call the cops and ask to speak to someone in domestic; they can help you form a safety plan to get you out of there...at least that's what they did for me. Do you have any trusted friends or family that can help you get out and on your feet? If not, try to get in touch with shelters for women of domestic violence so that you have a plan for when you do leave. You deserve so much more than that.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not always, but either one can be just as dangerous as the other. I dealt with emotional abuse for years and it's left a scar that, although not physically visible, will never fade. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the emotional abuse has only happened once, for a few hours. I don't know if they were just having a bad day or not, but I was scared, especially  the things they said, they did it in front of my kids. its a fairly new relationship. but I'm the type of person who can forgive easily, I just want to fix what has happened and move on and forget about it. I just need to talk to them, I'm just afraid of what they would say, or if they will get angry again.

 

1 hour ago, Wisleia said:

My ex hubby was an emotionally and mentally abusive alcoholic. His disease progressed over the years and one day there was a shotgun involved. I don't know what your situation is but please seek help. No one deserves to go through any sort of abuse. I always had that fear that some day things would he physical. It made me a fearful, untrusting person. I'm so glad that part of my life is over and I've healed and moved on. It took a lot of talking, sorting through feelings and therapy. Good luck! You are a worthwhile, beautiful person!

 I'm sorry you went through that, I'm glad that time is over with.   thank you, that is sweet to say.

 

1 hour ago, suthrn_wild_thang said:

It may not always be that way. It wasn't so in my case, unless you count the time he grabbed my wrists hard enough to leave marks when he found out I was leaving him. I put up with the emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse for nearly 6 years before I finally had enough. He did wave a gun around one time, and I was definitely terrified for my life, but that's the scariest it ever got for me. Either way, regardless of the kind of abuse it is, please get out before it's too late. Call the cops and ask to speak to someone in domestic; they can help you form a safety plan to get you out of there...at least that's what they did for me. Do you have any trusted friends or family that can help you get out and on your feet? If not, try to get in touch with shelters for women of domestic violence so that you have a plan for when you do leave. You deserve so much more than that.

I'm hoping it doesn't, I don't live with this person, I just want to move past that day. we plan on going on a trip together, I hope this trip will help with dealing with that day and we can bth move on from it. just honestly it is stuck in my head the things she said to me.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the bad thing is they are a cop, I just feel worthless, like all the things she said were true, I have nothing going for myself, I'm nothing.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, xxshy-bixx said:

the bad thing is they are a cop, I just feel worthless, like all the things she said were true, I have nothing going for myself, I'm nothing.

Get out.  Get out now.  Just because she is a cop doesn't mean she is immune from being an abuser, nor does it make her right.  Contact a local women's shelter to find out about resources if you have to.  Even if it never escalates to physical abuse, abuse is abuse!  She is clearly breaking you down, which they do to keep you feeling trapped.  The more she can convince you no one else would want you, the less likely you are to leave.  You deserve better than that!  I can tell you as someone who was in a horribly emotionally and psychologically abusive marriage that life is way better on the outside.

5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi @xxshy-bixx, I'm sorry you went through that. I share @BiTriMama's concerns. You were scared, this happened in front of your kids, and you're still scared to challenge that behaviour because you are afraid of what she would say or if she would get angry. This rings alarm bells. Your first question implies that physical abuse would be more of a problem than emotional abuse, but as the other posters have said, emotional abuse can be devastating and nobody should be subjected to it. Please look after yourself. And even though I don't know you, I am certain that you are not worthless: you are a beautiful person with fine qualities (you know what they are). Even your signature line shows that! You deserve someone who appreciates you.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I say stop now.  Do not be kind and forgive and want to move on in the same situation.  I talk from experience as many from here will let you know.  A person like that feels power when they can physically, mentally and verballY abuse you.  The sad thing we will then feel worthless.  Do not go THERE!  Be Strong!  It is not healthy for you or the kids.  Staying longer is only being in denial.  I don't care what rank or job they have it takes all types of people to make a world.  But you already deep in your Heart know the Truth that this is not good.  Leave and don't turn back.  Watch out for your own mental state of mind and your kids as well.  Good environment is best for everyone..  

Someone once told me that Kindness is mistaken for Weakness and that people like this take advantage of the situation.  Please seek a counselor's help.  You are a great person because there are no worthless people in my eyes.  It is those ugly ones that are shallow, insecure and cruel that like to hurt others to make them feel power.  They have issues and they are not for you to fix.  So please listen to us all here and move FORWARD!

 

 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with what some of the women said - get out of the relationship.  Verbal/mental/emotional abuse is  very damaging.  It doesn't necessarily mean physical abuse, but in my case (1st husband) the verbal/emotional abuse went hand in hand with the physical abuse.  I can't stress enough that verbal/emotional abuse is damaging.  No one should have to take it.  If it happened once, it will happen again.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It can be extremely confusing if the abuse is coming from a woman... We often really don't expect that... I know I didn't...

In my experience verbal/emotional abuse doesn't necessarily lead to physical abuse, but as the other women have said, abuse is abuse, whatever form it takes, so get out now - if you don't, she'll feel empowered to continue and possibly go further...

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/26/2017 at 9:53 PM, xxshy-bixx said:

So I just have a question, if someone has been taking abuse through communication will it eventually turn  physical?  

I would think it could possibly, but, I would think you couldn't no for sure. So, why take a chance?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thank you ladies for the responses, they have helped me a lot.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Agree 100% with what others are saying. One thing worth considering is whether any part of you thinks the abusive things she said are valid and if so why. Not in any victim blaming sense - you absolutely do not deserve this. More just trying to figure out factors that might lead you to fall into that pattern so you can more effectively protect yourself.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would advise you to get out now. I've been through both emotional and physical abuse in the past and I wish I'd left when it started instead of staying and hoping it would change. The longer you stay and the longer the patterns of abuse become established, the harder it is to leave. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

RUN, Get out ASAP. I agree with BiTiMama. Emotional, psychological and verbal abuse can be worse as no one can see it, therefore it doesn't happen. It isn't obverses like physical abuse. You are worth it, don't think otherwise. I got out of an abuse marriage 7 years ago. I still struggle but it's so much better. I'm not trapped. He has NO control over me anymore. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Find support. Good Luck. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/26/2017 at 11:23 PM, xxshy-bixx said:

the emotional abuse has only happened once, for a few hours. I don't know if they were just having a bad day or not, but I was scared, especially  the things they said, they did it in front of my kids. its a fairly new relationship. but I'm the type of person who can forgive easily, I just want to fix what has happened and move on and forget about it. I just need to talk to them, I'm just afraid of what they would say, or if they will get angry again.

 

 I'm sorry you went through that, I'm glad that time is over with.   thank you, that is sweet to say.

 

I'm hoping it doesn't, I don't live with this person, I just want to move past that day. we plan on going on a trip together, I hope this trip will help with dealing with that day and we can bth move on from it. just honestly it is stuck in my head the things she said to me.

I sure hope that's the case, and she just had a bad day or something. Still doesn't excuse her for saying what she said, but it happens. I blurt my true thoughts out all the time, only to realize immediately after they're out, that I probably hurt that person's feelings. 

Hope your upcoming trip sets things right with the two of you. If not, I probably wouldn't pursue the thought of moving in, if you can't even deal with a trip together. 

Best of luck! [[[HUGS]]]

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/26/2017 at 8:23 PM, xxshy-bixx said:

the emotional abuse has only happened once, for a few hours. I don't know if they were just having a bad day or not, but I was scared, especially  the things they said, they did it in front of my kids. its a fairly new relationship. but I'm the type of person who can forgive easily, I just want to fix what has happened and move on and forget about it. I just need to talk to them, I'm just afraid of what they would say, or if they will get angry again.

Have you ever heard the saying, when someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time?  At some point, the veil comes off, and they can't keep their abusive habits in anymore.  Don't be too forgiving of abusive behavior, and make sure she takes REAL responsibility for it.

Check this article out:

 

Edited by BiTriMama
2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I personally have not been in this situation but my best friend has. It started out verbal and later turned physical. She just got out of it about a month ago. I caused us to not talk for a 15 months, then we tried to make it work for a little bit but quickly fell apart again and we didn't speak for another 9 months. Nothing I said or willing to do to get her away from him would work. It had to be HER decision. I finally learned that and fully let her go, then she came back once he left. It's been hard but she is making it all on her own! So if you are dealing with this, leave now. Will it turn physical? There is no way to tell. But why stay with someone that is abusive in any way? My friend wasted 5+ years on a horrible person, why? Bc she didn't want to be alone. Guess what? She is so much happier being alone! Best to just go ahead and cut ties now before things get worse, once an abuser always an abuser! He is still texting her daily telling her how much he misses her and this and that's she doesn't respond bc thankfully she now sees him for what he is. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@xxshy-bixx I'm interested to know how you're doing now?

I've seen my sister go through this and it's heartbreaking. Her husband is emotionally abusive and it took him years, but eventually he managed to ensure that she's has ended up being completely isolated. She has no independence, no friends,and has pushed away every single family member. And, sadly, there's not a damn thing we can do about it because he hasn't physically hurt her, yet.

No matter what we all say to you it's something you're living and have to go through. We can only tell you what we've seen and experienced and no one should be spoken to that way. What might seem minor at first is just the start of control and breaking someone down.

I really hope you've been able to get through this and have support.

 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Ty2254 said:

I personally have not been in this situation but my best friend has. It started out verbal and later turned physical. She just got out of it about a month ago. I caused us to not talk for a 15 months, then we tried to make it work for a little bit but quickly fell apart again and we didn't speak for another 9 months. Nothing I said or willing to do to get her away from him would work. It had to be HER decision. I finally learned that and fully let her go, then she came back once he left. It's been hard but she is making it all on her own! So if you are dealing with this, leave now. Will it turn physical? There is no way to tell. But why stay with someone that is abusive in any way? My friend wasted 5+ years on a horrible person, why? Bc she didn't want to be alone. Guess what? She is so much happier being alone! Best to just go ahead and cut ties now before things get worse, once an abuser always an abuser! He is still texting her daily telling her how much he misses her and this and that's she doesn't respond bc thankfully she now sees him for what he is. 

Abusers are good at isolating their victims.  They get them to cut out their friends and family, or make it so hard for those people to be around they keep their space for self-preservation.  I am so grateful that my friends were there for me when I made my exit.

I'm glad your friend sees this guy for what he is, and isn't responding to him reaching out.  Any reason she hasn't blocked him yet?  No contact is the best way to go, if at all possible.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, lsroses said:

I've seen my sister go through this and it's heartbreaking. Her husband is emotionally abusive and it took him years, but eventually he managed to ensure that she's has ended up being completely isolated. She has no independence, no friends,and has pushed away every single family member. And, sadly, there's not a damn thing we can do about it because he hasn't physically hurt her, yet.

Sadly, even if it does become physical, there is little you can do except be there for her when/if she makes her exit.  Let her know you're on her side.  It's SO isolating inside an abusive relationship, and I know it's heartbreaking to watch from the outside.  Hugs!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, BiTriMama said:

Sadly, even if it does become physical, there is little you can do except be there for her when/if she makes her exit.  Let her know you're on her side.  It's SO isolating inside an abusive relationship, and I know it's heartbreaking to watch from the outside.  Hugs!

Thank you @BiTriMama It is heartbreaking but I'm more concerned about her living through it, and my niece being raised in it. I spoke to a social worker friend who said that unless she wants to do anything about it herself they won't intervene. It's painful and shocking.

I suppose what I was trying to stress, was that an abuser will wear someone down for months and years, gradually and discreetly, so that the victim, and those close to them, don't even see it until it's too late. So yes, I agree with what everyone else says. Get out at the first sign because it can only get worse no matter how much you think they love you.

Edited by lsroses
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, lsroses said:

Thank you @BiTriMama It is heartbreaking but I'm more concerned about her living through it, and my niece being raised in it. I spoke to a social worker friend who said that unless she wants to do anything about it herself they won't intervene. It's painful and shocking.

I suppose what I was trying to stress, was that an abuser will wear someone down for months and years, gradually and discreetly, so that the victim, and those close to them, don't even see it until it's too late. So yes, I agree with what everyone else says. Get out at the first sign because it can only get worse no matter how much you think they love you.

I am a mandated reporter, but there are certain criteria that have to be met, and it's SO infuriating to see an abusive dynamic, and not be able to do anything about it.

I am a labor and delivery nurse, and sometimes it breaks my heart to keep babies with their parents, knowing what they will endure (having lived it myself).  I had one couple where, after the baby was born, the wife absolutely chewed out the husband for having sent a pic of the baby to his parents without her explicit consent prior.  I wanted to be like, HELLO, it's HIS KID, TOO!!!  She treated him horribly, and I could just imagine their future.  He cowered down when she yelled or sneered at him, which she did several times.  I couldn't wait to get rid of them.  Having been in his shoes (been treated like that), it hit home.

And yes, break free at the first red flag!!!

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/20/2017 at 2:12 PM, BiTriMama said:

Abusers are good at isolating their victims.  They get them to cut out their friends and family, or make it so hard for those people to be around they keep their space for self-preservation.  I am so grateful that my friends were there for me when I made my exit.

I'm glad your friend sees this guy for what he is, and isn't responding to him reaching out.  Any reason she hasn't blocked him yet?  No contact is the best way to go, if at all possible.

I debated if I wanted to let her back in. She hurt me a lot the past few years. Wasn't there for me when my Dad died even though I reached out to her. Stopped all contact with me two separate times. No reason no nothing, just stopped. So it was hard. Deep down I know I was never the issue it was him. But that doesn't stop my pain. I know she has been through a lot too. Just messed up. 

The only reason she hasn't stopped all contact and blocked him is bc he still owes her money and bc they lived with each other for so long they have household bills/ etc to work out. So when something happens for example. Her daughter's diabetes supplies did not show up and she couldn't figure out why. Come to find out he had stopped the mail! That's life or death for her so she had to. Luckily she was able to borrow some from a diabetes support group but what an ass! Hoping soon he move 10 hours away as there isn't anything here for him, all his family is away and he hates his job and his daughter is 10 hours away as well. So hoping by Christmas he is gone! 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now