xxshy-bixx

Abuse, physical & emotional

62 posts in this topic

14 hours ago, xxshy-bixx said:

she makes me feel good, happy. but things shes says to me make me upset, she constantly asked me if I'm happy or do I want someone else. But other than that I'm happy with her, my kids like her. like if she didn't always ask me if I want her or if I'm talking to someone else, I would be much happier. I just don't know what to do sometimes. 

 Of course. You love her and she has good qualities or you wouldn't be dating her in the first place. I wouldn't want to offend you by any comments I make about her and you're the one who's living it so we can't tell you what you do. But you're clearly concerned about this relationship so take on board what your fellow shys have said, and go with your gut.

We might sound harsh but some of us have seen the worst things happen to people we care about, or lived through it ourselves, so we'll immediately go on the defensive to protect others where there are warning signs. 

It sounds like she's battling with her own insecurities and jealousy so she needs to get help. But that's on her. All you can do is point her in the right direction and make her aware that it's hard for you to deal with when she gets like that. Hopefully, that in itself should prompt her to get the help she needs. Just make sure you have support if you need it too. 

Edited by lsroses
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On 11/13/2017 at 4:20 AM, lsroses said:

 Of course. You love her and she has good qualities or you wouldn't be dating her in the first place. I wouldn't want to offend you by any comments I make about her and you're the one who's living it so we can't tell you what you do. But you're clearly concerned about this relationship so take on board what your fellow shys have said, and go with your gut.

We might sound harsh but some of us have seen the worst things happen to people we care about, or lived through it ourselves, so we'll immediately go on the defensive to protect others where there are warning signs. 

It sounds like she's battling with her own insecurities and jealousy so she needs to get help. But that's on her. All you can do is point her in the right direction and make her aware that it's hard for you to deal with when she gets like that. Hopefully, that in itself should prompt her to get the help she needs. Just make sure you have support if you need it too. 

Don't worry you havent offended me. I like honesty and good or bad feedback. Im juat taking it one step at a time. I know not all relationships are perfect, so im just going to wait it out a bit longer. 

But I'm not sure I can, I've been thinking lately about being with someone else, No one in particular, just maybe I'll be better off with someone my own age or someone who Ik more attracted too. 

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43 minutes ago, xxshy-bixx said:

 

But I'm not sure I can, I've been thinking lately about being with someone else, No one in particular, just maybe I'll be better off with someone my own age or someone who Ik more attracted too. 

Is she older than you then?

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13 minutes ago, ChemFem said:

Is she older than you then?

She's 39 I'm 27

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13 minutes ago, xxshy-bixx said:

She's 39 I'm 27

Yeah there likely won't be as much power imbalance with someone your age

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27 minutes ago, ChemFem said:

Yeah there likely won't be as much power imbalance with someone your age

I just hate that we'll have some great days then she says something that will make me feel hurt. Like I'm the one whose doing the wrong in the relationship. I'm just going to give a bit more time. Hoping things will get better . 

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I figure i'd give everyone an update.  I have broken up with my gf, I've given so many chances to make this work. I  just wasn't happy and knew it would be the same thing every month, this would have been my longest relationship, it would b a yr.  But I'm happy that I'm out if this toxic relationship. Now im just feeling lonely. Recently been talking to an ex, who I do still love. We want to make it work, but they're in an unhappy relationship and lives quite a few hours away. I'm just patiently waiting for them to leave their gf. Which they said they will, just don't know when. 

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I'm so happy for you! Thank you for the update and well done for getting out of your toxic relationship.

Don't rush anything. Become strong in yourself and be happy. It sounds like you need to find your confidence again so work on that and great things will come your way, I'm sure. 

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I was thinking of you the other day to be honest. We hadn't heard from you for some time. I am so happy you are so strong and figured things out by yourself. As lsroses said don't rush anything and you are right it would be the same thing every month. People like these can't change :)

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15 hours ago, kairi said:

I was thinking of you the other day to be honest. We hadn't heard from you for some time. I am so happy you are so strong and figured things out by yourself. As lsroses said don't rush anything and you are right it would be the same thing every month. People like these can't change :)

Aww, well thank you for thinking about me...sometimes I don't feel strong. I'm glad that I've finally left, I knew things would've gotten worse. I'm not going to rush, just wish I could get a read on how this person is feeling. 

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I'm so glad to hear you've left!

With regards to this ex of yours that you're waiting to have become single, is there a reason you're waiting around for this person?  This is a really good time to focus on yourself and on healing from this relationship and the behaviors in yourself that kept you from taking action sooner.  You can gain a lot of strength being single for awhile, and getting to know what makes you happy on your own.  You'll be a better partner for it.  I realize you're lonely, but that sets you up for ending up in yet another bad situation. 

I have to ask, what about this ex says that he/she will really leave their partner?  Does that concern you that they already have you waiting on the back burner?  Is this their pattern?

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11 minutes ago, BiTriMama said:

I'm so glad to hear you've left!

With regards to this ex of yours that you're waiting to have become single, is there a reason you're waiting around for this person?  This is a really good time to focus on yourself and on healing from this relationship and the behaviors in yourself that kept you from taking action sooner.  You can gain a lot of strength being single for awhile, and getting to know what makes you happy on your own.  You'll be a better partner for it.  I realize you're lonely, but that sets you up for ending up in yet another bad situation. 

I have to ask, what about this ex says that he/she will really leave their partner?  Does that concern you that they already have you waiting on the back burner?  Is this their pattern?

I'm waiting to be honest because I still love them.  And they still love me. They r in an unhappy relationship, they're with someone who cheats on them constantly. I don't know what's going on in their head. I am going to just focus on me, because Idk when they're going to leave their gf. They say they want to leave them, it's not a pattern for this person. We just honestly need to work on ourselves first before we try again. We're still in the same position when we were together 3yrs ago. It's just hard feeling like I'll end up the lonely old cat lady,lol. 

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