Shy_Kat

Home is where the heart is...

6 posts in this topic

The good old saying "home is where the heart is" right? I recently immigrated so my heart is still at my home, and then from an intimacy perspective, all this thinking of women whilst married-the saying leaves my heart confused and it prompted me to write this poem with a double meaning.

If this gets read, I hope you enjoy. You may not have immigrated but hoping you can relate to the conflict of the heart...

"Home is where the heart is":

I wish somebody could climb into my mind,
To understand my pain and confusion inside,
To help guide me on the right way,
Do I leap forward or best I stay?
 
My foundation has crumbled,
My soul is not strong,
Confusion reigns,
I don't know where I belong,
 
Backwards and forwards,
Feels like it will never end,
I long for peace,
To feel whole again...
 
The noise, the chaos-it must go away
I ask again-should I stay?
 
How will I know if this is home?
This is the problem-it's unknown.
I wish I had a crystal ball,
Something to guide me and tell me all.
 
The devil you know or the devil you don't-
The devil I want but the devil I won't...
 
And I ask where happiness begins and where it ends-
What is real and what is pretend?
Follow head or heart,
How will I know?
Do I stay or do I go?
 
This never-ending cycle of anxiety and pain-
I need the answer to feel whole again...
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@Shy_Kat  I enjoyed your poem.  I tried to imagine how it must feel for you to leave you home and familiar surroundings behind.  I can kind of relate to that - years ago I moved to a new state in the USA, and for quite a while I felt lost and alone.

I can also relate it to being married and having these feelings about women.  The degree to which I feel this way varies from day to day.  The confusion and mixed emotions can be a roller coaster.  What to do, or not do as a married woman is an issue for many of us.

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@Shy_Kat The struggle is real on a daily basis. You said it very magically. I retreat into my mind to seach for peace and balance it is only there, that I find it. Please know you are not alone in your struggle for female intimacy. With the new home, it may take time but eventually it may begin to grow on you. * hugs*

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Love this poem! Very expressive and elegant......nailed it of what the feelings I am currently going through with coming out lesbian and the hubby wanting a divorce. Me personally wanting to stay, for the kids and "comfort zone" but also knowing what possibilities await in the next chapter that I'm forced to take. 

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@Eyes_opened glad you enjoyed it and relate to it...scary stuff-and your journey is a lot more progressed...especially with hubby already wanting the dovorce, and kids just make it so hard to choose yourself...really wish you luck with whichever route your life goes and that the decision brings peace sooner rather than later...

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