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So I've been browsing and reading different posts and I feel like I want to individually reply to most of these posters to say I am in the same boat! It's mind blowing how many of us are out there. By us I mean married women who are happy in their marriage, have a family and don't want to leave but would like more. 

I was also reading  in the same threads that women DO meet other women in these situations and most of the time it turns out pretty incredibly.  Married women  meeting other women either married or not but who are understanding of the situation  

It is one thing to express your desire to your partner and them saying yah go for it (or something along those lines even if they are not sure), it's another to actually go out there and find someone. It makes it even more difficult if you add emotional compatibility and connection to the mix.

My question is where do you all meet them? How does it really work? Someone like myself who has never been with a woman wouldn't even know where to begin. 

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I mean there are always dating platforms, if that's something you'd be open to. I truly believe that the most authentic connections happen naturally with little to no effort. You can absolutely find that with dating sites, but it can be a lot of crazy to sift through. (Just my impression, I'm not experienced with dating platforms).

If you're actively involved in group things like the gym, yoga, running, painting, pretty much any type of class you can think of, then maybe someone sparks your interest there? If you're a mom, you can easily connect with other moms through school events or play groups. Also, many areas these days have LGBT meeting groups, where you can meet and just hang out with like minded people, maybe check to see what's available in your area (I have experience in this either). Clearly I'm not the best person to be giving advice lol...good luck though!

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Thanks @Cute&Curious

i am not really into dating websites, never done it. I'm of the exact same mind as you that it is best if it happens naturally. I just wanted to ask the ladies here who have been in my place and have found a partner and have had the experience they had longed for. Ask them how they met and how their relationship went forward. Just curious : )

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17 minutes ago, khichihouvan said:

Thanks @Cute&Curious

i am not really into dating websites, never done it. I'm of the exact same mind as you that it is best if it happens naturally. I just wanted to ask the ladies here who have been in my place and have found a partner and have had the experience they had longed for. Ask them how they met and how their relationship went forward. Just curious : )

Well I'm not one of those women but I've been here long enough to know some of those women...quite a few found a partner from what started as a friendship....the classic fall in love with your best friend scenario....it's really very sweet. And, even though this is not a dating site, there have been a number of relationships formed here, so don't rule it out

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Not that I am an expert but here is my two cents.   You are right dating sites are not for everyone.    But if u are a married woman, a little shy and terrified that people can see right through you.  So flirting with a woman is never an option! Your family knows everyone u do, all ur friends and u never really get time alone to urself and if u do you have to explain where ur going and who ur with!   

I never thought I would have gone to a dating site either - I guess you could say I used to be very paranoid now I am just a little paranoid!  I am not getting any younger so I started thinking about my wants and my needs and I didn't want to have any regrets !

I am not encouraging or discouraging a dating site all I am saying is don't rule out anything until u give it a try.  Especially if u feel there is no other way of meeting someone, maybe because ur under a microscope at home, maybe u feel u don't have gaydar or both as was the case for me.  All I knew was I was missing something and I needed to try.  Remember there are no guarantees in life u have to be smart about everything u do and trust urself.  

I just wanted to let you know that sometimes a dating site can work. :) 

Wishing you the best of luck! 

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@Lizzie1967 hey thanks for your post Lizzie. You're right about being paranoid and gaydar being weak and everything in between! : ) I even delete history on my phone each time I visit this site!! Not because my husband is checking my phone (he doesn't have my password nor does he really care for it) but it's something I'm terrified about all on my own. 

Normalizing new experiences really helps and I again thank you for it. Just not there yet. 

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I totally understand and I still do that too, delete the history on my phone as well and text conversations and sometimes even call history.  My H doesn't have my password either it's just the paranoia - I hope one day u and I and everyone else who feels like this can overcome it.   Best of luck. 

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I actually met someone on here that I dated for awhile and we are still friends, and I know people who have had success on dating sites. The one thing I will caution you about is that there are loads of couples on those dating sites looking for a third, so be prepared to turn that offer down quite a bit if you go that route. Also, don't get discouraged. Sometimes finding a person who is the right fit for you and your situation can take a bit of time. Best of luck!

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I have joined several dating sites, and I have to admit.. it's a bit overwhelming. It's hard to weed through the catfish, bots, and "men". Yes be been actively looking for a "friend" for 6 months, and no luck. Women will look at my profile, or wink, but nothing more happens  

I've expressed to H that I feel I need to physically put myself out there. 

But where is "there"?? I have no idea how a straight curious female would fit into a gay bar. I don't even know where a gay bar is!  But if I did, and I went, I don't know how to act. 

I get so frustrated, sometimes I wonder if I will go through life always wondering. 

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I came to the conclusoonthat if anything was going to happen, I had to make it happen. I hoped that I would just meet a women but everyone Im surrounded by at work and home is straight. So although I wasnt a fan I tried a dating app called HER. Its only for women. Ive only been using it for a week and a half and already have chatted with several woemen in my area. I dont know if anything will come of it yet but at least I have some women to flirt with. ;)  Its slow so it makes it easier to get. 

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I bet if you look around at the people you know in real life, you will start to see you know more women who are open to sexual relationships with other women.  

Something strange has happened to me since I accepted I was bisexual...and I'm not sure if it's that I'm now suddenly more aware of subtle signals, or if it's because I subconsciously give off some signal of my own...but I seem to know lots of women who are attracted to or have been with other women.  Some examples...

A co-worker and her husband have an open marriage and she has acknowledged she is bisexual and likes sex with women.  

Another co-worker confessed to me recently that she and her husband had a threesome with a female friend before they were married.  She's been pretty clear with me that she's open to fooling around sexually with women and her husband is ok with it.  She has no clue that I'm bi.  But I think it's pretty clear that I'm interested to hear her stories.  I'm not attracted to her, but I've wondered if she's attracted to me.  

Some of my fellow mom friends have seemed awfully friendly lately and one of them felt me up, recently, after a few drinks.  She was totally joking around but I wondered...

Make some off-handed comments about a female celebrity being "hot" or make other joking references and see how people respond.  That's always how I pick up on subtle hints that other women are open to it.

Good luck!

Edited by FlaGrl08
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I appreciate all the info you ladies shared here.  I'm pretty sick of all the fake or, even worse, shallow people that you find on dating sites.  I've decided that it has to happen in real life or it ain't happening!  Thankfully I am married to the love of my life and we have an awesome sex life so, while I'd love to explore with a woman, at least I can stay true to my values and desires and wait for the right one if I ever stumble into her.  :rolleyes:

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I have personally had the most success online, but yeah, there is A LOT of sifting through the fakes and flakes, and a lot of rejection, not hearing back from people, and the like.  You just kind of have to keep an open mind, be out with those around you, and suss out anyone that interests you.

When I was married, we were searching for a triad (my then-husband wouldn't have it any other way, but that's how he is about anything that's not centered around him).  We talked to several women (and a few fakes), met up with a few, dated one a few times and had one 6 month relationship.

As for how it works, it depends on the terms you and your husband agree to, and what the other woman wants.  Really, your lack of experience doesn't mean as much as you think it does, in terms of your search.  Be clear about how you feel about women.  Is this something you want to try once, or do you already know you're interested in women and you want a relationship?  Are you seeking something where you can meet up regularly?  Would your husband be involved?  Look at ads for women who are in your situation, because many of them include this stuff in their ads, and you can see how they address it.  It can even be helpful for when you're conversing with a woman you might be into, so that you're clear with her.

I often recommend reading The Ethical Slut by Dossie Eaton before pursing anyone.  There are other books, too, but this is the one I personally have read.

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@BiTriMama I’m going to have to read the book you keep recommending the Ethical Slut! 

I can honestly say that once a came out to a few of my what I consider as close friends; most of them wanted to if I was attracted to them. After feeling them out ... like why would you ask that!? I think they were just looking for that ‘wow, H’s attracted to me.’ I think it made them feel better about themselves. I was also amazingly surprised by how many of them weren’t even shocked by me coming out! They are all straight, and most of them said ‘I knew it’. 

I guess the thought here is you never know who you might meet around the corner, and you never know out of your close circle of friends who is feeling the same way as you ... or my case already knew! 

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On 9/17/2017 at 1:07 AM, khichihouvan said:

I even delete history on my phone each time I visit this site!! Not because my husband is checking my phone (he doesn't have my password nor does he really care for it) but it's something I'm terrified about all on my own. 

Normalizing new experiences really helps and I again thank you for it. Just not there yet. 

I do this as well! I thought I was crazy for it. My fiancé doesn't care or check my phone, but there's this sense of guilt and paranoia I just can't shake yet! Thanks for sharing this!

I'm also very paranoid about dating sites because of fakes, flakes, and horror stories. Not to mention, how scary must it be to put yourself out there and meet a stranger in person? But I also feel that online is the best option in my area. Sexuality feels like a very taboo subject in Miami. South Beach is an isolated place. Locals are actually pretty conservative and  I wouldn't even know how to broach the topic with anyone in the first place

Edited by Esi.luna
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