Cely20

Did I just miss an opportunity?

11 posts in this topic

Ok so I need to run this by someone and since none of my friends know I’m “bicurious” I will have to rely on you lovely ladies to tell me if I missed an opportunity. It all started when my coworker ( beautiful recently divorced) invited me to meet her and a mutual friend to her house for drinks and then a night out. Obviously I don’t think anything about it and say ok sure I can use some drinks. I get there and everything pretty normal we have some drinks smoke a little and decide it’s time to hit the bars. We take a cab so we all sit in the back seat of the cab. On our way there I feel my coworkers hand on my leg but I don’t think anything of it, I mean we are just girls hanging out.

We go bar hopping, all three just talking laughing nothing unusual... but then I notice that the friend is quite friendly with her, getting close to her, playing with her hair and so on...then these guys come to talk to us and one of them says to the other “dude let’s leave don’t you see she is grabbing her ass they are not into guys” referring to my coworker and friend. I felt awkward but choose to pretend I didn’t hear anything. My coworker already tipsy says let’s go home and continue the party there. When we took the cab back to her house her hand was on my leg again but this time she turned and kissed her friend! I didn’t know what to do! Ugh so I did nothing. I must admit I felt a bit envious that she didn’t turn to kiss me but again I don’t know if she likes me or I was imagining things. Anyhow we get to her house.. her friend goes directly into her bedroom ( she is really drunk) I was in the kitchen, my coworker served me another drink, which I drank while making small talk... then I just felt like a third wheel or something so I said I had to go and said by told her to have some fun winked and left..She did ask me if to stay a bit longer but not sure if it was just to be polite or if she really wanted me to stay . Anyhow, after I left I felt like I may have missed my chance of something exciting from happening . What do you guys think I should have done?? 

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Hard to say.  The hand on the leg may have been casual, but it's the biggest sign of anything you said that would indicate that she might have been interested.  Had she turned to kiss you in the car, I would definitely say yes.  I know it might be awkward, but maybe ask her?  Or say something about mixed messages, and trying to get a read on things and you think she's cute...  Try not to be passive aggressive about it (like so many women are!).

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It sounds like your coworker is bi but not necessarily into you. Based on your description it sounds like most of the intimacy was between the two of them. Clearly they didn't mind being open so I think if they had wanted a third they would have asked you. Sorry.

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Just now, BiTriMama said:

Hard to say.  The hand on the leg may have been casual, but it's the biggest sign of anything you said that would indicate that she might have been interested.  Had she turned to kiss you in the car, I would definitely say yes.  I know it might be awkward, but maybe ask her?  Or say something about mixed messages, and trying to get a read on things and you think she's cute...  Try not to be passive aggressive about it (like so many women are!).

Yes, asking is probably simplest.

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Thank you ladies for all the comments. This am she sent me a message saying she was glad I got home ok ( she had asked me to text her when I got home last night so I did and said thank you for inviting me and that I had fun) she also apologized about being so drunk last night. She told me she was Bi but liked men more than women. She said she didn’t want to cross the line with her friend as she was just having fun and did not want to hurt anyones feelings, that it was just fun. She asked me to keep it a secret, I told her ofcourse  not to worry that she can trust me and that I as well am open to both men and woman and that my husband did not know (she said that not everything is meant to be shared with them and sent a wink). I told her that as long as she is honest with the friend and that they both agree that this is just fun that there shouldn’t be a problem. She said next time she wants us to go dancing so I said absolutely I will plan the next outing she want us to plan it as soon as possible so maybe next weekend we will go out again. Wthen just talked about other things non related to the the event. Looks like you guys are right! She is definitely Bi but not interested in me lol... I’m glad I didn’t make a fool of myself by making a move! The good thing is  I’ll have someone with an open mind to talk to about my feelings. I’ll keep you guys posted on our next outing!! 

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23 hours ago, Cely20 said:

Thank you ladies for all the comments. This am she sent me a message saying she was glad I got home ok ( she had asked me to text her when I got home last night so I did and said thank you for inviting me and that I had fun) she also apologized about being so drunk last night. She told me she was Bi but liked men more than women. She said she didn’t want to cross the line with her friend as she was just having fun and did not want to hurt anyones feelings, that it was just fun. She asked me to keep it a secret, I told her ofcourse  not to worry that she can trust me and that I as well am open to both men and woman and that my husband did not know (she said that not everything is meant to be shared with them and sent a wink). I told her that as long as she is honest with the friend and that they both agree that this is just fun that there shouldn’t be a problem. She said next time she wants us to go dancing so I said absolutely I will plan the next outing she want us to plan it as soon as possible so maybe next weekend we will go out again. Wthen just talked about other things non related to the the event. Looks like you guys are right! She is definitely Bi but not interested in me lol... I’m glad I didn’t make a fool of myself by making a move! The good thing is  I’ll have someone with an open mind to talk to about my feelings. I’ll keep you guys posted on our next outing!! 

Whether she's interested in you or not, it seems as though she at least trusts you a lot, and cares for you as a friend.  It is really nice having someone with similar feelings to talk to whether those feelings are directed towards each other or not.  You never know! But congrats on discovering that you have a bi friend to talk to openly with, and i hope your next outing is fun! 

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Not so fast...I wouldn't write her off as not being interested in you.  She sent out a lot of "feelers".  Hand on your leg.  Inviting you to stay.  Telling you she was bi.  She was clearly attracted to the other girl, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't in the back of her mind that she'd like to see your reaction to her bisexuality.  

I'd just see where this friendship leads, for now.

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10 hours ago, FlaGrl08 said:

Not so fast...I wouldn't write her off as not being interested in you.  She sent out a lot of "feelers".  Hand on your leg.  Inviting you to stay.  Telling you she was bi.  She was clearly attracted to the other girl, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't in the back of her mind that she'd like to see your reaction to her bisexuality.  

I'd just see where this friendship leads, for now.

I agree, I would think she was trying to gauge your reaction with the hand on the leg move. That could mean a number of things, doesn't necessarily mean she's interested in you, but it doesn't mean she isn't either. 

The thing about opportunities is that we're just as capable of creating them as we are waiting for them.

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11 hours ago, FlaGrl08 said:

Not so fast...I wouldn't write her off as not being interested in you.  She sent out a lot of "feelers".  Hand on your leg.  Inviting you to stay.  Telling you she was bi.  She was clearly attracted to the other girl, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't in the back of her mind that she'd like to see your reaction to her bisexuality.  

I'd just see where this friendship leads, for now.

This is true!  From personal experience:  i put out a whole lot of feelers before i really knew if my crush would be interested. I tried flirting, but it usually came across as pretty benign (at least from my view, I'm bad at overtly flirting), i made sure she absolutely knew i liked women and that I'd be open to dating one, if i found the right person, and i even tried to gauge how she'd react to physical involvement by "innocently" telling her when i was potentially considering messing around with another lady friend who'd approached me about it. Which was maybe a little underhanded, but it apparently got her thinking/discussing. I had a feeling she might be interested but i wasn't sure at all, and even if she was, whether she'd be okay with acting on it.  Then i found out she'd actually discussed sleeping with me with her fiance (shortly after I'd told her about the other girl i was talking to), and a couple of months later it actually happened.  

So, i can't be completely sure, but it does sound like there's a possibility she's feeling you out, even despite showing interest in the other friend. @FlaGrl08 is right, just see where this friendship is going right now, you might be surprised. 

 

1 hour ago, Cute&Curious said:

The thing about opportunities is that we're just as capable of creating them as we are waiting for them.

This is difficult to remember.  I think we're kind of wired to wait for the other person to make a move. But then we get stuck in a rut because neither party will do it.  Maybe put out some feelers of your own, just to see how she reacts. Not too obvious, take it slow. But i think both @FlaGrl08 and @Cute&Curious are right.  It doesn't necessarily mean something, but it potentially could. 

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Hmm this is a good beginning. If you fancy her, hang out more often and mirror whatever she's doing to you; like if she places her hand on your leg then touch her too. This is to send across the message that she can have fun with you, if she wishes. Be subtle in case she sees you as a close friend and doesn't want to cross the line bcoz some people do not want to fool around with friends they want to keep. It's tricky but you'll find it out for yourself. Keep us updated please. 

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On 10/11/2017 at 0:49 PM, Ambrosia said:

This is true!  From personal experience:  i put out a whole lot of feelers before i really knew if my crush would be interested. I tried flirting, but it usually came across as pretty benign (at least from my view, I'm bad at overtly flirting), i made sure she absolutely knew i liked women and that I'd be open to dating one, if i found the right person, and i even tried to gauge how she'd react to physical involvement by "innocently" telling her when i was potentially considering messing around with another lady friend who'd approached me about it. Which was maybe a little underhanded, but it apparently got her thinking/discussing. I had a feeling she might be interested but i wasn't sure at all, and even if she was, whether she'd be okay with acting on it.  Then i found out she'd actually discussed sleeping with me with her fiance (shortly after I'd told her about the other girl i was talking to), and a couple of months later it actually happened.  

So, i can't be completely sure, but it does sound like there's a possibility she's feeling you out, even despite showing interest in the other friend. @FlaGrl08 is right, just see where this friendship is going right now, you might be surprised. 

 

This is difficult to remember.  I think we're kind of wired to wait for the other person to make a move. But then we get stuck in a rut because neither party will do it.  Maybe put out some feelers of your own, just to see how she reacts. Not too obvious, take it slow. But i think both @FlaGrl08 and @Cute&Curious are right.  It doesn't necessarily mean something, but it potentially could. 

I, also, sent out a lot of feelers with my friend (who I later hooked-up with several times).  She did the same with me.  I wasn't sure what to think because so much of it was subtle.  One of the things she did was reveal to me she'd been with other women, sexually.  

Women tend to be less direct and they're much harder to read.  

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