ElizabethG

Dom or Sub

24 posts in this topic

So ladies, I’ve never physically been with a woman one on one. I’ve had 2 threesomes with the same couple but had to be super drunk just to go through with it and they focused more on themselves than me.

For my first few times (yes I plan on doing it more than once) I would like that be the submissive one. I’m a very controlling person in my everyday life at work and home and I would like to be told what to do and how to do it for a change. Being able to let someone else be totally in charge actually turns me on.

What do you prefer to be? Dominant or Submissive?

Edited by ElizabethG
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I'm a switch so it really depends. My primary partner is the only person I've been kinky with before and he's fairly dominant, so I end up being a sub by default. I'd like to try being more dominant with my next playmate once I get to know the BDSM community here.

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I don't think I could be into hard core BDSM, but I like the idea of LIGHT Dom/sub scenarios. I think I'm more of a submissive, but I would also like to experience being more dominant. In my head, it would greatly depend on the person, I can't imagine being the more dominant partner with a man, obviously I'm more submissive by nature. I do like the idea of seducing a woman even more submissive than me, but it really depends on her. A woman who has more of a dominant demeanour, I couldn't imagine her any other way. I do find I'm drawn to dominance, not necessarily as it applies to Dom/sub scenarios....but I find powerful, confident women, who take control, very irresistible. 

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I am more dominant but I don't have a problem either way. Depends on my mood  :P

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Definite sub with hubby.  i am a total switch with her and it is a lot of fun being in both roles, being comfortable and being vulnerable :)

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I believe that I am a switch. Depends on the person I'm with would depend on if I'm a dom or sub. 

With my ex gf. She was the dom and I was the sub. I loved giving up control to her. 

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Sub. Always. 

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Mostly sub, with the occasional desire to be dom. And this is all mild,  too. 

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I am very switchy, and can go far one way or the other.

Sounds like this couple needs to appreciate you for the unicorn you are!!  Most couples would be lavishing attention onto you!!

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23 minutes ago, BiTriMama said:

I am very switchy, and can go far one way or the other.

Sounds like this couple needs to appreciate you for the unicorn you are!!  Most couples would be lavishing attention onto you!!

I wish. That was over 10 years ago. My next time will be one on one. Just me and the wonderful woman that chooses me.

And yes some days I do feel unicornish (yes I made that up). :secret:

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I would love to be dominated by another woman! That is definitely one of my biggest fantasies. I think I would be much more comfortable exploring a BDSM lifestyle with a woman than with a man. 

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2 hours ago, cremdelachoc said:

I would love to be dominated by another woman! That is definitely one of my biggest fantasies. I think I would be much more comfortable exploring a BDSM lifestyle with a woman than with a man. 

Same. I think I would be less restrained (pardon the pun) with a woman. For one thing if there's hetero sex involved, pregnancy risk is always at the back of my mind.

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  I haven't posted here in quiet some time. I've put it back in Davy Jones's locker and try and forget it. But it finds a way to resurface now and then.  The Sub and Dom thing pops into my head from time to time as well. Since accepting my bisexuality, it has changed me quiet a bit in the way I'm more confident, and the true me is slowly resurfacing. At 54 it's nearly too late, but  one never knows. I'm more a Dom now. But I'm not into any BDSM as such. In the past I was very submissive in many aspects of life. I'm not attracted to any person male or female that is more dominant in any way. The thought of taking a woman into my arms and making tender and sweet love to her until she begs for that final release just drives me crazy. It's taken me years to actually know what I want from sex. Making love for me is like merging into one's soul, into their mind and heart, as a Dom, It's my responsibility to take care of that and not abuse it in any way.  I guess it comes from being raped as a very shy 15 yer old. It destroyed my self esteem and left me very fragile.  I've only been with one woman and it was many moons ago. I really hope to do again some day. I'd love to get a chance to perfect my techniques. The thought of making love with a strap on is a turn on, but only giving it to her. Sounds weird in a way but I'm a giver more than anything. Even with a man, I love a guy who is gentle, romantic and like to let his woman take control.  Not many of those about worst luck, so I just dream on. 

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2 hours ago, Vampire said:

  I haven't posted here in quiet some time. I've put it back in Davy Jones's locker and try and forget it. But it finds a way to resurface now and then.  The Sub and Dom thing pops into my head from time to time as well. Since accepting my bisexuality, it has changed me quiet a bit in the way I'm more confident, and the true me is slowly resurfacing. At 54 it's nearly too late, but  one never knows. I'm more a Dom now. But I'm not into any BDSM as such. In the past I was very submissive in many aspects of life. I'm not attracted to any person male or female that is more dominant in any way. The thought of taking a woman into my arms and making tender and sweet love to her until she begs for that final release just drives me crazy. It's taken me years to actually know what I want from sex. Making love for me is like merging into one's soul, into their mind and heart, as a Dom, It's my responsibility to take care of that and not abuse it in any way.  I guess it comes from being raped as a very shy 15 yer old. It destroyed my self esteem and left me very fragile.  I've only been with one woman and it was many moons ago. I really hope to do again some day. I'd love to get a chance to perfect my techniques. The thought of making love with a strap on is a turn on, but only giving it to her. Sounds weird in a way but I'm a giver more than anything. Even with a man, I love a guy who is gentle, romantic and like to let his woman take control.  Not many of those about worst luck, so I just dream on. 

I completely understand how childhood rape can cause self esteem issues and insecurities. I’ve been there as well. Several times. I’ve never been 100% comfortable being intimate with anyone. I always have to have a tank top on during sex and I’m always worried how I look in different positions instead of just relaxing and enjoying the moment. At 47 and after gaining so much weight after having 3 cesarean sections I don’t feel sexy at all. I’ve never been one on one with a woman and as badly as I want to experience it I too think it’s too late in life for me. I applaud your courage in telling your story. 

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2 minutes ago, ElizabethG said:

I completely understand how childhood rape can cause self esteem issues and insecurities. I’ve been there as well. Several times. I’ve never been 100% comfortable being intimate with anyone. I always have to have a tank top on during sex and I’m always worried how I look in different positions instead of just relaxing and enjoying the moment. At 47 and after gaining so much weight after having 3 cesarean sections I don’t feel sexy at all. I’ve never been one on one with a woman and as badly as I want to experience it I too think it’s too late in life for me. I applaud your courage in telling your story. 

Thank You, It's easy to tell it but harder to do. 

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9 minutes ago, ElizabethG said:

I completely understand how childhood rape can cause self esteem issues and insecurities. I’ve been there as well. Several times. I’ve never been 100% comfortable being intimate with anyone. I always have to have a tank top on during sex and I’m always worried how I look in different positions instead of just relaxing and enjoying the moment. At 47 and after gaining so much weight after having 3 cesarean sections I don’t feel sexy at all. I’ve never been one on one with a woman and as badly as I want to experience it I too think it’s too late in life for me. I applaud your courage in telling your story. 

I'm a bit uncomfortable being with someone as well but when you find a woman who is really into you, it wont matter what you look like. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Real beauty is in your heart not your body. There's someone out there for you. We have to trust that.  

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51 minutes ago, Vampire said:

I'm a bit uncomfortable being with someone as well but when you find a woman who is really into you, it wont matter what you look like. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Real beauty is in your heart not your body. There's someone out there for you. We have to trust that.  

Excellent advice, @Vampire And your description of what being a dom means to you was beautiful as well.

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I feel like I am more of a sub just because I am very worried about taking the lead in sex because I might do something wrong or get laughed at. I don't think I could handle that very well.

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With my husband, def a sub. 

With a woman, I could be (and have been) both but prefer to be the dominant one. 

Do you think people tend to want to be the opposite of what they are in everyday life? 

Im pretty shy and polite irl but the thought of taking control with another woman has always really turned me on.    

Edited by dirtyshirt84
Hadn’t been approved?
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I am a dom, in pretty much everything I do. With that said, I'm not a rough dom, I just like to be in control. I like to give pleasure and be a tease.

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1 hour ago, EverlastingKiss said:

I am a dom, in pretty much everything I do. With that said, I'm not a rough dom, I just like to be in control. I like to give pleasure and be a tease.

Teasing is such a turn-on.:air_kiss:

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6 hours ago, ChemFem said:

Teasing is such a turn-on.:air_kiss:

Hmm it's my favorite part, the electricity, the falling off of a cliff type teasing is so tantalizing. The heart racing and goosebumps, I love all of it!

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I am definitely a Dom with men, I just love them begging and squirming for release. I haven't been with a lady yet, but I fantasize being a total sub. I want to be taken care of. 

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Definitely sub. 

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