ElizabethG

Dom or Sub

76 posts in this topic

53 minutes ago, Sithandra said:

Definitely Dom. I love to see, and hear her reactions to what I do. I love the sounds she makes, the expressions on her face, the way she thrashes, and  bucks,

Would you describe that once more, with additional detail?:air_kiss:

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Additional details.....Hmmmmm That almost belongs under the thread for stories

The sounds she makes...grunting, sobbing, whimpering, moaning, panting

The expressions....Shock, wonder, pleading, surprise...fear, when she wonders of she can really take this...joy when she discovers that she can

Tugging at the ropes, because she wonders if she can get loose, and needs to know that she can't, and straining at the ropes when the intensity overwhelms her.

 

That better?

 

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4 hours ago, Sithandra said:

Additional details.....Hmmmmm That almost belongs under the thread for stories

The sounds she makes...grunting, sobbing, whimpering, moaning, panting

The expressions....Shock, wonder, pleading, surprise...fear, when she wonders of she can really take this...joy when she discovers that she can

Tugging at the ropes, because she wonders if she can get loose, and needs to know that she can't, and straining at the ropes when the intensity overwhelms her.

 

That better?

 

Much better. :wub: I wouldn't object to a thread in fantasies and erotic stories though...

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Much better. :wub: I wouldn't object to a thread in fantasies and erotic stories though..

Be careful what you wish for. .

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1 hour ago, Sithandra said:

Be careful what you wish for. .

Oh dear. The way you say that, I half expect it to be followed up by "it's not a threat, it's a promise."

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I have always been dom, never had the slightest desire to sub. Nothing about the idea turns me on. (A number of men have tried but none have succeeded haha!) 

However, never having been with a woman, I feel slightly different about the dynamic. I still don’t get turned on by the idea of subbing to a woman, but I feel more ... vanilla, I guess? I think because it would be new to me, I’d probably want just to explore in general with her sexually in the vanilla sense before bringing D/s into it. 

Ive stopped identifying as dom now anyway and consider myself more as a ‘sadistic top’ if we have to have labels. Top because I don’t get turned on by ordering people around, more by doing things to them, haha, but I also want my partner to be happy and I have absolutely no problem with them requesting things or suggesting stuff they’d like to try. 

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In general I feel like I'm more submissive than dominant but my fantasies vary depending on the person I'm into. With a woman though I do enjoy the idea of being in control and witnessing her pleasure...

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Hubby likes when I get submissive with him. I only tend to do that when I’m super horny and can’t get enough of him. Funny thing is with women I’ve always been the aggressor if you will lol. If I’m super horny with a woman I’m very dominant and I haven’t had any complaints yet. So I guess I would be considered a switch but so far I’ve only been submissive with hubby and dominant with women. 

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On 10/14/2017 at 7:03 AM, Cute&Curious said:

I don't think I could be into hard core BDSM, but I like the idea of LIGHT Dom/sub scenarios. I think I'm more of a submissive, but I would also like to experience being more dominant. In my head, it would greatly depend on the person, I can't imagine being the more dominant partner with a man, obviously I'm more submissive by nature. I do like the idea of seducing a woman even more submissive than me, but it really depends on her. A woman who has more of a dominant demeanour, I couldn't imagine her any other way. I do find I'm drawn to dominance, not necessarily as it applies to Dom/sub scenarios....but I find powerful, confident women, who take control, very irresistible. 

I could have wrote this myself. 

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I'm definitely dominant. And now that I've really surveyed myself,  I cannot imagine being any other way. With women in particular, I love the idea of having her submit to my desires, so that I am pleased by pleasuring her. I'm not into restraints at all but a small example of one of my biggest fantasies is ordering her to masturbate for me and then devouring her until she screams & shakes. I've accomplished the second part before, but have yet to roleplay.

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I am a naturally very dominant person. I am the disciplinarian with my son, I am the strict one with rules and bedtimes. I am (was) the manager who takes no shit. And I can talk a BIG game about how I'll get what I want from you, however....I really, really enjoy submissive behavior. Like not in an abusive way, but to turn off my brain and turn on my sex drive and let my husband or some hot fucking chick use me and my body exactly how they want. Tell me they want to do to me, or what they want to watch me do to them....good lawd it's a turn on! I LOVE it when someone tells me what they me to do to them, or makes me do it.

I suppose I can go both ways, but being a sub is a much bigger turn on for me. If I know it's a turn on for someone else if I take control though, I will.

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I'm a switch and also depends on gender. I find with men I'm a lot more submissive. With women I definitely like to be in control, tie them up tease them etc. 

But I do also enjoy being submissive with a woman.

Just not dominate with a man under any circumstances and I'm not sure why :lol:

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Dominant 100%. I love it, I feel way more confident playing the part of the seducer, it's such a turn on. I should add I like a bit of a challenge with it, where I can't just rely just on my physical side. Being confident with women in bed comes naturally to me which was never the case with guys. 

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I watch L word and imagine I'm being a sub for Bette. I'd love to be dominated by a power lesbian like her. Haha

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I love to PRETEND like I'm dominate.... to use the first aspects of foreplay to decide when and how things will go but once things get heated up I want to be dominated. I want someone who pins me down or turns me over and tells me "no" when I try to boss them around. Give me a man or woman who can give in at first and then put me in my place and I'm weak at the knees. 

I have trouble with expressing this though. Anyone else feel like they  might like something similar? Or maybe is the opposite to me? :wink:

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Definitely switch ... generally had been more dom with women but have found I enjoy sub also.. it depends on the woman 

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It honestly depends. Sometimes, I'm so tired of making decisions and my brain is fried... I like being told "this is what you are doing, this is how you are doing it, now just get to it" And other times like being in charge, especially if I've been in a b*tch mood all day... I get to take out my frustrations and my partner enjoys me being bossy lol... But then there are times I'm like, let's just be together. No Dom, no sub, let's just be here in this moment together taking each other in and get lost in this time together, shut out the world and just be here for a few hours.

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I am a little/sub with Hubby.  I def would love to have a Dom gf (if I ever get the chance). Nothing too rough just like when someone takes control. 

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Bit of both. Just depends. After watching 5p shades i think about blindfolding and handcuffing my gf. Then eating whipped strawberries off her and feeding her among other things. I guess i am more kinky than i thought i was

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I keep seeing this topic pop up and I've carefully avoided responding, because:

Long ago on one of Shy's boards I had the temerity (another word for bad judgement), to say that I had no interest in Domme vs Sub, and I couldn't imagine why any other self respecting woman would either.  You might guess that the responses I got back were less than gentle, so I've been gun (pen?) shy ever since.

I thought I sorta knew what the words meant, but now I'm pretty sure I don't.  After reading the responses in this thread, it seems like some believe these terms imply BDSM.  Other's seem to equate Domme with the person who is taking the lead at any point (like the person driving the car), and Sub refers to the person being led (like the passenger in the car).  Certainly, if you google these terms you get some pretty imaginative and eye-opening lingerie options.

I didn't really care very much.  But recently I made a friend that cares more than I do, which makes me curious to find out more.

I'm tempted to start a thread:  "What are the Characteristics and Behaviour of a Domme, and a Sub" to clarify this confusion.  But I wonder if it's an appropriate move for the most ignorant among us.

Ame

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I think it's definitely a topic worth exploring to hear the perceptionsof others. For instance, I feel that I am definitely a domme, but I have no interest in what is typically termed a BDSM lifestyle. And even within that lifestyle, there are different levels ranging from quite light to very hardcore. I do think that there's a great misconception out there and would like to hear what others thoughts and experiences are. 

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I am also curious to hear from others. I have recently gotten some experience that makes these terms somehow clearer and muddier at the same time lol.

I've been with several women before. My role has almost always been the giver, top, butch, dominant, whatever you want to call it. But in pretty vanilla circumstances. No actual bdsm or 'true' dom/sub dynamic. But now, I've been dating a woman for a few months that really wants to be submissive in the bedroom in a way that I never considered before. I'm learning that there is a HUGE range of behavior and activity possible between 'vanilla' and extreme bdsm. How did I never know this world existed?? Haha I was always so dismissive of anything other than 'typical' lovemaking (and I realize how broad that can be as well, but hey). But holy shit, ladies! I am discovering a whole new world that is equal parts exhilarating and terrifying lol. Good stuff - the rush that I get when I know she wants to cum so bad yet won't until I say so. Her body shaking with the effort she makes to hold back. Refusing her again and again until she's pleading. Then, that release is so sweet! I suppose I would now term this kind of thing 'true' dom/sub play. I'm not just leading, I'm psychologically in control as well. This includes the parts where she is pleasuring me. She loves being told what to do and how to do it. But only in the bedroom which is just perfect for me. 

Scary stuff - pain, and figuring out how to be aggressively dom without being a jerk lol. I feel like I need to get to know her better before I can make many decisions on her behalf in the bedroom. She said that sometimes 'no' really means 'yes.' And she demonstrated different ways of saying no. That's a pretty fine line to tread and could be bad juju for sure if I was to misinterpret. As for pain, just a little biting and spanking so far but based on the effects, I think we both want to push the envelope a bit more. It's difficult though to know truly what you like until you try it. I just want to go super slow and not do anything to upset either of us. I like her a lot and want this relationship to last! I am learning though that I'm not a hard-core domme, and never will be. I will always favor sweet, tender lovemaking. But role-playing with the dom/sub dynamic definitely adds a whole new level to that connection with my partner. I guess I always thought that bdsm automatically meant some layer of disrespecting your partner. But in reality it can be very much the opposite. The type of trust and respect required to either give or take orders is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It's intense! As for pain, seriously, juussst the right amount at the right time.....fireworks.

 

Edited by Mandolin
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I've always been on the sub side, but think I'd like to be more switchy. 

3 hours ago, Mandolin said:

She said that sometimes 'no' really means 'yes.' And she demonstrated different ways of saying no. That's a pretty fine line to tread and could be bad juju for sure if I was to misinterpret. 

You are allowed to have your boundaries too, and knowing that you have consent without room for misinterpretation is a good boundary to have, for both your sakes.

A common way of handling that is a safeword - a word other than "no" or "stop", that isn't going to just accidentally come up. "Pineapple" or "sushi" or "lilac" or something. Or just "safeword". Some people use a stoplight system - green for "this is fine", yellow for "I'm not so sure about this/lighten up/back off", red for "stop".

You shouldn't have to interpret the nuances of how someone is saying "no". I agree that sounds dangerous.

Edited by moonbynight
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11 hours ago, Amethyst753 said:

I didn't really care very much.  But recently I made a friend that cares more than I do, which makes me curious to find out more.

I'm tempted to start a thread:  "What are the Characteristics and Behaviour of a Domme, and a Sub" to clarify this confusion.  But I wonder if it's an appropriate move for the most ignorant us. 

Hmm..Why not? Only the true sub and true domme (meaning in a strict sense) I presume, can give the most accurate answers. But this is very personal and I doubt that true sub women would come out that easy to post.  Maybe, who knows? I’m just assuming. :air_kiss:All the same, it’s very educational so yeah why not start a thread? Keep an eye on your inbox. You might receive lots of private answers:whistle:

 

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I've never been with anyone but I'm pretty sure I'm a sub. I would like it if someone else took the lead on things...plus I really really like being told I'm being good.

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