Spicysweet

Things have progressed quite a bit...

65 posts in this topic

1 hour ago, Spicysweet said:

This is good to hear. I really hope it works out this way. So far, it seems like we both want the same things, we have similar interests, similar values, similar lifestyles. I am amazed and excited that we found each other. We've been texting really regularly, and she is so sweet and sexy and smart. I can't wait to see her in person. I am dreaming about kissing her and playing with her hair, but telling myself we have to take it slow!! And, the aspect of our two guys makes things interesting. I hope we all get along and have a great time together, but it's hard to say!

So...I'm a little lost... Is this couple into swinging? If so, is that what you're planning to do...or do you really just want the woman to yourself ('cause that's what it sounds like)? If you actually just want a girlfriend (not her partner too), then how will the two guys fit in? 

If what you really want is a female lover, then there isn't any point in going down the swinging route (or other combinations involving male partners). That can end up being uncomfortable, unpleasant, or even worse a serious regret later on. (I know plenty of women who have gone down compromising routes to later regret it...for years, as it's one of those things you can never really get out of your mind.) I urged patience in getting to know that couple before...but now I'm urging patience in general, because it's definitely worth holding out for the right woman and situation. 

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6 hours ago, BenedettaC said:

So...I'm a little lost... Is this couple into swinging? If so, is that what you're planning to do...or do you really just want the woman to yourself ('cause that's what it sounds like)? If you actually just want a girlfriend (not her partner too), then how will the two guys fit in? 

If what you really want is a female lover, then there isn't any point in going down the swinging route (or other combinations involving male partners). That can end up being uncomfortable, unpleasant, or even worse a serious regret later on. (I know plenty of women who have gone down compromising routes to later regret it...for years, as it's one of those things you can never really get out of your mind.) I urged patience in getting to know that couple before...but now I'm urging patience in general, because it's definitely worth holding out for the right woman and situation. 

Thanks for the reality check, @BenedettaC. We do need to be clear about these things. I started a conversation with her tonight about what their specific desires are, and what ours are. It may turn out that those don't line up, but we can all still be friends. I feel like we can explore this as a possibility yet not close ourselves to other possibilities.

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11 hours ago, Spicysweet said:

Thanks for the reality check, @BenedettaC. We do need to be clear about these things. I started a conversation with her tonight about what their specific desires are, and what ours are. It may turn out that those don't line up, but we can all still be friends. I feel like we can explore this as a possibility yet not close ourselves to other possibilities.

It's far better to be clear from day 1, and not to get into any potentially compromising situations, because those can quickly get out of hand...

At the risk of being controversial (yet again), I should also point out that male influence in such situations can sometimes lead to women doing things that they wouldn't consider otherwise. Men can be very gung-ho generally, and particularly about sexual matters, which can lead to women feeling pressured or pushed in some way. There are plenty of examples of this on Shy, where male partners have 'encouraged' women to have sex with other women in front of them (in a seemingly beneficent way, but actually with their own ulterior motives), or to have a threesome, when that isn't what their female partner has actually wanted. (If that's what you really want, then go for it, but I'm talking about finding yourself in a situation that you haven't planned and really don't want.)

Back when I was in relationships with men, I frequently found myself in that kind of situation, because my male partners knew that I was bisexual and considered it an opportunity to have two women at once, or to watch two women having sex, and that usually signified the end of that relationship for me. Frankly, it got to be a real bore, and ultimately contributed to my decision to be with women only...and it's a common tale among bisexual women I know. I wasn't married to any of those men, and obviously being in a marriage or LTR with a man is a different dynamic, with different issues and aspirations, and so forth, but I just thought I ought to mention it, as you are venturing down an untrodden pathway and might find this advice useful. 

Edited by BenedettaC
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Nothing to see here,  folks. I thought I was in a different thread. 

Edited by N00Bi
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15 hours ago, N00Bi said:

Thought this would be the right place to post the link to a queer theology webinar I took part in today. There were lots of technical issues, but you can see most of the conversation. Hopefully,  the chat box that was going on during the webinar is visible so you can see some of the questions being asked and conversations going on throughout.

Queer Theology Faithful Sexuality webinar

Thanks for posting, but why here instead of its own topic?

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Holy crap! Wrong thread!

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39 minutes ago, N00Bi said:

Holy crap! Wrong thread!

Holy threadjack, Batman! Also you are now Batman. Congratulations.

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2 minutes ago, ChemFem said:

 

Edited by N00Bi
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Lol! Oops. 

 

Thanks for asking, @Confusedin2013!

It was a lovely time. She is a lovely woman. I don't know that I felt "sparks" or chemistry or anything, but maybe that will develop if we become friends first? We plan to do a double date with the guys soon and see how we all hit it off. We'll see. I don't feel super hopeful about it today, but I'm remaining open.

Edited by Spicysweet
Typo.
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1 hour ago, Spicysweet said:

Lol! Oops. 

 

Thanks for asking, @Confusedin2013!

It was a lovely time. She is a lovely woman. I don't know that I felt "sparks" or chemistry or anything, but maybe that will develop if we become friends first? We plan to do a double date with the guys soon and see how we all hit it off. We'll see. I don't feel super hopeful about it today, but I'm remaining open.

Sounds like you're positive in your outlook without being unrealistic. Keep it up!

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Up-ditty-date. We have continued texting pretty much daily, while dh and I have continued searching dating sites for any other possibilities. We also went to a "Lifestyle" club while we were out of town for our anniversary. Had fun people-watching and dancing, but definitely cemented the fact that we are not swingers. Lol.... But, we're still open to a relationship with a couple if it were to work well for all involved parties.

Our double date is tomorrow night. Sigh, We've been back and forth between optimism and pessimism regarding this situation. It really all hinges on the husband at this point, I suppose. Dh and I both like her pretty well and would be cool with moving forward with a relationship with her, but we just don't know how we'll get along with him. 

Dh is opening more and more to the idea of me starting a solo relationship with a woman, but he is still afraid of feeling left out, and he still wants any relationship I have to be open to the possibility of turning into a triad...IDK.

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Big, big update.

We had the double date. It was fun. Then I had a little day hang-out with just her, and she kissed me before I left. Then, she and I got together for wine and chocolate and had a nice evening, and as we were leaving, she snuck me into a dark corner to make out for a minute. Finally, we all 4 got together at their house and had dinner and drinks. We had talked before hand about the fact that I was not interested in being intimate with her husband, and we agreed that she and hubby wouldn't interact either to keep it fair. So, it was mostly she and I making out and a little bit more, with each of us interacting with our own husbands. Anyway, it all went OK, but after processing it a bit and thinking about whether I wanted it to go further, I realized I really didn't. So, we broke that off and kept looking...

Not too long after, we got back on Feeld and re-connected with the woman who had sent us nudes and then ghosted back at the beginning of all this... She gave us some excuse about how she'd gotten busy with work and then we were gone when she tried to get back in contact. About the same time, we also connected with this mystery woman who didn't have any face  pics on her profile but sounded just perfect. We started chatting with her, and she confided that she wasn't really on Feeld to find anyone, but that her pics were being used by someone to catfish people and she was trying to find out who. We continued chatting, and eventually, she sent us a picture...it was the face of the "woman" who had been sending us nudes! But this was really her! We were so shocked! So, somehow, we had matched with both this catfish using this beautiful woman's face, and the beautiful woman who is real and intelligent, and independent and AMAZING. So, as we keep chatting with her, we find out that she has been practicing open relationships and has three boyfriends, but has been wanting to explore with a woman, and is also open to dating couples. *Gasp!*

Fast forward a bit, we met her in person. She is just as amazing (if not more) as we imagined, she likes us both, she is open and honest, a great communicator, very nurturing,has great self-awareness and boundaries, and is SMOKIN' HOT. Like, literally, this woman is the manifestation of all of my hopes and dreams. But I'm not that excited... *blush.*

I had a one-on-one date with her the day after we all met, and OMG. We connected in such an amazing, intimate way. She is wise beyond her years, and just SO loving and thoughtful. We talked, she rubbed my back and my neck, she played with my hair, we held hands, and then she asked if it was too soon to kiss me. I said "no," and once we started, we didn't want to stop. OMG. It was amazing beyond belief. 

So. Today, hubby is on his first solo date with her. Just lunch at her house. Getting to know each other. Probably some kissing... This was hard for me for a minute, but in this moment, I am so happy. I want each of us to have an independent relationship with the other, as well as a three-way relationship. She wants this too. I am so hopeful and grateful for where we are headed. 

OK, that was a novel. I'll stop for now. :D

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On 12/26/2017 at 1:17 PM, Spicysweet said:

Big, big update.

We had the double date. It was fun. Then I had a little day hang-out with just her, and she kissed me before I left. Then, she and I got together for wine and chocolate and had a nice evening, and as we were leaving, she snuck me into a dark corner to make out for a minute. Finally, we all 4 got together at their house and had dinner and drinks. We had talked before hand about the fact that I was not interested in being intimate with her husband, and we agreed that she and hubby wouldn't interact either to keep it fair. So, it was mostly she and I making out and a little bit more, with each of us interacting with our own husbands. Anyway, it all went OK, but after processing it a bit and thinking about whether I wanted it to go further, I realized I really didn't. So, we broke that off and kept looking...

Not too long after, we got back on Feeld and re-connected with the woman who had sent us nudes and then ghosted back at the beginning of all this... She gave us some excuse about how she'd gotten busy with work and then we were gone when she tried to get back in contact. About the same time, we also connected with this mystery woman who didn't have any face  pics on her profile but sounded just perfect. We started chatting with her, and she confided that she wasn't really on Feeld to find anyone, but that her pics were being used by someone to catfish people and she was trying to find out who. We continued chatting, and eventually, she sent us a picture...it was the face of the "woman" who had been sending us nudes! But this was really her! We were so shocked! So, somehow, we had matched with both this catfish using this beautiful woman's face, and the beautiful woman who is real and intelligent, and independent and AMAZING. So, as we keep chatting with her, we find out that she has been practicing open relationships and has three boyfriends, but has been wanting to explore with a woman, and is also open to dating couples. *Gasp!*

Fast forward a bit, we met her in person. She is just as amazing (if not more) as we imagined, she likes us both, she is open and honest, a great communicator, very nurturing,has great self-awareness and boundaries, and is SMOKIN' HOT. Like, literally, this woman is the manifestation of all of my hopes and dreams. But I'm not that excited... *blush.*

I had a one-on-one date with her the day after we all met, and OMG. We connected in such an amazing, intimate way. She is wise beyond her years, and just SO loving and thoughtful. We talked, she rubbed my back and my neck, she played with my hair, we held hands, and then she asked if it was too soon to kiss me. I said "no," and once we started, we didn't want to stop. OMG. It was amazing beyond belief. 

So. Today, hubby is on his first solo date with her. Just lunch at her house. Getting to know each other. Probably some kissing... This was hard for me for a minute, but in this moment, I am so happy. I want each of us to have an independent relationship with the other, as well as a three-way relationship. She wants this too. I am so hopeful and grateful for where we are headed. 

OK, that was a novel. I'll stop for now. :D

Holy cow, HUGE update!!! Can’t wait to hear how it goes!

 

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Good for you! Hope she manages to track down the catfisher.

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