BiACO

In love with my lesbian boss. Looking for advice

34 posts in this topic

I'm an Animal Control Officer in love with my lesbian supervisor but I can't possibly tell her... I'm pretty sure there has been flirting back and forth and would like opinions as if that is true. We group text all day long to stay connected during the work day and Friday she was instantly responding to everything I texted. A sick sense of humor is necessary in our line of work. She laughed and responded to almost every text. I wonder if coworkers will start to notice. Last Wednesday night I was attacked by a vicious dog due to an incompetent Deputy. She responded to help me out immediately and told me I had to be seen by a doctor right away. I told her I just wanted to take a shower first and then I would go. She said " well then I'm going to have to come watch you shower and make sure you go".... That has got to be a sign she likes me right? I wish it wasn't so complicated! 

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First, welcome to the site!  Be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts.

It's hard to say just based on what you posted here, though her last comment would make me suspect it as well.  Is she flirty by nature?  Have you two every hung out outside of work?  Is she single?  Maybe see if you can get out of the work environment together.

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The situation you described sounds like it warranted genuine concern for your safety, so I wouldn't read too much into it. Like @BiTriMama said, you'll probably get a better sense by interacting with her outside of work.

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Thank you both so much! We have hung out outside of work twice. Once at an event for the animal shelter we work for and once she invited me to dinner with a few other people. I've only really known her since June. I've known of her and saw her occasionally for 2 years prior through my old job.  We have gone on ride alongs and will be spending next week together. She has made it a point to tell me she's single a few times and that she was always a lesbian that wanted kids. I have a 4 year old son, she tells me how awesome he is and how much she likes him often and on my Facebook posts. The night we went out to dinner she paid for me and shared her wine with me. I was on call over night and shouldn't have been drinking but she let me have some of hers.  We have another event coming up next weekend, I can't wait to see her at. Whatever it is, I have never been so excited to go to work everyday! Hahaha! I'm going to guess I should just let whatever happen develop over time? She is not the type to rush into anything! 

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11 minutes ago, BiACO said:

Thank you both so much! We have hung out outside of work twice. Once at an event for the animal shelter we work for and once she invited me to dinner with a few other people. I've only really known her since June. I've known of her and saw her occasionally for 2 years prior through my old job.  We have gone on ride alongs and will be spending next week together. She has made it a point to tell me she's single a few times and that she was always a lesbian that wanted kids. I have a 4 year old son, she tells me how awesome he is and how much she likes him often and on my Facebook posts. The night we went out to dinner she paid for me and shared her wine with me. I was on call over night and shouldn't have been drinking but she let me have some of hers.  We have another event coming up next weekend, I can't wait to see her at. Whatever it is, I have never been so excited to go to work everyday! Hahaha! I'm going to guess I should just let whatever happen develop over time? She is not the type to rush into anything! 

The fact that she likes your son is wonderful! With the added information it sounds more likely that she is interested in you. Not rushing is a good idea. Good luck!

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It's not very often I say this regarding coworkers/boss-employee relationships, in fact I don't think I've ever said it was a good idea on here before! But based on what you've written and how you two get along, I'd definitely put yourself out there and open up a little. State that you like her and see how it goes. Obviously, it is a risk but she seems friendly and professional and like you two could work things out even if she wasn't interested... 

It's nice to have someone you get along with and makes you feel good. After a small, but clear sign of interest, I'd pretty much say something along the lines of the ball is in your court, or where it goes is up to you etc. That way, she can get comfortable with the possibility and set the pace. You seem pretty realistic about it and it's a huge bonus she wants and likes children.. 

Bottom line: Enjoy getting to know her! :)

Edited by Hungry
SPACES
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Thank you Hungry! I have not been in the dating game for some time now. I am a huge flirt but not confident in realizing when I'm being flirted with. I know so confusing. She teases me a lot and I give it right back. She has also hit me when joking about something and we were in the same room. I've never seen her do that to anyone else. The eye contact is serious. We were having a conversation and stopped talking and locked eyes for a good 15 seconds then continued talking about the subject. She has shared so much personal information with me. This is all flirtatious behavior yes? I once told her she was my Idol... I don't know if this was a bad idea but I'm so impatient. I want her to know how I feel but I don't want to screw anything up. That's what I came up with. It is true because she is amazing at what she does and this job is what I want to retire doing. Why does she have to be my boss!?! Haha

Edited by BiACO
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2 minutes ago, BiACO said:

Thank you Hungry! I have not been in the dating game for some time now. I am a huge flirt but not confident in realizing when I'm being flirted with. I know so confusing. She teases me a lot and I give it right back. She has also hit me when joking about something and we were in the same room. I've never seen her do that to anyone else. The eye contact is serious. We were having a conversation and stopped talking and locked eyes for a good 15 seconds then continued talking about the subject. She has shared so much personal information with me. This is all flirtatious behavior yes? 

Pretty much, some of it could just a very intense friendship but given that you know she likes women and is very honest and open with you.. there's definitely something there. It might be that she assumes you're not interested and just friendly and therefore it brightens her day. I'm glad she isn't doing this with other women in the workplace, that'd be unprofessional and a bad sign - you seem catious enough to know not to get ahead of yourself, but I'd definitely put it out there.

PS. Eye contact is huge and let's be honest - REALLY HOT :D Eye contact is the best way to show someone you're interested on any level and it seems like you two are nailing it!

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Eye contact is super hot and I'm pretty good at it! Hahaha I'm going to continue to take it slow but it is so nice to have this forum and people to help confirm what I was unsure of! I'm also much hotter than her ex so that makes me feel like I have a chance! Hahaha Unless she isn't into feminine girls which could be a game ender. I am so used to just full force going for what I want and I'm not wanting to ruin this one so impulses controlled for now! You ladies are awesome! Thank you so much for all your advice!!!

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2 hours ago, BiACO said:

Eye contact is super hot and I'm pretty good at it! Hahaha I'm going to continue to take it slow but it is so nice to have this forum and people to help confirm what I was unsure of! I'm also much hotter than her ex so that makes me feel like I have a chance! Hahaha Unless she isn't into feminine girls which could be a game ender. I am so used to just full force going for what I want and I'm not wanting to ruin this one so impulses controlled for now! You ladies are awesome! Thank you so much for all your advice!!!

Has she said anything to suggest she isn't into feminine girls? If not I wouldn't worry about it. Besides given your job you seem to be on the tough side of femme anyways. ;)

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She hasn't mentioned she is or isn't into feminine girls and I am pretty tough but still like my hair done, eye brows done and make up on. We have run a couple work errands together and she has asked me if I'm into a couple masquline women we have seen out,  jokingly I think... Is that flirting when you're asked if you're into another girl while you're out with the one you want!?? I've always said no I like a feminine girl. She doesn't wear make up to work but always has her hair and eyebrows done. I'm an ass girl and love a woman in uniform! She's just got it all! Haha

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2 minutes ago, BiACO said:

She hasn't mentioned she is or isn't into feminine girls and I am pretty tough but still like my hair done, eye brows done and make up on. We have run a couple work errands together and she has asked me if I'm into a couple masquline women we have seen out,  jokingly I think... Is that flirting when you're asked if you're into another girl while you're out with the one you want!?? I've always said no I like a feminine girl. She doesn't wear make up to work but always has her hair and eyebrows done. I'm an ass girl and love a woman in uniform! She's just got it all! Haha

Yeah asking what type of woman you like is pretty flirty. She was probably saying less about her preferences and more trying to gauge your interest in her.

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I agree about making a bold statement and letting it go from there.  That's how my last two relationships started- they both made very clear proposals to me, and gave me the opportunity to take them up on it or not.  The second time I had time to mull it over, which I needed, but I am so glad I chose to take her up on it!  Make a statement where your intentions are very clear, and that it's up to her to take you up on it or not.  Make it clear you can hear no, if that's the case, especially since you work together.

Just because someone isn't someone's type doesn't mean they will automatically be ruled out.  My GF now isn't someone I would have said was my type before.  Every time I think I have a type, someone comes along who totally bunks that!

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36 minutes ago, BiTriMama said:

I agree about making a bold statement and letting it go from there.  That's how my last two relationships started- they both made very clear proposals to me, and gave me the opportunity to take them up on it or not.  The second time I had time to mull it over, which I needed, but I am so glad I chose to take her up on it!  Make a statement where your intentions are very clear, and that it's up to her to take you up on it or not.  Make it clear you can hear no, if that's the case, especially since you work together.

Just because someone isn't someone's type doesn't mean they will automatically be ruled out.  My GF now isn't someone I would have said was my type before.  Every time I think I have a type, someone comes along who totally bunks that!

I am so nervous to ask her out or tell her with words how I feel. Flirting just comes so much more natural to me. She told me once when I mentioned that something was awkward, that she makes everything awkward. I just think she isn't going to be the aggressor and I'm going to have to suck it up and do it but maybe I'll give it a bit more time. 

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14 hours ago, BiACO said:

I am so nervous to ask her out or tell her with words how I feel. Flirting just comes so much more natural to me. She told me once when I mentioned that something was awkward, that she makes everything awkward. I just think she isn't going to be the aggressor and I'm going to have to suck it up and do it but maybe I'll give it a bit more time. 

More time is probably a good idea. Just don't fall into the trap of putting it off forever.

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7 hours ago, ChemFem said:

More time is probably a good idea. Just don't fall into the trap of putting it off forever.

I don't think I would or could put it off forever... God I'm so into her!! Anyways today I said something funny as usual cause I'm a regular comedian and she slapped my arm so hard( I can still hear it)and laughed! I loved every minute of it. If only she would just say something first... Since she's the boss and all!! 

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2 hours ago, BiACO said:

I don't think I would or could put it off forever... God I'm so into her!! Anyways today I said something funny as usual cause I'm a regular comedian and she slapped my arm so hard( I can still hear it)and laughed! I loved every minute of it. If only she would just say something first... Since she's the boss and all!! 

Actually the fact that she's the boss may make her more hesitant. She may feel that if she makes the first move it puts you in an awkward position where you are pressured to say yes to keep your job, even if you aren't really interested. If you initiate it's more clear to everyone that this is consensual rather than an abuse of her power.

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1 hour ago, ChemFem said:

Actually the fact that she's the boss may make her more hesitant. She may feel that if she makes the first move it puts you in an awkward position where you are pressured to say yes to keep your job, even if you aren't really interested. If you initiate it's more clear to everyone that this is consensual rather than an abuse of her power.

Oh... Well that makes way more sense then I want it to... And the ball is back in my court. From all of what in describing it sounds like she is into me, yes?? People just don't go hitting people they don't like right? I'd like to be as sure as possible before I make a fool of myself! Damn the stress!!

Edited by BiACO
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9 hours ago, BiACO said:

Oh... Well that makes way more sense then I want it to... And the ball is back in my court. From all of what in describing it sounds like she is into me, yes?? People just don't go hitting people they don't like right? I'd like to be as sure as possible before I make a fool of myself! Damn the stress!!

There are no absolute guarantees that she likes you until you ask, but it sounds like at minimum she wouldn't hold it against you.

Leaving aside for a moment my inner cautious Vulcan that qualifies everything: Yeah from what you've said it sounds like she's into you.

 

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22 hours ago, ChemFem said:

Actually the fact that she's the boss may make her more hesitant. She may feel that if she makes the first move it puts you in an awkward position where you are pressured to say yes to keep your job, even if you aren't really interested. If you initiate it's more clear to everyone that this is consensual rather than an abuse of her power.

THIS is a very salient point.  I think it falls on you, OP!

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On October 29, 2017 at 11:17 AM, BiACO said:

Eye contact is super hot and I'm pretty good at it! Hahaha I'm going to continue to take it slow but it is so nice to have this forum and people to help confirm what I was unsure of! I'm also much hotter than her ex so that makes me feel like I have a chance! Hahaha Unless she isn't into feminine girls which could be a game ender. I am so used to just full force going for what I want and I'm not wanting to ruin this one so impulses controlled for now! You ladies are awesome! Thank you so much for all your advice!!!

You go girl.. I'm sexy and I know it.. Lol good luck Hun 

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So tonight I am on call for emergencies only. I get a call and it's bad, so I call her to make sure things are going how they're supposed to you know cause she's my supervisor not just because I wanted to talk to her! Hahaha anyways she says teasing " I'm just relaxing at home with my wine, spaghetti and witches fingers( green crescent rolls shaped like fingers) You want to come over and have some?" Hell yeah I do but I'm working! :( step in the right direction even if it was just a tease! She said she would save me some for tomorrow!! Then she said make sure you text me when you are done and out of there to know you're safe! OMG you guys Im like a little high school girl with a crush! ;D

Edited by BiACO
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6 hours ago, BiACO said:

So tonight I am on call for emergencies only. I get a call and it's bad, so I call her to make sure things are going how they're supposed to you know cause she's my supervisor not just because I wanted to talk to her! Hahaha anyways she says teasing " I'm just relaxing at home with my wine, spaghetti and witches fingers( green crescent rolls shaped like fingers) You want to come over and have some?" Hell yeah I do but I'm working! :( step in the right direction even if it was just a tease! She said she would save me some for tomorrow!! Then she said make sure you text me when you are done and out of there to know you're safe! OMG you guys Im like a little high school girl with a crush! ;D

Anytime someone wants a text to make sure I arrived home safe it's super sweet regardless of intent.

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Ok tell her to save you a couple and you be over to eat them tomorrow and some wine would be nice to wash them down.. U gotta be bold.. 

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1 minute ago, SimplyTrouble said:

Ok tell her to save you a couple and you be over to eat them tomorrow and some wine would be nice to wash them down.. U gotta be bold.. 

...you gotta be bad, you gotta be wiser

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