Curious Jane

Not Again

35 posts in this topic

Someone please smack me hard enough to shake off this new attraction I have.  I don't even remember how long it has been since I posted about the never-ending episode with my friend/coworker, and I thought I was doing such a good job at not "catching feelings" since all of that has happened.  I am trying so hard to ignore this current...situation. But I just need to get this off my chest because I don't have anyone to confide in. 

(Some info has been changed to ease my paranoia.)

You know when it's going to happen. As soon as you make eye contact,  a warmth glides over every inch of your skin. It doesn't start in any particular place. You're just...immediately encased in whatever magic happens in that first moment of attraction.  It's not love...at least not at first. It's not even sexual...at first.  You can't put your finger on it, but there isn't any doubt that something inside you has been stirred and there is no way of shutting it down.

This time, I've found myself enamored with my college instructor.  I am taking classes, at the college in which I'm employed,  to brush up on some skills, and here I am, the pupil of one of the most lovely ladies I have ever met.

Do I think she is attracted to me? No, but there is always that glimmer of hope that I have been successful at pushing away. Well, until recently.

Before I  entered her classroom, I had heard great things about her, but I had never met her.  I didn't know what she looked like until that first day of class.  But then we met. And the moment she spoke, I knew I was in for a battle. A battle with my feelings.  It all comes back to that "eye contact thing".  Do you know what I am talking about? It's that stare that lasts a few more seconds than it should. It leaves you wondering, "What did she see that kept her attention?" 

Ugh, but then again...how many times has this played out unfavorably for me? How many times have a I read into things that just aren't there? Too many. 

I need to get back to work, but I will most likely write again.  

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Hoo boy. In cases where I am not in frequent contact with the person, it sometimes helps if I list the particular qualities I admire about them. That gives a concrete sense of what aspects of them I like, rather than just nebulous butterflies in the stomach.

Is it a large lecture class or something smaller and discussion based? That will at least in part determine what you're in for now. I wouldn't read too much into the eye contact. That's just good pedagogy and an antidote to mumbling into the blackboard.

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It's a smaller business class.  I wish it were bigger. Then I could just hide out in the back.

In the beginning, I took the frequent eye contact as what you said - pedagogy - and just the way an instructor checks for understanding.

At first, I wouldn't think about her all the time. I would just look forward to class.  And it was never  a "I can't wait to be near you because I'm so obsessed with you" thing. It's a "Wow. You are such a wonderful person and I wish I could get to know you better" thing. 

But there was this moment last night. She stood at the door as we walked in, and it was the closest I have been to her physically. I smiled and looked at her as I walked past. She didn't smile, but had a look on her face as if she noticed something about me for the first time.  Soon after,, she made an out-of-place comment of, "You all are a good-looking class." Now, I don't feel attractive lately. I've gained some weight and don't really keep up with my hair and makeup, so I don't know why she would have made such a comment with myself in mind.  But damnit, after that look, I couldn't help but wonder. 

I also saw her today while I was getting lunch in town.  She was with a group of friends and she either didn't notice me or ignored me. So, that shot things down a notch, which is probably good.

Ugh...i just need to stop it. 

Side note: I think she is about 10-12 years older than me because she kind of dated herself one time she she was talking about who was president when she was in college.  I am 37 (Surprise, right? This probably sounds like a post from a teenager), so she is either in her late 40s or early 50s. She is also married (as am I.) I don't know why I just told you all of that. 

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22 minutes ago, Curious Jane said:

It's a smaller business class.  I wish it were bigger. Then I could just hide out in the back.

In the beginning, I took the frequent eye contact as what you said - pedagogy - and just the way an instructor checks for understanding.

At first, I wouldn't think about her all the time. I would just look forward to class.  And it was never  a "I can't wait to be near you because I'm so obsessed with you" thing. It's a "Wow. You are such a wonderful person and I wish I could get to know you better" thing. 

But there was this moment last night. She stood at the door as we walked in, and it was the closest I have been to her physically. I smiled and looked at her as I walked past. She didn't smile, but had a look on her face as if she noticed something about me for the first time.  Soon after,, she made an out-of-place comment of, "You all are a good-looking class." Now, I don't feel attractive lately. I've gained some weight and don't really keep up with my hair and makeup, so I don't know why she would have made such a comment with myself in mind.  But damnit, after that look, I couldn't help but wonder. 

I also saw her today while I was getting lunch in town.  She was with a group of friends and she either didn't notice me or ignored me. So, that shot things down a notch, which is probably good.

Ugh...i just need to stop it. 

Side note: I think she is about 10-12 years older than me because she kind of dated herself one time she she was talking about who was president when she was in college.  I am 37 (Surprise, right? This probably sounds like a post from a teenager), so she is either in her late 40s or early 50s. She is also married (as am I.) I don't know why I just told you all of that. 

It's helpful context. If the interest was mutual she would probably have gréeted you or at least made eye contact when you saw her during lunch. The way you describe your feelings towards her sounds positive. "I wish I could get to know you better" still works in a context of platonic admiration and it will probably mellow out in time.

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11 hours ago, Curious Jane said:

You know when it's going to happen. As soon as you make eye contact,  a warmth glides over every inch of your skin. It doesn't start in any particular place. You're just...immediately encased in whatever magic happens in that first moment of attraction.  It's not love...at least not at first. It's not even sexual...at first.  You can't put your finger on it, but there isn't any doubt that something inside you has been stirred and there is no way of shutting it down.

Ahh yes. I perfectly remember this feeling. The eye contact cannot be explained. I swear that my experience of this magic was like the world stopped. I do not remember a single time I had it with men. It's an unbelievable feeling.  Mine's a lot younger but I didn't know that until I did my research. 

 

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On 31/10/2017 at 9:46 PM, Curious Jane said:

You know when it's going to happen. As soon as you make eye contact,  a warmth glides over every inch of your skin. It doesn't start in any particular place. You're just...immediately encased in whatever magic happens in that first moment of attraction.  It's not love...at least not at first. It's not even sexual...at first.  You can't put your finger on it, but there isn't any doubt that something inside you has been stirred and there is no way of shutting it down.

 It all comes back to that "eye contact thing".  Do you know what I am talking about? It's that stare that lasts a few more seconds than it should. It leaves you wondering, "What did she see that kept her attention?" 

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about, and like @blueberrysaid, I don't ever remember experiencing it with a man.That lingering look, as if time stops for a moment while that warm feeling washes over you and you try and figure out if they're feeling the same thing, and really hoping they are.

I'm usually quite happy making eye contact with people but when I catch someone that gives me that rush I can become shy and embarrassed and can feel myself blushing every time I see them after that. It doesn't stop me doing it though cos it still feels good and I think if you don't show you're interested then nothing will ever happen. 

Be confident, keep showing you're interested in her and she will probably pick up on it, hopefully. How does she act towards others? If the eye contact continues and it's not something she does with others in the class then there's a glimmer of hope there. Maybe something will develop over time, if the opportunity presents itself. But if nothing happens then it's probably not meant to be. For now, enjoy the eye contact and the wonderful, if not a little painful, feelings it brings you in the process. 

Edited by lsroses
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I actually don't want to show that I am interested. I just want to run the other way lol. If I didn't need the class for my job, I would withdraw. 

There is a class tonight and I am just going to stare at my notes the whole time lol.

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1 hour ago, Curious Jane said:

I actually don't want to show that I am interested. I just want to run the other way lol. If I didn't need the class for my job, I would withdraw. 

There is a class tonight and I am just going to stare at my notes the whole time lol.

Don't let it distract you too much from the class itself. I actually ended up failing a class because I had a crush on the TA and one on one time was awkward so I avoided office hours like the plague even though I needed assistance.

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1 hour ago, ChemFem said:

Don't let it distract you too much from the class itself. I actually ended up failing a class because I had a crush on the TA and one on one time was awkward so I avoided office hours like the plague even though I needed assistance.

@ChemFem My teacher crushes had completely the opposite effect. I excelled in those classes cos they had my full attention! 

@Curious Jane sounds like you're struggling with this. I hope you can still enjoy the class and get through it. If you don't want to show you're interested then keeping your head down is probably the best thing and hopefully it will get easier for you.

Keep us posted!

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Walked into class. First one there even though I tried to get there as late as possible without actually being tardy. Try to pick a seat a little far away. She starts talking to me about how hardly anyone was showing up for classes today. I can barely muster to speak. Just smile and give light-hearted laughs.

Then she begins to walk over to me. No! What the fuck. I kind of freeze and must have been visibly nervous because she picked up an information sheet and said, with a reassuring tone, "I was just going to give this to you. I wasn't sure you had it," 

I was thinking, I could have just made two steps and got it myself if you just pointed it out. Now I look mental and uncomposed! Lol

The rest of class was fine.  She is just an incredibly wonderful person...well, this side that she allows to be seen. It's an incredible side, though. 

I seem to become attracted to people who are intellectual and intelligent and have a reason to be pretentious about it, but are absolutely humble and approachable.  Okay, maybe everyone is attracted to peope like that.

Edited by Curious Jane
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It's a hard fact. we often have strong feelings of attraction that aren't reciprocated. We're not sure if the person would consider our feelings to even be appropriate, and we're fearful of how they;ll react if we reveal them. Maybe they will no longer look at us the same way again. So we're left with feelings we're afraid even to share. It's giddy, it's beautiful, and it sucks.

If you choose to reveal your feelings to her, then at least wait until the class is over. She might consider it unethical to be involved in a relationship with a student. So I wouldn't open up to her right now, but when it's over, when the class has ended and the grades are all totaled, you can ask her out for coffee without her feeling conflicted about the ethics of what she's doing. You can at least tell her how much the class meant to you, and perhaps more than that. You'll be taking a risk, but once the class is ended you won't be asking her to take the professional risk that would come with seeing a student outside of class. For now, enjoy your feelings.  Later, tell her that she's been a wonderful teacher, because wonderful teachers deserve to hear that. And maybe consider asking her for coffee, or some such. (Or even drinks.) And after that, you'll have to play it by ear.

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@Sithandra We are totally on the same wavelength when it comes to the ethical aspect. 

It's just that...I don't want to go there at all.  I had three "confess my feelings" experiences and all ended in heartbreak and disappointment, with one ending in a complete disaster.  Not to mention the feeling of "emotionally cheating" on my husband. 

I just want to walk out of this, this time, with the other person not knowing.  That's the easy part compared to the other thing: stopping these damn feelings from growing.

I swore that I would just let it be, not do anything different, and not do anything to increase the delusion of thinking she might be a tiny bit interested. 

But I fucking curled my hair and touched up my makeup before class today.  It's like I'm a high school girl again...wtf.

Besides, she is way out of my league. She runs marathons, she is a math whiz, and she has a golden personality. 

To make things worse tonight, I was the only one who showed up for class.  It's a satellite class so there are some students in person and two other classes are connected via video conference.  I was the only one in the room with her physically.

We made small talk while we waited for start time and I was trying extra hard to act like myself. I think I did a pretty good job lol. But during the lecture, I keep focusing on her voice more than what she is saying and I become lost...then I feel like an idiot when she picks up on that (as she should as my instructor.)  

What's more is that she teaches the next course I need to take for next semester. 

Ugh...I am sitting here in the campus parking lot typing this. I better go before she walks out and I feel like a stalker. 

 

Edited by Curious Jane
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On 11/1/2017 at 10:59 AM, lsroses said:

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about, and like @blueberrysaid, I don't ever remember experiencing it with a man.That lingering look, as if time stops for a moment while that warm feeling washes over you and you try and figure out if they're feeling the same thing, and really hoping they are.

I'm usually quite happy making eye contact with people but when I catch someone that gives me that rush I can become shy and embarrassed and can feel myself blushing every time I see them after that. It doesn't stop me doing it though cos it still feels good and I think if you don't show you're interested then nothing will ever happen. 

Be confident, keep showing you're interested in her and she will probably pick up on it, hopefully. How does she act towards others? If the eye contact continues and it's not something she does with others in the class then there's a glimmer of hope there. Maybe something will develop over time, if the opportunity presents itself. But if nothing happens then it's probably not meant to be. For now, enjoy the eye contact and the wonderful, if not a little painful, feelings it brings you in the process. 

You asked, "How does she act toward others?"

I didn't want to answer because I knew it would set me off further down the path of faulty judgement. 

She doesn't hold eye contact with others in the room. She glances about, but pauses when she gets to me.  Like I said, she is probably trying to determine if I understand everything. Maybe I have a look my face that says, "Shit, I'm lost" or something. 

For a couple of days we had to use a different and much larger classroom.  I sat on the opposite side of the room from her. The are screens on either side of the room that show what she is writing.  I thought it would be more comfortable for her to look at the screen furthest from me,  but she looked at the other screen, where I would be in her view.

The next day, I sat on the other side of the room, the side she was on.  There was a student who was sitiing in the seat I was in the prior day.  The instructor  was in the same place, but she put her focus on the other screen, directly behind me, this time.  If she used the same screen as she did the prior day, I wouldn't have been in her view.

It could mean absolutely nothing. It just feels like, the more I try to avoid her, the more it happens.

But...

This is something that got me into trouble with a supervisor at my prior job. I read her nervous nature and frequent eye contact all wrong. When I quit the job, I wrote her a letter of praise for her managerial expertise and flat out told her that I had a girl crush on her.  To my surprise she ended up friending me on Facebook the same night.  Well, it was driving me crazy that I still wasn't sure if she was interested, so I sent her an anonymous text through one of those free text apps.. I was trying to, rather foolishly and creepily, see if I could get her to talk about, well...me..  It went all wrong. I had some big life changes come up, so I was very depressed when this happened. It was the kind of depression that keeps you in a stupor  and hinders your judgement.  In the end, she blocked me on Facebook and I am sure a lot of people at my old job have heard about it.

So...I am just trying to behave like a normal human being.  I don't want to freak her out. I don't want to make her uncomfortable.  I don't want to pursue something that will just end badly.  I just wish I didn't feel this way.

 

 

 

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Aww. I feel for you. My crushes are even worse in that they have always been on really close friends. I guess at least take solace in the fact that you maybe mess up situations which were not necessarily meant to be... I.e. they started as acquaintances and never became more. I think that’s at least safer than messing up friendships.

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11 minutes ago, Ona said:

Aww. I feel for you. My crushes are even worse in that they have always been on really close friends. I guess at least take solace in the fact that you maybe mess up situations which were not necessarily meant to be... I.e. they started as acquaintances and never became more. I think that’s at least safer than messing up friendships.

Oh I wish that were the case. My best friend and I had some craziness happen.

Then there was a coworker whom I absolutely adored. She became a very close friend and we spent quite a lot of time together.  I told her I had feelings for her after almost a year of agonizing over it. It didn't end in an awful way, but it didn't go anywhere either lol.

But yes, at least in this current case of a bad crush, I can keep her at a distance.  

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7 hours ago, Curious Jane said:

You asked, "How does she act toward others?"

I didn't want to answer because I knew it would set me off further down the path of faulty judgement. 

She doesn't hold eye contact with others in the room. She glances about, but pauses when she gets to me.  Like I said, she is probably trying to determine if I understand everything. Maybe I have a look my face that says, "Shit, I'm lost" or something. 

...

It could mean absolutely nothing. It just feels like, the more I try to avoid her, the more it happens.

 

 

You avoiding her may be causing her to think you don't understand the material, as that's a more common cause of instructor avoidance than what you're experiencing.

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1 hour ago, ChemFem said:

You avoiding her may be causing her to think you don't understand the material, as that's a more common cause of instructor avoidance than what you're experiencing.

True. Good point. 

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I think things have calmed down with me.  Life has been so busy that I didn't have time to slow down and really think about what was going on.

I've realized that a huge part of my worries just come from anxiety. 

I read back through my posts, thought back to all of my encounters with the instructor, and I am pretty sure that I was letting anxiety get the best of me. Since I've had such sad/bad outcomes in the past with these attractions, I was getting ahead of myself and letting worry consume me.

 

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On 07/11/2017 at 5:05 PM, Curious Jane said:

You asked, "How does she act toward others?"

I didn't want to answer because I knew it would set me off further down the path of faulty judgement. 

She doesn't hold eye contact with others in the room. She glances about, but pauses when she gets to me.  Like I said, she is probably trying to determine if I understand everything. Maybe I have a look my face that says, "Shit, I'm lost" or something. 

For a couple of days we had to use a different and much larger classroom.  I sat on the opposite side of the room from her. The are screens on either side of the room that show what she is writing.  I thought it would be more comfortable for her to look at the screen furthest from me,  but she looked at the other screen, where I would be in her view.

The next day, I sat on the other side of the room, the side she was on.  There was a student who was sitiing in the seat I was in the prior day.  The instructor  was in the same place, but she put her focus on the other screen, directly behind me, this time.  If she used the same screen as she did the prior day, I wouldn't have been in her view.

It could mean absolutely nothing. It just feels like, the more I try to avoid her, the more it happens.

But...

This is something that got me into trouble with a supervisor at my prior job. I read her nervous nature and frequent eye contact all wrong. When I quit the job, I wrote her a letter of praise for her managerial expertise and flat out told her that I had a girl crush on her.  To my surprise she ended up friending me on Facebook the same night.  Well, it was driving me crazy that I still wasn't sure if she was interested, so I sent her an anonymous text through one of those free text apps.. I was trying to, rather foolishly and creepily, see if I could get her to talk about, well...me..  It went all wrong. I had some big life changes come up, so I was very depressed when this happened. It was the kind of depression that keeps you in a stupor  and hinders your judgement.  In the end, she blocked me on Facebook and I am sure a lot of people at my old job have heard about it.

So...I am just trying to behave like a normal human being.  I don't want to freak her out. I don't want to make her uncomfortable.  I don't want to pursue something that will just end badly.  I just wish I didn't feel this way.

 

 

 

Sure, I can see why you wouldn't want to answer that question and go there with your thoughts. 

I think it's sensible to assume that she is making sure that you're following the course and aren't lost, rather than thinking there's more to it, at least while you're getting through the lessons.

I'm just sorry you're feeling so down about things and hope it gets easier for you. Crushes are uncontrollable and sometimes painful, sadly.

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Curious Jane wrote:

Quote

Besides, she is way out of my league. She runs marathons, she is a math whiz, and she has a golden personality.

OK, now I'm going to take you to task here, just a little. Not much. I don't know what your "league" is. Maybe you don't either.  But I would say to you that you shouldn't be afraid to reach above your league, whatever you think your league is. because if you don't reach above it, you'll never really know. I don't want you to be rejected. But I do want you to reach up to, and that includes date up to your full potential, whatever that is. Sometimes that means taking a risk.  Have confidence, whatever you eventually decide to do. I know it's easier for me to say than it is for you to do. But whether you ever decide to approach her or not, I do hope that  you will be brave enough, and confident enough to try, if you decide that you want to.

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2 hours ago, Sithandra said:

Curious Jane wrote:

OK, now I'm going to take you to task here, just a little. Not much. I don't know what your "league" is. Maybe you don't either.  But I would say to you that you shouldn't be afraid to reach above your league, whatever you think your league is. because if you don't reach above it, you'll never really know. I don't want you to be rejected. But I do want you to reach up to, and that includes date up to your full potential, whatever that is. Sometimes that means taking a risk.  Have confidence, whatever you eventually decide to do. I know it's easier for me to say than it is for you to do. But whether you ever decide to approach her or not, I do hope that  you will be brave enough, and confident enough to try, if you decide that you want to.

A round of applause for this advice! It is so easy to constrain your own sense of self-worth until the fact that somebody reciprocated your affections is a point against them. It can also be an inspiration to better yourself so that you can move into her league.

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15 hours ago, Sithandra said:

Curious Jane wrote:

OK, now I'm going to take you to task here, just a little. Not much. I don't know what your "league" is. Maybe you don't either.  But I would say to you that you shouldn't be afraid to reach above your league, whatever you think your league is. because if you don't reach above it, you'll never really know. I don't want you to be rejected. But I do want you to reach up to, and that includes date up to your full potential, whatever that is. Sometimes that means taking a risk.  Have confidence, whatever you eventually decide to do. I know it's easier for me to say than it is for you to do. But whether you ever decide to approach her or not, I do hope that  you will be brave enough, and confident enough to try, if you decide that you want to.

If it were 4-5 years ago, I'd probably have the confidence to at least do some very light flirting.  I was in better physical shape and my confidence was stronger.

I would still be intimidated by her intelligence, though. I feel like I am a profound thinker, but it's evident that her ability to communicate her thoughts and perceptions is on a greater, deeper level.  

I also can be awkwardly shy. I communicate best through written word, but I second guess everything that comes out of my mouth when speak -- especially when I am with people I don't know very well.  So, to avoid that anxiety, I just don't talk.

 

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Class last night was interesting.  

I emailed her to let her know I might be late & asked If I should just attend via video conference. She said either way was fine, but it's easier to show up in person and she wouldn't mind if I was late. 

I wasn't late after all and I sat down as she was talking to another student about the number of students who were out.  She turned to me and said, "I'm glad you could make it."

That was just her being a nice person, of course, but there was an embarrassing moment. I turned to look at her to say thank you (she was sitting off to my right), and we made direct eye contact.  She looked at me with that same look as she did the day she greeted me at the door...just kind of...stared.

Now, I usually take out my contacts at the end of the day and wear my glasses to class, but I didn't get home in time to do that. So, I wasn't wearing my glasses like I usually do.  Her eyes kind of widened when we made eye contact.  Maybe I just looked different without my glasses. But the look on her face was so soft, yet focused on me, and I could feel my face burn.  I made a stupid awkward gesture with my hands and scrunched up my shoulders and said, "Yeah, I made it!". It was meant to sound jokingly proud, but I am sure I  just looked mental. 

In the physical classroom, it was just me and one other female student.  I have dismissed her frequent eye contact with me as "checking for understanding" -- even though she barely glanced at the other students, and would sometimes quickly look away when I looked over at her.  However...there were two separate personal conversations she had with us that related to the material, but wouldn't warrant a need to "check for understanding".

Yet she continued to make frequent eye contact with me.  I can only describe it as: the way someone looks at you to gauge your reaction. 

And there were moments where I would be focused on the screen while I listened to her talk. Then she would pause, and I'd turn my head to look at her, and she'd quickly look away.

I have to ask myself, would I even notice her looking at me if I hadn't felt this little attraction? Would I be analyzing it so much? If it weren't for the eye contact would I have allowed my interest in her heighten? Isn't this the same shit I have gone through twice before, only to learn I was just seeing something that wasn't there?

When it comes down to it, it's ridiculous, really.

But why can't I stop writing and thinking about it? 

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1 hour ago, Curious Jane said:

Class last night was interesting.  

I emailed her to let her know I might be late & asked If I should just attend via video conference. She said either way was fine, but it's easier to show up in person and she wouldn't mind if I was late. 

I wasn't late after all and I sat down as she was talking to another student about the number of students who were out.  She turned to me and said, "I'm glad you could make it."

That was just her being a nice person, of course, but there was an embarrassing moment. I turned to look at her to say thank you (she was sitting off to my right), and we made direct eye contact.  She looked at me with that same look as she did the day she greeted me at the door...just kind of...stared.

Now, I usually take out my contacts at the end of the day and wear my glasses to class, but I didn't get home in time to do that. So, I wasn't wearing my glasses like I usually do.  Her eyes kind of widened when we made eye contact.  Maybe I just looked different without my glasses. But the look on her face was so soft, yet focused on me, and I could feel my face burn.  I made a stupid awkward gesture with my hands and scrunched up my shoulders and said, "Yeah, I made it!". It was meant to sound jokingly proud, but I am sure I  just looked mental. 

In the physical classroom, it was just me and one other female student.  I have dismissed her frequent eye contact with me as "checking for understanding" -- even though she barely glanced at the other students, and would sometimes quickly look away when I looked over at her.  However...there were two separate personal conversations she had with us that related to the material, but wouldn't warrant a need to "check for understanding".

Yet she continued to make frequent eye contact with me.  I can only describe it as: the way someone looks at you to gauge your reaction. 

And there were moments where I would be focused on the screen while I listened to her talk. Then she would pause, and I'd turn my head to look at her, and she'd quickly look away.

I have to ask myself, would I even notice her looking at me if I hadn't felt this little attraction? Would I be analyzing it so much? If it weren't for the eye contact would I have allowed my interest in her heighten? Isn't this the same shit I have gone through twice before, only to learn I was just seeing something that wasn't there?

When it comes down to it, it's ridiculous, really.

But why can't I stop writing and thinking about it? 

It does sound as though there is something there and you are picking up on it...

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I am annoyed with myself that I even feel the need to come here to talk about this.  The reason is that I wish I was confident and secure enough to not let it disrupt my thoughts.

But I've thought about a possible reason for the frequent eye contact. Maybe she just feels more comfortable looking at me because I exude shyness, but I'm not exuding apathy. 

In the rare instances where I have spoken to a group of people, I always focused on the friendly faces who looked like they were genuinely interested in what I'm saying.

 

 

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