anonymous94

Coming out to a new group of friends

7 posts in this topic

So lately I've kind of been taking a few steps backwards in the whole "being out" department. It has to do with me not being as confident about myself as I was before. I've moved to a new city and so far I've not mentioned that I'm bi or acted like I am. I basicly act as sterotypical straight as possible.

But also, I don't like the idea of people thinking of me as a very sexual being. Which I am afraid will be the focus if I annonce that I'm bi. I am afraid of getting questions about sexual preferences and that people sort of expect me to want that kind of attention for saying that I'm bi. When in reality I just want people to accept it and move on and mind their own bussiness, so I don't have to worry about it being a big deal.

Does anybody else think this is a problem? If someone came of as stricktly gay nobody would ask them sexual questions. Like if I'm into everybody I meet, really like threesome or stare at girls in public showers. Not that I've experienced these questions irl...

I just feel very uncomfortble about saying that I'm bi even though I have accepted it as normal. Does that makes sense? 

Edited by anonymous94
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Yeah the "omg do you have threesomes?!" line of questioning gets tiresome fast. I don't blame you for being annoyed at that prospect, but is it worth being in the closet just to avoid a brief spell of your friends being obnoxious? If you get tired of answering their questions you can just refer them to the FAQ on Bi.org XD

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7 hours ago, anonymous94 said:

//

But also, I don't like the idea of people thinking of me as a very sexual being. Which I am afraid will be the focus if I annonce that I'm bi. I am afraid of getting questions about sexual preferences and that people sort of expect me to want that kind of attention for saying that I'm bi. When in reality I just want people to accept it and move on and mind their own bussiness, so I don't have to worry about it being a big deal.

//

I have the same concern, and sadly, it is a major factor in my choice to stay in the closet.  I read a lot of good, encouraging advice from members here on Shybi, however, I think in my case, I am not ready to come out.  I'm frustratingly self-defeating this way.  I hope it works out for you.

Edited by Femme Lusting
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I think even when you come out as gay, depending on the people, you get some sexual questions.  The more casually you approach it, the better.  Even when I was married and out as bi, I tried to keep it casual.  Some people are nosy and might ask sexual questions (which might be fun to turn around on them and ask them stuff. "So, are you into anal?" Just to show them how inappropriate it is!), but most people don't.  Really, I find that our sexualities are bigger for us than for anyone else.  People likely won't put as much thought and time into your sexuality as you might think.

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I like the approach of turning the questions back, that's a good idea. If they don't like it they will realize they are being inappropriate, and if they are ok with it then it's one more thing you can discuss openly with them (if you choose to.) Win win!

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Yeah, it’s so hard because I want people to know that I’m bi because it is a part of me and I don’t want to feel like it’s hidden. At the same time, I’m a pretty private person and so I don’t like to just bring it up without context. 

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Thank you for all of your answers :)

I think one of the main issues is that I've been feeling very little attracted to anyone lately because of bad selfesteem. I could basicly be classified as asexual right now. That's why it's been extra hard to say that I'm bisexual. It doesn't feel quite right. Pluss, being sexualized in general is super uncomfortabel to me.

 I have just wanted things to be like they were before, but they are not. So I'm just going to say it as it is if anyone asks. I'm not paricularly attracted to anyone lately, even though I have defined myself as bi before.

And that's okey. I don't have to be supersexual :P 

Edited by anonymous94
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