Kaisee39

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I love this site. I’ve been quietly looking around and I’m almost ready to share my story. I’m married have children and had my world flipped upside down by a beautiful woman earlier this year.

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Hello! Looking forward to hearing your story once you feel ready.

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Welcome to the site!  If you haven't already, be sure to check out How This Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts.

Keep poking around the forums.  Hopefully in time you'll feel comfortable enough to share your story.  Women have a way of turning our worlds upside down!

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Earlier this year I met her through a friend of a work friend.  We were at a work event that I didn’t want to attend (I get anxious around lots of people) and was introduced to her. I noticed how beautiful she was and even more how well she carried herself before I even met her. When we met it seemed like she was staring at me to the point it made me self conscious like I had  hummus on my face or something but I didn’t I checked ;). As the night went on I noticed when I glanced across the room that she was still looking at me and one point she caught me staring and smiled back.

A few weeks later my friend invited me to her house to swim and to my surprise, SHE was invited too.  It was just the three of us so it was a nice intimate setting to get to know each other. We talked for a while and my friend, recently divorced, brought up being with a woman because it would be easier than her ex. I laughed and shared a story about a girl I kissed. As the day went in we had a few drinks. I asked where I could change and she pointed to the bedroom. In the middle of getting dressed her friend walked in. I don’t think she knew I was topless. She apologized and said cute panties then she proceeded to take her top off. I was shocked but oddly turned on. Her breasts were so hot. When I finished changing I noticed it actually made me wet...sorry if tmi.  I left cause hubby was coming home with the kids and all I could think about on my way home was how weird I felt by everything that just happened.  Little did I know that encounter with her would lead to many more.All of this has me questioning a lot of things in my life.

 

@BiTriMama @ChemFem thank you for the welcome;)

Edited by Kaisee39
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Ohhhh my. Welcome! Look forward to hearing more. :)

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Welcome to Shybi!

Great little place we have here, it’s nice to hear that you love it already.

I love your story, and look forward to hearing more...

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I’m in my 40’s, married with children and met a woman earlier this year that I’m completely in love with. We connect on a level that different from the way I do with my husband. She’s compassionate, listens and loves to be loved.  My husband is a great guy and while I love him, we’ve been through a lot these last few years and it’s created a distance between us. I never intended to cheat on my husband, I’m not really sure how or why it happened, but in many ways I’m happy it did.

In July his work schedule changed from nights to days, making it incredibly difficult to carry on with my gf. This made me sad and caused me to act out against him because in many ways I resented his schedule interfering with her and I.  After a few weeks of this he grew suspicious and started asking if I was having an affair with another man. I was mad that he accused me of this and denied it. It led to lots of yelling and crying. I couldn’t take it anymore and just sort of blurted out I’m in love with another woman. Then I panicked. He completely freaked out and I wasn’t sure what to do.

I didn’t want to disappoint him and I didn’t want to end things this way so I told him I made it up. I wish I never said anything because now he won’t let it go. Every time I go out with my friends he questions me. He’s suspicious of everything I do and everywhere I go. I can’t talk to him about this, I don’t want him to know the truth and want to have both of them. This is what brought me here, I realized I’m bi. My gf is growing impatient because we don’t have nearly the alone time we had before. I don’t know what to do. I created such a mess and now I feel completely broken.

 
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Oof that's a very difficult situation. He will probably realize soon enough that you were not making it up. You said you "didn't want to end things this way" - what way would you want them to end? How can you and your gf plan for this possibility?

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It sounds like a tough situation.  I would say to be honest with yourself and your lovers.  They both deserve the truth, and you don't need to keep sneaking around and giving half truths.  If you want for either of them to trust you, you need to be worthy of that trust.

It's a manipulative game to deny the truth with your husband and lie, saying that you'd made it up.  Making him out to be the crazy one in this isn't fair in the slightest.  Your sexuality and actions aren't his fault.  Your sexuality isn't your choice, but how you behave is.  Plenty of us here understand the desire for a woman while married.  We really do.  But there are ethical ways to go about it, and it is time for a good hard self-inventory.  How would you feel if roles were reversed?  If your husband fell in love with a man, and was hiding it and lying?

You all deserve to be happy.  And you all deserve to live in your truths.  Give them the chance to be happy and true, whatever that may mean, and ultimately, you will give yourself that chance, too.

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I don’t want him to leave because I really do love my husband and never imagined this happening. If you asked me if I would have done this last year I would have said that could never be me yet here i am.  He’s a really traditional guy and wouldn’t understand. I don’t even really understand what I’m doing right now.  My other problem is finding the time to spend with her. Since his shift changed it’s been near impossible to find time to be with her.

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Communication is the key here. You have to be able to talk about this with him and with her. The only way you're going to be able to work this out is talk to both of them, not at the same time of course, lol. You have to tell him that you love him very much, if you do, and tell him you are also in love with a woman, but until you talk to her as well you won't know how she feels. If she wants you to herself, that may be difficult since you have a family. It seems that a lot of us that are on this site have been where you are. I too was married when I discovered that I had feelings for a woman. My first ex-husband even accused me of having feelings for her but I just down-played it, when in reality he was right. Then in my second marriage I started coming back onto this site after discovering this site when I was divorced the first time. The woman I described that I met when I was married to my first ex became a very good friend and without realizing it, I developed feelings for her, and she had feelings for me too but not like that and I misinterpreted her feelings for me. We worked it out, but she was only ever a good friend and nothing ever happened. I didn't get involved with a woman until after my first divorce, before I married my second ex. I didn't have a full-on experience with that woman, but after I was married for over a year, I started coming back on to this site. Then eventually my second ex accused me of cheating on him just by being on here. When he left me I met a woman on here and we had a long distance relationship for eleven months. I took a break after that because of pressure from family, mainly my mother who's very religious to "get back to" my religious roots. Well that lasted a month, lol. You can't change who you are or your preference once you've discovered that part of yourself. I met another woman on here and was involved long distance again and never met her face to face either for about five months, then I realized she was a fake and ended it. Finally I met the love of my life on here shortly after that break up from the fake woman who lied about her situation. I have been with netballer1973 or as I like to call her Netty for short now a little over three years. She has been to visit me here quite a few times, she lives in Scotland.

What you need to ask yourself is : Do I have room in my life to make it work with being in love with 2 people and will my husband be able to handle it? Or after talking to your husband will he ask you to not see her anymore and if he does, will you be able to handle that? It's a very hard place to be in but communication is the key here. If you explain to both him and to her that you have no intentions of leaving him for her and to her that you will not leave your husband but that you have to work some things out, it's the only thing you can do right now. There is a way to do it but both parties have to be willing to be flexible and giving of their time so you can make room for both of them.

I hope it works out for the best for you. 

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I really appreciate all of the advice and took time to think about it. I read quite a few other stories and realize I’m not alone in not wanting to discuss it with him. I’m having a difficult time being creative to find alone time with her and it’s driving me mad. Anyone been in a similar situation and have suggestions?

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I think the only sensible suggestion is to be honest. And the whole denying it stuff is actually pretty cruel - it's practically gaslighting. I know you want your cake and to eat it but something has to give here. You all deserve better and I think you already know that this situation can't go on the way it is. 

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Wow and hello! I have been reading all the replies and it’s really helped me to feel I’m not alone and also how scary relationships can be xx

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My husband and I were having dinner and he was in a pleasant mood.  Now that things have settled down a bit I decided to test the waters so I asked him what he would think if I were to tell him I might be bi. He said he would like me to be committed to him and only him but would be open to a threesome. Rather than push him away from the situation I thought for a second and said ok let’s do it. He was surprised I said okay. I only agreed to it because it will give me a chance to introduce him to my bisexuality in a way he might actually enjoy and I’m going to enjoy it too. Being bi isn’t necessarily about the sex for me as much as it is about he relationship. She gives me things he never will. So I agreed to plan it and see how things go. Wish me luck :-)

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That’s a tricky situation you’re about to enter into, proceed with caution.

In my opinion, if a man says something along the lines of not being ok with you having a relationship with a woman but is over the moon about having a threesome, he’s not taking your bisexuality seriously... He’s only tolerating it for his own benefit.

Your bisexuality should only be about you. Sadly, there are a lot of women who ‘settle’ for a threesome, sexual type arrangement, because that’s all their husbands will ‘allow’. This often leads to frustration, not to mention, it’s kind of a sexist way of thinking (but I won’t get into that right now).

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2 hours ago, Kaisee39 said:

My husband and I were having dinner and he was in a pleasant mood.  Now that things have settled down a bit I decided to test the waters so I asked him what he would think if I were to tell him I might be bi. He said he would like me to be committed to him and only him but would be open to a threesome. Rather than push him away from the situation I thought for a second and said ok let’s do it. He was surprised I said okay. I only agreed to it because it will give me a chance to introduce him to my bisexuality in a way he might actually enjoy and I’m going to enjoy it too. Being bi isn’t necessarily about the sex for me as much as it is about he relationship. She gives me things he never will. So I agreed to plan it and see how things go. Wish me luck :-)

Are you saying that you're going to ask your gf to have sex with you and your husband in a threesome? 

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