Confusedandmarried

New to this and married

72 posts in this topic

I feel like a decent weight is gone and I'm pretty happy......I did talk to my one friend that's married and bi.....she was very supportive.....wish we lived closer together so I could talk to her more but thank you ladies for being so supportive and great! 

4 hours ago, blueberry said:

 

And don't mind the quote box here my phone is being super wonky

Edited by Confusedandmarried
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4 hours ago, Confusedandmarried said:

Tbh I don't plan on staying with him all that much longer like I've been trying to make things work but seems as if he's too selfish to care......right now I'm just wanting to be able to talk and not be automatically judged.....which here is perfect and my husbands aunt was very rude about ppl being bi (idk how they got on the subject BC I wasn't talking at all and she doesn't know me all that well) and at the time I was still struggling with it and realized her being rude upset me but I hid it

I'm glad to see this, honestly, it doesn't sound like a particularly happy marriage on the whole.  It's hard when you feel like you're the only one putting in the effort.  I was in one of those.  One person cannot hold a marriage together.  It has to be a team effort.

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Yeah its like tonight.....supposed to be our "date night" (we have zero kids but we don't spend actual time together) and he went to his dads and watched a TV show (which I was ok with) but then he stops at the neighbors for like 45 mins (guy neighbor) standing outside talking and it's like I was expecting him home and was trying to be all sexy for him to try to make things better but I'm not in that kind of mood anymore.....like he knew I was taking a shower and gonna be all nice and fresh its like wow......

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1 hour ago, Confusedandmarried said:

Yeah its like tonight.....supposed to be our "date night" (we have zero kids but we don't spend actual time together) and he went to his dads and watched a TV show (which I was ok with) but then he stops at the neighbors for like 45 mins (guy neighbor) standing outside talking and it's like I was expecting him home and was trying to be all sexy for him to try to make things better but I'm not in that kind of mood anymore.....like he knew I was taking a shower and gonna be all nice and fresh its like wow......

*eyeroll* I'm all in favor of getting to know your neighbors but that seems like misplaced priorities even by my standards.

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Lol exactly.......and I don't wanna get into trouble with anyone on here but its like I always get the short end of the stick and that's not a length joke (ok not fully) lmao......things used to be different in a good way.....sparks slowly dying and doesn't seem as if he cares......I had already had the bi-curious feelings way before this happened but I mean that's no help with it 

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I feel very similarly in my marriage, I love him but there are no more sparks, it doesn’t seem like he cares, he never tries anymore. The less connected I feel to him, the more I crave that connection with a woman. In all honesty, I feel very lonely and unloved. 

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16 minutes ago, Cute&Curious said:

I feel very similarly in my marriage, I love him but there are no more sparks, it doesn’t seem like he cares, he never tries anymore. The less connected I feel to him, the more I crave that connection with a woman. In all honesty, I feel very lonely and unloved. 

I think most of us feel like this during our marriage.Maybe not all the time but if you are married for long things get under a routine.I believe it's us too and how much we have changed since realizing this part of us.Men are different from us and they take us for granted some times they even not appreciate what they have ,they fail to see that they have a passionate creature because most of them have egos as big as a tower :P do i make sense?Sometimes i think in Greek and it's not easy to not literally write as we say it in Greek

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7 minutes ago, kairi said:

I think most of us feel like this during our marriage.Maybe not all the time but if you are married for long things get under a routine.I believe it's us too and how much we have changed since realizing this part of us.Men are different from us and they take us for granted some times they even not appreciate what they have ,they fail to see that they have a passionate creature because most of them have egos as big as a tower :P do i make sense?Sometimes i think in Greek and it's not easy to not literally write as we say it in Greek

You make perfect sense, but then, you always do in my opinion. It just really, really sucks, I have passion, lots of it, but I feel like it’s wasted

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25 minutes ago, Cute&Curious said:

You make perfect sense, but then, you always do in my opinion. It just really, really sucks, I have passion, lots of it, but I feel like it’s wasted

I know,in fact i said something similar to a friend few days ago :)

Edited by kairi
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I'm sorry you cant talk to your husband. I never thought I would be able to but with the support I found here I did and the relief when I did was so needed.

I didn't feel guilty for hiding that part of me. I felt free to final be me.

I too was in a marriage that was difficult and talking about things wasnt something we were good at but in the end I had to do something as it was destroying me.

I hope you find your voice and the strength to be you

Xx

Edited by shazza21
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Yeah I also feel as if mine is wasted as well.......just all he wants is for him to get his (usually oral) and I get nothing.....so yeah I hear u there and I just know how he is so right now for the moment nope and I feel as if he would selfishly wanna threesome then I wouldn't be able to explore BC he would be there and then afterwards be asking so did u like when she did this and all sorts of questions where I would like to just try to enjoy the time and explore so that's why I won't say anything but I'm too afraid to even explore anything quite yet......I've opened up to close friends and so far so good......and u ladies here are amazing and great help and support......I've never slept better or felt more at ease......I'm usually a worrier but I'm ok so far......

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3 minutes ago, Confusedandmarried said:

Yeah I also feel as if mine is wasted as well.......just all he wants is for him to get his (usually oral) and I get nothing.....so yeah I hear u there and I just know how he is so right now for the moment nope and I feel as if he would selfishly wanna threesome then I wouldn't be able to explore BC he would be there and then afterwards be asking so did u like when she did this and all sorts of questions where I would like to just try to enjoy the time and explore so that's why I won't say anything but I'm too afraid to even explore anything quite yet......I've opened up to close friends and so far so good......and u ladies here are amazing and great help and support......I've never slept better or felt more at ease......I'm usually a worrier but I'm ok so far......

Snap but like you say by looking at chatting on hear it's very clear to see there are lots in same situation 

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Yeah I've noticed that and its nice to have support and help......like I've noticed I'm dreaming of exploring even and it's like idk if that'll ever happen......

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1 minute ago, Confusedandmarried said:

Yeah I've noticed that and its nice to have support and help......like I've noticed I'm dreaming of exploring even and it's like idk if that'll ever happen......

Umm but it's a nice thought right? I guess you never really know what will happen but nice to dream 

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Definitely nice to dream and maybe one day it will.......I just.....I'm a not happier just by even saying it and verbally saying it last night helped a lot too......lol

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When you start accepting who you are things do become clearer and the mind isnt fighting with itself all the time.

My husband was very selfish without knowing it but I let it happen over the years because it was easier just to let him do his things and keep the peace but in the end id had enough of being taken for granted so told him enough was enough.

Sometimes you have to reach rock bottom to realise when you cant take anymore.

Men just go around thinking everything is ok if they get fed have clean clothes and get sex when they feel the need. We have to open our mouths and tell them what they want because from the time they are born their mother's do all the thinking for them!!

They need to realise we have needs and wants too. Just being a wife isnt enough!!

We are equal partners who need to be treated with love and respect.

Xx

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13 minutes ago, shazza21 said:

When you start accepting who you are things do become clearer and the mind isnt fighting with itself all the time.

My husband was very selfish without knowing it but I let it happen over the years because it was easier just to let him do his things and keep the peace but in the end id had enough of being taken for granted so told him enough was enough.

Sometimes you have to reach rock bottom to realise when you cant take anymore.

Men just go around thinking everything is ok if they get fed have clean clothes and get sex when they feel the need. We have to open our mouths and tell them what they want because from the time they are born their mother's do all the thinking for them!!

They need to realise we have needs and wants too. Just being a wife isnt enough!!

We are equal partners who need to be treated with love and respect.

Xx

I agree 100000% lol we deserve and need to be treated with love and respect......I rarely get either......one day I'll be able to say enough just hasn't been right timing yet.....like I've told him before about I have needs too and we rarely if ever have sex anymore but it just does me no good.......turns into an argument if anything.....

Edited by Confusedandmarried
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59 minutes ago, Confusedandmarried said:

I agree 100000% lol we deserve and need to be treated with love and respect......I rarely get either......one day I'll be able to say enough just hasn't been right timing yet.....like I've told him before about I have needs too and we rarely if ever have sex anymore but it just does me no good.......turns into an argument if anything.....

That's not good. Why are you putting up with such behavior. Just because he's your husband doesn't give him any right to treat you like that. Sex should be part of a loving partnership not something that causes arguments.

You need to find the right moment to sort things.

Xx

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5 minutes ago, shazza21 said:

That's not good. Why are you putting up with such behavior. Just because he's your husband doesn't give him any right to treat you like that. Sex should be part of a loving partnership not something that causes arguments.

You need to find the right moment to sort things.

Xx

Yeah well I've tried talking to him about it and I've said u get oral all the time so why can't we have more and it started an issue and we worked thru it later on......he's just selfish and bad at oral anyways so I just don't ask anymore......I have nowhere to go or anything so I just deal.....soon I'm gonna start college

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41 minutes ago, Confusedandmarried said:

Yeah well I've tried talking to him about it and I've said u get oral all the time so why can't we have more and it started an issue and we worked thru it later on......he's just selfish and bad at oral anyways so I just don't ask anymore......I have nowhere to go or anything so I just deal.....soon I'm gonna start college

That'll be a really good personal growth experience. What do you plan to study?

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1 hour ago, ChemFem said:

That'll be a really good personal growth experience. What do you plan to study?

Gonna go for my associates degree in nursing.....then hopefully my bachelors afterwards.....he amazingly enough agreed with me going BC we definitely need financial security and on top of that he knows its what I really wanna do like I'm a caring person and most things health/body wise is like second nature to me

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1 hour ago, Confusedandmarried said:

Gonna go for my associates degree in nursing.....then hopefully my bachelors afterwards.....he amazingly enough agreed with me going BC we definitely need financial security and on top of that he knows its what I really wanna do like I'm a caring person and most things health/body wise is like second nature to me

Sounds like nursing is a really good fit for you. :) why is his agreement amazing?

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17 minutes ago, ChemFem said:

Sounds like nursing is a really good fit for you. :) why is his agreement amazing?

BC it involves change and he isn't too fond of that......but he knows I need this.....we haven't had kids yet (been together for over 8 years) so its like I need to feel purpose in my life.......and it surprised me that he actually agreed is all lol

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What a wonderful way to seek purpose, while also improving your finances.

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26 minutes ago, ChemFem said:

What a wonderful way to seek purpose, while also improving your finances.

Definitely and helping others......I believe everyone deserves to be healthy and I love making ppl feel better.....kills me when I see a nurse treating a patient like crap (like when I've been in the ER)

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