Confusedandmarried

New to this and married

72 posts in this topic

Being out and about feels different but I try to act the same idk......hubby (and I do too) we throw darts like at bars and such and its like I haven't said a word to anyone here so.......I'm happier from just talking about it with my close supportive friends and u ladies......my mind just has wandered more tonight......

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On 11/21/2017 at 2:38 PM, Confusedandmarried said:

Yeah although the one friend does talk much so idk.....but yeah all these years I've hidden it and it resurfaced hard (privately) but I'm unsure if I even wanna tell anyone else......I have one friend that is bi and is married to a man and has kids so I'm debating on having chat with her soon.

If she's trustworthy, this is who you need to talk to.  

I haven't come out as bisexual.  I have one local friend who knows about my relationship with my girl and my husband knows.  I don't feel the need to share it with anyone else.  I don't ever use the label "bisexual" when talking to people about myself in real life.  

I'd suggest starting with mentioning a female celebrity you find attractive to your hub.  "Yeah, I think xx is pretty hot.  She's gorgeous, right?"  Get a dialog going.  Maybe do it on a couple different occasions with different female celebrities.  Gauge his reaction.  If that goes well, the next step is to mention that you've always kind of wondered what it would be like to be with another woman.  

With my hub, I casually asked him one day during a conversation (I think about someone we knew who was cheating), if he thought it would be cheating if I were with a girl.  He said "no."  

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I know how he is so sorry no matter how many ppl put things certain ways I can't talk to him.......and I've never really had a celebrity crush male or female......as the last couple of days have gone by I've realized there's a giant chance I'll never get to explore anything......I could barely verbally tell my best friend so......idk.....there's times where I wished I had just hid it back down again......I may just keep it to the ppl that do know.......just easier to keep going the way I am BC of him.......less stressful.....granted less happy but I'm used to that by now

Edited by Confusedandmarried
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On 11/23/2017 at 7:32 AM, FlaGrl08 said:

If she's trustworthy, this is who you need to talk to.  

I haven't come out as bisexual.  I have one local friend who knows about my relationship with my girl and my husband knows.  I don't feel the need to share it with anyone else.  I don't ever use the label "bisexual" when talking to people about myself in real life.  

I'd suggest starting with mentioning a female celebrity you find attractive to your hub.  "Yeah, I think xx is pretty hot.  She's gorgeous, right?"  Get a dialog going.  Maybe do it on a couple different occasions with different female celebrities.  Gauge his reaction.  If that goes well, the next step is to mention that you've always kind of wondered what it would be like to be with another woman.  

With my hub, I casually asked him one day during a conversation (I think about someone we knew who was cheating), if he thought it would be cheating if I were with a girl.  He said "no."  

You're so lucky he's so understanding......I'm out with a guy friend and hubby flipped on me before I even got out the door BC of the top I had on (covered my body so idk what his problem was) and he always allowed me to go hang out with this friend so u see why I can't even mention it to him period.......I just can't.......I'm on my last nerve but I wanna get college going soon its just a mess.......I'm a mess :'(

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43 minutes ago, Confusedandmarried said:

You're so lucky he's so understanding......I'm out with a guy friend and hubby flipped on me before I even got out the door BC of the top I had on (covered my body so idk what his problem was) and he always allowed me to go hang out with this friend so u see why I can't even mention it to him period.......I just can't.......I'm on my last nerve but I wanna get college going soon its just a mess.......I'm a mess :'(

That's not good. He's trying to control everything you do. I can see why telling him would be a no no

Hugs

Xx

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48 minutes ago, shazza21 said:

That's not good. He's trying to control everything you do. I can see why telling him would be a no no

Hugs

Xx

Yeah and thank you......he knows it was stupid though BC he apologized afterwards....also I'm 27 and he's 47 (hubby and don't ask how that even happened) so its like rough.......I'm so glad I found this while searching BC I'm happier but at the same time I'm still confused and he's pushing me away even more so and it makes me wanna just explore and be able to be happy even if its for a few hours with someone.......idk I just get skiddish.....

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6 hours ago, Confusedandmarried said:

Yeah and thank you......he knows it was stupid though BC he apologized afterwards....also I'm 27 and he's 47 (hubby and don't ask how that even happened) so its like rough.......I'm so glad I found this while searching BC I'm happier but at the same time I'm still confused and he's pushing me away even more so and it makes me wanna just explore and be able to be happy even if its for a few hours with someone.......idk I just get skiddish.....

Things happen and sometimes we end up with people we least expect too but we all deserve to be happy and to be our true selves.

Hope you can figure things out for your own peace of mind.

Xx

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24 minutes ago, shazza21 said:

Things happen and sometimes we end up with people we least expect too but we all deserve to be happy and to be our true selves.

Hope you can figure things out for your own peace of mind.

Xx

Thank you.......I hope so too one day :-) being in the area of FL that I'm in its like there's not much to do so it allows me to think which isn't always a good thing

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6 hours ago, Confusedandmarried said:

Thank you.......I hope so too one day :-) being in the area of FL that I'm in its like there's not much to do so it allows me to think which isn't always a good thing

I know what you mean. Over thinking is my downfall!! Dreaming is fun tho xx

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4 hours ago, shazza21 said:

I know what you mean. Over thinking is my downfall!! Dreaming is fun tho xx

Its like my mind is a hamster on a running wheel and that sucker has some energizer batteries or some crap like that......like damn mind......but yeah day dreaming and dreaming is amazing though....u have that right lol

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Oh the day dreaming! Maybe one day it will becone reality xx

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44 minutes ago, shazza21 said:

Oh the day dreaming! Maybe one day it will becone reality xx

Yeah I hear that.....dreaming is sufficing me for now.....

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I've never been happier since coming out to the choice friends that I have came out to......just confused about what my next step is........guess its just me really needing to find myself and I'm sure I'm not alone on that......

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7 hours ago, Confusedandmarried said:

I've never been happier since coming out to the choice friends that I have came out to......just confused about what my next step is........guess its just me really needing to find myself and I'm sure I'm not alone on that......

No you are not. I took a week away on my own to find me. Never been happier xx

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2 hours ago, shazza21 said:

No you are not. I took a week away on my own to find me. Never been happier xx

Sadly I won't be able to get any time away to find myself anytime soon........ok so lemme reword that then......as far as my life has gone so far this is the happiest I've been being married to him lmao I haven't felt this relaxed in so long BC I don't feel like I have to hide it so much anymore BC the ppl that I trust know and I'm less stressed out BC I have ppl I can talk to on here and in my own personal life......maybe the better term was I'm the most relaxed that I've been........I'm sure there's more happiness and joy I could feel but for right now there's nothing more I can do......

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I more so meant that so far I've never felt happier not that I could never be happier......u know? I'm used to freaking out and being stressed.......worrying....but now I'm so much more relaxed and less stressed knowing that I at the very least have ppl to talk to on here and now in my own personal life.......makes me relieved that what I thought all these years wasn't true........that there's ppl who will accept me.....even if I don't know the true me yet......I was always bullied and teased as a child so I never thought I would be accepted and bullied for non sexual preference related obviously since I kept that a secret lol

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1 minute ago, Confusedandmarried said:

I more so meant that so far I've never felt happier not that I could never be happier......u know? I'm used to freaking out and being stressed.......worrying....but now I'm so much more relaxed and less stressed knowing that I at the very least have ppl to talk to on here and now in my own personal life.......makes me relieved that what I thought all these years wasn't true........that there's ppl who will accept me.....even if I don't know the true me yet......I was always bullied and teased as a child so I never thought I would be accepted and bullied for non sexual preference related obviously since I kept that a secret lol

Good for you xx

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Yeah I guess at the very least I've said it and now whenever I can get either the courage or just the time away from him to explore it then I will but for right now I just am relieved I don't have to hide from my trusted friends and now on here I don't........

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On 11/21/2017 at 9:05 AM, Confusedandmarried said:

Hi.....I have no idea where to start....I've been bi-curious for years now I have just been too scared to even talk about it. I'm currently married and my husband has no idea that I am. Actually to be honest.....no one that I know has any idea except for one guy friend who is also bi-curious but its just I don't know where to go from here.......I wanna try but I'm scared idk this is the first time I've really thought about it even though the signs were there that I was bi-curious I just shoved those feelings down deep and they're resurfacing again......I'm done trying to push them down but I'm not done to the point where I want to be public about it 

Oh girl, I know just how you feel. I am in the same position. And I don't know where to start.

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Hi i dont know if this will help or not but here goes... i jumped on the site over a year ago not expecting much tbh i didnt have a clue about all these new feelings . I didnt know if i wanted to act upon them or not. If i felt guilt or not . All i knew is i wanted to embrace this side of me. Talking to the girls on here made me realise i was ok not a freak and my feelings werent just in my head . I chatted and posted and made a connection with another shy. All this helped me to accept it and i bit the bullet and spoke to my husband about how i felt . We talked at length and it was intense -alot of crying happened! But this was the first big step to accepting myself. I then felt confident enough to talk to my mum and friend and cousin. Not everyone knows and dont be under pressure to announce it , i put it in several conversations it was subtle i didnt hold a party! Anyway... spend time . Build connections with people till you figure out whats right for you . Enjoy shys 

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I'm in the same situation. As of right now I feel myself more attracted to a woman's body. I haven't really explored much with a woman. Only the drunken kiss a few times. I haven't told anybody except now. I'm saying for the first time on here. I really can't talk to the husband because he would talk it the wrong way and see me in a different way. That's is what I don't want. I haven't told any friends because I wouldn't want them to think I'm checking them out or flirting with them. I don't know if it's just the attraction to the woman's body or if I would like going any further exploring scared of the outcome whether I like it or not. So I understand being confused In your thoughts. But it's good to know I'm not alone as I've read on here.

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On 1/24/2018 at 9:39 PM, contessmed said:

Depending on your situation it’s not something so easy to discuss , though a large percentage of women have same sex attractions. I never thought of women during my younger years , but as I’ve aged I have a great curiosity what it would be like to be with a woman  emotionally and physically .  I wish I experimented in college. Not so easy 25 years later with a husband and kids . I still hope to meet a like minded mom in similar familia situation where we can have a “special friendship “ . A girl can dream can’t she ?? ;) 

I feel 100% the same way. I'm a mom now, 33 years old. But I never was attracted to women when I was younger. It only started a few years ago. I don't think I would ever want to be in a relationship with a woman though-- I like men too much lol 

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