annak

I'm what? Thank you for my label???

33 posts in this topic

I'm not even gonna lie, my sexuality is a bit of an obsession. I made the decision to stop fantasizing and finally act upon the desire that was so strong it was making me crazy. Once I did, and awoke my sexual self, it was like discovering Santa Claus really does exist. Ok maybe not, but it has impacted me in ways I could have never imagined. I feel more confident, more alive inside, and actually much more open to the world around me. Weird? IDK? But the more I learn about myself and being able to discuss with other women, the more empowered I feel personally. But I sometimes find when I explain my feelings to other women, they are like huh? So of course to the internet I go... Heteroromantic bisexual... those who are attracted to both women and men but are exclusively romantically involved with members of the opposite sex. Yep! That's me. I have my "LABEL"  But wait, someone said, no that's actually heteroromantic homosexual. Another says, "You are pansexual or fluid sexual" I'm now confused. I'm neither entirely heterosexual nor entirely homosexual. Therefore; I think I will go back to the label of ME. Do you guys think labels are important as an identifier, an easier means to explain your feelings  or just a bunch of bs?  

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Labels. Yes. Lisa Diamond's research on sexual fluidity shows that many women move to a "who cares about labels" position at some stage, and that the majority of women's sexual/ romantic orientation labels do change over time.

I kindof like the bisexual label. Im choosing to own it! (In my own closeted way!)

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Labels can help with explanations but when other people try to peg labels on you it's just rude.

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7 minutes ago, ChemFem said:

Labels can help with explanations but when other people try to peg labels on you it's just rude.

Labels also help people to have the illusion that they belong and they are not the only ones standing out,the illusion of security.That they are not different but they are the same as some.We try to label everything and we are missing the most important.We don't need labels to define that we are humans.

That's what it is.A need.

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I'm new to my bisexuality, so I like the label. And I, too, qualify as a hetero romantic bisexual. For me, while I am still wading through all of this and figuring out what my sexuality will play out as or how my life might look, finding that there are other people, that there was a word for it, has been very helpful for me.

Humans are social creatures by nature and we want to belong to a group. I am very analytical of myself and my thoughts and behavior, so when I find a label that explains something to me about myself and shows me that I'm not alone, I like it.

So while on the whole, I might not be a huge fan of labeling and putting things in boxes, I find naming things and putting a name to your feelings and experiences to be powerful. For instance, when a psychiatrist told me that I had anxiety and when I looked at the list of things that are typical of an adult woman with ADHD, it was eye-opening. It explained a lot. It doesn't mean that I use those labels as an excuse for anything, but it helped me to see the things I feel in a different light.

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I don’t like the one thing or the other label, ie straight or gay. I know I am somewhere in between but I do agree that it gets quite confusing. At the moment I would class myself as bisexual or bi fluid. I am trying to find an identity like this because I am unfairly and rudely labelled Lesbian in some social situations which makes me feel embarrassed. I want to feel comfortable with who I am so that when I am unfairly called one thing I can say with pride that I am in fact the other thing. The more you remain a mystery to be solved the more people label you as they please.

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1 minute ago, myladylove said:

I don’t like the one thing or the other label, ie straight or gay. I know I am somewhere in between but I do agree that it gets quite confusing. At the moment I would class myself as bisexual or bi fluid. I am trying to find an identity like this because I am unfairly and rudely labelled Lesbian in some social situations which makes me feel embarrassed. I want to feel comfortable with who I am so that when I am unfairly called one thing I can say with pride that I am in fact the other thing. The more you remain a mystery to be solved the more people label you as they please.

Your "label" mylady is that you are a wonderful,loving  lady with a wonderful loving pussy .I meant cat :P:angel:

 

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2 minutes ago, kairi said:

Your "label" mylady is that you are a wonderful,loving  lady with a wonderful loving pussy .I meant cat :P:angel:

 

Ha ha Kairi, and you are a sweet and witty friend. xxxx

Naughty too....

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1 minute ago, myladylove said:

Ha ha Kairi, and you are a sweet and witty friend. xxxx

Naughty too....

but you like my innocent naughtyness :lips:

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3 hours ago, N00Bi said:

I'm new to my bisexuality, so I like the label. And I, too, qualify as a hetero romantic bisexual. For me, while I am still wading through all of this and figuring out what my sexuality will play out as or how my life might look, finding that there are other people, that there was a word for it, has been very helpful for me.

Humans are social creatures by nature and we want to belong to a group. I am very analytical of myself and my thoughts and behavior, so when I find a label that explains something to me about myself and shows me that I'm not alone, I like it.

So while on the whole, I might not be a huge fan of labeling and putting things in boxes, I find naming things and putting a name to your feelings and experiences to be powerful. For instance, when a psychiatrist told me that I had anxiety and when I looked at the list of things that are typical of an adult woman with ADHD, it was eye-opening. It explained a lot. It doesn't mean that I use those labels as an excuse for anything, but it helped me to see the things I feel in a different light.

I agree.  When one finds out they are attracted to a woman, it can really be scary. Upbringing, religious beliefs come into play making the person feel very alone and even dirty. Discovering the Bisexual label gave me a grounding to start with. Over time then you just adapt to being just ME. 

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I was always bisexual and I knew what it was without really knowing. I didn't really feel that labels were helpful. They didn't bring me comfort or understanding because when I started to explore the feelings and possibilities out in the world, I quickly realized that there's very little seperating the labels if you're anything other than the norm. I get if you have no idea and you're feeling overwhelmed, how a label could be a starting point. In some ways a later discovery may have helped me, with things connected to a label, like pride, openness, shame and love.

One turn of the dial, I'm pansexual, polyamarous, lesbian or hetero bi-romantic. It's all there for the taking. For some people it's more certain and something to help guide you on your journey. I suddenly realized that there's this huge ocean with lots of mini streams and all I know how to feel is love and attraction, I don't care how you identify or what sexual organs you have, it's not going to change the potential I see in someone.

I only bother to label myself if it's necessary, I don't particularly care when people make assumptions, given that they don't know me and how I conduct myself why should it matter and why do I have to give them a marker. Animals are marked at slaughter houses, that's not comforting so why do people want to know someone else's orientation? I get it in the context of dating but out in the community, I just go out to have a good time and meet people, y'know? There must be joy and perhaps relief in I've found my people, I'm good!

 I've gone bi in polite conversations, been in female relationships where I'm apparently a lesbian. Crushing on my friend in drag and quietly enjoyed watching male orgies and they didn't care I was sitting in the corner. You never know what's round the corner and I'd rather let myself be than box myself in. Picking a crowd one day doesn't necessarily mean it'll be accurate the next.

We are the masters of our ships, I hope that most of us are brave enough to travel uncharted waters in search of happiness with or without a label.

Edited by Hungry
VOICE TEXT ERRORS.
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4 hours ago, N00Bi said:

 

So while on the whole, I might not be a huge fan of labeling and putting things in boxes, I find naming things and putting a name to your feelings and experiences to be powerful. For instance, when a psychiatrist told me that I had anxiety and when I looked at the list of things that are typical of an adult woman with ADHD, it was eye-opening. It explained a lot. It doesn't mean that I use those labels as an excuse for anything, but it helped me to see the things I feel in a different light.

I too found an ADHD diagnosis useful for understanding myself. It's helpful in noticing things and considering the way in which they are related. Initially though I tried to give it too much explanatory power, which may be part of the problem people are noting here of taking a label too far.

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I really don't like the labels. I think it's confining and stereotyping to a degree. But I do see how to a person just beginning the exploration of their sexuality, a definition of a feeling makes them feel less alone and perhaps more knowledgeable. Just as I did when I kept getting the ? upon describing myself. I think there are people who want to define a "type" so they can use it to bash people over the head too. I mean come on, sex and love have been here since the beginning of mankind. Why does a name have to turn into a radical statement within our own? I know there are some hard line people that think a Bi woman is a cop out lesbian or it's a gateway to go live in lesbian town. I am neither. I just like what I like and I am ok with the label of Me, because I am good with Me. I also don't want to war over a name. If some women do not like me because I like my cake and really like to eat it too. (yes, pun intended) then that's their issue not mine. I also say you be whom ever, you do what ever and and I'll do me. I was just wondering, and I certainly do love seeing all the different point of views here. Thank you all for sharing.

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Interesting that this topic came up in one of my lesbian community meet-ups.  Many of the women in the group have been married to men, and some define as bi, while others lez.  But a handful of us single gals question what we should label ourselves while not in a relationship.  Some of us felt it is necessary to be in a relationship with another woman to call ourselves "lesbian" and not default "bi" because we have been with men.

But if your single and just taking a break from dating or being in relationship what do you call yourself?

Probably not something a straight person would ever consider...

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11 minutes ago, Cloudburst said:

Interesting that this topic came up in one of my lesbian community meet-ups.  Many of the women in the group have been married to men, and some define as bi, while others lez.  But a handful of us single gals question what we should label ourselves while not in a relationship.  Some of us felt it is necessary to be in a relationship with another woman to call ourselves "lesbian" and not default "bi" because we have been with men.

But if your single and just taking a break from dating or being in relationship what do you call yourself?

Probably not something a straight person would ever consider...

Call yourself whatever you are. Relationship status doesn't change your orientation. Like you said, not something a straight person would ever consider. It's clearly ridiculous for them, so it's clearly ridiculous for LGBT people, kinda like the idea you have to have same-sex experience to identify as LGBT.

There's absolutely no reason a single lesbian can't call themselves a lesbian. I can understand being uncomfortable with doing so if you've only ever been in relationships with men and really aren't totally sure you're a lesbian or something like that. But if you're comfortable with it, go for it.

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@Cloudburst it sounds like your lesbian meet up is open to a broad range of people regardless of label. That's awesome!

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In my opinion, labels are only important as it applies to understanding your own sexuality. It’s interesting to think about what those labels mean to you personally, but it’s not really necessary to ‘pick’ one of those labels. If you want to label yourself, you should do so based on how YOU feel about your own sexuality, but don’t take it too seriously, it’ll probably change and fluctuate with your views and feelings at different points in time. 

I like to think of myself as bisexual...simply bisexual, all this business of hetero-romantic, homo-flexible, fluid-sexual, etc makes my head spin. There are a million labels in the ‘gray area’ these days but I choose not to buy into it. I like to think about and understand how I feel about men and women sexually and romantically  but I don’t feel the need to put a name on it. 

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10 hours ago, Cloudburst said:

Interesting that this topic came up in one of my lesbian community meet-ups.  Many of the women in the group have been married to men, and some define as bi, while others lez.  But a handful of us single gals question what we should label ourselves while not in a relationship.  Some of us felt it is necessary to be in a relationship with another woman to call ourselves "lesbian" and not default "bi" because we have been with men.

But if your single and just taking a break from dating or being in relationship what do you call yourself?

Probably not something a straight person would ever consider...

I don't think it makes any difference if your in a relationship or not, if your Bi, your Bi. I'm single and just on my own, but I'm still Bi. If I was in a relationship with a woman I'd still identify as Bi because I'm still attracted to men. If I was Lesbian, I'd not be attracted to men at all. Only my thoughts here tho. Just be you. 

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1 hour ago, Vampire said:

I don't think it makes any difference if your in a relationship or not, if your Bi, your Bi. I'm single and just on my own, but I'm still Bi. If I was in a relationship with a woman I'd still identify as Bi because I'm still attracted to men. If I was Lesbian, I'd not be attracted to men at all. Only my thoughts here tho. Just be you. 

Agree entirely. There is a new Lesbian meet up started in my town in August of this year. I would be afraid to go much as I would like friendship/romance with Lesbians cos whether they like it or not I am bi. I did lie once years back and state I was Lesbian to a Lesbian couple for fear of their rejection but things have moved on since then and I understand myself more clearly. I think bi fluid suits me best but when asked I would probably just sa bi. Very shy bi....

 

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48 minutes ago, myladylove said:

Agree entirely. There is a new Lesbian meet up started in my town in August of this year. I would be afraid to go much as I would like friendship/romance with Lesbians cos whether they like it or not I am bi. I did lie once years back and state I was Lesbian to a Lesbian couple for fear of their rejection but things have moved on since then and I understand myself more clearly. I think bi fluid suits me best but when asked I would probably just sa bi. Very shy bi....

 

You could reach out to the organizers and ask if it's ok for bisexuals to attend as well. They might well be happy to have you!

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3 hours ago, myladylove said:

Agree entirely. There is a new Lesbian meet up started in my town in August of this year. I would be afraid to go much as I would like friendship/romance with Lesbians cos whether they like it or not I am bi. I did lie once years back and state I was Lesbian to a Lesbian couple for fear of their rejection but things have moved on since then and I understand myself more clearly. I think bi fluid suits me best but when asked I would probably just sa bi. Very shy bi....

 

if you don't mind me asking where is your town? wish I could find place to go but would hate to go alone for similar reasons x

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1 hour ago, Shy cat said:

if you don't mind me asking where is your town? wish I could find place to go but would hate to go alone for similar reasons x

If you google meet ups you can find out what gay and bi meet ups are in your area. I live in South East England so not near you, sorry. x 

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9 hours ago, myladylove said:

Agree entirely. There is a new Lesbian meet up started in my town in August of this year. I would be afraid to go much as I would like friendship/romance with Lesbians cos whether they like it or not I am bi. I did lie once years back and state I was Lesbian to a Lesbian couple for fear of their rejection but things have moved on since then and I understand myself more clearly. I think bi fluid suits me best but when asked I would probably just sa bi. Very shy bi....

 

Lol. Very witty here. 

In your case  (because of the abuse you'v endured) I'd probably go and lie. Say your Lesbian to check it out. Let's face it, it's 50% right. After meeting the right lady, you can then tell her more. If she's the right one, it wont matter. As for the rest of the group, it's none of their business. 

For me, my sexual preferences are my business. I don't feel the need to tell anyone. It doesn't bother me now as though Shys here I've been able to understand myself and that's the only thing that really matters. 

If there's a neet up, you go girl. They don't really need to know everything.  The potential is there to maybe meet Mrs Right. Xxxx

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@myladylove

You could maybe walk into the meet up, telling your sooo confused, saying, "well ladies, i have this problem... I have a weird Bisexual tendency, an affliction. i need a good woman who can get me sorted and on the right path. A strong , dedicated and kind woman. Is there anyone who will take up the challenge?  Worth a go you think? Lol. Maybe don't do it in your area.  (Just kidding)

 

Edited by Vampire
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