UnicornKween

How do you prefer to be approached?

24 posts in this topic

So I've been following one of my favorite queer youtubers Ari Fitz for a while and she posed a very good question. 

How do you prefer to be approached?

Often we're used to feeling uncomfortable when being apprached, so a lot of the time we try to make sure that when we're approaching someone to avoid making it weird, creepy or uncomfortable.

With that in mind, sometimes we might meet someone who we think is just being nice but they're actually trying to send signals. So is there an opportunity for us to be more assertive? In what way? 

I'm really curious about your experiences of some really good and bad times a woman has approached you, your preference on how you like being approached and some do's and don'ts. 

Alright and go!

Happy Holidays

Edited by UnicornKween
1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ideally, starting with hello is always nice :P I don't particularly like anyone overly flirtatous or aggressive. I'm suspicious of anyone who is extremely complimentary or too nice after only a few seconds. It's great when someone looks at your face and is willing to make conversation rather than pedal an agenda.

We don't get a lot of say in how we're approached or have the insight into how someone else wants to be approached outside of body language and responses. Also knowing when someone isn't interested and letting it go is vital. Humor is subjective, I don't find basic jokes funny and someone who just met you shouldn't be getting overly familiar. I've had people try to rile or tease me and that's meant to make me like them? :lol:

Awkwardness is a factor too, where people don't say what they really mean or much of anything at all in some cases. I approach people with the idea that it's nothing more than a conversation if you allow yourself to think further than that it can be overwhelming.

Liquid courage can do all sorts of things to people as well so if you're head isn't clear don't bother, unless that person is on the same level and you can be idiots together! That sort of awareness comes with maturity and experience. I didn't think about how I came across until I got older. You don't just want someone to tolerate you. You want to be memorable and worthy of respect.

Edited by Hungry
ERRORS
3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, interesting.....It's never happened, so I really don't know. I don't like super aggressive, but I do like a woman who takes charge. But being a little nervous or shy could be cute too...hell, at this point, I think I would be happy with a woman just approaching me, period! I'll take whatever I can get, lol :rolleyes::lol: 

8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello and a smile would be a good start. After that it’s up to the person to make conversation that clearly indicates their agenda without being too direct. I think they call it ‘clever conversation’. Best delivered with a bit of humour though, eases the awkwardness.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Friendly and comfortable.  Even if I were single blunt aggression would raise the drawbridge on my interests.  Too forceful, too shy, too seemingly uncomfortable with themselves or interactions are all signs that someone's way too internally preoccupied for me to slip into the dance already in progress.  

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Being a bit shy myself, I like assertive (but not aggressive) women. And if I am approached with some humorous comment that makes sense in the situation even better.  A hint of 'classy flirting' as opposed to in your face over the top flirting is very cool.  Any woman who radiates confidence (but not cockiness of course) is truly a beautiful woman!  

7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally agree with most of the previous posts, I'd like someone approaching me to be self-confident, but not egocentric nor aggressive, it would just feel awkward and uncomfortable. Someone flirty but giving me some "emergency exit" space is the ideal, as if someone is pushing it too much I feel trapped and freak out >.<

 

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Confident and as straightforward as possible. 

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just say hello and ask me out. That's what usually works. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If she has swag and mad confidence that is a HUGE turn-on for me. So if walked up to me and said, "hey sexy" or "hey beautiful" that would definitely score her major points, lol. I definitely want her to let me know what time it is right from the get-go. Funny thing is when a guy tries to use a similar pick-up line with me it just grosses me out. I'm like, "ugh, leave me alone." 

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I definitely like people to be very direct and assertive because I'm pretty shy myself and get very nervous about approaching women. I always worry that I've somehow misinterpreted the situation and that I'll come across as creepy.

Edited by suncat
1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/10/2018 at 0:37 PM, suncat said:

I definitely like people to be very direct and assertive because I'm pretty shy myself and get very nervous about approaching women. I always worry that I've somehow misinterpreted the situation and that I'll come across as creepy.

Yeah I worry about this too. I try to send out queer vibes as much as possible to minimize uncertainty about whether I like women (I do! You for example, queen of the metro *doffs fedora*) As you can tell from that excerpt I'm pretty bad at flirting so I stick with regular conversation. I like it if somebody is willing to engage me on a serious subject like physics or Cryptocurrency. We don't need to bare our souls on first meeting, but I'd rather nt chat endlessly about the weather.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Apparently what works for me is for a woman to build a rapport with me (I need more than one time of meeting someone for there to be attraction), then be REALLY overt about her interest.  That's how my last two relationships started.  LOL 

The first was a woman my husband and I had dated back when we did the triad thing, and she and I reconnected, initially as friends, a few months after I left him.  We'd been hanging out a lot, and she finally said that she had other interests in me (in much more frank terms than I am using). 

The woman I am with now I met online, and we went out a couple of times, and at the end of the second date, she started kind of hinting around, then came right out with it.  In retrospect (and talking with her), there were a couple of times she tried to test the waters during our second date, but I totally wasn't picking up what she was putting down!  LOL  Even when she did make per proposition, I needed some time to consider it.  I appreciate that she gave me that time.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 17/02/2018 at 2:45 AM, ChemFem said:

Yeah I worry about this too. I try to send out queer vibes as much as possible to minimize uncertainty about whether I like women (I do! You for example, queen of the metro *doffs fedora*) As you can tell from that excerpt I'm pretty bad at flirting so I stick with regular conversation. I like it if somebody is willing to engage me on a serious subject like physics or Cryptocurrency. We don't need to bare our souls on first meeting, but I'd rather nt chat endlessly about the weather.

Haha I've never quite figured out what flirting actually is and how it works (apparently I accidentally do it sometimes though?) but yeah I agree that talking about a more serious topic is a better way to really get close to someone than endless small talk. I must admit I know nothing about physics or cryptocurrency though :P also working on the queer vibes thing.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, suncat said:

Haha I've never quite figured out what flirting actually is and how it works (apparently I accidentally do it sometimes though?) but yeah I agree that talking about a more serious topic is a better way to really get close to someone than endless small talk. I must admit I know nothing about physics or cryptocurrency though :P also working on the queer vibes thing.

Just using those as examples that my friends talk about a lot. I could replace those with art history and comparative religion and the point would still stand.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/10/2018 at 2:37 PM, suncat said:

I definitely like people to be very direct and assertive because I'm pretty shy myself and get very nervous about approaching women. I always worry that I've somehow misinterpreted the situation and that I'll come across as creepy.

I feel the same way. I've always been told that I don't know when someone is flirting with me. I'm shy as well and since this is new to me, I'm very nervous thinking about approaching a woman.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me, it's all about a good conversation and liking the other person. I'd like to build a rapport with that person first.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like a simple hello but when they look you in your eyes just a little too long and you both can't help but smile until one of you look away. It's super sexy to me.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Never been the type that was into a person (male or female) being overly forward. I like the friend approach.. that’s my approach and I feel more comfortable when Approached like that. Once that Ice is broken everything else is fair game.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I prefer to be approached in the same way I approach someone, male or female, it doesn't matter. With class, style, sophistication and respect.

When someone approaches me because they are flirting or chatting me up, they need to show that they are really interested in me as a person. I respond much better to someone who has a bit about him/her. Oh and particularly guys, when they start with stuff like 'hi babe/hun' and immediately make sexual innuendos, it irritates me. That also applies to some girls in gay clubs, they can be just as forthright. It's not classy.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/6/2018 at 10:12 PM, Melvie said:

I like a simple hello but when they look you in your eyes just a little too long and you both can't help but smile until one of you look away. It's super sexy to me.

I have to agree, that is sexy. When I worked at the gas station, that happened with one girl. She stopped coming in so could never talk to her. Now that I work at home, I definitely need to start getting out more. Good thing, my sister (who I live with now) is super supportive of me liking women. So next time a meetup is going on with that one group, she already said I can use her car. I seriously need wheels, LoL. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anyway. As long as it's polite. :air_kiss:

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, Vampire said:

Anyway. As long as it's polite. :air_kiss:

Agreed

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I were approached I would like it if they smiled first of all.  Then once introductions were out of the way make small talk. Find a common interest so we are not nervously searching for something to say. If all goes well then hopefully she would ask if we could meet up again, maybe exchange numbers.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now