Confused2015

Is this all in my head?

18 posts in this topic

Ok I know nothing will happen between me and this woman but I feel like it's driving me insane not knowing if she likes me or if it's all in my head.

she is my coworker. We were on a train today and there was no where easy for me to hold so she said to hold her hand so I didn't fall over- i did and then after a few seconds she pulled away and looked nervous. She then grabbed it again a few moments later and we stayed like that until there was more room. I can easy put this down to a caring friend.

however later this evening a group of us from work were walking to an event. She holds my hand on the way there. She then grabs my other coworker but only linking her arm through- she doesn't hold her hand (I read it's important to see how people react with others compared to you when gauging this sort of thing). She let's go of the other coworker but keeps holding my hand until we arrive. Later this other coworker was like "what was that, she was holding your hand!" 

Later at this event we were going upstairs, our hands brush and we hold hands going up the stairs and as we walk into the room. She made a comment which was hard to hear but she said that it would be fun coming to this event together and that we look like a couple because we were holding hands. 

there are other things she does, but I felt like the hand holding was significant, quite an intimate thing to do. What do you think about this??

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Hmm,  from what you posted, I would say she definitely likes you! Do you want something to happen with her?

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As, this is adorable! I've had people use the falling over on the subway excuse before too.

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7 hours ago, BellaLuna said:

Hmm,  from what you posted, I would say she definitely likes you! Do you want something to happen with her?

I do want something to happen but she is married and it's not the type of marriage where she can see other people. So I just find myself in this weird game with her not knowing if she likes me or not or how it is she likes me.

but I just find hand holding a real big move, particularly as we were around other people we work with (although she was really discreet about when she was holding it)

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Yep, I hear ya. I would have considered the handholding a pretty bold gesture too, based on the info you've been given. 

Edited by BellaLuna
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1 hour ago, BellaLuna said:

Yep, I hear ya. I would have considered the handholding a pretty bold gesture too, based on the info you've been given. 

So would say you the hand holding I describe is because she likes me like that? Or it could just be a friendship thing?

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It definitely seems like more than a friendship thing.  The whole thing is very sweet, but I understand the complications for you in the situation. 

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Congratulation! If you can be cool about it, I suggest that you enjoy the holding hands every now and then and do not overanalyse things. Something might unfold in due time. Forget about whether she likes you or not because this question will mess up your brain cells and will cause too much stress for you. Things need time and relating to women needs patience. Step up a bit if you can, like caress her hand with your thumb when you're holding hands. You've got to do this in a natural and casual way. Keep us updated:)

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On 10/12/2017 at 7:55 AM, blueberry said:

Congratulation! If you can be cool about it, I suggest that you enjoy the holding hands every now and then and do not overanalyse things. Something might unfold in due time. Forget about whether she likes you or not because this question will mess up your brain cells and will cause too much stress for you. Things need time and relating to women needs patience. Step up a bit if you can, like caress her hand with your thumb when you're holding hands. You've got to do this in a natural and casual way. Keep us updated:)

Hi blueberry - the caressing her hand with my thumb seems like a good move. I will give that a go. The Christmas holidays will probably now get in the way of seeing her properly- sigh :( 

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@Confused2015 You'll be alright. You divert your attention on Christmas holiday so you won't miss her so much. On your next moves, stay friendly and close to her and see if she comes to you again. Avoid giving her mixed signals like, you're not interested or avoiding her. Always acknowledge her. If there's an open opportunity to compliment her, do it in a natural way. Humour her. If you can make her laugh then she'll feel more relaxed to you. You don't want to come too strong because you don't know if she's into women or not, am I right? Basically, you're testing the water. Have fun but be cautious.  

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This is such good advice. I have this habit of not acknowledging her sometimes which probably gives her mixed signals and we go back to square one. I get nervous/scared (probably fear of rejection) and then can't even look at her. Made a real effort today to make sure I did. We didn't get much time to chat however we did have a conversation and she grabbed my hand as she was emphasising a point, complimented me and playful pushed me over as I was bent over so I feel like we ended on a good footing before the holidays 

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Not much of an update, she has shown some actions which I think are flirtatious like when laughing leaning forward and putting her head into my neck and randomly when waiting to go through a security door, and again in a lift, she hugged me from behind- all good I thought. 

Today we were with someone else and I made a comment that was flirtatious and the guy said to her whether she would be up for it with me. She said no and that I didn’t float her boat. I was like fine and laughed. Later we were alone and she said she had brought me up in a meeting about something which was a positive for me. I said that she had only slightly redeemed herself for earlier when she said she didn’t want me. She said no it’s me not you, I’m just not ready yet and laughed. 

I am confused whether it was a joking thing to say about not being ready and actually she isn’t comfortable with her sexuality and does like me (and maybe wanted to just deny all liking in front of this guy), or she really doesn’t like me and I should back off!  She really messes with my head. It’s like her mouth says one thing and her we’d say something else, like she says  I don’t float her boat and yet when the train rocked today and she fell into me, to the point we nearly kissed, she gave me this huge smile that left me like wft

Edited by Confused2015
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@Confused2015 Don’t know if this is helpful but from my experience....

she may like you but could be unsure about her own sexuality. But I would try not to read too much into it. You will drive yourself crazy. When she is ready, she will come to you. Try finding someone who will give you that affection publicly. 

 

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On 03/02/2018 at 11:13 PM, girlwiththephoenixtattoo said:

@Confused2015 Don’t know if this is helpful but from my experience....

she may like you but could be unsure about her own sexuality. But I would try not to read too much into it. You will drive yourself crazy. When she is ready, she will come to you. Try finding someone who will give you that affection publicly. 

 

Been trying not to think about it too much as it is driving me nuts but it’s like when I try not to she does something to set me off again.

Yesterday she kept telling me how good my legs looked and how hot I looked. In front of a friend she had said how hot I looked and my friend asked if she thought what I was wearing was hot or whether it was me she found hot. My crush said she found what I was wearing hot and that I was a sexy friend. I said “oh ok a friend, thanks, I’m going to stop trying with you now”. To that she quickly started playing with my zip near my chest and told me not to stop.

Theoughout the day another coworker had mentioned a girl I was talking to and I had said she was hot to which my crush looked jealous. I thought it might have just been me thinking that however my friend from earlier mentioned to me how pissed off my crush looked about it. 

later on the way home together (just me and her), we were talking and she said how me and the friend from earlier were good friends. I said yeah we are close I guess as we both have something on each other. My crush replied “she has on you that you are into me, there she has nothing on you anymore”. I said I guess that’s that then. She then said “If I batted for your team then its you I would want to be with. I’d do everything with you...but we couldn’t get drunk” (against her religion). So I am guessing she’s telling me we would be having sex ;) while on the train it was really noisy and she was leaning into me, whispering into my ear- it took so much self control. 

So she’s pretty clued up I’m into her but the fact that she was happily in my personal space I’m guessing means it doesn’t bother her. I am wondering if her telling me she would be with me means she has some attraction? You wouldn’t just say that right? I’m a lesbian and have never really had attraction to men so I couldn’t imagine saying/acting like that towards a guy, so wondering from you bi ladies if you would act this way if you are attracted? 

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Oh yeah, it seems beyond a doubt to me that this woman is into you and wants more. Prob time for an open conversation about what you both want.

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Yay! Your patience has paid off. I'm happy for you. She's opening up. A bit more time in my opinion. Just build that closeness between you. Don't expect too much, though. Just enjoy each moment. Don't make her feel jealous. No playing games. No mixed signals. I know it's a bit of an effort but that's how I think things can work out. By the way, what do you expect in case she's into you? Are you cool to have a.married GF? KEEP us updated. 

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From the way you describe this woman's body language, comments and how tactile she is, I'd say she is without a doubt into you.

How it plays out from now, bearing in mind she is in a difficult situation, is a different issue. But yes, the signs are that she is very attracted to you.

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16 hours ago, blueberry said:

Yay! Your patience has paid off. I'm happy for you. She's opening up. A bit more time in my opinion. Just build that closeness between you. Don't expect too much, though. Just enjoy each moment. Don't make her feel jealous. No playing games. No mixed signals. I know it's a bit of an effort but that's how I think things can work out. By the way, what do you expect in case she's into you? Are you cool to have a.married GF? KEEP us updated. 

If she’s into me and does want something to happen then I am more than happy for that to happen. Fine with her being married, she is in a relationship which doesn’t make her happy but religion, her children, and her upbringing all make her stay as it’s what she believes. But I care for her a lot and would be happy to have the smallest thing with her. 

She mentioned going to visit a friend’s memorial and then after going to a bar she knows. She didn’t mention other people from work so I am wondering if it’s just us. I am thinking of following up on this. 

Patience is definately the key with her, I know from experience with her that if I do something a bit more than she expects then it takes her a while to process but as she mentioned the drink I’m hoping I am in safe territory to ask further about it. 

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