crushing

In love

31 posts in this topic

Thank you all for sharing your similar experiences and advice!

@Ona where can I find your thread (friend crush)? I've looked around the site for it and couldn't find it. I guess that falling in love doesn't allow you to think with a clear head and makes you obsessed with the person. It's so hard to move on, especially when I have to see her almost every day that I work. But she has been treating me very coldly lately so I don't even want to see her anymore. I am hurt by her actions every time. 

@Mandolin thank you for your kind words and compliments! The rose colored glasses are definitely off now. There is a very irrational and angry person that I hadn't seen before within her. I don't really understand why she's behaving this way towards me, but it's definitely not making me want to be around her. I'm sad that she doesn't feel comfortable being honest and talking to me about what's going on in her head. Fortunately, I am making progress with my therapy sessions. She's helping me come to terms with my crush's actions. She feels that she is behaving this way because she probably actually has feelings for me, but can't cope with them in her life right now. It's all just too complicated for her to handle and therefore she's just decided to run away from it and build this wall to protect herself from it. She feels that she's probably really scared and unskilled in handling this type of situation. She said that the fact that she's overreacting to it shows that there are feelings involved. Otherwise, she would not be making such a big deal of it. There is more to it than she's willing to admit. I just wish that she had the courage to be honest with me because this behavior is very hurtful to me. I told my therapist that her behavior makes me feel like she is totally disgusted and put off by me which is why she is cold and distant. Even though she had reciprocated on the dance floor and other times, it's just gotten too real and scary for her now. I plan to confront her again some time soon about our friendship if she's willing to talk. I have written something that I will text to her when the time is right. I need to clear the air again with her and make the workplace more bearable. Right now, I feel like she dreads any interaction with me and I'm starting to feel the same way about it since she's been acting like a real jerk to me. I hope that a candid conversation about our friendship will help make things better if she's open to it. I am so confused and hurt by her recent behaviors. 

@softfruit yup, I'm definitely seeing more of the bad bits now. But for some reason, I still long to be with her because I still remember all the great things about her. She is just so angry right now and I'm not sure why. I am moving out of wanting to be in a romantic relationship with her because she obviously has a lot more issues than I was aware of, but I still want to be her friend. I miss hanging out with her and texting with her for hours. I felt like I knew her so well, but apparently I didn't. I can feel that we are both in a world of hurt right now. She is showing up to work with her eyes all puffy from crying the night before as am I. But I'm not experiencing the anger that she's going through, I'm just super sad about the situation. If she were to apologize to me for her behavior and explain herself, I know I would forgive her. However, I would need her to stop acting this way if we are to continue our friendship. I love her, but I will not allow a friend to treat me this way. I have given her a lot of slack lately due to the situation, but that will stop soon. I just wish she would be honest with me and come to terms with her feelings.

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Hi all!

Another sad day for me with this friendship. Today I have officially confirmed that this friendship is over! She does not want to have any further contact with me beyond what we have to do at work. I asked to meet with her for coffee or even talk on the phone about it to clear the air, but she wholeheartedly refused. I know for sure now that she had absolutely zero romantic interest in me. Obviously from how she's treated me lately she also didn't invest in our friendship at all. She's been downright mean about it all. She told me that she can't be friends with somebody she can't trust. I don't get it. I really thought that I knew her better than that. It is so disappointing to see people's true colors sometimes. Is it common among lesbians to be so defensive when somebody expresses interest in them? In my experiences with men in this regard they are much kinder and feel flattered, not threatened. Her reactions have been extreme and hurtful. Losing her friendship is tough, but she wasn't the kind person that I thought she was. She is filled with anger and I'm terribly saddened by it. How could I have been so blinded by her? And now that I know the truth about her, why am I still sad? Please send me your thoughts and advice on how to move on and get past this world of hurt I'm in. 

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Ouch. In some ways she is doing you a favor by refusing her toxic company, but I'm sure it doesn't feel that way for you right now. I don't think it's a general lesbian trait at all, simply her immature manner of dealing with emotions.

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Here is a link to my similar story (except my friend was not a lesbian, but otherwise very similar behavior). I hope it works and i hope it helps you. I basically did a lot of interspection and thinking about what I wanted in the future and got a lot of support on here and from my husband. It really ended up as one giant learning experience for me, and was very necessary for me to get where I am now. And I like where I am. Wishing the same for you!

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I don't understand the part where she said you cannot be trusted - what do you think she meant by that? I guess maybe that guy but really? If she's holding onto that then she has bigger issues. Actually, it does appear she has a whole other side to her that perhaps you are better off this way. You sound like such a sweet and caring person and you deserve better! Time will help, hun. Maybe when you're ready to put yourself out there, try the dating world. The perfect person for you is waiting, somewhere!

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@crushing How long have you known her as a friend? If she were a sweet person before all these dramas, then there's a big reason why she's acting out. Do you really have to know it? No. This is her problem, whether it's something else, her broken heart or it's about you She has the right not to share it with you. She might tell you when she's ready. For now, she's not ready and she's tormented.  If I were in your shoes, I would leave her to sort out her head. I know that it's hard because of your feelings for her but the more you invite her, the more it's gonna go worse. She's not coping well enough with whatever she's struggling in. You have to give her some, or a LOT of space. I wouldn't  jump in straight away about her, having bigger issues or she's not what she is. And if she does, who doesn't have bigger issues in life anyway? Who doesn't have baggage? Some people got two face: the one showing that I'm okay, cheerful and hopeful in life and the one hiding that I'm scared, alone and fucked up. So? I'm not saying that she's like this. And if she is, what say you? Who knows?  I know that you're hurting but I can see from your story that she needs space, understanding, peace and quiet time for her self. Give her that. As.A.Friend. Move on. When she's sorted and back to her usual self, then maybe you'll see again the friend that you used to admire then.  

My 2cents. 

Edited by blueberry
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