morningsunrise

Attraction to a Specific Type

7 posts in this topic

Hello, ladies. Past member here coming back on after a long break. I hope you'll indulge me a bit on this one...

So, something happened that has me questioning some things. I recently had an interaction with a female first responder. From the moment I saw her, I was entranced. She - tall and athletic build with a strong jawline yet long chestnut hair and a natural, all-American pretty face - embodied all that I find attractive in a woman physically and mentally. She was firm yet compassionate, take-charge yet accommodating, a director and a caretaker. A sort of "perfect" blend (to me) of masculine and feminine, if you will, with her being on the slightly more masculine side of the spectrum. (And, to clarify, it wasn't just the "uniform" - I did my due diligence and sneaked a peek at a few social media photos of her - with her wife, long sigh!-, and she looked amazing no matter what she wore - dresses, soccer uniforms, etc.!)

The thing is I've only ever met or seen (in real life) a handful of women like her, who completely fit my subconscious criteria for an all-encompassing attraction that makes me desire a full-on relationship. I suddenly realized that this might be a big part of the "why" I've only tried one relationship with a woman...I hadn't been exposed to my kind of woman! To test my hypothesis, I downloaded Tinder and started swiping like crazy - out of a hundred+ women, I was only fully intrigued (body, heart and mind) by three. Oy! I started remembering my ex-girlfriend and how much I loved her but how our dynamic never quite felt "right"...which ultimately made me question my sexuality (as opposed to just questioning her and that relationship).

So, now I've got myself thinking...am I bisexual if I have such a narrow desire for a specific type (pretty sure I already know the answer to this!)? And am I "less" (like in a Kinsey scale kind of way) bisexual if so? And even crazier of a thought, am I even more bisexual if so?! (Because this type of woman makes me want to completely engage with her on *every* level!) And lastly...why is this type of woman so poorly represented on dating apps?!

I'm not really expecting anyone to answer my crazy questions, but I would be very grateful to hear any and all thoughts and personal experiences.

Edited by morningsunrise
Minor typo.
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Good morning... x

Firstly does it matter how bi you are...does it..?..

I dont put myself into any catogories...i like who i do..thats it..... x

Im married to a man...getting divorced..i once loved him very much....

but now i have an amazing girlfriend who im infatuated with....call me what you want i cant get enough of her...

Would i be bi...cos at the mo i cant think of anything else but being with her..so am i lesbian?...who cares..i certainly don't...lol...

I like to say im fluid...because i just love who i love...no matter what sex...but she is wonderful and i wanna be with her for ever more..so am i lesbian?...haha..fuck knows..and who cares....

Your type of woman is out there...somewhere you just gotta...find them and make the connection....

Kinda sounds like us two really...very sporty..I'm more masculine side but only slightly cos of haircut...both very fit.. athletic...muscular...its like clash of the titans when we meet....ohhh.!!..lol..

Keep looking babe dont give up...shes out there... x x

 

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Everyone has a type - or multiple types.  Some people's tastes are more narrow than others (dare I say 'fussy'?) but there is nothing at all wrong with that. You like what you like.  For example with men, I solely prefer big, chubby but solidly built, extremely hairy (especially hands and knuckles!), I suppose rather brutish looking, men - lots of women don't get it, and it's a running joke with my mates (in a good humoured way - it's a joke I'm very much in on).  Has that narrowed my scope over the years? Yep! However I've ended up married to a guy who I absolutely love as a person, and who physically fits most of those criteria (I'll just have to put Regain or something on his hands lol). 

Yes, ok, it won't exactly make life easy as you're narrowing your odds significantly, but as the only other alternative is to artificially widen your scope and therefore settle for something you wouldn't be ever totally happy with then it sounds like you just need to find new ways to work your preferences into how you look for someone.

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Thanks, ladies! Your replies were so helpful and refreshing.

Beaulieu1 - I love your "just roll with it" outlook. Thank you for sharing, and congrats on your amazing catch! I'm definitely one to quickly find myself falling deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of over-thinking. You're right - putting a label on myself really doesn't change anything.

ThatsNoMoon - Great name, btw! You had me in stitches over your Rogaine comment...too funny. Want to trade husbands? Mine has knuckles so hairy, he tweezes the hairs off because they irritate him - true story!

Interestingly, my husband isn't my type for a guy - I like tall (he's shorter), I like smooth (he's hairy), I like big hands and long fingers (his are, umm, stubby), etc., and I'm pretty sure that is a factor for why I'm struggling to stay attracted to him. So, agreed, "settling for someone I wouldn't ever be totally happy with" isn't the best idea, though I'm not really in a position these days to be looking anyway. :rolleyes:

 

 

Edited by morningsunrise
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Yes, I find that I am attracted to two specific types of women.

1.Dark curly hair, warm brown eyes, and curvy.

2. Red hair, blue eyes, curvy, with a strong or prominent jawline.  

And that perfect blend of assertive, but humble that you mentioned.

Not every woman who fits the physical descriptions above catches my attention, though. There is something else that is hard to describe.  I think it has something to do with how much attention they give me. Not sure if that makes sense. 

Edited by Curious Jane
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@Morningsunrise.  In my opinion, yes you are still Bisexual but maybe not as fluid as some. In a way it's good you know exactly what you want. 

I've only been with one lady. Mostly because no one is attracted to me. Where I live is very straight. (Rural Australia, your typical country town). Bisexuality isn't heard of let alone spoken about.  My type is more about the person. Their personality, if they are kind, soft and genuine but strong and assertive when needed. Physically, someone who is tallish, but not taller than me, slender with a lovely smile and smell yummy. :air_kiss: But now I'm going on 55, that's just a dream.

My biggest problem, even when younger is, to get that wonderful personality and the physical appearance to be in the same person is near impossible. The physical appearance isn't a worry for me tho, it's really about the person. Even with men. Even at this moment, I'm somehow attracted to a nice lady a couple of years older than me but..... she's very straight, she voted NO in the recent Australian vote on Marriage Equality. She's a total opposite to me in interests. For some strange reason, I'm attracted to her. Why? I have No idea.  We wouldn't last a week, lol. She fits my ideal lady physically (only a preference) but not mentally or in personality, or I'd say emotionally. I'm an emotional person and we'd clash no end. This is just an example of my luck when it comes to love and the affairs of the heart. Getting all the bits and pieces to fit into a nice bundle is impossible for me. I guess I'm fussy in a way on my type as well. But, I'm as Bi as you'd get. As we age I think we shift from physical attraction to the personality more. 

 

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I would say if you are attracted to some women, you're bi.

I will say that in the beginning, who I was attracted to was quite narrow, but as I've become more comfortable and experienced with my attraction to women, my horizons have broadened.  I used to have a pretty strict type, and rarely, even now, am I instantly attracted to someone.  They generally have to grow on me.  My GF, for example, is much more butch than I would have ever gone for at first glance.  But she reached out to me online, and I figured I'd give her a chance and see how things were in person.  Even then, it took a couple times of meeting to feel something (and for her to be very clear about her interest in me), but now I am REALLY glad I gave her a chance, and I am incredibly attracted to her.

I would say be open, and try not to be so picky about pics on an app.  Looks fade, but who she really is will be there forever.

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