Rani

Differences between sex with male vs female

90 posts in this topic

As a bi girl who has not done it with either except through online/phone means i am curious to know. From my long distance experience it seems females are more likely to be flexible and equal minded during sex. 

I am sure there are individual differences but i wonder in general what the differences are. I like a girl long distance. She will visit me in April and i will find out more then. I have also liked guys online in the past but  never had a chance to meet.

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This is probably an individual question and everyone who comments will have a different answer I'd reckon. 

For me, I'd prefer a woman as they are more understanding and more gentle. I'm an emotional person and a romantic, so a woman fulfils that need for me. Sexually, I'm not big on penetration itself but gentle fingering, kissing and licking are more stimulating. Basically, foreplay stuff is my thing. A woman is better and more understanding of this. Some men maybe good in this department but, none I have met. I guess it comes down to, we have the same equipment, so know how to use it. 

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I have had one experience and was pretty mind blowing to be honest. A lot more sensual and intense x

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On 09/01/2018 at 9:01 PM, Curiouslouisa01 said:

I have had one experience and was pretty mind blowing to be honest. A lot more sensual and intense x

With a woman? I ask because i have a long distance gf i really love. Ive never had sexual relations with a guy or girl. I just want to know if i can never physical relations with a guy who accepts my situation will i be missing out. Missing out on anything apart from children but then there are other ways for that.

 Hope i can explore the physical side when i meet her 

 

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On 09/01/2018 at 7:15 PM, Vampire said:

This is probably an individual question and everyone who comments will have a different answer I'd reckon. 

For me, I'd prefer a woman as they are more understanding and more gentle. I'm an emotional person and a romantic, so a woman fulfils that need for me. Sexually, I'm not big on penetration itself but gentle fingering, kissing and licking are more stimulating. Basically, foreplay stuff is my thing. A woman is better and more understanding of this. Some men maybe good in this department but, none I have met. I guess it comes down to, we have the same equipment, so know how to use it. 

Thanks Vampire. Really appreciate your response. I like reading your posts. My story is that i have not had chance to have sexual relations with a female or male. Never found someone single, available and someone i had an emotional connection with. 

Now ive fallen in love with a woman who loves me long distance. She will visit me in April and she is committed for long term. Committed enough to want to carry my eggs in form of a baby through ivf. 

I dont know if i will find a guy ok with my relationship who i have enough of an emotional connection with to have a relationship and children with.

 

So i was wondering whether if i never had sex with a male being a bi woman im missing out. 

Thanks for your answer. Its very reassuring. Im emotional and a romantic like you. I agree its because we have the same equipment. 

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4 hours ago, Rani said:

With a woman? I ask because i have a long distance gf i really love. Ive never had sexual relations with a guy or girl. I just want to know if i can never physical relations with a guy who accepts my situation will i be missing out. Missing out on anything apart from children but then there are other ways for that.

 Hope i can explore the physical side when i meet her 

 

Yes I found it more intense with a woman. To be blunt the orgasms were different. Seemed to last longer and were more frequent. Could be just me though lol. It depends if you’re attracted to men I suppose. If I absolutely had to choose one or the other it would be a man x

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4 hours ago, Rani said:

Thanks Vampire. Really appreciate your response. I like reading your posts. My story is that i have not had chance to have sexual relations with a female or male. Never found someone single, available and someone i had an emotional connection with. 

Now ive fallen in love with a woman who loves me long distance. She will visit me in April and she is committed for long term. Committed enough to want to carry my eggs in form of a baby through ivf. 

I dont know if i will find a guy ok with my relationship who i have enough of an emotional connection with to have a relationship and children with.

 

So i was wondering whether if i never had sex with a male being a bi woman im missing out. 

Thanks for your answer. Its very reassuring. Im emotional and a romantic like you. I agree its because we have the same equipment. 

I don't think you should commit yourself until you have been with both genders.  I'm guessing you are young? You have plenty of time. Please don't rush into anything  There are some good guys out there (I didn't find any), lol. To be straight.... sex for a man is about fucking. Getting his penis as far in as possible, up to your tonsils if possible. To a woman, (most of), it's about love, emotion, romance, erotic stimulations.  Most woman, ( I think it's around 75%. don't orgasm by penetration alone. On the other hand, the clitoris, with all it's 8000 or so nerve endings, (or so I've heard ),  doesn't have any other purpose other than for pleasure. Most men don't get this. Chemistry plays a big part in it. You won't know for sure until you meet up with your girl. For me. It's about the person. I fall for their personality,  If they are a kind person, if they are a happy person, someone who makes me laugh, someone who will be at my side through the bad times as well as the good times. These are the things that are important rather than if they have a penis or vagina. 

You have some difficult decisions here. I'm single, and a woman is more my match now as I was married for 17 years to a man. I want the chemistry, the emotion, the romance and... just a bit of sex to brighten my day, or night. I have 2 beautiful daughters, 18 and 22, so a forever friend/partner is my dream now. But being a Bisexual woman, I still like men, well, they're good for something I guess. Lol. To answer the question, Are you missing out on not having a man? Only you can answer that in time. Usually when one buys a pair of expensive shoes, one usually tries on 2 or 3 pairs first. What I'm saying, give yourself time and experiment a bit. Don't commit yourself until you know these answers. Or have a good idea. Good Luck. 

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3 hours ago, Vampire said:

I don't think you should commit yourself until you have been with both genders.  I'm guessing you are young? You have plenty of time. Please don't rush into anything  There are some good guys out there (I didn't find any), lol. To be straight.... sex for a man is about fucking. Getting his penis as far in as possible, up to your tonsils if possible. To a woman, (most of), it's about love, emotion, romance, erotic stimulations.  Most woman, ( I think it's around 75%. don't orgasm by penetration alone. On the other hand, the clitoris, with all it's 8000 or so nerve endings, (or so I've heard ),  doesn't have any other purpose other than for pleasure. Most men don't get this. Chemistry plays a big part in it. You won't know for sure until you meet up with your girl. For me. It's about the person. I fall for their personality,  If they are a kind person, if they are a happy person, someone who makes me laugh, someone who will be at my side through the bad times as well as the good times. These are the things that are important rather than if they have a penis or vagina. 

You have some difficult decisions here. I'm single, and a woman is more my match now as I was married for 17 years to a man. I want the chemistry, the emotion, the romance and... just a bit of sex to brighten my day, or night. I have 2 beautiful daughters, 18 and 22, so a forever friend/partner is my dream now. But being a Bisexual woman, I still like men, well, they're good for something I guess. Lol. To answer the question, Are you missing out on not having a man? Only you can answer that in time. Usually when one buys a pair of expensive shoes, one usually tries on 2 or 3 pairs first. What I'm saying, give yourself time and experiment a bit. Don't commit yourself until you know these answers. Or have a good idea. Good Luck. 

I agree that you dont know unless you try but she might find that after being with her she might not need to be with a man especially if it is just to have a baby, that can be done without having to sleep with one.

I do disagree that for all men sex is just about fucking. I'm a sensual emotional person and my husband knows that and knows that our sex life is not just about sticking his cock in and out so he can get off. He's soft and gentle and very sensual. Being intimate with the right person, male of female with a close connection should feel intense and fulfilling for both. If it doesn't it's because you haven't connected on the same level not because they might not be the right gender. Labelling all men the same is like saying all bisexuals can't be faithful to one gender. There are good guys out there who want nothing but to please who they are with emotionally and sexually and if they don't we need to open our mouths and say that things aren't right

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I totally agree with Vampire and Shassa21 since both have given you excellent advice...  My experience has been that it seems foreplay is more pleasing with women since we are a reflection of each other and know where the sensitive spots are that excites the female sex.  I'm one that enjoys being penetrated so sex with my husband is  VERY satisfying but I find that sex with women is also VERY satisfying so it's something that you just have to experience for yourself to answer the question which is better. 

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20 hours ago, shazza21 said:

I agree that you dont know unless you try but she might find that after being with her she might not need to be with a man especially if it is just to have a baby, that can be done without having to sleep with one.

I do disagree that for all men sex is just about fucking. I'm a sensual emotional person and my husband knows that and knows that our sex life is not just about sticking his cock in and out so he can get off. He's soft and gentle and very sensual. Being intimate with the right person, male of female with a close connection should feel intense and fulfilling for both. If it doesn't it's because you haven't connected on the same level not because they might not be the right gender. Labelling all men the same is like saying all bisexuals can't be faithful to one gender. There are good guys out there who want nothing but to please who they are with emotionally and sexually and if they don't we need to open our mouths and say that things aren't right

Shazza21, I apologise as my comment wasn't meant to offend. I'm sorry that you took it that way, it certainally wasn't my intention.  It was MY comment to Rani based on MY experience. We all only can comment on how things have worked for us, The OP can take those different comments and then form her own opinion. If we all said the same thing, it wouldn't help her much. 

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2 hours ago, Vampire said:

Shazza21, I apologise as my comment wasn't meant to offend. I'm sorry that you took it that way, it certainally wasn't my intention.  It was MY comment to Rani based on MY experience. We all only can comment on how things have worked for us, The OP can take those different comments and then form her own opinion. If we all said the same thing, it wouldn't help her much. 

I wasn't offended I just wanted to defend the good guys. I know they are a dying bread these days lol

I'm fortunate to be married to one but I know that isnt the case for a lit of women but men have been allowed to get away with what they like in the bedroom for far too long. As women we need to realise we are equal in the bedroom as anywhere else!!

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3 hours ago, shazza21 said:

I wasn't offended I just wanted to defend the good guys. I know they are a dying bread these days lol

I'm fortunate to be married to one but I know that isnt the case for a lit of women but men have been allowed to get away with what they like in the bedroom for far too long. As women we need to realise we are equal in the bedroom as anywhere else!!

I think that’s the conclusion, the good guys are indeed a dying breed these days and I understand both view points with regards to the sex act with a man. I have been with guys who just wanna shove it up to your tonsils as vampire so eloquently put it, ha ha roflmbo at vamps humour, and then there was my husband who from the start, although not very experienced, just seemed to know all the tricks, he was actually a very skilled lover. Even then after a while and with the stresses of life it can become a quick and inconsiderate in and out. Sex with a woman and being with a woman who is your lover/ gf was, too me, sexually exciting and mentally stimulating. I haven’t really had a lot of experience with women and it was a long time ago now but at the time it also recharged my sex life with hubby and I was just so full of love for both. The plus for me is that sex with women is less, well er messy, to put it bluntly. I guess if you wanna know which you prefer or if you like both equally, both at once, or both seperately you just gotta get out there and try it. Good luck.

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On 11/01/2018 at 6:56 PM, Curiouslouisa01 said:

Yes I found it more intense with a woman. To be blunt the orgasms were different. Seemed to last longer and were more frequent. Could be just me though lol. It depends if you’re attracted to men I suppose. If I absolutely had to choose one or the other it would be a man x

Thats interesting. I know im physically attracted but i dont know if i can have the same emotional connection with a guy as i do with my present long distance gf. She is ok with me marrying a guy if i need to as long as i am part of her life. 

I had also talked to a few guys but didnt have that emotional connection but could just be the people i come across.

 It would be an interesting question to ask. If people here had to choose one would they choose male or female.

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On 11/01/2018 at 7:50 PM, Vampire said:

I don't think you should commit yourself until you have been with both genders.  I'm guessing you are young? You have plenty of time. Please don't rush into anything  There are some good guys out there (I didn't find any), lol. To be straight.... sex for a man is about fucking. Getting his penis as far in as possible, up to your tonsils if possible. To a woman, (most of), it's about love, emotion, romance, erotic stimulations.  Most woman, ( I think it's around 75%. don't orgasm by penetration alone. On the other hand, the clitoris, with all it's 8000 or so nerve endings, (or so I've heard ),  doesn't have any other purpose other than for pleasure. Most men don't get this. Chemistry plays a big part in it. You won't know for sure until you meet up with your girl. For me. It's about the person. I fall for their personality,  If they are a kind person, if they are a happy person, someone who makes me laugh, someone who will be at my side through the bad times as well as the good times. These are the things that are important rather than if they have a penis or vagina. 

You have some difficult decisions here. I'm single, and a woman is more my match now as I was married for 17 years to a man. I want the chemistry, the emotion, the romance and... just a bit of sex to brighten my day, or night. I have 2 beautiful daughters, 18 and 22, so a forever friend/partner is my dream now. But being a Bisexual woman, I still like men, well, they're good for something I guess. Lol. To answer the question, Are you missing out on not having a man? Only you can answer that in time. Usually when one buys a pair of expensive shoes, one usually tries on 2 or 3 pairs first. What I'm saying, give yourself time and experiment a bit. Don't commit yourself until you know these answers. Or have a good idea. Good Luck. 

True. Its just that im 30 and turning 31 in a month. Feels a bit awkward telling people im a virgin in physical sense. I was just too busy for a relationship and wantes to be with someone who cared. All of those people were long distance.

With online sex ive found what u have. Guys are less about foreplay and more about as you said fucking. Its more about them and not about the joy and pleasure given to the girl. There are exceptions maybe but they are likely to be after a few yrs and after they have got specific feedback. 

I know these are generalisations and there are exceptions. Maybe bi guys who knows? I did like a bi guy online he was ok but he was insecure and kept comparing with my gf and saying he cant match that. But he accepted she was my first love.

There is another bi guy who has accepted it but he identifies as transgender and likea to dress as female.

 

My issue is that now i have my gf how would i find a guy similar in emotional quality to her.

- open to accepting her and our relationship. Giving me enough space and time to be with her.

- caring and considerate enough to reply promptly to messages and ask how my busy day has been and if i feel rested

- prepare me meals i like and someone i can cook together and share household responsibilities with

- someone willing to travel with me and ok to work in a rural area as my job demands

- someone who sees me as first priority in their life like she does.

My gf even wants to have children with me through reciprocal ivf. My eggs and her womb. We have a gay guy friend who has said he will help.

 

I feel happy to just be with her. Maybe its societal homophobia especially being a person of colour or maybe knowing that im bi and could have an easier life is making me want to try with a guy. 

Maybe i could try a male escort like this bi virgin but idk if its worth the money

You are right though. I need to experiment with someone in real life. Online with guys has not been that great and feels like its a game for them. 

I am hoping i will get more answers about our chemistry when we meet in 3 months. Its been 6 months that we have been online knowing each other.  I just dont want to hurt her if i find a guy then later realise he is not the one for me. I dont want to lose her.

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.mamamia.com.au/i-lost-my-virginity-to-a-male-escort/&ved=2ahUKEwjCx_Gn3tPYAhXBoJQKHefcBhoQFjAAegQIExAB&usg=AOvVaw3h_YDNokJsKMzthsHynSMD

 

I wish i could maybe have 1 or 2 children then date girls forever.

Edited by Rani
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On 11/01/2018 at 11:05 PM, shazza21 said:

I agree that you dont know unless you try but she might find that after being with her she might not need to be with a man especially if it is just to have a baby, that can be done without having to sleep with one.

I do disagree that for all men sex is just about fucking. I'm a sensual emotional person and my husband knows that and knows that our sex life is not just about sticking his cock in and out so he can get off. He's soft and gentle and very sensual. Being intimate with the right person, male of female with a close connection should feel intense and fulfilling for both. If it doesn't it's because you haven't connected on the same level not because they might not be the right gender. Labelling all men the same is like saying all bisexuals can't be faithful to one gender. There are good guys out there who want nothing but to please who they are with emotionally and sexually and if they don't we need to open our mouths and say that things aren't right

True you can have children with females but i guess its easier and cheaper with guys. My gf is from the UK and she is bangladeshi muslim background and im Indian hindu background in Australia. Her parents are not alive sadly. If her siblings were to find out she is dating me or pregnant with my child they would ostracise her or worse. I tell her this and even that she can marry a gay male friend i have for safety reasons. But she only wants to marry me and if not then she doesnt want to love another. She is 6 yrs older then me and before me has never dated anyone.

 

I have come across sensitive and emotional guys online. And im happy you have found that relationship with your husband. Idk why but i just feel guys maybe more prone to jealousy or insecurity if i did mention a girl. There could be exceptions to that and maybe its just the guys here. Me and vampire are both from australia lol jk

Incidentally i know a sensitive bi guy from the UK who is kind, caring and open minded. He also believes he is transgender and likes to wear skirts and dresses. He is from a Sikh family. He accepts my gf but does not want to move to australia  unlike my gf.  I cant move due to work.

 

 

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10 hours ago, myladylove said:

I think that’s the conclusion, the good guys are indeed a dying breed these days and I understand both view points with regards to the sex act with a man. I have been with guys who just wanna shove it up to your tonsils as vampire so eloquently put it, ha ha roflmbo at vamps humour, and then there was my husband who from the start, although not very experienced, just seemed to know all the tricks, he was actually a very skilled lover. Even then after a while and with the stresses of life it can become a quick and inconsiderate in and out. Sex with a woman and being with a woman who is your lover/ gf was, too me, sexually exciting and mentally stimulating. I haven’t really had a lot of experience with women and it was a long time ago now but at the time it also recharged my sex life with hubby and I was just so full of love for both. The plus for me is that sex with women is less, well er messy, to put it bluntly. I guess if you wanna know which you prefer or if you like both equally, both at once, or both seperately you just gotta get out there and try it. Good luck.

I have noticed the good guys being a dying breed on online sites but i did make a few good male friends. I liked the shove it up to the tonsils phrase. 

You are right myladylove might need to try both and see what works for me. Some guys have skills to please. Others dont but try and some dont care. I think like shazz said as women we need to be.more vocal about what we want.

 

Maybe a male escort could be the way to go like this bi virgin

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.mamamia.com.au/i-lost-my-virginity-to-a-male-escort/&ved=2ahUKEwjCx_Gn3tPYAhXBoJQKHefcBhoQFjAAegQIExAB&usg=AOvVaw3h_YDNokJsKMzthsHynSMD

 

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1 hour ago, Rani said:

True you can have children with females but i guess its easier and cheaper with guys. My gf is from the UK and she is bangladeshi muslim background and im Indian hindu background in Australia. Her parents are not alive sadly. If her siblings were to find out she is dating me or pregnant with my child they would ostracise her or worse. I tell her this and even that she can marry a gay male friend i have for safety reasons. But she only wants to marry me and if not then she doesnt want to love another. She is 6 yrs older then me and before me has never dated anyone.

 

I have come across sensitive and emotional guys online. And im happy you have found that relationship with your husband. Idk why but i just feel guys maybe more prone to jealousy or insecurity if i did mention a girl. There could be exceptions to that and maybe its just the guys here. Me and vampire are both from australia lol jk

Incidentally i know a sensitive bi guy from the UK who is kind, caring and open minded. He also believes he is transgender and likes to wear skirts and dresses. He is from a Sikh family. He accepts my gf but does not want to move to australia  unlike my gf.  I cant move due to work.

 

 

You being the first person your gf has dated I would advise going slowly. However I can also understand that since you are both in your 30s fertility may start to be an issue, especially with the added complications of IVF. I don't usually like the advice "listen to your heart" but it may be applicable here.

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3 hours ago, ChemFem said:

You being the first person your gf has dated I would advise going slowly. However I can also understand that since you are both in your 30s fertility may start to be an issue, especially with the added complications of IVF. I don't usually like the advice "listen to your heart" but it may be applicable here.

True. We would both be each others first so we have both been doing a lot of reading around this.

I am 30 turning 31 next month and she is 36. I wish we had met earlier but it is what it is at the moment. I had thought about foster care and adoption but dont kmow if that will be easier.

From the yt videos ive watched ivf can be a roller coaster ride.

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My $.0.2 is if you've never had relations with a man or a relationship with anyone truly it's only natural to question it at this stage and I don't think you should disregard that because sexual experience is important, individual and something that lots of people who have one or very few partners later regret and that's even before you consider bisexuality which can make your feelings and desires more fluid.

Totally, continue to pursue your LD relationship, but considering you've yet to meet, regardless of the intensity of your connection, I don't think you should be plowing ahead with any serious plans such as fertility clinics etc. Don't rush, even if time isn't on your partner's side it seems unwise to make serious commitments yet. 

Also now or during the time your LD relationship could be the perfect opportunity to consider sexually exploring, of course it depends how your girlfriend feels too. But I get the feeling from your other posts, she's had more experiences regardless of gender etc. Perhaps she'd be understanding to you seeing what's out there? It seems like you've both got your heart in the right place. If I was in her situation, I would want you to look at all the possibilities so you can progress in your relationship or not before evolve and any serious commitments are made. 

By engaging with people in person you'll get a real sense of how you feel in terms of attractions and desires, obviously it might be that it feels wrong but keep an open mind and don't be afraid to discuss it. Self discovery on any level is valuable, don't discount your thoughts because you're happy. 

If I was forced to choose one gender, I would choose men. I've had far more positive sexual experiences and relationships with men them. Despite a small handful of women greatly influencing my life and undoubtly causing a strong attraction, I've had sexual and lifestyle incompatibilities with women most of the time. 

That said, in the not so distant future I plan to explore the possibility of dating a woman, which makes what I've just written somewhat void. Why? Lots of my positive female experiences were young especially romantically, so I guess it's just me testing how strong my attraction and desire is because I've always been attracted to people rather than gender. My reason for mentioning that here is - your feelings can change and the more you let yourself explore, the more self assured, content and loving you can be as a result.

*Opened this thread last night and only got new replies after I posted!

Edited by Hungry
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Ok wow, I had assumed as your girlfriend is a lesbian she'd had experiences. As the first relationship for both of you while it feels very intense and real I'm sure, a word of advice - slow down.

From your initial posts on this thread, I thought you were looking to explore with a man as well as or to see if women were the right choice for you when you meet your girlfriend etc. But your later posts seem to suggest this is more about reproduction and normalcy than attraction or sexual experience? Your girlfriend doesn't need to marry your gay friend for safety, I understand culturally having dated both Indian and Muslim men/women there are worries and insecurities you hold on to but AUS now has the same-sex marriage ruling, why not marry her? 

Dating a man in an open relationship setup is one thing and totally possible and I would encourage this. However, you wrote you want to have 1/2 children and then be with women forever, so this is more about what a man can offer you? It would be morally and ethically wrong to engage in an open relationship without their prior knowledge and if it all comes together like that in the end, then awesome and I wish you all the best. But you can't turn up to dates with a bulletpointed list - everything on that list is about you. The thing about real-world dating is they have feelings/wants/desires that you have to consider when they're right there.

There's adoption, and sperm banks if you want kids with your girlfriend, not always easy but possible. I can't help feeling you're jumping the gun and that actually this narrative is just complicating a relationship that is only about to take off in person. Why overshadow that with things that take a lot of investment and planning? Yes, you're in love and want a future together, but you do have to get to there first.

Edited by Hungry
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On 13/01/2018 at 6:51 PM, Hungry said:

Ok wow, I had assumed as your girlfriend is a lesbian she'd had experiences. As the first relationship for both of you while it feels very intense and real I'm sure, a word of advice - slow down.

From your initial posts on this thread, I thought you were looking to explore with a man as well as or to see if women were the right choice for you when you meet your girlfriend etc. But your later posts seem to suggest this is more about reproduction and normalcy than attraction or sexual experience? Your girlfriend doesn't need to marry your gay friend for safety, I understand culturally having dated both Indian and Muslim men/women there are worries and insecurities you hold on to but AUS now has the same-sex marriage ruling, why not marry her? 

Dating a man in an open relationship setup is one thing and totally possible and I would encourage this. However, you wrote you want to have 1/2 children and then be with women forever, so this is more about what a man can offer you? It would be morally and ethically wrong to engage in an open relationship without their prior knowledge and if it all comes together like that in the end, then awesome and I wish you all the best. But you can't turn up to dates with a bulletpointed list - everything on that list is about you. The thing about real-world dating is they have feelings/wants/desires that you have to consider when they're right there.

There's adoption, and sperm banks if you want kids with your girlfriend, not always easy but possible. I can't help feeling you're jumping the gun and that actually this narrative is just complicating a relationship that is only about to take off in person. Why overshadow that with things that take a lot of investment and planning? Yes, you're in love and want a future together, but you do have to get to there first.

Sorry for the late reply. Thanks for your suggestions. You made me think about what im looking for. We are trying to slow down but i think we have both fallen too deep. She writes poems for me regularly and i serenade her on the phone. We had our 6 month anniversary on 13 jan and every day since we have known each other we talk on the phone. She was asking me my work address so she can send me flowers on the 14th and flowers on the 21st. .she sends me pics and videos of her cooking my favourite food.

I asked her how she felt about me having a heterosexual relationship as well. She said she understands and just wants me to happy. She said if i ever feel at any point that the chemistry ia not there for me to tell her. She said she will accept and understand even if it may be hard. I asked her to see if there were other girls she liked in addition to me because i didnt want to be the only one having a second relationship. She said she has waited 36 yrs of her life and now founs true love. She doesnt want to love another but she is ok if i have another relationship. I told her she is the only girl in my life.

This is a poem she wrote for me. I have encouraged her to publish her poems.

As dawn approaches a new life begins.
As another year begins new memories are waiting.

From the suns warm to its brightest flames.
Our home is waiting for us begin our new journey.

A life shared a love true.
True loves kiss will free us both.
Once eyes meet for first time i will have met this true love of mine.

A promise i give to you in this year a new.
I will be at your side forever to love you even after the end of time.
 As dawn approaches a new life begins.
As another year begins new memories are waiting.

From the suns warmth to its brightest flames.
Our home is waiting for us begin our new journey.

A life shared a love true.
True loves kiss will free us both.
Once eyes meet for first time i will have met this true love of mine.

A promise i give to year in this year a new.
I will be at your side forever to love you even after the end of time.

 

I have tried dating a bi guy online around the same time.. I found 1 to 2 online. 1 said he loved me but the quality of the love was different. He was on and off with the messages.

Sometimes replying sometimes not. Or taking ages to reply. He did show care and concern but not to same extent. The other guy is bi but sees himself as transgender. Both know about my gf and i have said they can date another boy/girl and i am fine with that. They accept my gf and ive said i want her to live with us. They were ok with her. But at the same time i dont know if its a good idea or fair to her.i dont know if i feel as much emotional attraction to them as to my gf. For my gf i am her main priority. For one of the guys he is recently divorced with 2 children he has other priorities. He initiated it because he said she was a narcissist. He has not talked about it much with others but i feel i have become his counsellor. He has some anti feminist views which he keeps bringing up. He still carries baggage from the past and is fighting for custody. He lives in India and does not havd a stable job or education.

The other bi guy is a 37 yr old from the UK. He knows about me and my gf. I support him dressing up aa a girl. He is fine with my gf living with us if a relationship goes ahead. At the same time i dont have that physical and emotional attraction to him. And i know at some point he would want to transition. 

Ive told both guys they can have a second open relationship. Both said they would not unless they find someome they connect with. Ive been open and told them i probably have stronger emotional attraction with my gf but wanted to explore a relationship with a male  

I also have a straight male friend who likes me but knows about my gf. Ive not mentioned anything about relationshios because he too lives long distance.

I should try dating in real life but just wouldnt feel like im being fair to my gf. 

My gf messages me good morning each morning  and asks if i am rested as i have a hectic job and the 11 yr time difference. If i am not she prefers me to sleep. The 2 guys above live long distance but unlike my gf have no plan in near future to visit. My gf is visiting me april to july. I visit her in the UK sept to nov. I mentioned children she said she wants that as well and wants to make it true for me. That she wants a child who has my features. We talked about reciprocal ivf about her carrying my eggs. But like u said all that is in the future. 

 

I guess im afraid of being in an out relationship being south asian background, living in a multicultural area and working in a job which has many people of south asian background. My dad has not put marriage pressure on me but i know if i had a ssm it would be hard for him to accept and not sure if many would come.

At the same time i need to live my life. I had thought initially it was about exploring but i started to have the same depth of love as my gf does for me. It then became about finding a guy who i like and who likes me and is accepting of my gf. But sadly i am not feeling the same level of emotional attraction. I compare my gfs daily texts and love for me and theirs and its not equal. Theirs is more their job, family then love. It could be because im not exclusive. The second bi guy is willing to donate sperm as may a gay male friend i know. 

Growing up in a not so supportive community i dont want a future child to face stigma and to not know the sperm donor/father so would prefer if it was known.

Also dont want to be ostracised. If i was a lesbian i would have maybe had a marriage of convenience with a gay male because there are many out there looking. Yet as a bi girl finding a bi or straight guy in a similar situation 

 

Maybe i could foster care or adopt bit i dont want to think and for others to think same sex relations are any less. If we want children we can also have them even if it involves more work

 

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In terms of looking for a guy, a straight guy in an open relationship is plausible. A bi guy isn't necessarily going to be more understanding. I'm not sure why you're keeping either of the two UK guys around. Also while you could date online, wouldn't looking closer to home would be better? So you could have the real-world experience of dating/how you feel in their presence. The clear difference between your LD and that might help you ease into it or feel differently about it. Perhaps wait until after you've met your girlfriend, so you feel more certain/less torn.

You'll only slow down if you want to and same goes for marrying/dating a guy it's just a possibility. I imagine planning for that would only complicate your situation. It seems to me as though your father loves you very much and while he/others might not be quick to embrace your love, I think it's pointless pondering/worrying about who may or may not attend a hypothetical wedding, if it comes to that you only need to two people to witness. I know you think more seriously LD due to not having the personal interaction, but don't take the fun out of something great!

Nobody wants anything negative to come up, the fact that you are aware of it shows that you will cautious and sensored enough to get by. For instance your co-workers never have to meet your partner, neither do your patients and if you bumped into them in the street, what you choose to call your relationship with your current gf or any other same-sex partners in future is up to you, there are no rules in how you live your personal life - you'll find a balance that you're comfortable with and some of those things are only become to clear when/if they happen.

As someone who also thinks they can plan for almost every eventuality, while it has it's place it can't replace experience, sometimes your mind has to wait for life to catch up! :wink: 

Edited by Hungry
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On 13/01/2018 at 6:51 PM, Hungry said:

Ok wow, I had assumed as your girlfriend is a lesbian she'd had experiences. As the first relationship for both of you while it feels very intense and real I'm sure, a word of advice - slow down.

From your initial posts on this thread, I thought you were looking to explore with a man as well as or to see if women were the right choice for you when you meet your girlfriend etc. But your later posts seem to suggest this is more about reproduction and normalcy than attraction or sexual experience? Your girlfriend doesn't need to marry your gay friend for safety, I understand culturally having dated both Indian and Muslim men/women there are worries and insecurities you hold on to but AUS now has the same-sex marriage ruling, why not marry her? 

Dating a man in an open relationship setup is one thing and totally possible and I would encourage this. However, you wrote you want to have 1/2 children and then be with women forever, so this is more about what a man can offer you? It would be morally and ethically wrong to engage in an open relationship without their prior knowledge and if it all comes together like that in the end, then awesome and I wish you all the best. But you can't turn up to dates with a bulletpointed list - everything on that list is about you. The thing about real-world dating is they have feelings/wants/desires that you have to consider when they're right there.

There's adoption, and sperm banks if you want kids with your girlfriend, not always easy but possible. I can't help feeling you're jumping the gun and that actually this narrative is just complicating a relationship that is only about to take off in person. Why overshadow that with things that take a lot of investment and planning? Yes, you're in love and want a future together, but you do have to get to there first.

The marrying a guy thing was if she were to be pregnant as it is taboo to be unmarried and pregnant in her muslim culture. Probably marrying a female wouldnt count. But she said she will come to australia for a yr or so. She could do that under partner visa if this was something she also wanted.

Its not that the guys i talked to werent nice. They are also online and long distance relationships. One guy was caring, open to talk about emotions, liked to.cook and was romantic. Similar qualities to my gf. He just had too mucj baggage and hate from his past relationship and delayed with his communication. I disagreed with his views on feminism and he would disappear and not communicate for days on end. I just didnt want to deal with that.

 

 

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On 1/17/2018 at 4:33 AM, Rani said:

The marrying a guy thing was if she were to be pregnant as it is taboo to be unmarried and pregnant in her muslim culture. Probably marrying a female wouldnt count. But she said she will come to australia for a yr or so. She could do that under partner visa if this was something she also wanted.

There are unmarried pregnant muslim women in the UK - I hear what you're saying it is frowned upon, but doesn't mean it doesn't happen and especially given that she is older it is less of an issue. She wouldn't become pregnant until after she moved anyway, surely? At which point family is less of an issue and what she chooses to do in a new country, full of new people is up to her. She can still marry you for a partner visa. Or there's the shorter travel visa to give her time with you/find work at which point she could then get a work visa. There's a lot of possibilities. 

I meant that the guys online were met in a similar way to how you met your gf so if you were to look to date men online it doesn't give you a lot of separation between how you two met and thus they're not going to have much of a chance because they won't compare to her and will probably seem like work, where as an in-person is a different dynamic - if you're happy as you are for now, why change it?!

Edited by Hungry
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