Emeliac

How would you feel if someone not (so close) came out to you?

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I have a friend whom I am not so close to came out to me. As we were discussing about a mutual friend who’s daughter just came to her. She casually said that she’s bi and she wanted to know how it feels to be on the other side of the fence (as a parent). She said it’s not a secret. Her family and some of her friends knew. She wouldn’t deny it if someone ask. She didn’t think her sexual preference is of anyone’s concern. 

Why do you think she told me that?

Edited by Emeliac
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Well, it could be that she's comfortable being open (at least with friends, maybe not random strangers) about her sexuality and is just making relevant conversation. Or it could be that she's taking the opportunity to specifically communicate her sexuality to you for whatever reason.

I know that's not particularly helpful, but it really isn't much to go on.

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I tend to be open with my friends about my orientation early on just so it isn't a surprise later. I also think it helps with visibility generally. I don't think she was coming out to come on to you, if that's what you're asking.

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I forgot to mention that she’s married and she has two kids. Isn’t it unusual for her to come out?. I asked if her hubby knew. She said sort of. It was a never serious discussion. Because he never asked so she didn’t see the point of bringing it up.

 

Edited by Emeliac
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5 hours ago, Emeliac said:

I forgot to mention that she’s married and she has two kids. Isn’t it unusual for her to come out?.

Nah, that describes probably 3/4 of the people here on Shy.

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I'm not sure why it would be unusual.  Many women are out who are bisexual.  There's often no need to stay closeted.  When I was married, I still brought it up if it was relevant to the conversation.  I've never been quiet about my sexual orientation, but I also don't blast it all over.

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There’s more. She often gives me gifts. Sometimes expensive ones after I helped her with something... I guess it’s a way of her saying « thank you »? She often text me (work related stuff mostly). She’s normally a very private person but become flirty around me. She’s very reserved around other people. 

Edited by Emeliac
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My opinion is she's interested in you and is testing the waters to see if you might be interested in her.  One of the most difficult things a bi woman has is finding another female that they can share experiences in female to female love.  Since she's married and has a family that just makes it that more difficult.  Depending on how interested you are in her it might be a good opportunity for both of you to satisfy your bi sexual urges.   Because she came out to you it seems to imply she's interested  in you and wants to let you know the way is clear if you want to become lovers. 

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She might be just trying to find someone she can confide in 

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4 hours ago, shazza21 said:

She might be just trying to find someone she can confide in 

Yeah, sometimes I want to be out to people not because I'm interested, but just because I want community. And that can be a little hard when you're married with kids because chances to casually drop it into conversation don't often come up.

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I would be flattered she was comfortable enough to come out to you.. she must value your friendship and you honesty... maybe she is catching vibes off you that your an open minded person...

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I told a friend a while back simply because the conversation was linked (like yours was) and because it validated my sexuality! Having been with only my husband for 13 years, no matter what I feel inside, on the outside it looks like I’m straight. It was good to share it and it’s been brilliant being open on this site too. It could be similar reasons as to why your friend shared. 

Does she know that you’re bi too?

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9 hours ago, Gemini82 said:

I told a friend a while back simply because the conversation was linked (like yours was) and because it validated my sexuality! Having been with only my husband for 13 years, no matter what I feel inside, on the outside it looks like I’m straight. It was good to share it and it’s been brilliant being open on this site too. It could be similar reasons as to why your friend shared. 

Does she know that you’re bi too?

No I don’t think so.. or maybe she’s got the vibe?? We work in the same team. We hang out together with other work colleagues sometimes. I was being very careful to not let it slip.

At work function last night, She was behaving normally like we have never had the conversation. Only one thing changed, she didn’t give me a hug when she said hi like she used to. Is that weird?

Edited by Emeliac
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Maybe she’s been thinking how you now think of her hugs, knowing she’s bisexual? The friend I told, I felt a bit like that for a while m, especially with kisses on the end of text messages! But it soon passed. 

Why were you careful not to let it slip about your sexuality? I don’t want that to come across as harsh, just interested! 

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1 hour ago, Gemini82 said:

Maybe she’s been thinking how you now think of her hugs, knowing she’s bisexual? The friend I told, I felt a bit like that for a while m, especially with kisses on the end of text messages! But it soon passed. 

Why were you careful not to let it slip about your sexuality? I don’t want that to come across as harsh, just interested! 

I doesn’t mean I don’t want people to know. I came out to a few close friends. But in the work environment? I’m not so sure if it would be appropriate. I work closely with women. If one day I came out to everyone and if they aren’t open minded... would it be awkward?? It will definitely change the way they behave around me. I am not sure if I want that yet. 

A million dollars question, should I tell her that I am bi too? 

 

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As long as you maintain professional conduct around people at work they should have no reason to be bothered. Unfortunately there's a difference between what people should do and what they actually do.

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44 minutes ago, Emeliac said:

I doesn’t mean I don’t want people to know. I came out to a few close friends. But in the work environment? I’m not so sure if it would be appropriate. I work closely with women. If one day I came out to everyone and if they aren’t open minded... would it be awkward?? It will definitely change the way they behave around me. I am not sure if I want that yet. 

A million dollars question, should I tell her that I am bi too? 

 

Totally your call - you didn’t tell her at the time, so perhaps your gut feeling (and the right decision for you) is to keep quiet.

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If you are interested in her, give it a little time.  You don't have to come out to her right away.  Just do little things like paying a little more attention to the things she says or be more complimentary.  If she responds you will be able to tell where she is going with it and go from there.

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On 2/4/2018 at 5:59 PM, Emeliac said:

 A million dollars question, should I tell her that I am bi too? 

 I've got to know... did you decide whether you'd tell her or not? Maybe she thinks she weirded you out by telling you and is being cautious?

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I think it would be nice to have someone else to talk about things with. I agree with @moonbynight, it would be nice to have a community to meet with and socialize with. Don't get me wrong, this site is amazing and would be lost without it, but it would be nice to go out with socialize with other people and be myself around.

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